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    I Feel Like I'm Living Two Different Lives

    enJune 07, 2024

    Podcast Summary

    • Hidden AddictionsRecognize the two versions of yourself, address the behavior through eliminating means and seeking support, and take radical steps to regain control.

      Struggling with a hidden addiction can feel isolating and shameful, but it's important to recognize that there are two versions of yourself, and seeking help and addressing the behavior is crucial. John DeLoney's guest, Shane, shared his experience of having a gambling addiction that he kept hidden from others, even from himself. He felt fine in his daily life but would give in to moments of weakness when he was alone and feeling down. Shane was successful in his career as a project manager, but he couldn't reconcile the fact that he was out of control in this area of his life. He felt ashamed and didn't know where to start to break the cycle. DeLoney advised Shane to attack the behavior by getting rid of the means to gamble, such as the internet and his phone, and to reach out to real people for support. Shane acknowledged that he hadn't let the addiction consume him completely yet but wanted to nip it in the bud. DeLoney emphasized that Shane couldn't use his project management skills to solve this problem and that it would be uncomfortable, but necessary. Shane revealed that he had been gambling on casino games for several years, mostly online, and that many of his friends had also gotten into it. DeLoney urged Shane to cut up the card he used to buy and send money to the casino and to commit to cashing out his Bitcoin purse by the end of the day. This radical step would help Shane take control and start the process of recovery.

    • Gambling triggersIdentifying and avoiding triggers is crucial for managing gambling addiction. Negative emotions and boredom can lead to relapse. Effective ways to cope include deleting gambling apps, seeking support, and finding healthier alternatives.

      Addiction, in this case, gambling, can be a constant struggle, and it's essential to identify triggers and find effective ways to avoid them. The individual in this conversation acknowledges that he's been losing around $2,000 a month for the past few years, which, although it may not seem significant day by day, adds up to a substantial amount over time. He's tried various methods to quit, such as self-exclusion and deleting accounts, but finds himself logging back in when faced with negative emotions or boredom. The conversation highlights the importance of addressing the root causes of the addiction and finding healthier ways to cope with stressors. The individual was encouraged to delete gambling apps, put a credit freeze on his accounts, and seek support from friends or family. The potential financial consequences of continuing the addiction were emphasized, as the losses could quickly escalate and lead to a cycle of debt.

    • Building a support systemReach out for help, cancel credit cards, seek support from loved ones, attend local meetings, focus on community, create an emergency fund, maintain spiritual practices, communicate openly with loved ones, and remember seeking help is a sign of strength.

      When facing addiction or feeling overwhelmed, it's essential to reach out for help and build a support system. This can include canceling credit cards, seeking the help of a trusted friend or family member, attending local meetings, and focusing on creating a community and emergency fund for your life. Additionally, maintaining spiritual practices, such as prayer and meditation, can provide valuable support during chaotic times. If you're struggling with a loved one's addiction, it's important to communicate openly and provide support while also setting boundaries. And for those dealing with addiction themselves, it's crucial to remember that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. The summer months can be particularly challenging, so having resources like Hallow's prayer and meditation app can help keep you spiritually plugged in and focused on your well-being.

    • Divorce and Alcohol ExposureParents going through a divorce need to be aware of potential alcohol dangers for their children from ex-spouse's new family. Clear communication, boundaries, and support are crucial.

      Parents going through a divorce need to be aware of the potential dangers their children may face when it comes to alcohol exposure from their ex-spouse's new family. Growing up without alcohol in the house, one parent had a sensitivity to it due to their grandfathers being alcoholics. However, since the divorce, alcohol has become readily available in their ex-husband's new household. The mother is trying to support her daughters and be a voice for them, but has not reached out to her ex-husband about the issue. The legality of offering alcohol to underage children with a parent present varies, and the conversation with the ex-husband might not go well. The mother emphasizes the importance of setting clear boundaries and having open conversations with her daughters about the situation. She also acknowledges the complexity of the situation and the need to walk a fine line between expressing her concerns and not alienating her daughters from their father. Overall, the discussion highlights the importance of open communication, clear boundaries, and support for children in the midst of a divorce and potential alcohol exposure from their other parent.

    • Communication and RespectEffective communication and respect are crucial in addressing complex family situations, such as setting boundaries for children's safety and discussing financial and role changes in marriage.

      Effective communication and respect are essential in navigating complex situations, especially when it comes to raising children and making important decisions as a couple. In the first part of the discussion, a mother expressed concern about her new step-wife offering alcohol to her teenage children. She emphasized the importance of setting boundaries and ensuring her children's safety, even if it means potentially embarrassing interactions with adults. In the second part, a wife was hesitant about her husband's desire to become a stay-at-home parent due to financial concerns. The conversation highlighted the importance of expressing feelings honestly and respecting each other's goals and desires. Overall, the discussions underscored the importance of open communication, respect, and prioritizing the well-being of children in challenging situations.

    • Role reversal in relationshipsUnderstanding and respecting each other's struggles during role reversal, communicating openly, and finding a balance that works for both partners are essential in maintaining a healthy relationship during this transition period.

      Both parties in a relationship may experience unexpected challenges and feelings when roles are reversed, such as one partner becoming a full-time parent while the other continues to work outside the home. The conversation revealed that the husband and wife are both feeling the weight of new responsibilities and adjusting to their new roles. The husband underestimated the demands of staying at home and caring for their newborn, while the wife felt the burden of managing both household and work responsibilities. It's important to acknowledge and respect each other's struggles, communicate openly, and be kind during this transition period. Additionally, it's essential to recognize that everyone's situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. Ultimately, it's crucial to find a balance that works for both partners and prioritize the well-being of their family.

    • Starting a familyCommunication, flexibility, and trust are crucial for navigating the transition to starting a family, which involves financial and relational changes, and requires acknowledging the end of your old life and embracing the opportunity to build a new one together.

      Transitioning to a new stage of life, such as starting a family, requires adjustments and open communication between partners. Trust in your partner's capabilities and be prepared for financial and relational changes. It's essential to acknowledge the end of your old life and embrace the opportunity to build a new one together. Be flexible and take it one step at a time, making decisions based on the present situation, rather than focusing on the rest of your life. Remember that seeking support from friends and maintaining personal hobbies and relationships are crucial for maintaining mental health and preventing feelings of isolation. Communication, flexibility, and a willingness to adapt are key to navigating this new phase of life successfully.

    • Self-care and relationshipsPrioritize self-care, set achievable goals, communicate effectively, seek professional help when needed, and find time for relationships to improve personal growth and well-being.

      It's essential to prioritize self-care, set achievable goals, and seek professional help when needed. Life can be overwhelming, especially during challenging times, and it's crucial to make time for personal growth and reconnection. Communication and understanding are key in relationships, and finding small pockets of time and resources to focus on each other can make a significant difference. Therapy, whether in-person or online, can provide a safe and effective space to process emotions, analyze past experiences, and create a plan for future improvement. Remember, it's okay to ask for help and prioritize your well-being.

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