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    150. Sex is mental, not just physical ft. Gina Gutierrez

    In our thirties, we prioritize quality over quantity in our sexual experiences, embracing self-love, and enjoying the exploration of our sexual journeys. Our libido changes and we often find our best sex yet.

    enDecember 08, 2023

    About this Episode

    Often when we think about sex, we only think about the physical. We only think about the other person's enjoyment or what sex should  look like rather than what it could look like. Many of us have a very outdated understanding of what good, even great sex feels like and even less of an idea around how to achieve greater levels of pleasure and intimacy.

    In today's episode, we bring on the incredible Gina Gutierrez, co-founder of the audio erotica app, Dipsea to discuss how we can use story telling, fantasy, self exploration and mental imagery to have better sex in our 20s. We uncover the psychology behind why we love romance novels, how libido and desire changes (and improves) as we reach our 30s and some of the outdated, misconceptions about sex that we need to debunk. Listen now! 

     

    For 30 days of Dipsea for FREE follow this link: https://www.dipseastories.com/PSYCH20 

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    🔑 Key Takeaways

    • Dipsea offers a unique audio erotica experience that combines storytelling with realistic and aspirational insights, helping individuals navigate new sexual experiences and create more connected and fulfilling encounters.
    • By understanding the connection between our mental framework and our psychology, we can enhance our sexual experiences by exploring personal definitions of good sex and embracing activities that truly energize and excite us.
    • Exploring your own desires and pleasures through self-exploration is essential for a satisfying sexual experience, leading to better self-confidence and attracting partners who can enhance the experience.
    • There is no "normal" amount of sex to have, and it's important to focus on personal fulfillment rather than societal pressures or shame.
    • Quantity does not define quality; prioritize fulfilling and consensual interactions, challenge harmful stereotypes, and respect individual experiences and preferences.
    • It is important to unlearn societal norms and seek reliable resources to develop a positive understanding of sex, consent, and communication.
    • Society's increasing acceptance of sexuality allows individuals to explore and educate themselves about sex through various media, empowering them to embrace their own desires without judgment.
    • Pleasure, often deemed insignificant or sinful, needs to be liberated from societal constraints, allowing individuals, especially women, to explore and embrace it without guilt or fear.
    • Our generation values characters with depth and psychological satisfaction over perfect archetypes of attractiveness. Focus on creating relatable and nuanced characters in storytelling.
    • Media is slowly adapting to the demand for more diverse and representative portrayals of sexuality, reflecting the evolving societal attitudes and the younger generation's openness towards discussing and exploring their sexual identities.
    • In our thirties, we prioritize quality over quantity in our sexual experiences, embracing self-love, and enjoying the exploration of our sexual journeys. Our libido changes and we often find our best sex yet.
    • Embracing and experiencing our emotions, as well as having a trusted partner, are crucial for both mental well-being and entrepreneurial success.
    • Choosing the right business partner is crucial, as it can be more important than romantic relationships. Having conviction and courage in your idea, as well as finding supportive people, are crucial for entrepreneurial success.
    • It's important to choose a path that brings fulfillment and aligns with your strengths and values, whether it's being an entrepreneur or excelling in a structured job.
    • Embracing curiosity and individuality can lead to self-discovery, growth, and pleasure when exploring sexuality and pleasure with the Dipsea app.

    📝 Podcast Summary

    Dipsea: A Guidebook for Sex in Our Twenties

    Dipsea, an app for audio erotica, aims to provide a guidebook for sex in our twenties. With its original, sex-positive, and feminist stories, Dipsea offers a realistic and aspirational view of what sex could be like. By listening to these stories, individuals can learn how sex could happen, what they might say, or how they might navigate new experiences. In a world where guidebooks for sex are scarce, Dipsea fills this gap, creating a unique sexual wellness experience combined with great storytelling. The idea for the app came from the realization that despite liking someone, the quality of sex isn't always guaranteed. Dipsea aims to bridge that gap and provide a more connected and fulfilling sexual experience.

    Unlocking the Power of Our Minds for Better Sexual Experiences

    Our mental and psychological experiences have a significant impact on our sexual satisfaction. Often, we view our minds as obstacles to good sex, such as stress or distractions. However, by understanding the intersection between our mental framework and our psychology, we can actually use our minds to enhance our sexual experiences. This involves exploring our personal definitions of good sex, which may differ for everyone. It requires paying attention to what truly feels good across all aspects of our lives and questioning our preconceived notions. By noticing the activities and connections that genuinely energize and excite us, we can bring that same level of fulfillment into our sexual encounters. Ultimately, by harnessing the power of our minds, we can unlock a more gratifying and empowered sexual experience.

