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    5 Different Types of People We Fall in Love With & Why Seeking External Validation is Negatively Impacting You (Special Episode)

    Love yourself, reflect on past relationships, identify outdated criteria, fulfill your own needs, and appreciate small gestures every day to build loving relationships without relying on grand gestures from your partner.

    enMarch 31, 2023

    About this Episode

    Today, I am going to share with you another snippet from my latest book, 8 Rules of Love. This time, we will talk about karma. Rule #2: Don’t Ignore Your Karma - in this chapter we take a look at how first and early impressions on love shape our future relationship choices, the different personality types we get drawn to and why, the tendency to look for validation from others when seeking love, and how we should learn from our past relationships. 

    You can order my new book 8 RULES OF LOVE at 8rulesoflove.com or at a retail store near you. You can also get the chance to see me live on my first ever world tour. This is a 90 minute interactive show where I will take you on a journey of finding, keeping and even letting go of love. Head to jayshettytour.com and find out if I'll be in a city near you. Thank you so much for all your support - I hope to see you soon.   

    Key Takeaways:

    • 00:00 Intro
    • 01:17 Rule #2: Don’t Ignore Your Karma
    • 05:04 The Karma Cycle - From the time we are born, choices are made for us.
    • 07:36 Karma and Relationships - This is how our early impressions affect our future choices
    • 12:01 Our expectations and desires around relationships are shaped after our earliest experiences of love
    • 17:34 Parental Gifts and Gaps - The four pillars that help us establish relationship dynamics
    • 24:54 No matter how imperfect the situation we were born into, we can learn from our karma
    • 28:29 Emotional Support - What kind of love and emotional support your parents have given you?
    • 31:00 We are hardwired to look outward to others for validation and satisfaction
    • 35:25 Scenemtic images of love set the standard for how love should occur and make us feel we aren’t achieving the level of romance that we should
    • 40:35 First Love - Our ideas of love are also shaped by our first loves
    • 44:15 Type #1: The Rebel - Adventure and mystery does not necessarily give way to loyalty and responsibility
    • 45:32 Type #2: The Chase - Getting drawn to someone who isn’t emotionally available
    • 48:08 Type #3: The Project - You’re not equals and you’re investing more in the relationship
    • 53:09 When you date someone who sleeps around and doesn’t want to commit
    • 55:31 The Opulent One: If someone is attractive we tend to assign positive attributes to them
    • 58:55 Reflect and learn from a past relationship
    • 01: What approach do you use to attract someone?
    • 01:08:33 What you want from someone else, first give to yourself  

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    Want to be a Jay Shetty Certified Life Coach? Get the Digital Guide and Workbook from Jay Shetty https://jayshettypurpose.com/fb-getting-started-as-a-life-coach-podcast/  

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    🔑 Key Takeaways

    • Our past experiences shape our present choices and future experiences. By being aware of our karma, we can break patterns of mistakes, make better choices, and find love that aligns with our values.
    • Our early experiences shape our thinking and responses, but we have the power to edit these impressions. By understanding how we formed our impressions, we can make conscious choices based on what we truly want.
    • Our past experiences, both with our parents and the media we consume, heavily influence our expectations and desires in relationships. By meditating on our younger selves, we can uncover unresolved emotional patterns and heal past wounds to take control of our choices and improve our relationships.
    • Our experiences as children with our parents and caregivers can shape how we view love and relationships as adults. Understanding and examining these experiences can help us communicate our needs and adapt to our partners, but we must also learn to find validation within ourselves.
    • Our childhood experiences can shape our actions and choices in relationships. Recognizing areas of improvement, setting reminders, and focusing on positive mantras can help break negative patterns and create healthier relationships. It's never too late to learn and make positive changes for our future.
    • Effective communication, self-awareness, and understanding external influences are crucial for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Don't rely solely on first impressions and take steps to reduce negative expectations.
    • Media, such as movies and advertisements, can create unrealistic expectations and lead to conflict in our relationships. It's important to consider the individual's needs and not blindly follow societal expectations.
    • We must learn from our mistakes and choose partners wisely. Building a relationship is crucial, and we should avoid becoming a caregiver. Playing hard to get only creates attraction but doesn't establish a long-term bond.
    • In relationships, it's crucial to strive for a balanced partnership where both parties support each other instead of being fixers or dependents. Great sex shouldn't be the only deciding factor; focus on shared values and goals for a fulfilling relationship.
    • In relationships, don't just focus on looks or achievements. Take time to observe qualities and actions, learn from past experiences, and seek mutual respect and goodness in a partner.
    • Present yourself authentically to attract genuine connections. Don't rely on temporary qualities like wealth or appearance to impress others, and be aware of your own motivations in seeking a partner.
    • Love yourself, reflect on past relationships, identify outdated criteria, fulfill your own needs, and appreciate small gestures every day to build loving relationships without relying on grand gestures from your partner.
    • In order to improve your happiness and relationships, identify what you want to receive from others and provide those things for yourself each day. Positive self-talk and daily self-care practices can also help prepare you for love.

