Logo
    Search

    101. The psychology of ghosting

    enJune 23, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • The phenomenon of ghosting and its impact on relationshipsUnderstanding why ghosting happens and finding healthier ways to end relationships can prevent us from being ghost stars, and responding with anger or chasing the ghoster is unlikely to provide closure.

      Ghosting, the act of ending a relationship by suddenly cutting off all communication, has become a pervasive experience for those in their 20s. It can be detrimental to our self-worth and self-esteem, leaving us without the closure we crave. People ghost for a variety of reasons, including emotional unavailability, personality traits like narcissism and psychopathy, attachment style, people pleasing, and conflict aversion. Responding with anger or chasing after the ghoster is unlikely to provide closure or bring peace. Instead, understanding why we ghost and finding healthier ways to end relationships can help prevent us from being ghost stars. Ghosting is not only a phenomenon in romantic relationships, but also in friendships and work relationships.

    • The Rise and Impact of Ghosting in Modern Dating CultureGhosting is a hurtful practice that can activate negative thought patterns, but it is often due to the emotional unavailability of the person who ghosts and is not the fault of the person who is ghosted.

      Ghosting refers to the act of suddenly cutting off all contact with someone without any explanation. It has become more prevalent due to the rise of internet dating and the anonymity of social media. This practice is often found in short-term relationships or in the early stages of dating. People who ghost are often emotionally unavailable and use it as an easy way out to avoid accountability or honesty. Ghosting can activate negative thought patterns and is similar to rejection. However, the reasons behind ghosting are often related to the personality, emotional intelligence and unavailability of the person who ghosts. It's not the fault of the person who is ghosted and is their burden to carry.

    • The Red Flags of Ghosting: Understanding Emotional IntelligenceGhosting is a warning sign of emotional unavailability and undesirable personality traits. Cultivating emotional intelligence can prevent future heartbreak and lead to healthier relationships.

      Ghosting is a sign of emotional unavailability and a lack of emotional intelligence, particularly empathy. People who ghost tend to have undesirable personality traits such as narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. It's a red flag and a blessing to be ghosted by someone with these traits as you don't want to be with someone who doesn't respect emotional boundaries and lacks empathy. Emotional intelligence involves managing your own emotions and recognizing others' emotions, including effective communication and empathy. Understanding these concepts can help prevent future emotional suffering and ensure healthier relationships.

    • Understanding the Link between Dark Triad Traits and Ghosting in RelationshipsPeople with high levels of dark triad traits such as narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy may resort to ghosting to maintain control, prioritize their own needs, or lack empathy. However, even people-pleasers may ghost out of fear of disappointing others. Ghosting ultimately causes more harm than good by leaving the other person to figure it out by themselves.

      People with high levels of dark triad traits like narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy may be more likely to choose ghosting as a way to end a relationship. Narcissists prioritize their own needs above the feelings of others, whereas Machiavellians may use ghosting as a tool to maintain control and power. Psychopaths lack empathy and don't feel a sense of responsibility or guilt for the emotional impact of their actions. However, not every person who ghosts can be labeled as a psychopath or narcissist. People-pleasers may also resort to ghosting as they fear disappointing others. While it may seem like the nicer thing to do, ghosting ultimately causes more harm than good by leaving the other person to figure it out by themselves.

    • The Psychology of Ghosting and How to Use It PositivelyGhosting can cause psychological distress but can also be a learning opportunity. Honesty is important, as avoiding difficult conversations may indicate emotional unavailability. Respect is a basic human courtesy.

      Ghosting can be psychologically challenging for the person being ghosted because it denies closure, which our brains crave. It also leaves us feeling powerless and causes us to provide our own (usually incorrect) explanations for the rejection. However, while being ghosted is unfortunate, it can be used as a learning opportunity. In some situations, ghosting is actually a way to prevent emotionally volatile or unsafe confrontations. Regardless, honesty is the best policy when possible. Difficult conversations are necessary in any long-term relationship and avoiding them may indicate emotional unavailability. In the end, being ghosted is not a reflection of one's worth and respect is a basic human courtesy that we all deserve.

    • Understanding the Negative Impact of Ghosting on Our Mental HealthGhosting can cause negative emotions and trigger the same neural pathways as physical pain, disrupting our self-perception and leaving us feeling powerless. Regain control by reframing the situation and removing the urge to reach out.

      Ghosting is a form of rejection that can lead to a range of negative emotions like sadness, shame, and anger because the brain perceives it as a threat to our social standing and inclusion. It can trigger the same neural pathways associated with physical pain. The silence created by ghosting can destabilize our self-perception and worldview, leaving us feeling vulnerable and uncertain. No response is the most powerful response, as ghosting is often a way for some people to assert their power and entitlement. Closure can be achieved by framing it in a way that puts us in control and gives us agency. Silence is the loudest sound when it comes to ghosting, and removing them as a potential stimulus can help avoid the urge to reach out.

