🔑 Key Takeaways
- High achievers effectively communicate, enjoy their success, and say no to difficult people, while consistently stretching their comfort zones without burnout.
- Effective people prioritize tasks and relationships based on whether they give or drain energy, and are assertive in managing their time accordingly.
- Assess relationships for energy, prioritize good ones, accept obligatory, and consider ambivalent ones. Focus on liking others to strengthen connections.
- Authentic liking and appreciation spreads happiness, builds relationships, and prevents burnout. Find commonalities and express genuine feelings to improve moods and strengthen connections.
- Vulnerability makes us more likable and connects us to others by showing our imperfections
- Paying attention to toe direction, assertive postures, and small cues can significantly impact how others perceive us and boost our confidence.
- Making conscious choices to adopt confident and open body language can improve feelings and perceptions, while hunching or crossing arms can make us feel anxious and defensive.
- Paying attention to body language and using small gestures like armrests, swiveling chairs, steeple gesture, and rubbing hands can significantly impact how others perceive us and how we feel about ourselves.
- Effective communication includes intentional gestures that can convey 400% more information than words alone, making messages more memorable and believable, and harder to lie with.
- Using purposeful language in calendar invites can set a positive tone, encourage collaboration, and help nervous speakers convey the essence of an event with fewer words.
- Using words like 'win,' 'power,' and 'exciting' in self-talk and interactions can boost motivation, performance, and enjoyment. Asking open-ended and exciting questions can lead to more meaningful and engaging conversations.
- Focus on positive and exciting questions to level up interactions, avoid uncomfortable questions, and surround yourself with high performers for positive energy.
- Being aware of emotional contagion and managing our emotions can help us make meaningful connections. The physical environment of social events also plays a role in our ability to connect, with areas like near the exit or in the host's eyeline being advantageous.
- Identify strengths and weaknesses to focus on A work, delegate D work, and build strong relationships with A people.
- Effectively manage your workload by focusing on your strengths, delegating weaknesses, and collaborating with team members to optimize productivity and avoid burnout.
- Effective people understand the importance of balancing different types of tasks, managing energy levels, and enjoying the process to stay motivated and avoid burnout.
- Having a purposeful goal can bring happiness and success, prioritize it, say no to draining tasks, believe in yourself, and focus on what truly matters.
📝 Podcast Summary
Learning from High Achievers
The science of success is not just about achieving goals, but also enjoying the process and effectively communicating with others. High achievers have specific behavior patterns that allow them to easily say no to difficult people, enjoy their success, and clearly express who they are. However, it's important to note that being busy or burnt out is not a sign of success. Instead, high performers consistently stretch their comfort zones without becoming burnt out. By learning and implementing the specific behaviors and habits of high achievers, one can increase their chances of success and happiness in both personal and professional life.
Understanding and managing social and work energy
Highly effective people understand and manage their social and work energy just as deliberately as they manage their tasks. Social energy comes from positive interactions and can be recharged, while work energy comes from tasks that give us focus and productivity. Ambivalence towards social tasks or relationships, or work tasks, can drain us more than we realize. Effective people are assertive in recognizing and prioritizing tasks and relationships that give them energy, and in saying no to those that drain them. It's important to identify what social and work activities truly energize or drain us, and to approach them with a sense of certainty and enthusiasm. By doing so, we can increase our overall energy and effectiveness in both our personal and professional lives.
Evaluate Relationships: Good, Bad, and Ambivalent
It's essential to evaluate the people in our lives and distinguish between good, bad, and ambivalent relationships. Ambivalent relationships require a significant amount of energy and may leave us feeling drained and uncertain. To identify good relationships, consider those you would make time for and prioritize. Conversely, acknowledge and accept obligatory relationships that may not bring joy but are necessary. Lastly, assess ambivalent relationships and consider whether they enrich your life or if it's time to let go. Additionally, remember that you have an impact on others' perceptions of you. By focusing on liking and appreciating others, we become more likable and strengthen our connections. High achievers utilize this principle, starting their day with positive expectations and clear intentions.
Expressing authentic appreciation to others
Being likable starts with you and spreading authentic likability to others can lead to positive outcomes. Micro moments of acknowledgement and genuine appreciation can make a big difference. However, it's essential to be authentic in your expressions of liking and not force it if you don't genuinely feel it. Research shows that authentic happiness is more contagious and can improve moods. So, make a list of people you genuinely like, find commonalities, and express your appreciation. This not only feels good but also prevents burnout and helps build meaningful relationships.
