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    Dr. Ramani ON: How to Spot a Narcissist & 3 Signs of Gaslighting in Any Relationship

    enDecember 12, 2022

    Podcast Summary

    • Navigating Relationships with Narcissists: Understanding the Impact of GaslightingGaslighting is a form of manipulation used by narcissists to make a person feel off balance and question their own reality.

      Dr. Ramani is an author and professor who works to help people understand narcissism and its impact on relationships.She started researching narcissism in 2003 and noticed patterns in her clinical practice of people having the same relationship stories.She began to apply her research on narcissism to her clinical practice to help people better understand the issue.One of the first steps of gaslighting is denying someone's reality, which can make a person feel off balance.The next step is to tell the person there is something wrong with them, which is a form of gaslighting.Dr. Ramani's work helps people understand the issue of narcissism, as well as how to stay sane and navigate relationships with narcissists.

    • Finding Your Voice and Standing on Your Own in a Narcissistic WorldIt is important to talk openly about narcissistic relationships in order to help those who have been invalidated in such relationships to find their voice and stand on their own.

      People have been narcissistic since there have been people and it is only recently that the idea of Narcissistic Personality Disorder has come up.Two young people approached the author and suggested he go on YouTube, which he initially refused, but eventually the reach on his channel was huge.He noticed that mental health professionals were not recognizing the issues faced by people in narcissistic relationships.This motivated him to write his first book on narcissism and also speak about it on YouTube.He believes that talking about this issue openly is important to help people who have been invalidated in such relationships.His mission is to help people find themselves and have their voice again, so that they can stand on their own in the world.

    • Exploring the Economic and Psychological Effects of Narcissistic AbuseEconomic environments can influence the way people behave, and the psychological effects of narcissistic abuse should not be overlooked.

      For hundreds of years, people have been behaving badly and aggressively, though it was only recently that science has been able to explain why.It turns out that the economic environment plays a role in the way people behave, with those who are hurting animals and stealing things being more aggressive than those who are farming and collaborating.In the last 15 years, more attention has been given to the harm that narcissistic people can do in relationships.For generations, people have lived in difficult relationships without understanding why and without the support of mental health professionals.In the 1970s, Lenore Walker identified the cycle of abuse in relationships.Even today, emotional abuse is not accorded the same level of importance as physical abuse, though it can cause similar psychological effects.

    • Unmasking Narcissism: Achieving Holistic Therapeutic SupportPersonality is the baseline, and it is important to address all aspects of personality in order to best help someone.

      Personality is an important factor in our lives.Narcissism is a personality style that can be seen as a more maladaptive behavior such as arrogance, entitlement, and manipulativeness.Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a mental illness that requires the person to experience distress or have their life disrupted by their behavior and be aware of it.People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder rarely seek help and when they do, it is usually because of other issues such as depression, anxiety, or substance use disorder.Therapists often focus on the more acute issues like depression, anxiety, or substance use disorder and may overlook the personality disorder.Personality is the baseline, and it is important to address all aspects of personality in order to best help someone.

    • Can We Overcome Narcissistic Personality Traits?Narcissism is a consistent pattern of behaviour and not a one-off occurrence.

      While we all have different personalities, they are our psychological fingerprints and they won't change overnight.Some people have narcissistic personalities, which are characterised by a lack of empathy, entitlement and a need for validation.Narcissism isn't a one-off – it's a consistent pattern of behaviour.People can have bad weeks and be short-fused, but this doesn't mean they're narcissistic.StoryWorth is a great way to document life stories and create a keepsake book for future generations to enjoy.We can learn from our loved ones and cherish the timeless stories they share with us.

    • Unlocking the Origins of NarcissismOur personalities can be shaped by our environment, invalidating experiences, and trauma in early life, making it important to be aware of ourselves and those around us.

      Personality is something that is a combination of genetics and environment.We can observe temperament in babies, as some are easy to soothe, smiley and content, while others are more difficult and demanding for attention.Our temperaments formed in infancy and toddlerhood influence our personalities.Invalidating experiences such as parents, babysitters, teachers and peers not liking us could affect our personalities.Trauma in early life can sometimes be associated with narcissism, but it's not always the case.Understanding the origins of narcissism can help us learn to navigate the world and be aware of ourselves and those in our lives.

