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    7 Signs You’re a People Pleaser & 7 Methods to Break This Habit

    enJuly 07, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • The Difference Between People Pleasing and Helping Others: Finding Balance in ServingPrioritizing our own well-being allows us to help others effectively, turning from people pleasers to individuals with purpose.

      It is natural to want to see other people happy and healthy. Wanting others to feel good and be joyful is a beautiful feeling that we should hold onto. However, there is a difference between people pleasing and helping and serving others. People pleasing is when we deprioritize ourselves and displease ourselves in order to please others. It can lead to self-dislike and exhaustion. Instead, we should focus on taking care of ourselves so that we can serve and help others effectively. Prioritizing our own health and well-being allows us to be more, give more, and serve more. It's important to recognize the traits of people pleasers and transform into people with purpose.

    • Breaking Free from People PleasingPrioritizing our own well-being and learning to say no are important steps in breaking free from the cycle of people pleasing and leading more fulfilling lives.

      Being a people pleaser can make our lives harder. Jay Shetty explains that many individuals struggle with saying no and often find themselves sacrificing their own needs and identity to make others happy. This behavior can stem from low self-esteem and a fear of not being accepted. However, Shetty emphasizes that wanting others to be happy is not the problem; the challenge arises when we prioritize others' happiness over our own well-being. According to a YouGov poll, nearly half of American adults believe that they are perceived as people pleasers. Being aware of the traits of people pleasing, such as struggling to say no, can help us break free from this behavior and lead more fulfilling lives.

    • The importance of learning to say no for our well-being and self-worth.Saying no is crucial for protecting our mental and emotional health, even if it means losing some people in our lives.

      Learning to say no is essential for our own well-being and self-worth. We often struggle to say no because we fear that it will make us unlikeable or useless to others. However, we need to realize that the people who truly love us do so because of who we are, not because of what we can do for them. Saying yes to everything can lead to overwhelm and eventually resentment. It's important to prioritize our own needs and set boundaries, even if it means losing some people in our lives. Learning to say no in a kind and respectful way allows us to protect our own mental and emotional health.

    • Setting Boundaries and Communicating Honestly for Healthy RelationshipsIt is important to set boundaries and communicate honestly with others, surrounding yourself with a supportive community that respects your well-being and understanding that it's not necessary to constantly apologize for everything.

      It is important to set boundaries and communicate honestly with others. Instead of simply saying "no" without explanation, it is better to politely decline and provide a genuine explanation for why you are unable to attend or participate. Surrounding yourself with a supportive and understanding community is crucial, as they will respect your boundaries and not make you feel guilty for prioritizing your well-being. Additionally, it is essential to stop constantly apologizing for every little thing and taking on unnecessary blame. Taking responsibility for your own actions is important, but it is equally important to recognize that others are responsible for their own choices and emotions. Instead of apologizing, ask questions and seek to understand the situation better.

    • Replacing Apologies with Questions: A Guide to Difficult Situations, Effective Communication, and Finding Genuine BelongingInstead of apologizing immediately, ask how things could have been done better. Reflect on your needs daily to improve relationships. Find your natural group where you feel accepted.

      Replacing apologies with questions can be an effective way to handle difficult situations. Instead of immediately saying sorry, it is important to take a step back and ask how things could have been done better or how the situation could have been approached differently. This approach helps to avoid unnecessary blame and encourages collaborative problem-solving. Additionally, it is crucial to communicate our needs and opinions in relationships. Taking time daily to reflect on what we need can lead to healthier relationships and a better understanding of ourselves. Lastly, feeling rejected or left out may be a result of trying to fit into a group that does not naturally align with our values and interests. It is essential to find our own natural group where we feel accepted and genuinely belong.

    • Embracing Authenticity: Finding Your Own TribeFind your genuine social circle that appreciates and accepts you for who you are, and avoid conforming to groups that don't align with your values and make you unhappy. Express your opinions without engaging in combative debates.

