Logo

    189. 5 ways to stop comparing yourself to others

    Shift perspective to view hardships as growth opportunities, stay optimistic, and explore resources for inspiration and solutions.

    enApril 23, 2024

    About this Episode

    Social comparison is the thief of joy - it will make us question everything that we have, doubt our own abilities, steal our sense of gratitude and peace. It also sometimes feels impossible to escape, especially in our 20s when we look to others for confirmation that we are doing something right. In today's episode we break down the 5 rules you need to stop comparing yourself to others and embrace the benefits of healthy social comparison, this includes: 

    1. Don't unfollow, don't suppress, recognise and expand
    2. Keep your judgements realistic 
    3. Do things for YOU first
    4. Water your own grass 
    5. Comparison as a motivator 

    Listen now to learn how you can control your urge to compare yourself to others! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    🔑 Key Takeaways

    • Embrace personal wins, protect dental health, and find joy in the present moment through self-care and growth.
    • Social comparison, while beneficial in learning and assessing our place in a group, can lead to harm when excessive, causing feelings of inadequacy and self-sabotage. Be mindful of its impact and strive for a balanced perspective.
    • Focus on nurturing progress, practicing gratitude, and using comparison wisely to assess and improve aspects of our lives.
    • New hair removal products provide effective hair removal, appealing scents, and are free of dyes, parabens, and sulfates, making the process more enjoyable and efficient.
    • Acknowledge the need to compare, expand on it, and learn to manage emotions in a healthy way to reduce negative effects and use comparison as a source of motivation and growth.
    • Social media can skew our perception of reality, leading to unrealistic judgments and negative emotions. It's important to add nuance to our judgments and remember that what we see online is often curated, not the full reality.
    • Focus on doing things for yourself first, trusting your instincts and desires, and letting go of fear of judgment to embrace authenticity and live authentically
    • Instead of comparing ourselves to others and feeling inferior, focus on personal growth and happiness to reduce the power of comparison.
    • Social comparison can lead to feelings of inadequacy and envy (downward comparison), but it can also inspire and motivate us to learn and improve (upward comparison). Focusing on admiration and learning from those we admire can lead to increased productivity and focus.
    • Instead of feeling discouraged by others' successes, use them as motivation to reach your own goals. Recognize and celebrate your own achievements, and remember that everyone struggles with self-comparison.
    • Shift perspective to view hardships as growth opportunities, stay optimistic, and explore resources for inspiration and solutions.

    📝 Podcast Summary

    Focus on personal growth and self-care, not constant comparison

    Constant self-comparison can steal joy from our lives. During the podcast discussion, Katie Kirk highlighted the importance of focusing on personal growth and acknowledging our own wins, rather than constantly measuring ourselves against others. Nature's Way Alive Women's Multivitamin Gummies were introduced as a simple and effective way to support overall health and wellbeing, while Pronamel Intensive Enamel Repair was emphasized for dental health. The podcasts "Next Question with Katie Curic" and "The Bright Side" were introduced as sources of positivity and inspiration, offering weekly doses of fascinating conversations and trend discussions. The importance of protecting our teeth and mental wellbeing was emphasized, with Pronamel being the number one dentist-recommended brand for acid erosion. Overall, the discussion encouraged listeners to focus on personal growth, self-care, and finding joy in the present moment, rather than constantly comparing themselves to others.

    Understanding the Impact of Social Comparison

    Social comparison, although a natural human tendency with potential benefits like learning from others and assessing our place in a group, can also lead to harm when it becomes excessive and perpetuates feelings of inadequacy and self-sabotage. This phenomenon, first introduced by social psychologist Leon Festinger in the 1950s, served a survival advantage in our evolutionary past by providing valuable information and helping us conform to social norms. However, in today's world, constant comparison to others through social media and other means can lead to joy being stolen from our lives, particularly in our 20s when identity and future uncertainty are prevalent. While it can provide validation and reassurance, it can also cause significant distress and hinder personal growth. It's essential to be mindful of the impact of social comparison and strive for a balanced perspective.

