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    Research From Princeton: 13 Proven Hacks That Boost Your Influence & Make You More Confident

    enAugust 10, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Developing Charisma for Authentic Connections and Lasting ImpressionsCharisma is not limited to extroverts. By understanding and practicing the principles of charisma, anyone can make genuine connections, leaving positive lasting impressions in various aspects of life.

      Charisma is not limited to extroverted and bubbly individuals. Charisma is a trait that can be developed and utilized by anyone, regardless of their personality type. Vanessa Van Edwards, a renowned expert on charisma and body language, emphasizes that charisma is about making a genuine connection with others and leaving a positive impression. She explains that charisma is not about being the life of the party, but rather about being authentic and confident in oneself. By understanding the principles of charisma and incorporating effective body language and communication skills, individuals can appear more confident and make a lasting impact on others. Developing charisma can be beneficial in various aspects of life, such as job interviews, promotions, and building relationships.

    • Unveiling the Power of Charisma: The Key to Success in Relationships and Professional Life.Charisma is the missing ingredient that activates success in all aspects of life. It can be learned through specific cues and social signals, allowing for smoother and more effective social interactions.

      Charisma is the single most important aspect of being successful. It is the missing ingredient that triggers and activates success in relationships and professional life. Charisma is not dependent on extroversion, attractiveness, athleticism, or intelligence. Highly charismatic people constantly signal high warmth, trustworthiness, and likability, along with a balance of high competence and effectiveness. Charisma impacts all aspects of confidence, personality, and success more than any other attribute. The good news is that charisma can be learned through a specific set of cues and social signals. It is essential to show these signals because without them, the world cannot believe your competence, even if you are highly intelligent. Charisma acts as a social lubricant, making social interactions smooth and effective.

    • Overcoming Awkwardness and Building Charisma for Better Relationships and ConversationsDeveloping charisma can help individuals overcome awkwardness, be more influential, and create a comfortable atmosphere for better social interactions.

      Awkwardness, which manifests differently in individuals, is often a result of fear. Some people's awkwardness presents itself as shutting down due to the fear of rejection or criticism, while others may become extroverted and overly talkative as a defense mechanism. Awkwardness can hinder effective communication, making relationships and conversations seem crunchy and faulty. Charisma, described as a skill that anyone can develop, acts as a lubricant to smoothen these interactions. It helps individuals be themselves, be more influential, and enjoy social settings regardless of introversion or extroversion. The key is to strike a balance between warmth and competence, creating an atmosphere where others feel comfortable and can open up like Oprah does in her interviews.

    • Harnessing Different Forms of CharismaCharisma can be cultivated by balancing warmth and competence, regardless of being extroverted or introverted. Finding your own style of charisma can greatly influence others.

      Charisma can come in different forms and can be harnessed by both extroverted and introverted individuals. Vanessa explains that a person can balance warmth and competence, using their kindness and intelligence to draw people in and ask the hard questions. She gives examples of Jackie Kennedy, who had a quiet but powerful charisma, and Steve Jobs, who lacked warmth and came across as cold and intimidating. Highly competent individuals often struggle with signaling warmth, but one way to do so is by sharing their emotions, although they may not be comfortable with this approach. It is important to find your own flavor of charisma and realize the impact it has on others.

    • Balancing Competence and Warmth for SuccessFinding a balance between being competent and warm is key to success in both personal and professional life, as it allows for effective problem-solving and building trust and respect.

      Individuals who are highly competent tend to struggle with emotions because emotions cannot be fact-checked. They prefer solving problems and finding solutions rather than simply listening and empathizing. On the other hand, highly warm individuals, who are filled with empathy and nurturing, often give too much of themselves in order to be liked. This desire for being liked can hinder their ability to gain respect in the workplace. Additionally, both the need to be right and the need to be liked can unintentionally send signals and cues that make people not trust or respect an individual, ultimately affecting their influence, impact, and income. Therefore, individuals should strive for balance between being competent and warm in order to be more successful in their professional and personal lives.

    • The Power of Charisma: How it affects perception and personal successCharisma is key in making a lasting impact and influencing others. Understanding and evaluating your own charisma is essential for improving interactions and building better relationships.

      Charisma plays a significant role in how people evaluate and judge you, accounting for 82% of their perception. It is not only important for making more money and being influential but also for making a lasting impact. Warmth and competence are the two main factors that make up charisma, and they are used by others to form judgments about you, whether it's in person, on social media, or through email interactions. This means that every impression you make, including first impressions, is crucial. Your level of warmth and competence signals to the world how they should treat you. It is essential to understand your own charisma through self-evaluation and taking diagnostic tests, such as the one on Science of People's website, to improve your interactions and build better relationships.

