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    • Discussing Childhood Trauma's ImpactChildhood trauma can have long-lasting impacts, seek support if needed, affordable dental care with Pronamel, and Canva for quick presentations.

      Taking care of our teeth is crucial as we only get one set, and Pronamel toothpaste and mouthwash can help repair acid-weakened enamel. Kroger brand products offer proven quality at affordable prices, making shopping a win. Canva presentations can help generate slides quickly for work presentations. Childhood trauma can have long-lasting impacts on our lives, and if you're dealing with such experiences, ensure you're in a safe space and reach out for support if needed. In this episode, we'll discuss childhood trauma in a clinical perspective, mentioning instances of physical and sexual abuse, violence, substance abuse, self-harm, and suicide. Remember, I'm not a clinical professional, so seek professional help if required. Trauma is a vast topic, and in this episode, we'll focus on its impact during childhood when we're most vulnerable.

    • Understanding the Impact of Childhood TraumaChildhood trauma can affect mental and physical health, relationships, values, and self-esteem. Healing comes from feeling safe, empowered, and supported.

      Childhood trauma, which can result from overwhelming experiences of danger, fear, and powerlessness, can have long-lasting impacts on mental and physical health, relationships, values, and self-esteem. Healing, however, comes from feeling safe, empowered, and supported. It's essential to understand how childhood trauma influences us and recognize its subtle effects. Trauma is a subjective experience, and not all traumatic events are the same. Resources like the DSM and the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study can provide more concrete definitions and insights into trauma. Remember, healing is possible, and it begins with understanding and empowerment.

    • DSM's Ambiguous Definition of TraumaThe DSM primarily focuses on PTSD for traumatic experiences, but trauma can come from various sources, and definitions like ACEs offer a more comprehensive understanding of trauma's impact on individuals.

      The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which is used by clinicians worldwide to diagnose and treat mental health conditions, does not have a clear definition of trauma and its different types. Instead, it primarily focuses on post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as an all-encompassing diagnosis for various traumatic experiences. However, it's important to note that trauma can come from various sources, including childhood neglect, bullying, and intergenerational trauma, not just major events like wars or accidents. Additionally, the DSM requires a singular traumatic event for a PTSD diagnosis, and symptoms must last for a month and interfere with multiple areas of life. As research on trauma continues to evolve, there are debates about whether the DSM's definition of trauma is too specific and outdated. New ways of describing trauma, such as adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), have emerged, focusing on the impact of childhood trauma on individuals' lives from childhood to adulthood. These definitions and categories are crucial for better understanding and addressing the complex nature of trauma.

    • Types and Effects of Childhood TraumaChildhood trauma includes personal, environmental, major, accumulating, vicarious, intergenerational, and collective experiences. It can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities.

      Childhood trauma comes in various forms and can have long-lasting effects. Personal traumas include emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, often from someone known to us. Environmental traumas involve witnessing family struggles or external events. Major traumas are one-off, significant incidents, while accumulating traumas, such as bullying or poverty, can build up over time. Trauma can occur throughout the lifespan, with examples including vicarious trauma, intergenerational trauma, and collective trauma. Intergenerational trauma is passed down through generations, while collective trauma affects large groups of people. It's important to remember that all types and degrees of trauma matter, as they can significantly impact individuals and communities.

    • Childhood trauma and its complex effectsChildhood trauma, including emotional neglect, can lead to complex responses, such as feelings of self-blame, powerlessness, freeze response, agitation, hyper-vigilance, and dissociation.

      Trauma is a complex and nuanced experience that can result from various events and experiences, not just those that lead to a PTSD diagnosis. Childhood trauma, particularly emotional neglect within family units, can be especially harmful due to children's strong attachment needs. Neglect and abuse in these situations can lead to complex trauma responses, including feelings of self-blame and powerlessness. Children's brains are highly malleable, and they may respond to traumatic events with a freeze response, leading to feelings of agitation, hyper-vigilance, and dissociation. It's important to recognize that anything that causes significant distress can be a traumatic event, and it's essential to validate and address these experiences.

    • Childhood trauma's impact on brain development and overall wellbeingChildhood trauma can lead to toxic stress, affecting brain development, sensitivity to future stress, and causing issues like depression, anxiety, substance abuse, dissociation, memory loss, identity problems, and relationship and work-related issues. Seeking help after traumatic events is crucial to prevent long-term problems.

      Childhood trauma can have profound and lasting impacts on our brains, bodies, and overall wellbeing. Trauma, particularly during childhood, can lead to toxic stress, which can affect brain development and sensitivity to future stress. This can result in issues like depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. Dissociation, a natural coping mechanism for psychological overwhelm, can also become a long-term issue, leading to memory loss, identity problems, and relationship and work-related issues. It's crucial to recognize these potential impacts and seek help in the aftermath of traumatic events to prevent long-term problems.

    • Childhood Trauma's Impact on Brain Development and RelationshipsChildhood trauma can negatively impact self-esteem, attachment styles, and brain development, leading to heightened fear responses, impaired memory, and abnormal brain development. It can also impact future relationships. Not all children who experience trauma will suffer these consequences, but support and resources are crucial for healing and resilience.

      Childhood traumas, including abuse, neglect, divorce, and death, can significantly impact a child's self-esteem, attachment styles, and brain development. These experiences can lead to heightened fear responses, impaired memory, and abnormal brain development. Trauma can also impact a child's ability to form healthy relationships in the future. However, it's important to note that not all children who experience trauma will suffer these consequences. Many people are able to overcome childhood trauma and live healthy, resilient lives. It's crucial to remember that trauma is not a positive experience and should not be romanticized as a necessary step towards resilience or emotional intelligence. Instead, we should focus on providing support and resources for those who have experienced trauma to help them heal and thrive.

