Ambition Without Compromise

Often, we tell ourselves that the key to expanding our leadership is merely becoming better at asking for help or refining our delegation skills. But what I've unearthed in my work as a coach to CEOs and leaders is that the challenge goes deeper than tactics and tips. It's not just about optimizing to-do lists or honing delegation strategies; there's a profound internal barrier between us and the help we seek.

Join me on this exploration of the struggle of asking for help and the complexities surrounding delegation. I’ll dig into the fears of appearing incompetent, needy, or even abusive when asking for help (especially as women and POC) .  I’m also dissecting the misconception that unlimited capacity equates to competence and pull back the covers on how shifting our perspective can transform our leadership dynamics. 

Press play to tune in as we peel back layers and challenge the narratives that may be holding us back from authentic and sustainable leadership.

GEMS DROPPED

"What I am constantly finding is that it's not about the tactics, it's not about the tips, it's not about the tricks, it's not about optimizing your to-do list, not at least at first. That's not the first step. There's something that runs much deeper within us around what feels like a barrier between us and the help that we want to better leverage”.

“Building this skill, building confidence and comfort, around asking for help, employing help, receiving help, it's gonna be make or break for whatever it is that you're trying to build. It creates a ceiling immediately if you can't move through this and expand and grow this part of yourself.”

“I think women and people of color, we can carry a great deal of undue pressure on our leadership design… that maybe makes us account for too many variables. Trying to hold too many things, and maybe not always the things that matter the most.”

“There is a level of thoughtfulness that we try to bring to our own leadership, to not repeat and not recreate a culture around reckless and uncaring delegation, and I think that there's a weight to that intent that we carry around …being better, trying to be more thoughtful… that just adds another layer of pressure to what it means to ask for help, what it means to delegate or to set expectations for someone else… what it means to be responsible when you are occupying a position of a great deal more power within a power dynamic, trying to be respectful and responsive to that.”

“You're wanting to make sure that basically, the team knows that you can handle hard shit, that the team knows that you have horsepower, that they can believe in your work ethic, and your ability to handle things… but what's happening, because you have such a focus on this, on proving to this team, appearing to this team that you have what it takes, and essentially, that you are strong, is that you are conflating capacity with competence. Meaning, you’re trying as hard as you can to always appear competent through how infinite your capacity is, which it's not.”  

“When we're focused on, I just need to be the strong one that's getting all the things done, we don't create space for relationships and for what really needs to be invested in here.” 

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

I've been reflecting on my self-discovery journey, facing challenges and pondering profound questions this season. Recent conversations, especially those delving into my middle school experiences, have revealed personal truths and beliefs related to my sense of belonging.

Sharing these experiences isn't just about my journey but aligns with a broader theme observed among powerful women. As we navigate success, visibility, and seniority, we often compromise spaces where we can be authentic. This episode delves into the significance of investing in spaces that foster thriving, full expression, and true belonging. 

It's time to prioritize our humanity, transition from survival to thriving, and acknowledge the immense potential in embracing our authentic selves. Join me as we explore this crucial investment in our well-being and growth.

GEMS DROPPED

"In the absence of belonging, my basement was that people would respect me …if looking for and embracing and trusting that belonging wasn’t available to me, that at the very least, I didn't go seeking anything beneath basic respect.”

“A big important part of our core and important part of this work for you, is to allow yourself to feel that you want to belong… to feel the wanting, to feel the desire, allow yourself to feel that. It's okay …you deserve to want that as opposed to just saying, well, I'm not going to assume that I belong, but I will assume respect and how do you know when one of the ways that we can think of respect is like a proxy for it, that can be sort of symbolic.”

“Especially in this day and age, we have got to cling to the things that bring us back into our humanity. We have got to. And when you're operating as the powerful woman, the woman who knows when you're operating at this level, and you have big dreams, big aspirations, and you've got the track record, you can look back and you can say look, check my receipts. I do the things, I operate in a big way, and I have every intent of doing what feels expansive. We're discounting this key aspect of what it looks like to grow and belong and make things happen as a fertile, loving collective.“

“As you become more and more successful, the more wealth you have, the more seniority you occupy, the more visibility that you have, there are fewer and fewer spaces where you can be your own human self, your real true blue, honest, quirky, full self because cameras are on, people are watching, your team is looking to you, everybody needs something from you. And so people don't always see you as human. Even those who are cheering for you.”

“Our humanity carries with it a tapestry of really critical energies– our true personalities, our preferences, our quirks, who we actually are. It’s an energy that is meant to be expressed. It is meant to flow. And when it is caged in and bottled up, because you are on a pedestal, you are on a platform, everybody is looking to you and you have to button the shit up, and you need to look a certain way, you need to say a certain thing, you need to…”

“Not everybody has the capacity to negotiate their own identities in the distance between your reality and theirs with personal security. People sometimes can't maintain their own self- esteem in your presence.”

“The privilege of just being able to be who you are out loud in front of people, bear and real and raw you, that has immeasurable value.”

STAY IN TOUCH

Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Today's episode focuses on a crucial perspective shift for high achievers who have hit all the targets and are now facing brand new questions and a career crossroads.

Listen in as we explore the significance of introspection, identifying our true passions, and the value of taking small steps towards aligning with our inner artist on our journey of self-discovery and transformation as we redefine success beyond mere achievement. 

This episode serves as a reminder that transcending the constraints of achievement opens doors to a new level of fulfillment. Tune in and let the shift begin.

GEMS DROPPED

"Achievement has a cut-off point; it's time to shift from being the achiever to embracing the artist within."

"In a world of achievement, there's a scarcity hierarchy baked in because not everyone can reach the top. It's time to redefine success beyond achievement."

"Transitioning from achievement to artistry requires letting go of the need to constantly prove oneself and embracing the unknown of creating your own path."

"Being a high achiever is like playing by a fixed menu; stepping into artistry means creating your own secret menu, even if the page is blank."

