midlife crisis

When you think about someone having a midlife crisis, you probably think of a man getting divorced, stepping out with a younger woman, and buying a sports car. But my guest today says the often jokey, mockable trope of the midlife crisis we have in our popular culture discounts the fact that the sense of dissatisfaction people can feel in their middle years is quite real, and that the questions it raises are profond, philosophical, and worth earnestly grappling with.

His name is Kieran Setiya, and he's a professor of philosophy and the author of Midlife: A Philosophical Guide. Kieran and I first discuss what researchers have uncovered about whether the midlife crisis really exists, how it might be better described as a kind of midlife malaise, and how Kieran's own sense of life dissatisfaction began when he was only in his mid-thirties. We then explore the philosophical reframing that can help in dealing with the existential issues that the journey into midlife often raises, including feeling like you've missed out on certain possibilities and feeling regret over your mistakes and misfortunes. We also talk about how to shift out of one primary cause of the midlife malaise — the sense that your life is merely about putting out fires and checking off boxes.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Seasons of a Man's Life by Daniel Levinson
• AoM series on Levinson's research
• Transformations: Growth and Change in Adult Life by Roger Gould
• Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life by Gail Sheehy
• Orville Gilbert Brim's MacArthur study on "Midlife in the United States"
• David Branchflower's study on the U-shaped curve of happiness
• John Stuart Mill
• Sunday Firesides: Youth Is Not an Identity
• AoM Podcast #770: Philosophical Tools for Living the Good Life
• AoM Podcast #620: How to Deal With Life's Regrets
• AoM Article: The George Bailey Technique — Mentally Erase Your Blessings for Greater Joy and Optimism
• AoM Podcast #527: Father Wounds, Male Spirituality, and the Journey to the Second Half of Life With Richard Rohr
• AoM Podcast #598: Journeying From the First to the Second Half of Life With James Hollis

Connect With Kieran Setiya

• Kieran's Website
• Kieran on Twitter
• Kieran's Podcast

Stoicism seems to be all the rage at the moment. In what ways is it relevant to our question to live deeply in a distracted world? And in what ways is it not? Cal takes a closer look at Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and discusses his relationship with the philosophy more generally. 

Below are the questions covered in today's episode (with their timestamps). Get your questions answered by Cal! Here’s the link: bit.ly/3U3sTvo 

Video from today’s episode:  youtube.com/calnewportmedia 

Deep Dive: The Ideas from Marcus Aurelius’s, “Meditations” [2:30] 

- Can I realistically make an impact as an English teacher? [35:28] 

- Can a seasoned professional screenwriter switch careers after 23 years? [40:02] 

- I’m an accomplished professional but lack a competitive drive to do more. Is there a way to build this? [45:34] 

- How can a CEO lower his anxiety with elements of work that aren’t strengths? [54:37] 

- How can I bounce back from a deflating work setback? [1:02:52] 

The 5 Books Cal Read in September 2023 [1:11:07] 

Thanks to our Sponsors: 

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Thanks to Jesse Miller for production, Jay Kerstens for the intro music, and Mark Miles for mastering.

Dante's Divine Comedy is considered one of the greatest works of literature ever written. The poem not only imagines the three parts of the afterlife, but serves as an allegory for the spiritual journey of the human soul.

Here to take us on a tour of the journey Dante describes is Robert Barron, a bishop in the Catholic Church. Today on the show, Bishop Barron offers a bit of background on the Divine Comedy and how it resonates as a story of the search for greater meaning that commonly arises in your mid-thirties. We then delve into Dante's journey through Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso. We discuss why Dante can't initially climb the redemptive mountain of purgatory and has to go through hell first, the importance of having a tough-but-encouraging guide for any spiritual journey, why hell is an inverted cone that gets narrower and colder at the bottom, and why traitors inhabit its lowest layer. We then get into what it takes to climb Mount Purgatory, why heaven in the Divine Comedy doesn't get much attention, and what Dante finds when he gets there. Along the way, Bishop Barron describes the meaning behind the religious imagery Dante used in his poem, as well as insights that can be applied to any spiritual journey.

