The Marriage Fit Podcast

Hosts Alan and Susan have been gone from the show for a little over a year. They never intended for it to be that long. Today's show helps explain where they have been and what's been happening?

The Low

Today's show starts with the topic of the passing of Susan's father. Ken Ulrich spent the summer of 2021 with them, which was the last time they recorded. It's been a whirlwind of emotions and activities. Susan, as you'll hear, just wasn't able to bring herself to talk about it or record new episodes. However, after completing over 80 miles on the Appalachian Trail and being able to spread some of her parents ashes on the date of her father's birthday, she was ready to get back to recording.

The Highs

After going through the death of Susan's dad and the emotions that went along with it, Alan and Susan recap the relationship with "The Boy." They now can call him their future son-in-law! On top of that, their oldest daughter is also engaged to be married. The whirlwind continues, but on a much more positive note. Christmas is approaching, so Alan and Susan recount their last Christmas and some of the activities they did Christmas Eve.

They wrap up the show recapping their summer nostalgic beach vacation with their girls. The two older brought their significant others, while the youngest brought three friends. Alan and Susan discuss about how nice it is to have true friendships with their adult children. They count their blessings, knowing their kids like to spend time with them. Alan and Susan both admit what a special feeling it is to be able to stay so close with their children even after they are starting their own lives.

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan give some advice to our younger selves. The old saying is youth is wasted on the young. By the time you've lived long enough to figure things out, your energy is faded. But, Alan and Susan have learned, you can always make changes in your life, no matter how far along you are. Many times it's fear or worry that prevents us from succeeding or trying new things. Sometimes it's regret or a sense of not measuring up to where you think you should be in life. We seem to be wired for negativity and to harbor emotional baggage. So, looking back at their lives and some of the lessons they've learned, Alan and Susan share their advice to the younger version of themselves.

Where to find us

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening. 

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan wanted to take an introspective look at themselves as they approach the mid-point of the season. Before they get into that, they first take a moment to explain their hit-or-miss absence with the show in the last few weeks. They have really been enjoying time with Susan's dad, but also concerned about getting him on the mend. They know time can rush by, and they want to take advantage of the time they have.

As they move into the topic of the episode, Alan opens with a series of questions for each of them to answer. Both Susan and Alan suggest you invite your significant other to listen and participate. You can literally play along as the two of them go through 10 introspective questions. In the end, Alan and Susan both know there is always more to learn about each other.

As they wind down, Susan reminds the audience that our bodies need to be maintained so they can last as long as possible Much like a car, you can get more years of reliable driving when you take care of it. We only get one life to live, so we need to make the most of every moment.

Where to find us

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening. 

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan discuss making memories, focusing a lot on making those memories with your kids. We were on the road and recording on a cell phone, so the quality of the episode is lower than usualy, but hopefully it will not be a distraction. At the open, Alan and Susan discuss taking a weekend trip and how those jaunts are part of their own memory making. This led to the discussion of Susan's recent birthday dinner with the rest of the family. While enjoying the celebration, discussion arose over beach vacations. The girls remember the summer trips to St. Augustine fondly.

It has been many years since they took a vacation together. Suddenly, with all the good emotions coming from storytelling, the idea came up to try to do return trip to St. Augustine next summer. This discussion leads to some side trails dealing with child-rearing and some challenges their daughters gave them. Also, both Alan and Susan recognize the need for parental boundaries with children. It's great to give them freedom to express themselves, but there needs to be a clear line between parent and child. A parent's job is not to be their child's friend. Rather, once the child reaches adutlhood, that's the appropriate time to soften the parental role in favor for a more friend-like one. By the end, both Alan and Susan recognize we all make mistakes with child rearing. But, the important take-away is to learn from your mistakes and not be afraid to ask for help/advice from professionals if you are overwhelmed.

Where to find us

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening. 

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan refer to this episode as sharing a word about exes and how they can affect the peace and stability of your new marriage. Each of them takes a moment to look back at how life after re-marriage was affected by the presence of their respective exes. Alan reminds the audience about the book, Love Your Children More Than You Hate Your Ex, by previous guest, Dr. Larry Waldman. That title is the best piece of advice for the new marriage. It's a lot harder in practice, but it must be the goal.

