27 | Scaling Your Humanity With Your Wealth

Often, we tell ourselves that the key to expanding our leadership is merely becoming better at asking for help or refining our delegation skills. But what I've unearthed in my work as a coach to CEOs and leaders is that the challenge goes deeper than tactics and tips. It's not just about optimizing to-do lists or honing delegation strategies; there's a profound internal barrier between us and the help we seek.

Join me on this exploration of the struggle of asking for help and the complexities surrounding delegation. I’ll dig into the fears of appearing incompetent, needy, or even abusive when asking for help (especially as women and POC) .  I’m also dissecting the misconception that unlimited capacity equates to competence and pull back the covers on how shifting our perspective can transform our leadership dynamics. 

Press play to tune in as we peel back layers and challenge the narratives that may be holding us back from authentic and sustainable leadership.

GEMS DROPPED

"What I am constantly finding is that it's not about the tactics, it's not about the tips, it's not about the tricks, it's not about optimizing your to-do list, not at least at first. That's not the first step. There's something that runs much deeper within us around what feels like a barrier between us and the help that we want to better leverage”.

“Building this skill, building confidence and comfort, around asking for help, employing help, receiving help, it's gonna be make or break for whatever it is that you're trying to build. It creates a ceiling immediately if you can't move through this and expand and grow this part of yourself.”

“I think women and people of color, we can carry a great deal of undue pressure on our leadership design… that maybe makes us account for too many variables. Trying to hold too many things, and maybe not always the things that matter the most.”

“There is a level of thoughtfulness that we try to bring to our own leadership, to not repeat and not recreate a culture around reckless and uncaring delegation, and I think that there's a weight to that intent that we carry around …being better, trying to be more thoughtful… that just adds another layer of pressure to what it means to ask for help, what it means to delegate or to set expectations for someone else… what it means to be responsible when you are occupying a position of a great deal more power within a power dynamic, trying to be respectful and responsive to that.”

“You're wanting to make sure that basically, the team knows that you can handle hard shit, that the team knows that you have horsepower, that they can believe in your work ethic, and your ability to handle things… but what's happening, because you have such a focus on this, on proving to this team, appearing to this team that you have what it takes, and essentially, that you are strong, is that you are conflating capacity with competence. Meaning, you’re trying as hard as you can to always appear competent through how infinite your capacity is, which it's not.”  

“When we're focused on, I just need to be the strong one that's getting all the things done, we don't create space for relationships and for what really needs to be invested in here.” 

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

I've been reflecting on my self-discovery journey, facing challenges and pondering profound questions this season. Recent conversations, especially those delving into my middle school experiences, have revealed personal truths and beliefs related to my sense of belonging.

Sharing these experiences isn't just about my journey but aligns with a broader theme observed among powerful women. As we navigate success, visibility, and seniority, we often compromise spaces where we can be authentic. This episode delves into the significance of investing in spaces that foster thriving, full expression, and true belonging. 

It's time to prioritize our humanity, transition from survival to thriving, and acknowledge the immense potential in embracing our authentic selves. Join me as we explore this crucial investment in our well-being and growth.

GEMS DROPPED

"In the absence of belonging, my basement was that people would respect me …if looking for and embracing and trusting that belonging wasn’t available to me, that at the very least, I didn't go seeking anything beneath basic respect.”

“A big important part of our core and important part of this work for you, is to allow yourself to feel that you want to belong… to feel the wanting, to feel the desire, allow yourself to feel that. It's okay …you deserve to want that as opposed to just saying, well, I'm not going to assume that I belong, but I will assume respect and how do you know when one of the ways that we can think of respect is like a proxy for it, that can be sort of symbolic.”

“Especially in this day and age, we have got to cling to the things that bring us back into our humanity. We have got to. And when you're operating as the powerful woman, the woman who knows when you're operating at this level, and you have big dreams, big aspirations, and you've got the track record, you can look back and you can say look, check my receipts. I do the things, I operate in a big way, and I have every intent of doing what feels expansive. We're discounting this key aspect of what it looks like to grow and belong and make things happen as a fertile, loving collective.“

“As you become more and more successful, the more wealth you have, the more seniority you occupy, the more visibility that you have, there are fewer and fewer spaces where you can be your own human self, your real true blue, honest, quirky, full self because cameras are on, people are watching, your team is looking to you, everybody needs something from you. And so people don't always see you as human. Even those who are cheering for you.”