    • Factors affecting the impact of childhood traumaIndividuals' responses to childhood trauma can vary based on neurological makeup, temperament, cultural background, caregivers' reactions, and trauma severity and nature.

      While childhood trauma can significantly impact individuals' lives, not everyone responds in the same way. Some factors that may contribute to more positive outcomes include an individual's neurological makeup and temperament, cultural background, and the reactions of caregivers or communities to the trauma. The severity, closeness, and nature of the trauma also play a role. For example, a serious trauma experienced at a young age, especially if it involves a caregiver, can have long-lasting effects. Conversely, minor traumas may have less impact, depending on the individual's developmental stage and support system. Ultimately, understanding these factors can help us better support individuals who have experienced childhood trauma and promote resilience.

    • Community Support Plays a Crucial Role in Coping with Childhood TraumaA supportive community can aid in recovery and reduce risks of disorders, while unsupportive responses can increase risks of PTSD, depression, anxiety, and dissociative disorders. Resilience, mastery, and social support are crucial in determining the outcome of a traumatic event.

      The impact of a traumatic event on an individual can vary greatly depending on their past experiences and the support they receive from their community. Those who have experienced significant trauma in the past may be better equipped to cope due to developed coping mechanisms, even if they are negative. On the other hand, individuals with no prior trauma experience may struggle more due to a lack of understanding and resources. The response from one's community plays a crucial role in the long-term effects of childhood trauma. A supportive community can reduce the risks of developing disorders and aid in recovery, while unsupportive responses can increase the risk of PTSD, depression, anxiety, and dissociative disorders. Additionally, factors such as resilience, mastery, and social support are crucial in determining the outcome of a traumatic event. Mastery, or the belief in one's ability to control their circumstances, can help individuals overcome trauma, while social support provides a protective factor against the negative effects of trauma.

    • Healing from childhood traumaEffective treatments like cognitive behavioral therapy and prolonged exposure can help individuals learn healthier ways to respond to triggers and traumatic memories, creating a safe and supportive environment is crucial in healing, and seeking professional help is important.

      While childhood trauma can have profound and lasting impacts on mental health, there are effective treatments and coping mechanisms available. Cognitive behavioral therapy, such as cognitive restructuring and prolonged exposure, can help individuals learn healthier ways to respond to triggers and traumatic memories. Prolonged exposure therapy, in particular, can teach individuals that they are no longer in danger when faced with reminders of past traumas, and can help them develop positive reactions instead. Creating a safe and supportive environment is also crucial in healing from trauma, and can help break the cycle of intergenerational trauma. If you have experienced childhood trauma, it's important to seek professional help and explore these treatment options.

    • Healing from Childhood Trauma and Celebrating DiversityDespite childhood trauma, the brain can heal and adapt with support, leading to fulfilling lives. Diversify routines by discovering Black-led products during Black History Month, and use tools like Canva's AI-powered presentations for efficient work.

      While childhood trauma can significantly impact a person's life, it doesn't define their future. The brain's ability to adapt and heal is remarkable, especially with the right support system and self-care practices in place. Trauma survivors can lead fulfilling and loving lives, just like anyone else. It's essential to remember that hope exists for the future, and seeking help from mental health professionals is a brave and important step towards healing. Furthermore, taking care of our physical health, such as our teeth, is crucial, as we only get one set. Using products like Pronamel toothpaste and mouthwash can help repair acid-weakened enamel. During Black History Month, Walmart is celebrating Black-led products and offering giveaways at select locations. It's an excellent opportunity to discover new products and diversify daily routines. Lastly, for those who work for themselves or need to create presentations quickly, tools like Canva's AI-powered presentations can be a game-changer. They generate captivating slides in seconds, allowing users to customize and create impressive presentations effortlessly.

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    Alright, let’s dive in!

    I really wanted to talk about why it’s never too late, for ANYTHING! When we are really struggling in any area of our lives, we can feel hopeless, helpless, stuck. We can get trapped in our own thoughts, they can cycle through the same things over and over again. Lather, rinse, repeat! I used to have 4 things that bounced around in my head constantly relating back to my traumas: Fear, anger, rejection, failure. With these thoughts cycling in the background of my brain all of the time, it was natural that I acted or REACTED accordingly. My environment also reflected these things. I ended up in jobs that fostered an environment of secrecy, punishment, power control, mind games, they were totally toxic. My relationships were all over the place too. I felt like I was frantically dogpaddling as fast as I could just to keep my head above water, but I was still drowning. I just didn’t see it. That chaos in our minds can spill over into every area of our lives. I pivoted so many times trying to make things better for myself, but I was doing so within these chaotic environment. I tried to remake, redo, reinvent myself so that I would be a better employee, friend, whatever the situation. I was trying to make everyone else happy, everyone except myself! I was miserable and couldn’t understand what was wrong with ME? No matter how hard I tried, it just wasn’t working.

    What I learned over my life was that it is never too late to change, to reinvent yourself, to start over. However, the key is that you have to do it for YOURSELF, not anyone else! That’s where the psychology of hope comes into play. Hope is a powerful thing. Hope is the reason we hang on to the “why.” The why is meaning, our purpose, our reason for existing. Just going through our days, especially tough ones, we are hopeful that tomorrow will be better. It can be, you can make it that way!

    With all of our traumatic experiences, life has taught us many difficult lessons. We get to the point where we don’t expect any better, we don’t feel better no matter what we seem to do. We are tired of trying, of starting over. Hope is that little voice inside of us that keeps us putting one foot in front of the other. We keep going in spite of it all. When we want to quit, somehow we keep moving. It’s pretty amazing actually that we do go on, some people don’t. Some people do stop living, stop going on. 

