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    Nicole Avant ON: Why You Should Let Yourself Cry & Ways to Channel Deep Grief Into Grit and Gratitude

    Even in our darkest moments, finding a glimmer of hope and shifting our perspective can help us find healing and resilience.

    enOctober 20, 2023

    About this Episode

    Has your perspective on life changed since you lost a loved one?

    How has forgiveness made a difference in your path to healing?

    Today, we are joined by Nicole Avant, a producer and political activist who served as the United States Ambassador to the Bahamas. Her new book Think You’ll Be Happy: Moving Through Grief with Grit, Grace and Gratitude takes us on a personal journey of grief and healing. 

    Nicole opens up about facing unimaginable challenges, including the loss of her beloved mother, Jacqueline Avant, in a tragic incident. Through heartfelt anecdotes and profound insights, Nicole reveals how she found strength in the face of adversity, and the role that resilience played in her healing process.

    Throughout the conversation, we explore the power of vulnerability, the importance of community, and the beauty of honoring one's emotions. Nicole beautifully discusses the transformative effect of grief and how it can shape our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

    Whether you're navigating your own journey of resilience or simply seeking inspiration to overcome life's obstacles, this conversation will touch your heart and leave you with a renewed sense of hope.

    In this interview, you’ll learn: 

    • How the power of resilience allows us to overcome adversity
    • How grief will transform us 
    • How important community is when we are facing pain 
    • How to turn pain into purpose 
    • How to face life’s obstacles with resilience and determination

    Think You’ll Be Happy by @nicoleavantofficial is now available wherever books are sold. A moving story that is sure to inspire us all. 

    With Love and Gratitude, 

    Jay Shetty 

    What We discuss:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 02:53 The Essence Of Showing Up for Others 
    • 04:46 Allowing Yourself To Pause And Repair
    • 07:25 Always Pay It Forward
    • 11:18 Leaving a Lasting Impression Through Emotional Memories
    • 12:42 Nicole Recalls the Time She Tragically Lost Her Mother
    • 19:07 The Real Definition of Courage
    • 21:22 Self-Expression as a Form of Healing
    • 24:02 The Best Way to Honor Anyone You’ve Love
    • 29:55 The Power of Choice
    • 34:37 Grief Is Proof That You Loved
    • 39:44 Different Ways We Deal with Tragedy
    • 43:41 The Invisible Threads That Connect Us
    • 47:21 You Must Carry On
    • 51:12 Honoring the Departed by Living Life to Its Fullest
    • 55:22 The Lessons Life Offers
    • 01:00:35 Do You Still Cry?
    • 01:03:10 Nicole Avant on Final Five  

    Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    🔑 Key Takeaways

    • Showing up for others involves genuine connection and goes beyond superficial interactions, serving as a valuable lesson in navigating our own journeys while honoring the experiences and needs of others.
    • Acknowledge and embrace the need for soul repair without shame, as it opens the door to healing, growth, and making a powerful impact in the world. Remember, everyone has their own unique journey and mission.
    • Showing love and care through simple actions like notes, phone calls, texts, and emails can make someone feel significant and seen, fulfilling our innate desire to be loved and important. Cherish relationships and express love while you can.
    • Life can change suddenly, but by focusing on our inner strength and taking things one moment at a time, we can cope with overwhelming grief and find the courage to step up and take care of ourselves and our loved ones.
    • By consciously choosing positive channels and engaging in healing rituals, we can navigate grief, find clarity, and connect with loved ones even in their absence.
    • Even after losing someone, their influence can still guide us in shaping a meaningful life, whether by continuing their teachings or choosing a different path.
    • By observing and learning from our interactions with others, we can choose to be better and more considerate individuals.
    • By embracing our power of choice, relying on faith, practicing forgiveness, and finding something to look forward to, we can maintain a positive mindset and overcome challenges in our lives. Grief is a testament to our capacity for love.
    • Choose to celebrate the beautiful moments and memories instead of fixating on the end, and shift our focus to the impact our loved ones had in our lives.
    • In the face of personal tragedy, Nicole Avant's selfless act of advocating for others serves as a powerful reminder to seek justice, show compassion, and strive for positive change.
    • Even in our darkest moments, finding a glimmer of hope and shifting our perspective can help us find healing and resilience.
    • Actively seeking moments of beauty and connecting with nature during tough times can provide hope and strength to rise again.
    • We should remember our ancestry, appreciate our rights, and seize opportunities to honor the sacrifices made by our ancestors.
    • Despite differences, we are all interconnected energetically. Being good and refraining from seeking revenge leads to personal growth and renewal, reminding us that we are constantly repairing and renewing ourselves.
    • Crying is a natural and important way to release and process emotions, allowing for healing and personal growth. It is essential to acknowledge and honor our emotions while supporting others in their grieving process.
    • Choosing gratitude, faith, and joy can provide stability and happiness even in the midst of challenging circumstances.