“Our humanity carries with it a tapestry of really critical energies– our true personalities, our preferences, our quirks, who we actually are. It’s an energy that is meant to be expressed. It is meant to flow. And when it is caged in and bottled up, because you are on a pedestal, you are on a platform, everybody is looking to you and you have to button the shit up, and you need to look a certain way, you need to say a certain thing, you need to…”

“Not everybody has the capacity to negotiate their own identities in the distance between your reality and theirs with personal security. People sometimes can't maintain their own self- esteem in your presence.”

“The privilege of just being able to be who you are out loud in front of people, bear and real and raw you, that has immeasurable value.”

STAY IN TOUCH

Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Today's episode focuses on a crucial perspective shift for high achievers who have hit all the targets and are now facing brand new questions and a career crossroads.

Listen in as we explore the significance of introspection, identifying our true passions, and the value of taking small steps towards aligning with our inner artist on our journey of self-discovery and transformation as we redefine success beyond mere achievement. 

This episode serves as a reminder that transcending the constraints of achievement opens doors to a new level of fulfillment. Tune in and let the shift begin.

GEMS DROPPED

"Achievement has a cut-off point; it's time to shift from being the achiever to embracing the artist within."

"In a world of achievement, there's a scarcity hierarchy baked in because not everyone can reach the top. It's time to redefine success beyond achievement."

"Transitioning from achievement to artistry requires letting go of the need to constantly prove oneself and embracing the unknown of creating your own path."

"Being a high achiever is like playing by a fixed menu; stepping into artistry means creating your own secret menu, even if the page is blank."

"As an artist, you need to be in touch with your sensory being, understanding what activates you, where you shine, and what uniquely belongs to you."

"The shift from achiever to artist involves doing a whole lot less, embracing stillness, reflection, and the less tangible, yet powerful, work of creation."

"You're no longer qualified for roles you excelled in decades ago; your value now lies in the invisible, visionary work that sets the stage for impactful change."

"Transitioning to artistry requires taking small steps, aligning with an executive coach, therapy, or activities that nourish your inner creative being."

"Your job is to prioritize activities that resonate with your inner artist, even if they seem unrelated to traditional notions of success."

"Embrace the discomfort and grieving process of letting go of old identities; prioritize wisdom, vision, and time freedom to enact the influence you desire."

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Reflection season is here, and I'm delving into the experiences of the past year, contemplating what truly matters. In today's episode, we uncover the layers of self-discovery and transformation, emphasizing the importance of doing the real work we often avoid.

Join me on this deep dive as we concentrate on the four pivotal buckets of meaningful connections and personal growth and why when we nurture them, everything else falls seamlessly into place.

This episode is your invitation to embark on a journey of self-discovery and transformation. Cheers to undertaking the real work in 2024!

GEMS DROPPED

"The real work is more murky, not always gratifying, but important for the experiences we desire in the coming years."

"The real work starts with healing, childhood stuff, therapy – the core that yields new outcomes within yourself."

"Your body has to be set up for success; it informs your thoughts, creativity, and innovation. You've never seen your peak performance until your body is right."

"Investing in community and relationships can skyrocket your dreams with half the effort because you're no longer doing it alone."

"Sometimes it's just the fact that there is someone else holding space for your dream alongside you that makes the difference."

"Time and energy constraints often hinder building friendships and community, but it's about the quality, not the quantity, of time spent together."

"It's not about the superficial tasks and planning; the real work is diving into the emotional and healing aspects, the work we often avoid."

"Most of your relationships are lopsided; you're constantly the giver, fixing others' problems. Meaningful connections require a thoughtful design space."

"Connection and vulnerability can lead to love in a moment with a stranger, but we're not taught to have trust in open-ended spaces with friends."

"Put yourself into spaces designed with intention and care to achieve the depth you crave in relationships."

"It's important to have both - the little Kiki moments and the depth that anchors into something real."

"Connectedness requires thoughtfulness, especially in the pace of life as a business leader."

"Don't avoid the real work in the depth of friendships and community; it's crucial for success and feeling good about your success."

"Spirituality is personal; it's what makes you feel connected, hopeful, and alive. It goes beyond religious beliefs."

"Arriving at success without spiritual investment feels empty; integrate spirituality into the journey for a fulfilling destination."

"Focus on healing, health, friendship, and spirituality; when you nurture these buckets, everything else falls seamlessly into place."

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

I'm buzzing with excitement after leading an incredible retreat with a group of amazing black woman CEOs. Now, I'm ready to dive into a topic that's been on my mind for a year: coaching. It's a tricky thing to explain because there are a million different types of coaches out there and the term has come to mean a lot of different things.

