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    Become a MAGNET to Love (Do THIS to Change EVERYTHING Before 2024!) | Dr. Nicole LePera

    enNovember 15, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • The Importance of Self-Love and Self-Worth for Our Well-BeingPrioritizing ourselves and our needs is not selfish but essential, as neglecting them can lead to resentment and a lack of worthiness. By practicing self-care and self-compassion, we can live a more fulfilled and authentic life.

      Self-love and self-worth are essential for our overall well-being and the ability to cultivate healthy relationships. Many of us have learned that prioritizing ourselves and our needs is selfish, but neglecting our own needs can lead to built-up resentment and a lack of worthiness. Taking care of ourselves, both physically and emotionally, allows us to attune to our hearts and be compassionate individuals. It is important to unlearn the belief that we are unworthy and create space for self-care and self-compassion. While some may have been conditioned to prioritize others, it is crucial to recognize the negative impact this can have on our mental and emotional health. By focusing on self-love and self-worth, we can live a more fulfilled and authentic life.

    • The Impact of Childhood Experiences on Relationships and Well-beingUnderstanding the role our childhood experiences play in shaping our sense of safety and identity is crucial for healing and nurturing healthy relationships.

      Our childhood experiences shape our sense of safety and identity, which can impact our relationships and well-being. Whether we had explosive or emotionally disconnected parents, we learn to minimize certain behaviors or seek validation through achievement. This becomes our default mode, and we may find ourselves constantly giving and doing things at our own expense. Healing begins by attuning to our body's signals and understanding our nervous system's response to stress. Our body, heart, and nervous system act as a control center, sensing and reacting to the external environment and the stress levels of others. By cultivating presence and creating a safe space for ourselves and others, we can foster love and heal relationships.

    • Healing Hearts and Regulating Emotions for Healthy RelationshipsPrioritizing emotional well-being and doing inner work to heal and regulate emotions are essential for creating healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

      When two people in a relationship haven't healed their hearts or regulated their emotions, they tend to engage in cycles of endless conflict and disconnection. This can lead to dysfunctional patterns and coping strategies that may have once kept them safe in childhood. These patterns can manifest as explosive cycles of conflict or a dynamic where one partner is always the caretaker of the other. It's important for individuals in a relationship to prioritize their own emotional well-being and do the inner work to heal and regulate their emotions. By developing self-awareness and emotional connection with oneself, individuals can create healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

    • Cultivating Emotional Connection in Relationships through Self-Awareness and EffortBuilding emotional connection in relationships starts with self-awareness and conscious effort. Regularly checking in with oneself, prioritizing self-care, and attuning to one's own needs are essential for maintaining emotional connection.

      Building emotional connection in relationships requires self-awareness and conscious effort. Nicole LePera explains that she started breaking the cycle of disconnection by looking within herself and assessing her level of presence and connection in each moment. She suggests regularly checking in with oneself to determine the state of emotional connection and presence. By becoming aware of moments of disconnection, she was able to make the choice to reconnect with herself and shift her focus from external concerns to her own feelings. However, she emphasizes that maintaining emotional connection is a daily commitment and requires prioritizing self-care and attunement to one's own needs.

    • The impact of conditioned roles on relationships and the importance of understanding our stress reactionsReflect on our roles in relationships and develop a relationship with our nervous system to address and heal past wounds, making new choices without shaming ourselves.

      Our conditioned cells and roles we play can greatly impact our relationships. These roles, such as overachievers, underachievers, caretakers, and hero worshipers, shape our identities and influence our behaviors. It is important to reflect on who we are and the primary role we play in our relationships. Additionally, developing a relationship with our nervous system can help us recognize moments of stress reaction. When we are in fight mode, we may become agitated and exhibit conflict or shameful behaviors. On the other hand, flight mode leads us to distract ourselves and avoid difficult conversations. Understanding that these reactions stem from a feeling of being threatened can help us address and heal past wounds. It is crucial to normalize and not shame these reactions, choosing instead to make new choices and be present with our emotions.

    • Understanding our coping mechanisms and finding healthier alternatives in relationships.Cultivating self-awareness and compassion can help us navigate complex reactions in relationships and understand that personal growth is a unique process for each individual.

      Our coping mechanisms are deeply ingrained and difficult to change. When faced with difficult emotions or situations, our natural response is often to fight, flee, or shut down. These behaviors are learned from past experiences and trauma, and until we have other tools to cope, they will continue to be our default reactions. Shame and judgment only make it more challenging to find healthier alternatives. In relationships, it becomes even more complex when both partners have their own triggers and responses. The key is to cultivate self-awareness and learn to regulate our own nervous systems. This awareness can also help us understand and respond with compassion to our partners' reactions. While it may be frustrating when others resist growth, each individual has their own journey, and change is a personal process.

    • Overcoming Resistance to Change and Challenging Familiar Patterns.Breaking free from old patterns and setting boundaries is essential for personal growth, even if it creates discomfort within relationships and challenges family dynamics.

