Are You Healthy? (what does that even mean?)

Let me ask you a question:  have you ever thought of yourself as a binge eater?  Or maybe you've noticed that you have a part that binges?  This is something that many people engage in at least sometimes, and for some folx it happens daily.

But what exactly is binge eating?  I find that many of my clients describe themselves as binge eaters, but they actually aren't.  And to me, if you're going to use a label, be sure it's accurate.

According the field of psychiatry and the DSM-V, a binge is characterized as:  

1. Eating, in a discrete period of time (e.g., within any 2-hour period), an amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat in a similar period of time under similar circumstances
2. The sense of a lack of control over eating during the episode (e.g., a feeling that one cannot stop eating or control what or how much one is eating)

Honestly, I don't find this definition particularly helpful (and I go into why that is on this week's podcast episode).  But, in general, binge eating is eating a large amount of food and feeling out of control.  It's not merely eating foods that you "shouldn't" or eating in response to your emotions.  I think many people don't realize this.  They consider a binge to be eating three cookies after a stressful work meeting.  That may be emotional eating, but that's not bingeing.

On this week's podcast, we're talking about binge eating.  We get into:

• What binge eating technically is and why the diagnostic criteria are problematic
• Why it happens from a physical perspective
• Why it happens from a psychological perspective (i.e. how does IFS view binge eating)

Then we get into what's known as the binge/restrict cycle.  This is a pattern wherein people go back and forth between binge eating and restricting (dieting) and back to binge eating again.  This can happen over the course of a day, a week, a couple months, or even a few years.  It's an extremely frustrating cycle that's very hard to get out of.

In IFS terms, this cycle is a polarization between binge eating parts and restricting parts.  Each side takes over at different times, leaving you stuck in a ping pong match between your parts.  We discuss this cycle at length in the podcast, and we talk about how to get out of it.  

If you think you've ever binged, this is a great episode to listen to.  I hope that it clarifies some things for you.  And I hope that it gives you some ideas on how to stop the cycle.

And speaking of gaining more clarity, just a reminder that the Food and Body Freedom Workshop Series is starting on Tuesday, March 19th, 2024.  I've got three experiential workshops planned that will help you to understand:

• why you use food the way you do
• the familial and cultural influences on your relationship with food and your body
• how to treat your body with kindness

You can do all three workshops or pick and choose the ones that appeal to you.

Where to find me:

drkimdaniels.com

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Are you familiar with the Enneagram?  The "test" that views personality as nine interconnected types?  I wasn't, until about three years ago.  And even then, I took an online test, bought a book, read the chapter that corresponded with my "type," and never looked at it again.

But....

I've had parts in the background of my mind who have been curious about it.  And every time I see one of Tammy Sollenbergers' posts about the Enneagram or a new group that she's starting to help you incorporate the Enneagram and IFS I think, "I need to look at that again."

So I decided to reach out to Tammy and ask her to come on to the podcast to talk about it.  And thankfully, she agreed!

Tammy Sollenberger is an IFS therapist and the host of the One Inside Podcast.  She's also the author of The One Inside:  Thirty Days to Your Authentic Self.  And she co-leads a course with Joan Ryan, an Enneagram expert, on using IFS and the Enneagram to "observe your patterns, unblend from parts, and make new choices."

In this week's podcast Tammy and I talk about the Enneagram and how well it integrates with IFS.  Both models can help you to know yourself at a much deeper level, but using them together can add even more awareness and understanding.  And, at least for me, knowing that there are aspects of my personality that are hard-wired to see the world in a certain way, at least to some degree, helps my parts to be much less critical of how I think and what I do.  

In this episode, Tammy talks about how each part has a "focus of attention," meaning a certain thing that really matters the most to them, and she goes through each type and explains that focus.  She also explains how our parts will respond differently to things based on our Enneagram type.  Like you and I could have the exact same experience, but if our types are different, our parts will react differently.

AND, we get into a discussion about how the Enneagram can help you understand your relationship with food.  Tammy was able to speak to this but also connected me with Joan Ryan, an Enneagram expert, who'll be coming onto the podcast to take a much deeper dive into this.  