    • Traversing the Troubled Waters of Narcissistic RelationshipsNarcissism is a personality trait that can be caused by certain experiences, making it important to remember that people in relationships with narcissists are not always at fault.

      Narcissism is a personality trait that can occur due to certain experiences, such as being overindulged by parents or being neglected or mistreated.Narcissistic people can be very attractive and charming, but their bad moments can be very damaging.People who are in relationships with narcissistic people may not realise it until it is too late.Narcissists are often very ambitious and successful, and may have experienced trauma in their lives.They often seek out new experiences and crave attention and admiration.People in relationships with narcissists can often feel like they are the ones with the problem, but it is important to remember that it is not always their fault.

    • Recognising the Red Flags of a RelationshipIt is important to be aware of the red flags in a relationship and not ignore them, even if you feel pressure to make it work.

      After a few months of a relationship, it can become clear that there are red flags that have been appearing.When people are trying to find a relationship, they may feel pressured to make it work and ignore the red flags.It can take a few years to get a full picture of what the relationship is like and it is normal to feel embarrassed if it takes this long.Love bombing can last anywhere from 6 weeks to a year and afterwards the person can become immediately sensitive to criticism.When someone gets upset about a criticism, it can feel like a tsunami and it can confuse people as to why this happened.It is important to remember that the other person has not changed, even if the relationship has.

    • Can Recognizing Both Positive and Negative Aspects of a Person Help Us Better Understand Relationships?Multiple truths can exist in relationships at the same time, and recognizing both the positive and negative aspects of a person can help us better understand our relationships.

      Relationships can be complicated and understanding them can be difficult.We often try to think of the people we love in terms of good and bad, but this can be misleading.It can be helpful to remember that multiple truths can exist at the same time.We need to be comfortable with this concept of multiple truths when it comes to the relationships we have.Being able to recognize both the positive and negative aspects of a person can help us better understand our relationships.If you are struggling to make sense of your relationships, talking to a professional therapist can be a great way to gain perspective and find helpful strategies.

    • Recognizing the Signs of Love Bombing and Building Healthy RelationshipsUnderstanding the traits of a healthy relationship and being aware of the signs of love bombing can help you cultivate strong and lasting relationships.

      Love bombing is when someone showers you with attention, compliments and gifts in a short period of time.It is an attractive feeling, but can be addictive and can lead to unhealthy relationships.A healthy relationship should be kind, compassionate, flexible, respectful, cooperative, collaborative and equitable.Once someone understand these things, it becomes easier to recognize when love bombing is happening.Knowing the signs of love bombing can help you slow down the relationship and make sure it is healthy.Love bombing often happens because it fills a deficit from a person's past, so it is important to recognize when it is happening and take steps to make sure the relationship is healthy.Taking the time to understand the traits of a healthy relationship and being aware of the signs of love bombing can help you make sure your relationships are healthy and strong.

    • Unmasking the Reality of Gaslighting and Love BombingSetting boundaries and limits is an important way to test if someone is gaslighting you.

      Gaslighting is a type of psychological manipulation where a person’s reality is twisted to make them doubt themselves.It usually happens in relationships, where one partner might try to make the other feel like they are wrong or overreacting.Love bombing is a tactic used by some people to quickly make the other person feel like the relationship is intense and special.A good way to test the waters is to set boundaries and limits.If someone is gaslighting you, they might respond to your boundaries by doubting your commitment or taking away the game.Gaslighting is now a recognized phenomenon, and it is important to be aware of it and understand it correctly in order to protect yourself.

    • Recognizing the Signs of Gaslighting and Reclaiming Self-WorthGaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can lead to feelings of worthlessness and self-criticism. Awareness of the signs of gaslighting is the first step to reclaiming self-worth and trust in oneself.

      Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse used by people with power over someone to break their spirit and leave them feeling worthless.It is done by denying the other person's reality and repeatedly telling them there is something wrong with them.It is important to recognize that gaslighting is not just lying but also invalidating the other person.Gaslighting can lead to people having difficulty trusting, feeling anxious, and developing self-criticism.Having an awareness of the signs of gaslighting can help people avoid being taken advantage of by manipulative people.If someone has been a victim of gaslighting, they can focus on rebuilding their self-worth and trust in themselves to help them heal and move forward.

