Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris

Loch Kelly is an author, psychotherapist, and nondual meditation teacher. Loch has Master’s Degrees from both Columbia University and Union Theological Seminary. He has his own app, called Mindful Glimpses. Loch is also a very popular teacher on the Waking Up app, run by friend of show, Sam Harris.

Free 30 days of the Waking Up meditation app: https://www.wakingup.com/tenpercent 

Free training and guided meditation pack from Loch Kelly: https://lochkelly.org/cycle-of-dissatisfaction 

Related Episodes:

Sam Harris on: Vipassana vs. Dzogchen, Looking for the Looker, and Psychic Powers

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Full Shownotes: https://wwwdww.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/loch-kelly

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A neuroscientist’s strategies to help you remember what really matters, and how mood, multitasking and other people can impact our memories

Charan Ranganath is a professor at the Center for Neuroscience and Department of Psychology and director of the Dynamic Memory Lab at the University of California at Davis.  He is the author of the New York Times bestselling book Why We Remember: Unlocking Memory’s Power to Hold on to What Matters. 

In this episode we talk about:

• The different kinds of memory that help us function day to day
• The impact mood has on memories - not just making them, but recalling them
• Why forgetting is not only useful but essential - even if it doesn’t always feel like it
• Practical tips to help us remember better, including distinctiveness, meaning & organization, planting cues, and chunking
• Why making errors is actually one of the best things you can do for learning and memory 

Related Episodes:

How To Prevent Dementia | Lisa Genova — Ten Percent Happier

How to Actually Be Present | Matthew Brensilver — Ten Percent Happier  

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/charan-ranganath/

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Strengthen your ability to know the difference between fact and fiction by using sound to harness a foundational anxiety-taming skill.

About Leslie Booker:

Booker brings her heart and wisdom to the intersection of Dharma, Embodied Wisdom, and Liberation. Using this framework, she supports folks in creating a culture of belonging through her teaching and writing on changing the paradigm of self and community care. She shares her offering widely as a university lecturer, public speaker, and Buddhist philosophy and meditation teacher. She currently lives in Philadelphia with her partner and pup and is the Co-Guiding Teacher of New York Insight.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Return to Reality.”

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Reverend Benjamin Perry, is the author of Cry, Baby: Why Our Tears Matter. He’s the editorial director at Garrett Seminary, Consulting Minister for Public Theology at Middle Church, and editor of the Queer Faith photojournalism series. He has a masters in divinity from Union Theological Seminary. 

In this episode we talk about:

• Why Doty got interested in this subject, and the rather extraordinary exercise he put himself through
• The gender differences on this issue
• How vulnerability can be misused or weaponized
• The issue of interpersonal relationships when it comes to tears (Bianca and Dan delve into this in regards to their relationship)
• How we replay childhood patterns in grownup relationships
• The deep connection between crying and shame
• The messages we share with our children about crying
• How we can reconnect to the emotional parts of ourselves

Related Episodes:

• #361 Why Men Armor Up | Daniel Ellenberg
• #441. A Thing Most Men Won't Talk About
• Vulnerability: The Key to Courage | Brene Brown
• The Science Of Speaking Up For Yourself | Elaine Lin Hering (Co-interviewed by Dan's wife Bianca!)

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/benjamin-perry

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Learning how to thrive with enough.

Michael Easter is the New York Times bestselling author of Scarcity Brain and The Comfort Crisis. He travels the world to uncover practical ideas that help people live healthier, happier, and more remarkable lives. His ideas have been adopted by institutions ranging from the military to professional sports teams to Fortune 500 companies. He also shares his ideas on his popular newsletter, 2% with Michael Easter. 

In this episode we talk about:

• The evolutionary roots of overconsumption
• The challenges of having an ancient brains in a modern world
• The Scarcity mindset vs. the abundance mindset
• Understanding what Michael calls the “scarcity loop” – and how to apply it to daily life
• Tactical ways to work with habits and cravings 
• Understanding the scarcity loop, how it hooks us, and then how you can unhook using that same loop
• And How’s Michael’s life changed after researching this book
• Toward the end, we talk about Michael’s previous book, the comfort crisis—and some Practical steps for embracing discomfort

Related Episodes:

• The Anti-Diet | Evelyn Tribole
• Abby Wambach On: Grief, Addiction, And Moving From External To Internal Validation
• Glennon Doyle is Rethinking Her Relationship to Social Media, Hustle Culture, Intuition, Her Body, and Her Parents

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/michael-easter

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Learn to connect with the true home of strength, wisdom, and clarity inside of yourself, a place of safety that no one can take away.