So, in this episode, I'm breaking down what coaching means to me, shedding light on its benefits, and helping you conceptualize it in your own way. I've jotted down seven key areas that I believe capture the essence of my coaching philosophy.

Join me as I share my thoughts on coaching, drawing from what's reflected back to me from my clients, and highlighting what I excel at as a coach. Let's get into it!

GEMS DROPPED

“The type of person for whom coaching is a little more urgent, is the person who self identifies as the giver and structurally exists this way in their community, network, family, etc. …there is a mental and emotional labor that comes with playing this role in any group or community. When you're always the provider, it makes it easy for you to also feel really alone.  …To be the person that most people look to for something. The role of coaching for this person is that you can finally be in a space with someone who is entirely committed to your thriving and has no personal attachments or agenda for you outside of you getting exactly what it is that you want.”

“The benefit of not feeling alone is something that is terribly hard to quantify. But I think we all know just how life changing it can feel to go from being in a state of loneliness to a state of “Oh, somebody's in my corner… somebody is dedicated to me… has no separate agenda… is not attached to my decisions, and the bounds of the relationship are formalized and set up so I can trust that I can fall back into that structure and not feel alone in my own head and on my own journey.”  

“Coaching helps us get behind ourselves, examine why we're moving the way we move, giving us explicit permission to pause, asking us the right questions to help us get intentional, to examine our pace and to reset it to feel like we are actually self directed and that we are not being led by some false pace that has been set out in the ether by whoever, whatever, out in the world, all these pressures that make us feel like we need to be doing stuff that we maybe don't need to be doing.”

“Coaching provides you the space and the freedom and the safety for that inner little you to still show up, be seen, noticed and taken care of. There is something really, really, invaluable to be in space with someone who can create room for all aspects of you, all dimensions of you, all little ages and grown ages of you to be seen, to be heard and to be held so that we're not always pretending to be the grownup that we want to be… that we want everybody else to see.”  

“This is one of the greatest gifts that I know I bring to coaching for sure is that I'm not intimidated by people's accomplishments. I love that about myself. I can be in awe of you, I can be celebratory, I can be inspired and at the same time, just because you do really impressive, superhuman-like things doesn't mean that you are less human yourself. And I think that that can be such a critical experience for someone to have… that space to be human and be regular, that gives you that break from the fandom. To trust that this person is not going to bypass my humanity for the sake of trying to be around for proximity.” 

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Over the past few weeks, I've been actively exploring a concept that's been alive in me, sparked by conversations with others and introspection. I've reached a point where I need to share it publicly and grapple with it out loud. So today we are going to do some wayfinding.

Listen in as I explore the fear of success, and the challenge of creating a life that aligns with our deepest desires. It's a journey of building and receiving, of embracing the vision while navigating the uncertainties and the discomfort of living the dream. 

So, buckle up and come along with me as we navigate the intricacies of wanting, building, and trusting the process of experiencing Ambition Without Compromise.

MENTIONED
EP. 15 Learning To Dream First (CEO Series)

GEMS DROPPED
“So many of us want to be more fully connected, invested in and confident in what we want. In some ways, this is the whole point of Ambition Without Compromise, which is getting to want what we want… getting to embrace it and know – in full, vivid color – what it is that we want, and not needing to look like anything else to anyone else. And as I find myself honestly, in this season of having what I want, I am a business owner stepping into the identity of someone who actually owns her time and chooses her work and pitches for what she wants, and creates opportunities for herself –no permission needed from anybody else. And the vision I had set for myself was, we're going to move to the burbs, I want it to be slow, I want more ease, I'm going to work with fewer clients, I'm going to do fewer things, I'm going to continue to make more money and I'm going to feel connected to myself, take care of myself and be able to see the people that I love and care about. I'm living that dream, so why do I keep fighting against it?”

“Step into a realization or an ownership over the fact that you can actually do this. You can command your time. You can exist in spaciousness. You can feel like you're not at the behest of everybody's unspoken needs.”

“When you're an overachiever or a high-achiever when you think about it, it's like my bar is so astronomical, it's like I never should be able to reach anything or close to it. And so when you do it, immediately you're like, ‘well, this bar must be too low or something must be wrong with this, like something is off.’ We can be quick to question these things and to feel discomfort.”