    I believe that each one of us was put on this earth for a reason. Every one of us has a purpose, something we were born to do. It’s hard finding out what that is with so much chaos, and awfulness inside of our minds, however. Sometimes we really do have to hit rock bottom before we are forced to make a change. I have been at rock bottom so many times in my life. I think the most pivotal moment of rock bottom was being homeless and hungry, with no place to go. That feeling of having no way out, no way forward is absolutely gut wrenching. That time in my life set me on the path to where I am now. It has been a very long road, with lots of missteps, bad choices, more trauma, but I learned. I was so low, that I decided to take a chance on a completely new path starting with my taking a job at a small rural domestic violence shelter in Ohio where I’m from. I needed a job, any job, I applied for it and got it. This was the beginning of me finding my passion, my drive in helping others. That little voice of hope kept me going, kept me trying. That rock bottom also a year later catapulted me into a cross county move with my son Ryan and his friend Kevin. The boys wanted to go to a specific school in Phoenix. My son casually mentioned that I should come too! I was stopped completely for a moment, I froze, as I thought about it. I’m almost 50, could I do it could I make that drastic of a change? Then, on the heels of that thought was “why not?” What have I got to lose? It was like a lightening bolt hit me! So, we got rid of literally almost everything we owned. We saved up between us a decent amount of money, not a lot, but we thought it would at least get us there! We left in December, a week before Christmas. We had 2 cars, in my small car were my 2 large dogs and in the trunk some clothes and some family keepsakes. In the boy’s car they had some personal stuff along with a motorcycle in the trunk. That was it! It was 3 full days of driving; it was quite a trip! We made it to Phoenix, and I remember all of us standing outside of our hotel room just staring at a palm tree! We were amazed and felt like we’d arrived on a completely different planet. The very next day, we found a house to rent, and we moved in immediately! We spent the next 5 days with no electricity or water and the utility offices were closed because of the holiday. We celebrated Christmas by standing around a small candle Kevin had put on the seat of his motorcycle still stunned that we were actually there, we made it! We’re still here over 10 years later! We have all become fairly successful, but not without a lot of bumps along the way. Am I exactly where I want to be in life right now? Nope! Do I see more growth and change on the horizon? Yes!! At almost 60, I still have things I want to do, new things to get accomplished!

    My message to you is that you don’t have to wait to hit rock bottom to make a change! Is it scary? Hell yes! Is the outcome uncertain? Absolutely! Is it worth it? Yes! I don’t suggest you do things the way we did, I think we got incredibly lucky. Or maybe it was designed perfectly, who knows? The biggest factor is having a desire to do things differently, to do things in a new way. We know that things aren’t working the way we want them to in our lives. We aren’t well, or happy, or fulfilled in what we are doing. We  might daydream about what we really want, see ourselves in a dream life, an amazing career, living in a different place, doing amazing things! Who says that can’t be a reality for us? Who says that we can’t have all of those things? WE DO! We tell ourselves it’s ridiculous, it isn’t possible, stop hoping for the impossible. Listen closely to this because it’s really important: The only limits we have on our lives are the limits we set for ourselves in our minds! It’s true! 

    While trauma has affected us deeply, and terribly, in order to survive, we throw up barriers and walls. Those barriers we throw up as protection, as safeguards against hurt, pain, and disappointment we have created ourselves in our minds! Trauma has taught us to be scared, to feel powerless, to not take chances. We’ve been hurt and disappointed so often in our lives, we have mentally built a steel cage around ourselves. It’s padlocked tight, we’ve stayed in it and thrown away the key! It keeps everything that could possibly hurt us out, it’s true. But it also keeps us locked inside, trapped. We limit ourselves to what is immediately around us in that cage. We lock ourselves in with all of our pain and hurt because that’s what we know! We shut ourselves away from new possibilities, new opportunities, new experiences. We miss out on so much in life. Without that key, without the will to get ourselves out of that cage, we are trapped in a prison of our own creation. So, we might potentially be safe, but at what cost?

    We need to really take a good honest and open look at ourselves and where we are. What are the limiting beliefs we have created around ourselves that are keeping us stuck? When we dream about what we really want, what do we see? Where are we and what are we doing? Is there one thing that keeps coming up to the front of your mind over and over again, something you really want? Your inner voice of hope is calling to you. You need to listen more closely to it, because it’s telling you it’s time to do things differently.  It’s time to retrieve that key and step out of that cage you’ve built into something new, something you want, something that speaks to who you really are as a person. Not what others tell you to do or how to be. This is you and only you. You have the key; you just have to use it! Does it have to be a drastic life altering all at once change? No, it doesn’t! You can start small, like we always talk about, with those baby steps forward. Just the idea of change is scary for us, but we can plan a bit in order to make it less overwhelming and make it feel more real, more doable. It’s uncomfortable and steeping out of our comfort zone feels terrifying, I get it! I’m still scared so much too, but the more I learn, the more I try things, the more confidence I have in myself and what I can do. If we try something, and it doesn’t work, it’s a learning experience nothing more. It’s not a failure or that you lack any abilities, it just wasn’t the right thing for you, and that’s okay. We have to re-learn how to be curious, like when we were children. We are born curious about everything that’s the way a child learns. I am constantly wondering about things, so I am often looking things up, researching, and learning, and I love it!  We can stop and say to ourselves “I’m curious about______”  “I wonder about ______?” “What would happen if I tried ____?” “If I try something and it doesn’t work out, what’s the worst that could happen?”  All of these questions can lead to a new understanding of what we want, what we’d like to learn about. We have choices, we really do. While we didn’t choose what happened to us, we can choose to move forward now.  We can chose new ways to learn, grow, and heal. We’ll get there together, I promise! I’m learning right along with you!

    So, this is where I like to close us out with a new exercise that we can add to that “mindfulness” toolbox we’re building together! Remember, you don’t have to do this now, or at all if you don’t want to, but you might just listen and tuck it away in your mind for future reference.