Study shows people find vulnerability likable
Being vulnerable and authentic can make us more likable, despite any misconceptions that we need to be perfect or impressive. A study by Richard Wiseman showed that people rated an actress as more likable when she made mistakes during a smoothie demonstration. Vulnerability allows us to connect with others by showing that we're human and imperfect. Vanessa shared her personal experience of hiding her vulnerability for years and only starting to form meaningful connections once she began sharing her weaknesses. Additionally, our bodies subconsciously give away who we're drawn to in a room by where our toes are pointed. So, if you want to identify influential people, look for where people's toes are pointed.
Body language reveals hidden emotions and influences perceptions
Body language plays a significant role in how others perceive us, and making small adjustments can have a big impact. For instance, paying attention to toe direction can reveal hidden crushes, while assertive body language like taking up space and dropping shoulders can make us appear more confident and influential. Research shows that winning athletes adopt a "pride pose," which involves expanding our body to take up more space. Conversely, shrinking our body, such as hunching our shoulders and turtling our head, can make us feel and look less confident. As introverts, we can use small cues like maximizing the distance between our ears and shoulders to project confidence and assertiveness, even when we feel uncomfortable in social situations. By being aware of these body language cues and practicing them deliberately, we can change the way others perceive us and boost our own confidence.
Understanding body language's impact on feelings and perceptions
Our body language significantly impacts how we feel and how others perceive us. By understanding the evolutionary reasons behind certain gestures, we can make conscious choices to adopt more confident and open body language. For instance, keeping our ears in line with our shoulders and maintaining a good distance between our torso and arms can make us feel more safe and confident. Conversely, hunching over and crossing our arms can make us feel anxious and defensive. Similarly, checking our phones with our chin down and shoulders hunched can unintentionally put us in a defeated posture. To counteract this, we can check our phones with our chin up and arms out, claiming our space and projecting confidence. These small adjustments can help us break awkward loops and improve our overall communication and self-perception.
Body language and small gestures impact perception
The way we position our body and use small gestures can significantly impact how others perceive us and even how we feel ourselves. The use of armrests in a chair, for instance, can create a sense of space and confidence, allowing us to broaden our chest and take up more room. Swiveling chairs can help us align with the person we're speaking to, demonstrating respect and attentiveness. As for our hands, making a steeple gesture with our fingertips can convey calmness and charisma, while rubbing our hands together can signal excitement and eagerness. These seemingly small adjustments can make a big difference in how we come across to others and how we feel about ourselves. So next time you're in a meeting or having a conversation, pay attention to your body language and try incorporating these simple yet effective gestures.
The Power of Nonverbal Communication
Effective communication involves both verbal and nonverbal cues. Nonverbal cues, such as visible hands and purposeful gestures, can communicate 400% more information than words alone. Highly influential people use visible hands to claim space and show intention. They also use gestures to underline or highlight their points, making their messages more memorable and believable. Additionally, it's harder to lie with gestures than with words, making them a powerful tool for authentic communication. So, next time you want to make a strong impression, remember to use intentional gestures along with clear and confident speech.
The Power of Words: Priming Effects in the Lab and Beyond
Our words have more power than we realize. In an intriguing study, two groups were brought into a lab and told they were playing different games, but everything else was identical except for the game labels. The "Wall Street" group focused on winning individually, sharing an average of one third of their profits. In contrast, the "community" group acted more collaboratively, sharing an average of two thirds of their profits. This simple priming effect demonstrates how our behavior can be influenced by a single word. When it comes to calendar invites, consider using purposeful language to set the tone for your meetings. Instead of generic labels like "call" or "meeting," try using words like "collaborative session" or "team session" to create a more positive and productive mindset. By being more intentional with our words, we can break the autopilot of routine and prime people to feel and act in the ways we desire. Furthermore, for those who are nervous about speaking, remember that being more purposeful with your language can actually help you say less. By using clear and direct invitations, you can convey the essence of the event without needing to elaborate extensively. Additionally, studies show that our words carry significant power, so choose them wisely to maximize their impact.
Using achievement-oriented words boosts motivation, performance, and enjoyment
The use of achievement-oriented words can significantly impact performance, motivation, and enjoyment of a task. According to a study, participants who received achievement-oriented directions performed better, spent more time on the task, and enjoyed it more than those who received sterile, formal directions. This suggests that humans are motivated by cues that set us up for success and make us think and behave like winners. Moreover, using achievement-oriented language in self-talk and in interactions with others can also be beneficial. By using words like "win," "power," and "exciting," we can prime ourselves for success and make conversations more engaging and meaningful. In summary, the use of achievement-oriented words can be a simple yet effective way to boost motivation, performance, and enjoyment in various aspects of life. By intentionally incorporating these words into our self-talk and interactions with others, we can break out of autopilot and gift people motivation. Furthermore, the way we ask questions can also impact conversations. Instead of asking safe and autopilot questions like "how are you?" or "what do you do?", we can ask open-ended and exciting questions like "what's been good?" or "what's exciting in your life right now?" These questions give people permission to share what they are truly passionate about and can lead to more meaningful and engaging conversations.