    📝 Podcast Summary

    Understanding Karma to Attract the Right People

    According to Jay Shetty, we attract what we use to impress, and sometimes we end up attracting the wrong types of people. In his new book, "Eight Rules of Love," he discusses rule two, "Don't Ignore Your Karma." Karma is the law of cause and effect, and every action produces a reaction. It's not about punishment or reward; it's about using past experiences to make better choices in the present. Therefore, we should be aware of the impressions we receive and the choices we make, as they shape our future experiences. By understanding our karma, we can break patterns of making mistakes in relationships and find love that aligns with our values.

    The Power of Curating and Editing Early Impressions

    Our early experiences create impressions that shape our thinking, behaviors and responses throughout our lives. However, we have the power to curate and edit these impressions by choosing what we watch and who we listen to. If we don't like the consequence of a choice made based on an impression, we can revisit it and form a new one. Understanding how our impressions were formed and how we make choices can free us from repeating the same patterns. By creating new impressions through trial and error, we have the opportunity to break free from the samsara of our childhood and make conscious choices based on what we truly want.

    The Impact of Early Experiences on Our Relationships

    In order to make better decisions in relationships, we need to learn from our past experiences and identify our patterns of behavior. Our earliest experiences of love, including those with our parents or guardians and the media we consume, can heavily influence our expectations and desires in relationships. The younger self meditation is a powerful tool for uncovering unresolved desires and insecurities that still influence us today. By understanding these emotional patterns, we can take control of our choices and let go of negative impressions. It is essential to recognize and heal wounds from the past before they interfere with our present and future relationships.

    How Childhood Lessons Shape Our Ability to Love and Be Loved

    Childhood experiences with parents and caregivers shape our relationship dynamics in adulthood, including how we love and receive love. If a child has emotionally healthy parents who teach them about protection, caretaking, loyalty, and sacrifice, they learn to identify these qualities as love. However, if a child has emotionally unhealthy parents, they may unintentionally memorize negative lessons about love such as suffocation or dependence. These childhood experiences can create both gifts and pitfalls in our relationships, and we must examine and be aware of our expectations and where they come from to communicate our needs and adapt to our partners. Ultimately, we must find love and validation within ourselves.

    Understanding the Influence of Upbringing and Parental Relationships on Our Own Relationships

    Our upbringing and relationship with our parents can greatly impact our actions and choices in relationships. It's important to recognize the gifts and gaps from our childhood and how they affect us in our current relationships. Rather than focusing on what our parents should have done, we can learn from our karma and use it to guide us towards the relationships we want. By identifying areas of improvement, setting reminders, and repeating positive mantras, we can break negative patterns and create healthier relationships. It's never too late to learn from our past and make positive changes for our future.