      It is important to find your own group of friends and community rather than trying to fit into a specific group that may not align with who you truly are. Jay Shetty emphasizes the idea of being authentic and embracing different social circles and environments that suit your interests and values. He encourages individuals to surround themselves with people who appreciate and accept them for who they are, rather than feeling rejected by trying to conform to a group that may not make them happier. By finding our own misfits and diverse communities, we can live a more genuine and fulfilled life. Furthermore, Jay Shetty highlights the significance of sharing our opinions without being combative, understanding that disagreements do not have to turn into debates or disputes.

    • Harnessing the Power of Silence and Effective Communication for Positive ImpactBy choosing silence over negativity, engaging in open dialogue, and staying true to personal values, individuals can transform conversations and their own sense of self.

      Silence can be a powerful way to share your opinion without being combative or preachy. Instead of joining in on negative or gossipy conversations, remaining silent can make a difference. Engaging in conflict or tough conversations can often be avoided by having upfront and rehearsed discussions. By making a list of notes and clearly communicating the challenges, solutions, and seeking the other person's perspective, the quality of the conversation can be transformed. Additionally, it is important to know and prioritize your own values instead of constantly trying to please others. Taking the time to reflect on your current values and determining if they still align with who you want to be can lead to a transformative self-realignment.

    • Taking back control: Flying with intention instead of on autopilotBy being intentional and asking ourselves "why" before making decisions, we can live with purpose and align our choices with our values and priorities.

      Our decisions are often made on autopilot without much thought. Just like a commercial flight captain relies on autopilot for 90% of the flight, we tend to make about 90% of our decisions without intentionality. However, unlike the pilot, we don't usually end up where we want to go when we let our decisions be on autopilot. To stay dialed in and make choices that align with our values and priorities, we need to be intentional. By asking ourselves "why" before each decision, we gain clarity and direction. This simple yet profound exercise can help us live with purpose rather than being driven by unquestioned impulses. So, let's take back control and fly with direction and intention.

    Recent Episodes from On Purpose with Jay Shetty

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    This compelling vision for a future where individuals are empowered with the knowledge and tools to take charge of their health, leading to happier, healthier, and more fulfilled lives is attainable. 

    With Love and Gratitude,

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    What We Discuss:

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    • 02:55 Who Do We Trust with Our Health?
    • 12:12 Become the Healthiest Version of You
    • 18:27 What is Metabolic Health?
    • 25:39 2 Ways Your Body Communicates with You
    • 34:56 The Concept of Inflammation within the Body
    • 40:15 How Does the Health System Work?
    • 51:33 Why Ban Pharmaceutical Company Ads?
    • 56:42 How Banning Pharma Ads Will Affect the Economy
    • 01:02:47 Academic Research Funded by Pharma
    • 01:05:35 Eliminate Added Sugar in School Lunch
    • 01:11:05 The 5 Essential Biomarkers
    • 01:23:10 How You’re Eating Matters
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    • 01:29:37 What is Social Jetlag?
    • 01:34:51 We Are a Process Not an Entity
    • 01:44:57 Casey on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    8 Signs You Are Subtle Settling In Your Relationship & Overcome the Fear of Being Alone

    8 Signs You Are Subtle Settling In Your Relationship & Overcome the Fear of Being Alone

    Do you often feel unappreciated by your partner?

    Do you avoid addressing issues to keep the peace?

    Today, Jay tackles a common yet often overlooked issue in relationships: subtle settling. He begins by acknowledging the pervasive uncertainty many people face about their partners and the fear of being alone that often drives them to stay in unfulfilling relationships. Is it true that the lack of current excitement or passion necessarily indicates settling.

    One of the key questions Jay poses is whether individuals feel they can be their true selves with their partners. He highlights the importance of authenticity in relationships, sharing anecdotes about how people often hide or underplay parts of themselves to be more likable, which ultimately leads to losing their true identity.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to foster emotional availability

    How to deal with unrealistic expectations

    How to ensure mutual respect in your relationship

    How to discuss important issues in a healthy way

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    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

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    07:18 #2: Do You Discuss Important Things In A Healthy Way?