It's all pretty fascinating, if you ask me.  

And I think the combination of IFS and the Enneagram can lead to much deeper self-understanding, and ultimately a deeper level of healing.  Sign me up! 

If all of that sounds interesting to you, take a listen!  

Where to find Tammy:

https://tammysollenberger.com/

Joan Ryan's Type Cards:  https://creativecollaborations.net/product/help-me-find-my-enneagram-type/

The book we discuss

My upcoming workshop series

Food and Body Freedom for Therapists and Practitioners

Food and Body Freedom for Non-Therapists

IFS Master Class

Where to find me:

drkimdaniels.com

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I think many (most) of us have had the experience of feeling out-of-control with food, at least to some degree.  It feels like something or someone else has taken over and you're just along for the ride.

In IFS terms, we call that being "blended" with a part.  The part has literally hijacked the system and is running the show.  And Self is very hard to access.  

One of the things that my clients always want to work on is what to do in the moment when this is happening.  Which makes complete sense, right?  How can I stop the roller coaster before it even starts?

But...

I don't think that's where most of the work actually is.  Sure, that can be helpful, and we do talk about how to be more present and aware in those moments.  But in my experience, the real work is when this isn't happening.  The real work is getting to know your parts when your system is calm, and you have more access to Self.

And we're talking about why that part of the work is so important on this week's podcast.  In this episode, we're focusing on why it's essential to regularly check in with and get to know parts within your eating system and why this is what makes it easier to unblend from your parts when they start to take over.

And yes, we also talk about what to do in those moments when your parts start hijacking you.  Check it out!

And if you’re interested in getting to know your parts, join me for the Food and Body Freedom Experiential IFS Workshop Series! I’m doing three workshops, all of which IFS-based and experiential (meaning no didactics), and all of which will guide you in getting to know more parts that are related to food and body concerns. You can buy the whole series for $129 or pay for one or two at $49 each. Head here for all of the details!

Where to find me:

Therapy website (for therapists and practitioners):  drkimdaniels.com

Coaching website (for non-therapists):  yourweightisnotyourworth.com

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Changing your relationship with food and with your body can be quite the complicated process, can't it?  It seems like we often take two steps forward and four (or more?) steps back.  I think that's because sometimes we go too far too fast, and we experience a backlash from parts.

Let me give you an example.  Say you feel out-of-control with food sometimes (or a lot of the time).  You decide to control your eating by putting certain parameters around it.  Maybe you cut down on carbs or tell yourself you can't eat past a certain time of the day.  And maybe you do that for a while, and you feel more in-control.

And then one day, you (actually, your parts) say, "f* it.  I want some bread!  And a late-night snack!"  And you start eating, seemingly with reckless abandon.

In IFS, this is what we call a backlash.  You went too far in one direction (restriction) and parts rebelled against it (by breaking the rules you had set with food).  It makes total sense when you think about it.  Our parts are using and/or restricting food for a reason, and when we just try to change what they're doing, they don't like it.  We're changing their job and taking away the only way they know how to help us.

This is why we need to take smaller steps when we're working toward change.  

In this week's podcast, I'm talking about the concept of being "comfortably uncomfortable" during the process of healing your relationship with food and your body with my guest, Celia Clark.  Celia is a Food and Body Image Specialist who began her therapy career working in addictions.  She has completed advanced education in Eating Disorders and Complex Trauma is trained in various modalities, including Person-Centred Counselling, Family Therapy, EMDR and Internal Family Systems (IFS). 

Celia now works primarily through a parts lens and believes the parts of ourselves invested in impulsive or compulsive eating behavior as a solution often have positive intentions and are unaware of the consequences. By getting to know these parts, we begin to build safety and trust within our internal system and heal the shame-based wounding and internal disconnection that so often drives our challenges with nourishment. This safety and trust also supports a return to the body, where our sense of belonging originates. By learning to reconnect with ourselves in this way, our body again becomes a place to live in and from, a place to call home.

