The role of attachment in love lives and the importance of self-love and healing after a breakup: By understanding attachment patterns and focusing on self-worth, we can make healthier choices in relationships and avoid getting attached too quickly. Take the time to know someone before fantasizing about a future with them.
Attachment plays a significant role in our love lives during our twenties and beyond. It is common for some of us to develop strong attachments to others, even after just a few dates, and project fantasies onto them. This can lead to unrealistic expectations and potential heartache. Liz, the host of the podcast "Date Yourself Instead," emphasizes the importance of self-love and healing after a breakup. By focusing on knowing ourselves and our worth, we can step into our power and make healthier choices in relationships. Understanding attachment patterns can help us avoid getting attached too quickly and ensure that we invest in the right people. It is essential to take the time to truly know someone before projecting a future with them.
Overcoming the Fear of Being Alone: A Guide to Building Genuine Relationships: Finding fulfillment in ourselves and being open to opportunities can lead to authentic and fulfilling relationships, free from attachment and fear.
Getting attached too quickly in relationships often stems from a place of fear and insecurity. When we feel alone or have a fear of being alone forever, we may latch onto the idea of someone without truly knowing who they are or if they are the right fit for us. This can lead to creating a fantasy version of the person, rather than falling in love with their true self. It is important to recognize that being single does not mean our lives lack meaning or happiness. We should understand that love and fulfilling relationships come when we are grounded, focused on ourselves, and open to opportunities, rather than actively seeking them out. Trusting in the process and allowing things to unfold naturally can lead to more genuine and successful connections.
Trusting the Process: Finding the Right Person for You: Set high standards, recognize red flags, and differentiate between attachment and love to attract genuine connections and find the person who reciprocates your love and energy.
Trusting the process and not settling for less than what we deserve is crucial in finding the right person for us. It's important to not overlook red flags or tolerate behavior that we wouldn't accept from our ideal partner. By knowing ourselves and setting high standards, we attract better options and genuine connections. It's vital to differentiate between attachment and love, as attachment can lead us to cling onto fantasies and potential rather than recognizing the reality of a situation. Relationships, even if they don't work out, teach us valuable lessons and bring us closer to finding the right person who will reciprocate our love and energy.
Finding True Love: Recognizing Compatibility and Breaking Unhealthy Patterns: Love should bring peace and calmness, not anxiety and uncertainty. Recognizing attachment patterns early on allows us to detach from unhealthy situations and seek genuine connections where we feel safe and secure.
Love shouldn't be filled with anxiety and uncertainty. It's easy to mistake excitement and chemistry for genuine attachment, but true compatibility brings peace and calmness. When we experience a sense of safety and ease with someone, it's a sign of a healthy connection. We often find ourselves attracted to people who make us anxious because of our attachment styles, but recognizing this pattern early on allows us to detach and remove ourselves from unhealthy situations. It's important to let go of the belief that love should always be intense and self-destructive. Instead, we should look for someone who genuinely wants to be with us and doesn't leave us questioning their feelings. If we find ourselves constantly wondering if someone likes us, it's a clear indication to walk away.
Taking control and ending toxic relationships to protect our self-worth.: Our time and emotions are valuable, and we should not waste them on someone who doesn't truly value us. It's important to detach ourselves and prioritize our own self-esteem and sense of self-value.
It's important to recognize the value of our time, energy, and emotions in relationships. Sometimes, we find ourselves getting too invested and trying to make things work with someone who continuously makes it difficult. We may detach ourselves, only to be manipulated back into the situation. This is a common scenario where people want us to hold on to them, even if they don't actually want us. We have to take control and cut the cord, realizing that our life, feelings, energy, and time are valuable and should not be wasted on someone who doesn't truly value us. It's not just about attachment, but also about our self-esteem and sense of self-value. We must not let someone else's actions determine our worth.
Protecting ourselves from toxic relationships through self-confidence.: Building self-confidence is crucial to avoid being taken advantage of and to attract healthier relationships.
When we have low self-esteem and are vulnerable, it becomes easier for people to take advantage of us in relationships. Sensitivity and a desire to see the good in others can make us latch onto people who may not value us the way we deserve. This can lead to insecurities and a loss of self-confidence. It is important to know our worth and have a strong self-concept to attract better people into our lives. It's unfair when someone damages our confidence and controls us for their benefit. These experiences become a part of us and are difficult to forget. Therefore, we must work on rebuilding and maintaining unbreakable self-confidence to protect ourselves from such situations.