    📝 Podcast Summary

    The Power of Showing Up

    Showing up for others is a powerful act of service. Nicole Avant's book, "Think You'll Be Happy," emphasizes the importance of honoring the people we love and passing on their teachings and wisdom. Jay Shetty expresses gratitude for Nicole's book and highlights how showing up for someone goes beyond social media likes or surface-level interactions. It involves taking the time and effort to truly connect with others, even when it may be inconvenient or challenging. This reminder serves as a valuable lesson for all of us, as we navigate our own soul journeys and recognize that everyone's experiences and needs are different.

    The Power of Soul Repair and Healing

    We need to acknowledge the importance of repairing our souls. Nicole Avant emphasized the significance of understanding that our souls go through times of repair and healing. It's essential to recognize and own the fact that we're in repair without feeling ashamed or hiding it. By allowing ourselves to be in repair, we open the door for healing and growth. Moreover, the conversation about the human spirit and the soul is missing in society, and Jay Shetty's approach to discussing these topics is refreshing and much-needed. We should strive to move past what we do and focus on who we are as individuals. Helping others on their soul evolution and sharing our blessings creates a powerful impact in the world. It's crucial to remember that there is enough success and abundance for everyone as each person has their own unique journey and mission.

    Making a lasting impact through small gestures of love and care.

    The impact we have on others' lives goes beyond our actions and possessions. It is about how we make people feel. Nicole Avant shares the importance of leaving a positive stamp on humanity through small actions like notes, phone calls, texts, and emails that show love and care. These seemingly simple gestures can mean everything to someone and make them feel significant and seen. The feeling of being loved and important is something we all yearn for. Furthermore, the tragic event of her mother being shot reminds us of the unpredictable nature of life and the importance of cherishing our relationships and expressing our love to others while we can.

    Finding Strength in the Face of Adversity

    Life can change in an instant, and we must be prepared to adapt and find strength in the face of adversity. Nicole Avant's experience of her mother being shot and ultimately passing away showcases the suddenness and shock that can come with life-altering events. Despite the unimaginable pain and trauma, Nicole found the courage to step up and take care of her family, channeling the strength and resilience of her mother. She realized the importance of focusing on who she wanted to be in that moment, rather than solely focusing on what she needed to do. Through this experience, Nicole learned the power of taking things one minute or even one moment at a time, and the importance of self-check-ins and finding ways to cope with overwhelming grief.

    Finding Peace and Courage through Intentional Actions

    Finding peace and courage in the face of pain and loss can come from simple but intentional actions. Nicole Avant's ability to navigate her grief was influenced by her mother's belief in the power of vibrations and energy. By consciously choosing to tune into positive channels and embodying qualities such as courage, peace, and helpfulness, Nicole found clarity and strength. She learned that courage isn't about being fearless, but rather taking action despite fear. Nicole also discovered the healing power of rituals, such as listening to her mother's favorite music and indulging in relaxing baths. These practices helped her connect with her mother's essence and fostered a sense of healing and connection.

    The lasting impact of lost loved ones and the power of honoring their memory

    Even after losing a loved one, their energy and presence can still be felt. While the physical form may change, the love and connection remain. It is a healing process to engage with their memory, to imagine how they would respond and continue to have an impact on our lives. Honoring our parents, regardless of their behavior, can be achieved by living a full and significant life, using the lessons and tools they have given us, or by choosing to be different and break the cycle of abuse or neglect. Ultimately, we can learn from both positive and negative examples in our lives to shape our own character and actions.