    13:19 #3: Do You Feel A Sense Of Respect?

    15:36 #4: Are You Scared Of Being Lonely?

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    22:23 #6: Do They Understand Why You Are The Way You Are?

    23:53 #7: Can They Tolerate Your Weaknesses And Can You Tolerate Theirs?

    24:53 #8: You're Subtle Settling If It's A Financial Decision

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Anitta: 6 Ways to Heal Your Inner Child & Let Go of Past Trauma

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    What does healing your inner child mean?

    How can you heal from past trauma?

    Today, let's welcome Grammy-nominated global superstar, Anitta, who has become a leading artist of a new generation of Latin American music. Her album "Versions of Me" surpassed 1 billion streams on Spotify, and she earned a Grammy nomination for Best New Artist in 2023. Known for her energetic performances and bold personality, Anitta is also deeply spiritual, integrating various practices to maintain her well-being and authenticity.

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    Jay and Anitta also talk about the importance of staying grounded amidst success, sharing her daily routines that include meditation, energy cleansing, and connecting with nature. Despite facing criticism and backlash, she remains committed to expressing and celebrating her culture through her music and public appearances.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

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    With Love and Gratitude,

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    What We Discuss:

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    • 05:05 Meditation Practice
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    • 16:04 Successful But Unhappy
    • 29:24 Doing Things for Your Happiness
    • 37:04 Health Scare
    • 38:10 Healing Emotional Trauma
    • 42:46 What Are You Here For?
    • 45:19 Getting Off Birth Control
    • 51:12 Two Energy in One Body
    • 58:32 Society’s Double Standard in Dating
    • 01:01:38 Different Religion and Faith
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    • 01:16:10 Challenges and Hardships Along the Way 
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    • 01:35:21 Anitta on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    7 Habits to Be Present When Everything Feels Like It’s Moving Too Quickly (Busy People Listen Now)

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    And what are the benefits of slowing down in everyday life?

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    Jay recommends connecting with ourselves, looking at our schedule, and reaching out to loved ones. By waking up 20 minutes earlier than needed, this small change can set a calm tone for the day. And there is power in silence and spending time in nature. Silence helps reduce our brain's cognitive load, and being in nature makes us feel more present and less rushed.

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    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to slow down time

    How to change your daily habits

    How to plan for your day

    These small changes can make a big difference in how you experience time. Remember, there's more to life than increasing its speed. Let's slow down together and savor every moment.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:31 Time Flies By So Fast

    04:21 #1: Wake Up 20 Minutes Before You Actually Have To

    08:40 #2: One Device At A Time

    11:35 #3: Take 30 Seconds To Engage All Five Senses

    13:44 #4: Obey Speed The Limit

    16:32 #5: Being Present With Your Breath To Align Your Body And Mind

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    21:19 #7: Observe And Be Present In Nature

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Charles Leclerc: 6 Ways to Mentally Reset After Challenges in Life & How to Change Your Mindset on Learning From Mistakes

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    And what are the benefits of viewing challenges as learning opportunities?

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    In this interview, you'll learn:

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    • How to become number one
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    • The strength of an efficient team
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    Together, let's hear the untold stories and hidden truths behind the glitz and glamor of the race track. Tune in and prepare to be inspired by the unstoppable spirit of a true racing champion. 