      Our nervous system is wired to prefer the familiar and resist change. While change and transformation are possible, our instinct is to stay the same and find comfort in habitual patterns. This resistance to change can make it difficult for us to break free from old patterns and make new choices. The same resistance can also manifest in our relationships, particularly within family dynamics that have been repeated and validated over time. When someone begins to act in a new way or challenge the family identity, it can create discomfort and prompt a reorganization of roles. Many of us were not equipped with the tools and resources to navigate this stress of change, especially if we were raised in previous generations. Challenging these patterns and setting boundaries can be difficult, but essential for personal growth and honoring our own needs.

    • Prioritizing Self-Care by Setting Boundaries with Loved OnesIt's okay to prioritize your own well-being by creating boundaries, even if it may initially upset others. By asserting yourself and taking the time and space you need, you can rebuild and strengthen relationships.

      Setting boundaries and taking space from our loved ones can be incredibly difficult and scary, but sometimes necessary for our own well-being. Nicole LePera's experience of needing to distance herself from her family in order to prioritize her healing and growth shows that it's okay to prioritize ourselves, even if it may temporarily upset others. It's natural to fear rejection and worry about the consequences of setting boundaries, as humans are social creatures wired for connection. However, by bravely asserting ourselves and taking the time and space we need, we may find that meaningful and authentic relationships can be rebuilt and strengthened. It's important to trust our own intuition and prioritize our own needs, even if it means temporarily stepping away from those we love.

    • Developing Safe and Secure Attachments in RelationshipsCreating a sense of safety and security within ourselves is essential for cultivating healthy relationships and attracting safe individuals.

      Most people do not have a safe and secure attachment style in relationships. This lack of inner safety and security, coupled with demanding, manipulative behavior, prevents us from allowing others to be themselves and express their wants and needs. This pattern stems from our childhood and the learned definitions of love and relationship that we must unlearn. To create healthier attachments, we must first feel safe and secure in ourselves, exploring our perspectives and emotions. Creating space for self-connection is crucial, as it allows us to develop a calm and grounded relationship with others, valuing them for who they are. Although it may feel unfamiliar, attracting a safe and secure individual becomes possible as we cultivate safety and security within ourselves.

    • Finding a Secure Partner: Balancing Passion and Stability in RelationshipsPursuing a relationship solely based on passion may not lead to long-term fulfillment. Stability and interdependence allow individuals to explore their interests while fostering connection in a balanced and enjoyable relationship.

      Finding a safe and secure partner can initially seem boring to individuals who come from a chaotic and stressful childhood. This is because those who are used to high emotions and chaos might interpret calm and groundedness as lacking passion. However, it's important to realize that pursuing a relationship solely based on passion and excitement may not lead to long-term fulfillment. Stability and interdependence can bring peace and allow each individual to explore their unique passions and interests outside of the relationship. It's crucial to create a balanced and enjoyable relationship that honors individuality while also fostering connection and shared experiences. Adding new relationships to an existing one can provide an opportunity to test the lessons learned and apply them to creating healthy dynamics.

    • Embracing Unexpected LoveEmbrace open and honest communication to navigate unexpected turns in relationships, staying committed to self-reflection and authenticity, and fostering a sense of peace and connection with our loved ones.

      Relationships can evolve and take unexpected turns. Nicole, Lewis, and Jenna's story shows that when they faced breakdowns in their communication and conflict, they chose to have open and direct conversations about their feelings. It was through this honesty that they discovered developing feelings for each other and decided to embark on a throuple relationship. This journey symbolizes the importance of listening to our hearts and being open to possibilities, even if they go against societal norms. It also highlights the need for ongoing commitment and self-reflection in navigating new dynamics and ensuring peace within the relationship. Ultimately, their story encourages us to connect with our own truths and communicate them authentically with our loved ones.

    • Embracing Relationship Diversity: Challenges and Beauty in a ThroupleAccepting and supporting diverse forms of relationships is crucial for personal growth and harmony, despite societal judgments. Respect for individual happiness and strong connections should prevail.

      Relationships can come in different forms and dynamics, and it's important to be open-minded and accepting of this diversity. Nicole LePera's experience in a throuple highlights the challenges and beauty that can arise when multiple individuals are involved in a relationship. It is a continuous journey of healing and personal growth, as well as navigating societal judgments and criticisms. However, as history has shown, what was once considered unacceptable or frowned upon can evolve into acceptance and support. Ultimately, as long as individuals find peace, harmony, and develop a strong connection with their hearts, the style of their relationship should be respected.

    • Embracing the Diversity of Relationships: Challenging Criticism and Celebrating AuthenticityBy accepting and celebrating different relationship styles, we can build stronger connections and promote love, peace, and healing in our own lives and in society.

      Relationships come in many different forms and structures, and it's important to embrace and support this diversity. Nicole LePera discusses how she faced criticism and lost followers on Instagram when she shared aspects of her non-traditional relationship, but she also received an outpouring of support from those who value authenticity and are exploring alternative relationship styles themselves. LePera points out that these dynamics are not necessarily new, but rather are becoming more visible in today's society. It is crucial to challenge our tendency to criticize and resist what we don't understand, and instead strive to accept and celebrate different ways of loving and living. Ultimately, love, peace, and healing are at the core of building stronger connections with ourselves and others.