Asking the right questions can improve conversations
The way we interact and the questions we ask during conversations can significantly impact the quality of the interaction. Instead of asking about negative or mundane topics, try to focus on exciting and positive ones. Introverts and ambiverts particularly dislike the question "What's your story?" as it can make them feel uncomfortable. Instead, consider asking safe questions like "What personal passion project are you working on?" or "What was the highlight of your week?" These questions can help to level up conversations and create a more positive and engaging interaction. Additionally, research shows that our performance and mood can be contagious, and being around high performers can help to improve our own performance. Conversely, being around low performers can have a negative impact. Therefore, it's important to be mindful of the people we surround ourselves with and the energy we bring to conversations.
Understanding Emotional Contagion and the Physical Environment for Meaningful Connections
Our emotions and body language can be contagious in social situations, and being aware of this can help us make more meaningful connections. For instance, research shows that when we smell fear sweat, our brain responds as if we're experiencing fear ourselves. This "fear contagion" can be seen in micro cues and chemical signals. Therefore, it's crucial to manage our emotions and energy before attending social events. Additionally, the physical environment of a social event plays a significant role in our ability to connect with others. For example, standing near the entrance or check-in table may result in short, awkward conversations, as people are not yet ready for high-quality connections. Instead, standing near the exit, where people are anchored by a drink and ready to engage, can lead to longer, more fruitful conversations. Furthermore, being in the eyeline of the host or most connected person can also be advantageous when attending an event alone. This way, they may introduce you to valuable contacts, making your experience more productive and enjoyable. In summary, being aware of emotional contagion, managing our emotions, and understanding the physical environment of social events can help us make more meaningful connections and maximize our networking opportunities.
Categorize tasks and social interactions for optimal productivity
Understanding your strengths and weaknesses, both in terms of tasks and social interactions, can significantly improve productivity and energy levels. By categorizing tasks into A, B, C, and D based on your proficiency and energy levels, you can optimize your day to focus on your strengths and delegate or avoid your weaknesses. Similarly, recognizing your social energy levels and identifying your "A people" can help build strong relationships and increase overall well-being. The goal is to spend most of your time and energy on your A work, while minimizing the time spent on D work, both in your professional and personal life.
Identify and prioritize your strengths and delegate tasks accordingly
Optimizing your strengths and delegating your weaknesses is key to avoiding burnout and maximizing productivity. It's essential to identify your A, B, C, and D work and focus on the tasks that bring the most value to you and your team. By recognizing and valuing your unique strengths, you can effectively delegate tasks that are not your forte, and collaborate with team members who complement your abilities. This approach not only helps you avoid burnout but also allows you to learn from others and potentially turn your B work into A work. Remember, giving away your best work or neglecting your personal needs can lead to burnout. So, prioritize your A work, delegate your C and D work, and surround yourself with a team that can help you excel in your unique role.
Balancing tasks and enjoying the process
Effective people understand the importance of balancing different types of tasks and enjoying the process of achieving their goals. They don't shy away from "D work" or menial tasks, but instead, they acknowledge and manage their energy levels. Highly influential individuals also prioritize enjoying the means of reaching their goals, not just the end result. When setting goals, it's essential to consider whether you'll enjoy the process as much as the outcome. By doing so, you'll be more likely to stay motivated and avoid burnout. Additionally, taking time at the end of the day for reflection and self-care is crucial for overall productivity and well-being.
The importance of having a meaningful quest in life
Having a meaningful quest or goal in life is essential for finding happiness and success. This quest can be anything from traveling the world to raising children or learning a new skill. It gives purpose to our days and actions. If you're feeling burnt out or unsatisfied, it doesn't mean you're not trying hard enough. Instead, consider saying no to things that drain your energy and focus on what truly matters to you. Remember, you're good enough and you don't have to work yourself to the point of exhaustion. Lastly, be mindful of who you're spending your time on and consider taking some of that time back for yourself. Vanessa Van Edwards encourages us to believe in ourselves and use these strategies to create an incredible life. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice.