🔑 Key Takeaways
- Self-love and acceptance are crucial in creating healthy relationships. Don't rely on someone else to complete your life. Work on yourself and build a strong sense of self-worth.
- It's crucial to identify your boundaries, values, and vision for the future. When searching for a partner, it's important to look beyond similar interests and hobbies, and focus on aligning on deeper values and lifestyle choices for a healthy relationship.
- To have a fulfilling and lasting relationship, it's important to see and accept all parts of your partner, while also being honest about yourself from the start. Embrace acceptance over trying to change each other.
- Accepting and allowing our partners to be themselves is the foundation of a healthy and safe relationship. Trying to control or change them creates frustration and the desire to run away.
- Prioritizing Self-Discovery and Healing is Fundamental to Attracting Fulfilling Relationships.
- It's important to address past emotional wounds before entering into a relationship to avoid repeating negative patterns. This can involve healing the inner child to create healthier connections with others.
- Childhood wounds like humiliation, betrayal, and shame impact how we choose romantic partners. Healing from these wounds, taking responsibility for our healing, and acknowledging their impact can attract healthier relationships.
- Addressing past wounds and committing to personal growth can create a healthy and peaceful relationship, where acceptance and mutual growth can occur without resorting to negative conflict.
- Accept people as they are, listen to them without trying to change them, pay attention to early signs of their behavior, communicate and align relationship goals to avoid disappointment.
- It's important to observe actions and align love languages in a relationship for greater success and fulfillment. Communicating in a way that aligns with your partner's love language shows love and effort.
- Understanding how you and your partner express and receive love is essential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Pay attention to each other's values and differences, and communicate authentically and honestly to build a lasting bond.
- True love requires a daily choice, not just chemistry. Safety in a relationship is built on communication and trust, not quick commitments or financial status. Don't base your ideas on movies or codependency.
- Insecurity in relationships can lead to jealousy and a lack of trust. To build self-confidence and trust, address underlying issues and avoid controlling behavior. Both partners must invest in a healthy relationship.
- Communication and alignment on future goals are crucial in a healthy relationship. Enjoy the journey of the relationship, rather than just focusing on the end goal. Insecurity and jealousy can damage even the strongest of relationships.
- Being truthful and transparent in relationships is crucial for building a strong foundation and avoiding future heartache. It takes courage, but prioritizing authenticity and open communication can lead to a healthy and successful relationship.
- Communication of priorities is crucial for building strong and healthy relationships. Find someone who supports your burning desire or dream and discuss topics like future goals to ensure finding the right partner who encourages your dreams.
- Focusing on personal health, passions, and goals alongside a significant other can lead to a more joyful and giving relationship. Valuing oneself ultimately benefits both parties, enhancing creativity and energy to serve others.
- Prioritizing your own needs and open communication with your partner can lead to a successful and fulfilling relationship, while neglecting yourself for others can lead to feeling discounted and ultimately less attractive. Choose alignment and acceptance for happiness and longevity.
- Building a healthy relationship requires intentional effort, alignment, acceptance, communication, setting boundaries, avoiding intense conversations late at night, and working together to overcome obstacles in a conscious way.
- Embrace every part of a person in a relationship and explore the world around us for self-growth. Love and acceptance involves celebrating their good parts and accepting every part of them.
- It's important to be yourself, prioritize relationships, serve others, enjoy the moment, pursue passions, and be love. Don't hold back and make the most of life.
📝 Podcast Summary
Love and Relationships with Actor Martha Higareda
In this episode, Lewis Howes interviews his intimate partner Martha Higareda, a successful actor and producer, about love and relationships. They discuss the unrealistic expectations set by romantic comedies and their obsession with finding a "perfect" partner who completes them. Martha explains how these movies portray only the romantic side and do not show the struggles that come after. She emphasizes the importance of self-love and acceptance, rather than relying on someone else to complete one's life. Working on oneself and building a strong sense of self-worth is crucial in creating healthy and fulfilling relationships.
Know Yourself Before Entering into a Romantic Relationship
Focus on knowing and understanding yourself before entering into a romantic relationship. It is important to identify your boundaries, likes, dislikes, values, and vision for the future. When looking for a partner, it is not enough to just have similar interests and hobbies - it is necessary to also align on deeper values and lifestyle choices. Asking important questions early on can prevent wasting time and energy on a relationship that may not be a good fit in the long run. Trying to change someone else is not a sign of love, and accepting and loving someone for who they are is an important aspect of a healthy relationship.
The Importance of Accepting Your Partner for Who They Are in a Loving Relationship
Falling in love is about recognizing yourself through the eyes of your partner. Loving someone deeply means accepting and loving all parts of them, even the not-so-good parts. We often make the mistake of only seeing the best parts of someone and trying to accommodate them, but this clouds our vision and we miss out on truly knowing the person. It's essential to know yourself well and be honest with your partner about who you are. The key to a beautiful relationship is acceptance, accepting the person for who they are and not trying to change them. To create a meaningful relationship, it's essential to be upfront and honest from the beginning of the dating experience.