    With Love and Gratitude,

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    • 02:12 Get to Know the Person Behind the Wheels
    • 03:09 If You Weren’t a Race Car Driver, What Would You Have Been?
    • 04:28 When Was the First Time You’ve Driven a Car?
    • 06:23 How Do You Prepare and Train for a Race
    • 09:21 Sleep is the Number One Priority
    • 13:40 How You React to Mistakes is Super Important
    • 14:47 Losing Focus Will Cost You a Lot
    • 17:34 Gratitude for the Team You Work with
    • 19:08 What Scares You Off Track?
    • 20:25 Channeling Grief into Growth
    • 22:19 “What Would My Father Want Me to Do?”
    • 23:19 Keep Important People Close Especially in Difficult Moments
    • 25:03 Always Stay Humble and Grateful
    • 26:08 In the Midst of Success, How Do You Stay Humble?
    • 28:23 What Criticism Hurts the Most?
    • 31:39 Car Racing Remains a Dangerous Sport
    • 32:55 Speed Isn’t the Only Important Part of F1 Racing
    • 34:19 Training is Different for F1 Drivers
    • 37:09 Have You Seen the Movie “The Rush”?
    • 39:07 Different Driving Experiences
    • 40:15 I Love Playing the Piano
    • 42:52 How Much Time Do You Spend with Family?
    • 44:47 The Incredible Racing Track of Ayrton Senna
    • 46:10 The Pros and Cons of an F1 Simulator
    • 48:19 On Lying About Signing the F1 Contract
    • 51:37 Is Driving a Lonely Sport?
    • 53:40 How Important Is It to Win the Championship?
    • 55:02 What Would You Say to Your Future Self?
    • 56:51 How Often Do You Work with Younger Drivers?
    • 58:56 “I Love What I Do But I Want to Be the Best.”
    • 01:00:27 Charles on Final Five 

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    6 Small Changes You Can Make Immediately To Have a Big Impact On Your Mental Wellbeing

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    Are you struggling with finding someone to talk to?

    What can you do during a mental health crisis?

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    Jay provides a blend of personal anecdotes, research-backed insights, and practical advice, making it a must-listen for anyone looking to improve their mental well-being. He wraps up the episode with a heartfelt message of support, reminding listeners that he is always in their corner, rooting for their success and happiness.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

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    How to improve at something you like to do

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    If you or someone you know is struggling, remember that there is help available. Let's work together to promote mental health awareness and support each other in our journey towards better mental well-being.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

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    00:00 Intro

    03:20 #1: Practice A Good Evening Routine

    09:24 #2: Plan Something For Yourself And Someone Else

    14:31 #3: Get Better At The Things You’re Good At

    17:13 #4: Coloring Books Helps Your Mind Relax

    20:13 #5: Spending Time Outdoors Helps Reduce Stress

    22:05 #6: Sugary Foods Weakens the Body’s Response to Stress

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Johann Hari: Uncovering if Ozempic is a Miracle Drug or Health Hazard & 3 Things They Do Not Want To Tell About Ozempic

    Johann Hari: Uncovering if Ozempic is a Miracle Drug or Health Hazard & 3 Things They Do Not Want To Tell About Ozempic

    What motivates your weight loss journey?

    How do you stay motivated when progress is slow?

    Today, Jay welcomes Johan Hari. Johan is an acclaimed writer and journalist known for his deep investigative work on topics ranging from addiction to depression. He is the author of best-selling books like "Chasing the Scream" and "Lost Connections," which explore the root causes of addiction and depression, respectively. His latest book, "The Magic Pill," investigates the new generation of weight loss drugs and their impact on individuals and society. 

    Johan shares the story of how he first learned about these drugs at a Hollywood party and his subsequent journey to understand their true effects. This journey took him across the globe, interviewing leading experts and individuals who have experienced the drugs’ effects firsthand. He candidly shares his own experiences with Ozempic, including the unexpected emotional challenges he faced as his long-standing relationship with food was disrupted.

    The conversation also explores the broader societal implications of widespread use of weight loss drugs. Johan and Jay discuss the potential for these drugs to change cultural attitudes towards body image and obesity, for better or worse. They consider the economic ramifications, such as the declining market for fast food and medical procedures related to obesity, and what this might mean for the future of public health.  

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to evaluate benefits versus risks

    How to navigate social stigmas

    How to deal with obesity

    How weight loss drugs could shape future societal norms

    The psychological reasons behind overeating

    This episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in the complexities of modern weight loss solutions, offering a balanced view that considers both the remarkable benefits and the significant risks.

    This interview took place at Soho Home at Soho Works 55 Water. 

