emotional intelligence

The ways supercommunicators operate and how to emulate their techniques.

Across more than 130 episodes, Think Fast, Talk Smart has touched a lot on what it takes to be a good communicator. But what about reaching that next level? What about being a “supercommunicator”? Supercommunicator is a term used by Pulitzer Prize winning journalist and author Charles Duhigg in his latest book, Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection. 

In this podcast episode, Abrahams and Duhigg explore the precise techniques that distinguish a good communicator from a “supercommunicator:” traits such as active listening; looping for understanding to demonstrate genuine engagement; and identifying what someone is truly feeling, underneath what they actually say.

Episode Reference Links:

• Charles Duhigg: Website
• Charles Duhigg: Books
• Duhigg’s New Yorker article
• Thalia Wheatley’s research study: The Repurposed Social Brain 
• Nicholas Epley’s research paper: Overly Shallow?: Miscalibrated Expectations Create a Barrier to Deeper Conversation
• Alison Wood Brooks’ research paper: The Conversational Circumplex: Identifying, Prioritizing, and Pursuing Informational and Relational Motives in Conversation
• Michael Yeomans’ research paper: It Helps to Ask: The Cumulative Benefits of Asking Follow-Up Questions
• Sheila Heen’s research project: Harvard Negotiation Project
• Ep.92 - No Regrets: How to Take Risks: YouTube / Website 
• Ep.82 - It’s Not About You: Why Effective Communicators Put Others First: YouTube / Website 
• Ep.103 - Simple is a Superpower: How to Communicate Any Idea to an Audience: YouTube / Website

Connect:

• Email Questions & Feedback >>> thinkfast@stanford.edu
• Episode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart Website
• Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.io
• Think Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn Page,  Instagram, YouTube
• Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn
• Stanford GSB >>> LinkedIn & Twitter

Chapters:

(00:00:00) Introduction

Host Matt Abrahams introduces guest Charles Duhigg and his new book Super Communicators.

(00:01:26) Transition from Habits to Communication

Duhigg shares how personal experiences and a desire to understand human interactions motivated him to explore communication.

(00:02:51) The Neuroscience of Connection 

The neuroscience behind successful communication and the role of neural entrainment in establishing connection and understanding.

(00:04:21) Storytelling as a Powerful Communication Tool

The importance of storytelling in communication and how stories foster empathy and engagement.

(00:06:16) Identifying and Aligning Conversation Types 

Three types of conversations (practical, emotional, social) and the necessity of aligning conversation types for effective communication.

(00:08:07) Practices of Super Communicators 

Insights into the habits of super communicators, including their approach to recognizing conversation types and the importance of deep listening.

(00:15:02) Navigating Conflict Through Effective Communication 

Managing conflictual conversations with a focus on listening, understanding, and managing control dynamics.

(00:20:50) Challenges of Online Communication 

Challenges and strategies for communicating in online and virtual settings.

(00:25:04) The Craft and Impact of Storytelling

Approaches to storytelling and its significance in making complex ideas memorable and engaging.

(00:29:06) Developing New Communication Habits 

New communication habits developed from Duhigg's research and their impact on personal and professional interactions.

(00:31:02) The Final Three Questions

Charles Duhigg discusses the importance of deep questions, the communicator he most admires, and his recipe for successful communication.

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Tara has a conversation with former professional rugby player Jim Hamilton. They go into his career as an athlete, his relationship with his family and his struggles after leaving the jersey behind. With Tara’s help, Jim unpacks the importance of self-care and the difficulties in changing one’s own behavior. He examines his habits and the importance of developing a healthy lifestyle outside the rugby pitch.

Follow Jim on Instagram

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Listen to The Rugby Pod

Watch The Big Jim Show

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Reinvent Yourself with Dr. Tara is proud to be supported by MIT, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and their Executive Education programs. “MIT: Join us in building a better world.” For more information on MIT Executive Education, including details about Dr. Tara’s six-week course, “Neuroscience for Business,” simply visit executive.mit.edu today. An extraordinary first step toward Reinventing Yourself.

Reinvent Yourself with Dr. Tara is proudly supported by Emotional Wellbeing by Raffles Hotels & Resorts. A true luxury is not just about what you do, it’s about how we make you feel. For more information on Raffles Hotels & Resorts, including details about their curated wellbeing programs, simply visit Raffles.com today.

Today's guest is Josh Trent, an amazing person and friend who has a deep understanding of how to heal and thrive on the mental, emotional, and physical level. This episode is absolutely packed with gems.

