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    180. "Your 20s are NOT your best years" ft. Dr Meg Jay

    Embrace the fact that we'll make most decisions multiple times and focus on making the best choices for yourself, one day at a time.

    enMarch 22, 2024

    About this Episode

    In this episode we are joined by clinical psychologist and author of 'The Defining Decade' to talk about all the frustrations, stressors, misconceptions and hard moments of our 20s and why it's only going to get BETTER from here. We talk about: 

    • Shifting from a 'what if' to a 'what is' or 'what else' mindset
    • Why we fear uncertainity 
    • Milestone anxiety 
    • Sliding versus deciding 
    • Catastrophic thinking 
    • Insecure and anxious attachment styles vs. insecure and anxious moments
    • And so much more 

    Listen now to hear all of Dr Meg's amazing advice and hear a bit about her new book, coming out next month. 

     

    Link to The Defining Decade: https://www.amazon.com.au/Defining-Decade-Meg-Jay/dp/0446561754 

    Pre-order Meg's new book: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/The-Twentysomething-Treatment/Meg-Jay/9781668012291 

    Follow Jemma here: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast here: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    🔑 Key Takeaways

    • Make time for health with Pronamel and Nature's Way Alive Women's Multivitamin Gummies, simplify presentations with Canva, and back black-owned businesses at Walmart.
    • The twenties are a pivotal decade marked by uncertainty and change, and individuals may face mental health challenges as they navigate this period without clear milestones or expectations.
    • Uncertainty in the twenties can lead to mental health issues, but acknowledging challenges and seeking support can help improve well-being and happiness as people age.
    • Focus on personal progress, remind yourself of average ages for milestones, and embrace the uncertainty of life's journey for greater happiness and fulfillment
    • Recognize and challenge worst-case scenarios by focusing on facts and considering alternative possibilities to reduce anxiety and increase resilience.
    • Acknowledging past experiences and recognizing patterns can help shift from fear and doubt to confidence and resilience
    • Embrace the natural experiences of anxiety, sadness, breakups, and job struggles as essential parts of personal growth and development
    • Social media can't accurately diagnose attachment styles, focus on addressing underlying causes of insecurity instead.
    • Acknowledge uncertainty, prioritize self-care, and make the best decision with available info to confidently navigate life's challenges
    • Reassess decisions regularly, ask for happiness, face decisions despite fear, learn from outcomes, inaction leads to prolonged unhappiness and more regret than calculated risks
    • Embrace the fact that we'll make most decisions multiple times and focus on making the best choices for yourself, one day at a time.
    • Start early, continue learning, and use social media to share knowledge and contribute to important conversations for a fulfilling life in your thirties, forties, and beyond.
    • Invest in dental health with Pronamel, smooth hair removal with Conair Girl Bomb, and support overall wellness with Nature's Way Alive Women's Multivitamin Gummies.

    📝 Podcast Summary

    Prioritize self-care, efficiency, and support for underrepresented communities

    Taking care of our health, whether it's our teeth with Pronamel or our overall well-being with Nature's Way Alive Women's Multivitamin Gummies, is essential. Another takeaway is the importance of making things easier and more efficient in our daily lives, such as using Canva presentations for quick and captivating slides. Lastly, supporting black-owned businesses and their founders, like those at Walmart, is a way to make a difference and create new choices. Dr. Meg Jay emphasizes the significance of the 20s as a unique developmental decade, filled with challenges and solutions. These takeaways serve as reminders to prioritize self-care, efficiency, and support for underrepresented communities.

    Navigating the Uncertainty of Your Twenties

    The twenties are a unique and crucial decade of life that has received less attention in research and conversation compared to other stages of adulthood. During this period, which is the most formative and full of change, individuals face a wide open period of uncertainty as traditional adult milestones such as finding a stable job, picking a partner, and buying a home are now more commonly achieved in the thirties. This uncertainty can lead to mental health challenges. The speaker, who has specialized in working with 20-somethings for 25 years, saw this need and dedicated her career to helping individuals navigate this important and often difficult decade more thoughtfully and productively.

    The twenties: A decade of uncertainty

    The uncertainty experienced during the twenties can be overwhelming and manifest in mental health issues due to the brain interpreting uncertainty as danger. This prolonged period of uncertainty, which includes financial instability, unstable relationships, and emotional vulnerability, can negatively impact well-being and happiness. However, it's important to remember that life does get better, and people generally become happier as they age. The myth that the twenties are the best years of one's life is just that – a myth. Instead, it's crucial to acknowledge the challenges of this decade and seek support when needed. Embrace the uncertainty and trust that life will improve over time.

    Everyone's path is unique, no one-size-fits-all approach to life milestones

    People often feel they're behind during their 20s due to comparisons with others or idealized timelines. However, the reality is that everyone's path is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to life milestones like marriage, homeownership, or career success. These milestones don't have set timelines, and people can't truly compare their lives to others. The speaker encourages individuals to focus on their own progress and remind themselves of the average age for various milestones, which can vary based on factors like education and career goals. Ultimately, the uncertainty and discomfort of not knowing can lead to catastrophizing, but embracing the in-between period and trusting the journey can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.

    Shifting from 'what if' to 'what is' or 'what else'

    Catastrophic thinking is a common response to uncertainty in our 20s, but it's important to shift from a "what if" mindset to focusing on facts or flexibility to avoid getting stuck in fears. The "what is" and "what else" concept can help us recognize and challenge our worst-case scenarios by acknowledging the present facts and considering alternative possibilities. By practicing this shift, we can reduce anxiety and increase resilience in navigating the challenges of our 20s. The speaker, who is an author and a listener of the podcast, shared her personal struggle with catastrophic thinking and how the concept of "what is or what else" helped her break free from her fears and focus on the facts of her current situation.