“This is part of what can feel really uncomfortable for us with charting a course towards the life we really, really want is that there is this kind of white space, stuff I can't account for, that feels unreal, kind of unimaginable and we feel uncomfortable with that. There's a big leap that takes place in terms of what we have to learn to value and who we have to be to become comfortable with being in that in-between space. Like who am I if I'm not doing everything? “

“When we think about I want to feel more connected to this place I want to go that scares the shit out of me. Because I'm like, ‘Who am I going to be if I'm there and I'm not doing all the things I'm doing today?’ Right? But you have to be able to see it. Because you have to give yourself a reason to want to set down some of those fears, or to at least open up like okay, maybe I still have these fears, but I'm open to some exploration are all around them. So there's that. We start there.”

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

In this episode, I explore the concept of desiring change and the realization that to truly experience change, we must be willing to be changed ourselves. I share insights from coaching conversations and my personal experiences, emphasizing the importance of creating rituals and safe spaces for courageous conversations.

Join me on this journey of self-discovery and transformation, where we confront the discomfort of change, embrace the power of courageous vulnerability and uncover the keys to unlocking the change we crave.

GEMS DROPPED
“You want more money, respect, to feel more valued and at ease as you put forth so much effort day to day in the things that you do for a living, but it's never going to happen as long as you are still walking into these situations being the same person that you have always been.”

“ You want to be a different kind of mother than maybe you experienced growing up, than you see most commonly around you in your community, than you were last Season, or just a parent in general. And your heart's in the right place, your desire is clear, but you don't know how to get there. And I can say, like, you won't get there until you're ready to be changed”.

“In our marriages and relationships, we want to feel free, easeful and valued, but where we stop the conversation short. We have to take things a step further and ask ourselves, how am I being free? How am I being useful? How am I valuing myself? Who am I to be in these scenarios and in these relationships, that would allow me to experience what it is I keep saying that I most want to experience?”

“There's no blueprint, no exact plan for how to change because we're all unique individuals. We all have unique lives, work and relationships and so there's not some off the shelf template that you can just check down a bunch of boxes and be like, this is what I do to be this kind of different person. What’s actually required is a great deal of energy, creativity and courage to open yourself up to a decision.”  

“To begin this process of being different, and identifying what that decision is, can feel confronting and difficult, especially when you're exploring these things by yourself. But the decision is always very simple. It's stop doing this, start doing this. It's say yes to this, say no to that. It's always black or white, cut and clear. Yet we try to make these half assed decisions, that are not really decisions.”

“You can't just make a decision and have no rituals and habits to support the decision. You have to have rituals and habits that you begin to build, but it's not just the habits alone, it is who I believe myself to be to even embark upon changing my behaviors, to embark upon exceeding what it is that I want to experience in my work and in my life.”

“Being different requires a great deal of vulnerability and you have to have the safe and courageous space to confront this stuff.”

“The only way to, is through and we can't go through, we can't get through unless we are willing to be cracked open and to be changed. We have to really look at ourselves and be willing to be different with how we feel about things, how we react to things, how things settle in our gut. Otherwise, you can't make new decisions in the moment, you can't do new things if you don't feel yourself open and willing to be different.” 

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

Picture yourself playing at a new professional level; the stakes are higher, your scope of responsibility is broader, and the pressure is palpable. It's a unique blend of excitement and nerves, especially for people of color, who are navigating spaces that might not always feel welcoming. This is fear and it can be paralyzing.

The conventional response in this situation is fighting back or getting curious. But here's the thing: I've got a different approach for you—an unexplored option that's like a secret weapon. Join me for a down-to-earth conversation with practical insights and a fresh perspective on embracing fear in a way that feels authentic and manageable.

GEMS DROPPED
“As long as you're growing, you're gonna keep hitting these growth edges. And these growth edges are meant to scare the shit out of you…. Like, that's the whole point. Otherwise, big growth is not happening. Because big growth entails a lot of ripping away, re-confronting, and that stuff is hard y'all. It's hard. It's scary. It does not feel good. And it can feel very confusing, very illogical, because it's like, when I look back over my story, I see how I got here. So why am I feeling this way?”

“There's usually an internal voice, if not several, that says something like, Who do you think you are?  If you can identify that voice and put shape and form around that voice so that it is not this faceless, formless, mystical thing that is just in the atmosphere around you, and then give yourself a bit of space to actually face it, the more that you have power to actually address it. It puts you back in a seat of power. It puts you back in a position of agency and it helps you rewrite this story”.