About Kaira Jewel Lingo:

At the age of twenty-five, Kaira Jewel Lingo entered a Buddhist monastery in the Plum Village tradition and spent fifteen years living as a nun under the guidance of Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. Now based in New York, she sees her work as a continuation of Engaged Buddhism as well as the work of her parents, inspired by their stories and her dad’s work with Martin Luther King Jr. on desegregating the South. The author of We Were Made for These Times: Ten Lessons on Moving through Change, Loss and Disruption, Kaira Jewel especially feels called to share mindfulness and meditation with Black, Indigenous, and People of Color, as well as activists, educators, youth, artists, and families.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Deeply Accepting Yourself.”

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On hitting Rock Bottom, de-armoring, and worthiness.

Jada Pinkett Smith is a multifaceted artist whose career spans over 30 years. Raised in Baltimore, she studied dance and theater at the Baltimore School for the Arts before moving to Los Angeles to pursue acting. Her breakthrough came in with the NBC series A Different World, followed by her first feature film, Menace II Society. From there, Pinkett Smith became a global star, appearing in numerous films like The Nutty Professor, Set It Off, The Matrix franchise and the comedic hit Girls Trip.

In addition to her acting work, Pinkett Smith has also executive produced projects such as Karate Kid, Free Angela and All Political Prisoners, The Queen Latifah Show, Red Table Talk, Red Table Talk: The Estefans, as well as Queen Cleopatra and Queen Njinga for Netflix. She expanded her skills further as the host of the Emmy award-winning talk show, Red Table Talk, where she engages in multigenerational discussions about social and cultural issues with her daughter, Willow Smith, and mother, Adrienne Banfield-Norris. She is now heading out on a worldwide book tour to promote her memoir, Worthy (a NYT Bestseller).

Related Episodes:

Non-Negotiables Playlist

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/jada

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The Queen of Drag discusses his new memoir, The House of Hidden Meanings, and makes Dan play an R-rated game.

RuPaul Charles became famous in 1993 with the song “Supermodel.” Since then, he’s put out 18 albums, he’s been in more than 50 films and TV shows, including his global hit, “RuPaul’s Drag Race.” He’s put out four books, including his latest, the number one New York Times best seller The House of Hidden Meanings. He’s won fourteen Primetime Emmy Awards, and he won a Tony in 2022 for producing the Broadway show A Strange Loop. 

In this episode we talk about:

• His daily spiritual practices
• Talking to his inner child
• The challenging family he grew up in
• His incredible business idea for a daytime disco for the over-40 set
• His definition of wealth, and why he says he’s always been rich, even when he had no money
• And he ropes Dan into a game of Dirty Charades – which gets a little spicy, so heads-up if you’re listening with kids around or have sensitive ears

Other resources mentioned: 

• RuPaul’s Allstora book shop and book club
• Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Dr. Susan Forward with Craig Buck

Related Episodes:

A Star, Utterly Unguarded | Brett Eldredge

How to Deal With Emotionally Immature People (Including Maybe Your Own Parents) | Lindsay C. Gibson

There’s No Part Of Your Life You Can’t Make More Awesome | Jeff Warren

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/rupaul-2024

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Plus her definition of the oft-dismissed yet game-changing notion of self-love.

We caught up with Abby Wambach at a really interesting time. She’s experiencing grief, for reasons we’ll let her explain. And for the first time in her life, she’s grieving while sober—which, in itself, is an interesting story, which she will also tell.

As you know, we only talk to famous people on this show if they’re willing to really go deep. And it’s why we call this recurring series Boldface. And Abby is bolder than most.

We also talk about: moving from external to internal validation, her definition of self-love (a concept in which Dan have a lot of interest, because it’s both cheesy and life-changing), the one question that changed her life, how every experience can turn into something positive, and on a related note, why getting arrested for drunk driving was one of the best things that ever happened to her.