Josh is the Founder of Wellness Force Media, the host of the Wellness Force Podcast (which I recently appeared on in an amazing conversation) and the creator of the BREATHE: Breath & Wellness Program. He has spent the past 19 years as a trainer, researcher, and facilitator discovering the physical and emotional intelligence for humans to thrive in our modern world.

The Wellness Force Mission is to help humans heal mental, emotional and physical health through podcasts, programs, and a global community that believes in optimizing our potential to live life well.

Josh has dedicated his life to supporting humanity coming together as one, and this shines through in his words and wisdom in this conversation.

Listen as we discuss:

• Why Josh meditates on death every morning.
• His story and struggles through mental illness and obesity.
• The gut check moment that finally led him to Google "how to be healthy."
• Do we have a responsibility to ourselves to pursue the life we want at all costs?
• What is our soul and how do we connect to it?
• The healing modalities in Shamanism and our core need to honor the mysteries of life.
• Different arcs of intelligence and the process of gathering and applying them.
• If we all took a deep emotional inventory even for a moment, the world would change.
• Why Josh has always attracted partners that show him where he has not yet healed.
• The space between knowing and doing.
• The tragic loss of the art of debate.
• Why so many Instagram "gurus" project an air of certainty and perfection.
• The healing power of psychedelics and breathwork.
• Josh's one piece of wellness advice.

Instagram: @mo_gawdat
Facebook: @mo.gawdat.official
Twitter: @mgawdat
LinkedIn: /in/mogawdat
Website: mogawdat.com

Connect with Josh Trent on Facebook @wellnessf, Twitter @wellnessforce, Instagram @joshtrentofficial, and his website, wellnessforce.com

My new book Scary Smart is now available. Grab a copy here!

Don't forget to subscribe to Slo Mo for new episodes every Sunday. Only with your help can we reach One Billion Happy #onebillionhappy.

YouTube: @mogawdatofficial
Instagram: @mo_gawdat
Facebook: @mo.gawdat.official
LinkedIn: /in/mogawdat
X: @mgawdat
Website: mogawdat.com

Don't forget to subscribe to Slo Mo for new episodes every Saturday. Only with your help can we reach One Billion Happy #onebillionhappy

"If you are constantly stepping into unfamiliar situations in your life, that means you are growing at a rapid pace."

Lewis sits down with influential yogi, mystic, and visionary Sadhguru to learn how to transform your approach to thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations in order to live a more fulfilling, less painful life. They discuss the problem with taking our existence too seriously, why mindfulness is the wrong way to think about meditation, and how adults can unlock the joy we all experience in childhood.

For more, check out lewishowes.com/965. And text 614-350-9360 to start a conversation with Lewis.

“Tell yourself a better lie, you’ll live a better life.”

QUESTIONS

How do we heal from decades of thinking negatively? (1:16)

How do we change our interpretation of flee or freeze to flow? (5:18)

How do we best influence our kids? (35:31)

What’s the difference between feelings and thoughts? (50:18)

What’s the main cause of addictive behavior? (1:04:10)

How do we become more self confident? (1:09:11)

YOU WILL LEARN

How our ancestral brain works (4:30)

Why the pictures and words we use are so important (9:05)

Why the conversation you’re having with yourself is the most important (13:16)

How role, function and purpose work (19:01)

The five child’s needs (24:10)

How tagging works in children with unmet needs (30:33)

How children keep the things parents say with them (39:12)

The importance of having an honesty policy with your kids (47:22)

How proper hypnotherapy excites the imagination (57:21)

The importance of installation in therapy (1:02:09)

LINKS MENTIONED

Rapid Transformational Therapy

If you enjoyed this episode, show notes and more at http://www.lewishowes.com/949 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes

“Consciousness is where we are granted choice.”