    Lessons Learned from Interactions with Others

    Our interactions with others shape who we become. Nicole Avant shared how her diverse work experiences taught her valuable lessons about human nature. Through jobs like selling shoes and working at a dry cleaner, she witnessed both the best and worst in people. These experiences made her sensitive to how others are treated and influenced her to be kind and engaging towards service workers. Similarly, Avant's stepdaughter, Sarah, learned from her own waitressing experience and now actively shows compassion towards servers. The key lesson here is that by observing and learning from our interactions with others, we can choose to be better and more considerate individuals.

    The Power of Choice: Embracing Faith, Forgiveness, and Hope

    The power of choice is a fundamental aspect of our lives. Despite the challenges and tragedies that we may face, we have the freedom to choose how we live and think. Blaming the creator for the choices people make is not productive or fulfilling. Instead, it is important to rely on faith in something bigger and greater than ourselves. We cannot control everything in the universe, but by accepting and embracing life, we can avoid becoming bitter and stagnant. Forgiveness is a crucial part of this journey, as it allows us to let go of negative emotions and not let them consume us. Looking forward to tomorrow and finding something to look forward to helps us stay hopeful and maintain a positive mindset. Grief is a testament to our capacity for love, and it should be celebrated as such.

    Shifting our focus from loss to life

    Shifting our focus from the end to the life is essential when dealing with grief. Nicole Avant's mother's death was shocking, but her life was beautiful, and that is what she chooses to celebrate. It is easy for our minds to fixate on the end and the loss, but we have the power to choose what we focus on. Instead of obsessing over the last moments, we can choose to remember the good times and great memories that bring smiles to our faces. It is a choice we must make every day. By shifting our focus to the years of life and the impact our loved ones had, we can move forward with both the pain and the beauty.

    Turning Tragedy into Advocacy

    In the midst of tragedy and grief, it is important to focus on preventing similar incidents from happening to others. Nicole Avant, despite her own pain and the injustice her family experienced, chose to advocate for the safety and well-being of others. She recognized the potential harm that the perpetrator could cause to other families and made it her purpose to ensure that no one else would go through the same pain. This selfless act of looking beyond personal grievances and seeking justice for others is a powerful demonstration of compassion and empathy. It serves as a reminder to approach difficult situations with understanding and to strive for positive change in the face of adversity.

    Embracing Hope in the Darkness

    No matter how much darkness we may find ourselves in, there is always a small crack of light to hold onto. Nicole Avant's story exemplifies this, as she faced the trauma and devastation of her mother's death and the subsequent home invasion. Instead of succumbing to the question of "Why me?", she shifted her perspective to "Why not me?" She recognized that bad things happen to good people all the time and that it is part of the human experience. By embracing this truth and finding the small moments of connection and support, Nicole was able to prevent the destruction of her spirit. This serves as a reminder that even in the darkest moments, the tiniest glimmer of hope can guide us towards healing and resilience.

    Finding Light in the Darkness: Nicole Avant's Journey of Hope and Resilience

    Finding light in the darkness is essential for moving forward. Nicole Avant's story of loss and grief highlights the importance of actively seeking out moments of beauty, even during the toughest times. Despite feeling surrounded by darkness, she intentionally looked for glimpses of light, whether it was sitting in her yard and staring at a flower or watching the sunset every day. Connecting with nature and recognizing the cycles of life provided her with hope and reassurance that she would rise again. This takeaway emphasizes the power of resilience and the ability to find strength in the face of adversity.

    Honoring Ancestors and Making the Most of Our Lives

    We have the responsibility to honor our ancestors and the sacrifices they made for us. Nicole Avant's parents instilled in her the importance of using her freedom wisely and appreciating the rights and blessings she has. They taught her that it's not just about the loss and death, but about the art of living and making the most of the dash between the dates. Despite facing Tragedy and adversity, her parents made sure she understood the lessons and the importance of being aware of the world around her. We too can learn from this and remember our ancestry, honor their legacy, and make the most of the opportunities we have.