Abby Wambach is a two-time Olympic gold medalist, FIFA World Cup Champion, and six-time winner of the U.S. Soccer Athlete of the Year award. She is the author of the #1 New York Times bestseller Wolfpack. And, together with her wife Glennon Doyle and sister Amanda Doyle, co-hosts the award-winning, critically acclaimed We Can Do Hard Things podcast. 

Related Episodes:

• Doing "The Work," Byron Katie
• Glennon Doyle is Rethinking Her Relationship to Social Media, Hustle Culture, Intuition, Her Body, and Her Parents

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When the world feels like a dumpster fire, it helps to remember that your contributions to improve things matter—even the small ones.

About Matthew Hepburn:

Matthew is a meditation and dharma teacher with more than a decade of teaching experience and a passion for getting real about what it means to live well. He emphasizes humor, technique, and authentic kindness as a means to free the mind up from unnecessary struggle and leave a healthier impact on the world. Beyond Ten Percent Happier, Matthew has taught in prisons, schools, corporate events and continues to teach across North America in Buddhist centers offering intensive silent retreats and dharma for urban daily life. 

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Celebrate Small Wins.”

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Emotionally immature people can wreck your life. One of our most popular guests returns to teach you how to make sure they don't.

Description: 

Our relationships are the most important variable in our health and happiness, but they may also be the most difficult. This is especially true when those closest to us turn out to be emotionally immature people.

Lindsay C. Gibson is a clinical psychologist and bestselling author who specializes in helping people identify and deal with emotionally immature people, or EIP’s. Her first appearance on our show was one of our most popular episodes of 2022. Now she’s back to offer concrete strategies for handling the EIP’s in your life, wherever you may find them. Her new book is called Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People.

In this episode we talk about:

• A primer on the cardinal characteristics of emotionally immature people (EIP’s), how to spot them, and why you might want to
• What Lindsay means by “disentangling” from EIP’s, and how to do it
• What often happens to your own sense of self when you’re in relationship (or even just in conversation) with an EIP 
• How to interact with an EIP 
• How to prevent brain scramble when you’re talking with someone who isn’t making any attempt to understand what you’re saying  
• How she reacts when she comes across EIP’s in her everyday life
• Whether it’s possible to have some immature characteristics without being an EIP
• Handling your own emotionally immature tendencies  
• Whether or not EIP’s can change
• The limits of estrangement
• Why she encourages “alternatives to forgiveness”

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/lindsay-gibson-791

Book Mentioned:

• Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People

Other Resources Mentioned:

• Lindsay’s first appearance on the Ten Percent Happier Podcast

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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Today’s guest, Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, gives advice for dealing with emotionally immature people— whether they are your parents, boss, spouse or childhood friend, she offers practical tools to help navigate these difficult relationships. 

Description: 

Emotionally immature people (EIP’s) are hard to avoid and most of us, if not all of us, have to deal with them at some point in our lives. These interactions can range from mildly annoying to genuinely traumatic, especially if the emotionally immature people in question are our own parents, which is true for an awful lot of us.

Today’s guest, clinical psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson, gives advice for dealing with emotionally immature people, whether they’re your parents or not. She has written a sleeper hit book on the subject called, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents. 

In this episode we talk about:

• The signs of emotional immaturity
• Whether or not I’m emotionally immature
• What happens to children who are raised by emotionally immature parents, including their signature coping strategies
• Why adult children of EIP’s turn to healing fantasies, and how to let them go
• How to cope with emotionally immature parents as an adult
• What role compassion should and should not play in your relationship with EIP’s
• How to heal

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/podcast-episode/lindsay-gibson-2022-rerun

Books Mentioned:

• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents
• Who You Were Meant to Be: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Life's Purpose
• Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy
• Self-Care for Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: Honor Your Emotions, Nurture Your Self, and Live with Confidence
• Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People: Avoid Emotional Traps, Stand Up for Your Self, and Transform Your Relationships as an Adult Child of Emotionally Immature Parents 

Other Resources Mentioned:

• Lisa Feldman Barrett

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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To find some mental stability, start with physical stability.