QUESTIONS

How are you growing faster than other therapist brands? (1:28)

How do we change a feeling of powerlessness? (7:25)

What’s the greatest trauma people face? (17:24)

What’s the level a child or the parent traumatizes the other? (19:23)

How do we come to a place of worthiness? (29:00)

What is the best practice on observing self thoughts? (37:13)

What’s your biggest trigger? (39:13)

How do we forgive our parents, even if they were doing the best they can? (43:20)

How do we say no without apologizing? (49:30)

How do you speak to a child that has a chaotic reality and has not observed their own thoughts? (1:01:30)

What’s your biggest fear as a therapist? (1:07:32)

YOU WILL LEARN

The issue with always thinking about what to do next (5:30)

How to develop a consistency in practice in consciousness of action (9:45)

The top tools for your healing journey (16:25)

Why meditation is key to tuning in to our internal world (24:30)

What to do when we get stuck in our familiarized comfort zone (27:50)

How the practice of self observation removes focus without judgment (29:30)

Why we must change our expectations (41:21)

Why we find a way to keep connections with other humans (51:32)

Great ways to say no without apologizing or explaining yourself (56:25)

The importance of going inward and connecting with ourselves everyday (1:07:10)

LINKS MENTIONED

The Body Keeps the Score

Virtual Self Healer Circle Membership

Brain on Fire by Susannah Cahalan

If you enjoyed this episode, show notes and more at http://www.lewishowes.com/932 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes

“You learn to love yourself in the context of relationships with others.”

QUESTIONS

Can we choose to be in suffering or not? (0:30)

Can you learn to suffer less over time? (4:24)

When was the last time you suffered the deepest? (5:32)

Why are relationships seemingly the most hard for people when they are what we need most? (8:32)

How many relationships are thriving after decades of existing? (17:47)

How many values do you need to have in common with your life partner? (27:35)

YOU WILL LEARN

What helps us in times of suffering (14:30)

The 3 ways to make your relationship successful (22:18)

What to focus on if you are single and looking to be in a relationship (24:40)

What determines the success of a relationship day to day (36:01)

Why it’s important to acknowledge the good in your co-workers (41:46)

Why you must deal with your own past in order to deal with your relationship problems at work (50:10)

If you enjoyed this episode, show notes and more at http://www.lewishowes.com/929 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes

Are you your own worst enemy?

There are going to be hundreds of obstacles that we face when trying to pursue greatness.

Some people will tell you that you're not enough.

Others will say your ideas are unconventional and crazy - "it's never going to work!"

Maybe your own family doesn't believe in you.

The pressure from other people can be insane and paralyzing, but sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. We can get in our own way when it comes to our dreams. Insecurity has a way of tripping us up when we try to get out of our comfort zone. Thoughts like, "I'm not enough," play on repeat.

Other times, pride has a way of convincing us that we're doing everything right, when we're actually not, and that's not great either. We always need to be willing to change, to humble ourselves when necessary, and to get out of our comfort zone.

On this episode of The School of Greatness, I've got Dave Hollis in the house to tell you his story about struggle, adaptation, and success.

Dave Hollis is one half of the dynamic, powerhouse duo that is Rachel and Dave Hollis. He's the former Disney film distribution chief who was responsible for the relaunch of the Star Wars franchise, the Avengers series, and mega-hits like Frozen and Beauty and the Beast, but he left his prestigious post at Disney last year to lead The Hollis Company alongside his wife Rachel Hollis.

In addition to running a company and raising his four beautiful children, Dave is touring the US, regaling tales of how one former personal development skeptic became a spokesperson for growth.

Dave understands the path to success well and acknowledges that it's a path full of change. It requires not only strategy but also the willingness to grow and adapt to situations you never saw coming.

I had Dave's wife, Rachel Hollis, author of Girl, Wash Your Face, on my podcast a while back, and I was so excited to have Dave on here as well! He gets vulnerable talking about their marriage and how they've navigated all this crazy stuff together.

I think you all are really gonna enjoy this one. Join me on Episode 926 to learn how to get out of your own way so you can reach your fullest potential with Dave Hollis.

• What has been the biggest area of growth for you in the last 2 years? (9:06)
• Is there anything in your marriage that still isn’t resolved since Rachel’s career took off? (19:30)
• What have you learned is the common thing that holds women back from their greatness? (40:37)
• What’s your biggest fear about the next 5 years? (46:20)
• Why did you decide to step out and write your own book and brand? (51:47)

• Why Dave is okay with going from CEO to COO (0:30)
• What happens when you have a huge lynchpin product in your business (4:18)
• How to shift your perspective on vulnerability and transparency if you think they are liabilities (6:10)
• Why Dave shifted his relationship with alcohol to focus on running (10:28)
• How to unpack the stories that run your life (17:30)
• Where to draw the line with what you share publicly (26:35)
• How to make tough business decisions for the health of your business (36:29)
• Plus much more...

There's a way to always get what you want.

And it doesn't mean you need to be a tyrant. The art of negotiating is what each of us can learn in order to consistently and confidently get people on our side.

