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    Why You Keep Repeating Painful Patterns | Radhule Weininger

    Pointing out instructions help expand awareness beyond moment-to-moment experience, leading to a pantheistic, all-encompassing consciousness. Practice using passive voice and 'known by what?' during meditation to recognize this wider awareness.

    enJuly 25, 2022

    About this Episode

    We all have long-standing painful patterns of behavior or inner storylines that can cause us to react disproportionately or inappropriately to everyday events.  


    Today's guest, Dr. Radhule Weininger, has a term for this. She calls them longstanding recurrent painful patterns or LRPPs. 


    Weininger is a clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, and teacher of Buddhist meditation and Buddhist psychology. She has a new book, Heart Medicine: How to Stop Painful Patterns and Find Peace and Freedom—at Last 


    In this episode we talk about:


    • How to recognize a problematic pattern or when you’ve been “lrpp-ed”
    • Why Dr. Weininger believes that Buddhism and western psychology, when practiced together, can help us deal with these recurring patterns
    • Unpacking the word trauma
    • The psychological term “mismatch” and how it relates to childhood trauma or hurt
    • How to practice meditation in order to tolerate discomfort



    Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/radhule-weininger-478

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    🔑 Key Takeaways

    • Recognizing and addressing recurring painful patterns through a combination of Buddhism and Western psychology is vital for personal growth and peace.
    • Understanding past experiences and their impact on current reactions through mindfulness and psychological analysis can lead to compassionate self-awareness and effective coping strategies
    • Trauma and Lurbs stem from childhood experiences and require a holistic approach to personal growth, incorporating both talking about past experiences and practicing mindfulness.
    • Recognize childhood patterns, acknowledge emotions without self-pity, and understand their impact on emotional resilience for personal growth
    • Recognizing past traumas or lack of safety as sources of increased vulnerability and decreased resilience can help manage emotions through mindfulness, noticing generalizations, and exploring body sensations.
    • Recognizing past experiences and patterns leads to mindfulness, compassion, and quicker recovery from negative emotions. Practice mindfulness by being aware of thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, and understand the interconnectedness of human experiences for compassion.
    • Discovering Quince for wardrobe upgrades and GEDIFY Shoes for pain relief, podcasts can bring unexpected benefits through partnerships with advertisers. Self-care and compassion are essential for personal growth, and deeper meditation practices can tap into a boundless compassion that prevents burnout and enhances life.
    • Meditation practices from both Theravada and Tibetan traditions can improve mental health, increase resilience, and foster compassion and love. Incorporating these practices daily can lead to positive behaviors and shape our destiny.
    • Inner longings guide us towards our true intentions and help us live more authentic, fulfilling lives. Practice meditation, introspection, and seek guidance to connect with them.
    • Embrace the gap between current situation and goals as an opportunity for growth, focus on heart's true intention, and practice forgiveness to find new possibilities and greater happiness
    • Forgiveness is a process that benefits both parties, it's important to give ourselves time and expand our perspective to find peace.
    • Pointing out instructions help expand awareness beyond moment-to-moment experience, leading to a pantheistic, all-encompassing consciousness. Practice using passive voice and 'known by what?' during meditation to recognize this wider awareness.
    • Practicing mindfulness and serving others can help us break free from painful patterns, find peace, and experience happiness. Inspiring examples include a homeless man who found meaning in helping the dying homeless.
    • The Big Flop podcast discusses notable pop culture flops, like 'The Swan,' and invites listeners to ponder the thought process behind their creation

    📝 Podcast Summary

    Exploring Long-term Patterns of Pain and Healing with Buddhism and Psychology

    Recognizing and addressing long-standing, recurring painful patterns, or LURPS, is essential for personal growth and finding peace. Dr. Radley Wanninger, a clinical psychologist and Buddhist meditation teacher, discussed this concept in her new book, "Heart Medicine." She believes that combining Buddhism and Western psychology can help individuals deal with these patterns. Another crucial topic touched upon was the concept of trauma and how it relates to childhood hurt. Dr. Wanninger emphasized the importance of meditation in tolerating discomfort and unpacking the psychological term "mismatch." Meanwhile, the episode also featured sponsor mentions for Wondery+, Whole Foods Market, Audible, and DoorDash. Whole Foods Market was highlighted for its high-quality Easter brunch offerings, Audible for its extensive selection of audio books and 30-day free trial, and DoorDash for its convenience in delivering Easter shopping right to your door. Lastly, listeners were encouraged to join Wondery+ to access early episodes of "10% Happier" and other podcasts, and Audible members were invited to try the service for free and keep one title a month.