    • Understanding Your Identity and Values to Combat GaslightingTaking time to reflect and build understanding of yourself allows you to stay true to yourself and disengage from gaslighting situations.

      It is important to understand who you are, your identity, and your values so that if someone says something mean about you, it does not affect you.Gaslighting is a tricky situation and it is important to never confront the person in the moment as they may double down.Taking some time to reflect and show yourself compassion is important.Talking things out or journaling can help build a better understanding of yourself.A good therapist can help you make sense of a gaslighting situation and help you understand how to stay true to yourself.If you are in a situation with someone who is gaslighting you, it may be best to disengage.

    • Finding Clarity and Comfort with State Farm and Sleep NumberQuality sleep is essential to managing life's unpredictability and State Farm and Sleep Number can help you find the clarity and comfort you need during the busy holiday season.

      1) Gina and Matt have been together for 15 years and have been with State Farm since they were 16.2) State Farm provided them the clarity and support they needed to purchase their first car and get insurance coverage.3) Even now, with a baby on the way, Gina and Matt don't have to stress about insurance because State Farm will have it under control.4) Life is unpredictable, but State Farm can help answer those what ifs.5) Quality sleep is important during the busy holiday season, and Sleep Number can help you get the rest you need.6) The Sleep Number 360 Smart Bed lets you adjust each side to your ideal firmness, comfort, and support for a better night’s sleep.

    • Achieve Positive Outcomes with Sleep Number 360 Smart BedHaving the right intentions and knowing yourself are essential for achieving success in any situation.

      Sleep Number beds provide comfortable and adjustable beds for both partners with different preferences.Sleep IQ Scores track your personal sleep quality.The Holiday Savings Event allows you to save money on their most popular Sleep Number 360 Smart Bed.Knowing yourself and having the right intentions is essential to achieving a positive outcome in any situation.It is important to avoid minimizing someone else's distress out of our own discomfort.It is not realistic to expect a narcissistic person to change due to external influence.

    • Facing Cultural Pressure: Staying or Leaving in a Relationship?It is ultimately up to the individual to decide when to stay or leave a committed relationship. Building self-awareness within one's self and the other can provide a foundation for making that decision.

      A woman was questioning whether she should stay in her relationship for another 10 years.She decided to stay and experienced 10 more years of being mistreated.The therapist recognized that the client wasn't ready to leave and will sometimes receive calls later on.A client recently decided to leave and found that her husband had become more self-aware.The therapist believes that it's up to the client to decide when to leave and will provide support.The therapist also understands the cultural pressure to stay in a committed relationship.

    • Taking Ownership of Our Emotional Needs While Finding Authenticity in RelationshipsWe need to be mindful of our emotional needs and guard our authenticity in toxic relationships.

      It is not possible to force someone to change their behavior and way of thinking.We need to focus on our own emotional needs and grow our own empathy.This could be done through friends, family, spirituality or any other source that makes us feel seen and heard.We have to be ready for both the good and bad days in a relationship and not take them personally.We have to individuate, or become our own person, while still being authentic in other spaces, but not in the toxic setting.We need to be mindful and protect ourselves, while still participating in the glory of our authenticity.

    • Breaking Free from Toxic Relationships to BloomSelf-care and restraint in toxic relationships is an act of rebellion - make time for yourself to bloom and find friends and community who give you strength.

      In toxic relationships, it often takes a lot of courage and strength to be a version of yourself that is not your full self.Even if you don't end the intimate relationship, it is important to learn how to set boundaries – like taking a pass on Thanksgiving or only attending one day of a family wedding.Self-care and restraint in these kinds of toxic relationships is an act of rebellion.Make time for yourself to bloom and find friends and community that give you strength.Don't get into arguments with the toxic person unless you just want to argue.After these kinds of interactions, take time to come down and replenish your energy.

    • Overcoming Difficult Relationships Through Self-RealizationFind hope within yourself, not in the other person, to heal and find joy in difficult relationships.