To learn this art, I brought back a super popular guest from a few years ago, former FBI negotiator Chris Voss. Since our first interview, he has only grown in popularity, and I knew he'd have new insights about how to use the art of negotiation in business and life.

Chris is not just a teacher and an author.

During Chris’s 24 year tenure in the FBI, he was trained in the art of negotiation by not only the FBI but Scotland Yard and Harvard Law School. He has used his many years of experience in international crisis and high-stakes negotiations to develop a unique program and team that applies these globally proven techniques to the business world. Now he runs a top consulting company and teaches negotiation to graduate students at universities like Harvard and Georgetown.

In this conversation, we discussed several ways you can negotiate in your day to day life, including getting discounts on anything you buy, closing huge business deals, and walking away from deals and relationships that will never work out. I can't wait for you to hear what Chris has to teach in Episode 902.

• How can we navigate emotional issues without getting too emotional about it? (2:40)
• How often did you fall backwards as an FBI negotiator and get reactive? (8:06)
• What are the biggest findings you learned about negotiation since your book came out? (16:47)
• What are the most common negotiations that anyone goes through on a daily basis? (29:04)
• How can you not take criticism personally? (49:48)
• How important is intention before you begin a negotiation? (57:02)
• How do you handle a negotiation that has gone south so that you don’t burn a bridge? (1:03:04)
• What hostage negotiation tactics do you use on a daily basis? (1:06:30)
• What’s the best approach for someone who wants to buy something? (1:08:14)

• How you can learn to not get defensive when triggered (5:44)
• Tools to use when making a deal in business (13:02)
• Why asking “why” questions makes people defensive (21:40)
• Ways to negotiate client deals if you are just starting out in your career (27:25)
• The formula to get people to do things for you because they feel like it (31:48)
• How to be a great sounding board for someone to work through their feelings (40:35)
• A role-playing exercise you can do with a friend to practice negotiation (51:51)
• Plus much more...

If you enjoyed this episode, check out the video, show notes and more at http://www.lewishowes.com/902 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes

“NO ONE FEELS 100% CONFIDENT IN THEMSELVES ALL THE TIME.” - EMILY SKYE
There’s so many times where we focus on what society tells us will make us happy, and that’s all we chase. Money, a nice car, a house, and material objects that show off our “success."
We always end up overlooking ourselves. You avoid exercising until the doctor says you have to. I’m sure you’ve experienced it plenty. You ignore your stress at work until you just can’t take it anymore.
Ultimately your emotional state should take a priority. Without it, you can’t be at your best. At the end of the day, happiness is an emotional. All of the material items in the world can’t get you there.
That’s why I wanted to do a mashup this week on overcoming emotional obstacles from some of the masters: Emily Skye, Josh Shipp, Rupi Kaur and Joshua Millburn.
On this episode you’ll learn how to overcome emotional barriers that continue to hold us back.
If you take these lessons from people who have come from all walks of life you’ll be able to achieve your true destiny.
Please, sit down with this one and take notes. I know it’s going to help you tremendously.
So learn how to keep your emotions in line to nail your goals, and feel fulfilled, on Episode 671.
Some Questions I Ask:
Do you still go through times of being insecure? (5:40)
Why do you get insecure at times? (6:32)
If something isn’t working in your business, how do you handle the inner critic? (10:26)
How old were you (Shipp) when you met your final foster parents? (15:56)
Do you (Rupi) think your work would be as powerful without going through pain and suffering? (19:43)
In This Episode You Will Learn:
What everyone needs to be responsible for (5:04)
Tools you can use to overcome insecurities (7:48)
How Emily stays grounded when things are going well (11:38)
How Josh Shipp was emotionally removed from people who were trying to help him (14:02)
Shipp’s lesson from a night in jail as a teenager (16:38)
The danger of being your own worst enemy (18:41)
How Rupi continues to create new things (21:03)
What you need to focus on (22:34)
How Joshua Millburn knows what needs to be fixed (25:17)

