Our 20s are often seen as this golden decade, our time to be carefree, make mistakes, and figure out our lives. But what can psychology teach us about this time? I'm Gemma Spegg, the host of The Psychology of Your 20s. Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s.
from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money and much more to explore the science behind our experiences. The psychology of your 20s, hosted by me, Gemma Spegg, listen now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hi, I'm Essie Cupp, and I've spent my career interviewing people about politics, presidential elections, and some really tough breaking news. But now, I need a break, and I think you do too. So on my new podcast, Off the Cup, I'll still be interviewing people, usually famous and most likely my friends, but about life. You know, the stuff that consumes us when we're not consumed by politics?
So come join me every Wednesday for some conversational self-care. Listen to Off the Cup on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.
Hey, y'all. Nimminy here. I'm the host of a brand new history podcast for kids and families called Historical Records. Executive produced by Questlove, The Story Pirates, and John Glickman, Historical Records brings history to life through hip-hop. Get the kids in your life excited about history by tuning in to Historical Records. Listen to Historical Records on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.
We want to know how to leverage culture to build a successful business with the Butternomics of the podcast for you. I'm your host Brandon Butler, founder and CEO of Buttery Tail. And on Butternomics, we go deep with today's most influential entrepreneurs, innovators, and business leaders to peel back the layers on how they use culture as a driving force in their business. Butternomics will give you what you need to take your game to the next level. Listen to Butternomics on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.
This episode is brought to you by Masterclass. And I've got some exciting news. This month, my Masterclass on navigating change is live on the Masterclass platform. Go to masterclass.com forward slash navigate change to tune in now.
I think we often feel that no has to be felt like a door slamming in your face or someone face-parming you, right? We almost imagine a no to feel like rejection. And I think that when we decline an invitation, it doesn't have to feel like a closed door. It can feel like a gentle communication, a gentle nights to say, hey, I would have loved this. Thank you so much. I am so grateful. I appreciate it so much, but I won't be able to make it.
Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. Thank you so much for tuning in, checking in with yourself, whether you're walking your dog, whether you're cooking, whether you're driving, whether you're training at the gym right now, wherever you are. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for trusting me. I am so happy that I get to connect with you at these really important times in your life. I think that
Right now with the holidays around the corner, it's natural for anxiety and stress to be high. It's a heavy time because you're meeting family, maybe family that triggers you.
Maybe family that causes you stress. Maybe it's stressful because you're worried about your finances. It might have been a difficult year, money-wise, and it's getting to that time of year where you're trying to make important choices for this year and next year. Maybe you lost someone during this time of year a few years back.
And whenever it swings around to the holidays, you're reminded of how special those times used to be, and you're struggling to find that new normal. Or maybe the stress and anxiety exist because you've got to go to so many parties, you've got to talk to so many people, you've got to show up to your work party, your friends' party, your family's party. There's so much going on.
If you're feeling stressed right now, I want you to know that's okay and it's normal. If you're feeling anxious right now, I want you to know it's okay and it's normal. And if you're feeling overwhelmed right now,
I want you to know it's okay and it's normal. I think when we don't acknowledge our stress, when we don't acknowledge our anxiety, when we don't acknowledge our overwhelm, it actually just grows. It actually gets worse and it actually feels like it increases because it's almost like trying to avoid something that you know is there.
And all it's trying to do is get your attention. Your stress, your anxiety is simply trying to get your acknowledgement, your recognition, and your validation. It's trying to say, look, I'm here. Don't ignore me. I'm trying to warn you. I feel a certain way. And the more we try to avoid it, the more we try to pigeonhole it or get it stuck in a box, the more it has to shout and scream and knock for our attention.
So the best thing you can do for your stress is be aware of it. And the worst thing you can do for your stress is try to avoid it. Remember that the best thing you can do for your stress is to be aware of it to acknowledge it. And the worst thing you can do for your stress is to avoid it or try to pretend that it doesn't exist in the first place.
Now, as I mentioned before, there are so many reasons for us to feel stressed. And I looked at a study that said that 66% of people feel they feel more stressed during the holiday season. And what's causing all this stress, the top sources, financial factors ranked highest at 28%,
Family gatherings was next at 21%. Traveling and planning was 18%. And disrupted routines was next at 18%. So the top four sources of stress we experienced around the holidays were financial, family, travel and planning and disrupted routines. And I'm sure that you can relate to at least one of these or a couple of these that may feel really real for you.
And I think it's even harder because we look at the holiday period as a time to celebrate, as a time to relax, as a time to enjoy, as a time to be with family, as a time to rejuvenate, right? It's meant to be a positive time. And when something's meant to be positive...