About Oren Jay Sofer:

Oren Jay Sofer teaches mindfulness, meditation and Nonviolent Communication. He has practiced meditation since 1997, beginning his studies in Bodh Gaya, India and is a long-time student of Joseph Goldstein, Michele McDonald, and Ajahn Sucitto, and is a graduate of the IMS/Spirit Rock Teacher Training program. Oren teaches retreats across the country and works as Senior Program Developer at Mindful Schools, teaching and developing curricula for one of the international leaders of mindfulness in education.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “Ground Hope In Your Body.”

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A self-described “silly man” tells us about what’s really important in life. 

Ted Danson has an acting career spanning over four decades. He rose to prominence in the 1980s with his iconic portrayal of Sam Malone in the long-running sitcom "Cheers," earning him critical acclaim and multiple awards. Danson's charisma and acting prowess have since led him to a myriad of diverse roles, including his Emmy-nominated performances in "Damages" and "Fargo." Most recently, he starred in the existential comedy “The Good Place.” Beyond his acting career, Danson is also celebrated for his environmental activism and philanthropy, demonstrating a commitment to making a positive impact beyond the screen. His next venture? A podcast with his old “Cheers” buddy, Woody Harrelson.

In this episode we talk about:

• meditation
• marriage
• hypochondria
• grief
• what he means when he calls himself a joy junkie
• what he learned from being on the TV show “The Good Place”
• and that time he did shrooms with his fellow cast members on “Cheers”

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/ted-danson

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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Practical tips to stop judging yourself, chill out about exercise, and start taking better care of your body – from a Buddhist teacher who learned the hard way.

Description: 

It’s an urgent question for so many of us: Can we exercise, can we take care of our bodies, without being driven by shame, self-loathing, or noxious comparison to other people?

Our guest today has a unique perspective on this. Cara Lai is a former social worker and psychotherapist who is now a Buddhist teacher. She also used to be a marathoner. But in the last few years, her body has undergone some radical changes, leading her to some hard-won, fascinating, and deeply useful insights about how to strike the balance between taking care of your body and staying sane.

In this episode we talk about:

• Practices for that moment when you’re getting out of the shower, see yourself in the mirror, and engage in a festival of self-judgment
• The surprising things that happened when Cara was forced to stop exercising
• A counterintuitive mindfulness practice suggestion for those with exercise routines
• When and why you should purposely do things you know are bad for you
• Why we often resist ‘being in our bodies,’ why that’s OK, and how to lower the bar on this contemplative cliché–without giving it up
• A body-related Buddhist practice she finds to be totally not useful

Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/cara-lai-787

Other Resources Mentioned:

The Upside of Desire | Cara Lai

The Anti-Diet | Evelyn Tribole

Additional Resources:

• Download the Ten Percent Happier app today: https://10percenthappier.app.link/install

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What if one of the often overlooked keys to being productive is being lazy? That’s the case you will hear made today by Brother Pháp Hữu, a very impressive young zen Buddhist monk.

Brother Pháp Hữu is a senior Dharma teacher in Thich Nhat Hanh’s International Plum Village Community and abbot of Upper Hamlet, the monks’ community in Plum Village Monastery, a practice center founded by Thich Nhat Hanh in southwest France. Born in Vietnam, he emigrated to Canada as a child. He began training with Thich Nhat Hanh at the age of thirteen when he first entered the monastery to become a monk. Thich Nhat Hanh gave him the name Chân Pháp Hữu, which means “True Dharma Friend.” For more than ten years, he accompanied Thich Nhat Hanh on his international teaching tours as his attendant and assistant. Today, Brother Pháp Hữu is deeply committed to building community and continuing Thich Nhat Hanh’s legacy, bringing his teachings in particular to businesspeople, families, and young adults. Brother Phap Huu is passionate about basketball, music, and developing new approaches to teamwork, leadership, mentoring and coaching, and is a beloved co-host—with journalist, leadership coach, and workshop facilitator Jo Confino--of the Plum Village podcast, The Way Out is In.