    This is a writing exercise. We are going to try and identify one small thing we can do to create change. If you’d like to try this with me, please get a notebook, a piece of paper, even a sticky note and a pen or pencil. You could even type it out in a word doc if you like. Whatever way you participate is fine, as long as it works for you, that’s what matters.

    I’d like to invite you to find a place that’s quiet, calm, and as free from distractions as possible. If you’d like you could light some candles, put on some quiet calming music, burn some incense, or use some of your favorite essential oils on the palms of your hands. Breath in the scent. Remind yourself that you are in a safe space, you are safe in this moment, in the now.

    We always start with our mindful belly breathing. Breathe slowly in through your nose, your belly naturally pushing out as you inhale, to a count of 5. Hold your breath for a count of 1. Then slowly exhale out of your mouth, your belly should naturally move in as you exhale, to a count of 5. Do this five times.

    We are going to explore ways to build hope in ourselves. We are going to be curious and ask ourselves some things that can help move us forward.

    1.       We talked about daydreaming, and how you see yourself in your “dream life.” When you see yourself in that best spot, that perfect space, what is it you are doing? If you had a magic wand and could magically transport yourself there, what is that perfect thing, place, or state of being you see for yourself? Write that out, what is it that you ultimately want for yourself?

    2.       Then, what would it take for you to get there? How would you get from “point A” to “point B?” The “how” of it isn’t important, rather, focus on the feelings. As you take steps towards this goal, how would that make you feel? Write out all of the feelings you can identify.

    3.       Next, think about a time from your past where you did something, and you were successful at it. Ask yourself these questions and write out your answers:

    a.       What did I accomplish?

    b.       Did I do my best?

    c.       What could I have done differently?

    d.       What did I learn?

    e.       How can I use this lesson as a way to grow?

    4.        Think about and create a  “what-if” plan. We can plan for things like obstacles, and we can also plan for success. Both can be scary, but having steps in place to prepare can help us. Ask yourself:

    a.       What happens if this doesn’t work out the way I had envisioned it? What then?

    b.       What happens if this works out as close to or exactly as I had envisioned it? What then?      

    5.       When you feel self-defeating, limiting, or negative self-talk come up (Your inner critic), how can you “flip the script”  in your mind? For example, when you think of all of the things that could go wrong with your plan to create change, ask yourself instead, what could go right? What is one statement you could create for yourself, to replace a negative thought with a more positive one? Write that out, keep it handy so whenever that negative thought pops up, you have your plan your statement ready to challenge it!

    As with all new things this takes work and practice, no magic wand unfortunately! But you can do this, you’ve got this! We will support each other every step of the way, cheering each other on!

    I hope this exercise was something you found helpful, and it’s more tools to add to our “mindful” toolbox that we’re building together. Whenever you need to go to that toolbox and pull out any skill, we’ve learned in order to feel more grounded, safe, and connected, do it!! I have created a list of all of the techniques and exercises we’ve learned on my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com and will add to it as we go along. I’ve also put each exercise to beautiful video and music on my YouTube Channel Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma! Please subscribe if you like what you see and hear!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today, and please keep on listening! Wherever you listen, please like, subscribe, favorite, follow me, and again share widely! What you think really matters to me too, so comment on the show, what you think, whatever’s on your mind. You can find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com.

    Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all of your favorite podcasts, music, and listening apps! Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon!

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 32: How Practicing Gratitude Can Change Your Life!

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 32: How Practicing Gratitude Can Change Your Life!

    Hey there, it’s Kerri! Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma. This is episode 32 and we’re going to talk about practicing gratitude, and how it can make significant changes in our lives! 

    I’m so glad that we’re walking the path towards healing together! 

    So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma and Resiliency Life Coach, a Certified Trauma Support Specialist, Advocate, and someone with lots of lived experience with trauma. Also, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and not meant to replace treatment by a doctor or any other licensed professional.   

    Alright, let’s dive in! 

    I wanted to share with you the experience of practicing gratitude. It has really begun to change my life in so many ways. There is science behind the benefits of it, and there is a way to practice it so that it “sticks” in our traumatized brains! 

    The word gratitude comes from the Latin word gratia which, depending on how it’s used, means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness. Gratitude involves all of these things. Gratitude is being thankful and having an appreciation for what an individual has, receives, or experiences. We acknowledge the “goodness” in our lives. We can acknowledge and be grateful for ourselves too, what we’ve overcome, accomplished, and survived! This in turn can open us up to connecting outside of ourselves: connecting us to things bigger than ourselves, be it other people, nature, the environment, or even a “higher power.”  

    Positive psychology shows that practicing gratitude has a strong and consistent effect on being happier. Expressing gratitude helps us feel more positive emotions, we can remember and be grateful for our experiences. This can help us be healthier, get through challenges in a better way, and help build stronger relationships.  

    While for many, you can get a rush of joy or happiness after something really good happens, gratitude is acknowledging and being grateful for the small things, things that we often overlook. Things like the sun on our face, drinking a glass of water, a chat with a friend, the feel of your softest comfiest clothes on your skin, the smell of rain. Ther are so many small things that have an impact on us every day that we can be grateful for. 

    Now, I’m not saying this is easy! It isn’t! When we are stuck in that negative “doom loop” of thoughts that trauma constantly reinforces, it’s a hard habit to begin to break. Actually, even without trauma, everyone’s brain is initially primed this way! The human brain gives more “weight” to negative things. We tend to pay more attention to negative things, learn more from negative outcomes, and make decisions based on negative information and experiences rather than positive ones! The “bad things” that grab our attention and stick to our memories. Crazy, right? It can affect our motivation: We tend to think about what we might lose or have to give up in pursuing a goal, rather than what we will gain. Interestingly, research has shown that negative news is more likely to be seen as “truthful.” It garners more attention so it can “feel” more accurate. All of this is referred to as “negativity bias.” Researchers believe that this is likely due to evolution. Earlier in human history, paying attention to things that were negative, bad, and dangerous was literally a matter of life and death! Those people that paid attention to the negative things were less likely to take risks and therefore have a better chance at survival. This also means that these genes could be passed on to future generations! So, our brain is trying to do its job and keep us safe.  