And it isn't. It almost feels worse than if you expected it to be not positive. Right? Does that make sense? It's almost like if you're going to a comedy show, you expect it to be funny. And if it isn't funny, you're like, wait a minute, I wanted to laugh. Like, I came here to laugh. I came here to let loose. I came here to be silly. I came here to be entertained, but it isn't that. Whereas if you go for a night out, if it ends up being funny and you didn't plan on it, it's a bonus.
That's kind of what the holidays are like. We go out there expecting to feel loved, to feel cared for, to feel connected, to experience kindness, to be in a safe space. And we often walk away feeling more triggered, more misaligned, more disconnected from people we're supposed to love, from people we're supposed to be close to. And I think a lot of our stress is around this idea of what the holidays are supposed to be.
what the holidays are meant to be. And so as I walk you through these pieces of advice, I want you to recognize that we need to reframe our mind to the holidays. We need to not have the expectation that this is gonna be the best time, that everything's gonna be perfect, and we also don't want to anticipate things and not prepare for them. Often we know things are gonna be difficult or stressful, but we're not prepared in advance, so I'm hoping that this episode gets you ready.
So the first one is remembering you're allowed to say no. One of the points that came out is this disrupted routine. And I think around the holidays, we feel the pressure to have to say yes to every party and every event. And I think we have to remember that it's okay to say no.
You don't need anyone's permission. You don't need to check in with anyone else. If you don't feel like going, it's okay. And I think what a lot of people do is we think that, we know that, but we wait till the last minute. So what we do is the RSVP comes. We know we don't want to go.
But we feel bad in the moment, so what we do is we say, yes, I'm attending. And then as it gets closer and closer and closer, we're now spending every day getting more and more stressed thinking, how do I get out of this party? How do I say no? And as it gets closer, it gets harder. We see the person maybe posting saying they're preparing,
Maybe they sent a text saying, hey, this is what everyone can bring, right? You start to get closer and you think, wow, I'm going to let them down even more now. And then it comes to the moment just before the party. And you either force yourself to go or you guilt trip yourself when you've sent the message saying you can't go and now you feel bad about it. And now you're trying to make it up to the person and now you're overdoing it on the next event or party. How many of you can relate to that?
And so many of us can relate to that, and that's why it's so important to be okay with saying no with the beautiful explanation ahead of time. I really believe that it's not about your answer, and it's more about the affection with which it's delivered.
I'm not able to go to some of my friends' holiday parties either because I'm traveling or I've got work and I've clearly communicated to them from the moment I got the invite saying, hey, you know what? I would have loved to be here. I know you put so much energy and effort. I'm so grateful to be invited, but...
This is what's going on, and I'm so sorry I can't be there. And I find that having a genuine open communication lets you feel better about yourself, but also lets the other person know that you value them. I think we often feel that no has to be felt like a door slamming in your face or someone face-palming you, right? We almost imagine a no to feel like rejection.
And I think that when we decline an invitation, it doesn't have to feel like a closed door. It can feel like a gentle communication, a gentle nod to say, hey, I would have loved this. Thank you so much. I am so grateful. I appreciate it so much.
but I won't be able to make it and I think I want to remind you that please do this earlier because the closer it gets you're just carrying that stress for longer and the more stress you carry for longer even if you do end up getting the courage to say no you at the end of it feel bad for saying no and then it kind of starts to spiral all over again so remember it's okay to say no
And it's okay to prioritize the events and the parties that matter to you the most and not feel pressured to go to the ones that don't. And I think when we do things out of pressure, we actually end up disliking ourselves and the person more.
Right? We often think like, oh, if I say yes now, then it will all be okay and everyone will be happy with me. But guess what? You said yes. The person didn't notice you much at the party or they were busy. They were hosting. And now you go back thinking, oh, they wouldn't even have cared if I wasn't there. And it's like, yeah, maybe they wouldn't have. And why did you put that pressure on yourself?
So that's point number one. Now, number two, this is a huge one. When we know we have time off, we almost assume that it's enough. But the truth is, and this blows my mind, more than four in 10 US workers don't take all their paid time off. Not unpaid, paid time off.
When workers who don't take all their time off for asked why, some reasons are more common than others, says Pew Research. About half of those who don't take all their time off say they don't feel they need to take more. A similar share, 49% say they'd worry about falling behind at work if they took more time off.
And 43% of workers who don't take all their time off say they'd feel badly about their co-workers taking on additional work. Now, notice how all of those are really beautiful and noble thoughts. But here's the reality. When you don't take time off, you don't get time to refuel. If you don't take time to refuel, you're actually doing less at work even though you're spending more time at work.
