Logo

    About this Episode

    In our 20s there are four things we worry about more than anything else: love, money, the future, and our friendships. As we grow and change, the relationships around us will also naturally change and we may begin to notice how we are seeing our friends less and less, watching certain friendships fizzle out or completely outgrowing each other. It's not the same as it once was. This can cause a lot of panic. But underneath the fear of our changing friendships is a more primal fear of being alone. 

    In today's episode we break down the psychology behind our evolving friendships, the four types of friendship breakup, and how to adapt to these new kinds of relationship in our 20s, alongside the biggest friendship misconceptions that keep us in unfulfilling situations. All of that and more. Listen now! 

     

    Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/ 

    For business enquiries: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com 

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    🔑 Key Takeaways

    • It's normal for friendships to change and evolve during this transformative decade. Embrace these changes as part of personal growth while maintaining a healthy network for mental health and overall satisfaction.
    • Friendships naturally evolve and change as we go through different life stages. Embracing these transitions and focusing on nurturing connections that align with our current values and lifestyles is essential for maintaining fulfilling relationships.
    • Our fear of loneliness can cause us to overanalyze and become hyperaware of shifts in our friendships, but it's important to recognize that these changes are a natural part of life's transitions.
    • Proximity, similarity, familiarity, and reciprocity are crucial for strong and long-lasting friendships. Losing two or more of these factors can lead to significant changes or even the loss of the relationship.
    • Friendships change and it's okay. Accepting that not all friendships are meant to last forever allows for personal growth and peace of mind.
    • It's normal to feel hurt and confused when a friendship ends abruptly, but it's important to remember that sometimes it's for the best. We should prioritize healthy relationships that support our growth and not be afraid to let go and embrace new opportunities.
    • It's important to focus on the quality of friendships, including trust, comfort, and love, rather than the size of our social circle. Setting boundaries and finding new friendships are crucial for personal growth.
    • It's important to recognize when friendships no longer align with who you are and make space for new relationships that can bring you fulfillment. Don't limit yourself or fear missing out on new connections.
    • Friendships evolve and change over time, but this shouldn't be seen as a negative. Instead, see it as an opportunity to create the life and friendships you desire. Openness and vulnerability are key in maintaining true connections.
    • Transitions and loneliness are normal, and it's important not to blame yourself. Trust that new relationships are on the horizon and embrace this period of personal growth. You are not alone.

    📝 Podcast Summary

    Navigating Changing Friendships in Your Twenties

    Our friendships in our twenties are bound to change and evolve. It's natural and normal for friends to drift apart or outgrow each other during this transformative decade. While this can be scary and unsettling, it's important to understand that some friendships have a shorter life cycle. We shouldn't blame ourselves or panic when friendships show signs of shifting. Instead, we should give ourselves grace and permission to accept these changes as part of our personal growth and development. It's also crucial to maintain a healthy network of friendships for our mental health and overall satisfaction with life. While friendships may change, the joy and connection they bring are worth nurturing. Recognizing and embracing the evolution of our friendships can lead to a more fulfilling and resilient social landscape.

    Navigating the Changing Dynamics of Friendships

    Friendships naturally change and evolve as we go through different stages in life. It is common for friends to move away or choose different paths, leading to feelings of isolation and imbalance in our friendship circles. Distance and the loss of proximity can significantly impact the dynamics of relationships, requiring more effort and investment to maintain them. Additionally, as we grow older, our interests and ways of socializing may shift, causing us to outgrow certain behaviors or activities. This can result in the loss of friendships formed around those shared experiences. It is important to recognize that these changes are normal and okay. We should embrace the transitions and focus on nurturing the connections that align with our current values and lifestyles.