    Research also suggests that this negativity bias starts when we are very small. While infants respond positively to their caretaker's facial expressions, tone of voice, etc., this changes at about a year old. Babies at this age begin to experience greater brain responses to negative things. So, negativity can be seen as genetic or hereditary and add traumas on top of that, it’s no wonder why we tend to see everything through a “glass half empty” viewpoint rather than the “glass half full!” So, for example you are so dreading going to work on Monday, that you don’t get to appreciate your weekend. Or you might be having a good day and one negative comment from another person “ruins” your whole day and you spend your time focused on that negative comment. As trauma survivors, many of us have that “all or nothing” thinking. So, it’s either all good or all bad, there is nothing in between. One small thing can derail us and keep us stuck. So how do we even begin to create gratitude practices when we are up against so much? 

    As always, we start small, one step at a time. When I first started my practice, every day mentally I would say inwardly “I’m grateful for my family, friends, and my pets.” There! I had practiced gratitude! Over time, I wondered why it didn’t help, why wasn’t it working? In researching a bit more, I found that there were ways to practice gratitude in a deeper way, to help connect it to my “soul” to make it stick! Gratitude is like a muscle that you can build, make stronger. We have to find ways to “flip the script” and change our automatic negative responses. Even negative things can have a positive element to them, we just have to look for it.  

    Say a friend cancels a planned outing you had with them at the last minute that you were really looking forward to. Your brain might jump to “they don’t really like me, or like spending time with me, they always do this” etc. Instead, you might acknowledge your disappointment but instead say to yourself “they must have needed to take some time for themselves, and I’m glad they feel that they are safe to do this with me.”  “I’ll be there for them when they need me.” “We can always reschedule.” Say you get a flat tire. Instead of thinking of all of the negatives associated with it, you could be grateful that you have a job to help pay for the repairs or be grateful that you have friends or family that will come to help you or drive you home. If rain spoils your planned picnic, remember that there will always be sunny and fair days to do it again. Be glad for the life-giving rain. Have your picnic indoors instead!  

    When we focus on the positive rather than the negative, we get a release of “feel good” chemicals in our brains called serotonin and dopamine. These are associated with greater happiness and pleasure. Thinking this way also reduces our stress hormones which can lead to less anxiety and boost your mood! As this positive “domino effect” continues, it can reduce symptoms of depression, anxiety, panic, etc. So, we might sleep better, focus a bit more, create self-esteem, and be more patient not only with others, but with ourselves. We find “glimmers” or threads of things throughout our daily lives we can be grateful for. It isn’t a magic wand, it won’t fix everything, but it is a positive first step in creating better things in our healing journey. So, we begin by being mindful, practicing being present in the now Go back through your “mindfulness toolbox” and practice anything we’ve learned together or find something YOU have found that works for you in order to be more present. Then create a gratitude practice plan My plan is that I practice my gratitude routine in the morning every day, while I’m having my coffee in bed. It sets the tone for my entire day! It does take some time, effort, and intention. Remember we are trying to change those well-worn pathways into new healthier ones. We learn, we acknowledge, we re-direct our thoughts, and we create change we need!  

    So, this is where I like to close us out with a new exercise that we can add to that “mindfulness” toolbox we’re building together! Remember, you don’t have to do this now, or at all if you don’t want to, but you might just listen and tuck it away in your mind for future reference. 

    This is a writing exercise. We are going to create a gratitude plan. If you’d like to try this with me, please get a notebook, a piece of paper, even a sticky note and a pen or pencil. You could even type it out in a word doc if you like. Whatever way you participate is fine, as long as it works for you, that’s what matters.  

    I’d like to invite you to find a place that’s quiet, calm, and as free from distractions as possible. If you’d like you could light some candles, put on some quiet calming music, burn some incense, or use some of your favorite essential oils on the palms of your hands. Breath in the scent. Remind yourself that you are in a safe space, you are safe in this moment, in the now.  

    We always start with our mindful belly breathing. Breathe slowly in through your nose, your belly naturally pushing out as you inhale, to a count of 5. Hold your breath for a count of 1. Then slowly exhale out of your mouth, your belly should naturally move in as you exhale, to a count of 5. Do this five times. 

    1. First, decide when you will practice your gratitude plan It can be anytime you choose but consider starting out your mornings this way. It really can start your day off in a wonderful way. 

    1. Think of what “tools” you will need for your practice. Writing is really important and empowering. Get a notebook, or even if you’d like, a dedicated special journal to write in daily. Get a writing implement you like; I like to use gel pens Whatever you use doesn’t have to be expensive or “flashy” it has to feel right for you. If you’d like to use an app, there are lots out there. However you do it, it needs to speak to you and your heart.  

    1. Place your notebook, or journal, and pen or pencil where it is easy to get to. I have mine right on my nightstand so I can get it and start writing in the morning when I am ready. If you are doing this on your computer, use whatever format is comfortable for you whether it’s word, acrobat, or any other tool.  

    1. Start out by identifying three things you are grateful for. Remember, this is going to reflect what YOU appreciate, no matter how small It might seem. If things don’t come to you right away, sit with it for a bit, and surrender to the moment. It will come. Whatever it is that you appreciate, write those out. You may have days where you write out what you are grateful for, and you won’t “feel” it but do it anyway. When that gratitude does come up, feel it in every fiber of your being. You could put your hand on your heart, feel that life, that feeling of thankfulness.  

    1. Bring gratitude mindfully into your day. Take time to stop a moment, breathe and think “I am grateful.” Take that moment to connect with gratitude, the fact that you ARE grateful and are working towards good and positive changes in your life, knowing that it will spill over into all parts of your life.  

