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    451. Can I Ask You a Ridiculously Personal Question?

    en-usFebruary 11, 2021

    Podcast Summary

    • Why Asking Sensitive Questions is ImportantAsking sensitive questions can lead to valuable insights and understanding, but it's important to approach them with empathy and respect for others' boundaries. It takes courage, but can ultimately enhance our relationships and problem-solving abilities.

      Asking sensitive questions can be uncomfortable, but it's something worth doing. It helps to satisfy our curiosity and underpins the reasoning of our thought processes. They reveal the things that we might not know otherwise, and push us further towards better solutions. Yet, people are generally not that comfortable with them. It takes courage to ask a personal or sensitive question, and it is advisable to think about the possible implications and approach these questions with empathy. As long as we respect other people's boundaries, we can ask sensitive questions and learn important information. It's important to acknowledge the value of sensitive questions in our daily lives, as they help us connect more deeply with people and understand their perspectives better.

    • Understanding the Power of Asking Sensitive QuestionsAsking sensitive questions can lead to meaningful conversations and relationships, but it requires tact and respect. Consider the power dynamic and aim to find common ground when navigating sensitive topics.

      Einav Hart, a cognitive scientist, is interested in understanding how people handle difficult conversations and conflict in various contexts, including personal, business, and political situations. She believes that questions can be classified as sensitive or offensive, with the former referring to potentially combustible topics and the latter incorporating derogatory or hurtful language. Hart argues that asking sensitive questions can be beneficial in creating meaningful conversations and building relationships, but it requires a certain level of tact and respect for the other party. Ultimately, it is about understanding the power dynamic between the parties and seeking to find common ground in navigating sensitive topics.

    • Navigating Sensitive Questions in CommunicationBe aware of cultural norms and sensitivities when asking questions, especially those related to personal finance, mental health, and infidelity. Balancing information-seeking with avoiding offense is crucial for effective communication and relationships.

      Asking questions is a common behavior driven by various motives such as curiosity, gaining information, or expressing interest. However, norms regarding which questions are comfortable to ask vary widely across contexts, cultures, and individuals. Therefore, it is important for communicators to navigate between the trade-offs of information-seeking and avoiding offense or annoyance to others. Researchers have classified sensitive questions as those that are uncomfortable to discuss, inappropriate for the social context, or about private information. Studies have shown that people perceive questions about personal finance, mental health, and infidelity as sensitive, while those involving weather, commuting, or hobbies are less sensitive. Understanding these sensitivities and cultural norms is crucial for effective communication and relationships.

    • People prioritize impression management over honest communicationWhen concerned about making a good impression, people avoid sensitive topics in conversations, limiting honesty and depth. Incentivizing discomfort can lead to more open discussions, but prioritizing impression management remains a barrier.

      People are hesitant to ask sensitive questions when they are concerned about making a good impression. Incentivizing conversation partners to leave a positive impression resulted in the avoidance of sensitive topics, while incentivizing discomfort led to the use of almost exclusively sensitive questions. In anonymous online text conversations between strangers, people were less uncomfortable with sensitive questions but still hesitant. This suggests that people prioritize their own impression management when communicating with others, and may limit the depth and honesty of those conversations.

    • Overcoming Aversion to Sensitive Questions: The Role of Financial Incentives and StakesPeople may avoid asking sensitive questions even with financial incentives. However, in high-stakes situations, incentives may be more effective. Incentives matter, but the scale of the situation plays a crucial role.

      Most people avoid asking sensitive questions, even when given financial incentives to do so. This aversion may stem from a desire to avoid making others uncomfortable or feeling embarrassed themselves. The small financial reward offered in this study was not enough to overcome this aversion. However, there may be situations in which people are willing to ask sensitive questions, such as when high stakes are involved. Incentives matter, but scale matters too.

    • Overcoming Reluctance to Ask Sensitive QuestionsPeople may be more willing to ask sensitive questions to friends rather than strangers, and comfort and familiarity in a relationship can impact willingness to discuss sensitive topics.

      Asking sensitive questions can be uncomfortable and people are often reluctant to do so, even if they are not the ones responsible for choosing the questions. Absolving people of their responsibility does not necessarily increase their willingness. The comfort level of the partner being asked the sensitive question is also a crucial factor. The willingness to ask sensitive questions is higher when talking with friends rather than strangers, as people have a better prediction of how their friends will respond. This suggests that the level of comfort and familiarity in a relationship can influence the willingness to broach sensitive topics.

    • Overestimating the Discomfort of Sensitive QuestionsPeople often avoid asking sensitive questions out of fear of offending the other person, but studies show that most people are actually less offended than expected. Still, it's important to approach sensitive topics with professionalism.