    Discovering Pleasure Through Self-Exploration

    Exploring and understanding your own desires and pleasures through self-exploration is crucial for a satisfying sexual experience. Gina Gutierrez highlights the importance of tuning in to your body's signals and recognizing what feels good and what doesn't. This is especially important in a world filled with distractions and preconceived notions about sex. The American sex education system often neglects the discussion of masturbation as a safe and empowering practice for self-discovery. By indulging in solo sex, individuals can discover their own preferences, fantasies, and boundaries without relying on societal expectations or harmful messages from porn. This self-exploration not only leads to better sex with oneself but also attracts partners who can elevate and enhance the experience. Ultimately, understanding and embracing one's own desires can create confidence and love for oneself, making a significant impact both in and outside the bedroom.

    Breaking Free from Societal Expectations on Sex

    There is a lot of pressure and shame surrounding the topic of sex. Society often puts sex on a pedestal and emphasizes the importance of having numerous sexual experiences. This can lead to feelings of self-shame for individuals who are not having as much sex as they feel they should be. Similarly, there is an obsession with quantifying sex and determining what is considered "normal" or "healthy." However, the truth is that everyone's idea of normal is different, and there is no right or wrong amount of sex to have. It is essential for individuals to focus on what feels good to them and not allow societal expectations to dictate their sexual experiences. Ultimately, it is about creating one's own idea of what matters and finding personal fulfillment.

    Challenging Societal Norms and Embracing Personal Sexual Experiences

    Our society places unnecessary pressure and judgment on individuals when it comes to sexual experiences. There is a common fear among young adults about not having enough experience or feeling embarrassed for not meeting societal expectations. However, it is important to recognize that the quantity of sexual encounters does not define the quality of those experiences. Whether you have had many partners or only one, what matters is that you are having fulfilling and consensual interactions that align with your own desires. The language used, such as "body count," perpetuates harmful stereotypes and diminishes the individuality and humanity involved in sexual connections. It is crucial to challenge these societal norms and focus on what truly matters – that everyone's experiences are valid and personal preferences should be respected.

    Challenging societal norms for a healthier understanding of sex

    Our early experiences and education about sex can shape our perceptions and understanding of it. If our first experiences are limited and based on societal norms, such as penetration-focused heterosexual encounters, it takes time and effort to unlearn and broaden our understanding of pleasure and consent. The lack of comprehensive and trustworthy resources adds to the difficulty in navigating this journey. It is important to find reliable sources that provide ethical content, such as paid platforms or trusted online communities. Additionally, exploring different resources, like fanfic or immersive storytelling experiences, can help in understanding personal preferences and expanding knowledge about consent and communication during sex. Overall, it is crucial to challenge harmful teachings and seek reliable information to foster a healthier and more positive understanding of sex.

    The Evolution of Sexual Content and Society's Changing Attitudes towards Sex

    The availability and acceptance of resources discussing sexuality and erotic content has grown over time. People now have more avenues to explore and educate themselves about sex, whether they choose to learn by experience or through media like erotica literature. The shift in societal attitudes towards sexuality is evident in the increasing popularity of romance-focused entertainment, such as the recent hit TV series Bridgerton. This change can be seen as a pushback against misogyny, where individuals are empowered to choose the type of media they enjoy without judgment. Despite past stigmas and societal pressures, it's important to embrace and acknowledge our own sexual desires, just like how our grandparents' generation also experienced them, even if they may have felt shame or kept it hidden.

    Redefining Pleasure: Challenging societal beliefs and guilt associated with embracing true pleasure, particularly in the context of romance novels.

    Our understanding of pleasure is often limited in Western society. We are taught that pleasure is a distraction or something to feel guilty about, rather than something important or valuable in its own right. This limited perspective has affected how we view and engage with certain forms of pleasure, such as romance novels. For decades, these novels were seen as silly and safe, but also something to feel guilty about. Pleasure, especially for women, is often regulated and restricted. It is seen as selfish, something to be earned, or even dangerous. This mindset stems from patriarchal beliefs and fears, leading to a lack of exploration and understanding of true pleasure. It is important to challenge these societal ideas and embrace pleasure without guilt or fear.