Now, when you feel burnt out or exhausted or feel like you've been on for work for a long period of time, guess what? It negatively impacts your relationships with your coworkers. So all the things that you're trying to get right, all of a sudden you're actually making mistakes on all of those things. So it's so important and healthy around the holidays, especially at a time when everyone's switching off, especially at a time if you can,
Taking a bit more time off to say, you know what, this is the time I'm going to use to refuel. This is the time I'm going to use to feel better. Often the stress and anxiety comes from the fact that all of our time off are spent at the events. All of our time off is spent with other people and then we go back from the holidays feeling like we didn't get time to rejuvenate.
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Our 20s are seen as this golden decade. Our time to be carefree, fall in love, make mistakes, and decide what we want from our life. But what can psychology really teach us about this decade? I'm Gemma Spegg, the host of The Psychology of Your 20s.
Each week we take a deep dive into a unique aspect of our 20s from career anxiety, mental health, heartbreak, money, friendships and much more to explore the science and the psychology behind our experiences. Incredible guests, fascinating topics, important science and a bit of my own personal experience. Audrey, I honestly have no idea what's going on with my life.
Join me as we explore what our 20s are really all about. From the good, the bad, and the ugly, and listen along as we uncover how everything is psychology, including our 20s. The psychology of your 20s hosted by me, Gemma Spegg. Now streaming on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Welcome to the Overcomfort Podcast with Jenna Kolopes. Yep, that's me. You may know my late mom, Jenny Rivera, my queen. She's been my guiding light as I bring you a new season of Overcomfort Podcast. This season, I'll continue to discover and encourage you and me to get out of our comfort zones and choose our calling. Join me as I dive into conversations that will inspire you, challenge you, and bring you healing. We're on this journey together.
I'm opening up about my life and telling my story in my own words. Yes, you'll hear it from me first before the Cheeseman lands on your social media food. If you thought you knew everything, guess again.
So I took another test with Ancestry, and it told me a lot about who I am. And it led me to my biological father. And everyone here, my friends laugh, but I'm Puerto Rican. Listen to the Over-comfort podcast with Jennifer Lopez as part of Michael Duran podcast network available on the iHeartRadio app Apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast.
When you find that bright spot to help you get through your day, it's powerful. That's where the Bright Side comes in, a new daily podcast from Hello Sunshine that's bringing you a daily dose of joy. I'm Danielle Robey. And I'm Simone Boyce. Listen, both Danielle and I are reporters. We've covered the news and we know the world can feel heavy, but the Bright Side podcast is a space to have a little fun, to learn something new, and get into some friendly debates.
That's right. Join us five days a week to see how life can look from the Bright Side. We'll hear from celebrities, authors, experts, and listeners like you. Whether it's relationships, friend advice, or figuring out how to navigate life's transitions, we'll talk through it all together. Listen to the Bright Side from Hello Sunshine every weekday on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I think it's so important to set aside some time to really enjoy and appreciate this moment, to not put so much pressure on yourself around this time to say, all right, I've got Christmas up families, I've got this event at this person's, and then I'll be back at work and not feel like you really got to decompress. Please take some time off, please prioritize time off during this period of the year.
Number three, this is a really tough one during the holidays, but hear me out. So, research shows that, of course, the holidays are a time where we like to overindulge. The festive time of year is known for an abundance of food and drink, we know that says this study.
Most holiday parties obviously are filled with high-calorie foods and alcohol, and the overwhelming majority, 79% of respondents said that they follow a less strict diet during the holidays, and most people reported that they eat more sweets and dessert at this time. 26% reported an increase in sweets and desserts, and I think all of us, including me,
I'm in this boat, right? I am in this boat. I let loose. I let go. What does that do? It drops my immunity. It makes me feel more unwell. Now, especially as someone who grew up in London, the weather's not always great either. So if you live in a cold climate, the weather adds to all of this. Now you're feeling more rundown at the end of the year, you carry that into the beginning of the new year, and now you're recovering from that.
Now, I'm not saying I don't want you to eat or you want to eat and have fun. Of course, I want you to have the best time. But I do think that it's important in between the events to add some healthy meals and some healthy habits. For me, one of my favorite things to do is making sure that I'm taking a pack of vitamin C every single day. I take the one that has the pulp in it.
