In this podcast we discuss how to be assertive in our #5-#7 circles of relationships paradigm. These circles consist of work, giving, boundaries, possesions and coping mechanisms of life.
Circle #5 – The Mandatory Relationships (work and to do lists)
Assertiveness in the workplace means being confident in communicating our opinions, suggestions, challenges and desires. It means representing ourselves well in the company while representing the company well.
It is about making conflict about the problem or challenge that is important to face in order to make it a better workplace.
It is about trusting if the authenticity of the company is worthy of personal authenticity.
Circle #6 – The Peripheral Relationship
Boundaries are important in these relationships.
There are two different categories in this circle:
- The people who have hurt
- The people who will take from us.
Give no energy to our enemies.
It’s not harsh to be assertive, it’s harsher when people take advantage of you. Janna Cachola
Don’t argue with someone because they have a difference of opinion unless we are willing to argue with ourselves in 10 years when your changes.
Be assertive in our research of where we will give.
Be assertive with our giving.
We have three things to give; energy, time and resources.
Circle #7 - Temporal
Are the things that help us cope or give us status. These relationships are attached to a materialistic or consumer based culture. They add a temporal fix and try to satisfy the inner by the outer.
Addictions - Alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling - Guys who struggle with addictions are often trying to change the behavior.
Get assertive about the desire or want that is present. Identify the core issue.
This is a number Circle #1 issue not a Circle #7 issue.
Be assertive about understanding ourselves
Get assertive about what is enough personally.
Get assertive about what it means to have a good life. Define this for ourselves and don’t let our culture define it for us.
Practical Notes of Application
1. Communicate clearly and directly: Speak in a clear and confident tone, and use specific language to express your thoughts and feelings.
- Keep it short, clear and censer
2. Stand up for yourself: Don't be afraid to speak up when you feel that your rights or needs are being disregarded or ignored.
- Know your values and priorities and then communicate them. Communicate what you do want. Example: I would love to go but I am going to hang out with my family.
3. Use "I" statements: When expressing your thoughts and feelings, use "I" statements to take ownership of them. For example, instead of saying "you're wrong," say "I disagree."
4. Respect others' opinions: While being assertive, it's important to respect others' opinions, even if you don't agree with them.
5. Listen actively: Listen to others' opinions and concerns and acknowledge them.
6. Be flexible: Be willing to compromise and negotiate in order to find a solution that works for everyone.
7. Practice confidence: Believe in yourself and your abilities, and practice assertive behavior in different situations.
8. Seek professional help: If you're having trouble being assertive, consider seeking professional help from a counselor or therapist.
Use DESC model by Sharon and Gordon Brower in book asserting yourself.
Describe the behavior that affecting you
Express emotion I am feeling
Solution that may help
Conclusion or consequence if something doesn’t change.