    • The importance of showing your hands in the first 10 seconds of a Zoom call or any interaction for establishing charisma and influence.Showing your hands within the first second of an interaction creates trust and warmth, while hiding them creates uncertainty and mistrust. Establishing openness and intention in the first 10 seconds sets the stage for a successful interaction.

      The first 10 seconds of a Zoom call or any interaction are crucial for establishing charisma and influence. Vanessa explains that showing your hands within the first second is important because the brain instinctively looks for warmth and trustworthiness in the hands. This stems from a survival mechanism where our ancestors needed to determine if someone posed a threat. By hiding our hands, we create uncertainty and activate the amygdala, leading to distraction and mistrust. However, by promptly revealing our hands, we establish a sense of openness and intention. Whether it's in a virtual meeting, interview, or even meeting someone in person, nailing the first 10 seconds sets the stage for a successful interaction.

    • Effective On-Camera Presentation TipsHand gestures and camera distance play crucial roles in engaging viewers, while avoiding question inflection enhances credibility.

      There are two important factors to consider when presenting oneself on camera: hand gestures and the distance between the face and the camera. Hand gestures are universally liked and help to deactivate fear processing, making the speaker more engaging to the audience. Furthermore, the distance between the face and the camera is crucial in establishing a comfortable and appropriate level of intimacy with viewers. Being too close to the camera can signal too much intimacy, while being too far away may create a sense of distance. It is recommended to keep the camera at least a foot and a half away from the face. Additionally, it is important to avoid using question inflection when presenting important information, as it can create doubt and undermine credibility.

    • The Influence of Vocal Tone and Behavior on PerceptionsOur vocal tone and behavior within the first few seconds of interaction can shape how others perceive our skills and likability, impacting their trust in us and potentially leading to negative outcomes like malpractice lawsuits.

      Our perception of someone's skills and likability can be influenced by their vocal tone and behavior within the first few seconds of hearing them. Doctors with lower warmth and competence ratings based on their voice tone had the highest rate of malpractice lawsuits. This suggests that we dislike people not just based on their skills, but based on our perception of their skills. Additionally, using uptalk or question inflection on statements can cause others to question and scrutinize us. It's important to be aware of our vocal power and make subtle behavior changes, such as maintaining the right distance from the camera and avoiding uptalk, to convey confidence and competence. By under-signaling warmth and competence, we may unintentionally affect how others treat us and perceive our abilities.

    • Overcoming Uptalk: Conveying Confidence and Authority in Communication.Uptalk, commonly used by women as a permission-seeking behavior, can undermine confidence and authority. However, by focusing on breath, pausing, and using a downward inflection, individuals can improve their communication skills and command attention.

      Using uptalk, ending sentences with a rising intonation that makes statements sound like questions, is often a permission-seeking behavior rooted in a desire to be liked. Women tend to use uptalk more than men, as they are often socialized from a young age to prioritize being liked and seen as warm. However, uptalk can undermine confidence and authority. Fortunately, uptalk can be easily fixed by focusing on breath and pausing. Speaking with purpose, on the outbreath, and using a downward inflection at the end of sentences can convey confidence and command attention. Becoming aware of these vocal patterns and making intentional changes can significantly improve communication skills.

    • Effective Communication Techniques: Breath Control and Genuine Facial ExpressionsUtilize breath control to relax your vocal chords and speak with a confident voice. Focus on genuine facial expressions, especially smiles that reach your eyes, to convey sincerity and warmth in communication.

      When speaking, it is important to utilize your breath and vocal range effectively. By speaking on the outbreath, you can relax your vocal chords and produce a more relaxed and competent voice. It is crucial to avoid speaking too high on the breath, as it can make your voice sound strained. Another takeaway is the significance of genuine facial expressions, particularly when it comes to smiling. Fake smiles are easily recognized and do not convey true warmth or positivity. Instead, focus on genuine smiles that reach your eyes, as they are more memorable and convey sincerity. In addition to smiling, there are other warmth cues to consider when trying to come across as warm and approachable.

    • Non-Verbal Cues for Warm and Authentic CommunicationIncorporating non-verbal cues like slow triple nodding, tilting your head, and vocalizations can enhance charisma, make others feel heard, and convey warmth and competence.