Celia and I talk about a few things in this episode, including:

• The concept of nourishment and how she considers nourishment to be a two-part process: that of giving nourishment to our parts and that of our parts receiving it from Self
• How helpful IFS has been to her own system as well as to her clients in healing food and body concerns 
• What Celia calls the "confusion around chaotic controlled eating"
• The need to become "comfortably uncomfortable" when we work toward change
• How to begin slowly providing for your parts’ needs

I truly enjoyed our conversation, and I hope that you do too!  Head here to listen, and check out all of Celia's offerings here.

Where to find me:

Therapy website (for therapists and practitioners):  drkimdaniels.com

Coaching website (for non-therapists):  yourweightisnotyourworth.com

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I have a question for you:  are you hungry?  If your answer is yes, how can you tell?  If your answer is no, how you can tell?  And if your answer is, I have no idea, you're in the right place!

Not surprisingly, the topic of hunger comes up a lot with my clients.  It's hard to talk about eating and food issues without talking about hunger.  And one of the questions I hear a lot is:

Am I hungry?  Or is it a part?  How can I tell???

If this is a question that's come up for you too, then this week's podcast is right up your alley.  

Hunger can be confusing for many of us, even though it's really very simple.  Hunger is just our body's way of telling us it needs food.  Simple.  But it's become a thing.  Especially for womxn.  

Diet culture has taught us to ignore, distrust, and even fear our hunger.  How many times have you heard one of these lines:

• You're not hungry--you're bored.
• If you're hungry, just drink some water.
• Be sure to eat every 2-3 hours so you never get hungry.

Advice like this just teaches you to ignore what your body is telling you.  That's essentially like ignoring your body when it tells you to sleep.  To use the bathroom.  To sneeze.  Imagine telling someone, hey--if you're thirsty, just go eat a steak.  How preposterous is that????  And yet that's the same thing as drinking water when you're hungry.  Thirst isn't hunger.  Water isn't food.

On this week's podcast, we're talking about the topic of hunger and everything that comes with.  We're discussing:

• The difference between physical and emotional hunger (i.e. am I hungry or is this a part?) 
• How to notice physical hunger cues
• What may be blocking you from noticing your hunger cues, such as:
  • Never being taught to notice them
  • Chronic dieting that taught you to ignore or fear hunger
  • Trauma
  • Body hatred
• What hunger may mean to you

We're also talking about the fact that hunger is normal!  It shouldn't be ignored or feared.  It's just your body telling you it needs fuel.  

So, if you had a hard time answering my question above, or if you have a difficult time noticing or connecting to your hunger cues, definitely take a listen!

Click below for information on my upcoming groups:

Food and Body Freedom for Therapists and Practitioners

Food and Body Freedom for Non-Therapists

Where to find me:

Therapy website (for therapists and practitioners):  drkimdaniels.com

Coaching website (for non-therapists):  yourweightisnotyourworth.com

Instagram

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Quick trigger warning here:  lots of talk today about diets and the scale.  If you're not up for it, no worries--just skip it.

It’s January, and you know what that means. It’s diet season. Ugh....I turned on the tv this morning and saw an ad for a diet program within five seconds.  About one minute later, there was one for a weight loss medication.  Yep.  We'll be completely inundated with ads for diet programs, gyms, medications, etc. for the next few weeks.   

And it’s hard not to get dragged into all of this, isn’t it? I sometimes have parts that will think, "Maybe we should do that" when they see this information nonstop.  It's hard not to think that.

But this podcast isn't about diet culture and whether or not you should be dieting or focusing on weight.  It's about one aspect of diet culture:  the scale.

In a new series called "Let's Talk About...," we'll be focusing on various topics related to emotional eating, IFS, diet culture, body image, etc.  These are the topics that have been on my list for awhile, so I'm getting to them this season.  

And whether or not to step on that scale has been on that list for quite awhile now.  

On this week's podcast, we talk a little about the history of the scale, and then move into a discussion on whether or not to weigh yourself.  And of course the answer to that comes down to parts.  Who is the part that's leading you to the scale?  Why are they wanting you to weigh yourself?  And more importantly, what are they afraid will happen if you don't step on that scale?  

We also talk a bit about the polarizations within many of our systems related to weight and the scale, and how the scale is related to the this idea that we can and should be controlling our bodies.  We end on how to approach the scale at your physician's office. 