"As an artist, you need to be in touch with your sensory being, understanding what activates you, where you shine, and what uniquely belongs to you."

"The shift from achiever to artist involves doing a whole lot less, embracing stillness, reflection, and the less tangible, yet powerful, work of creation."

"You're no longer qualified for roles you excelled in decades ago; your value now lies in the invisible, visionary work that sets the stage for impactful change."

"Transitioning to artistry requires taking small steps, aligning with an executive coach, therapy, or activities that nourish your inner creative being."

"Your job is to prioritize activities that resonate with your inner artist, even if they seem unrelated to traditional notions of success."

"Embrace the discomfort and grieving process of letting go of old identities; prioritize wisdom, vision, and time freedom to enact the influence you desire."

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Reflection season is here, and I'm delving into the experiences of the past year, contemplating what truly matters. In today's episode, we uncover the layers of self-discovery and transformation, emphasizing the importance of doing the real work we often avoid.

Join me on this deep dive as we concentrate on the four pivotal buckets of meaningful connections and personal growth and why when we nurture them, everything else falls seamlessly into place.

This episode is your invitation to embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. Cheers to undertaking the real work in 2024!

GEMS DROPPED

"The real work is more murky, not always gratifying, but important for the experiences we desire in the coming years."

"The real work starts with healing, childhood stuff, therapy – the core that yields new outcomes within yourself."

"Your body has to be set up for success; it informs your thoughts, creativity, and innovation. You've never seen your peak performance until your body is right."

"Investing in community and relationships can skyrocket your dreams with half the effort because you're no longer doing it alone."

"Sometimes it's just the fact that there is someone else holding space for your dream alongside you that makes the difference."

"Time and energy constraints often hinder building friendships and community, but it's about the quality, not the quantity, of time spent together."

"It's not about the superficial tasks and planning; the real work is diving into the emotional and healing aspects, the work we often avoid."

"Most of your relationships are lopsided; you're constantly the giver, fixing others' problems. Meaningful connections require a thoughtful design space."

"Connection and vulnerability can lead to love in a moment with a stranger, but we're not taught to have trust in open-ended spaces with friends."

"Put yourself into spaces designed with intention and care to achieve the depth you crave in relationships."

"It's important to have both - the little Kiki moments and the depth that anchors into something real."

"Connectedness requires thoughtfulness, especially in the pace of life as a business leader."

"Don't avoid the real work in the depth of friendships and community; it's crucial for success and feeling good about your success."

"Spirituality is personal; it's what makes you feel connected, hopeful, and alive. It goes beyond religious beliefs."

"Arriving at success without spiritual investment feels empty; integrate spirituality into the journey for a fulfilling destination."

"Focus on healing, health, friendship, and spirituality; when you nurture these buckets, everything else falls seamlessly into place."

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

I'm buzzing with excitement after leading an incredible retreat with a group of amazing black woman CEOs. Now, I'm ready to dive into a topic that's been on my mind for a year: coaching. It's a tricky thing to explain because there are a million different types of coaches out there and the term has come to mean a lot of different things.

So, in this episode, I'm breaking down what coaching means to me, shedding light on its benefits, and helping you conceptualize it in your own way. I've jotted down seven key areas that I believe capture the essence of my coaching philosophy.

Join me as I share my thoughts on coaching, drawing from what's reflected back to me from my clients, and highlighting what I excel at as a coach. Let's get into it!

GEMS DROPPED

“The type of person for whom coaching is a little more urgent, is the person who self identifies as the giver and structurally exists this way in their community, network, family, etc. …there is a mental and emotional labor that comes with playing this role in any group or community. When you're always the provider, it makes it easy for you to also feel really alone.  …To be the person that most people look to for something. The role of coaching for this person is that you can finally be in a space with someone who is entirely committed to your thriving and has no personal attachments or agenda for you outside of you getting exactly what it is that you want.”

“The benefit of not feeling alone is something that is terribly hard to quantify. But I think we all know just how life changing it can feel to go from being in a state of loneliness to a state of “Oh, somebody's in my corner… somebody is dedicated to me… has no separate agenda… is not attached to my decisions, and the bounds of the relationship are formalized and set up so I can trust that I can fall back into that structure and not feel alone in my own head and on my own journey.”  

“Coaching helps us get behind ourselves, examine why we're moving the way we move, giving us explicit permission to pause, asking us the right questions to help us get intentional, to examine our pace and to reset it to feel like we are actually self directed and that we are not being led by some false pace that has been set out in the ether by whoever, whatever, out in the world, all these pressures that make us feel like we need to be doing stuff that we maybe don't need to be doing.”

“Coaching provides you the space and the freedom and the safety for that inner little you to still show up, be seen, noticed and taken care of. There is something really, really, invaluable to be in space with someone who can create room for all aspects of you, all dimensions of you, all little ages and grown ages of you to be seen, to be heard and to be held so that we're not always pretending to be the grownup that we want to be… that we want everybody else to see.”  

“This is one of the greatest gifts that I know I bring to coaching for sure is that I'm not intimidated by people's accomplishments. I love that about myself. I can be in awe of you, I can be celebratory, I can be inspired and at the same time, just because you do really impressive, superhuman-like things doesn't mean that you are less human yourself. And I think that that can be such a critical experience for someone to have… that space to be human and be regular, that gives you that break from the fandom. To trust that this person is not going to bypass my humanity for the sake of trying to be around for proximity.” 

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Over the past few weeks, I've been actively exploring a concept that's been alive in me, sparked by conversations with others and introspection. I've reached a point where I need to share it publicly and grapple with it out loud. So today we are going to do some wayfinding.

Listen in as I explore the fear of success, and the challenge of creating a life that aligns with our deepest desires. It's a journey of building and receiving, of embracing the vision while navigating the uncertainties and the discomfort of living the dream. 

So, buckle up and come along with me as we navigate the intricacies of wanting, building, and trusting the process of experiencing Ambition Without Compromise.