ADDITION IS MORE POWERFUL THAN SUBTRACTION.
You’ll hear from a lot of people that if you want to succeed at something you need to cut out all of the bad. This may be in your business, your personal life, or even in your health.
In reality, that’s not always the easiest thing to do. How many time have you had your heart broken and find yourself going through your ex’s Instagram posts to see what they are doing?
Sure, it would be nice to cut it out - but for some reason you just can’t.
The key is not to subtract these things from your life, but to add more positive things. When you do this, you won’t have the time to let bad things into your life.
For example, if you are at a restaurant and you sit down at the table you may be eyeing the dessert menu. Maybe that chocolate cheesecake sounds so good.
When you order your meal you start with a salad, then order a healthy plate with a lot of vegetables. When you’re finished eating, you’re so full you don’t even want that cheesecake anymore.
Apply that same principle into your life. Fill it with positivity in every area of your life and the bad will weed itself out over time.
To dive deeper into this subject, I wanted to bring you back an older episode from Natalie Jill.
Natalie is an inspiration to everyone. She wasn’t born with a silver spoon in her mouth, and at one point lost everything she had worked for. Since then she’s gained it all back and more.
She sat down and gave insights on how she is able to continually build on her success, and how anyone can achieve their goals.
So learn how you can make your dreams come true through abundance instead of deprivation, on Episode 666.
In This Episode You Will Learn:
What you should think about in fitness (00:54)
How to improve your emotional health (1:39)
What feeds into negativity (2:53)
What Natalie wants to be known for (3:42)

"JUDGMENT COMES FROM THE MOMENT OF SEPARATION.”
One thing I’ve always struggled with in life is feeling like I was being judged. I was afraid of what people would think of me, and I felt I had an image I needed to keep up. I’m sure you can relate.
I discovered that this was caused more by judgment of myself. I was judging everything I did right, and everything I did wrong. Anything I did wrong I would beat myself up for.
One thing I’ve been working on is letting go of judgment. I try to observe when it’s there, and not have any emotional attachment to it. It’s amazing how much the world can change when judgment isn’t in the picture.
"Judgment is toxic and holds us back from living our lives.”
On this episode of The School of Greatness we are joined by Gabrielle Bernstein.
Gabby is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back, and has written five additional bestsellers! She was featured on Oprah’s SuperSoul Sunday as a “next-generation thought leader,” and The New York Times named her “a new role model.” She appears regularly as an expert on The Dr. Oz Show and co-hosted the Guinness World Record largest guided meditation with Deepak Chopra.
Gabrielle is a certified Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher. She is also trained in the Emotional Freedom Technique and she’s a student of Transcendental Meditation, as taught by the David Lynch Foundation.
YouTube chose Gabrielle as one of its 16 YouTube Next Video Bloggers. Mashable included her in its list of 11 Must-Follow Twitter Accounts for Inspiration. Forbes called her one of the 20 Best-Branded Women.
Gabby is here to talk about her newest book, Judgment Detox, Release the beliefs that hold you back from living a better life, that is being released in January 2018.
She gives amazing insights on how to control the feeling of judgment and find inner peace and respect for yourself on Episode 581.
"Forgiveness isn’t something we have to go figure out.”
Some Questions I Ask:
Why did you write judgment detox? (5:05)
What was judgment doing to you? (6:23)
Do you feel like you were more judgmental of yourself or others? (9:54)
When did you realize you were so judgmental? (10:41)
What’s worse, judging others or judging yourself? (14:40)
Do you feel like in order to be less judgmental we have to forgive first? (18:12)
What happens when you are triggered? (23:51)
How do you approach someone to end judgment of you? (27:51)
Do you feel like you and your husband are less judgmental of each other now? (31:04)
Who is this book not for? (31:40)
In This Episode You Will Learn:
What judgment was doing to Gabby (6:23)
How judgment is like an addiction (8:26)
The effects of word on judgment (10:20)
How to stop judging ourselves for judging (11:38)
What’s possible for us when we stop judging ourselves or others (14:52)
How to navigate everything happening today without judgment (16:19)
What happens to our world when we are judging more (26:18)
The biggest thing that’s opened up for Gabby since the book has been completed (30:18)
Gabby’s vision for her life this year (32:14)

"It takes way less energy to be positive than it does to be negative."
If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes and more at http://lewishowes.com/553

"Suffering and joy are the exact same thing." - Rupi Kaur
If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/545

"Who you are shapes how you build." - Chris Kuenne
If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/517

"Own your weirdness." - Vanessa Van Edwards
If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video and more at http://lewishowes.com/475

"The warrior is the one connected to his or her heart." - JP Sears
If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/454

"We can either be shiny and admired or we can be real and loved." - Glennon Doyle Melton
If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/376

"You've got to cultivate people around you who are not afraid to tell you the truth." - Ryan Holiday
If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes and more at http://lewishowes.com/352

"I prepare as much as I can and then I leave space for something that is unplanned." - Taye Diggs
If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/342