    The Shift Towards Complex and Vulnerable Characters in Storytelling

    Our generation is more interested in complex and psychologically satisfying characters. We no longer desire perfect archetypes of attractiveness, but rather characters with depth, nuance, and vulnerability. This can be seen in the popularity of fan fiction and recurring tropes featuring misunderstood or mysterious characters. An example of this is Christian Grey from Fifty Shades of Grey, who sparks debate about whether he is redeemable. While some may have enjoyed the series, our accidental book club's consensus was that it lacked appeal. We found the quick resolution of sex scenes to be unrealistic and unfulfilling. This highlights the importance of psychological satisfaction in storytelling, rather than solely focusing on physical form.

    The shifting landscape of media and the need for diverse representation in sexuality.

    There has been a significant shift in what millennials and Gen Z are consuming in terms of media and content. While Fifty Shades of Grey broke barriers by redefining romance novels, many people felt that it lacked nuance and mutual pleasure in its depiction of sex. This has prompted the need for more diverse and representative portrayals of sexuality in media. Shows like Bridgerton are attempting to explore these aspects on the big screen, something that wasn't common just five years ago. Additionally, there is a generational difference in experiences and perspectives, with the younger generation having more open discussions about sex and exploring their identities. This shift highlights the importance of diverse representation and evolving societal attitudes towards sexuality.

    Embracing Sexual Self-Discovery in Your Thirties

    As we enter our thirties, there is a shift in mindset towards focusing on the quality of our sexual experiences rather than the quantity. We start to prioritize self-love, body acceptance, and expanding our understanding of sex. The pressure to constantly be out and pushing ourselves diminishes, allowing us to fully attend to the moment and our sexual journey. Our libido also goes through shifts throughout life, and many people find that they are having better sex now than they did in their twenties. There is excitement in the exploration of sexual self-discovery, whether it's through taking classes or trying new experiences. The best is yet to come, and there is so much more life to be lived.

    Embracing emotions and finding a supportive partner: keys to a healthier mindset and entrepreneurial success.

    Embracing our feelings, both good and bad, can lead to a sense of liberation and a healthier mindset. In the past, the approach to negative thoughts or self-criticism was often to shame or suppress them, but now there is a shift towards sitting with those feelings and allowing ourselves to truly experience them. This shift aligns with positive psychology and a more holistic approach to mental health. Additionally, when it comes to entrepreneurship, having a supportive and trusted partner can make a significant difference. The journey of starting a business requires passion, resilience, and the ability to balance each other's emotions during challenging times. Ultimately, finding the right teammate and building a strong foundation is crucial for success.

    The Importance of Choosing the Right Partner and Having Conviction and Courage in Entrepreneurial Success

    Choosing the right business partner is crucial because you'll be spending a significant amount of time together. Gina Gutierrez emphasizes that her business partner is like her other partner and their selection has been more important than her romantic relationships in the past five years. Another key takeaway is that having high conviction in your idea is essential, even in the face of doubt from others. Gina shares that you have to believe in what you're doing and constantly reassess if your beliefs still hold true. Building self-esteem and finding people who support and remind you of the importance of your idea are also crucial for success. Furthermore, it takes courage to seize and hold onto million-dollar ideas and push through challenging times when you're not seeing immediate results. Overall, choosing the right partner and having conviction and courage are essential components of entrepreneurial success.

    Finding Your Own Path in Entrepreneurship

    Everyone has their own path and what works for one person may not work for another. Being an entrepreneur is not for everyone, and that's okay. It's important to find what truly excites you and what kind of pain you are willing to tolerate. Some people thrive in the uncertainty and responsibility of entrepreneurship, while others find happiness in having a structured job where they can excel in their role. There's no shame in choosing a path that brings you fulfillment and aligns with your strengths and values. It's about picking the game you want to play and being mindful of what feels good for you, even if it may be challenging at times.

    Exploring sexuality and pleasure for personal growth and understanding through the Dipsea app.

    Exploring sexuality and pleasure is an important aspect of personal growth and understanding. The conversation surrounding sex and pleasure should be open and explored in depth, as it delves into various psychological facets. The Dipsea app provides an opportunity to experience diverse audio content that can enhance one's understanding and enjoyment of intimacy. By offering a 30-day free trial, Dipsea allows individuals to fully explore their desires and decide if the app and its stories are suitable for them. Following Dipsea on TikTok and Instagram provides access to engaging and educational content, further enhancing the overall experience. As we continue to embrace our curiosity and embrace our individuality, we can embark on a journey of self-discovery, growth, and pleasure.

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