MENTIONED
EP. 15 Learning To Dream First (CEO Series)

GEMS DROPPED
“So many of us want to be more fully connected, invested in and confident in what we want. In some ways, this is the whole point of Ambition Without Compromise, which is getting to want what we want… getting to embrace it and know – in full, vivid color – what it is that we want, and not needing to look like anything else to anyone else. And as I find myself honestly, in this season of having what I want, I am a business owner stepping into the identity of someone who actually owns her time and chooses her work and pitches for what she wants, and creates opportunities for herself –no permission needed from anybody else. And the vision I had set for myself was, we're going to move to the burbs, I want it to be slow, I want more ease, I'm going to work with fewer clients, I'm going to do fewer things, I'm going to continue to make more money and I'm going to feel connected to myself, take care of myself and be able to see the people that I love and care about. I'm living that dream, so why do I keep fighting against it?”

“Step into a realization or an ownership over the fact that you can actually do this. You can command your time. You can exist in spaciousness. You can feel like you're not at the behest of everybody's unspoken needs.”

“When you're an overachiever or a high-achiever when you think about it, it's like my bar is so astronomical, it's like I never should be able to reach anything or close to it. And so when you do it, immediately you're like, ‘well, this bar must be too low or something must be wrong with this, like something is off.’ We can be quick to question these things and to feel discomfort.”

“This is part of what can feel really uncomfortable for us with charting a course towards the life we really, really want is that there is this kind of white space, stuff I can't account for, that feels unreal, kind of unimaginable and we feel uncomfortable with that. There's a big leap that takes place in terms of what we have to learn to value and who we have to be to become comfortable with being in that in-between space. Like who am I if I'm not doing everything? “

“When we think about I want to feel more connected to this place I want to go that scares the shit out of me. Because I'm like, ‘Who am I going to be if I'm there and I'm not doing all the things I'm doing today?’ Right? But you have to be able to see it. Because you have to give yourself a reason to want to set down some of those fears, or to at least open up like okay, maybe I still have these fears, but I'm open to some exploration are all around them. So there's that. We start there.”

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

In this episode, I explore the concept of desiring change and the realization that to truly experience change, we must be willing to be changed ourselves. I share insights from coaching conversations and my personal experiences, emphasizing the importance of creating rituals and safe spaces for courageous conversations.

Join me on this journey of self-discovery and transformation, where we confront the discomfort of change, embrace the power of courageous vulnerability and uncover the keys to unlocking the change we crave.

GEMS DROPPED
“You want more money, respect, to feel more valued and at ease as you put forth so much effort day to day in the things that you do for a living, but it's never going to happen as long as you are still walking into these situations being the same person that you have always been.”

“ You want to be a different kind of mother than maybe you experienced growing up, than you see most commonly around you in your community, than you were last Season, or just a parent in general. And your heart's in the right place, your desire is clear, but you don't know how to get there. And I can say, like, you won't get there until you're ready to be changed”.

“In our marriages and relationships, we want to feel free, easeful and valued, but where we stop the conversation short. We have to take things a step further and ask ourselves, how am I being free? How am I being useful? How am I valuing myself? Who am I to be in these scenarios and in these relationships, that would allow me to experience what it is I keep saying that I most want to experience?”

“There's no blueprint, no exact plan for how to change because we're all unique individuals. We all have unique lives, work and relationships and so there's not some off the shelf template that you can just check down a bunch of boxes and be like, this is what I do to be this kind of different person. What’s actually required is a great deal of energy, creativity and courage to open yourself up to a decision.”  

“To begin this process of being different, and identifying what that decision is, can feel confronting and difficult, especially when you're exploring these things by yourself. But the decision is always very simple. It's stop doing this, start doing this. It's say yes to this, say no to that. It's always black or white, cut and clear. Yet we try to make these half assed decisions, that are not really decisions.”

“You can't just make a decision and have no rituals and habits to support the decision. You have to have rituals and habits that you begin to build, but it's not just the habits alone, it is who I believe myself to be to even embark upon changing my behaviors, to embark upon exceeding what it is that I want to experience in my work and in my life.”

“Being different requires a great deal of vulnerability and you have to have the safe and courageous space to confront this stuff.”

“The only way to, is through and we can't go through, we can't get through unless we are willing to be cracked open and to be changed. We have to really look at ourselves and be willing to be different with how we feel about things, how we react to things, how things settle in our gut. Otherwise, you can't make new decisions in the moment, you can't do new things if you don't feel yourself open and willing to be different.” 

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Picture yourself playing at a new professional level; the stakes are higher, your scope of responsibility is broader, and the pressure is palpable. It's a unique blend of excitement and nerves, especially for people of color, who are navigating spaces that might not always feel welcoming. This is fear and it can be paralyzing.

The conventional response in this situation is fighting back or getting curious. But here's the thing: I've got a different approach for you—an unexplored option that's like a secret weapon. Join me for a down-to-earth conversation with practical insights and a fresh perspective on embracing fear in a way that feels authentic and manageable.

GEMS DROPPED
“As long as you're growing, you're gonna keep hitting these growth edges. And these growth edges are meant to scare the shit out of you…. Like, that's the whole point. Otherwise, big growth is not happening. Because big growth entails a lot of ripping away, re-confronting, and that stuff is hard y'all. It's hard. It's scary. It does not feel good. And it can feel very confusing, very illogical, because it's like, when I look back over my story, I see how I got here. So why am I feeling this way?”

“There's usually an internal voice, if not several, that says something like, Who do you think you are?  If you can identify that voice and put shape and form around that voice so that it is not this faceless, formless, mystical thing that is just in the atmosphere around you, and then give yourself a bit of space to actually face it, the more that you have power to actually address it. It puts you back in a seat of power. It puts you back in a position of agency and it helps you rewrite this story”.

“Our scary voices, those, those things that are, that are trying to speak fear into us, oftentimes are coming from a place of caution, which is coming from a place of protection. And sometimes that same voice, or some version of that voice is still showing up in us when we reach these new heights. And it is asking us to turn to it and say we're safe. We're okay”.

