The Psychology of your 20s

This episode might be the wakeup call we all need that our traditional notions of success aren't working. We have been conditioned to see success as individualistic, full of sacrifice, centred around discipline, productivity and all about image and looking impressive. Actually, success is a lot more nuanced. Some of the most successful people in the world as the least happy because success does not allow us to prioritise what really matters to us and drives us. In this episode we break down:

• The problems with our idea of success
• Overachiever burnout
• Why being successful doesn't always equal happiness
• The alternative and how to find your purpose
• What makes a successful life in your 20s

Listen now!

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All of us find ourselves remincising on the 'good old days' every now and then, but sometimes we can find ourselves getting trapped in the memories of the past and feeling like it will never be as good as it was. This is the nostalgia trap and it can keep us from being present, from enjoying our current season, or making new memories, it can also lead to nostalgic depression. It can be particulalry hard in our 20s when everyone is telling us these are 'the best years of our lives'. In today's episode we talk about how to find a healthy balance between remembering and enjoying the moment, including:

• Early ideas of nostalgia
• The reason we feel nostalgia
• Are we more nostalgic now than ever?
• Can we have too much nostalgia?
• Peter Pan Syndrome
• Chronic and depressive nostalgia
• How to be more present + tips for managing our nostalgia

Listen now!

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Journalling is seen as one of the holy grails when it comes to trying to improve your mental health and emotional wellbeing, but what about it is so great? The people who love it, absolutely swear by it, but where do we even begin? How can we make it less like a chore, and more joyous? In today's episode, we break down the psychology and fundamentals of journalling, including:

• The history of journalling and writing therapy
• The physical, mental and emotional benefits
• How to find the right journalling technique for you
• The benefits of 'ugly' journalling
• Why journalling can be so difficult to start
• The FOUR fundamental principles for enjoying journalling
• My favourite journalling prompts
• Alternatives when writing isn't your thing

Listen now!

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Our fear of being alone forever and never finding the right one is scary, but it's also pretty natural. Whether you have never dated before, or are worried that you have missed your chance for true, long term love, it can be hard to imagine ourselves finding the right person without getting really caught up in the dating process. Today, let's talk about how to overcome your fear of being alone or ending up single, including:

• The fear of missing out
• The impact of social pain
• The societal narrative towards singlehood
• Single shaming language + the role of ambiguous loss
• Does a fear of being alone make us less selective?
• How to be self partnered and actually LOVE it!

All of that and some much more! Listen now!

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One of the biggest questions we seem to encounter in our 20s and beyond is: what is my calling? What is my purpose, my mission, my passion? So many of us are left feeling panicked and like we are wasting time looking for the answer. Shouldn't this be obvious? Shouldn't I know by now? Actually, finding your purpose is not as simple as it looks, but in today's episode we dive into the Japanese concept of Ikigai:

• What are you good at?
• What do you love doing?
• What does the world need?
• What can you get paid for?

We break down exactly to find your answer to each of these elements and hopefully feel closer to your calling + 3 bonus exercises for finding more clarity on what drives you. Listen now!

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Resentment is sometimes labelled as an ugly or bad emotion, something that is derived from a sense of entitlement. In actuality, resentment is a really useful emotion, it serves as an emotional alarm, it teaches us what we value, and it can help us understand our own expectations and sense of self worth even more. Despite that, when we don't manage our resentment well it can also come to harm our relationships or cause us to be too rash. In today's episode, we break down the psychology of resentment, including:

• Why we experience resentment
• What you resentment may be telling you
• Our 3 ways to respond to resentment
• How to release resentment and move through it

Listen now!

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Survival mode is, at its core, a stress response. When our minds and our bodies are put under extreme stress or believe we are in danger, we can enter a state where all we care about is getting through the next day. This can turn us into a person we're not and make us lose the enjoyment and love for life, but also feel overwhelmed by constant panic and anxiety. In today's episode, we discuss how to break free of survival mode, the difference between our learning brain and our survival brain, why we find ourselves here to begin with, what's happening in our brain and our bodies and the best advice, tips and therapies for getting back into safe mode.

Listen now!

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We all want long lasting, passionate, meaningful love and in our 20s it can hard to figure out exactly how to find that. With so many 'rules' around what to do, pacing, when to become exclusive, when to say 'I love you', when to move in together, it seems the secret is to go slow and build emotional intimacy. In other words, embrace the power of the slow burn, the 'slowmance' and low pressure beginnings.

In this episode we are joined by Hinge's Love & Connection Expert, Moe Ari Brown as they discuss how to slow down and properly build a foundation for sustainable love, why we can often be overwhelmed by the need to speed things up and jump right in, ignoring intuition out of our fear of rejection, and where that can lead us. That and so (SO) much more. Listen now!

Follow Moe here: @loveoutproud

View the new Hinge report: https://hinge.co/press/2024-GenZ-Report

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Is the secret to a happier, less stressful, more connected life actually play? A lot of the research is telling us so! As we get older sometimes we lose a bit of our joy, awe and wonder, and the time we have for our friendships becomes more restricted by work, obligations, distance, commitment and seriousness. In today's episode, let's talk about why the solution to that may be to bring back adult playdates, including:

• The psychology behind why play is important
• The loneliness epidemic
• Why our sense of connection has become disrupted
• Our 8 play personalities
• The power of parallel play
• Microhabits for creating playfulness and fun, and so much more!

Listen now! And don't forget to schedule your playdate!!

