Podcast Summary
The Daily J: Mindfulness Tools for a Stress-Free Life : The Gottmans stress the importance of seeking kindness and reliability when choosing a partner, as it indicates their character.
In this episode of the On Purpose podcast, Jay Shetty introduces a new offering called The Daily J, a daily series on calm that provides listeners with tools and techniques to live a more mindful, stress-free life. Each episode is only seven minutes long, making it easy to incorporate into even the busiest schedule. In this episode, Jay welcomes renowned marriage researchers and educators Dr. John and Julie Gottman to discuss their new book, Seven Days to More Intimacy, Connection, and Joy. The Gottmans stress the importance of looking for kindness and reliability in a potential partner, emphasizing that how someone treats others is a clear indication of their character.
Acceptance and Authenticity in Relationships: It's important to be true to yourself in a relationship, rather than changing to please your partner or societal norms. Recognize and address any manipulation or control, and celebrate each other's unique beauty.
In a relationship, it is important for a person to feel accepted for who they truly are. Baggage from past experiences may lead someone to try and mold themselves into what they think their partner wants, but this often leads to feeling stifled and controlled. It takes time to realize when someone is manipulating or controlling you, but it is important to recognize and address it. People often struggle with being true to themselves because in society there is a culture of criticism and a need to fit into certain standards. It is important to acknowledge that each individual is unique and has their own beauty.
Creating a Clear Reflection of Yourself: To have healthy relationships, seek trusted individuals to talk about your experiences. Become self-aware and build self-esteem to rediscover passions for personal growth. Remember happy times for self-identification.
We need to create our own mirror that reflects our strengths and challenges without the distortions of others' mirrors of us. It is important to have self-awareness and self-esteem to have healthy relationships, and seeking people who you trust and talking to them about your experiences is essential for the building blocks of change. Following your own passions is also vital to rediscover yourself after a painful experience. Remembering a time when you were happy and fulfilled can help you identify your passions and be more self-aware.
Reconnecting with Your Passions and Finding Trust in Relationships: Rediscover yourself through your passions and prioritize finding a partner who values trust and connection over perfection. Keep in mind that there is no guaranteed list of qualities to look for in a partner.
It is important to reconnect with your passions and hobbies, as they can bring you joy and help you rediscover who you are outside of a relationship. Additionally, it is important to find someone you can trust in a relationship, someone who accepts you for who you are and thinks about what benefits both partners. In today's dating world with the paradox of choice, it can be difficult to know what to look for in a partner. Researchers have found that there is no set list of qualities that will guarantee someone liking another person, so focus on finding trust and connection instead of the idea of the "perfect" partner.
Fostering Safe and Trustworthy Relationships: Building trust takes time, but it starts with feeling safe. Relationships require meaningful communication and face-to-face interactions. Prioritize creating intimacy, connection, and joy rather than chasing perfection in your search for a partner.
In dating and relationships, it's important to focus on how you feel with the other person, both emotionally and physically. The key to building trust is feeling safe around that person. Trust takes time and effort to build, but feeling safe is an immediate way to start. It's important to ask big questions in relationships and focus on creating something meaningful with the person you're with, instead of constantly chasing perfection. Meeting up with someone face-to-face is essential and internet searches shouldn't be relied upon solely. There is no perfect formula or recipe for finding the perfect partner, but focusing on creating intimacy, connection, and joy can lead to a successful relationship.
The Importance of Recognizing We Can Never Truly Know Someone: Asking big, open-ended questions can help build intimacy and lead to deeper, more fulfilling relationships. Don't assume you know everything about someone - there's always something new to learn.
The idea that we can never truly know someone is important when it comes to our relationships with others, as we may discover new things about them even after years of being together. Asking big questions, which cannot be answered with a simple yes or no, is a great way to build intimacy and learn more about the people in our lives. It's important to recognize that we can't just assume we know everything about someone once we've been with them for a long time, as there is always something new to learn. This understanding can lead to deeper and more fulfilling relationships with our partners, friends, and family members.
Evolving Together: Staying Curious and Open in Relationships: In relationships, it's important to remain open and accepting of change, even when it challenges our own views. By asking big questions and staying curious about our partner's evolution, we can grow together like the sea.
As human beings, we are constantly evolving and changing, influenced by the powers and forces of the world around us. This means that if we don't continue to ask big questions, we may have an outdated picture of our partner in our minds. Building loving relationships with people means accepting everything about them, even the things that may be challenging for us. When our partner goes through an evolution or develops a new interest that we may not necessarily vibe with, it's important to try to understand their passion and what it fulfills in them. Love means staying curious and open to our partner's changing form, like the sea, and staying tuned to each other by asking big questions.