    1. Below are lots of journaling prompts you can use daily. After identifying what we are grateful for, we can go deeper into what these things bring to us, what they mean to us, and how they make us feel. We can begin to be creative with our answers and descriptions. We can flex and strengthen that gratitude muscle.  

                  Journal Prompts 

    The more we practice, the more we open up our minds and hearts to what we DO have rather than what we don’t. Even in the darkest of times, we can find something to “anchor” us, something we can be grateful for. I remember in my most desperate times, I can look back now and be grateful for my body, that it kept me alive, and going in spite of everything. I am grateful that even in those most awful moments, when I wanted to give up, that small quiet voice within me refused to quit. I still have to challenge my thinking every day, re-direct my thoughts. But it’s really working, slowly, one step at a time. If I can get better, so can you! We are doing this together, and we’ll get there I promise, just don’t stop. Even if all you write is “I am grateful, I am writing in my gratitude journal” 3 times, that’s okay.  

    I hope this exercise was something you found helpful, and it’s more tools to add to our “mindful” toolbox that we’re building together. Whenever you need to go to that toolbox and pull out any skill, we’ve learned in order to feel more grounded, safe, and connected, do it!!  I’ve put each exercise portion of my podcast episode to beautiful video and music on my YouTube Channel Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma! Please subscribe if you like what you see and hear! 

    Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today, and please keep on listening! Wherever you listen, please like, subscribe, favorite, follow me, and again share widely! What you think really matters to me too, so comment on the show, what you think, whatever’s on your mind. You can find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com. 

    Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all of your favorite podcasts, music, and listening apps! Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon! 

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 30: What is Mindfulness Really About?

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 30: What is Mindfulness Really About?

    Hey there, it’s Kerri! Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma. This is episode 30 and we’re going to talk about what mindfulness really is, and why it’s so important!

    I’m so glad that we’re walking the path towards healing together!

    So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma and Resiliency Life Coach, a Certified Trauma Support Specialist, Advocate, and someone with lots of lived experience with trauma. Also, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and not meant to replace treatment by a doctor or any other licensed professional. 

    Alright, let’s dive in!

    Mindfulness is a term we hear everywhere. Mindfulness meditation, being “mindful,” practice mindfulness. Just what does being mindful mean anyway? What does that look like and feel like?

    For a bit of background, mindfulness originated from ancient eastern, Buddhist, and Hinduist philosophy as far back as 2500 years ago! The term comes from the Buddhist concept of “Sati” which relates to the “moment to moment awareness of present events.” However, the more modern translation of “Sati” came in 1881 when Thomas Williams Rhys Davids, a Briton in Sri-Lanka, identified that mindfulness was the closest translation to the meaning of the concept of “Sati.” Although practiced widely in the East, it didn’t really become a “thing” here in the West until the 1970’s. Mindfulness first appeared in the United States because of Jon Kabat-Zinn, a professor of medication emeritus and creator of the Stress Reduction Clinic and the Center of Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. Kabat-Zinn first learned about the philosophical tenets of Buddhism while studying at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. In 1979, Kabat-Zinn opened the Stress Reduction Clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. There, he adapted Buddhist teachings and created a program called “Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction,” or MBSR. This program put MBSR into a scientific framework and diluted the connection between Buddhism and mindfulness. But it still wasn’t until 1990 that his publication of “Full Catastrophe Living” brought global attention to his work. Since then, awareness and practice of mindfulness continued to grow. That’s your history lesson for today!

    Also, practicing mindfulness does not mean meditation! That’s one way to practice it, but by no means the only way! If you mediate and love it, that’s wonderful! For many of us with trauma histories, meditation can be extremely difficult. Trying to sit quietly with our thoughts in our head is typically something we avoid like the plague! We are already in our own heads enough, we sure as hell don’t want to go there on purpose!

    For me, learning about mindfulness began in learning about Trauma-Informed Care. I talk about that principle in different ways in almost every podcast. It’s “What happened to you” as opposed to “what’s wrong with you?” It’s the whole brain-body connection in experiencing trauma, our environment, our past learning histories, genetics, everything that has shaped us into the being we are right now. We’ve learned that in experiencing trauma, it affects how our brain wires itself, how our nervous system is always “on” scanning for danger, even when there is no present danger. That constant flood of chemicals throughout our brains and bodies, getting us ready for “Fight, flight, or freeze” prepares us for danger. Even though we aren’t in danger in the moment, our brain tells us we are. That’s one reason why so many of us have different mental health issues including anxiety and panic! We always wonder why our anxiety and panic levels can just suddenly come up out of nowhere, often without reason! I’m home, sitting, relaxing, watching TV, suddenly a panic attack hits! Our brain is doing what it’s supposed to, trying to keep us safe, we just have to find ways to shut off that constant threat mode, and remind it that it’s okay, we aren’t in danger right now thank you very much!

    Mindfulness is firstly awareness. It’s being aware: Aware of your surroundings, awareness of that moment, awareness of your breath, sounds, physical, mental, and emotional sensations. As survivors of trauma, our brains are almost always either in the past, or in the future. We can be flooded with memories of things, people, places, events, in which we were hurt. Sometimes they are just fragments of things, things we aren’t even really conscious of, but they’re there. Then we can be constantly worried about what’s going to happen next! Next could be the next minute, hour, day, week, month year, the rest of our lives, we worry about it all. So, we are either ahead or behind, but not really “here” in the now, in this moment. Our thoughts swirl around in our brains and that keeps us distracted, unfocused, not able to really to think clearly. We often try to distract ourselves by mindlessly scrolling through social media, YouTube, or online games. It’s avoidance, we are avoiding dealing with it all!  I do it too and I think of gathering my thoughts like trying to “herd cats” very difficult….but not impossible! In my very earliest episodes, when describing what trauma does to our brains and bodies, especially when we experience them in childhood, but it can happen at any age, our brain reverts to survival mode only. It shuts down everything but our basic survival functions. So, our heart beats faster, our breath comes quicker, our blood pressure goes up, our muscles tense up,  we are ready to respond to danger. Our brain shuts down the “thinking” part of the brain called the pre-frontal cortex that’s responsible for things like language, memory, impulse control, learning, logic, and reasoning. So, you really can only react to things, you can’t think things through, can’t question, can’t be logical. Mindfulness can begin by being aware that this is what is happening to us. Then we can plan to take some next steps in order to “flip the script” and become more aware of ourselves in the process.