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    Today we have a special guest, Pastor Michael Todd, who is a renowned spiritual leader and relationship expert. Pastor Michael and his wife, Natalie, have been leading Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma, since 2015. They are known for their impactful teaching on relationships, marriage, and personal growth. 

    Michael Todd is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Damaged but Not Destroyed, Relationship Goals and Crazy Faith and is the lead pastor of Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma, with over 5,000 people in physical attendance and over 250,000 viewers live online every week. With a 6.3M+ and growing social following, Todd speaks at a variety of influential churches, events, and conferences each year, including Elevation Church, C3 Conference, Lakewood Church, VOUS Conference, Relentless Church, XO Conference, and has been featured on many prominent media outlets such as The Today Show, Fox & Friends, Forbes, Ebony, The 700 Club, and the Tamron Hall Show. He and his wife, Natalie, have been married since 2010 and live in Tulsa, Oklahoma, with their four beautiful children: their daughters, Isabella, Ava, and Gia, and their son, Michael Jr. Learn more at iammiketodd.com.

    Buy his book: Damaged but Not Destroyed

    In this episode you will learn,

    • The importance of addressing and healing past trauma to become better partners in current relationships.
    • The concept of a "kingdom couple" – a dynamic duo that transcends the conventional relationship. Learn what it means to build a powerful partnership rooted in purpose, trust, and shared values.
    • How selecting the right partner can significantly impact your journey towards fulfilling your life's purpose.
    • Michael Todd delves into the importance of self-discovery and purpose-driven living for a fulfilling relationship.
    • How the intimate aspect of a partnership can either strengthen or strain the connection between two individuals.

    For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1508

    For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960

    Want more episodes on relationships? 

    Sheleana Aiyana - https://link.chtbl.com/1436-pod

    Lewis Howes solo episode on relationships - https://link.chtbl.com/1450-pod

    Everything We’ve Learned About LOVE (Live Audience Q&A + A SURPRISE!) | Martha Higareda

    Everything We’ve Learned About LOVE (Live Audience Q&A + A SURPRISE!) | Martha Higareda

    HAPPY NEW YEAR! Get ready for an incredibly personal and heartwarming episode of The School of Greatness Podcast, recorded LIVE at The Summit of Greatness 2023. In this special moment, Martha Higareda and Lewis Howes share the stage for the first time, and their candid conversation about love and relationships is one for the books. Stay tuned until the end, there’s an unforgettable surprise you won't want to miss!

    Don’t miss the action at SUMMIT 2024 – buy your tickets TODAY at https://lewishowes.com/tickets and use promo code GREATNESS for 20% off at checkout.

    In this episode you will learn

    • Why so many women face challenges in love and relationships, and how can they overcome them.
    • The complex feelings of wanting to leave a relationship but feeling stuck, and how to break away from an unhealthy relationship.
    • Martha "BALANCED" acronym for love and relationships, and how this has helped shape Martha & Lewis’s relationship.
    • Discover why choosing someone based on their potential may not be the best approach.
    • Differentiate between accepting someone for who they are and trying to change them. Learn how to build a healthy, conscious relationship based on acceptance and the fundamentals of a thriving partnership.

    For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1554

    For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960

    More SOG episodes on relationships and communication we think you’ll love:

    Vanessa Van Edwards: https://link.chtbl.com/1231-pod

    Dr. Ramani Durvasula: https://link.chtbl.com/1195-pod & https://link.chtbl.com/1196-pod

    Lori Gottlieb: https://link.chtbl.com/1191-pod

    The Unexpected Power of Self-Healing & THRIVING RELATIONSHIPS | Gary John Bishop

    The Unexpected Power of Self-Healing & THRIVING RELATIONSHIPS | Gary John Bishop

    Gary John Bishop is a leading personality development expert, coach, and New York Times bestselling author for his book – Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Life. That’s not all, as Gary has written several other books including – Stop Doing That Sh*t, Do The Work, Wise as Fu*k, and most recently: Love Unfu*ked

    Originally from Scotland, UK; Gary has a passion for people and his purpose is to help us in tapping our true potential. From celebrities and athletes to CEOs of several multinational corporations, and stay-at-home individuals and couples, Gary has impacted the lives of thousands of people worldwide through his groundbreaking work. Gary’s “urban philosophy” approach brings to light a new wave of personal empowerment and life mastery that has helped countless people in improving the quality and performance of their lives. 

    Combined with world-class development and training, Gary has the uncanny ability to understand people’s circumstances and bring out the deeper issues that consume them and pull them down. If you are willing and ready to learn the keys to a long-lasting relationship, then stick around for what Gary has to say!

    In this episode you will learn

    • How to approach your life in decades
    • The key to a healthy relationship with your family and spouse
    • How to let go and move on from your past traumas
    • One of the best mindsets to have when approaching marriage
    • How to heal family trauma and redefine relationships

    For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1535

    For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960

    More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:

    Rob Dial – https://link.chtbl.com/1516-pod

    Dr Joe Dispenza – https://link.chtbl.com/1494-pod

    Inky Johnson – https://link.chtbl.com/1483-pod