4 Essential Trust-Building Practices to Strengthen Relationships & Why You Shouldn't Let External Validation Control Your Life

Jay Shetty believes that happiness and success are not the same thing, and pursuing both intentionally and consciously is important. He feels that pursuing joy and presence and connection creates happiness in life, and the growth of success comes from building a podcast, writing a book, or building a company. Shetty is competitive, but he focuses on how he can do better than himself rather than how he can do better than others. He believes that purpose is not something you figure out in your head and then live, but it's something that you collect over time through skills, experiences, feelings, emotions. His underlying purpose is to dedicate his life to helping other people find theirs by making wisdom and ideas more accessible, relevant, and practical.

Creating educational content in an innovative way can make it more accessible and consumable. It can improve people's lives, and even elevate their minds through the entertainment they consume. Having a clear purpose that fuels you is more important than external results like followers, likes or sales. Jay Shetty's three-step method of Energy, Strategy, and Money (ESM) can help check if an opportunity aligns with one's purpose. The first step is to determine if the energy of the opportunity aligns with improving people's lives. Then the strategy is evaluated followed by assessing if the money is aligned with the purpose. Such a process can help to focus on the most critical aspect of a decision and decide accordingly.

Heartbreak hurts, and it's okay to feel the pain. We often base our self-value on someone else's view towards us, which can make us feel broken when they leave. However, our soul is unbreakable, and we are still valuable and lovable even when someone doesn't love us the way we want. The pain from heartbreak can lead to gratitude and appreciation for finding love again in a way that we could never have had without those experiences. Therefore, don't be discouraged if you've failed or lost love too many times, keep believing that love is possible and that you're lovable, which will make finding it even more beautiful.

We all have a first self, which is unbreakable and exists before, during and after every relationship. Trust is something that should be earned by both ourselves and others, and it has four levels: zero trust, transactional trust, reciprocal trust, and unconditional trust. Often we make assumptions about trust based on qualities we perceive in others, when we should start at zero trust and let them earn it. The higher level of trust we give someone, the more levels we have to fall. Trust should not be binary, and it takes time to develop to divine level of trust. It's important to apply this understanding of trust to prevent heartbreak and grief.

Building trust takes time and it's important to measure trust by the expectations you set for others. Giving away trust without earning it can lead to pain and disappointment. It's essential to understand what love means to the other person before saying or hearing 'I love you'. Love can mean different things to different people, and defining it beforehand can prevent misunderstandings. Rushing into a relationship or declaring love too early can set oneself up for failure. It takes 40 hours, 100 hours, and 200 hours of interaction to consider someone a casual friend, a good friend, and a great friend respectively, which proves that building strong relationships takes time.

It's important to understand how your partner views relationships and love to avoid setting false expectations. Movies and TV shows often romanticize unhealthy behavior and set up unrealistic standards for love. It's essential to separate love as an idea versus the person themselves, as well as to avoid putting pressure or making threats in a relationship. Instead of assuming everyone wants the same type of love, it's important to decipher and understand how your partner views commitment and relationships over time. True healthy love is built on understanding, respect, and communication. The Notebook and romantic comedies like it may be enjoyable to watch, but they can contribute to unhealthy misconceptions of love and relationships.

We should unlearn the societal conditioning and family beliefs that make us believe we are broken and in need of saving. Failure is a part of life and an opportunity to grow and pivot. We should stop asking if something is the right time and instead ask if we understand how it will change our life and if we like that change. Autobiographies and biographies can teach us the history of human beings and help us understand who we are and what we want for ourselves.

Learning from the failures of successful people can be inspiring as it shows that failure and rejection are normal parts of the journey to success. The earlier failures in life can have a profound impact on people, especially children, but it is important to see them as part of the path and not let them bring you down. Public speaking and performance can be daunting but facing the fear and pushing through failures can lead to personal growth. Celebrating diversity and culture can create a beautiful and educating experience for children, but it is important to approach it with sensitivity and respect. Studying the stories of successful individuals can offer valuable insights beyond just their accomplishments and success stories.