      It is easy to start adopting the same behaviour as someone if you are constantly exposed to them.This can lead to feelings of depletion and eventually illness.In such situations, we often find ourselves defending ourselves in a way that we would not normally do.We may find our empathy waning due to the emotional strain of the situation.To recover, we need to realise that the hope lies within ourselves and not in the other person.It is possible to heal and be joyful even in difficult relationships, by focusing on our own story.

    • Rediscovering Innocence After TraumaTrauma can be a difficult experience, but it can also bring out an inner beauty and depth that can lead to rediscovering innocence.

      Trauma can be a difficult experience, but it can also bring out an inner beauty and depth.It is not worse or better than other experiences, but it can cause a loss of innocence.When laughter is experienced again, it can feel like a gift.People are not defined by their trauma.Narcissism is a problem in our culture and should be addressed.People can learn to sense it and can find help and support to navigate it.

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    Are you struggling with having difficult conversations with family members?

    Today's guest is the hilarious and incredible story teller Tiffany Haddish, Emmy and Grammy-winning actress, comedian, and author. Known for her breakout role in "Girls Trip" and her New York Times bestselling book "The Last Black Unicorn," Tiffany has become one of the most influential voices in comedy with her sharp wit, resilience, and authentic storytelling. 

    Tiffany and Jay have a vulnerable conversation with a candid look into Tiffany’s life, showcasing her journey from a challenging upbringing to becoming one of Hollywood’s brightest stars. Tiffany shares the emotional and often tumultuous experiences she faced growing up in foster care. Despite these challenges, she credits these early adversities for instilling in her a resilience that later became instrumental in her career. Tiffany discusses how humor became her coping mechanism and how it eventually became a tool for empowerment.

    Jay and Tiffany also talk about relationships and the lessons she has learned from her experiences. She opens up about her past relationships and how they shaped her understanding of love, vulnerability, and self-respect. We get to listen to the healing power of laughter, the importance of community, and the role of faith in overcoming life’s challenges. 

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to overcome adversity

    How to turn pain into humor and use it as fuel

    How to embrace vulnerability

    How to handle criticism

    How to advocate for yourself 

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    03:08 Built to Have Fun

    04:19 Emotional Hoarder

    07:16 Celibacy

    12:11 Being with the Wrong Person

    15:41 Do You Believe in Past Life?

    18:06 Who Do You Want to Date?

    20:10 Growing Your Own Garden

    22:48 Growing with a Creative Mind

    25:05 Worst Thing About Being Me

    29:11 Dealing with Online Hate

    31:36 She’s Not My Mom Anymore

    37:46 Processing and Dealing with Grief

    43:36 Resenting and Forgiving My Father

    48:46 The Phone Call with My Dad

    55:24 Let’s Understand People’s Stories

    57:59 Self Care is a Process

    01:02:15 My Father Was Sick

    01:05:07 Make Home in Your Childhood Community

    01:10:29 The Love to Entertain People

    01:18:07 What Would Little T be Proud Of?

    01:20:24 Childhood Dreams

    01:25:09 TIffany on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Why You Are Restricting Your Desires in Your Relationship & How to Stop Blocking Yourself from the Happiness You Deserve with Lisa Bilyeu

    Why You Are Restricting Your Desires in Your Relationship & How to Stop Blocking Yourself from the Happiness You Deserve with Lisa Bilyeu

    How do you identify when you're restricting your desires in a relationship?

    How can couples work together to align their desires and ensure mutual fulfillment?

    Today, Jay welcomes back his good friend Lisa Bilyeu. Lisa is a co-founder of the billion-dollar brand Quest Nutrition and the president of Impact Theory, a digital media company aimed at empowering content. With a strong focus on developing content that speaks to personal growth and empowerment, especially for women, Lisa has been a pivotal figure in shifting paradigms within her industry. Her show, "Women of Impact," addresses issues facing modern women, combining personal anecdotes with actionable advice.

    The core theme of this conversation is outlining a roadmap for individuals seeking to overcome insecurities and cultivate a resilient, action-oriented confidence. Jay and Lisa discuss the common misconceptions around confidence, emphasizing that it is not a prerequisite for action but a result of engaging with the world despite fears and doubts.