    Patterns from the Past Influence Our Present

    Our past experiences leave deep-rooted patterns, or "lerps," that can influence our reactions in the present. These patterns, which can be painful and recurrent, may stem from childhood or even earlier in our lives, according to Buddhist beliefs. While mindfulness and present-moment awareness can help us deal with these triggers, acknowledging their historical origins can provide a greater sense of understanding and compassion for ourselves. The integration of mindfulness practices and psychological analysis can offer a more holistic approach to addressing these patterns.

    Understanding Trauma and Lurbs: A Holistic Approach

    According to the speaker, both psychodynamic approaches and mindfulness practices are essential for personal growth. Lurbs, or habitual patterns of behavior, often stem from childhood experiences and can be considered a form of deep hurt or trauma. The speaker emphasizes that the understanding of trauma has evolved and it's important to differentiate between minor hurts and major traumas. The speaker also acknowledges that the term "trauma" might be overused and suggests using "deep hurt" as an alternative. Overall, the speaker advocates for a holistic approach to mental health that incorporates both talking about past experiences and practicing mindfulness to understand and work through patterns and strong feelings.

    Childhood experiences shape emotional development

    Childhood experiences, no matter how seemingly normal or chaotic, can significantly impact our emotional development and shape our reactions to situations later in life. This concept was illustrated through a personal story about the speaker's own experiences with emotional guarding, stemming from a harsh environment in junior high school after growing up in a warm, encouraging household. The speaker also emphasized the importance of recognizing these patterns and emotions in our bodies and acknowledging them without self-pity, as the first step towards personal growth and freedom. Overall, the discussion highlighted the complex relationship between childhood experiences and emotional resilience, and the importance of understanding and addressing these patterns to lead a more fulfilling life.

    Understanding the origins of emotions

    Our emotions and moods can be indicators of past traumas or lack of safety, leading to increased vulnerability and decreased resilience. Recognizing these patterns and their origins can help us better understand and manage our emotions. Techniques such as mindfulness, noticing generalizations, and exploring the body for physical sensations linked to past experiences can be helpful in this process. By acknowledging and sitting with our feelings, rather than distracting ourselves, we can find a sense of calm and reduce rumination. It's not always an easy process, but it can lead to greater self-awareness and emotional well-being.

    Understanding past experiences and patterns for mindfulness and compassion

    Recognizing and understanding our past experiences and patterns can help us become more mindful and compassionate towards ourselves and others. This understanding can help us move past negative emotions and reactions more quickly. The practice of mindfulness involves being aware of our thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, and recognizing that everything is impermanent. Compassion for ourselves and others arises from recognizing the human condition and the interconnectedness of our experiences. Additionally, the difference between longing and intention is important to understand, and making space for questions and answers to emerge through meditation can lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth.

    Unexpected perks of having a podcast: Free merchandise from great advertisers

    Having your own podcast can bring unexpected perks, like receiving free merchandise from great advertisers. The Quince website offers high-quality, timeless essentials at unbeatable prices, making for an excellent wardrobe upgrade. Another discovery is GEDIFY Shoes, designed to alleviate knee and back pain with custom orthotics, patented technology, and a posture-improving structure. Self-compassion and compassion for others are essential for personal growth. Traditional mindfulness practices, such as wishing oneself well, can be effective but come from the prefrontal cortex. Delving deeper into meditation, as in the Tibetan-informed practices, allows us to rest in a wider field of awareness and tap into compassion that is already present. This boundless compassion can prevent burnout and lead to a more fulfilling life. The speaker's personal experiences with Quince and GEDIFY Shoes highlight the benefits of self-care and compassionate living. By prioritizing these practices, we can improve our overall well-being and make a positive impact on those around us.