The Danger of Trying to Change Your Partner
In a conversation between Lewis Howes and Martha Higareda, they discuss how women and men struggle with accepting their partners for who they are instead of wanting to change them. Higareda explains that trying to change someone often comes from a desire to feel safe and create a partner that won't hurt them. However, it's impossible to control another person, and trying to do so often leads to frustration and the desire for the other person to run away. Ultimately, true safety in a relationship comes from accepting each other as we are and allowing each other the freedom to be themselves.
The Connection Between Trauma and Unhealthy Relationships
Relationship patterns and attraction to troubled partners can stem from unresolved trauma and inner child wounds. When facing these patterns, it's important to focus on oneself and address past experiences that may be influencing the present. Popular media, such as movies and songs, can also contribute to unrealistic and unhealthy views of love and relationships. It's crucial to prioritize self-discovery and healing in order to break the cycle and attract healthy, fulfilling relationships.
Healing Past Wounds for Better Relationships
Before entering into a relationship, it's important to assess and deal with any past wounds, such as the rejection, abandonment, and humiliation wounds. These wounds can stem from childhood experiences, and if not healed, can cause people to attract the same type of partner and replicate past abuses. Those with rejection wounds may either shut down or become too adaptable to fit in or belong, while those with abandonment wounds may become overly dependent on their partner and fear being left or abandoned. Meanwhile, those with humiliation wounds may be willing to accept any kind of abuse in a relationship. Healing the inner child and addressing past wounds can help individuals create healthier relationships.
The Five Wounds That Affect How People Choose Romantic Partners.
In this section of the podcast, Martha Higareda shares the five wounds that affect how people pick romantic partners. These wounds are humiliation, treason or betrayal, feeling of being useless or not worthy, shame, and injustice. These wounds often stem from childhood experiences, and if not addressed, they can shape a person's behavior in romantic relationships. Martha emphasizes that it is important to heal from these wounds, acknowledge their impact, and take responsibility for one's own healing to attract healthy relationships. Lewis Howes also explores the popular belief that women do not like "nice guys," and Martha provides insight into why some women may gravitate towards unhealthy relationships.
The Importance of Inner Healing in Finding Love
When looking for love, it's important to address any inner child wounds and be open to love as an adult rather than seeking it as a wounded child. Healing is a never-ending journey and it's important to be aware of any wounds that may be causing us to attract certain types of people. It's also important to evaluate whether we can accept and be happy with the parts of a person that may never change before getting into a relationship. Committing to personal growth individually and as a couple can create a lot of safety and peace in a relationship, allowing for disagreement and conflict without resorting to yelling or screaming.
Meeting People Where They Are in Relationships
In relationships, it is important to meet people where they are and accept them for who they are, rather than trying to mold them into someone they are not. It is crucial to listen to a person's words and believe them, rather than trying to change their mind or expecting them to change for you. Pay attention to the early signs of a person's true character and behavior, rather than only seeing their potential. Chemical bonds can create false feelings and it is important to have alignment and communication about relationship goals to avoid hurt and disappointment in the long term.
The Importance of Actions in Relationships and Aligning Love Languages
When it comes to relationships, actions speak louder than words. It's important to assess whether someone's actions align with their words. Additionally, being aware of each other's love languages and finding alignment can lead to a more fulfilling relationship. It's not about going out of your way to meet someone's needs, but rather being aware of how they feel love and communicating in a way that aligns with that. Building a relationship takes effort and communication, but finding someone who aligns with your values and personality traits can lead to a successful and fulfilling partnership.
The Importance of Knowing Your Love Language and Your Partner's Love Language
Knowing your love language and that of your partner is crucial in building a healthy and fulfilling relationship. It's important to understand that each person may have a different way of expressing and receiving love. While one person may value words of affirmation, another may prioritize actions as a way of showing love. It's crucial to be in alignment with your partner's values, vision and lifestyle, and to accept each other's differences. When getting to know someone, it's important to pay attention to how they tell their stories and listen for cues about their values and behavior. Being authentic, honest and open with each other is essential for building a healthy and long-lasting relationship.
Why rushing into a relationship is not healthy
Jumping into a long-term committed relationship after only knowing someone for a short time is not a healthy thing to do. While there are cases of successful quick marriages, they are more rare than not. Many people base their ideas on what relationships should look like on movies and codependency. True love is a choice that should be made every day, not just a feeling of chemistry or safety. Trying to control a relationship to create a false sense of safety is not effective. True safety in a relationship comes from communication and trust, not from a ring or financial situation.