So if you have a complicated relationship with the scale (who doesn't?), this one's for you!  

And if you're an IFS or IFS-informed therapist or practitioner who's curious about how to help your clients with food and body issues, join me for the IFS and the Eating System Master Class!  We’ll be covering such topics as helping clients get to know their eating parts, working with polarizations, legacy burdens, body image, and Self-led eating.  We'll be meeting as a group every other Monday from 12:00-2:00 pm EST starting on January 22nd, and you also get two individual consultation sessions with me over the course of the master class to use however you choose.  Head here to check it out!

Where to find me:

Therapy website (for therapists and practitioners):  drkimdaniels.com

Coaching website (for non-therapists):  yourweightisnotyourworth.com

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Here we are, smack-dab in the middle of holiday season. Maybe the holiday you celebrate has passed already, and all you have left is New Years.  Or maybe it hasn't happened yet.  Either way, we're not done yet!

I don't have to tell you that the holidays can be a really tough time of year for people who struggle with food.  This time of year can feel like a food minefield that's nearly impossible to navigate.  

I think there are few reasons for this.  First off, food is everywhere right now.  It's hard to resist.  And some of it is food that you only get this time of year, so there's a real pull to dive in.  

In addition to that, the holidays can be really stressful.  It just seems like there's too much to do, and not enough time to do it.  From all of the expectations we put on ourselves to all of the expectations that others put on us, it can feel really overwhelming.

And finally, if this time of year brings up difficult emotions for many of us.  Maybe family gatherings are difficult to attend.  Or you're feeling isolated.  Or you're remembering loved ones who are no longer here.  Yes, lots of strong emotions are brought up this time of year.   

So if you're someone who turns to food to manage stress, comfort yourself, or distract from painful emotions, this is a tough time of year, to be sure.

But as difficult as it may be, it's not impossible.  And here's where IFS can be really helpful.  

On this week's podcast, we're talking about why this time of year can be so difficult in terms of food and how to navigate it with the help of IFS.  Some of what we're talking about is:

• Remembering that the parts that lead us to food are trying to help us!

• Maintaining realistic expectations for ourselves

• Setting boundaries

• The need for curiosity and compassion

• Regularly checking in with parts

We're almost across the finish line!  You got this!  But if you need a little extra help, take a listen to this week's podcast!

And if you're really curious about your own eating system and/or helping your clients with theirs, I have some exciting groups for you! 

• IFS and the Eating System Master Class 

• Food and Body Freedom 

Where to find me:

Therapy website (for therapists and other helping professionals):  drkimdaniels.com

Coaching website (for non-therapists):  yourweightisnotyourworth.com

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What comes to mind when I ask you this question:

Are you healthy?

My guess is, if your answer is "yes," you started running down a list of physical metrics that support your answer.  Like, your recent bloodwork was good, you exercise regularly, you "eat right."

I'm also going to guess that if your answer is "no," you also ran down a list of physical metrics that support your answer.  Things like, I don't workout enough, I don't eat "good" enough, my A1C is too high.

But here's my other question:  why, when I asked about health, did you only focus on your physical health?  (Unless of course you focused on other things and if that's the case, good for you!)  

We seem to live in a world where when we think of health and wellness, we only think about our physical body.  But in reality, there are eight different aspects of health.  Yeah--I didn't know that either.  Any idea what they are?  See if you can guess...I'll wait...

How many of these did you get:  physical, intellectual, emotional, social, spiritual, vocational, financial, and environmental.  

Eight different aspects of health.  I think that's really important to remember, and I'll tell you why.  First of all, there is so much more to us than just our physical bodies.  We all have relationships to nurture, jobs to do, money to manage, and brains to build.  And, of course, we all have feelings and emotions that are incredibly important to attend to as well.  

And secondly, we live in a world that equates weight with health.  So when we focus predominantly on physical health, we tend to focus far too much on weight.  And that can be really damaging to the other aspects of health. I've seen time and time again clients who are essentially engaging in disordered eating in order to achieve a weight that (supposedly) makes them physically healthy (I say supposedly because weight loss does not always result in a marked improvement in health.  In fact, weight loss very often leads to weight gain, and this cycle can damage your physical health) 

That's not health.  