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

In this episode, I explore a powerful and often overlooked aspect of achieving success and finding peace while working hard. Drawing on my own experiences and insights, I highlight the complex dynamics that women, particularly women of color, face in their professional journeys. I challenge the conventional wisdom that peace is primarily linked to self-esteem or confidence and propose a different perspective: peace equals presence.

To maintain that presence and peace, I stress the importance of two fundamental elements. By embracing these lifestyle choices, you can detoxify your environment, counteract toxic power dynamics, and remain anchored in your true self. In a world where we often get lost in other people's perceptions, this episode serves as a reminder that finding peace is about coming back to yourself and staying connected to your core identity.

Join me on this journey to discover a path to peace and presence that transcends conventional notions of success and leadership.

GEMS DROPPED
“With each new level of leadership that we ascend to, or that we expand into rather, new things are required of us. New perspectives, new ways of being, new habits are required of us to actually access peace”.

“Peace, in my belief, peace equals presence”.

“This shift around peace and presence and what we're actually looking to do, it really is about relinquishing this grip that we have on a false sense of control… and this desire and need to control particularly what other people think about us”. 

“We can't control whether or not people respect us.  We can do things that are filled with integrity to our own values and to our own mission.  We can do our best to collaborate and to reach across whatever it is we need to reach across to work with folks. But that's all we can do. The focus has to be on ‘what strategies do I need to employ? If we're talking about tactics and things like that, to get the work done? What things do I need to do to get what I need out of this relationship? How can I more and more skillfully begin to understand the ecosystem here, the political system here… whatever these things are that are at play… to just get what I need to happen done? Not how can I get this person to feel a way about me, we gotta let that go. We gotta let that go.”

“ The people who see you, help you see yourself clearly”.

“ It's hard to be present when you're so busy running around in other people's minds”.

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

In this episode, we dive deep into the experiences and wisdom of Sabia Wade, a remarkable Black Queer CEO, Investor, Educator, and Author who's been making waves in the world of birthing and beyond. We reminisce about her childhood and her early concept of "Black luxury." From there, we journey through Sabia's path, from a small business owner to an audacious visionary, embracing her creativity and her resolute belief in the power of asking, "Why not me?"

Sabia's journey is an inspiration for many, and her commitment to self-care and representation is a powerful message for anyone on their path to personal and professional growth. Listen in as Sabia takes us through her journey, offering insights and inspiration along the way. Some key points discussed in this episode include:

• The importance of having a community that validates and values your work, especially as a black creator
• Unveiling shared stories of the trauma and experiences of black-birthing individuals
• Recognizing your needs and not feeling guilty about self-care
• Building and maintaining a supportive team for your personal and professional life
• The true meaning of rest

GEMS DROPPED
“...you're having this issue in your business because in your personal life, you need to work on that so you can incorporate that into your business”. - Sabia

“We can all be of high maintenance, we can all do that at the same time and show up for each other in the ways where it's just like, this is the strength that I have to give it, we're all focused on that..” - Monique

“If you don't invent the thing, then you never know what's gonna go right.  Everything that we have on this planet has been created by someone, some brain somewhere, right? And it's like, they didn't know if that thing was gonna pop off …But I just feel like why can't it be me?” - Sabia

“For most people, folks of color, in particular, and for many entrepreneurs… if you're thinking differently, you're dreaming differently, you want to create something different, you may not come from some, very specific special, “pedigree,” and is not necessary” - Monique

“Every day I can still choose my liberation, even more being in the matrix, right? Because we're in it. We all got capitalism. We all got sexism, bigeye, racism, right? We got all these phobias, all of these things. And, I still choose to do something every day. That is for my liberation”. - Sabia

“Everything you do doesn't have to make sense” - Sabia

“When you take care of yourself? Yeah, it's always a benefit to the team, right? Whether it's emotionally, financially, whatever the next thing we're gonna do on our part, like, it's always a benefit for me to care for myself”. - Sabia

“It takes surrounding yourself with the right people to rest, right. Like we have to build that up around you. We all need that”. - Monique

GUEST LINKS
Learn more about Sabia Wade | Website | Book | Newsletter | Instagram

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

In this episode, I share a profound conversation that I had with my amazing mindset coach, where she dropped a bombshell: "Pregnancy is a trauma." This left me truly shaken and I couldn't help but resonate with this statement deeply.  In this first year with my second baby, I had to hold back from screaming in agreement. 

The truth is, for most of us, pregnancy is far from the glowing, joyful experience often portrayed. It's a complex journey, often fraught with pain, fear, and challenges. What's more, it's a journey that carries the weight of systemic and statistical disparities, particularly for women of color. 

This episode dives headfirst into the unspoken realities of pregnancy and postpartum experiences, highlighting the need for more support and understanding. It's a conversation that's long overdue, and I'm honored to share it with you. So, join me on this emotional rollercoaster as we explore the profound impact of motherhood, worthiness, and the career-focused world we navigate. 

GEMS DROPPED
“I may not be the coach for you. That's not what this is about. But if you don't have a coach, I need you to rectify that… I really do. And not just any coach obviously. I have been blessed to find the kinds of coaches that I have and to sit at their feet, and to learn about myself through them reflecting back to me and from their sage guidance and wisdoms and strategies …just having walked paths that I'm on but they're ahead of me. And it is everything.”

“You cannot live in this society, and be thinking about your future, and your goals or your desires, your interests, your curiosities, and money…somewhere in the recesses of your mind…not play some meaningful role especially as women of color, people of color, or people who don't come from a long lineage of money, we have these poverty scenarios, these destitution scenarios that we have to confront because they're operating in the background.”