Resources Related to the Episode

• Divine Comedytranslated by Mark Musa (Bishop Barron's favorite translation)
• Word on Fire course on Dante and the Divine Comedy
• AoM Podcast #527: Father Wounds, Male Spirituality, and the Journey to the Second Half of Life With Fr. Richard Rohr
• AoM Podcast #598: Journeying From the First to the Second Half of Life With James Hollis
• AoM Podcast #518: The Second Mountain With David Brooks
• AoM Article: Lessons in Manliness from Dante
• The Seven Story Mountain by Thomas Merton

Connect With Bishop Robert Barron

• Word on Fire Website
• The Bishop on FB
• The Bishop on IG
• The Bishop on Twitter

How does comparing yourself to others affect your well-being? What do you do when there’s no one left to blame? And should we all just move to Finland? 

How is aging different today than it was in the past? What do young people get wrong about happiness? And what does it mean if you impulsively decide to get your ear pierced in an unusual place?

Vocation, once associated with serving God through service to others, is now most strongly associated with a career having personal worth. Vocation spans a range of needs and values:  commitment to making ends meet, striving for material rewards and social status, or the more internal satisfaction of research, helping others, and artistic expression. Freud considered love and work the cornerstones of our humanness, and Jung said, “In the final analysis, we count for something only because of the essential we embody, and if we do not embody that, life is wasted.” A discernment process is essential to determining the difference between a true calling and ego ambitions, what we want versus what we can have, and distinguishing dream from dedication. Ultimately, however, vocation is a state of being—so perhaps we can invest the work we have with a sense of call.

HERE’S THE DREAM WE ANALYZED:

“I was at the beach with my mother and grandmother. My mother was driving a red car. My grandmother in the passenger seat, me in the back. It was stormy; the waves were wild and aggressive. My mother was determined to drive as far as possible to find old family members who we no longer speak to, to enact revenge. I was silent. The waves were angry, the wind swirled and howled and rocked the car. She was on a mission.”

REFERENCES:

James Hillman. A Blue Fire.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060921013/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_M7PXWF54T0MRBEBPETQM

James Hillman. The Soul’s Code. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0399180141/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_DKSW982XDDP53F2WM610

GIVE US A HAND! Become our patron: https://www.patreon.com/ThisJungianLife

RESOURCES: Learn to Analyze your own Dreams: https://thisjungianlife.com/enroll/

Other comedians cry on the inside, but Rodney Dangerfield built his entire act around his sad life. Get to know this legendary comic who was nearing 50 when he got his break, in this classic episode recorded live in LA.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When you think about someone having a midlife crisis, you probably think of a man getting divorced, stepping out with a younger woman, and buying a sports car. But my guest today says the often jokey, mockable trope of the midlife crisis we have in our popular culture discounts the fact that the sense of dissatisfaction people can feel in their middle years is quite real, and that the questions it raises are profond, philosophical, and worth earnestly grappling with.

His name is Kieran Setiya, and he's a professor of philosophy and the author of Midlife: A Philosophical Guide. Kieran and I first discuss what researchers have uncovered about whether the midlife crisis really exists, how it might be better described as a kind of midlife malaise, and how Kieran's own sense of life dissatisfaction began when he was only in his mid-thirties. We then explore the philosophical reframing that can help in dealing with the existential issues that the journey into midlife often raises, including feeling like you've missed out on certain possibilities and feeling regret over your mistakes and misfortunes. We also talk about how to shift out of one primary cause of the midlife malaise — the sense that your life is merely about putting out fires and checking off boxes.

Resources Related to the Podcast

• Seasons of a Man's Life by Daniel Levinson
• AoM series on Levinson's research
• Transformations: Growth and Change in Adult Life by Roger Gould
• Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life by Gail Sheehy
• Orville Gilbert Brim's MacArthur study on "Midlife in the United States"
• David Branchflower's study on the U-shaped curve of happiness
• John Stuart Mill
• AoM Podcast #770: Philosophical Tools for Living the Good Life
• AoM Podcast #620: How to Deal With Life's Regrets
• AoM Article: The George Bailey Technique: Mentally Erase Your Blessings for Greater Joy and Optimism
• AoM Podcast #527: Father Wounds, Male Spirituality, and the Journey to the Second Half of Life With Richard Rohr
• AoM Podcast #598: Journeying From the First to the Second Half of Life With James Hollis

Connect With Kieran Setiya

• Kieran's Website
• Kieran on Twitter
• Kieran's Podcast