      People overestimate how uncomfortable sensitive questions will make their conversation partner and how bad of an impression it will make on them. This results in important questions not being asked, which can be valuable to both parties. Asking sensitive questions like 'how much money do you earn?' or 'how does your commission work?' can provide important information. The study by Hart, Schweitzer, and VanEpps shows that people are less offended and care less about being asked a sensitive question than we think they would be. However, it's important to navigate sensitive questions professionally and avoid turning workplaces into political debate zones.

    • The Benefits of Asking Sensitive QuestionsDon't be afraid to ask sensitive questions - it can provide valuable information and improve relationships. Our fear of leaving a bad impression is often unfounded, as people do not pay as much attention to us as we think.

      Asking sensitive questions can lead to significant informational gain and potential relationship-building, despite our aversion to asking them. The fear of leaving a bad impression on the counterpart is often a biased view that respondents do not hold. Overestimating the impact of potentially sensitive questions is related to the fact that humans are bad at predicting the future and have a spotlight effect, overestimating how much others pay attention to them. Although humans have some capacity for thinking into the future and putting themselves in someone else's shoes, we constantly fall short due to cognitive biases and errors.

    • Understanding the Willingness to Ask Sensitive Questions in Different CulturesAvoiding sensitive questions is a universal mechanism, but the sensitive topics vary by culture. Age and gender don't affect asking sensitive questions online. More research is needed on power dynamics, curiosity, and information value.

      The study on sensitive questions has limitations and was conducted on a narrow population. However, it has raised important questions on the willingness to ask sensitive questions in different cultures and groups. The overall mechanism of avoiding sensitive questions is the same in all cultures, but the set of sensitive topics can vary. Age and gender do not affect the willingness to ask sensitive questions online. The researchers plan to conduct follow-up research on the behavior across different groups and cultures, the power dynamics in conversations, and how curiosity and information value play out in sensitive settings. In conclusion, there is still a lot to learn about asking and answering sensitive questions in various settings.

    • Chatbots in Medical Settings and the Potential Cost of Avoiding Sensitive ConversationsChatbots used in medical settings may not provide accurate responses, especially for sensitive matters such as depression. Avoiding sensitive conversations in personal and professional lives can lead to missed opportunities for learning and deeper relationships.

      Chatbots, although increasingly used in medical settings for screening and treating patients, may not elicit truthful responses from patients due to their human-like nature. This finding should be taken into consideration when using chatbots for sensitive matters such as depression. The research by Hart, Schweitzer, and VanEpps also highlights the significant opportunity cost of avoiding sensitive conversations in our personal and professional lives. By not asking sensitive questions, we miss out on potential gains and opportunities, such as learning more about people and nurturing deeper relationships. We should push ourselves to have these conversations and not assume that others do not want to talk about sensitive topics.

    • Asking Sensitive Questions in Salary NegotiationsAsking the right sensitive questions in a negotiation can provide valuable information and show your assertiveness and knowledge. Frame questions correctly and expand on them with personal experiences to have meaningful conversations.

      Asking sensitive questions is an effective way to gather important information that might be missed otherwise, particularly when negotiating salaries. It also helps to develop deeper conversations, but it is essential to frame the question correctly. Asking sensitive questions invites a reciprocal response and demonstrates what we are interested in, assertiveness, and the knowledge we have. Sometimes seeding the conversation with more information than just the contained question can be helpful. Expanding the question by sharing personal experiences can create a more meaningful conversation. The key is to ask the right question and make it sensitive but not too invasive or aggressive.

    • The Power of Asking QuestionsAsking questions builds rapport, creates interview opportunities, and can make people more willing to share. Be mindful of context and don't be afraid to ask sensitive questions.

      Asking questions demonstrates interest, concern, and can build rapport and relationships. People generally like being asked questions, even sensitive ones. Creating a framework or opportunity to be an interviewer and asking sensitive questions can make people more willing to open up and share. It's important to be mindful of context and not ask something that is too aggressive or uncomfortable. If you're on the fence about asking a sensitive question, it's better to go for it and ask. These findings should give people a small push in the direction of asking that question.

    • Overcoming Loss Aversion with uncomfortable questions.Don't be afraid to ask sensitive questions, as uncomfortable conversations can lead to significant personal and professional growth. Overcoming our loss aversion bias can invite personal and work relationships to a deeper level of trust and connection.

      Loss aversion is a real and substantial bias, causing us to be far more risk-averse than we should be. The perceived harm of sensitive questions is likely to be far smaller than we expect. Asking uncomfortable questions can lead to interesting conversations and better outcomes. Avoiding them could be missing an opportunity for growth and understanding. By overcoming our loss aversion bias, we can invite personal and work relationships to a deeper level of trust and connection. So, don't be afraid to ask sensitive questions, because uncomfortable conversations can lead to significant personal and professional growth.

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