“Pregnancy is a trauma. I know that we see these extreme cases of people who are having really, really horrible, horrible, horrible things. And so you look at that you're like, ‘well, I didn't have that happen to me.’  Or you have these women who are just like, ‘I love to be pregnant, the glow is real, I had none of that postpartum depression and anxiety.’ You're gonna hear basically, the polar opposite ends of that experience and that's it, but there's a whole swathe of us… the majority of us…in between, have had some kind of experience with pregnancy that can be categorized as trauma”.

“You feeling, grounded, rooted, firm, clear and connected to your own worthiness and having an empowered relationship to your ability to create money has everything to do with what you go after in life. And so it's not just, ‘oh, I'm tired, oh, I'm emotional and hormonal,’ you have gone through something, you are going through something that is way bigger than I ever really hear in social narratives.”

MENTIONS
Book:The First Forty Days: The Essential Art of Nourishing the New Mother by Heng Ou , Amely Greeven , et al.
Book: Ina May's Guide to Childbirth August 7, 2008 by Ina May Gaskin
Book: Did You Hear About Kitty Karr?: A Novel by Crystal Smith Paul 

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an&nb

Do you have an idea, a concept, a product, or a business that you are drawn to? Do it! Someone is waiting for you and your unique perspective.

Today's episode is all about inspiration. I had past clients reach out to me to share the amazing success they are living right now. Not only does it take me aback that my coaching has impacted my unbelievable clients, but I know their stories will resonate with so many of you. Like so many women, I used to view myself in such a small way. At the time of recording this episode, I’d just received some really moving messages from past clients of mine about how their lives had changed.   These messages really reminded me of what becomes possible when we pursue the work we feel called to do.

So many of us are sitting on our talents, vision, and magic. It's so easy to say something isn't good enough, it doesn't have enough degrees behind it, or that no one will care. I want you to trust in your magic. Do not wait for someone to tell you that you are worthy. You've got this, you deserve this, and nothing can hold you back. All you have to do is START.

GEMS DROPPED
“If there is something that you know that you're just good at, or that you're just drawn to, it's like you have this creative inkling to go and put out into the world, someone is waiting on you. Someone is waiting on you…it's going to matter for someone in the end. You don't know how these things are going to take shape”.

“I know that there is someone, there are a lot of us, who are sitting on our visions who are sitting on our talents, or we're just minimizing, the baddest, most exciting, and dopest parts of ourselves”

“It doesn't have to look a certain way for you to get out. Take the thing that you know is in you and just give it like you mean it.”

“No good ever comes from us thinking of ourselves as insignificant or not significant enough”.

“Don't wait to offer the most real, true, honest parts of who you are to the world. Don't wait for someone to tell you that it's time. Don't wait for someone to tell you that it's okay. Don't wait for someone to tell you that you're worthy”.   

“Courage takes time, I think to build… time and testing.  You have to put yourself out there in small ways and build and build and build until you can look back and see, oh, wow, look how much I've grown. Look how much I can offer. Look what I can do, right? Sometimes it just does take time to, see our magic”.

“The community that you've been waiting for, the community that you have desired and wanted. Actually, it's on the other side of you offering your most true and honest self”.

“There's a connection on the other side of you offering your, whatever your thing is. There is a community, there is a person, there is a human being who is waiting for your bat signal so they can be drawn to you so that you can connect for your purpose”.

“Doing what you were called to do, showing up as you're meant to show up in the world is not easy. It's going to force you to confront things that make you feel deeply uncomfortable, things that make you feel terrified. And it's not to minimize the fear, it's not to minimize the feelings of terror, those feelings can be real, those feelings are yours, and they are real. And you could give yourself permission to hold those feelings and to just do it messy”.

MENTIONS
Episode 07 | Being "Worthy" Of The Pivot

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

How do you let go of the version of yourself that is all about producing and achieving? In today’s episode, I discuss why it is so terrifying for high-achievers to refrain from valuing themselves outside their ability to produce.

This season of fear is a core experience of exceptionally high achievers—that strong attachment to needing to identify as an achiever links to our sense of worthiness. For so many of us, we leveraged that drive to succeed as a means to survival, but what happens after? At some point, hyper-production will no longer serve you, and you will need to find new ways to experience yourself outside of achievement.

Breaking away from a singular identity of being an achiever is unbelievably hard because it starts when you stop assigning value to everything you do. Tune in as I share my personal experience in my journey to identify outside of producing. I give exercises to help you reconnect with your humanity and ways to move past the fear and insecurity that is keeping you from experiencing joy, peace, and spiritual freedom.

GEMS DROPPED
“Whatever it was that you are either running away from, seeking, or trying to create more of, there comes a tipping point of acquisition, this moment where you're like, Well, what do I love? And what do I enjoy? And how do I actually view myself outside of what it is that I can produce”?  

“Most of us have identified with this, you know, I produce, I do well, I do things, I build, I create, I tackle for a very, very, very, very long time”.

“The way in which we worked through our childhoods, and our young adult lives to get to where we are now, that was out of necessity, but when your life no longer necessitates production in the same way it did, then it's like, who am I? And you hit this point where you've just recognized like, your identity is looking to latch on to something new, but you don't, you haven't been in touch with so many other parts of yourself.”

“When life calls us to take on new identities, this old, producer, achiever identity will start to interfere if we don't have ways of being with it differently. We don't have any structures in place to support us with trying to reorient ourselves around this.”

“The key, the first step in knowing your value beyond what you produce, is to stop looking for value”.

“Finding new ways in the small moments to be different with yourself, to experience and to take some risk and experiencing yourself outside of just being the producer, outside of just being the achiever and learning that you are safe. You'll actually finding that there might be some joy, deepening into some real pleasure and some peace, honey, some peace!”

“Ask yourself, if everything was stripped away, and when I say everything, I mean, everything. Everything that you know to be true today in your life, the comforts, everything is stripped away– What would matter most to you? Who would matter most to you? Where would matter most to you? ”   

MENTIONED
EP. 14 Spiritual Knowing and Self-Integrity with Josie Rosario

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Who do you desire to be, and have you created the space to dream her up?