Alan spends time recounting the custody fight in court and the unsettling aspects that occured. Susan then opened up and shared about her separation and divorce. Both exes presented significant challenges to them and they had to work through those issues by putting their kids first. Ultimately, through the passage of time, kids grow up and begin to have their own lives. The irony of being custodial parents is even though the kids live with you more, you will not necessarily see them more. As the episode wraps up, Alan and Susan both encourage listeners who might be about to embark on the same journey to have serious discussions about it. The second marriage is bound to have much more baggage than the first. Don't go into it blindly.

Where to find us

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening. 

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan come to terms with the realization that sometimes life gets in the way. Over the past two months, many of their weekly routines have been interrupted. Everyone has a different threshold for feeling overwhelmed. Susan admits her nature requires order around her and when things turn chaotic, it can have an immediate affect on her. Alan admits that while he can roll with changes more easily, it can eventually lead to a point of total overload.

The two decided to have a discussion prior to recording the episode, leading to the idea of having a regularly scheduled meeting time to discuss life. It's important to note having a plan does not mean the plan will always come to fruition. However, it does not mean giving up or ignoring barriers. Making a conscious effort to address the changes and deal with unplanned events will help to lessen their overall impact. Everything that happens in life is a stressor. Some are good, while others bad. Each person has their own threshold before those stressors begin to create fear, anxiety, panic, depression or even anger.

Alan and Susan hope, by talking about these stressors in a calm and constructive way, they can avoid their more deleterious effects down the road. Finally, recognizing that sometimes life gets in the way, they both have pledged to get back to routine workouts and meal planning to help re-center their focus and get back on the path toward making things fit rather than throwing a fit.

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening. 

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan are joined by counselor, Dr. Larry Waldman, who works with families, blended families and children. Being in a blended family themselves, a lot of the discussion Alan and Susan bring up focuses on Dr. Waldman's work with counseling divorced people who are getting into a new relationship. The discussion moves through finances, parenting and determining how much to involve your children. Dr. Waldman illustrates his points by recalling various clients he has helped over the years.

The first half of the discussion does focus more on negative issues surrounding second marriages and the blending of families. To shift direction, Alan uses the second half of the interview to push the discussion toward positive suggestions Dr. Waldman can give to listeners. All three share stories about how children are a lot brighter than many believe, especially how intuitive they are. At the end of the episode, Dr. Waldman shares the titles of his books and his website, which has a lot of solid information available. You can also purchase his books from his website. 

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If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan are joined by licensed family therapist, sex therapist and clinical psychologist, Dr. Viviana Coles. Before bringing Dr. Coles' into the conversation, Susan describes her return from a salt room. She has been suffering from significant sinus pressure and knew the salt room could help. After describing the room and the session, it's time to talk about sexual intimacy.

Dr. Viviana Coles can be seen on Lifetime's hit reality TV show, Married At First Sight and it's sequel, where she shares her proven methods of repairing broken intimacy bonds and rekindling sexual intimacy in long-term committed relationships. As a doctor of marriage and family therapy, a licensed marriage and family therapist, a certified sex therapist and president of the National Sex Therapy Institute. Her insights have been featured on Newsweek, iHeart Radio, Access Hollywood and E! News.

We start with how Viviana decided on a career in therapy. Her schooling led to a focus on sex therapy and she continued to expand her education. She loves to find ways to rekindle intimacy and strengthen that element of long-term relationships. Alan and Susan discuss her reality show first and that leads to a discussion of how easy it is for couples to lose their spark. Much of the discussion centers around taking an active role in strengthening intimacy.

Her latest book deals with how to create a well-rounded view of intimacy. She calls it, "The 4 Intimacy Styles." In her view, a healthy intimate lifestyle will have a balance among all four of the intimacy styles. You can take a short self-assessment quiz on her website to help determine where you are today and then learn how to boost areas that might be lacking.

As the interview winds down, Alan and Susan both thank Dr. Viviana Coles for her time and ask her to promote her book, her website and her social media. Her practice in Houston does engage in remote sessions. So, if you are in need of someone with her focus to help you in your own relationship, please reach out to her. She takes questions and tries to host a monthly video session on her YouTube channel where she tries to answer as many questions as she can. She really wants to help couples rekindle that spark and keep it growing for the rest of their lives.

You can order The 4 Intimacy Styles online from her website. You can take the quiz there as well. And, you can find her on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and YouTube.