    Navigating the Roller Coaster of Friendship in Our Twenties

    Our friendships go through a roller coaster ride in our twenties. We can experience overwhelming love and fulfillment from our friendships one day, only to feel completely alone and isolated a few days later. However, this roller coaster is often fueled by our own subjective and instinctual fear of loneliness. We become hyperaware of any signs that our relationships are weakening and people are becoming distant, even though sometimes it's just our mental state playing tricks on us. It's important to recognize that this fear is rooted in a deeper fear of being alone, and that friendships naturally evolve and change. Our twenties are a period of significant transition for everyone, and we all have different life paths and milestones. As we navigate this explosive growth and impact in our lives, it's normal for relationships to shift and evolve.

    The Four Factors that Influence Friendships

    The strength and longevity of friendships depend on four key factors: proximity, similarity, familiarity, and reciprocity. Proximity refers to physical closeness, making regular contact and frequency of interaction crucial. Similarity in interests, hobbies, and lifestyle also plays a significant role in deepening relationships. Familiarity goes beyond the length of knowing someone; it encompasses the intimate knowledge we have of each other. Reciprocity is the assurance that the love, energy, and time we invest in a friendship will be reciprocated. When any of these conditions shift or diminish, friendships can struggle or even crumble. Maintaining at least three of these factors is essential for a friendship to thrive, while losing two or more can lead to significant changes or loss in the relationship. It's a common experience to go through changes in friendships in our twenties, and it's important to realize that these shifts are normal and experienced by many.

    Embracing the Transitions: Understanding the Evolution of Friendships

    Friendships change as people change, and it's not necessarily a negative thing. It's important to recognize that friendships go through transitions, just like any other relationship. It's normal for friendships to fizzle out or for new friendships to take their place. Sometimes, significant events or misunderstandings can irreversibly alter friendships, leading to different types of friendship breakups. While it may be painful to see a close friend replace you or move on, it's crucial to understand that it doesn't diminish your worth or their previous value in your life. It's important to approach these changes with rationality and acceptance, knowing that not all friendships are meant to last forever. By letting go and allowing the natural course of friendships to unfold, we can find peace and growth in our own lives.

    Coping with Friendship Breakups and Moving Forward

    Friendship breakups can be incredibly painful because they often come without explanation or closure. Unlike romantic breakups, we don't expect friendships to end, which makes it even more devastating. When a friendship ends unilaterally, we are left to search for answers on our own and grapple with the loss alone. However, it's important to recognize that sometimes these endings are for the best. As we grow older, we may realize that certain friendships no longer serve us or respect our boundaries. It's okay to grieve the loss and reflect on the good times, but it's also okay to move on and prioritize healthy relationships that nurture and build us up. We don't have to sacrifice our needs for the sake of company, as we can find new connections that suit our current chapter in life. It's impossible to keep every friend we've ever had, and it's not a reflection of our character to let go and embrace new opportunities. Managing changing friendships is a natural part of life, and we can navigate this evolving landscape with grace and self-awareness.

    The Truth About Friendships: Quality Matters More Than Quantity

    We don't need a massive group of friends to be happy. The idea that we must have a tight-knit circle like in TV shows or movies is fiction. What truly matters in friendships is trust, comfort, love, and belonging, regardless of whether it's a one-on-one bond or a larger group. Another misconception is feeling obligated to maintain a friendship solely because of its duration or the other person's difficulties. Continually investing in a one-sided relationship without receiving anything in return can harm both parties involved. It's crucial to set boundaries and not fear appearing disloyal or upsetting the other person. Additionally, it is never too late to make new friends. Throughout our lives, we naturally replace and prune our friendships, allowing for growth and connection with new people as we evolve as individuals.

    Letting go of friendships and making room for new connections.

    Relationships evolve and change over time, and it's okay to let go of certain friendships that no longer align with who you are or fulfill your social needs. It's unrealistic to expect to maintain connections with everyone from your past, and it's important to make space for new friendships that may bring you more fulfillment. Don't hold on to relationships out of fear that you won't find anyone else. Leave room for new people to enter your life and be open to new experiences. Don't limit yourself to one type of friend or base closeness solely on the length of a friendship. Don't believe that you've missed the opportunity to make lifelong friends because there's always room for new connections. Don't let fear dictate your actions or respond irrationally to changes in your friendship landscape. Just because a relationship has changed doesn't mean it has to be discarded completely. Keep the door open and allow friends to move up and down in the levels of your friendship.