    Resilience, Goodness, and Interconnectedness: A Lesson in Overcoming Pain and Trauma

    Despite the pain and trauma experienced by different cultures throughout history, there is still a capacity for resilience, goodness, and interconnectedness. Nicole Avant's parents instilled in her a deep appreciation for every culture and the understanding that despite our differences, we are all connected energetically. They taught her the importance of being good and doing good, even in the face of rudeness or injustice. Taking the high road and refraining from seeking revenge not only avoids perpetuating negative energy but also allows for personal growth and renewal. Through her own experiences and emotions, Nicole reminds us that we are all a work in progress, continuously repairing and renewing ourselves along the way.

    The Healing Power of Crying and Embracing Emotions

    Emotions, including crying, serve a purpose in healing and moving forward. Nicole Avant highlights the importance of crying as a means of releasing emotions and gaining clarity on how certain experiences impact us. Crying allows us to honor and acknowledge our emotions, ultimately leading to healing and growth. Furthermore, Nicole emphasizes that stagnant energy can hinder new energy from entering our lives, highlighting the significance of processing and releasing emotions. This conversation teaches us the importance of embracing our emotions and using them as a tool for self-awareness and healing, while also reminding us to extend love, understanding, and support to those who are grieving.

    Finding Joy in Dark Times

    Gratitude and faith can help us find joy even in the darkest times. Nicole Avant shares her appreciation for her parents' support and her friends who showed up for her. She emphasizes the power of choosing to be glad and rejoice, even when circumstances don't naturally inspire joy. Nicole's grandmother's prayer, "today is the day the Lord has made and I choose to be glad and rejoice in it," became a mantra for her, giving her a solid platform to stand on during difficult times. Additionally, Nicole's repeated affirmation of standing in her faith helped create stability despite feeling like she was standing on quicksand. Ultimately, this teaches us the importance of gratitude, choice, and faith in finding happiness and healing.

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    Does timing really matter in whether a relationship works?

    What are healthy ways to deal with a breakup?

    Today, let’s welcome back dating coach Matthew Hussey. Matthew is also a YouTube personality and writer known for offering advice on dating, love, and relationships to both men and women through his online content, seminars, and his book "Get The Guy." His approach typically combines practical advice, motivational coaching, and a bit of psychology to help individuals understand what they want from a relationship and how to get it.

    Matthew shares his insights on the complexities of love, self-discovery, and the importance of honest communication. He emphasizes on the significance of creating a peaceful relationship, distinguishing it from a boring one, and the value of embracing vulnerabilities to foster deeper connections. Matthew's reflections on his own experiences, coupled with his expertise, provide a comprehensive guide on navigating the challenges of modern dating, building meaningful relationships, and cultivating self-awareness. 

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to cultivate peaceful relationships without boredom

    How to deepen connections through vulnerability

    How to navigate modern dating with confidence

    How to enhance relationships with effective communication

    How to enrich love life through self-awareness

    Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship, this episode offers valuable lessons on love, resilience, and the transformative power of embracing your true self.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    04:20 Where Does Your Idea of Love Come From?

    10:34 What Differentiates a Peaceful to a Boring Relationship?

    19:35 What Are Your Must-Haves in a Relationship?

    31:47 Tactics Are Different From Relationship Standards

    39:59 Egoic Standards Versus Setting Standards for Happiness

    51:20 Practice Having Real and Difficult Conversations

    01:04:48 The Importance of Communicating Your Thoughts and Feelings

    01:08:25 Is Your Partner the Right One for You?

    01:15:05 Dealing with the Different Phases of Heartbreak

    01:26:31 What’s Next for Matthew?    

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    7 Ways to Reduce the Time You Spend Overthinking & Make Better Decisions Quicker

    7 Ways to Reduce the Time You Spend Overthinking & Make Better Decisions Quicker

    How do you know when you're overthinking too much?

    How can you break the cycle of overthinking?

    Today, Jay will talk about the complexity of overthinking and how we can turn it around and look at things differently. Jay presents seven practical strategies to help listeners combat the grip of overthinking. These range from the psychological—to limit how many people's opinions we seek, preventing the confusion and indecision that too many perspectives can cause—to the physical, recommending activities that disengage the analytical brain and encourage mental reset, like exercise or simply moving around.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to use over thinking for problem-solving

    How to manage alarmed responses

    How to use physical movement for mental clarity

    How to focus on positives and small wins

    Don't let overthinking hold you back! Start implementing these strategies today and take control of your mental space.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    00:52 Has Overthinking Slowed You Down?