    To begin with, it’s okay to slow down or stop. It’s okay to pause, to take a break, to be still. It’s actually more than okay it’s very necessary! We can’t go full tilt boogie physically and/or mentally all of the time, at some point, the machinery will break down, then we are often sick, physically, or otherwise. We have to begin to realize that we are living beings that need care. We are physical beings, living organisms that need more than just the basics to get by. We need more than just air, water, and food. Our brains and bodies are designed to do, learn, adapt, grow, and thrive: we can do amazing things! We are not here to just “get by” or just “get through” our days. We need to feed ourselves with new things, new challenges, new  opportunities to learn, and grow. We also thrive on connection to others; we really aren’t meant to

     

    spend our days alone. However, our traumatic experiences have altered how we see not only ourselves, but how we see the world around us. We’ve been in survival mode so long; we don’t know any other way. Anything we DON’T know or anything new is scary, we’ve learned to be afraid of anything challenging because we don’t believe in our abilities to be able deal with things. So, we don’t try, don’t take a chance. Our world becomes smaller and smaller and that just feeds into our feelings that something is “wrong” with us, why aren’t we like other people? Why do we struggle so much? Why can’t we just “be happy?” on and on it goes…

    Nothing changes overnight, boy I wish it did! We can’t change long-term, well-worn, habitual patterns overnight. Mindfulness begins with awareness, awareness of this moment. In this moment, if there is no real danger present, we are safe. We can practice breathing techniques, grounding exercises, and other mindful activities. For example, anything we do can be a mindfulness activity. Eating can be mindful. Many of us eat on the go, bolting down our food quickly, eating on “autopilot.” We often don’t make good food choices and can stress eat. That is totally me! I have bolted down my food for years. As a kid I didn’t want to have any part of my toxic family dinnertime! As I worked my first jobs, I was a waitress, shoving food in during a short break. Those habits kept on throughout my life. And stress eating? Hell yes! Food has always been my first line of comfort. So, to change this, think about planning a meal that’s good and nourishing for your mind and body. Prepare this meal with some excitement, thinking about how good this is for you. Plan to sit for this special meal you’ve created away from distractions. Turn off the TV, put away your phone. When you sit down for this special meal, you might think about appreciating this food and all of the things that made it possible.  As you are eating, eat slowly, chew thoroughly. Think about how your food tastes to you, think about all of the healthy nutrients as warm light spreading throughout your brain and body, nourishing every part of your being. You can elevate the experience of food to a whole new positive level! Another simple mindful activity is washing your hands. When you wash your hands, as you rub the soap over them, through your fingers,, feel the temperature of the water, how does it feel? Feel the connection of your hands rubbing together, connect to that feeling. Do this for about a minute to really bring that awareness to your mind. Literally anything we do can be made into mindfulness moments. When we shift awareness from those autopilot behaviors into this moment, into the “now” we create new neural pathways in our brains. We can see so many things more clearly, we can learn how to regulate or calm ourselves in so many ways. We can take these moments and be grateful that we are building new habits, new ways to see ourselves. It really makes such a difference in our healing process; I’d say it’s the first and most important step we can take for ourselves!

    As with everything else, it takes effort, practice, and intention. It’s a new goal we can set for ourselves, but we have to actually DO it, build it into our daily lives. I know that when we are struggling, everything feels like it takes too much energy, we just don’t have it. I feel that way so much! But we already know that the way things are going right now in our lives, aren’t working for us. We are looking to make changes or are at least thinking about it. So why not give something small, something doable, something simple a try? We have to start somewhere, sometime, someway, with something! So why not here, now, today, with one small thing you can try to being to practice mindfulness? It’s not going to hurt anything, it doesn’t have to cost anything, and it’s not that you have to change your entire life now, just

     

    something small, simple, and relatively easy to do. We take those baby steps forward, one tiny step at a time to create a new habit. After you practice it over time, it becomes a normal part of your routine. Then you can add in something else, so on and so on. It’s a pain in the butt to begin with but it is so worth it!

    So, this is where I like to close us out with a new exercise that we can add to that “mindfulness” toolbox we’re building together! Remember, you don’t have to do this now, or at all if you don’t want to, but you might just listen and tuck it away in your mind for future reference.

    This is a writing exercise. We are going to try and identify one small thing we can do and do it mindfully. If you’d like to try this with me, please get a notebook, a piece of paper, even a sticky note and a pen or pencil. You could even type it out in a word doc if you like. Whatever way you participate is fine, as long as it works for you, that’s what matters.

    I’d like to invite you to find a place that’s quiet, calm, and as free from distractions as possible. If you’d like you could light some candles, put on some quiet calming music, burn some incense, or use some of your favorite essential oils on the palms of your hands. Breath in the scent. Remind yourself that you are in a safe space, you are safe in this moment, in the now.

    We always start with our mindful belly breathing. Breathe slowly in through your nose, your belly naturally pushing out as you inhale, to a count of 5. Hold your breath for a count of 1. Then slowly exhale out of your mouth, your belly should naturally move in as you exhale, to a count of 5. Do this five times.