In this episode we talk about:

• The origin and purpose of something called Lazy Day
• What doing nothing looks like in practicality
• Why doing nothing is so hard for people
• How you can integrate the wisdom of lazy days into your life, even if you can’t carve out a whole day
• How laziness in and of itself can be productive and how it allows for a re-examination of our own happiness.
• And The geopolitical case for being vs. doing

Related Episodes:

• The Buddha’s 8-Part Manual for a Good Life | Brother Pháp Dung
• How to Suffer Well | Brother Pháp Dung
• This Episode Will Make You Stronger | Sister Dang Nghiem
• Six Buddhist Strategies for Getting Along Better with Everyone | Sister True Dedication
• 3 Buddhist Strategies for When the News is Overwhelming | Kaira Jewel Lingo
• A Buddhist Recipe for Handling Turmoil | Kaira Jewel Lingo

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/br-phap-huu

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While we may want to conquer physical pain, it’s actually observing the sensations and knowing when to take a break that’s the key to relief.

About Sharon Salzberg:

Sharon Salzberg is a meditation pioneer, world-renowned teacher, and New York Times bestselling author. She is among the first to bring mindfulness & lovingkindness meditation to mainstream American culture fifty years ago, inspiring generations of meditation teachers and wellness influencers.

A co-founder of The Insight Meditation Society in Barre, MA, Sharon is the author of thirteen books, including the New York Times bestseller, Real Happiness, now in its second edition, and her seminal work, Lovingkindess.

In 2023, Sharon released two new books: Real Life, available from Flatiron Books, and Finding Your Way, a small gift book from Workman.

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “When Your Body Hurts.”

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On this show, we talk a lot about ways to stop the interpersonal and intrapersonal violence of obsessing about thinness. Today’s episode, though, is a bit of a departure… because this whole dynamic and debate has been deeply disrupted by the advent of Ozempic and other new weight loss drugs, which are technically called GLP1s. This is a controversial and touchy subject, to say the least. 

Journalist and best-selling author Johann Hari discusses his latest book Magic Pill: The Extraordinary Benefits and Disturbing Risks of the New Weight-Loss Drugs. He believes drugs like Ozempic are the equivalent of the invention of the iPhone – and will impact all of our lives, whether we like it or not, and whether we take them or not. And in Magic Pill, Hari – who somewhat ambivalently takes Ozempic himself – marinates in the complexity of all of this. 

This is Hari’s third time on the show. He has come on before to discuss his books on distraction and depression—entitled Stolen Focus and Lost Connections.

This is the latest episode of our Get Fit Sanely series. This is the third time we’ve done Get Fit Sanely, and in this go-round, we’ll be covering longevity, exercise, and the Buddhist case for laziness. 

Related Episodes:

Get Fit Sanely Playlist

Why You Can't Pay Attention - And How to Think About It | Johann Hari

Fighting Depression with Social Connection | Johann Hari

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Five takeaways from a year's reporting on fitness, and why this journalist says it's time to go easier on yourself.

Shannon Palus is a features editor at Slate covering heath, science, and human interest. In 2023, she edited Slate's year-long fitness column, Good Fit, about exercise. Her writing has also appeared in the New York Times' Wirecutter, Scientific American, and the Atlantic. 

In this episode we talk about:

• How this conversation changed the way Dan thinks about exercise
• Why you shouldn’t drive yourself crazy following the latest trends about health and fitness
• Why tracking your workouts isn’t always helpful - and remembering that there is always the option to “go slow.” 
• The importance of remembering that exercise is not one-size-fits-all 

Related Episodes:

Can You Get Fit Without Self-Loathing? | Cara Lai — Ten Percent Happier 

How to Stop Obsessing Over Your Body and Eat Sanely in a Toxic Culture | Virginia Sole-Smith — Ten Percent Happier 

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Full Shownotes: https://www.tenpercent.com/tph/podcast-episode/shannon-palus

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After an intense day, try this simple meditation to decompress and de-stress by getting comfy and putting your feet up.

About Jeff Warren:

Jeff is an incredibly gifted meditation teacher. He's trained in multiple traditions, including with renowned teacher Shinzen Young. Jeff is the co-author of NY Times Bestseller "Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics," and the founder of the Consciousness Explorers Club, a meditation adventure group in Toronto. He has a knack for surfacing the exact meditation that will help everyone he meets. "I have a meditation for that" is regularly heard from Jeff, so we've dubbed him the "Meditation MacGyver."

To find this meditation in the Ten Percent Happier app, you can search for “End of Day Decompress: The Porch Sit.”

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