Taking Ownership of Your Own Sense of Safety in Relationships
It's important to take ownership of your own sense of safety and not rely on others to provide it for you. This is especially true in relationships, where insecurity and a desire for control can lead to jealousy and a lack of trust. By recognizing and addressing the underlying issues of why you feel insecure, you can work on building self-confidence and trust in yourself and your partner. Ultimately, a healthy relationship requires effort and investment from both partners, but trying to control someone else's behavior out of fear and insecurity is not the solution.
The Dangers of Insecurity and Jealousy in Relationships
Insecurity and jealousy can ruin a relationship long-term. If one person is never happy, their partner may feel like they are failing in the relationship and it can become exhausting. No matter what the partner does to try to make them happy, it may never be enough if they don't feel secure and complete within themselves. It's important to ask big questions early on, such as whether or not you see yourself getting married or having kids, to ensure that you and your partner align in the future. It's also important to explore and have fun in the relationship, rather than just pursuing a goal.
The Importance of Authenticity and Honesty in Relationships
Being authentic and honest in relationships is important, as hiding the truth can lead to anxiety and ultimately cause problems in the future. It takes courage to be truthful with someone and potentially risk the relationship, but it is necessary in order to build a strong foundation and avoid future heartache. Prioritizing authenticity and being open about priorities in life is also important in establishing a healthy and successful relationship.
Importance of Priorities in Relationships
Martha Higareda and Lewis Howes discuss the importance of knowing your priorities in a relationship. Higareda emphasizes the importance of finding someone who shares your burning desire or dream, and not settling for someone who cannot support or understand it. Howes, on the other hand, reveals that his top priority is his personal health and well-being. It's crucial for both partners to communicate their priorities honestly and openly in order to build a strong and healthy relationship. Don't shy away from discussing difficult topics like future goals and priorities, as it will ultimately ensure that you find the right partner who supports and encourages your dreams.
Prioritizing Self-care and Personal Mission in Relationships
Lewis Howes, a renowned life coach and entrepreneur, emphasizes the importance of prioritizing self-care and personal mission alongside relationships. He highlights that prioritizing personal health and mission, i.e., passions and goals, leads to a more joyful and giving relationship since one's energy is not drained. Prioritizing oneself makes one more energetic, creative and present, enabling them to serve others better. On the other hand, prioritizing others over oneself can lead to ignoring personal health and mission, ultimately resulting in losing one's voice. Therefore, a healthy relationship requires focusing on personal health, passion, and mission alongside the significant other, making them feel happy and fulfilled too.
The Importance of Self-Care and Communication in Relationships
Self-care, authenticity, and maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner are key to a fulfilling life. Neglecting oneself in order to constantly give to others can lead to feelings of discounting oneself and ultimately becoming less attractive, as Martha Higareda and Lewis Howes discuss in their podcast. Prioritizing your individual needs and communicating with your partner about values and expectations early on can lead to a successful and fulfilling relationship. This includes putting your partner first and avoiding creating fractures within the family dynamic, as well as being open to accepting differences and creating agreements. Overall, choosing alignment and acceptance in a relationship is crucial for happiness and longevity.
How to Create Harmony in Relationships: Insights from Martha Higareda and Lewis Howes.
In a conversation with Martha Higareda, Lewis Howes highlights the value of creating agreements in relationships to minimize misunderstandings and potential arguments. The key to creating harmony in a relationship is to establish alignment, acceptance, and communication around potential areas of disagreement. The duo also discusses the importance of setting boundaries and avoiding intense or uncomfortable conversations late at night when exhaustion might lead to misunderstandings. Ultimately, building healthy relationships requires intentional effort and flexibility, and both parties must work together to overcome obstacles in a conscious way. Leave a comment if you want to hear more about love, relationships, and intimacy from these two relationship experts.
Martha Higareda on Her Upcoming Film and Inspiring Shows
Martha Higareda talks about her upcoming movie, "Queens on the Run" or "Fuga de " in Spanish, set to release on Netflix in early to mid-April. She also promotes her Spanish YouTube and audio shows, "In FTOs" and "" that cover inspiring interviews with therapists and guests. Lewis Howes, the host, commends Martha for teaching him about love and acceptance, showing him that love isn't just about celebrating the good parts but accepting every part of a person. They both express their love and gratitude for each other and discuss their commitment to sharing their knowledge about relationships and self-growth. Overall, the takeaway from this section is the importance of embracing every part of a person in a relationship and the power of exploring and serving the world around us.
Martha Higareda's Philosophy on Life and Success
Martha Higareda believes that life is uncertain, and the greatest gift we can give each other is having the freedom to be ourselves while taking care of our relationships every day. She stresses on doing things in service of others, as it manifests faster in real life. Success, for her, is not about having a clear plan for the future, but rather seizing the moment and enjoying it. Finally, she urges people to not die with their music in them, and to pursue their passions and purpose fervently. Greatness, according to Higareda, is being love, being in the moment, being in service, and enjoying the ride.