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    About this Episode

    The end of a relationship or a friendship can leave us with a lot of unanswered questions, especially when the split is sudden, out of the blue, and the other person is unresponsive. In other instances, we don't quite know what went wrong and are looking for answers. In today's episode we talk about the elusive myth that is closure: whether we need it, how to get it, and why we should not rely on others to provide us with permission to move on. We also discuss the closure cycle and the reasons we may THINK we are looking for closure, but are really looking for an excuse to reconnect. All of that and more, listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast: @thatpsychologypodcast 

    For business enquiries: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    🔑 Key Takeaways

    • Seeking closure from others may not always be realistic or beneficial. Instead, we can find closure within ourselves by making sense of the situation and finding a place for our memories.
    • Closure is essential for our minds to move on from a relationship, but individuals may have different needs for closure based on their personality. Avoiding closure can be a way to cling onto the relationship's potential or avoid negative emotions.
    • Seeking closure from others may not provide the healing we seek; instead, integrating the situation into our understanding of the relationship allows us to find closure and move forward.
    • Seeking closure from someone who hurt us may delay our own peace and hinder our ability to move on. Time heals, and our peace is worth more than seeking validation or closure from someone who may never provide it.
    • Seeking closure can hinder moving on. When attempting to gain closure, set clear intentions, establish time limits, and focus on understanding and moving forward. Recognize that closure can come from within.
    • By consciously replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, we can find new possibilities and opportunities even in challenging times.
    • Embracing and processing the pain of a relationship's end is necessary for genuine closure, allowing for personal growth and resolution of guilt.
    • Reflecting on our own actions and taking responsibility for them is crucial for personal growth and preventing future mistakes. If closure from others is unattainable, self-forgiveness and understanding can aid in healing and moving on.
    • We can find closure by shifting our mindset, focusing on personal growth, and understanding that certain relationships and experiences happen for a reason. Time, positive experiences, and self-reflection help us move forward.

    📝 Podcast Summary

    Finding Closure: A Path to Certainty and Healing

    Closure is a powerful concept in our twenties, especially when it comes to relationships. We often yearn for closure after a breakup, wanting answers and clarity. But closure isn't just limited to romantic relationships—it can also be necessary when friendships end. These endings can be just as painful and confusing, leaving us craving closure. However, while closure may be something we desire, it's important to question whether we truly need it as much as we think we do. Seeking closure from the person who caused us pain may not always be realistic or beneficial. Instead, we can find closure within ourselves by making sense of the situation and finding a place for those memories. Ultimately, closure is about finding a solid conclusion and a sense of certainty, but we can provide it for ourselves.

    The significance of closure in relationships and its impact on our mental state and decision-making.

    Closure is important for our minds to find an ending and move on from a relationship. When we are left without closure, our minds continue to search for answers, keeping the memory of the relationship ongoing. The need for closure differs in intensity, depending on our personality. People with a high need for closure may feel stressed by uncertainty and make assumptions or false judgments to provide themselves with an ending. On the other hand, some individuals avoid closure to stay connected with their ex or cling to the potential of the relationship. Avoiding closure helps us avoid negative emotions that come with acknowledging the end of a relationship. Furthermore, studies have shown a correlation between the need for closure and creativity levels.

    Finding Closure: The Power is Within You

    Seeking closure from someone else may not always provide the healing and resolution we crave. It's common to believe that there is a magical answer or explanation that will make us feel better, but often, it is our own ability to integrate the situation into our understanding of the relationship that brings closure. Relying on someone else to give us closure may be futile, as their actions or lack thereof may already be the closure we needed. Their inability to treat us with respect or their inconsistency can be evidence that they were not emotionally mature enough for a healthy relationship. Ultimately, we have the power to find our own closure and move forward.

    The futility of seeking closure from someone who hurt us.

    Relying on someone who hurt us for closure is often futile. They may not have the answers we seek, and there's no guarantee of their honesty. Waiting for apologies or seeking amends can delay our own peace and hinder our ability to move on. Closure can sometimes be a proxy for a desire to reconnect, keeping us stuck in the past. Moreover, our brains naturally prioritize what is important and let go of what isn't, including fading memories of a relationship. Time truly does heal, allowing our brains to replace old connections with new ones. Ultimately, our peace is worth more than seeking validation or closure from someone who may never provide it.

    Seeking Closure: Understanding the Pitfalls and Finding Inner Strength

    Seeking closure from someone who is no longer a part of your life can hinder your ability to move on. Continuously reaching out and engaging in conversations with them only keeps that connection alive and prevents you from properly letting go. While closure may be necessary in some cases, it's important to have clear intentions and a time limit for the conversation. It's not a time to try and reconcile or rehash old arguments, but rather a space for understanding and moving forward. Additionally, it's crucial to acknowledge that sometimes we may not get the opportunity for closure from others, and that's okay. We have the power to find closure within ourselves and take the necessary steps to move on successfully.

    Shifting Mindset for Closure

    Closure after a challenging chapter in life requires conscious mindset shifts. It may be tempting to dismiss the idea of changing our thoughts about a situation, but psychology shows that we have control over our cognitions. Instead of dwelling on the negativity and believing that this is the end, we should deliberately replace negative thoughts with ones that suit us better. While it may be difficult at first, repetition and interrupting negative thoughts will eventually make it automatic. By changing our mindset, we can find the hidden beginnings in endings and open ourselves up to new possibilities and opportunities. Remember, this may just be the best thing that has happened to us, even if we can't see it yet.

    Achieving True Closure in Relationships: A Shift in Mindset and Facing Negative Emotions

    True closure in a relationship requires a shift in mindset and a willingness to face negative emotions. It's important to understand that the end of a relationship may lead to something beneficial that we would have otherwise missed. Avoiding the pain of grief by engaging in avoidance only prolongs the healing process. Instead, we should allow ourselves to experience and process the pain, finding an outlet for our emotions. It's normal to have occasional thoughts about the person, especially if the relationship was significant or traumatic. These thoughts don't indicate a need to reach out or a lack of readiness for closure. Memory flare-ups and the anniversary effect are common occurrences that don't hold secret messages. Lastly, closure also involves taking accountability for our own actions and resolving any lingering guilt.

    Taking Responsibility and Finding Closure: Examining Our Role in Seeking Forgiveness

    When seeking forgiveness and closure from someone, it's important to examine our own role in the situation. Ignoring our own mistakes and placing blame solely on others doesn't help us grow or prevent us from repeating the same mistakes. We should reflect on whether we respected boundaries, behaved appropriately, and allowed external factors to affect our actions. Taking responsibility for our actions and addressing our own flaws can lead to personal growth and prevent future hurtful situations. Additionally, if closure from the other person is unattainable, we should focus on further self-forgiveness and understanding. The exercise of writing two letters, one to the person and one to ourselves, can symbolically release the emotional burden and aid in healing and moving on.

    Finding Closure Within Ourselves

    Closure does not have to come from someone else. It is possible to provide closure for ourselves through a mindset shift and a focus on personal growth. Ruminating over the details and seeking answers from others only perpetuates the feeling of being controlled by the situation or person. Instead, we should strive to examine what we have lost and view it from a redemptive lens, without blame. Understanding that certain relationships and experiences happen for a reason can help us come to peace with the situation. Time has a healing effect on wounds, and as we replace negative experiences with positive ones, our grip on the past will loosen. Ultimately, we have the power to find closure within ourselves and move forward on our journey.

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