Childhood experiences can have a lasting impact on one's self-esteem and confidence. The fear of not fitting in can make one feel like a failure. Empathy and compassion for others can help heal our inner child. As adults, we need to teach our kids to be encouraging, supportive, and accepting of others. Feeling unlovable, unlikable, or unwanted can affect one's self-perception, but the love of a parent can provide a sense of safety. Childhood crushes and experiences shape our perception of relationships and love. Understanding the impact of these experiences can help us develop empathy and compassion for ourselves and others

Validation and attention are not the same as love. Seeking validation from others leads to hollow feelings and the need for constant approval. The monk experience taught Jay Shetty that the deepest form of validation is validating oneself by becoming the person one wants to be. The only person who can truly validate oneself is oneself. Seeking validation from others can be harmful, and detachment is a masterclass in how to deal with it. The monks taught Jay Shetty to validate himself and become comfortable with who he is, without needing others' approval. Seeking validation from others can lead to insecurities and can be harmful, whereas self-validation leads to deeper feelings of self-worth and contentment.

Jay Shetty shares his journey of doing what he loves for 10 years without recognition and emphasizes the importance of not letting criticism or celebration dictate the values of one's life. He emphasizes the importance of detaching oneself and making peace with the inevitability of irrelevance and insignificance in life. A good relationship with someone who values you for who you are, rather than what you achieve, can be a beautiful thing. He also stresses the importance of preparing oneself for inevitable challenges early on mentally and emotionally. Genuine friendships are more valuable than fame or recognition.

Jay Shetty's life journey teaches that it's okay to fail, change paths, and detach from negative people. It's important to practice daily detachment to avoid getting swept up. Leaving a dream job due to one's choices can sometimes lead to failure, but it's okay to try again. Failure is a part of life, and one should be cautious and vigilant in order to grow and succeed. Criticism can lead to negative thoughts and depressive moments, but one needs to stay confident and believe in themselves. Believing in oneself is the key to success and overcoming failures. One also needs to be open to opportunities and not give up on their dream.

Jay Shetty faced heavy financial and emotional challenges during his career, including debt, visa issues, and rejection from over 40 companies. However, he persevered and eventually landed a job at Accenture, where he started teaching meditation and mindfulness to his colleagues. This work caught the attention of a managing director who prioritized mental health, leading to further opportunities for Shetty. Despite feeling like a failure at times, Shetty learned from these experiences and overcame significant obstacles, demonstrating the importance of persistence, resilience, and a willingness to adapt to change. He also highlights the value of prioritizing mental health, both for individual well-being and for creating a positive workplace culture that supports employees.

Jay Shetty's experience of being broke and struggling for survival helped him discover his potential and fuelled a relentless pursuit of excellence, which he still lives off. It brought out an energy in him that he didn't even know he had, and now he knows which gear he can get to. The experience made him realise that you realise your potential when you're in pain and that you'll never realise your potential when things are going well. It's a special thing that he got from that experience. It also led him to start teaching meditation across the whole company and started a new chapter in his career.

Don't act out of character for anyone and don't just trust someone knows better than you, especially when it comes to people. Lead with your heart, lead with what you know best. Failure can be tough, but it's important to take responsibility and change your behavior. The best apology is changed behavior. Criticism can be discouraging, but always listen thoughtfully and find a balance between being affectionate and assertive in your leadership style. Acting tough and forceful may not always be the best approach. Don't let others define who you are or what you're capable of achieving. Trust yourself and your instincts to make the best decisions for you and your team.

Understanding the difference between guilt and growth can lead to personal growth. It is important to choose growth and become a better version of yourself rather than staying in a place of guilt and self-criticism. Just as it can be helpful to reflect on our missteps in a dance studio, it is also important to reflect on our relationships, not just to see our faults but also to mirror the positive. By choosing growth and spreading positivity, we can make our relationships better and benefit others. We should not let one person's experience define the rest of our lives and remember that endings don't always have to be fairy tales.

Reflecting someone's light back to them can magnify their positive traits, encouraging them to lean into the good they're doing. Acknowledging and appreciating someone's brightness can have a tremendous impact on them, as well as on ourselves. By being a mirror and reflecting others' light, we can help them see their own positive qualities and improve their day or even change their life. We should be sincere and authentic in our appreciation, and even a small gesture can make a huge difference. We can also meditate and reflect on someone who inspires, comforts or supports us, and think about how we can mirror their light. Ultimately, spreading light can help light up the whole world.