Building Self-Worth and Finding Emotional Safety in Dating: Our worth is not determined by others and we should seek emotional maturity, respect, and consistency in relationships, prioritizing feeling wanted and emotionally safe. Don't settle for less.
Our worth should not be defined by how others treat us or value us. We should strive to become a fortress of self-love, self-worth, and confidence. There are millions of people out there who could treat us amazingly if we just give them a chance. Our worth remains the same regardless of where we are valued or the price others are willing to pay for us. In dating, it is important to recognize signs of emotional maturity and attachment worthiness. Look for someone who understands your emotions without explanation, respects your boundaries, and shows consistent interest and effort. Trust your gut instincts and prioritize feeling wanted and emotionally safe. Don't make excuses or convince yourself to settle for less.
Building a healthy relationship based on clear communication and consideration: Being wanted in a healthy relationship means finding someone who prioritizes your needs, communicates openly, and plans for a future together. It is possible and rewarding.
A healthy relationship is one where both partners make an effort to accommodate each other's needs and desires. It's important to be with someone who wants you on your own terms and doesn't only prioritize their convenience. A partner who truly values you will make time for you and show a sense of continuity in planning future activities together. This kind of clear communication and consideration helps alleviate anxiety about the relationship's stability and shows respect for your feelings. It may be surprising for some, especially those who have experienced less straightforward behavior in the past, but being wanted in a healthy, easy, and open way is possible and rewarding.
Gender Differences and Relationship Expectations: Society's expectations create a disparity in clarity between men and women when it comes to dating, but a healthy relationship requires equal investment and mutual pride in each other's happiness.
Men often have a clearer sense of what they want in a relationship compared to women. This is because they don't face the same societal pressures to settle down and can focus more on their career success and financial stability. Women, on the other hand, have been conditioned by society to believe that their worth is closely tied to being in a relationship. This imbalance can make it difficult for women to navigate dating and relationships with the same clarity as men. A key indicator of a healthy relationship is when both partners are proud to show each other off and are equally invested in each other's happiness. This sets a standard for future relationships - to find someone who will cheer for you and proudly proclaim your worth.
The dangers of rushing into relationships: Take time, trust your instincts, and prioritize self-growth before committing to a relationship.
Rushing into relationships and getting attached too quickly can lead to negative outcomes. It often clouds our judgment and puts undue pressure on both ourselves and the other person involved. Instead of settling for anyone just because we feel alone or societal pressures, it is important to take things slowly, listen to our gut instincts, and focus on our own self-concept and healing. By grounding ourselves and looking at relationships from a long-term perspective, we can avoid getting attached to someone who is not right for us. It is better to wait and direct our energy inwards, rather than diving into a relationship that will not go anywhere.
Harness the Power of Positive Affirmations and Emotional Independence: By practicing positive self-talk, setting behavioral intentions, and prioritizing emotional independence, you can improve your self-esteem, maintain a balanced sense of self, and choose healthier relationships.
Positive affirmations and changing your inner dialogue can have a significant impact on your behavior and the energy you give off. Speaking positively to yourself can improve your self-esteem and create a more balanced sense of self when faced with negativity. It's important to counteract the constant attempts to break down your sense of self-concept by practicing exaggerated self-affirmations. Setting behavioral intentions and writing down your nonnegotiables can help you maintain a rational and logical approach, especially in emotional situations. Additionally, it's crucial to sustain emotional independence and not rely on others for validation or to determine your mood. You have the power to choose who deserves to be in your life based on their actions, not just their words.
Emotional Wellness and Independence in Relationships: Recognize physical reactions and prioritize well-being when determining if a person is right for you. Listen to your body, love yourself, and avoid getting too attached too quickly.
Emotional wellness and independence are crucial in relationships. Recognizing when someone is making you feel physically ill or repulsed is a clear sign that they may not be good for you. Our bodies can react in unusual ways when we're around people who drain our energy. Sinus infections, for example, may be linked to emotional well-being. It's important to pay attention to these physical reactions as they may indicate that we're attached to the wrong person. Stress can also have a detrimental impact on our health, so it's vital to listen to our bodies and prioritize our own well-being. Moving forward, it's essential to love ourselves and avoid getting attached too quickly to someone who doesn't deserve it.
151. Stop getting attached too quickly ft. Lyss Boss
Lyss Boss explains how to avoid romanticizing relationships and take things slow with Date Yourself Instead podcast host and relationship expert Lyss Boss shares insights on avoiding fantasy bonding and how to truly get to know someone.