Rate, Review, Share and Follow!

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

Hosts Alan and Susan start off discussing their impromptu vacation to Daytona Beach. With both having their own businesses, budgeting for a vacation also means taking into account lost income. This immediately leads to a discussion over finances.

Many couples and marriages end over financial disagreements and debt. Alan and Susan take the audience through some of their own trials and tribulations related to finances. They hope you will maybe learn a few things from their mistakes. They also offer some advice, including the five kinds of spenders and tips for saving. By the end, hosts Alan and Susan put forth a challenge to themselves and the audience to pick a day (or a week) to not spend any money other than for budgeted items.

Rate, Review, Share and Follow!

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan interview licensed therapist, Scott Bonk, M.S., LMFT, about seeking help when your relationship needs it. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. The episode starts with a brief overview of Scott's background and his nearly three decades of being a counselor. Alan and Susan discuss the concept of having some individual passions as well as shared ones. As the conversation evolves, the trio hits topics of communication, intentionality, connection and nurturing. All of the above require constant work and dedication. Scott believes we need to feed our relationships as often as we feed ourselves. Plus, if we put nothing but junk food in our bodies, we are not going to have a healthy body. The same applies to relationships. Scott is also a big proponent for changing settings from time-to-time to create a sense of adventure. Date nights out are great, but maybe schedule an overnight stay somewhere once a quarter.

Alan and Susan then recount the Love Language knowledge they gained from knowing each other's Do's and Don'ts. The conversation evolves to cover intimacy and sex. Scott points out that women need to feel love and connection, which leads to intimacy, whereas men are wired the opposite. Men will often let the intimacy lead to feelings of love. So, why are we wired totally different? Scott believes it is so we will be forced to communicate with each other.

But, counselors are not miracle workers. If either person in a relationship does not have a willingness to grow or change, the relationship will shrivel. A good counselor will be honest with you and not keep you in a no-win situation. The sooner issues can be addressed together, the better off couples will be. It's an ongoing continuum requiring constant attention. But, as Scott says, life is supposed to be fun and if you are willing to grow individually, you will grow in your relationship. It's important to be vigilant for when complacency starts to set in, which can lead to taking your partner for granted.

The episode ends with Scott saying he would be willing to help anyone find the right resource if you reach out to him. He has a website and does serve clients throughout NW Georgia.

Rate, Review, Share and Follow!

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

In today's episode, hosts Alan and Susan answer a listener's question, who wants to know how they got together? The irony of the recording is it falls directly on their wedding anniversary. The story starts with both of them having forgotten it was their anniversary. Again! This is not the first first time Alan and Susan have let the date slip. To understand how that happens, they begin by setting the clock back many years.

Both hosts reflect back on some early warning signs they missed in their first marriages. Alan comments he played the game of ignore the problem and maybe it will go away. Tracking some parallels, both Alan and Susan recall their divorces and the days, weeks and months following. Neither ever planned to get married again. But, an event occurred that Alan remembers as being the first time he realized he wanted to take care of Susan. Even after, it was the kids who first proposed a family merger. The thought became reality.

Due to a clause in Alan's divorce agreement, a quick marriage by the Justice of the Peace had to happen. So, even though neither thought they would get married ever again, here they were, back in the bonds of matrimony!

The episode then dives into Susan flying up to drive with her dad down to Georgia for a visit. Part of the visit will also mean Alan taking a few days off to go to an extended family gathering in Florida. As he says, everyone needs to take some time off even if you love what you do.

In closing, Susan discusses the concept of using it or losing it and how important flexibility is toward physical health. She has been working with her dad to get him back in better shape. And, with all of the crazy scheduling, Alan and Susan didn't make time to record videos on some basic stretches. However, they vowed to make it happen this week.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan open with a recount of Susan's latest weekend jaunt on the Appalachian Trail in NE Georgia. Hiking the Appalachian Trail is something Susan feels drawn to doing since becoming an empty-nester. The weekend get-away popped up quickly and like the title of the show, she was able to "fit" it into her schedule.

Susan and her friend Deb met several folks on the trail. The spent the evening chatting around a campfire. One of the women they met was a medical doctor and her skills came to bear on another hiker who had gotten a chunk of wood stuck in his hand. The doctor, Tiffany, actually has her own YouTube channel (Lamonde Wellness). She uses her channel to document her adventures on the Appalachian Trail as well as health/wellness tips. Susan then discovered the young married couple in their party (whose husband had the injury) that the wife, Tatiana, also has a YouTube channel (Tati Talks).