    Using social comparison for growth

    While social comparison can lead to feelings of jealousy, competition, and dissatisfaction, it can also be a useful tool for self-reflection and growth. The abundance of opportunities for comparison in modern society, from larger communities to social media, can make it difficult to avoid. However, focusing on nurturing our own progress and practicing gratitude can help us break free from the negative aspects of social comparison. Additionally, using social comparison wisely to assess our lives and identify areas for improvement can be beneficial. It's essential to remember that the "grass is greener when you water it," and investing time and energy into our own growth is the best way to thrive. Nature's Way Alive Women's Multivitamin Gummies can support our overall well-being, allowing us to feel our best selves and focus on our personal growth.

    New hair removal products offer pleasant experiences

    The hair removal market is evolving, with new and improved formulas that not only effectively remove unwanted hair but also provide a pleasant experience through appealing scents. These new hair removal products, which are free of dyes, parabens, and sulfates, offer a hassle-free alternative to shaving and provide a boost of optimism to daily routines. The shared experience of using these products with friends during a dinner gathering resulted in a positive and enjoyable experience for all involved. This is a game-changer in the hair removal industry, making the process more enjoyable and efficient. Listen to podcasts like "The Bright Side" and "A Bit of Optimism" to find more inspiration and optimism in everyday life.

    Give yourself permission to compare yourself to others

    To reduce the negative effects of social comparison, you need to give yourself permission to compare yourself to others instead of avoiding it. Contrary to what might seem intuitive, unfollowing or suppressing the comparison can give the comparison more power over you. Instead, acknowledge your need to compare and expand on your comparison by acknowledging that others' successes do not diminish your own. Recognize that it's natural to feel uncomfortable or insecure when comparing yourself to others, but instead of avoiding the comparison, let yourself experience it and learn how to manage your emotions in a healthy way. By engaging with your feelings and expanding on your comparison, you can gain a better understanding of yourself and your goals, and ultimately, use social comparison as a source of motivation and growth.

    Comparing ourselves to others online can be misleading

    Comparing ourselves to others, especially through social media, can lead to unrealistic judgments and feelings of inadequacy. Our initial thoughts and jealousy towards others are not the full picture. Instead, we should add nuance to our judgments and recognize that what we see online is often curated and not the full reality. Social media's information overload and performative nature can skew our perception of what is normal. Therefore, it's essential to keep our judgments realistic and remember that what we see online is not the complete truth. Embracing this perspective can help us avoid negative emotions and promote self-acceptance.

    Break free from social comparison

    To break free from the trap of social comparison, focus on doing things for yourself first. This means not worrying about what others think or how they might be judging you, and instead trusting your own instincts and desires. The time and energy spent on social comparison can be a major distraction, keeping us from making decisions and living authentically. Instead, embrace your uniqueness and let go of the fear of judgment. Remember that people's opinions are their own problem, not yours. Building the muscle of authenticity takes practice, but it's worth it for the freedom and confidence it brings. So go ahead and wear that outfit, post that photo, or make that decision that feels true to you, without second-guessing or seeking validation from others.

    Focus on nurturing yourself instead of comparing

    Instead of getting caught up in the comparison spiral and focusing on others' lives, we should focus on watering our own grass and nurturing ourselves. Comparison can be a motivator, but it's important to use it in a healthy way that doesn't involve tearing others down or making ourselves feel inferior. By focusing on our own happiness and personal growth, we can reduce the urge to compare and feel empowered to create the life we want for ourselves. Upward social comparison, where we compare ourselves to those perceived as more successful or fortunate, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment. Instead, we should use comparison as a way to inspire and motivate ourselves to improve, rather than as a means to tear ourselves down. By shifting our focus to what we can control and what makes us happy, we can reduce the power that comparison has over us and live more fulfilling lives.

    Comparing ourselves to others: motivation or discouragement?

    Social comparison can have both negative and positive effects on our lives. Comparing ourselves to those who seem to have more than us, often referred to as downward social comparison, can lead to feelings of inadequacy and envy, but it can also serve as motivation if we use it to learn and improve ourselves. Upward social comparison, comparing ourselves to those who we perceive as more successful or superior, can inspire us and provide a vision for our future selves. Studies have shown that focusing on admiration and learning from those we admire can lead to increased productivity and focus. Even in the context of serious mental health conditions like eating disorders, upward social comparison can drive self-improvement. However, it's important to proceed with caution and use social comparison in a healthy way. Instead of feeling bitter or discouraged, we can use it as a catalyst for growth and inspiration. I've personally experienced this when I started getting back into running and saw others who were more advanced than me. Instead of feeling discouraged, I used their achievements as motivation to learn and improve myself. Social comparison can be a powerful tool if used wisely.