    • Dealing with Ghosting: Reasons and Lessons Don't blame yourself for being ghosted, instead use it as an opportunity to grow emotionally, learn empathy and honesty in your own relationships. Stay confident, don't let others' opinions affect you or resort to ghosting.

      Being ghosted is painful, but it's important to remember that it's not your fault and to not let it affect your self-confidence or sense of self-worth. The person who ghosted you is most likely emotionally unavailable, emotionally unintelligent, or a people pleaser, and probably wouldn't have made for an emotionally satisfying future partner anyways. Use the disappointment as a lesson to respond with empathy and honesty in your own future relationships. Remember that other people's opinions don't matter unless you let them, and don't stoop to ghosting others. Honesty is always the best policy. Rest in your own power and confidence, and know that the right person would never treat you this way.

    Recent Episodes from The Psychology of your 20s

    205. A mental health update

    205. A mental health update

    Since the beginning of this show I've been super open about my mental health so I thought I'd share an update (the bad, the good and the really good). Let's normalise talking openly and honestly about what we're going through even when its not pretty  or aesthetic. Thank you for all the support!

    Mental Health support in your area: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/ 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    204. Should we be thinking about kids in our 20s?

    204. Should we be thinking about kids in our 20s?

    The thought of having children in our 20s feels like an incredibly adult decision, and is one a lot of us probably don't consider. We want to protect our youth and our freedom a little bit longer, or perhaps have decided we probably will never want children.

    But whether you want to have children or not, having a clear understanding of your future intentions or choices, your reproductive health, the kind of person who might make a good partner, and therefore parent, is important. More information, more foresight actually equals greater freedom and sometimes time to decide. 

    We break down: 

    • Why you should be thinking in your 20s
    • The pros and cons of having children in your 20s 
    • The argument for NOT having children 
    • Fertility
    • Milestone anxiety and the pressure to find someone 
    • Your stories of pregnancy, parenthood and fertility in your 20s

    Listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

    For business enquiries: psychologyofyour20s@gmail.com

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    203. Why do we feel unloveable?

    203. Why do we feel unloveable?

    Struggling with our self worth can often impact how deserving we feel of love. This sense that we may be 'unloveable' causes us to miss out on healthy, fulfilling relationships, self sabotage and stay with people who don't deserve us. In today's episode, we discuss: 

    • The origins of why we feel unworthy of love
    • Childhood wounds 
    • Early romantic scripts and teen romance 
    • Repeated rejection and shame
    • The consequences of feeling unloveable 
    • Repetition of toxic relationships
    • How to restore or rediscover your sense of self worth and self love 

    And so much more. Listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    202. Body dysmorphia

    202. Body dysmorphia

    All of us have insecurities when it comes to our appearance, but what happens when these become obsessive and a point of fixation? In today's episode we break down the psychology and pathology of body dysmorphia, including: 

    • The origins in childhood experiences
    • Family history and influence 
    • The differences in expression between men and women
    • The relationship between body dysmorphia and cosmetic surgery 
    • The influence of toxic gym, diet culture and 'bigorexia'
    • How false beliefs influence behaviour 
    • Dating with body dysmorphia, and more

    Listen now! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    201. 5 scientific ways to ACTUALLY be happier

    201. 5 scientific ways to ACTUALLY be happier

    We all want to be happier, but are probably sick of hearing about 'exercising more, eating better, sleeping 8 hours'. In today's episode we break down FIVE evidence based tips that are simple, accessible, actionable and inexpensive for becoming a happier person and the research that proves it: 

    1. Focus on platonic love over romantic love
    2. Small acts of kindness + how we are spending our money wrong and why its making us less happy 
    3. The importance of a project 
    4. The healing power of nature + what bacteria and dirt have to do with it 
    5. Let yourself wallow 

    Listen now! 

    Buy notebooks here: https://the-psychology-of-your-20s.myshopify.com/ 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast Instagram here: @thatpsychologypodcast 

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    200. Going 'no contact' and why it works!

    200. Going 'no contact' and why it works!

    Going 'no contact' after a breakup or relationship breakdown is promoted as one of the best ways to move on from an ex. But why is that the case, and what is the psychology? Is it always that easy?

    In today's episode we break down the psychology of going 'no contact': why it works, the science, when it's necessary and how to stay committed, even when it feels impossible. Listen now!