The Psychology of your 20s
238 Episodes
Recent Episodes from The Psychology of your 20s
244. 5 steps for creating a 'soft life'
The idea of a 'soft life' originated from a group of Nigerian influencers who chose the term to describe a way of living that was comfortable, joyful, minimised stress whilst prioritised self care and simple beauty, in comparison to hustle culture, burnout and urgency. In today's episode we are going to go through 5 practical tips to make this gentle life your reality, including:
- The 'Picture This' exercise
- The new way to approach your To Do list
- How to organically regulate your nervous system
- Creation over consumption
- Rethinking our ideas for success
I also have a special announcement at the beginning of the episode! Thank you again for all the support.
Preorder my book here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/755841/person-in-progress-by-jemma-sbeg/
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
243. Why having hobbies is so important
Your hobbies may be just as important as your friendships in your 20s. But whilst you may dedicate 10-15 hours a week to your friends, most of us can go a week or two without actually performing our hobbies. Why is that, and what is the consequence?In today's episode we break down the psychology of why our hobbies are so important, including:
- The debate around what makes a hobby
- How many hobbies do you actually need?
- How much time should you spend doing your hobbies?
- The Rule of Four for hobbies
- The psychological benefits
- The 3 major reasons we struggle to perform our hobbies
- How to find time, inspiration and motivation for your hobbies, and more
Listen now if you want to make more of your leisure time!
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
242. The psychology of maladaptive daydreaming
Daydreaming can be a perfectly normal part of life - zoning out in the shower, before we fall asleep, on the train to work. But some of us cross over into dangerous territory or what we call maladaptive daydreaming where we can't pull ourselves away from the fantasy. We feel disconnected and it makes our real life feel so much less bright and enjoyable. It can cause us a lot of distress and distraction. Why is that? And why can't we stop ourselves? In today's episode, we break down:
- What makes daydreaming 'maladaptive' or 'excessive'
- What are the signs + the 16 item scale for maladaptive daydreaming
- The impact on our emotional health
- Maladaptive daydreaming and creativity
- Maladaptive daydreaming, trauma, anxiety and OCD
- Is daydreaming a form of escapism?
- How to turn daydreaming into intentional visualisation
Thank you to our listeners who contributed their perspective. Happy listening!
The 16 item scale here: https://traumadissociation.com/mds
The Reddit help group: https://www.reddit.com/r/MaladaptiveDreaming/
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
241. Are we our own worst critic?
Sometimes the loudest critic, our biggest hater is not someone we know, it is ourselves. We are the ones who are the first to judge ourselves, to shut ourselves and our ambitions down, to say the nastiest things. In today's episode we break down why we are our own worst critic, including:
- How we learn self criticism in childhood
- The evolutionary component to criticism
- The role of the super ego
- The role of comparison
- Why no one is really looking at your that closely
- How to embrace radical self compassion and acceptance
- How to use cognitive diffusion, and much more
This episode is a rerun whilst Jemma is recovering from an illness. We will be back on Friday with a brand new episode.
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
240. Overcoming dating burnout
In our 20s it can feel like a mad rush to find the one. If you are single and dating, you know the experience of going on what seems like dozens of dates only to be disappointed and, at the end of the day, exhausted and yet you still haven't found someone. In this episode, we discuss why that is including:
- The signs your experiencing dating burnout
- What dating burnout and traditional burnout have in common
- The role of swipe based dating apps
- Why this occurs and the emotional impact
- The psychology of a 'dating detox'
- How to have FUN when dating and how to overcome dating burnout
Listen now if nothing seems to be working when it comes too feeling frustrated and exhausted when it comes to dating in your 20s.
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
239. What is the 'loneliest' chapter of our 20s?
At some stage in our 20s, all of us will experience what I call 'The Loneliest Chapter' - a period where we feel detached, disconnected and isolated. Whilst this experience can feel terrible and make us question our relationships, friendships and selves, it's an important rite of passage and actually ends up teaching us a lot. In today's episode we discuss:
- What is the 'lonely' chapter of our 20s?
- My personal journey with loneliness
- What are some signs you may be in it, right now?
- Why does this occur? What creates this period?
- How can we learn to tolerate and enjoy solitude?
- What are the benefits of loneliness?
- How can we make new friends and feel like we belong?
All of that, and more...
Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg
Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast
For business: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
238. High functioning codependency and caring too much ft. Terri Cole
237. The psychology of shame
236. How to make hard decisions
235. Right person, wrong time: fact or fiction?
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