    Embrace Change and Nurture Friendships

    Friendships can go through periods of disconnect and change, but that doesn't mean the end of the friendship. Change does not equal death. The best kinds of friendships change and evolve, even through factors like time and proximity. Instead of viewing it as a negative or a loss, see it as a new beginning and an opportunity to create the life and friendships you want. Loneliness is just an emotion, a message from our mind telling us we need connection. It's important to be honest with your friends about how you feel and make time for each other. Most importantly, remember that true friends want you to be happy and will respond positively to your openness and vulnerability.

    Embracing Transitions and Loneliness as Opportunities for Growth

    Going through periods of transition and loneliness is a normal part of life. It's not just you, as many people naturally fear change and struggle with isolation. It's important not to blame yourself or internalize these experiences as a sign of inadequacy. Instead, recognize that you haven't yet met all the people who will become important in your life. There is so much love and connection still to come. Studies have shown that it's common for friendships to change and be replaced over time. So, embrace this transition period and trust that it is necessary for personal growth and to appreciate the beauty of new relationships. Remember, you are not alone in this journey.

    Recent Episodes from The Psychology of your 20s

    188. Why are we so indecisive?

    188. Why are we so indecisive?

    Our inability to make decisions is wasting our time, keeping us acting from a place of fear and stuck in a life we don't want! It's also not entirely our fault and often stems from unconscious mechanisms, neuroticism and fears that we haven't recognised. In today's episode we break down: 

    • Why you struggle to make decisions
    • The consequences of our chronic indecisiveness 
    • Perfection and indecision 
    • Choice overload 
    • A fear of failure 
    • How to overcome your indecisiveness using the 80/20 rule
    • The 'trusted advisor' method 

    Listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    187. Falling for a friend and the friendzone

    187.  Falling for a friend and the friendzone

    About 2/3rds of couples start off as friends according to recent research. But developing feelings for a friend isn't always a happily ever after situation. In today's episode we break down why it is that we fall in love with our friends, the principles of attraction such as the similarity liking effect and mere exposure effect, whether to say anything or keep it to yourself, managing the pain of rejection or social loss and your best tips for protecting the friendship and your own heart. Listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    186. The psychology of sleep

    186. The psychology of sleep

    Sleep is one of our most vital functions but how many of us actually know that much about it, the links to our physical functioning, mental health, relationships and overall wellbeing. What about some of the strange experiments they've conducted to investigate dreams or how long we can go without sleep? In today's episode we take a deep dive into the psychology of sleep, including: 

    • Why we need sleep?
    • What actually is REM sleep?
    • The Russian Sleep Experiment 
    • Sleep debt 
    • Sleep as a form of self sabotage
    • Revenge bedtime procrastination 
    • The impact of blue light and screens in the bedroom 
    • How to improve your sleep hygiene and more 

    Listen now for when you want to maximise your shut eye! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

    For business enquiries: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    185. Living with your parents in your 20s

    185. Living with your parents in your 20s

    More and more 20 something year olds are choosing to live with their parents; we are moving out later and a lot of us are boomeranging (coming back home after moving out). In today's episode we explore the emotional and psychological impacts of living with your parents in your 20s, why more of us are living at home because of financial anxiety or housing insecurity, how to handle conflict with your parents whilst you're still living under their roof and 6 tips for a successful living at home situation + some of your stories, advice and the benefits. 

    Listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

    For business enquiries: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    184. How to get your spark back

    184. How to get your spark back

    We lose our spark and love for life for many reasons: burnout, mental ill health, people pleasing, a breakup. When we do it can feel like life gets very boring, it loses colour, we lose interest and we can become cynical towards all of the small joys and brilliance of being alive and being human. In this episode we break down six tips for getting your spark back: 

    • The power of rest
    • Choosing to live light versus live heavy 
    • Reconnecting with your inner child + play 
    • Seeking inspiration in the mundane and The Alchemist 
    • Exercise + the healing power of nature 
    • Ignoring the urge to compare 

    Listen now for when you're in a rut or have lost your spark! 

     

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    183. Disliking your friends partner

    183. Disliking your friends partner

    You're not going to get along with everyone and one of those people you don't get along with might end up dating someone you love i.e your friend. Disliking your friends partner often stems from one of three reasons: your dating preferences don't match, you're experiencing platonic jealousy, you're genuinely worried about this other person being bad for your friend, exploitative or abusive. We talk about all three of these outcomes in today's episode along with what to do in response: do you stay silent or speak up? 

    Listen now! 

     

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    182. Social media is ruining my mental health

    182. Social media is ruining my mental health

    Social media is impacting our mental health in ways we are not ready or willing to acknowledge, and it's time we talk about it. In today's episode we discuss all the psychology of social media and how it is embedded in our social lives, our relationships, our beliefs, our daily routines, our news and our self worth. We break down how social media was designed to be addictive, how it captures more of our time than we think, the differences between people who have been on social media for over 10 years versus who have never been and what we can do about it. We also discuss the role of algorithms and misinformation. There is so much negativity spread online and innate need to compare ourselves to others, but I also believe we can have a positive and moderated relationship with these platforms. Listen now. 

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    181. The psychology of father wounds

    181. The psychology of father wounds

    Father wounds arise from a disorganised or complicated relationship with our father figure - either due to them being physically or emotionally absent, harsh and critical, unfeeling or abusive and can result in a number of dysfunctional behaviours and emotional patterns as we grow older. In this episode we are breaking down the psychology of father wounds and discussing: 

    • The origins of father wounds and the role of generational trauma
    • Mother wounds versus father wounds 
    • Attachment theory and father archetypes 
    • Father hunger and father replacements 
    • Is forgiveness the only answer? 
    • The power of inner child healing 

    All of that and more, listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

    Business enquiries: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    180. "Your 20s are NOT your best years" ft. Dr Meg Jay

    180. "Your 20s are NOT your best years" ft. Dr Meg Jay

    In this episode we are joined by clinical psychologist and author of 'The Defining Decade' to talk about all the frustrations, stressors, misconceptions and hard moments of our 20s and why it's only going to get BETTER from here. We talk about: 

    • Shifting from a 'what if' to a 'what is' or 'what else' mindset
    • Why we fear uncertainity 
    • Milestone anxiety 
    • Sliding versus deciding 
    • Catastrophic thinking 
    • Insecure and anxious attachment styles vs. insecure and anxious moments
    • And so much more 

    Listen now to hear all of Dr Meg's amazing advice and hear a bit about her new book, coming out next month. 

     

    Link to The Defining Decade: https://www.amazon.com.au/Defining-Decade-Meg-Jay/dp/0446561754 

    Pre-order Meg's new book: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Twentysomething-Treatment/Meg-Jay/9781668012291 

    Follow Jemma here: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast here: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    179. Why can't I cry?

    179. Why can't I cry?

    Sometimes all we want to do is a have a big, old fashioned sob and when we can't it leads us feeling emotionally pent up, defective and frustrated. There's an explanation for why we go through periods where we are unable to cry. In today's episode we discuss: 

    • The evolutionary function of crying
    • Crying as an attachment behaviour 
    • The difference between basal, reflex and emotional tears 
    • The 4 major reasons we struggle with crying 
    • How to heal your connection with your emotions 
    • How we process emotions through the body, and more.

    Listen now when you're in need of an emotional catharsis or could really do with a few tears. 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.