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    About this Episode

    Everyone is talking about healing our inner child, but what about our inner teenager? We experience certain things in adolescence that we don't experience as children and these can manifest in different behaviours, defence mechanisms and emotional wounds that continue with us into adulthood. Whilst the inner child is seen as gentle and vulnerable, the inner teen may be angry, misunderstood and lonely. So in this episode we break some some of the psychology and theories behind healing your inner teen, including the interactions with our hormones, certain life experiences and the impact of our first romantic encounters and sexual experiences. We also explore how we can release the rage of our inner teen, express those wounds and use the adult chair method to feel more connected with this past version. 

    The Adult Chair Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/4FzdV2nB2BZlywCxowM1Xw?si=080b7a4a392d4dde

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    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    🔑 Key Takeaways

    • Our teenage selves deserve consideration and care, and healing them is just as important as healing our inner child. Strategies like the adult chair method and reconnecting with nostalgic music can help us identify, reconnect, and move forward.
    • It is important to address and heal our inner child and inner teen in order to understand and heal our past selves, resolving conflicts between societal norms and our true selves.
    • Adolescence is a challenging time characterized by significant changes, higher rates of anxiety and depression, a struggle for independence, and the shaping of our self-concept. Our experiences during this time continue to influence our lives, highlighting the importance of self-reflection and understanding.
    • Acknowledging and processing teenage sexual experiences can help teenagers heal from trauma and develop healthier coping mechanisms for long-term romantic outcomes.
    • Addressing and healing emotional wounds from our teenage years can lead to healthier relationships and a sense of self-acceptance and belonging in adulthood.
    • Our experiences during adolescence, such as lack of emotional support and pressure to mature quickly, can shape our emotional well-being and behavior in adulthood. It is crucial to acknowledge and heal these wounds to fully understand and accept ourselves.
    • Our teenage experiences shape our adult behaviors, and healing our inner teen involves identifying their influence, acknowledging indicators, and addressing their needs for personal growth and self-acceptance.
    • Suppressing urges and emotions can lead to relapse and toxic cycles. Permission to connect with needs and express emotions in healthy ways prevents addictive behaviors and promotes healing.
    • Connecting with and healing our teenage selves allows us to understand how our past experiences shape our present, providing the love and support that our younger selves may have been missing.

    📝 Podcast Summary

    Healing our Inner Teenager

    Healing our inner teenager is just as important as healing our inner child. While it may be easier to forgive and show compassion to our childhood selves, our teenage selves also deserve consideration and care. Our teenage years are often filled with embarrassment, sadness, anger, rebellion, and frustration, which can manifest in impulsive behaviors, emotional outbursts, and self-sabotage. Despite the lack of psychological research on this topic, the foundational knowledge remains the same, and there is emerging literature on the impact of experiences like first sexual encounters. Rejection, exclusion, and parentification can contribute to our wounded inner teen. However, through strategies such as the adult chair method and reconnecting with nostalgic music, we can identify, reconnect, and move forward. Healing our inner teen requires deep retrospective and self-reflection.

    Understanding and Healing Our Inner Child and Teen

    Our childhood experiences shape our adult behavior and self-perception. Inner child healing helps us understand and care for our vulnerable inner child, showing them compassion and unconditional love. However, our inner team, which includes our inner teenager, is more complex. The age at which we experienced emotional and social wounds affects how they manifest. Teenagers undergo a rapid development phase, exploring their identity, values, and belief systems. They may rebel against societal norms as they try to establish their sense of self. This personal exploration is crucial for resolving the conflict between who we think we are, who society thinks we are, and our true self. Failing to navigate this stage successfully can lead to emotional and social wounds within our inner team. Overall, addressing both inner child and inner teen healing can help us understand and heal our past selves.

    Understanding the complexities of adolescence and its long-lasting impact on our lives.

    Adolescence is a complex and challenging time that involves significant biological, hormonal, and emotional changes. These changes, such as the onset of puberty, impact our brain structure, mood, and mental health. Teenagers, especially girls with higher estrogen levels, tend to experience higher rates of anxiety and depression. Additionally, the teenage years are marked by a struggle for independence, feeling misunderstood, and grappling with shame and societal expectations. These experiences shape our self-concept and can influence our behavior even in adulthood. Despite wanting to grow up quickly, teenagers lack the cognitive and emotional skills to fully process the adult experiences they encounter. It is crucial to reflect on how our experiences during adolescence still impact our lives and our need for approval from others.

