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    “You’re Not Obsessed With Your Ex, Patsy; You’re an Addict.” Mel’s Advice, Listener Questions, and More!

    enOctober 23, 2023

    About this Episode

    Welcome to another round of your questions and my advice. I have a stack of your crazy, raw, and unbelievably direct questions, so we are going to have an unfiltered conversation about sex, competitive parents, getting over your ex, and this light and easy question... Is there a God?

     

    You are getting the coaching you need right now.

     

    The questions you asked are juicy:

    Why am I still obsessed with my ex? It’s been 7 years.

    My partner refuses to have sex with me. What do I do now?

    The parents of my kid’s friends are so competitive; how the hell do I get out of this rat race?

    Is there a God?

    Imposter syndrome is killing my career. What the hell do I do?

    What are the 4 new habits I can’t stop? (Because they are THAT GOOD.)

    Why do I feel so trapped in my life? What do I need to know to get out?

    Why can’t I fix myself after years of personal development courses?


     

    Get the tough love, “ah-ha” moments and laugh your ass off at some of the crazy stuff that goes down in this episode.


     

    You asked… and I can’t wait for you to hear my answers.


     

    Xo, Mel


     

    In this episode:

    1:00: The 4 best tips I’ve learned in these first 100 podcasts.

    4:25: How do you stop checking in on your ex’s social media?

    7:50: 3 techniques to help you argue with your partner in a healthy way.

    10:30: The “red light:green light” technique that’s worked for me and Chris.

    14:15: What’s my astrological sign? 

    15:40: Here’s what I believe about faith and signs and a higher power.

    22:30: What happens when we die? This is what I think.

    24:20: How do you deal with difficult parents of your kids’ friends?

    30:10: Husband is ready for sex months after his wife has a baby, but she’s not.

    35:08: This is how I learned I was dyslexic. 

    35:35: Hard line advice on promoting your business without feeling egotistical.

    37:30: Why all your personal development work doesn’t feel like it’s working.

    41:50: Behind the scenes and blooper clips just for you.

    Want more resources? Go to my podcast page at melrobbins.com/podcast.

     

    Disclaimer

    🔑 Key Takeaways

    • Taking simple steps, such as getting out of bed immediately, exposing ourselves to bright light, taking walks, intermittent fasting, tidying up our physical space, and avoiding toxic habits, can greatly improve our mental state and well-being.
    • Blocking an ex on social media can help break addictive behavior and create space for personal growth, while resolving conflicts in a healthy way is crucial for a lasting relationship.
    • Communicate responsibly by establishing red light or green light moments, respecting emotional boundaries, listening more than talking, and exploring deeper issues to have meaningful and productive conversations.
    • Addressing underlying emotional needs and embracing belief in something greater can bring connection, purpose, and unlock extraordinary possibilities in life.
    • By letting go of fear and connecting authentically with others, we create opportunities and make a positive impact on ourselves and those around us. Embrace the unknown and believe in the power of our dreams.
    • Allow and support children to develop their own social relationships and connections, without projecting our desires or expectations onto them.
    • By giving children the freedom to make their own choices, parents can avoid causing unhappiness and insecurity in both the children and themselves.
    • Prioritize open and honest communication to maintain intimacy, considering your partner's feelings and needs, to foster a stronger connection and potentially reignite desire.
    • Personal development requires more than just consuming inspiring content; it involves changing habits, confronting beliefs, and actively implementing actions to become the person you want to be.

    📝 Podcast Summary

    Holistic Approach to Mental Health and Well-being

    Taking care of our mental health often requires a holistic approach that includes physical habits and lifestyle changes. Many experts on The Mel Robbins Podcast have emphasized the importance of addressing mental health issues from the neck down. Simple habits like getting out of bed immediately, exposing ourselves to bright light, and taking walks can have a significant impact on our mood and well-being. Intermittent fasting has also been found to be a game changer for many, particularly women. Additionally, tidying up and decluttering our physical space can have a profound effect on our mental state and organization. Lastly, it's crucial to break the toxic cycle of constantly checking our ex's social media, as it only prolongs the healing process and prevents us from moving on.

    Blocking an ex on social media for personal growth and healing.