    07:53 The Science Behind Overthinking

    10:50 #1: Overthinking as a Problem-Solving Approach

    14:24 #2: Don’t Ask Too Many People For Their Opinion

    18:19 #3: Avoid Responding While You’re Feeling Alarmed

    19:17 #4: Move Your Body When Your Mind Is Stuck

    20:32 #5: Focus on the Good Thing and Small Wins

    22:05 #6: Spontaneous Drawings Relieve Psychological Stress

    24:23 #7: Go Back to Analog

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Orlando Bloom: 3 Reasons Why You Need to Allow Yourself to Make Mistakes & Shift Your Perspective on Fear

    Orlando Bloom: 3 Reasons Why You Need to Allow Yourself to Make Mistakes & Shift Your Perspective on Fear

    Do you stop yourself from making mistakes? 

    Do you want to shift your perspective on fear? 

    Today, let’s welcome the one and only Orlando Bloom. Orlando gained widespread fame for his roles in some of the most popular films including The Lord of the Rings trilogy and Pirates of the Caribbean series. He will be seen starring in Peacock's limited adventure docuseries, To The Edge, which he also produced. Off-screen, Orlando is known for his humanitarian efforts, including his work as a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador.

    Orlando shares insights from his life as an actor, adventurer, and someone deeply involved in spirituality. He talks about how meditation and mindfulness help him stay balanced despite the hectic nature of being a celebrity, his views on masculinity, the importance of embracing both masculine and feminine qualities, and striving for balance and introspection in life. We also get to hear stories about facing and overcoming fears, embracing vulnerability, and the lessons he's learned from these challenges. This episode isn't just about getting to know a renowned actor but diving into the personal journey of a man who is constantly looking for deeper meaning and connections in life.

    In this interview, you’ll learn:
    How to overcome fear
    How to maintain balance in a hectic life
    How to incorporate mindfulness into everyday activities
    How to explore and embrace different aspects of your personality
    How to use life's challenges as growth opportunities

    Tune in now for a discussion full of insights on overcoming fears, embracing spirituality, and pursuing personal growth.  

    With Love and Gratitude,
    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:
    02:28 Working in an Unscripted Space
    06:09 What’s Your Earliest Childhood Fear?
    08:35 Practicing Buddhism
    13:49 The Lotus Sutra
    20:16 The 8 Wins
    26:28 Trusting Your Life and Becoming Capable
    36:33 Being Present While on the Edge
    44:48 Any Moment Could Be Your Last
    45:43 The Deepest Mirror You’ll Ever Have
    48:58 What Did You Learn from Your Past Relationships?
    51:22 Introducing Buddhism Practice to My Kids
    55:33 Whatever You’re Saying, You Become
    01:02:22 Loving the Parenting Journey
    01:07:16 The Impacts of Your Decisions
    01:09:13 Opportunities Through Obstacles
    01:17:40 Buddhism Is My Anchor
    01:18:59 The Fear You’re Currently Overcoming
    01:26:04 Orlando Bloom on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    4 Ways to Know if It Is Time To End Your Relationship (When the Signs Are Not Clear and Things are Not Bad)

    4 Ways to Know if It Is Time To End Your Relationship (When the Signs Are Not Clear and Things are Not Bad)

    Do you find yourself often thinking about breaking up?

    Do you and your partner have unresolved conflicts that keep resurfacing?

    In this episode, Jay tackles the tough emotions and uncertainty many face when considering a breakup. He talks about why people stay in or leave relationships, touching on key factors like emotional closeness, personal investment, and the impact of family responsibilities. Jay also discusses how to ensure emotional security and the risks of staying for financial reasons or out of obligation. 

    In this episode you’ll learn:

    How to recognize emotional investment

    How to assess emotional security

    How to consider financial implications

    How to navigate emotional intimacy

    This honest conversation provides you with the insights to evaluate your relationship more clearly, helping you decide whether to work on it or move on, based on a deeper understanding of your feelings and the relationship's dynamics.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:10 When to End Your Relationship

    04:48 10 Reason Why People Stay in a Relationship

    12:44 Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Relationship

    18:14 The Three Cancers of the Mind

    24:44 Difference in Scorecard Perspective

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.