    Viewing others' accomplishments as targets for inspiration

    Instead of feeling discouraged or inferior when comparing ourselves to others, we should view their accomplishments as targets to inspire and motivate us towards our own goals. It's natural to have moments of self-doubt and insecurity, but it's important to counteract negative thoughts by recognizing and celebrating our own achievements. Additionally, it's essential to remember that everyone struggles with self-comparison and that no one has a perfect life or unwavering confidence. Instead of using social comparison as a form of self-sabotage, we should learn to use it as a tool for empathy, connection, and inspiration. Lastly, remember that you are a unique and valuable individual, and your worth is not determined by someone else's achievements or attributes. Embrace your strengths and accomplishments, and don't let comparison rob you of your joy and confidence.

    Choosing to see challenges as opportunities

    Our perspective plays a significant role in how we experience challenges or hardships. Instead of viewing them as curses, we can choose to see them as opportunities for growth and connection with others. This mindset shift can lead to a greater sense of purpose and inspiration. Additionally, there are plenty of resources and solutions available to help us navigate through difficult times. So, whether you're listening to podcasts for inspiration or embarking on a personal journey to uncover family secrets, remember that there's always a reason to stay optimistic and keep exploring. From fascinating conversations with notable figures to daily doses of positivity, there's a wealth of content out there waiting to brighten up your day.

    Recent Episodes from The Psychology of your 20s

    195. The psychology of codependency

    195. The psychology of codependency

    How can you tell if you're codependent or just really close to someone? If you are enmeshed or just reliant on their support? Feeling happy and stable in a loving relationship, or losing your independence? There are a lot of misconceptions and misunderstandings when it come to codependent relationships, especially in our 20s and in today's episode we break down all you need to know and more, including: 

    • The roots of codependency in childhood and attachment theory
    • Signs of codependency 
    • Codependency v. dependency 
    • How to heal your need for intensity and trauma bonding 
    • Healing and restoring a codependent bond 

    Listen now! Today's episode is a rerun of Episode 69 whilst Jemma is recovering from a sudden illness. New episodes will be back on Friday, happy listening. 

     

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    194. Are our attention spans getting shorter?

    194. Are our attention spans getting shorter?

    So many of us are struggling to stay focused and concentrate in an environment of constant distraction and temptation and it's causing a lot of us to feel unproductive and undisciplined. In today's episode we break down why our attention spans seem to be rapidly declining, we discuss: 

    • The Gold Fish myth
    • The average attention span from 2004-2017 
    • The impact of short form content
    • The impact of COVID lockdowns
    • Overstimulation and rising ADHD diagnoses 
    • Attentional cycles and our circadian rhythm 
    • Tips for regaining your focus + social media rules 

    Listen now to reclaim your focus and concentration and reverse your declining attention span. 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    193. The truth about avoidant attachment ft. Thais Gibson

    193. The truth about avoidant attachment ft. Thais Gibson

    Attachment theory is often misunderstood but when we have the correct knowledge and information it can transform how we relate to others. In today's episode we break down one of these styles, the avoidant attachment, along with it's two components: avoidant dismissive and avoidant fearful. We discuss how this style develops, its expression, the difference in prevalence and behaviours between men and women and how we can move forward and heal an avoidant pattern. 

    We are joined in today's episode by Thais Gibson, the founder of The Personal Development School and expert in attachment theory. Unlock your free trial using this link: www.personaldevelopmentschool.com/freetrial 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

    Follow Thais and The Personal Development School on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thepersonaldevelopmentschool/?hl=en 

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    192. Feeling behind in your 20s

    192. Feeling behind in your 20s

    We have a lot of opportunities to feel behind in our 20s, especially when it comes to our careers, our finances and our relationships. In todays episode we break down why so many of us (roughly 80% of 20 something year olds) feeling like we're falling short of expectations, as well as how we can manage these feelings and enjoy our path through life without comparing it to someone others. We discuss:

    • The competitiveness of this generation
    • The wunderkind phenomena 
    • Career anxiety and starting over 
    • Relationship and dating inexperience 
    • The pandemic skip 
    • How to feel more sure of your own path and progress 

    AND, we hear from you, the listeners, about your experiences. Listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    191. My favourite psychology studies of ALL TIME

    191. My favourite psychology studies of ALL TIME

    We have found some pretty amazing ways to observe human behaviour and from it, discovered some especially interesting things about how we operate, who we are at our core, our irrational beliefs and so much more. In today's episode, we break down five of my favourite psychology studies of all time from jam, to mental escapism and binge watching TV, how many friends we actually need, the healing power of nature and the origins of imposter syndrome. Listen now! 

    Study One: The Stanford Jam Experiment

    https://faculty.washington.edu/jdb/345/345%20Articles/Iyengar%20%26%20Lepper%20(2000).pdf

    Study Two: In your 20s it's quantity, in your 30s its quality 

    https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-10764-001 

    Study Three: Loneliness, Escapism, and Identification With Media Characters 

    https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychology/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.785970/full 

    Study Four: The Imposter Phenomenon in High Achieving Women

    https://www.paulineroseclance.com/pdf/ip_high_achieving_women.pdf 

    Study Five: Effects of Coastal Environment on Well-being 

    https://www.walshmedicalmedia.com/open-access/effects-of-the-coastal-environment-on-wellbeing-jczm-1000421.pdf 

     

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

    Business enquiries: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    190. Fall in love with your own company!

    190. Fall in love with your own company!

    Finding the joy in your own company is one of the most healing, rewarding and fulfilling things we can do. It's also really difficult in an age of FOMO, constant distraction, stimulation and fear of boredom or loneliness. In today's episode we break down exactly why you need to fall back in love with your alone time, the amazing benefits and HOW to do it. Listen now! 

    Follow us on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    189. 5 ways to stop comparing yourself to others

    189. 5 ways to stop comparing yourself to others

    Social comparison is the thief of joy - it will make us question everything that we have, doubt our own abilities, steal our sense of gratitude and peace. It also sometimes feels impossible to escape, especially in our 20s when we look to others for confirmation that we are doing something right. In today's episode we break down the 5 rules you need to stop comparing yourself to others and embrace the benefits of healthy social comparison, this includes: 

    1. Don't unfollow, don't suppress, recognise and expand
    2. Keep your judgements realistic 
    3. Do things for YOU first
    4. Water your own grass 
    5. Comparison as a motivator 

    Listen now to learn how you can control your urge to compare yourself to others! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    188. Why are we so indecisive?

    188. Why are we so indecisive?

    Our inability to make decisions is wasting our time, keeping us acting from a place of fear and stuck in a life we don't want! It's also not entirely our fault and often stems from unconscious mechanisms, neuroticism and fears that we haven't recognised. In today's episode we break down: 

    • Why you struggle to make decisions
    • The consequences of our chronic indecisiveness 
    • Perfection and indecision 
    • Choice overload 
    • A fear of failure 
    • How to overcome your indecisiveness using the 80/20 rule
    • The 'trusted advisor' method 

    Listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    187. Falling for a friend and the friendzone

    187.  Falling for a friend and the friendzone

    About 2/3rds of couples start off as friends according to recent research. But developing feelings for a friend isn't always a happily ever after situation. In today's episode we break down why it is that we fall in love with our friends, the principles of attraction such as the similarity liking effect and mere exposure effect, whether to say anything or keep it to yourself, managing the pain of rejection or social loss and your best tips for protecting the friendship and your own heart. Listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    186. The psychology of sleep

    186. The psychology of sleep

    Sleep is one of our most vital functions but how many of us actually know that much about it, the links to our physical functioning, mental health, relationships and overall wellbeing. What about some of the strange experiments they've conducted to investigate dreams or how long we can go without sleep? In today's episode we take a deep dive into the psychology of sleep, including: 

    • Why we need sleep?
    • What actually is REM sleep?
    • The Russian Sleep Experiment 
    • Sleep debt 
    • Sleep as a form of self sabotage
    • Revenge bedtime procrastination 
    • The impact of blue light and screens in the bedroom 
    • How to improve your sleep hygiene and more 

    Listen now for when you want to maximise your shut eye! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

    For business enquiries: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.