    Blocking an ex on social media can be a crucial step in moving on from the past and creating a different future. Research shows that constantly looking at an ex's profile can create a cycle of addictive behavior, similar to gambling or substance addiction. By blocking them on every platform, you remove the temptation and create space for personal growth and healing. It's important to rely on the support of friends and communicate your need to avoid any mention of the person. By removing the past from your present, you allow yourself to focus on building a healthier and happier future. Additionally, when it comes to arguing with your partner, it's crucial to assume good intent, practice active listening, and avoid walking away from conflicts. Resolving conflicts in a healthy way is essential for a strong and lasting relationship.

    Respectful Communication: Creating Emotional Boundaries in Relationships

    Communication in relationships requires self-awareness and consideration for the other person's emotional capacity. Instead of emotionally overwhelming someone with our problems or frustrations, it's important to create a bridge and establish a red light or green light moment. This allows us to politely signal whether we can handle a conversation at that moment or if it's better to discuss it later. It's about being responsible with our emotions and respecting the emotional boundaries of others. By using this tool, we can avoid bickering and focus on the deeper issues that may be causing tension in the relationship. Additionally, listening more than talking and understanding the underlying reasons behind our arguments can lead to more meaningful and productive conversations.

    Going Deeper in Relationships and Embracing Faith for a Fulfilling Life

    In relationships, arguments often go beyond the surface issue and stem from not feeling seen or supported. It's important to go a level deeper and address these underlying emotional needs. Additionally, belief in a higher power or a greater force can bring a sense of connection and purpose. This belief allows us to see signs and synchronicities that guide us towards our true path. By being open to these signs and having the courage to believe in something greater, we can unlock extraordinary possibilities in our lives. So, whether it's finding balance like a Libra or pursuing our dreams like Kendall, embracing faith and staying open to the signs can lead us in the right direction.

    Embracing True Desires and Overcoming Limiting Beliefs

    There is help and alignment all around us when we align ourselves with our true desires and overcome our own limiting beliefs. Kendall's story shows that when she let go of her fears and connected with people authentically, amazing opportunities and connections came her way. It's a reminder that we shouldn't just sit back and watch others achieve their dreams, but instead step into our own dreams and ask ourselves "what if?". By doing so, we create energetic ripples that impact not only ourselves but also those around us. The story also prompts us to believe in a higher power and embrace the unknown possibilities that lie beyond this life.

    Nurturing Authentic Connections and Friendships

    We are all born into a world that we may not fully understand or be conscious of. Our beliefs and perspectives are shaped by various factors, including our upbringing and spiritual beliefs. While historical figures and institutions may offer guidance, true connection and understanding come from within ourselves. It is essential to recognize that our children's friendships and social dynamics are their own and may not align with our desires or expectations. It is crucial for parents to allow their children the space to form their own relationships and navigate their social lives. Our own insecurities should not be projected onto our children, as it may hinder their growth and happiness. Instead, we should focus on facilitating opportunities for them to find genuine connections and friendships that will enrich their lives.

    The importance of allowing children to choose their own friends and activities

    Parents who try to control their kids' friendships or forcefully insert them into every social activity may be acting out of their own insecurities. It is important to recognize that children should have the freedom to choose their friends and participate in activities based on their own preferences. Pressuring them or expecting them to constantly include others can lead to unhappiness and insecurity for both the kids and the parents. Instead, focus on cultivating intimacy and connection through non-sexual means, especially after the birth of a child. Understand and empathize with the physical and emotional challenges your partner may be facing, and prioritize affectionate gestures over solely focusing on sexual intimacy.

    Nurturing intimacy through open and honest communication.

    Cultivating intimacy in a relationship requires open and honest conversation. It's important to consider your partner's feelings and needs, especially during times of physical or emotional challenges such as postpartum recovery or surgery. Rushing into physical intimacy without addressing concerns or discomfort can lead to further rejection and strain in the relationship. Instead, approach the situation with empathy and understanding, and have a conversation about how to maintain intimacy in ways that are comfortable and enjoyable for both partners. By prioritizing communication and making your partner feel supported, you can foster a stronger connection and potentially reignite desire.

    Taking Action for True Personal Growth

    Personal development should not be treated as mere entertainment or a passive activity. It's not enough to consume inspiring content or learn about self-improvement without taking action. True personal growth requires changing habits, confronting deep-rooted beliefs, and healing past wounds. It's about becoming the person you want to be and living a life aligned with your values and worth. A practical exercise is to envision the daily habits and routines of the version of yourself that feels worthy and then actively implement those actions, even when you don't feel like it. It's through consistent action that you prove to yourself your own worth and create a positive feedback loop. Remember, worth is not determined by external factors, but by the way you treat yourself and the actions you take.

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