      There are various non-verbal cues that can convey warmth and authenticity in communication, aside from just smiling. One such cue is the slow triple nod, which signals engagement and encourages the speaker to share more. Tiltling your head slightly during a conversation or in your LinkedIn profile picture is also seen as a warm gesture, indicating active listening. In addition to non-verbal cues, vocal cues play a significant role in conveying warmth. Vocalizations, such as saying "ooh" or "ah," show that you are actively listening and create a sense of warmth in the conversation. These cues are particularly helpful for introverts who want to participate without speaking. By incorporating these cues, you can enhance your charisma and inspire others by gifting them with warmth and competence.

    • Power of Warm Verbal Cues in Virtual MeetingsUsing warm and appreciative language in virtual meetings promotes trust and connection, while avoiding distracting actions and maintaining proper body language enhances engagement and credibility.

      Using warm verbal cues can stimulate connection and influence others in a virtual meeting. Research has shown that using warm words like "virtual high five," "digital hug," or expressing warmth and appreciation can trigger a physiological response in the other person, promoting warmth, trust, and connection. On the other hand, there are also danger zone cues to avoid in a virtual meeting, such as not fronting with the camera. Fronting, which means aligning your toes, torso, and head towards the camera, helps establish credibility and openness. Angling out, having the camera on the side, or distracting actions like typing can create disengagement. It is crucial to create a setup where you are on parallel lines with the other person and maintain proper body language both in virtual and in-person meetings.

    • The power of body language and choice of wordsOur body language, including subtle signals, can indicate our desire to end a conversation. Additionally, the words we choose in emails can impact how others think, feel, and respond. Being intentional with our cues and words can shape how others perceive us and interact with us. Learning these skills can have a positive impact in our interactions.

      Body language, even in subtle ways like the angle of your toes, can communicate your desire to leave a conversation. This can help others pick up on the fact that you may be ready to move on. In addition, when it comes to writing emails, the choice of words can greatly influence how the recipient thinks, feels, and behaves. Warm and collaborative words can foster a positive and cooperative response, while competent and efficient words can encourage productivity. By being intentional with the cues we give and the words we use, we can shape how others perceive and interact with us. It is also important to remember that anyone can learn the skills to have the "it" factor and make a positive impact in their interactions.

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    • Burt Alper: Website
    • Stanford Profile: Website 
    • Ep.102 Create a Presence: How to Communicate in a Way Others Can Feel: WebsiteYouTube 
    • Ep.70 Keep ’Em Coming: Why Your First Ideas Aren’t Always the Best: Website / YouTube 
    • Original Episode - Ep.5 From Monologue to Dialogue: How to Handle a Skeptical Audience: Website / YouTube


    Connect:


    Chapters:

    (00:00:00) Introduction

    Host Matt Abrahams introduces the episode and guest Burt Alper, a fellow strategic communication lecturer at Stanford GSB

    (00:00:55) Handling Direct Objections

    Confronting direct objections during presentations, particularly in professional settings like executive meetings or at the GSB.

    (00:02:37) Preparation for Objections

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    (00:03:50) Emotional vs. Logical Objections

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    (00:06:09) The Power of Reframing

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    (00:08:17) The Role of Paraphrasing

    Paraphrasing as a critical skill for clarifying and addressing objections, with the benefits of accurately restating concerns to ensure mutual understanding.

    (00:12:11) The Final Three Questions

    Burt Alper shares the best communication advice he’s received, a communicator he admires, and his ingredients for successful communication.

    (00:14:55) Conclusion


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    230: Trust & Inspire: Unleash Greatness in Others

    230: Trust & Inspire: Unleash Greatness in Others

    The Command & Control approach to leadership is obsolete, and there’s a powerful replacement for it: Trust & Inspire. Steven M. R. Covey is passionate about helping leaders adopt this far more effective way of leading others, and he brought this enthusiasm to our conversation. You will be inspired as he describes all the benefits of a leadership model that’s focused on helping people grow even as they are held accountable for results. 

    Stephen is the New York Times and #1 Wall Street Journal bestselling author of The Speed of Trust, which has sold over 2 million copies worldwide.  His new book, Trust & Inspire: How Truly Great Leaders Unleash Greatness in Others, is also a Wall Street Journal bestseller. It immediately became one of my favorite books for leaders and parents. 

    Stephen brings to his writings the perspective of a practitioner, as he is the former President & CEO of the Covey Leadership Center, where he increased shareholder value by 67 times and grew the company to become the largest leadership development firm in the world. Stephen co-founded and currently leads FranklinCovey’s Global Speed of Trust Practice.  

    You’ll discover: 

    • The limitations of Enlightened Command & Control
    • How the best leaders extend trust to others
    • What’s involved in inspiring someone to perform at the highest level
    • Fundamental beliefs that Trust & Inspire leaders have about people
    • The elements of Stewardship Agreements that clarify expectations and define accountability

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