You literally almost like drink slash eat it. I feel so much better. It has saved me from getting ill so many times. I remember I had just finished my press tour. So check this out. When my book came out this year, eight rules of love, I went from I did press in New York,
for over three days, it was stacked from literally 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. We did everything from good morning America to CBS through to what else do we do? We did the Colbert Show in the evenings, we did a ton of podcasts, like there was so much stuff. Then I flew to London, did a week of press in London, all the TV shows and podcasts, then flew to India for 36 hours, did a photo shoot for Vogue with my wife, then flew back to LA,
and did more press there. Then I had five days before I left for my world tour. That's a crazy schedule, and I'll be honest with you, in those five days while I was rehearsing for my world tour, I was so certain that I was going to get sick. And every day, thanks to my amazing, amazing chief of staff, Jordan, I took these vitamin C packs and they saved me from getting sick.
It was amazing that I didn't fall sick during that time. So again, I'm not saying I don't want you to have fun, but I want you to find a way to have some healthy habits. Having your vitamin D, vitamin C, B12, if you're taking a basic multivitamin, it's so important, especially during this time. And if you can have some healthy meals in between, it will make a huge difference. Now, habit number four.
This one is really important because I feel that as we heard family triggers and family conflict is a big one. Maybe you're seeing a family member that, you know, from your childhood has been someone who triggers you. Maybe you're going to see someone who you know.
you have different political religious views from. Maybe you see someone who always likes to point out that your career isn't going in the right direction according to them. You meet someone who doesn't like your partner. Maybe you are the partner that your in-laws don't like, right? Like there's so many ways family can be triggering. And I've experienced this before as well. And for me, it's always been to remind myself that I know who's going to be triggering.
I prepare knowing that I'm going to deal with that. I'm going to sit and smile and I'm going to try and spend time with someone else. I recognize that I can't fight this person. I can't debate them. I don't want to waste my energy trying to convince them otherwise. And I'm going to expect it to happen rather than hoping that it won't happen.
I'm going to expect that it will happen so that I'm not surprised, so that I'm not caught off guard, and so that I can actually enjoy myself by saying, this is expected, this is likely. It's almost like saying, you know traffic's going to be there, right? If you're going on a road trip and you don't predict the traffic, and suddenly you hit a traffic jam, you're like, well, why is this happening right now?
Whereas if you say, you know what, I know there's going to be traffic, but I'm going to take along my favorite playlist. I'm going to take along a bunch of games for the car. I'm going to listen to my favorite podcast. Thank you so much, right? Like the idea is saying, I know this family member is going to trigger me. I'm going to ignore them. I love talking to this family member. I'm going to make sure I take games. I'm going to make sure that I take a book. I'm going to make sure that whatever it is, right, whatever works for you. The point is, expecting triggers is better than hoping they won't happen. Tip number five during the holidays.
One of the things that I think we don't recognize that stresses us during the holidays is that we often start doing whatever else wants us to do. How many of you go to events just because someone else wants you to do it? How many of you want to go to holiday parties just because someone else wants you to go to it? How many of you get into the festive spirit? Because someone else wants you to get into it. Now, I'm someone who loves holiday music. I love holiday decoration. I'm a holiday person. I love holiday movies. I love all of it.
Right? But not everyone feels that way. And what I find is that I have to do what I truly want. And everyone else has to do what they truly want. So if I want to do a Harry Potter marathon with my sister, which is something we do every year, I'm going to do that no matter what. Because the holidays are a time for you. It's rare to have that much time off when the whole world switches off at the same time. And I want you to think about that for a second. It's one of the few times in the world
when most people in the world are able to switch off.
And therefore, allowing yourself to switch off and do what you truly want. If you want a party, if you want to have certain experiences, if you don't want to do any of it, if you want to focus on things at home, whatever it may be, this is your reminder to say, make sure you do what you want to do, not what you feel pressure to do, not what you think you have to do, not what you think you should do, but what you truly, truly want to do.
And don't sacrifice for that. Don't settle for any less than that. Because this is the one time of year when you can truly do it. Now, this one is a tough one, but I have to make a point of it because of the finances being such a big thing. Make a budget. Please don't go into it. I know sometimes, right? Like, the reason why we don't make budgets is because we'd rather not know. But the problem is, at one point, we inevitably end up checking.
And then when we end up checking, we go, oh no, I wish I checked ahead of time. And so here's what I'm going to say to you, check in advance.
Right? Like check in advance, set a budget, write a list of all your gifts. I promise you, you will not regret it in the future as opposed to overspending and then looking back and thinking, I should have done that. Or sometimes underspending and thinking, I wish I got them a better gift. I wish we did more for them. And so I think so many of us don't set a budget. I'm going to say make a budget right now for all your holiday gifts, for all your holiday decor so that you don't give yourself a hard time later on. Number seven.