Being Adaptable and Understanding in a Relationship.: Accepting and valuing your partner's interests and passions, being willing to compromise and work together to find common ground can lead to a strong and lasting relationship. Communication and support are key.
In a healthy relationship, it's important to understand and accept your partner's interests and passions, even if they differ from your own. Being adaptable and flexible is key, and requires thinking beyond yourself and being open to compromise. It takes effort and maturity, but it's necessary for a strong and lasting relationship. Working together to understand and find common ground can lead to growth and discovery for both partners. It's okay for individuals to have different paths and beliefs, as long as they are willing to communicate and find a way to support each other.
The Importance of Embracing your Partner's Personal Journey: Supporting your partner's beliefs and experiences and focusing on the positives can deepen love and improve the relationship.
It is important to embrace and support your partner's personal journey, even if it may differ from yours. It is crucial to understand and acknowledge the value and significance of your partner's beliefs and experiences. Staying curious and understanding your partner's choices from a spiritual perspective can lead to a deeper connection and growth in love. Additionally, it is essential to appreciate and focus on the positive things your partner does for the relationship, rather than pointing out mistakes and criticisms. Research shows that people miss 50% of the positive things their partner does in an unhappy relationship, so actively noticing and acknowledging the positives can have a significant impact on the relationship.
The Importance of a Positive Relationship Mindset: Focusing on the positives in a relationship can improve health and longevity while a negative mindset can cause irritability and reduced cooperation. Appreciation must be shown meaningfully.
Focusing on the positive in a relationship is crucial to one's health and longevity. A negative mindset can make one more irritable, vindictive, and less cooperative. Studies show that viewing negative behaviour as a response causes a reduction in lifespan. However, changing one's mindset to appreciate and notice what's going right can increase positivity in a relationship. It's essential to show appreciation meaningfully and deeply rather than just repeating compliments that partners may not know how to receive. Sage shoes provide excellent support and comfort, making them perfect for women who walk for wellness.
The Power of Gratitude and Positive Habits in Relationships: Focusing on gratitude and positive habits, like saying thank you based on meaningful acts, can greatly impact relationships. Avoid comparing your partner to others and communicate directly with them about issues to build a lasting relationship.
It took the speaker two years to change their negative habits into more positive ones. They realized that focusing on themselves and being grateful for the good things in their life helped them see the world in a more positive light. The habit of saying thank you based on why the act was meaningful, rather than just a generic thank you, had a big impact on their relationship. It's easy to focus on the negative aspects of a relationship, but magnifying the positive qualities of a partner and not constantly comparing them to others is crucial for a lasting relationship. Small actions of comparison and negativity can lead to relationships that don't last. It's important to talk to your partner about your issues instead of venting to others.
The Importance of Commitment in Relationships: Consistency, empathy, and valuing each other are crucial for a lasting relationship. Trusting your partner and putting in the work are necessary for a successful marriage.
Commitment is the key to a lasting relationship. Both partners must focus on what they have and treasure each other. Consistency and empathy are important indicators of commitment. If your partner consistently shows up and treasures all aspects of you, it's a good sign. It's also important to feel valued, treasured, and loved for who you are. A marriage is about putting all your eggs in one basket and trusting your partner. Your partner is saying that you're the love of their life, and they have nothing else to offer anyone else. A relationship lasts if you're willing to put in the work and truly want it to last.
Bringing Love and Commitment to Relationships: Actively cultivate healthy relationships and inject adventure or intimacy, instead of relying on partners to magically create them. Identify connections that don't serve us and combat loneliness for overall well-being.
It's important to actively bring qualities like love, understanding, commitment, and consistency to our relationships instead of just looking for them in our partners. In today's society, people can be distracted, bored, or emotionally numb due to their own pain in life. Therefore, if we want to inject adventure or intimacy into our relationships, we need to be the ones to take action, rather than just hope for our partners to magically create something. It's also important to identify the connections in our lives that don't serve us and can contribute to feelings of loneliness. By actively cultivating healthy relationships, we can combat loneliness and increase our overall well-being.
Choosing the Right Relationships: Don't settle for just anyone when looking for connection. Take the time to assess if the person will nourish you or drain you. Building strong relationships takes effort but will help you escape loneliness.
When you're feeling lonely, it can be tempting to turn to the first person who comes along for connection. However, it's important to carefully assess people to determine if they are demanding, selfish, or draining. You need to evaluate what relationships provide true nourishment, even if it takes effort to forge the foundation of a strong new relationship. Building a sandcastle for cold water is a metaphor for taking the necessary steps to create relationships that give you strength and nourishment. Such relationships are like cold water in the desert - they will help you find your way out of the wasteland of loneliness.
