Kindness: Do It

Kindness is not only present in humans but also in animals, suggesting a genetic imperative for it. It goes against the idea of survival of the fittest, but when we dig into Darwin's writings, we find that he emphasized the importance of kindness, compassion, and empathy in healthy communities. Kindness acts as a lubricator that helps societies thrive and survive. When we observe children, we see that many are innately kind, but as they grow into cynical adults, these acts of kindness may diminish. Nevertheless, examples of kindness can be found in our daily lives, particularly in the interactions between children and their friends and classmates.

Humans may be innately good and biologically kind. Various studies and experiments have shown that even young children exhibit acts of kindness and empathy. For example, in one study, toddlers were happier when they shared their own treats with puppets rather than keeping them all for themselves. Additionally, another study observed that children became concerned when they saw an adult in need and felt relieved when they could offer help. This suggests that the desire to help others is instinctual and not simply motivated by self-interest or a need for recognition. Moreover, researchers have developed scales and measurements to assess kindness and empathy, highlighting the importance of understanding and evaluating the different aspects of being kind.

There are three key types of kindness: benign tolerance, empathetic responsivity, and principle ProAct action. These three types represent different levels of emotional connection and personal ties. The core of genuine kindness includes feeling sorry for others, making them happy, and having a soft heart. These three factors combine to create a truly kind person. Additionally, it was found that women tend to score higher on benign tolerance and principle ProAct action compared to men. Age, on the other hand, didn't show overall differences except for those over 40 scoring higher on principle ProAct action, possibly due to increased ability to contribute financially. Overall, kindness can be expressed and measured in various ways, regardless of socioeconomic status.

Lower socioeconomic individuals tend to give a higher proportion of their wealth to charity compared to those higher up in the socioeconomic ladder. While a billionaire may donate a large sum like a million dollars, it may not be as significant relative to their wealth as a lower-income individual giving a thousand dollars. This highlights the importance of considering the impact of charitable giving in relation to one's income and wealth. Additionally, engaging in acts of kindness not only benefits others but also has positive psychological and physiological effects. Kindness is an action that encompasses altruism, empathy, justice, respect, and more, and it can lead to a sense of exhilaration and wellbeing. Remember, kindness is a powerful pro-social behavior that can make a difference in both others' lives and our own.

Pro-social behavior, specifically acts of kindness, is closely linked to a concept called onic wellbeing, which refers to a deeper level of happiness associated with greater meaning or purpose. Informal acts of kindness, such as spontaneously helping someone, tend to provide more personal benefits and happiness than formal acts like organized charity work. The element of surprise in performing a kindness adds to the happiness experienced by individuals. Additionally, studies have shown that acts of kindness can have a positive impact on both the person performing the kindness and the recipient. Overall, embracing and practicing acts of kindness can lead to increased happiness and a sense of fulfillment in life.

Acts of kindness have a positive impact on our happiness. When we perform acts of kindness for others, we experience a "helper's high" and our bodies release oxytocin, also known as the love hormone, which creates feelings of warmth and contentment. Surprisingly, acts of kindness towards oneself can also have the same positive effect on happiness. Witnessing acts of kindness can even trigger similar feelings of happiness and well-being. This suggests that empathy plays a role in experiencing the benefits of kindness. So, whether we are performing acts of kindness for others, ourselves, or simply witnessing acts of kindness, incorporating kindness into our lives can significantly boost our happiness levels.

Acts of kindness not only benefit the recipient but also bring emotional and psychological benefits to the giver. It doesn't require individuals to personally perform acts of kindness to experience these benefits; simply observing or witnessing acts of kindness can evoke positive emotions and activate similar mirror neurons as if one had performed the act themselves. Studies have shown that the thought and gesture behind an act of kindness can be more impactful than the actual gift or favor itself. It has been found that individuals who receive warm and compassionate care, such as through conversations and small gestures, are more satisfied and less likely to seek repeated assistance. Kindness has the power to create a positive ripple effect in both the giver and the recipient, improving overall well-being.

Acts of kindness have a greater impact when they are noticed and acknowledged. The cupcake study showed that those who received the cupcake rated their happiness higher than the person who gave it, expecting a much higher impact. This human flaw of underestimating the effect of kind acts prevents us from being kind at times. Additionally, in strong relationships like family or close friends, acts of kindness may not always receive the gratitude we expect, dampening the overall happiness. However, in a study with newlyweds, it was found that acts of kindness that were noticed and acknowledged resulted in improved moods for both the giver and receiver. Thus, the impact of kindness lies not only in the action itself, but also in the recognition of it.

Acts of kindness, even small ones, play a crucial role in successful and lasting marriages. Researchers like the Gottmans have found that couples who engage in more kind acts towards each other, maintaining a ratio of four positive interactions to one negative interaction, have happier relationships. These acts can be as simple as giving your full attention to your spouse when they share something with you. Attention and turning towards your partner's bids for attention are vital. It's important to be mindful of distractions, like smartphones, that can hinder our ability to pay attention to our loved ones. Additionally, while guilt should not consume us, a little bit of guilt can lead to more generosity and acts of kindness. Building a successful relationship requires effort but can result in a fulfilling and meaningful partnership.

Excessive guilt-driven kindness can narrow our focus and prevent us from being kind to others who may also be in need. When we feel guilty and hyper-focused on one person, we may inadvertently disregard opportunities to show kindness to others. On the other hand, gratitude can inspire greater acts of kindness, even when it involves sacrificing something valuable to us. Gratitude encourages generosity towards others, and it doesn't have to be directed solely towards the person who showed us kindness. However, it is important to note that if we become aware of our acts of kindness, the sense of gratitude may diminish. Finally, those in professions or situations involving constant compassion and kindness may experience compassion fatigue, emphasizing the importance of self-care.

Compassion fatigue is a real and challenging issue that can affect certain occupations or situations. It can cause professionals to lose their drive for compassion and start feeling burnt out. However, there are resources available to help cope with compassion fatigue, such as reading about it on the web and finding effective solutions. It's important to take it easy on oneself and acknowledge that feeling resentment or struggling with compassion is human. Moreover, kindness is an action that can be easily practiced without the need for cultivation or a specific mindset. Being kind not only benefits both the giver and receiver but also keeps society thriving. So, don't hesitate to do acts of kindness and see how it positively impacts your well-being.