If you're like me and you love gifts and you love presents, make sure you're clear with people about what you want. I think expectations are really tough during the holidays. You unwrap that gift. Do you remember that scene in Love Actually? Oh, I love it. Where the guy who plays Snape, Alan Rickman, Rest in Peace, phenomenal, you know, wonderful talent. Alan Rickman goes to buy a heart-shaped necklace for this girl at work he's flirting with, not for his wife.
And then he ends up going to Mr Bean, and Mr Bean takes too long to pack his gift. I felt like that so many times when I've got to get a gift, and then his wife spots that he bought that, but then she doesn't get it. Now, I've just realized that this doesn't apply to my point, but I'm glad I told that story anyway. But what I was trying to say is that if you want something, make sure someone knows his wife, unfortunately, in that situation was being kind of cheated on. So I don't think that.
that would have mattered in her case. But if you're expecting your partner to guess your mind, read your brain and know what you want for Christmas, please don't do that. Allow them the opportunity to plan, to prepare by letting them know. I think a lot of us open gifts. We get something that we didn't want. We get something that we feel wasn't good enough, whatever it may be. Be clear about your wishes. I think, you know, if you grew up
believing that Santa Claus was going to deliver your perfect gift and your parents read your mind. It's easy to expect that from a partner. It's easy to expect that from a loved one. But as we get older, it becomes harder and harder for our minds to be read. And it becomes harder and harder for someone to deliver on that. So it's a simple one, but please make someone know your wishes.
Number eight, I think a lot of the time during the holidays everyone says just be present and I think there's an issue with this advice because I also think we need to plan ahead.
I think we need to plan ahead and say, okay, how many parties am I going to? Am I going to be tired on Saturday night? Do I really want to do that on Sunday? I would say actually look at your calendar and plan ahead. You can be present and be really frustrated with your presence because you didn't plan for it. So there is a part of us that needs to think about the future, but we need to think about the future right now, like right now. And so plan ahead, looking at your calendar and making sure you get it right. And now number nine is the opposite. Make time to reflect this year.
I'm going to be doing an episode at the end of the year helping you reflect on your greatest lessons, your greatest goals for next year, your aspirations, the learnings, the meaning from this year, but make time to reflect. I find that the holidays can be stressful because we didn't plan on reflecting. And here's my favorite way of reflecting. What's something I want to add to next year to make it better?
What's something I want to subtract from next year that I did this year to make it better? And what's one thing I want to multiply? What's one thing I want to double down on? What's something that really brought me joy this year and I want to do it a lot more? What do I want to add to next year? What do I want to subtract from next year and what I want to multiply? Never thought math could be so useful.
And number 10, don't abandon therapy and meditation and whatever your self practices are. It's really easy to abandon them thinking this is a time where we just have to have fun, let loose or we're too busy, but this is a time we often need it most. So here are 10 strategies to help with your stress.
I hope that they support you. I'm wishing you all the best. I really hope that you feel supported during this time. And hey, not everything's going to go to plan. People are going to say things to annoy you and trigger you. You're going to have days where you feel upset, but I hope that you will reconnect with this episode and pass it on to reconnect with these tens of all things that can really help you.
Thanks so much for listening. I appreciate you. Look out for some more amazing episodes during the holidays. And I can't wait to continue finishing off 2023 on a high. And I look forward to doing that with you. Thank you so much.
Mental health is now talked about more than ever, which is awesome. I mean, I don't have to tell you that it's a primary focus of on purpose. But on a day-to-day basis, many people don't know where to turn, or which tools can help. Over the past couple of years, I've been working with Calm to make mental wellness accessible and enjoyable, or as I like to say, fun and easy.
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How do you feel about biscuits? Hi, I'm Akula Hughes, and I'm so excited about my new podcast, Rebel Spirit, where I head back to my hometown in Kentucky and try to convince my high school to change their racist mascot, the rebels, into something everyone in the South loves. The biscuits. I was a lady rebel. Like, what does that even mean? It's right here in black and white and print. They lie. Bigger than a flag or mascot. Listen to Rebel Spirit on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
I'm Cheryl Swoops. And I'm Tariqa Foster-Brasby. And on our new podcast, we're talking about the real obstacles women face day to day. Because no matter who you are, there are levels to what we experience as women. And T and I have no problem going there. Listen to levels to this with Cheryl Swoops and Tariqa Foster-Brasby, an iHeartWomen's sports production and partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment. You can find us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.
In 1982, Atari players had one game on their minds, Sword Quest. Because the company had promised 150 grand in prizes to four finalists, but the prizes disappeared, leading to one of the biggest controversies in 80s pop culture. I'm Jamie Loftus. Join me this spring for the Legend of Sword Quest. We'll follow the quest for lost treasure across four decades. Listen to the Legend of Sword Quest on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.