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    You can pre-order Charlamagne’s latest book, Get Honest or Die Lying here: https://www.simonandschuster.com/p/get-honest-or-die-lying-preorder

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    03:30 Is the British Accent Authoritative?

    04:16 Biggest Misconceptions About Ozempic

    08:20 Three Ways to Treat the Magic Pill

    11:35 How Obesity Became a Health Crisis

    19:42 ‘I Don’t Feel Hungry’

    28:17 The Benefits and Risks of Weight Loss Drugs

    34:36 Shame and Cruelty Against Obesity

    47:09 Advocating for Body Positivity

    54:14 Is the Fast Food Industry Shrinking?

    57:26 Big Risks When Taking Ozempic

    01:06:34 Varying Clinical Results

    01:14:18 The Most Horrific Side Effect Recorded

    01:16:11 Is Ozempic Safe for Kids?

    01:19:22 Oprah’s Ozempic Challenge

    01:22:50 Is It Cheating?

    01:26:41 Investing in Weight Loss Drugs Research

    01:27:30 How Japan Is Able to Control Obesity

    01:37:01 The Cultural Models We Can Learn from Japan

    01:40:23 Better Eating Habits is Still Necessary

    01:42:52 Johan in Final Five  

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    How to Know if You've Been Lying to Yourself & Learn to Get Comfortable Being Honest With Yourself and Others with Charlamange Tha God

    How to Know if You've Been Lying to Yourself & Learn to Get Comfortable Being Honest With Yourself and Others with Charlamange Tha God

    Why is it challenging to acknowledge when you're lying to yourself?

    How can one maintain a habit of honesty in daily life?

    Today, let's welcome The Breakfast Club co-host Charlamagne tha God. He is a prominent media personality and New York Times bestselling author, best known for his candid approach to celebrity interviews and his advocacy for mental health. His latest book, "Get Honest or Die Lying," challenges readers to forego the superficial and engage in meaningful, transformative dialogue.

    Charlamagne shares his insights on the societal detriments of small talk and why  superficial conversations are not only a waste of time but also a significant barrier to meaningful human connection and understanding. He argues that the small, meaningless exchanges that fill our daily interactions should be replaced with deeper, more substantial dialogues that challenge, enlighten, and engage us on multiple levels.

    With Jay, Charlamagne explores the psychological and social impacts of engaging in—or avoiding—small talk. He illustrates his points with personal anecdotes and experiences, including his own struggles and breakthroughs in striving for more genuine interactions in both his personal life and professional endeavors. He stresses the importance of being present in conversations, listening actively, and expressing one’s true thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to initiate deeper discussions

    How to be honest in conversations

    How to set personal boundaries

    How to reflect on personal growth

    How to encourage others to engage

    This episode not only challenges listeners to evaluate the quality of their own conversations but also inspires them to make every word count in the quest for deeper understanding and genuine relationships.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    You can pre-order Charlamagne’s latest book, Get Honest or Die Lying here: https://www.simonandschuster.com/p/get-honest-or-die-lying-preorder

    This interview was held at Soho Home at Soho Works 55 Water.

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    03:01 Why Small Talk Doesn’ Work

    05:15 Be Honest About Your Feelings

    08:00 How Do You Stop Being Offended?

    09:27 Realizations During Therapy

    12:14 Not Setting Proper Boundaries

    13:32 Stop Being a People Pleaser

    16:50 Online Oversharing

    18:13 Detaching from Your Ego

    20:23 Getting Caught Up in Lies

    23:33 Passing Judgment on People We Don’t Know 

    29:09 Confronting a Cheating Father

    34:48 In-Tune with Your Visions

    39:21 Why Some Things Don’t Work

    42:36 Successful But Unhappy

    01:03:10 Don’t Make a Decision Based on Emotion

    01:06:32 Don’t Confine Yourself In Small Boxes

    01:13:24 Honest Conversations with Your Kids

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Laura Lynne Jackson: How to Know What Your Inner Voice Really Means & 4 Steps to Tap into Your Own Psychic Abilities

    Laura Lynne Jackson: How to Know What Your Inner Voice Really Means & 4 Steps to Tap into Your Own Psychic Abilities

    Why is it important to listen to your inner voice?