The discussion then rolls into how we are all individuals. We should not be made to feel badly about having unique passions. A couple needs to have common interests, but it's okay to have separate passions, too. And, both people need to learn not to pressure the other. Couples also need to have flexibility in their expectations. It's better to learn how to bend rather than break. Alan and Susan even have a brief side-trail discussion over their tastes in movies, which reveals even more about the two of them.

They wrap-up with tips on how to get into hiking shape for those who many want to try it. And, as part of the fitness discussion, Susan and Alan plan to do some basic daily stretches. Susan suggest they will film them to post on the podcast's social media accounts.

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If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan discuss clutter in our lives and how to deal with it. Before getting into the topic of the day, Alan and Susan spend a few moments discussing their week, including a large room renovation in their home. Alan admits he never likes when Susan decides on a new project, but has always enjoyed the updates when completed. The weekly recap makes for a nice transition into today's topic.

Clutter can exist in many forms, too. We learn there is physical clutter, but there is also digital, emotional and relationship clutter. All of them can have an adverse reaction on a person's happiness. Though all four areas are mentioned, Susan spends most of the time discussing the physical disorganization around us. She also gives several suggestions on how to declutter and organize. Since having disorganization in our lives can lead to stress, Susan suggests learning how to meditate to calm your mind and even suggests an app to help.

Rate, Review, Share and Follow!

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan continue going through the NYT piece called, “36 Questions that Lead to Love.” They first open by recounting their recent camping trip. Their inflatable bed saw it's last days and had to be replaced. As to the rest of the week, it was great to be outdoors and by the lake.

Then they move onto the second half of the questionnaire. The questions continued to get darker and more reflective. However, some of them seemed to presume the two people answering had just met. For Alan and Susan, their long-standing time with one another made answering some of the questions difficult. What they eventually came to realize was the exercise was still mostly applicable to them. What was most interesting was learning what the other person thought of their significant other.

Susan's challenge for each and for the audience, is to try complementing your significant other each night. It is so easy to nit-pick and gripe, but we often forget to mention what we like about each other. Alan and Susan would love to hear how you felt about the questions and if you plan to employ the challenge of complementing each other?

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If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan go through the first 18 question from a NYT piece called, "36 Questions that Lead to Love." Susan recalls how their daughter, Lexie, once had them go through it and how it made for a wonderful evening. Susan and Alan go through the first 18 questions, saving the remaining questions for the next episode. They both suggest listeners can pause after each question, playing along at home, while listening to the episode. By the end, Alan has a challenge for Susan. While they are going to be gone camping, he wants her to try to keep the Serenity Prayer in mind.

Rate, Review, Share and Follow!

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan, fresh off an Easter dinner with family, discuss the many challenges and pitfalls in managing in-laws. Pulling on their past experiences, including past relationships, they discuss a lot of lessons learned. The biggest one they learned is setting clear boundaries and sticking together. It's easy to say, but sometimes harder to implement. Communication is also a big component in avoiding, or at least minimizing, tension. Also, they both agreed to keep a sense of humor. It's very easy to make erroneous assumptions about the traditions or habits of the in-laws. Throughout, both Alan and Susan remind themselves, at some point, THEY will be the "in-laws." While trying to understand better ways of dealing with their own in-laws, they want to be open to communication with any future son or daughter-in-laws. At the end, Alan shifted to a new conversation starter question: If you could have lunch with anyone, living or dead, who would it be and why?

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan recap some of the feedback they received from the previous show on the 5 Love Languages. Susan also recounted a story about how her and three other girlfriends have been on a fitness challenge.

The couple then move into a discussion about the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse. Rather than discussing the ones from the Bible (famine, war, pestilence, death), there are different ones that can end relationships. They are, criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling. Alan and Susan then take an honest approach to breaking each down. Both hosts admit where they have the strongest failings so they can strive to be better. And, just like with the 5 Love Languages discussion, everyone exhibits all of these bad habits. However, some will be much stronger than others. Still, the goal is to recognize conflict happens in relationships, but there are better ways to manage the conflict. We don't want to let the four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse ride roughshod over each other for fear of causing irreparable harm.