    Exploring the emotional side of meditation

    Meditation practices, whether from the Theravada or Tibetan traditions, can lead to experiences of well-being, compassion, and love. These practices are not just cognitive or ego-based, but also deeply emotional. The Theravada approach involves envisioning positive qualities and repeating phrases, while the Tibetan approach involves getting deep into meditation to discover the compassion and love already within us. Both approaches have their merits, and the latter is now becoming more accessible to those without long retreats or specialized resources. By incorporating these practices into our daily lives, we can improve our mental health, increase our resilience, and be more compassionate and effective in our personal and professional lives. The goal is to create clear intentions and dedicated motivations through meditation, which can lead to positive behaviors, habits, and ultimately, shape our destiny.

    Exploring the power of inner longings

    Our inner longings hold significant importance in determining our intentions and guiding our path in life. Longing, a deep yearning from the heart, can help us identify our true north and set meaningful intentions. By giving space to our longings and allowing them to emerge, we can discover what truly matters to us and move towards it with intention and purpose. This process can be facilitated through practices such as meditation, introspection, and seeking guidance from traditions like the labyrinth or the Dalai Lama's concept of heart's intention. Ultimately, by connecting with our inner longings, we can live more authentic, fulfilling lives.

    Reframe the gap as creative tension

    Instead of viewing the gap between our current situation and our goals as a tragic or insurmountable obstacle, we should reframe it as a creative tension. By holding both perspectives and using mindfulness skills, we can allow new possibilities to emerge. Another suggestion is to identify our heart's true intention, which aligns with our values, and focus on that as our guiding force. Forgiveness, a challenging step for many, is not about absolving others but rather about releasing the burden of resentment within ourselves. These insights can help us navigate life's challenges and move towards greater happiness and fulfillment.

    Holding grudges can harm us, forgiveness benefits us

    Holding grudges and refusing to forgive can be harmful to our own well-being. Forgiveness is not just for the benefit of the person who has wronged us, but also for ourselves. It's important to remember that the person who hurt us may have moved on, while we are left carrying the burden of resentment. Forgiveness is not an easy process, and it can't be rushed. Instead, we can hold the intention to forgive and give ourselves time. When we hit a wall in our efforts to forgive, we can open ourselves up to the mystery and surrender to the greater context of life. By expanding our perspective and tapping into a deeper sense of awareness, we may find that a door to forgiveness opens up. As Jack Kornfield said, if we add a spoonful of salt to a glass of water, it becomes salty. But if we add it to a lake, it disappears. By expanding our container of consciousness, we can dissolve the anger and find peace.

    Exploring wider awareness through pointing out instructions

    There are different meditation practices that can help expand our awareness beyond the moment-to-moment experience. Pointing out instructions, derived from the Sokchan Mahamudwar tradition, are one such practice. These instructions help us develop a wider awareness that is already present and suffuses everything around us. This experience can be described as a pantheistic, all-encompassing consciousness. It might seem grandiose or hard to grasp, but it can be experienced and is not as difficult as it may seem. Several teachers, including Mingyu, Sogney Wimpoche, Dan Brown's students, and the speaker herself, offer accessible ways to learn and practice this wider awareness. One specific practice suggested by the speaker is using the passive voice and asking "known by what?" during meditation to help recognize the wider consciousness that is aware of our experiences.

    Finding peace and happiness through mindfulness and serving others

    Practicing mindfulness and embracing the emptiness of self can help us break free from our painful patterns and become less self-preoccupied. By focusing on awareness and serving others, we can find peace and happiness. Jimmy, a homeless man mentioned in Dr. Weininger's book, is an inspiring example of this. He found meaning and purpose in helping the dying homeless, which helped him overcome his own struggles. This practice not only benefits others but also brings more oxygen into our system and helps us avoid becoming congested and stuck. Dr. Weininger's book, "Heart Medicine," offers further insights and resources for practicing these principles. In these challenging times, making mindfulness practices accessible and easy, like the free morning meditation offered by Mindful Heart Programs, can be especially beneficial. If you have questions about anxiety, please send a voice memo to [listener@10%dotcom](mailto:listener@10%,%20all%20one%20word%20spelled%20out%20dot%20com) for a chance to have them answered on a special anxiety episode.

    Exploring the intriguing question of who thought certain pop culture failures were good ideas

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