    Insights on Love & Relationships by Jay Shetty

    It is important to ask before assuming, reduce before reacting, and remove negative expectations. Communicating with your partner about these efforts can lead to greater understanding and patience in the relationship. Secondly, it is crucial to look inward and fulfill our own emotional needs rather than relying on others. Awareness of childhood influences and media's portrayal of love can guide us in making healthier romantic choices. Finally, first impressions are often unreliable, and our environment plays a significant role in how we perceive potential partners. Understanding these factors can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

    How Media Influences Our Ideas of Love and Relationships

    Media influences, such as movies and advertisements, shape our beliefs about love and relationships from a young age. These influences can create unrealistic expectations and lead to conflict in our own relationships. For example, the diamond industry's marketing led to the belief that spending two to three months' salary on an engagement ring was necessary to show love. However, it is essential to consider the person in front of us and their needs rather than blindly following societal expectations. First loves and early romances can also impact our ideas of love and relationships, but as we age and develop self-control, our passion becomes tempered by reason.

    Lessons from Karma in Relationships

    Karma teaches us important lessons, and if we don't learn from them, we will keep repeating the same mistakes. This applies especially to relationships, where we are often drawn to the wrong types of people. We need to be conscious of who we are choosing and why, and make sure they fit what we want in our lives. Playing hard to get may create feelings of attraction, but it doesn't help establish a long-term relationship. It's important to focus on building a relationship rather than the thrill of the chase. Additionally, we need to avoid becoming a caregiver in a relationship and make sure we are equals.

    Creating a Balanced Partnership in Relationships

    In relationships, it's important to examine the role we play and strive for a balanced partnership where both parties are supporters of each other, rather than fixers or dependents. Acting as a fixer can make our partner feel like a child, and being dependent can hinder our personal growth. The hormone oxytocin, released during sex, can cloud our judgment and make us feel closer chemically, but not necessarily emotionally. It's important to consider whether great sex is worth staying in a relationship that doesn't align with our values or goals. Striving for a partnership where both parties learn and teach each other can lead to a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

    The Importance of Looking Beyond Superficial Traits in Relationships

    When it comes to relationships, it's important to be aware of the halo effect and not base our attraction solely on one trait or characteristic, such as attractiveness or achievement. Instead, we should spend time getting to know someone intimately and observing their qualities and actions. Reflecting on past relationships can also help us learn and grow, leading to better choices in the future. We should aim to attract the kind of partner we want by focusing on the qualities that make a good partner and entering relationships from a place of goodness and mutual respect, rather than just seeking temporary opulences like money or beauty.

    Presenting Ourselves: The Key to Attracting the Right People

    The way we present ourselves to the world determines the kind of people we attract into our lives. When we use wealth, physical appearance, social status, or intellect to impress someone, we may end up with a partner who values us only for those opulences, and not who we truly are. It's important to present ourselves as who we want to be, rather than who we think others want us to be, otherwise we will attract strife into our lives. Similarly, we should be aware if opulences are the only things that attract us to a partner, as these qualities are temporary and won't last in the long run.

    Building Healthy Relationships by Loving Ourselves First

    We should build relationships where we are loved for what we love in ourselves, and not try to fill our emotional gaps through a partner. This means taking the time to reflect on what we love about ourselves and our past relationships, and identifying outdated criteria that may be influencing our judgments. We should also give to ourselves and fulfill our own needs, rather than expecting a partner to fill them. By attending to our own needs in small ways every day, we can feel appreciated, respected, and loved without relying on grand gestures from our partner.

    Treat Yourself the Way You Want Others to Treat You

    To improve your own happiness and well-being, start by treating yourself the way you want others to treat you. Identify gaps from your past and ask yourself what you want to receive, such as appreciation or respect. Then, work on providing those things for yourself every day. Replace negative thought patterns with positive ones and set aside time each day to fill your own gaps. Start and end your day with one thing you can do to improve your day. These practices will help prepare you for love and improve your relationships. Remember, love grows by practice.

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    What can you do daily to care less about failing?

    Today, Jay sits down with Benny Blanco for an inspiring conversation about pursuing passions, mentorship, failure, and continuous motivation. Benny has made a huge mark on the music industry contributing to hundreds of millions of album sales worldwide. Benny has worked with A-List artists like Ed Sheeran, Justin Bieber, and Katy Perry. As a solo artist, his albums "Friends Keep Secrets" and its sequel have amassed over 11 billion streams, featuring multiple platinum hits. Beyond music, Benny has ventured into television and even released a cookbook, "Open Wide," showcasing his diverse talents and interests

    Benny shares insight on how to not let failure stop you and getting over imposter syndrome. We also go dive into Benny’s life outside of music, exploring his passion for cooking through his cookbook "Open Wide." Plus, Benny talks about his relationships, how he keeps his creativity flowing, and the small joys that make his life special.

    In this interview, you’ll learn:

    How to pursue your passion with limited resources

    How to not let failure get in your way of achieving your goals

    How to embrace the unexpected in creative work

    How to transition your passion into different fields

    How to find joy and creativity in everyday moments

    Don't miss this intimate look at Benny Blanco's life and maybe learn a thing or two about making your own multi-track masterpiece or the perfect dish to serve at dinner!

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    03:43 What’s the First Creative Thing You Put Together?

    06:15 I Never Cared About Failure

    10:33 Developing Amnesia to Failure

    14:22 How Did You Meet Your Mentor?

    18:10 “The Boy I Mentored” 

    23:42 How Do You Show Up After a Rejection?

    26:51 Love Can Be Felt Through Music

    29:56 What Do You Do When You Wake Up?   

    32:02 Why Do You Struggle with Meditation?

    33:28 Why I Went to Therapy

    38:25 The Pressure of Perfectionism

    44:49 Do You Love to Cook?

    47:20 Do You Eat Healthy?

    48:47 Finding Comfort in Food

    54:42 What’s Your Sleep Pattern?

    56:40 Friendships Built Over the Years

    59:19 Multigenerational Friendships

    01:03:44 Better Relationship After Divorce

    01:05:52 Benny on Final Five   

    01:15:57 What’s Your Vice?

    01:17:53 Do You Take Supplements?

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Why Your Self Worth is Keeping You Stuck & How to Stop Sabotaging Your Personal Growth With Jamie Kern Lima

    Why Your Self Worth is Keeping You Stuck & How to Stop Sabotaging Your Personal Growth With Jamie Kern Lima

    How does low self-worth stop you from moving forward?

    How can you stop self-sabotage and grow personally?

    Today, let’s welcome Jamie Kern Lima. Jamie is a New York Times bestselling author, founder of IT Cosmetics, a company she started in her living room and sold to L'Oreal in a billion-dollar deal, becoming the first female CEO of a brand in its 100+ year history. She's also an active philanthropist who has funded leadership training in more than 100 prisons and shelters across the US, and has donated over $40 million in product and funds to help women face the effects of cancer with confidence. 

    Jamie and Jay ponder on the meaning of self-worth, distinguishing it from mere confidence and challenging the misguided belief that our value is tied to our physical appearance. We get to hear the detrimental effects of self-doubt and present empowering strategies to transform your relationship with rejection, offering a new perspective that fosters resilience and self-compassion. 

    And then the conversation dives deep into personal beliefs, urging us to identify and discard unhelpful misconceptions, while giving emphasis on why authenticity is crucial and its role in conjunction with other factors in achieving success. 

    In this interview, you'll learn:

    How to build self-worth

    How to distinguish confidence from self-worth

    How to handle rejection

    How to overcome self-doubt

    How to remain authentic

    Together, let's learn how to distinguish your worth from external validation, turn rejection into a stepping stone, and live authentically.

    With Love and Gratitude,

    Jay Shetty

    What We Discuss:

    00:00 Intro

    03:17 Do You Feel Worthy Today?

    10:04 Confusing Confidence with Self Worth

    17:37 Your Weight Impacts Your Worth is a Lie 

    24:03 What Has Self Doubt Cost You?

    31:25 How to Change Your Relationship with Rejection

    37:02 The 4-Part R to Reframe Rejection

    44:00 You Need This Today

    48:13 Which Lie Are You Trying to Unlearn? 

    56:32 Authenticity Alone Doesn’t Guarantee Success

    Episode Resources:

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.