I can't say that often enough or loud enough.  Damaging your emotional health for the sake of physical health isn't health.  Period end of story.

On this week's podcast, we're talking about what being healthy actually means, and how to make sure you're doing what contributes to good health for you.  Spoiler alert:  it may not be what the rest of the world says it is.  

I think this is a really important topic as we head into the holiday season (because I'm guessing you have parts that are concerned about all of the holiday treats in your near future and whether or not eating them is "healthy") and of course into January (when diet culture BS will be in full-swing!).  Take a listen!

It's Thanksgiving week here in the US, and that always brings up the topic of gratitude.  Last season at this time, I did an episode called "Giving Thanks for Two Things We Love to Hate" (the two things being our body and our emotional eating behaviors), and this season I'm doing something similar.  But this time, I'm just focusing on giving thanks to your body.

Since most of us tend to be at least mildly critical of our bodies, I think there's always a need for talking about showing them gratitude.  My guess is, even if you listened to last year's podcast and dozens of others just like it, you didn't do a complete 180 on how you feel about your body (but if you did, woo-hoo!).  

The feelings and beliefs our parts carry about our bodies run deep.  And since we've all grown-up with a barrage of messages teaching us to hate our bodies, I think we need a barrage of messages teaching us how to accept them.  

And part of acceptance is gratitude.

Since I like to try to sound intelligent, I googled the word gratitude so that I could quote the exact meaning.  Here it is:  "the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness." 

I have to say, I didn't think that the Oxford dictionary would include the word kindness when it defined gratitude, but I love that it did.  So in addition to showing your body acceptance and gratitude, let's add kindness in there too.  

It sounds so simple doesn't it?  Maybe it can be.

On this week's podcast, we're talking about how to show your body gratitude. And that doesn't mean standing in front of the mirror and saying things that you know you're supposed to say to yourself but that you don't mean.  There's nothing about that that's helpful.  

Instead, we're talking about how to truly show your body some gratitude.  And we're checking in with our parts while we're doing it.

All bodies deserve respect, gratitude, acceptance, and kindness.  And if those are something that you struggle with, this is the episode for you.  Take a listen!

Where to find me:

Therapy website:  drkimdaniels.com

Coaching website:  yourweightisnotyourworth.com

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On this week's episode, I had the pleasure of speaking with Diana Dugan Richards, a Nutrition Therapist with a private practice (Namaste Nutrition) in Watertown, MA.  As a registered, licensed dietitian for 25 years and nutrition therapist since 2011 and from a springboard of yoga and exercise philosophy, Diana offers nutrition counseling in a weight-neutral approach and sets a foundation of curiosity for clients to discover and shift into their own eating philosophy and beliefs. Diana is also a Certified IFS practitioner and combines her skills in IFS, Ayurveda nutrition, and yoga therapy to guide clients toward achieving integration and balance in their relationship with food.  

In other words, she does things very differently than most dietitians!  

Diana is a level 3 trained Certified IFS Practitioner and as you'll notice during our discussion, Diana approaches her clients with huge amounts of curiosity and compassion, allowing them to explore the parts of them that are using food in various ways.  Diana also talks about what she calls the "erroneous beliefs" that we've all learned from diet culture.  She gives the example of, "If you're really hungry, the apple looks good."  "When there's a shouldn't we hear inside, there's always a should."

Other points that we discuss:

• The prevalence of polarities within peoples' systems.  
• Cultural body ideals and how body diversity "has been with us for centuries"
• Why Intuitive Eating and/or Health at Every Size doesn't work for everyone
• The importance of listening to your body and how Diana works with clients to notice the parts of them that aren't noticing their body's cues

And yes, we talk a little about weight loss and how focusing on that often backfires for people. 

Diana is incredibly knowledgeable, open, and curious, and I'm so thankful for the work that she's doing.  Take a listen!

Where to find Diana:

Website:  https://namastenutrition.net/

Book:  Freeing Self:  IFS Beyond the Therapy Room

Where to find me:

Therapy website:  drkimdaniels.com

Coaching website:  yourweightisnotyourworth.com

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