    Lisa shares how her initial need for external validation was a significant barrier to personal growth, sharing transformative moments that reshaped her understanding of confidence and self-worth. She stresses the importance of embracing imperfection and vulnerability as catalysts for genuine self-improvement and empowerment.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to start building confidence

    How to validate yourself

    How to prioritize personal growth

    How to handle fear of judgment

    How to transform relationships

    Together, let's continue to  question the preconceived notions about success and happiness and to take bold steps towards a life aligned with our deepest values and aspirations.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    03:32 How Do You Define Confidence?

    06:54 Believe You’re Capable

    09:54 Admitting That You’re Unhappy

    16:13 The Frame of Reference

    19:36 Everything Is A Risk

    27:42 Non-Negotiables in Relationships

    34:41 Conversations That Don’t Break Relationships

    41:30 Who Leads, Who Follows

    49:26 Conflicting Value System

    54:57 Don’t Assume, Find a Compromise

    59:21 Growth Mindset With Your Partner

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Matthew Hussey: 5 Reasons Why There is No Such Thing As The Right Person At The Wrong Time & How to Stop Missing Your Ex

    Matthew Hussey: 5 Reasons Why There is No Such Thing As The Right Person At The Wrong Time & How to Stop Missing Your Ex

    Does timing really matter in whether a relationship works?

    What are healthy ways to deal with a breakup?

    Today, let’s welcome back dating coach Matthew Hussey. Matthew is also a YouTube personality and writer known for offering advice on dating, love, and relationships to both men and women through his online content, seminars, and his book "Get The Guy." His approach typically combines practical advice, motivational coaching, and a bit of psychology to help individuals understand what they want from a relationship and how to get it.

    Matthew shares his insights on the complexities of love, self-discovery, and the importance of honest communication. He emphasizes on the significance of creating a peaceful relationship, distinguishing it from a boring one, and the value of embracing vulnerabilities to foster deeper connections. Matthew's reflections on his own experiences, coupled with his expertise, provide a comprehensive guide on navigating the challenges of modern dating, building meaningful relationships, and cultivating self-awareness. 

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to cultivate peaceful relationships without boredom

    How to deepen connections through vulnerability

    How to navigate modern dating with confidence

    How to enhance relationships with effective communication

    How to enrich love life through self-awareness

    Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship, this episode offers valuable lessons on love, resilience, and the transformative power of embracing your true self.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    04:20 Where Does Your Idea of Love Come From?

    10:34 What Differentiates a Peaceful to a Boring Relationship?

    19:35 What Are Your Must-Haves in a Relationship?

    31:47 Tactics Are Different From Relationship Standards

    39:59 Egoic Standards Versus Setting Standards for Happiness

    51:20 Practice Having Real and Difficult Conversations

    01:04:48 The Importance of Communicating Your Thoughts and Feelings

    01:08:25 Is Your Partner the Right One for You?

    01:15:05 Dealing with the Different Phases of Heartbreak

    01:26:31 What’s Next for Matthew?    

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    7 Ways to Reduce the Time You Spend Overthinking & Make Better Decisions Quicker

    7 Ways to Reduce the Time You Spend Overthinking & Make Better Decisions Quicker

    How do you know when you're overthinking too much?

    How can you break the cycle of overthinking?

    Today, Jay will talk about the complexity of overthinking and how we can turn it around and look at things differently. Jay presents seven practical strategies to help listeners combat the grip of overthinking. These range from the psychological—to limit how many people's opinions we seek, preventing the confusion and indecision that too many perspectives can cause—to the physical, recommending activities that disengage the analytical brain and encourage mental reset, like exercise or simply moving around.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to use over thinking for problem-solving

    How to manage alarmed responses

    How to use physical movement for mental clarity

    How to focus on positives and small wins

    Don't let overthinking hold you back! Start implementing these strategies today and take control of your mental space.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    00:52 Has Overthinking Slowed You Down?

    07:53 The Science Behind Overthinking

    10:50 #1: Overthinking as a Problem-Solving Approach

    14:24 #2: Don’t Ask Too Many People For Their Opinion

    18:19 #3: Avoid Responding While You’re Feeling Alarmed

    19:17 #4: Move Your Body When Your Mind Is Stuck

    20:32 #5: Focus on the Good Thing and Small Wins

    22:05 #6: Spontaneous Drawings Relieve Psychological Stress

    24:23 #7: Go Back to Analog

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.