There is a big difference between a goal and a dream. As a high achiever, fundamentals, planning, and logistics are second nature. Instead of prioritizing your dreams, you focus on goals and to-do lists. You end up in a space where you are doing all this hard work but don’t feel connected to the amazing thing you are building.

Today, I invite you to dream. Our dreams are the North Star against which we can set our goals. That needs to come first. Planting the seeds of dreams starts with building self-trust in the face of fear and uncertainty, which isn’t always something that comes naturally. We must teach ourselves to recognize and prioritize peace to force the articulation of the dreamiest version of ourselves. So I ask you, what is your dream?

GEMS DROPPED
“If you truly want to innovate, if you truly want to build something that doesn't exist in its current form, you want to do something new in the world, this way of growing (through dreaming), it's going to fail you at some point”.

“There is a dream and a vision that I have for my life, the kind of life that I want to live that goes beyond being unalone, that goes beyond being surrounded by people that I call friends, or just humans, you know, which definitely is generally a part of the vision. But it goes beyond that. There's some specificity built into how exactly I want that to feel”.

“There is a difference between a dream and a goal, there's a difference between a dream and a plan or a strategy. All of those have various roles to play, whether we are talking about something as human, as connection and friendship or if we were talking about business strategy, or leadership growth, or what it means to scale up a team, for example.”

“The thing that we will immediately move towards is plans and goals and strategies because as we are high achievers, that's actually the easy stuff. It takes effort, it takes work, it takes putting in more work than maybe the average person will and you recognize that and so it's like, “well, I'm willing to do it. I know that about myself, why am I still fearful?” I want you all to really understand that this starts to get down to this fundamental, almost childlike place for us, where we need to connect to a dream of what it's going to look like”.

“The challenge comes into place when you haven't dreamt into the version of yourself that you want to occupy. At this new level of visibility, who do you desire to be? And have you created the space to dream her up? The dream has to come first y'all. We have to learn to give proper credit to this dimension of ourselves. It's not always about the strategies and the plans and the goals.”

“We talk about playing big. We talk about expansion and growth. And it's all there. It's all in you. It is. It's just begging you to access yourself. To spend the time to slow it down to access yourself”.

“I believe our dreams are anchored in peace because peace lends itself to clarity. Peace lends itself to creativity. Peace lends itself to restiveness which lends itself to clarity. That imaginative state that we need to be able to bask in, to soak up, to shine out. We have to be at peace”

“You have the privilege of dreaming, you have it. You've been blessed with it. You got to occupy it”.


MENTIONS
Kemi Doll - Your Unapologetic Career Podcast

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Today’s episode includes a special guest! My friend and fellow coach, Josie, is a former therapist who serves as a performance coach for entrepreneurs and teams. She is a disruptive thought leader whose unique mind shifts perspectives for high-performing, successful women. I am excited to share a dialogue between two high-level female executive coaches. Listen in as we touch on the topics of ambition and motivation and how they come together in our lives.  

Tune in as Josie, and I talk about conceptualizing a healthy ambition and how our lineage has influenced our lives today. Key points discussed in this episode include:

• The idea of waking up to your “medicine.”
• You don’t know what you want unless you know who you are
• Using values and beliefs as an anchor for ambition
• Gathering strength from our lineage
• Overcoming disappointment when an achieved goal doesn’t feel right
• You are more than a professional title

GEMS DROPPED
“ I think it's time that we wake up, right that we wake up to not only what's happening around us, but really that we wake up to our medicine, I'm always talking about how every single one of us has medicine, right? It doesn't matter what your formal title is, or what role you're in right now what season of life you're in, we all have medicine to offer the people that we are here to be in community with, people that we're here to serve… the people that we're here to guide, whether that's children, clients, whatever… peers, we really need to wake up to that”. - Josie Rosario

“Do you know who you are? How do you do that work first to feel safe in your body, to know what is yours, where that core actually resides, and how to be with it. It just never ceases to amaze me how all of this stuff ends up coming back to like one or two core truths about …can you just get still and present with who you are? Can you do the work and spend the energy and the time or find the support, which I know it's not always accessible to so many people… to do that work… but it's critical, because you can't know where you're headed if you don't know where you're located”. - Monique R. Shields

“When we want to get deep with ourselves, that's not easy work to do, and that it's okay, if it feels confronting or scary, even at, like the notion of doing that work.” - Monique R. Shields

“For us as women of color, as first or second generation, you know, we're not allowed to talk about our mothers, our identity and mothering ourselves and healing those… we're not allowed to publicly talk about them things, you don't say nothing about mama, you don't say nuthin! Right. But there's so much available to us …in chasing this feeling of success, we can be chasing this experience of ourselves with our ambitions.” - Monique R. Shields

GUEST LINKS
Learn more about Josie’s program COTERIE, a sacred 6-month intimate experience for womxn of color entrepreneurs to heal the deepest parts of their Mother Wound at josierosario.com/coterie. | Podcast: ‎Healing Meets Hustle on Apple Podcasts | Instagram:@thejosierosario

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Mothering is strongly connected to ambition because it is a core part of the undercurrent of what we are experiencing as women building and creating in the world. I am choosing to open up this conversation because it is difficult, but we all have these personal experiences, and it is crucial to acknowledge that we are not alone in them.

This can feel like a particularly challenging topic for those of us who are people of color or first and second generation because it’s typically seen as taboo and even disrespectful to ever publicly broach the topic of our mothering outside of doting celebration.  But there is more to our experience of being mothered than that. 

This is not a conversation about being ungrateful or attempting to be disloyal. I want us to begin to separate honesty from loyalty and find a safe space to own that how we have experienced mothering is completely subjective to us and we (and our mothers as well) are allowed to hold our individual perspectives of what was and wasn’t there and how we feel about it.