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Our self doubts are what is keeping us in our own way. It is the foundation for our inner critic to tell us: you're not good enough, you're not talented enough, intelligent beautiful, hardworking to have the life and success you want. When we let our self doubts take control, it often means that we end up self handicapping or sabotaging before we get to the start line. In today's episode we are going to talk about the psychology of self doubt and how to silence those false beliefs, including:

• The origin of false beliefs in childhood experiences
• The impact of bullying on adult identity
• Overcoming failure and setbacks
• Imposter syndrome + self sabotage
• The power of a persona + the batman effect
• Doubting your own doubts
• Asking 'why not you?', and so much more

Listen now!

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Today on the podcast we are talking about toxic positivity and the problem with always being positive and putting a fluffy, warm, positive spin on things. Often our unrealistic optimism comes from a good place and our desire to be happy all the time but any person knows that isn't always possible. We break down:

• The reason we gravitate towards toxic positivity
• What toxic positivity looks like
• The impact of wellness and self help content
• The consequences for our mental health
• The consequences for our emotional intelligence
• Why people who accept negative emotions are ACTUALLY happier
• How to practice emotional acceptance and healthy positivity

All of that and so much more, listen now!

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We all know what red flags are, they tend to be universal at any age, but there are some redflags that are specific to our 20s, certain features of a relationship during this decade to look out for even if they don't look concerning at first. On today's episode we talk about the five biggest red flags for relationships in our 20s, including:

1. Relationships that stop you from having experiences
2. Relationships that cause emotional chaos
3. Relationships that don't celebrate or encourage you
4. All or nothing relationships
5. Fatal attractor relationships

We also explore the psychology and of course the research behind why these can be so damaging to help us find more sustainable and healthy love during this decade. Listen now!

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The period after graduation can be really difficult, filled with emotions like grief, anxiety, worry about the future, loneliness and nostalgia as we leave the structure and comfort of college and university for the big, confusing real world. In today's episode we break down the psychology of the post-graduation blues, including:

• What defines this experience
• How long does it last?
• The loss of friends as well as security and stability
• What triggers our unease
• How we can embrace the fear and uncertainty
• Setting realistic goals for our first year post graduation

This and so much more, all with some amazing advice and wisdom from our guest, the therapist Liz Kelly, author of the book 'This Book Is Cheaper Than Therapy'. Listen now!

Buy Liz book here: https://www.amazon.com.au/This-Book-Cheaper-Than-Therapy/dp/1962305007

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Very few of us ever receive an education on coping. We are taught bad things happen, we are taught pointless math equations, we are taught to grin and bear it, but not effective psychological ways of integrating stressful, painful, frustrating experiences. In this episode, we break down the psychology of coping mechanisms, including:

• Problem focused vs. emotion focused coping
• Maladaptive vs. adaptive coping
• Our most common defence mechanisms
• How to stop numbing ourselves to our experiences
• How to consciously deal with hard things in life
• Our coping statements
• Freud, Carl Jung and many more

Listen now for a comprehensive deep dive into coping in your 20s and beyond.

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Conversations seem like they should be the easiest thing in the world, but we all know that sometimes that is not the case! Mental distractions, running out of things to talk about, feeling a bit off, all some of the roadblocks we face. In today's episode we break down FIVE tips to have better conversations:

1. The 2:1 question ratio
2. The fast friends protocol
3. Story topping and bright siding
4. The 5 minute urge
5. The liking gap

Listen now for more so we can all be having better conversations in whatever area of life!

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Love bombing has been a hot topic as of recent, but what does it ACTUALLY mean or entail? In today's episode we are breaking down all of the psychology of love bombing, including:

• The cultish origin of love bombing
• The three stages of love bombing
• Why people love bomb?
• The interaction between narcissism and love bombing
• Intensity addiction and love bombing
• The five questions for determining: is it love or lovebombing?

We also dive into why it can be so easy to get swept up by these individuals and behaviours, how to know it when you see it and the strength it takes to walk away.

Listen now!

For online help: https://whiteribbon.org.au/helplines/

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Since the beginning of this show I've been super open about my mental health so I thought I'd share an update (the bad, the good and the really good). Let's normalise talking openly and honestly about what we're going through even when its not pretty or aesthetic. Thank you for all the support!

Mental Health support in your area: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/

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The thought of having children in our 20s feels like an incredibly adult decision, and is one a lot of us probably don't consider. We want to protect our youth and our freedom a little bit longer, or perhaps have decided we probably will never want children.

But whether you want to have children or not, having a clear understanding of your future intentions or choices, your reproductive health, the kind of person who might make a good partner, and therefore parent, is important. More information, more foresight actually equals greater freedom and sometimes time to decide.

We break down:

• Why you should be thinking in your 20s
• The pros and cons of having children in your 20s
• The argument for NOT having children
• Fertility
• Milestone anxiety and the pressure to find someone
• Your stories of pregnancy, parenthood and fertility in your 20s

Listen now!

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Struggling with our self worth can often impact how deserving we feel of love. This sense that we may be 'unloveable' causes us to miss out on healthy, fulfilling relationships, self sabotage and stay with people who don't deserve us. In today's episode, we discuss:

• The origins of why we feel unworthy of love
• Childhood wounds
• Early romantic scripts and teen romance
• Repeated rejection and shame
• The consequences of feeling unloveable
• Repetition of toxic relationships
• How to restore or rediscover your sense of self worth and self love

And so much more. Listen now!

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All of us have insecurities when it comes to our appearance, but what happens when these become obsessive and a point of fixation? In today's episode we break down the psychology and pathology of body dysmorphia, including:

• The origins in childhood experiences
• Family history and influence
• The differences in expression between men and women
• The relationship between body dysmorphia and cosmetic surgery
• The influence of toxic gym, diet culture and 'bigorexia'
• How false beliefs influence behaviour
• Dating with body dysmorphia, and more

Listen now!

Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

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