    Recognizing patterns and focusing on growth

    While it's natural for our brains to focus on potential negative outcomes, it's important to also acknowledge and focus on the facts of our current situation and the possibilities for growth and improvement. Our past experiences and efforts have likely contributed significantly to our successes, and as we age, we develop a more grounded sense of reality that can help us navigate challenges with greater ease. For instance, feelings of loneliness or uncertainty may recur, but recognizing this pattern can help us learn that these feelings are temporary and that we have the skills to overcome them. Overall, focusing on the facts of our situation and the possibilities for growth can help us shift from a mindset of fear and doubt to one of confidence and resilience.

    Navigating the normal struggles of your twenties

    The uncertainty and struggles experienced in your twenties, particularly regarding first jobs and relationships, are normal and essential parts of development. These experiences help build a toolkit of resilience and provide valuable data points for future challenges. Breakups, for instance, are a natural response to deep attachment and love, and while they can be painful, they demonstrate the functionality of our heart and attachment systems. Anxiety and sadness are expected responses to significant life events and should not be viewed as signs of abnormality or disorder. Embracing these experiences as a natural part of growth can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth.

    Misidentifying insecurity as an attachment style through social media

    Self-diagnosis of attachment styles through social media can lead to inaccurate understandings of oneself. While it's normal for young adults to feel insecure and anxious about relationships and social situations, this does not equate to having an insecure attachment style. An attachment style is a consistent pattern across all relationships and situations throughout one's life. Misidentifying insecurity as an attachment style can lead to unnecessary self-stigma and a belief that only a secure attachment style can lead to healthy relationships. It's essential to recognize the difference and avoid using social media as a diagnostic tool. Instead, focus on addressing the underlying causes of insecurity and uncertainty.

    Deciding on important life choices amidst uncertainty

    Making important decisions in life, such as relationships or careers, can be challenging due to uncertainty. It's easy to slide into situations because they're convenient, but it's essential to actively decide if they're truly the best choices for us. However, for large world problems where all options and consequences can't be fully modeled, it's important to acknowledge the uncertainty and make the best decision we can with the information available. Meanwhile, taking care of our physical health can also contribute to feeling our best and making confident decisions. Brands like Neutrophil and Nature's Way offer solutions for visible hair growth and multivitamins for overall wellness. Use code "psychology" for a discount on Neutrophil's subscription and free shipping, and code "Gemma10" for a discount on Nature's Way Alive Women's Multivitamin Gummies. Remember, taking care of ourselves is an essential step towards making informed decisions and living our best lives.

    Making Personal Decisions Thoughtfully and Intentional

    Making decisions, whether it's about relationships or careers, is a personal process. There's no definitive right or best choice, only the one that feels most thoughtful and intentional for you. It's important to reassess your decisions regularly and ask yourself if you're happy with the current state of things. If not, consider making a change. Delaying decisions out of fear of emotional fallout can lead to prolonged unhappiness. Remember, the time will pass regardless, so it's better to face the decision and learn from the experience than to put it off indefinitely. Additionally, inaction can lead to more regret than taking calculated risks. So, don't be afraid to make a decision and learn from the outcome.

    Making choices in your twenties

    Every decision we make, including not making a decision, carries consequences and shapes our lives. Our twenties can be a challenging time with many decisions to be made, but there's no syllabus or right answers. It's important to let go of the expectation that our twenties will be the best years of our lives or that we'll have everything figured out by 30. Instead, we should focus on making active choices throughout our lives and embrace the fact that we'll make most of these choices more than once. It's essential to remember that life's defining moments often take place by age 35, but they don't necessarily start then. Instead, they may have started much earlier, and we may not even realize it. So, let go of the pressure to have it all figured out in your twenties and focus on making the best choices for yourself, one day at a time.

    Embrace personal growth throughout your life

    Personal growth and development don't stop in your twenties. While it's important to make the most of this decade, it's also crucial to continue laying the groundwork for a fulfilling life in your thirties, forties, and beyond. Dr. Meg Jay, a psychologist and author, emphasizes the importance of starting early but also encourages people to embrace new platforms like social media to share knowledge and contribute to important conversations. Dr. Jay recently joined Instagram, Twitter, and TikTok as a way to reach more people and dispel misinformation. Her new book, "20-Something Treatment," focuses on providing accurate information and resources for young adults navigating their twenties. To follow Dr. Jay and stay updated on her work, you can find her on social media under the handle @DrMegJay. Don't miss out on her valuable insights and advice. Pre-order her new book and check out her previous work, "The Defining Decade," for more information on this topic.

    Boost Your Twenties Health with Recommended Brands

    Taking care of our health and appearance is essential, especially during our twenties when we might be neglecting certain aspects like dental care and hair removal. For dental health, Pronamel intensive enamel repair toothpaste and mouthwash can help repair acid-weakened enamel, making it the number one dentist-recommended brand for acid erosion. For hair removal, Conair Girl Bomb offers precise and powerful tools designed specifically for women, ensuring smooth results and a sense of control. Additionally, this Black History Month, Walmart is celebrating with free events featuring black-led products, allowing everyone to try, like, and share these innovations that are expanding the range of choices at Walmart. Lastly, Nature's Way Alive Women's Multivitamin Gummies are a simple and delicious way to support overall wellness, containing essential vitamins and minerals for energy conversion and healthy hair, skin, and nails. So, invest in your health and explore these brands to enhance your daily routine.

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