    Our notebooks are OUT NOW: https://the-psychology-of-your-20s.myshopify.com/ 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    199. The struggles of job hunting in our 20s

    199. The struggles of job hunting in our 20s

    You're not imagining it! The job market is getting harder, especially for 20-somethings who are entering the job market for the first time and trying to find their path. In today's episode we break down the psychological toll that the job hunt takes on us, the constant rejections, unrewarded effort, resentment and frustration. We also discuss why our generation has it tougher and it's not just a you problem but also how to improve your odds and keep your head up! All that and more, listen now :) 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    198. The psychology of ‘mommy issues’ and mother wounds

    198. The psychology of ‘mommy issues’ and mother wounds

    Our mother wounds represent the unprocessed trauma and insecurities we pick up from the dynamic we each have with the women who raise us and shape us. In today's episode we break down the psychology of our mother wounds including their origin, their impact and their manifestation, from our body confidence to our competition with other women, our ability to trust and connect, our fear of disapproval and chronic people pleasing. 

    We also explore ways to heal this wound, both in collaboration with our mother and on our own. Listen now for more! 

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    197. Stop being PASSIVE in your life ft. Girls with Goals

    197. Stop being PASSIVE in your life ft. Girls with Goals

    We often think the secret to not being passive in our lives is to fill up our days, set countless goals, always be striving for progress and productivity. What if we told you the secret was slowing down? In today's episode I am joined by Caroline and Ann Catherine from Girls with Goals as we discuss: 

    • What it beens to be passive vs. active vs. intentional
    • How to create momentum 
    • Why big, long term goals aren't the secret to success 
    • How to develop a healthier relationship with yourself and your spare time

    Follow Girls with Goals here: @girlswithgoalspod

    Find Girls with Goals wherever you get your podcasts. 

    Follow Jemma here: @jemmasbeg 

    Follow the podcast here: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    196. My toxic relationship with productivity

    196. My toxic relationship with productivity

    In today's episode we're going old school, back to a good old fashioned chatty sit down episode and life update. I have been recovering from a pretty terrible bout of tonsilitis and it's made me realise...I have a toxic relationship with productivity. Even when I'm sick I can't slow down, and I don't think I'm alone. 

    We also discuss how I'm finding living alone, a little relationship update and how it feels to have finished my book! All that and more, listen now! 

     

    Follow Jemma on Instagram: @jemmasbeg

    Follow the podcast on Instagram: @thatpsychologypodcast 

     

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Related Episodes

    #37 Inventer une vie à soi : cracker la parentalité, body langage, trouver son sex, love ou life partner & se faire l’amour (Edoni part 1)

    #37 Inventer une vie à soi : cracker la parentalité, body langage, trouver son sex, love ou life partner & se faire l’amour (Edoni part 1)

    Salut à toutes et à tous, aujourd’hui on reçoit Aurélie, sexologue et fondatrice d’Edoni , des programmes d’accompagnements digitaux pour avoir une sexualité plus épanouie.

    • On a parlé de sa vie de maman solo et de comment elle a réussi à inventer une vie qui lui ressemble ;
    • On a discuté de sa façon de se connecter aux autres, et des signaux corporels qui lui donnent de précieuses indications sur ses partenaires ;
    • On a aussi parlé de plaisir, de se faire l’amour à soi et de multi-orgasmes.

    Retrouvez plus d'infos sur le compte Instagram d'Edoni


    Bonne écoute !  

    _____

    Vous aimez CHIT CHATTES ? Miaulez-le nous ! Partagez le podcast à vos potes, laissez-nous 5 étoiles ou un petit commentaire chaton, ça fait toujours plaisir.

    _____

    Vous pouvez nous suivre sur :

    https://www.instagram.com/chitchattes_podcast/

    _____

    Réalisation & Production : CHIT CHATTES Team

    Musique : Scott Holmes Music

    Power & Powerlessness: Escaping the power paradox

    Power & Powerlessness: Escaping the power paradox

    What happens to us when we get pumped up on power or deflated by powerlessness?  Does power corrupt us or does it set us free? And how can we escape, what psychologist  Dacher Keltner calls, the "power paradox"?

    Do you have the power to help people and animals in Ukraine? Here are some of our favorite organizations in urgent need of donations:

    You have the power to talk to us:
    Instagram:
    @talkpsychtomepodcast
    Email: tp2mpodcast@gmail.com

    Produced by Scarlet Moon Things
    Co-hosted by Brian Luna and Tania Luna
    Theme music by Barrie Gledden, Kes Loy, and Richard Kimmings

    226: Sarah's Acting Job, Mythbusting, & Mommy & Me Fashion

    226: Sarah's Acting Job, Mythbusting, & Mommy & Me Fashion
    Sarah busts out a food fun fact that blows our mind. We learn about a company that will rent a family to you if you've lost a loved one or are estranged from your family. Sarah talks about how an airline keeps a dead body closet in case somebody dies mid-flight. Susie shares the history of Mommy & Me fashion. We debate the Yanny/Laurel phenomenon. Plus, we interview Mythbusters star, Kari Byron about her career, being a woman in a male-dominated field, & being pregnant on TV. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.