As Alan and Susan wind down, Alan adds a new element to the show. He was researching conversation starters for couples and decided to introduce one for them to discuss. As to the fitness component, Susan wants everyone to get outside and get more fresh air and sunshine. Studies reveal how many suffer vitamin D deficiencies and there is no better source for it than sunlight.

Rate, Review, Share and Follow!

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan embark down a discussion over the varying kinds of love languages. Before sitting down to record, they separately took an online assessment. Then, they both came together to discuss their findings without sharing ahead of time. Susan's primary love language is Acts of Service while Alan's is Words of Affirmation. While Alan and Susan agree they started as best friends, they are wired differently. Susan places a high value on getting help with household chores and other tasks. If those are ignored, it can make her feel unappreciated. For Alan, he places a higher value on getting honest words of affirmation or feedback. For him words are more important than actions, which is opposite for Susan. But, there isn't just one love language. One may be more dominant, but they all carry some weight.

The rest of the episode is dedicated to going through through secondary languages and those that bore little weight. Throughout, the two of them recognize, it's more important to know what your partner's love language is than it is to know your own.

The fitness component was a reiteration that keeping your relationship fit is just as important as physical health. Alan and Susan suggest taking the assessment every now and then just to bring about the discussion. It can also serve as a reminder of what your partner perceives to be important versus your own ideas. Neither is wrong. But, learning to understand what makes the other respond is a good place to start for building an even better relationship.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan spend time recapping her 4-day backpacking and camping trip on Cumberland Island. Alan takes on the role of interviewer for the first half of the podcast. Susan starts with a story of finding a closer site at the last minute, just by checking online. The first day started with the ferry ride through the fog to even get to the Island. Once there, they setup camp and began to explore for the rest of the day. Susan had to admit her disdain for buying a pair of Crocks went away after that first day of walking 12 miles. Susan then recounted each day's adventures with her friend, Deb, and Deb's daughter, Lauren. They lost track of the number of birds, but saw well over 50 wild horses over their 4-day stay. Susan also talks about being fascinated by watching armadillos and having a raccoon visit their campsite. They also saw a mama dolphin and her baby swimming along the coast. They walked over 20 miles the next day and then biked over 30 miles on their last full day. That's why being fit and staying is shape is so important in being able to cross off those bucket list items.

After recapping the trip, the discussion moved into couples learning how to be selfless. This doesn't mean being okay with always being apart. Rather, it's important to know when your spouse has a passion and when you do not. That is healthy. What is not healthy is to try to dominate your partner over everything. Even Alan, when Susan asked him, thought it would be worth a try to go to Cumberland Island sometime.

The episode ends with a fitness challenge for Alan to make sure he is walking more, in preparation for future camping trips. He agreed it was something he could do more and is happy to do it.

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If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.

In this episode, hosts Alan and Susan discuss being together apart by first looking back to how they discovered a love of camping. It started with a small tent over a weekend at Red Top Mountain. Over time, they slowly acquired more gear. They didn't invest all at once. They had to learn what worked each time they went and what they were missing. The discussion was really about learning how to grow their love of something they could do together. But, it's equally important to know how to do things apart. Where Alan likes the "glamping" style of being outdoors, Susan also likes to backpack. This often means wilderness camping, which does not appeal as much to Alan. Guess what? That's okay. Rather than impose their wills on each other, they realize it is okay to have separate pursuits. If one were to force their will on the other, it will only lead to resentment and worse.

This leads to a story Alan relayed to his daughter about workplace relationships. If you let someone else continue to get away with actions that irritate you, but say nothing, it will never get better. But, the longer you wait, the worse it gets for you. Learning to communicate early and directly seems so cliche, but is still so hard for many to do.

The show then ends with a fitness discussion over vitamin D and how important it is to get directly sunlight a few times a week. So many get up before dawn, spend their day in an office and return at sunset. Vitamin D is so important to a healthy and robust immune system. Plus, sunlight has been shown to improve energy and attitude. So, make a point of getting outside in the sun 3-4 times a week.

If you enjoy the show, please take a moment to like us on Facebook and follow us on Instagram and Twitter. You can also learn more about us and the show by visiting our website. Finally, take a moment to rate, review and share. Thank you so much for listening.