S3: Ep: 38 "My Awakening"

Your voice matters! For the longest time I believed my story didn't matter. My voice grew silent over the years as I kept everything bottled deep within. I was taught at an early age, that someone out there in the world had it much worse than I did .  A valuable lesson, however, as a child I quickly conditioned myself into believing my feelings, my emotions, my trauma didn't matter, as someone else had it far worse than I did. Raised in a middle class family, filled with so much love, I did feel lucky.  However, what I was feeling and going through, mattered, I just didn't think it was necessary to say anything. That is until I began my healing journey.  Living with a facial difference had its ups and downs, and now I'm hoping, that b y sharing my healing journey, I can help someone get their voice back too! Everyone's voice matters! 

Disclaimer: I am. not a professional, just a woman sharing her own personal healing journey to self love, while living with a facial difference. 

In this episode I simply talk about my recent new experience with feeling uncomfortable on a whole level as my healing journey progresses.  I had an entire podcast episode planned , written and laid out and its the night before release and all of a sudden I come across one of my favorite songs, Let it Be, which has so much beautiful meaning behind it.  I simply let it all go, let it be and changed my entire episode last minute. I trusted the process which ties along to my "why" I was experiencing so much release of emotion this past weekend, especially since I was unsure what it was I was releasing, until tonight that is. Listen to find out more! 

Disclaimer: I am not a professional therapist, I am sharing my own healing experience on my own. 

Have you ever heard a song that just brings back a memory as a child.  I have! The song Fly Away by Tones and I, raises my vibrations and just fills me with empowerment. It also brought me back to a childhood dream I had.  I dreamt that I was flying above my neighborhood. I was free, I felt so alive, it all felt so real. I was in my worth, in my power, soaring to new levels! This healing journey has given me my childhood back, it has filled me with love and gratitude and empowerment. I am soaring to new levels every single day. 

When asked, "how did I begin this self healing journey?" I remember saying "simple, I just began when I felt called to, when I was ready."  As I reflected back on my response, I realized, well that was a loaded question with a loaded response, because it actually wasn't that simple. I mean, it was, yet it was also very complex.  I was healing throughout my life, taking baby steps, but always finding myself stuck in the same cycles, repeating the same old patterns as before, changing yet fighting the changes. 

Until that is when I began choosing myself. Choosing to find my own happiness and not rely on others to bring me happiness. Validating my feelings and worth myself, and not relying on the validation from loved ones or by society. This would be a very long journey, yet the journey does not feel very long.  It's been painful yet rewarding and freeing at the same time. 

The moment I began to feel self worth and self love, I knew I was becoming aligned to my soul's purpose, my soul's mission to bring love back into existence and reflect this love to all. 

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed professional, just a woman who chose to begin her self healing journey on her own. 

The hardest part of my healing journey were the unsurmountable amount of goodbyes that needed to transpire, in order for me to move forward, to heal, to grow. In this episode I talk about how I had created my own tower moments since childhood, without ever realizing I was doing this.  I take you along my healing journey which awakened me to my spiritual journey.

Disclaimer: I am not a license professional, just a woman, who decided to change her life, to heal. 

I'd say I have come pretty far along my self healing journey, which ultimately lead me to my spiritual journey.  reflecting back into my darkest hours, searching for the light, the answers and never quite reaching the light, I was giving up slowly, on myself.  Not being a professional therapist, I traveled a road of doing the inner work on my own, utilizing  tools that life was offering all around me as resources to guide me along healing.  This ultimately lead me to realizing the light I was seeking, was always right there inside of me. I just couldn't see this until I unveiled the masks I placed upon me, shielding me from the traumas of my childhood, which only grew heavier as I grew older, because I wasn't ever ready to do the inner work, the shadow work, of feeling all my pains and insecurities, because it would leave me so naked to my own truths; that I had no self worth or self love. I yearned to just  be home. But what was home? My life was upside down, inside out as I unraveled my beautiful darkness and allowed my light to radiate through.  

Disclaimer: I am not a professional and am just a woman sharing her journey of healing and self love. 

Living with a facial difference was the beginning of my journey, but the heartbreak and heartache, was the beginning of my self healing and spiritual awakening that transformed the course of my journey and changed my being entirely.   I realized I had to walk away, detach and just sit within all of these painful feelings I was masking, and fighting against feeling. I allowed myself to sit within my own darkness and face each choice, relive each moment and take accountability of the masks I chose to wear not just within this connection, but within my entire journey.  Universe said, "you are not only going to heal from this heartache that left your soul so stricken, nope, you are going to put back every single piece of the mirror you shattered from childhood."  So, that is what this beautiful heartache did, it made me stronger, confident, more compassionate, more loving and allowed me to connect all the pieces that were so intertwined I just couldn't see it yet, the bigger picture!

Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist, just a girl, sharing her own healing journey, living with a facial difference. 

In today's episode I take you through life's challenges and how I have learned to embrace my darkness and my light to create more abundance for myself, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.  I am not a professional expert, just a woman, who found herself through her own self healing journey and now embraces her facial differences with love, with worthiness , with confidence. 

I decided to take my podcast on the road, as I got together with two amazing friends of mine whom I met at a Breast Cancer Y-Me softball tournament almost 15 years ago! Ever since then our friendship has only grown as we evolved over time.  

We haven't seen each other in a while and it was time for a road trip to Indiana to visit, so I had this great idea, "why not bring my podcast equipment and just see how it all unfolds!" 

I do warn you, since I am still very new to editing, I did the best that I could, with only two microphones. 

Our topic was transformation or a pivotal moment in our lives that transformed everything  for us.  When you put the three of us in a room, we tend to go off topic, or laugh our way through memories. Which actually include a day out hiking, with helicopters flying over us and police taping off the entrances and unbeknownst to us, they had found a body of a young girl who went missing in the same woods we were at. They never solved her murder and the topic of "what would we do if we were attacked" came up in conversation, but be advised it was sarcastic at the time, as this is how we handled the fear of it all. I haven't hiked that trail alone since, but will visit from time to time, sit in my car and just mediate. , 






Warning This episode does contain explicit language, discussions of drinking, embarrassing moments (nudity)  and material about an unsolved murder.

In this episode, I take you on a journey of Love and the game of basketball.  Playing basketball taught me about the illusion of disappearing, to free myself of any pain or turmoil I was experiencing.  On the court, I was just a girl, with a big love for basketball, nothing else mattered or existed.  That is until my sophomore year in high school when I was cut from the tram.  I lost the only identity I had left of myself. It wasn't until my 40's when I became more awoke to the journey basketball actually lead me on. Everything was designed to lead me to exactly where I am at today.