Our mothering and re-mothering experiences are, in a profound and pervasive way, impacting how we make choices, make decisions, and show up as leaders. I came to an understanding of my own mothering through years of therapy. I came to today’s topic through numerous interactions with the women I know and/or have worked with and, in particular, three recent conversations with some important women in my life where I realized there was something special to offer by opening up the (layered!) conversation about our mothering and, more importantly, what it can look like for us to re-mother ourselves (and each other) as grown women.   

So I wanted to share some stories today and offer my unique perspective of why I was empowered to reexamine, reassess, and redefine what mothering looks like for myself, my children, and the women in my village who are re-mothering alongside me.

GEMS DROPPED
“We are carrying our mothers’ stories, we're carrying the most beautiful and powerful… like in ways that the world never recognized in them, not truly not in a way that was congruent with just how amazing they truly are and what potential they carry. And, what opportunities they should have had … what shots they should have been able to take, and we're carrying their dreams. And many times …in many cases, their broken dreams [we] are carrying that with us and all of their potential and that can be heavy. Like you can hold that as an honor. You can hold that as a lot of things. But it's also …I don't care what anyone says… that's heavy. It's a whole human’s potential that, in many ways, was overlooked and stomped on right, systemically. “

“We never stopped needing mothering. We never stopped needing it. And it's hard when you just can't access it in the ways that you need it most. It's hard. It really really, really is. and it will impact what you go after”.

“I think a big part of what makes things realistic is looking back at what has actually been true. And what do I know about where this is coming from? That is not based in my current reality, that this is based on some old stuff, that this is based on some emotional reckoning that is trying to occur, but it's not based on the actual data of what's available to me, what's going on in the world? What is most likely based on my experiences?”

“I have to work with myself in these ways to re-mother because the experiences of my past and what I feel emotionally obligated to or like I'm being pushed to rise into that I don't have it…, it's not real.”

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

I am excited to welcome Jereshia Hawk to the podcast. She is a highly sought-after business coach whose mission is to narrow the racial wealth gap by helping industry professionals leverage their expertise to chart new career paths with strategic online sales. Jereshia grew her business to multi-millions (creating $1MM in PROFIT during one of those years) in less than four years! I know her story will inspire you. 

This episode is about uncovering how Jereshia's ambition unfolded. Not only is there so much to learn from her success, but I know you will connect with her personal experiences as a Black woman high-achiever who comes from humble beginnings. She is an incredible example of how believing in yourself, knowing there is more to achieve, and connecting to an unwavering sense of ambition is an unstoppable combination.  

Tune in as we dive deep into heavy topics such as:

• The effect of "proximity to possibility."
• Believing in more out of necessity & survival
• The power of accepting & embracing where you are right now
• Seeing yourself as more than what you are able to produce
• Personal growth & ambition beyond making money

GEMS DROPPED

“I don't know if I ever had this moment in time where I was like, I have this infinite belief in myself that I can do anything. I think a lot of my, like, belief in more was rooted in how clearly I knew what I never wanted to experience”.- Jereshia  Hawk

“We just never know how we can be shaping and influencing other people's ambitions and dreams”. - Monique R. Shields

“...you have to understand the customer and know who you're for and who you're not for…know when to cut the tie versus wasting the time and when to invest in that in the communication of the relationship.” - Jereshia  Hawk

“You need somebody who can teach you privileges that you don't have”.- Jereshia  Hawk

“Sales is not really about just the act of sales, it's about how you view the world and how you understand human behavior and people”.  - Monique R. Shields

“It has to be a Divine Alignment. You have to be operating in your obedience and I have to be maybe operating in mine and it's a prayer answered in both ways. That's how I know that that's the client for me…that's the filter”. - Jereshia  Hawk

“I used to think that freedom was, ‘I get to do whatever I want.’ And it is, but I've recognized that when I feel the most free is when I have really beautiful structure in place… the structure allows me to experience freedom”. - Jereshia  Hawk

“It's not about, ‘Oh, I already know the answers. I don't need support.’ But it's like you might need to surrender to an environment that allows you to unravel your truth to fully come out, like the truth is in you, you need that space sometimes to be held for it to be released”. - Jereshia  Hawk

GUEST LINKS
Instagram: Instagram (@jereshiahawk)
Podcast: ‎Jereshia Said on Apple Podcasts
YouTube: Jereshia Said

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Today I'm talking about relationships and the imbalance that so many of us are experiencing and tolerating in our relationships with other people. When I say people, I mean EVERYONE - your friends, family, investors, employees, and clients. 

This topic matters so much because too many of us are in lopsided relationships. We are giving more than we are receiving. Women, especially, can be so willing to give, and give, and give. But we have to choose something different. Our money, missions, and joy are on the line because of how we engage in relationships.

We allow people, organizations, clients, customers, and teams to enter our life willy-nilly. The threshold for engagement is too low.

We think that current mistreatment will make us worthy or more ready for a future where that doesn't exist, but it doesn’t work this way.  It's much easier to endure things when you haven't taken the time to be specific about what you need. Don't let imbalanced relationships harm your spirit. You deserve more. It's up to you to make the shift.

GEMS DROPPED

“...many of us are actually moving through our lives and our professional experiences. … below rock bottom, and completely unaware of it because we won't allow ourselves to feel the true pain, the true rage, the true sadness, that exists here, right now, if we allow ourselves to feel it, we'd make some new decisions. And that's scary. We'd have to change. And that's scary”.

“...being specific is critical, especially when we're trying to make a change. We know something isn't right where we are right now. We know it's not right. It's because we're allowing ourselves to operate in vagueness, it's much easier to continue to endure things when you haven't taken the time to be specific and precise around what needs to be what and why”.

“Just because I've known you for 15, 20, 30 years, or more, doesn't mean we're friends. …the fact that that can be automatic for some of us, is getting us in trouble. We are extending loyalty to folks that have just been around for a long time that have been mislabeled as ‘friends’ because we have said time equals friendship in this instance for some reason, and they have done nothing friend-like true blue friend-like to actually have acquired their title”.