“Our scary voices, those, those things that are, that are trying to speak fear into us, oftentimes are coming from a place of caution, which is coming from a place of protection. And sometimes that same voice, or some version of that voice is still showing up in us when we reach these new heights. And it is asking us to turn to it and say we're safe. We're okay”.

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

In this episode, I explore a powerful and often overlooked aspect of achieving success and finding peace while working hard. Drawing on my own experiences and insights, I highlight the complex dynamics that women, particularly women of color, face in their professional journeys. I challenge the conventional wisdom that peace is primarily linked to self-esteem or confidence and propose a different perspective: peace equals presence.

To maintain that presence and peace, I stress the importance of two fundamental elements. By embracing these lifestyle choices, you can detoxify your environment, counteract toxic power dynamics, and remain anchored in your true self. In a world where we often get lost in other people's perceptions, this episode serves as a reminder that finding peace is about coming back to yourself and staying connected to your core identity.

Join me on this journey to discover a path to peace and presence that transcends conventional notions of success and leadership.

GEMS DROPPED
“With each new level of leadership that we ascend to, or that we expand into rather, new things are required of us. New perspectives, new ways of being, new habits are required of us to actually access peace”.

“Peace, in my belief, peace equals presence”.

“This shift around peace and presence and what we're actually looking to do, it really is about relinquishing this grip that we have on a false sense of control… and this desire and need to control particularly what other people think about us”. 

“We can't control whether or not people respect us.  We can do things that are filled with integrity to our own values and to our own mission.  We can do our best to collaborate and to reach across whatever it is we need to reach across to work with folks. But that's all we can do. The focus has to be on ‘what strategies do I need to employ? If we're talking about tactics and things like that, to get the work done? What things do I need to do to get what I need out of this relationship? How can I more and more skillfully begin to understand the ecosystem here, the political system here… whatever these things are that are at play… to just get what I need to happen done? Not how can I get this person to feel a way about me, we gotta let that go. We gotta let that go.”

“ The people who see you, help you see yourself clearly”.

“ It's hard to be present when you're so busy running around in other people's minds”.

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com. 

In this episode, we dive deep into the experiences and wisdom of Sabia Wade, a remarkable Black Queer CEO, Investor, Educator, and Author who's been making waves in the world of birthing and beyond. We reminisce about her childhood and her early concept of "Black luxury." From there, we journey through Sabia's path, from a small business owner to an audacious visionary, embracing her creativity and her resolute belief in the power of asking, "Why not me?"

Sabia's journey is an inspiration for many, and her commitment to self-care and representation is a powerful message for anyone on their path to personal and professional growth. Listen in as Sabia takes us through her journey, offering insights and inspiration along the way. Some key points discussed in this episode include:

• The importance of having a community that validates and values your work, especially as a black creator
• Unveiling shared stories of the trauma and experiences of black-birthing individuals
• Recognizing your needs and not feeling guilty about self-care
• Building and maintaining a supportive team for your personal and professional life
• The true meaning of rest

GEMS DROPPED
“...you're having this issue in your business because in your personal life, you need to work on that so you can incorporate that into your business”. - Sabia

“We can all be of high maintenance, we can all do that at the same time and show up for each other in the ways where it's just like, this is the strength that I have to give it, we're all focused on that..” - Monique

“If you don't invent the thing, then you never know what's gonna go right.  Everything that we have on this planet has been created by someone, some brain somewhere, right? And it's like, they didn't know if that thing was gonna pop off …But I just feel like why can't it be me?” - Sabia

“For most people, folks of color, in particular, and for many entrepreneurs… if you're thinking differently, you're dreaming differently, you want to create something different, you may not come from some, very specific special, “pedigree,” and is not necessary” - Monique

“Every day I can still choose my liberation, even more being in the matrix, right? Because we're in it. We all got capitalism. We all got sexism, bigeye, racism, right? We got all these phobias, all of these things. And, I still choose to do something every day. That is for my liberation”. - Sabia

“Everything you do doesn't have to make sense” - Sabia

“When you take care of yourself? Yeah, it's always a benefit to the team, right? Whether it's emotionally, financially, whatever the next thing we're gonna do on our part, like, it's always a benefit for me to care for myself”. - Sabia

“It takes surrounding yourself with the right people to rest, right. Like we have to build that up around you. We all need that”. - Monique

GUEST LINKS
Learn more about Sabia Wade | Website | Book | Newsletter | Instagram

STAY IN TOUCH
Come and follow me on Instagram @moniquershields and I would love your feedback so send an email to ambition@moniquershields.com.