    Think about the different areas of your life. You could break these out in the following types for example:

    Physical, mental, emotional, environmental, social, financial, spiritual, personal growth, education, career, relationships, creative life, community, there can be many kinds. It depends on you and what you think is important.

    1.       Write down what you feel the different areas in your life are. If you only want to write down one or two, that’s perfectly okay.

    2.       Next, look at the different areas that you’ve written down. As you read through them, think about the importance of each one as it relates to YOU and your life, and what’s important to you, not what you think others would WANT you to choose as important. Write down your top two or three areas. If you only wrote one down, and that feels the most important right now, that’s your list.

    3.       As you look at this shorter list, look at what you wrote out as your most important area, the one that matters to you most right now. What part does this area play in your life? Write that out, any ideas, thoughts, feelings, you have about what this area in your life involves.

    4.       Thinking a bit more about this, and what you’ve written, does this area of your life impact or involve another person? If so, write out who it is, and how they are impacted by this area of your life?

    5.       Next, what is one thing you would like to see change in this area of your life? What would you like to have happen differently?

    6.       If this change to this area of your life were to happen, what effect would it have on you personally? Would you be less stressed, less anxious, more settled? Would it even bring you a bit of happiness, some joy, more connection? Would you feel more positive, a bit healthier, like you had a bit of control over your life and its direction?

    7.       Next, what is one small thing you can do, that is within your control to do, to take some action in beginning to bring this change from your paper to reality? Something that isn’t overwhelming, a small first step.

    8.       Finally, how will you bring this small step into your daily life? What time of day will you do this? How will you hold yourself accountable for making sure you’ve done this daily? For example, you can set reminders in your calendar on your phone or computer, use a task list with reminders, or even choose a friend or family member to be your “accountability buddy.” Remember, this should not feel like a punishment, just be a way to have some checks and balances in place to ensure that you are successful. It helps us to have a framework that’s supportive while we are building new habits.

    Whatever you choose to work on, small consistent efforts daily bring about long term and lasting change. You’ll have some days where it works, and others that it doesn’t and that’s okay. If you have an off day, just pick up the next day and get right back to it. Doing it consistently is the key, that’s how we learn, grow, and get healthier. If you need to change your approach, or times of day, or anything you need to in order to make it easier, do it, just don’t quit. Keep doing it. When we stop, we go back to being frozen, stuck, unable to move. We have to take action in order to make things better for ourselves, unfortunately, no one can do it for us. We have to actively participate in our OWN rescue. We’ll get there together,  I promise!

    I hope this exercise was something you found helpful, and it’s more tools to add to our “mindful” toolbox that we’re building together. Whenever you need to go to that toolbox and pull out any skill, we’ve learned in order to feel more grounded, safe, and connected, do it!! I have created a list of all of the techniques and exercises we’ve learned on my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com and will add to it as we go along. I’ve also put each exercise to beautiful video and music on my YouTube Channel Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma! Please subscribe if you like what you see and hear!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today, and please keep on listening! Wherever you listen, please like, subscribe, favorite, follow me, and share widely! What you think really matters to me too, so comment on the show, what you think, whatever’s on your mind. You can find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com.

    Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all of your favorite podcasts, music, and listening apps! Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon!

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 22: The Price We Pay Is Way Too High

    Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma: Episode 22: The Price We Pay Is Way Too High

    Hey there, it’s Kerri! Thank you so much for joining me on this latest episode of Invisible Wounds Healing from Trauma. This is episode 22 and we’re going to talk about the unintended “price we pay” in being involved in a relationship involving an abusive partner. I’m going to add a disclaimer here, because we are going to be discussing specific aspects of Domestic Violence or Intimate Partner Violence and it could be triggering. If it is, pause the episode. Do some mindful belly breathing, or any of the other tools we’ve learned, or one you like to use to get grounded, centered, and feel safe. Then come back when you’re ready.

    I’m so glad that we’re walking the path towards healing together!

    So just a quick reminder, I’m not a clinician, counselor, or physician. I’m a Certified Trauma Support Specialist with lots of lived experience with trauma. Also, the information presented in this podcast is for educational purposes only and not meant to replace treatment by a doctor or any other licensed professional.  An added note: If you are in a relationship where your safety, mental, physical, and emotional health are at risk, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for help in leaving the relationship safely and other resources. If you are in a situation where you feel you are in immediate danger, please call 911!

    Alright let’s dive in!

    In the last few episodes, we’ve gone over different types of relationships including abusive relationships, and how those of us with trauma histories can be particularly vulnerable to becoming involved with relationships involving abuse. I want to start off by reminding ourselves that IT IS NOT OUR FAULT! There is so much guilt and shame we associate with ourselves, and our choices. Our trauma histories have already gotten us to the point where we don’t believe in ourselves. Then our abusive partner just reinforces that belief by putting us down, telling us we’re “stupid” or we’re “no good.” We don’t think we can feel any lower than we already do, but layer on top of layer of that reinforcement sinks us right to the bottom.

    I hope these exercises are something you found helpful, and it’s more tools to add to our “mindful” toolbox that we’re building together. Whenever you need to go to that toolbox and pull out any skill we’ve learned in order to feel more grounded, safe, and connected, do it!! I have created a list of all of the techniques and exercises we’ve learned on my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com and will add to it as we go along. I’ve also put each exercise to beautiful video and music on my YouTube Channel Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma! Please subscribe if you like what you see and hear!

    Thank you so much for taking the time to listen today, and please keep on listening! Wherever you listen, please like, subscribe, favorite, and follow me! What you think really matters to me too, so comment on the show, what you think, whatever’s on your mind. You can find me on Facebook at Invisible Wounds: Healing from Trauma, Twitter at Kerriwalker58, and my website invisiblewoundshealingfromtrauma.com.

    Look for my new episodes dropping every Monday on all of your favorite podcast, music, and listening apps! Please take extra good care of yourself, and we’ll talk soon!