    How can you cultivate a stronger connection with your inner voice?

    In this episode, let's welcome Laura Lynne Jackson, a renowned psychic medium, author, and spiritual teacher, celebrated for her profound ability to bridge the physical and spiritual worlds. She has authored several influential books, including "The Light Between Us" and "Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe," which delve into the ways we can connect with the afterlife and harness our own psychic abilities.  She is widely respected for her compassionate approach and her commitment to helping others discover the transformative power of their own inner voices. 

    Laura shares personal stories and professional experiences that illustrate the transformative power of tuning into the inner wisdom. She outlines practical steps anyone can take to cultivate a stronger connection with their inner voice, such as meditation, reflective practices, and journaling. These activities help clear the mental clutter, allowing the inner voice to emerge more clearly and influentially.

    Jay and Laura also explore common challenges people face, like doubts and confusion about following this inner guidance, and provide reassuring advice on how to overcome these obstacles. Laura also stresses the value of trusting and acting on the insights provided by the inner voice, highlighting how this trust can lead to a more authentic, fulfilling life.

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to identify your inner voice

    How to cultivate genuine connection

    How to interpret your feelings

    How to trust your intuition

    How to apply insights to everyday life

    As you become more attuned to this powerful guide, you'll find clarity and direction in areas of life where you need it most. Don’t ignore it; embrace it and let it lead you to a more connected and fulfilling life.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    03:05 The Difference Between a Psychic and a Medium

    06:59 We All Have Psychic Abilities

    09:50 Discovering Your Own Ability

    17:31 My Brainwave Patterns Are Different

    22:04 The Psychic Abilities We Aren’t Aware Of

    32:17 Weakened Disconnection to Our Inner Voice

    35:50 Standing Firm with Your Moments of Knowing

    40:41 How to Reconnect with Disconnected Relationships?

    49:32 What Does Infatuation Mean?

    55:27 Vibrations of Love

    01:04:44 Living in the Present

    01:10:26 How Important Are Tangible Signs

    01:17:02 The Answers is Within Us

    01:23:14 Being Still Within Yourself

    01:25:19 Death Is Not A Dead End

    01:35:02 How to Connect with Your Soul?

    01:39:20 Getting Into Your Light Energy

    01:42:44 Laura on Final Five

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    10 Steps on How To Set Boundaries Without Offending People

    10 Steps on How To Set Boundaries Without Offending People

    Are you struggling with setting your boundaries?

    Do you want to know how to respectfully tell others about your boundaries?

    Today, Jay questions the traditional notion that a "good person" is one who never says no. This outdated definition leads to a lack of boundaries, which ultimately harms personal well-being. By redefining what it means to be a good person, one can recognize the importance of investing in themselves and navigating difficult conversations.

    What does setting boundaries truly mean? They are defined not by what we want from others, but by what we need for ourselves. Jay explains that boundaries should not aim to control others but should protect the individual from their own triggers and provides practical advice on how to communicate boundaries effectively, suggesting the use of simple, clear statements without over-explanation.

    In this episode, you'll learn:

    How to set boundaries without feeling guilty

    How to NO effectively

    How to communicate boundaries clearly

    How to handle other people's reactions

    How to build confidence in setting boundaries

    Don't wait to reclaim your time, energy, and peace of mind—take control and become the assertive, self-respecting individual you deserve to be.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    01:31 Boundaries Are Often Tough to Set

    03:45 #1: Redefine What Your Boundaries Are

    09:05 #2: Clearly Communicate Your Boundaries

    11:48 #3: Be Kind, Honest, and Empathetic to Other People’s Reaction

    15:07 #4: You Subconsciously Sound Defensive When Setting Your Boundaries

    17:53 #5: Plan a Buffer

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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