    The Long-Term Effects of Teenage Sexual Experiences

    The age of a person's first sexual experience can have long-term impacts on their romantic outcomes later in life. Studies suggest that losing virginity during teenage years can result in profound effects, especially for women and their sexual desire. It is a powerful learning experience that often brings along trauma and a sense of suddenly growing up. However, our brains are not fully developed during adolescence, leading to difficulties in coping with adult responsibilities. Acknowledging and processing these experiences can contribute to teen healing and provide space to verbalize and process the pain, rejection, and alienation felt during those formative years. Signs of a wounded inner teen may include emotional reactivity, self-sabotaging behaviors, replicating early romantic experiences, holding onto resentment, and regressing to age-inappropriate coping mechanisms. These behaviors impact individuals differently, but they indicate the need for sustainable and productive healing during adolescence.

    The Impact of Teenage Experiences on Adult Behaviors and Relationships

    Our teenage experiences and emotional conflicts can have a significant impact on our adult behaviors and relationships. If we have experienced rejection or exclusion during our teenage years, it can create long-lasting psychological scars and affect our sense of self-worth and our need for belonging. This can lead to behaviors such as pulling away, acting cruelly, feeling anxious, or replicating negative romantic experiences, as we may be trying to protect ourselves from further hurt. Additionally, the need to hoard or collect friends, change personalities, or constantly fill our social calendars can be a subconscious attempt to avoid feeling alone or rejected. Understanding and addressing these wounds from our teenage years can help us develop healthier relationships and find a sense of self-acceptance and belonging.

    The Lasting Impact of Adolescent Experiences on Emotional Well-being and Behavior

    Our experiences during adolescence, including the lack of emotional support and the pressure to mature quickly, can have a lasting impact on our emotional well-being and behavior in adulthood. These experiences can lead to impulsive and risky behaviors, emotional reactivity, and a sense of defiance towards authority figures. Narcissistic parents and restrictive environments can further contribute to feelings of rebellion and anger. Major life changes during adolescence can also disrupt our development, leading to a sense of alienation and unresolved emotions such as frustration and resentment. It is important to acknowledge and heal these wounds from our teenage years in order to fully understand and accept ourselves, and to reach self-actualization.

    Understanding and Healing the Inner Teen

    Our teenage experiences can significantly shape our behaviors and beliefs in adulthood. Jemma reflects on her need to be liked and validated by others, leading to a fear of making mistakes and constantly seeking approval. This suppressed inner teen eventually resurfaced in rebellious behaviors and self-sabotaging actions. Jemma's journey to healing her inner teen involves identifying when this part of her takes control and acknowledging the indicators such as emotional reactivity and regression. Furthermore, Jemma highlights the influence of family dynamics, particularly in relation to money, on our spending habits in adulthood. Overspending can be a way to fulfill unmet material needs from adolescence. Recognizing and addressing our inner teen's needs is crucial for personal growth and self-acceptance.

    Embracing and Expressing Emotions for Healthy Healing

    Suppressing certain urges or emotions is not effective in the long run and may lead to relapse and toxic cycles. It is important to find an outlet and give oneself permission to connect with those needs and acknowledge their origins. For example, budgeting for "free spend money" allows for satisfying the inner teen's desires within limits. Anger can be channeled in a productive way, such as going to a rage room or engaging in physical activities. Giving permission to feel emotions and expressing them in a healthy manner prevents the development of addictive behaviors. When governed by the wounded inner teen, it's crucial to challenge negative beliefs and refocus on the life that has been created. Finally, using the three-chair method can help understand inner feelings and identify areas that need healing.

    Healing Our Inner Teen: Embracing Our Past for a Fulfilling Life

    There is value in connecting with our teenage selves and healing any wounds from that time. By engaging in introspection and self-awareness, we can understand how our past experiences have shaped us and integrate them into our current reality. This process allows us to address the needs of our younger selves and provide them with the love and support they may have been missing. It is important to be gentle with ourselves and avoid self-punishment, as it only reinforces our ego and guilt. Embracing who we were in the past, despite any mistakes or cringe-worthy moments, is essential to our journey of self-discovery. By acknowledging and healing our inner teen, we can fully understand ourselves and lead a more fulfilling life.

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