“We have these different types of friends. Not any individual can be your everything. I don't think that any friend (professional, personal) can be your everything... This is to say that there are certain things that we have to define ahead of entering into [friendship]… ahead of labeling people, friends – that we should know what we're talking about first, what does ‘friend’ mean to you? … time does not equal friendship, not in and of itself”. 

“People don't need to earn my energy. People don't need to earn my connection. People don't need to earn my time, people don't need to earn my loyalty. All of those things are built on trust, trust is earned. Trust is demonstrated”.

“We as humans impact each other, like on a cellular level, … we have to be thoughtful about who gets in, and who we're calling friend, who we are saying that we are in relationship with… who we allow to take up that space, it should be earned”.

“You laying yourself bare to just be trampled upon in a relationship is not a show of gratitude. That is simply a demonstration of inequity and abuse”.

MENTIONED
Monique's client referral site:  moniquershields.com/referral

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com.

Let's discuss what it means to teach people how to treat you. You can't go out into the world expecting people to understand how you specifically need to be treated. This especially holds true when you are in a leadership position because your time and energy have to be optimized.

In this episode, I challenge you to answer this question: "How do you want to be treated?" I want you to identify what matters to you regarding your treatment as a leader. 

It's okay to feel hesitation or confusion about this. As a woman in leadership, or as a woman of color in leadership, you desire to lead a team in a way that's different from what you've experienced in your past roles. You want equity. You want your team to feel heard and supported.

But a big part of leadership has nothing to do with democracy and everything to do with you getting clear on what you need and what your expectations are. So we must learn how to shift back and forth between being open-minded or collaborative and being very specific and directive about what we want our team to do or not do.

This starts with learning how to articulate what you need from your team as a leader. We need to assert what we want in life. Unfortunately, that is a skill that most women of color are grossly inexperienced in. Ask for help. Engage with a coach. Because making this a priority will drastically change how you feel and move as a leader. 

GEMS DROPPED

“You have to train people for how you want to be treated. You can't go out into the world expecting people to understand how you specifically need to be treated. …this holds especially true when you're in a position of leadership because your time and your energy have to be so well optimized. It's critical that the folks who say they're on the team with you, the folks that you hire, the folks that you're engaging with day to day to get things done towards your mission, towards the vision of your business, they need to know how to … best leverage you and how to best set you up for success because by setting you up for success as the leader, they set themselves and the entire organization up for success…we as women of color are particularly untrained in how to do this… it's really uncomfortable for us”.

“As a leader, it can feel like this dichotomy of either I am democratic, or I am a dictator… Either I am someone who is a doormat or I am a big boss, ‘shut it down. Shut up. I don't care what you have to say,’ right? Like, this false dichotomy, right? Y'all know, and whenever I talk about dichotomies, they're not real. There are always tons of shades of gray in between, there are so many different options and nuances in between and ways that we can be with our leadership… being a strong leader, getting things done, and getting what we need out of our teams without having to occupy either of those polarizing states”. 

As women of color, we are grossly under-resourced and under-leveraged. And so when you've positioned yourself to be in a leadership role, and then all of a sudden, it's like, here I go, again, I'm getting that feeling of being under-resourced …it’s like we're being re-triggered…just more evidence …, in our minds that I don't deserve to be here, I'm not equipped… Because we've been hearing these messages forever in our careers, in our lives, and in the broader media. …our absence in these spaces, in these places of leadership in these places of like well-resourced, well-funded, you know, our absence says it all.”

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

It’s lonely at the top.

I want to talk about creating something from something instead of the narrative we hear most prominently, which is creating something from nothing. There is merit in taking what you’ve been given and making something of those blessings. This conversation is important because I want you to see how exceptional you are for taking anything, even one step further than what you saw in your house or community.

We are experiencing all of this isolation out in the world by existing as the only person, the only woman who’s been able to achieve “XYZ.” Then we come back home, and we are with family, and a whole other level of isolation occurs. These folks who will lay their lives on the line for us, who love us deeply - they don’t understand us.

You can be incredibly proud of your humble beginnings, and you can say it sucks to be the only one on the outside as one of the few who are exceeding, who evolve. It’s hard to continue to excel and have this fear that you might grow too much and leave people behind. It is okay to say that that is hard. Don’t normalize it. Acknowledge it.

Hope exists. You do not have to do this alone. Take pride in your ability to leverage and connect with others because that is what a great leader does. It is okay to say that it is hard. But don’t insist upon your own isolation.

GEMS DROPPED

"Don't normalize being the first or only. Acknowledge that this is an isolating experience for me. You can acknowledge that, yes …, I am equipped with some of the skills I need to navigate this. I can figure this out. We don't need to bash our confidence around it, but we also need to hold space for the fact that this is a uniquely challenging circumstance to exist and to continue to excel in”. 

“It's okay for you to claim moments in space where you can just say, this is too much or this feels unfair. There's an undue weight on me. That is not in any way expressing that you are not grateful for your community. That you are not grateful for where you come from. That you are in some way ashamed of where you come from. That is not an admittance of any of those things. They both can exist– you can be extremely proud of where you come from, your humble beginnings, or the humble beginnings of your family and friends in your community…and you can say it sucks to be one of the few who are exceeding that, who have been able to go and move beyond and expand and evolve. And it's hard to try to evolve with this fear of also not evolving too much and leaving folks behind. It's hard to hold both of those things at the same time. And it is okay to say that it's hard.”

“The beauty of getting older, wiser, and having more ownership and direction over our lives is that we get to redesign and choose to experience this next phase differently. Because I tell you what, everything that you've been building towards  …the levels of success that you are experiencing now…it's going to be hard to keep moving the way you used to move and expect new growth to come from that.  There comes a point in time where isolation will eat away at you and you will not be able to push through because we have been able to compensate with energy…that changes as we get older…”. 

“Leaders are people who are great at seeking and finding good help… leveraging excellent help. That is what leadership is.”

“Make yourself available to the inner signals that tell you a connection is waiting for you.”

STAY IN TOUCH

Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com.