Hello, it's Monday the 30th of December. I'm Miranda Soya and I'm already revved for New Year's Eve. Welcome back to Papercuts, the modern newspaper review. This is the show where we encourage the UK papers to go for some proper New Year's resolutions. So the telegraph has signed Meghan Markle as a diversity champion
The male has decided that middle-aged women don't have to bother revving up their sex lives after all, and the star will never refer to Trump as an orange man baby ever again. Actually, we'll take that one back. And why not become a Paper Cuts supporter? For under £4 a month, you can get shows with no adverts and with an added funny bit each episode, plus the chance to join us on the occasional but very exciting Paper Cuts live stream!
Now here are the headlines for today's show. Dumped, now trumped. Donald Trump wins the US election and will become the 47th president of the USA. No rest for the wicked, Ariana Grande and Cynthia Arevo talk about their film in the weirdest way. And 2020 more. What were our favourite things of this year? I apologise for that one.
Welcome to Paper Cuts. We read the papers so you don't have to. Thanks for joining us on Paper Cuts, where we're actually not sure what day of the week is. I'm Rhonda Sawyer and joining me today is comedian, impressionist and week-long sofa surfer. It's Jan Ravens. Hi, Jan. Hello, I'm just, I've just emerged, just emerged from a onesie.
And also joining us is a podcaster, comedian and tiny Twixtmus Tera. It's Granny Maguire! Hey Granny! Nala Khanna Div! We don't have any front pages today, but we do have some brilliant covers from The Daily Star on Sunday because we love it. Jan, what have you got? You can talk through these.
OK, so this is from Daily Star on Sunday, which I didn't even know. This one is about exclusive folks blessed with oversized hooters, slow as buying a pint.
By hooters presumably they mean noses and not. Anyway, the headline is, oh, get you around in Pinocchio. Yeah. It's actually a picture of Pinocchio buying, getting around in some booze. At least with Pinocchio, he claims that he already got around in. It'd be very obvious.
And then you've got another one. Yeah, this is from The Daily Star. So it says, sub the budget. This is the biggest and most important story today. Ghosts are dying out. What? What? I can't believe we missed the story. What is happening? This is bad. Yeah, ghosts, buffs have reported fewer and fewer sightings of them. It says, who would have thought it.
we should be happy that more and more ghosts are stepping into the light. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe they've found that. That's a very spiritual angle. Yeah, it is. And your last one, yes, my last one is, okay, so the star always has something about boffins. It was something about boffins and they go somewhere. But anyway, a top boffin has confirmed that it's not a disgusting habit to relieve yourself in the shower. And it says, wiggle in the shower to save the planet.
And the guy who's doing it looks very happy, doesn't he? Yeah, he's thrilled with himself. OK, well, that's good to know. So, Gronya, you have some also. Let's see yours. OK. So, daily star, famously, price of animals. Just thought I'd mention that. This headline is, I'm afraid you have a serious case of bog bum, Mr Jones. And that's doctors identify nasty new conditions caused by our mobile phones.
Mobile phone, are you sitting on the box? I think it's like using your phone to wipe your bum. No! It's wrong! It's not that! That's what it is! So we've done the daily sorrow thing, people are using the phone to wipe the both tough, you know, these difficult times, people have to make a thousand pound bob wipe.
So one presumes is people on the toilet too long. I'm looking on Instagram. Next daily star headline. If AI said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? And it's the news that cheesy chat post chat up lines are a huge turn off.
Turn off. Turn off. I'm glad to hear it. So Chuck GBT and AI, you have the future, but it will be a lonely one. Yeah. Tough look, robots. And then I think this is my final headline. A room with a room. It was a big year for ghosts. It is the news that Holmes, under the hammer start, was attacked by a ghoul.
Oh, my goodness. So do you think that all the ghosts that were not being seen just moved across because they had a big, you know, kind of grudge against the homes under the hammer star and decided to attack him? Yeah, I think this is maybe they just miss a vet fielding on most haunted. Right. And they've been radicalised and now they're attacking other daytime TV presenters. The only, the only, that's the science. The only thing that makes sense. Boffinger on your speech.
Now, on November the 5th, in a result so decisive it was actually breathtaking, Donald Trump, remember him, swept a victory in the US presidential election, the Republicans won 312 seats, the Democrats only 226, it was a battering, okay, Jan. This was a bit of a shock, wasn't it? But then suddenly it wasn't after that.
One couldn't believe that they were, you know, that they were going to elect him again. In particular, you know, half the population of women and surely all of them would not want him. But I mean, you know, one kept seeing all these women at Republican conventions going, Oh, sure. You know, he did this and he did that. But you know, he's only human. And there was all this kind of, you know, forgivingness towards his, you know, his rape charges and everything. I mean, it was absolutely incredible. And I kind of feel that, you know,
We were, well, I certainly was kind of riding on a wave of hopefulness and optimism that it wouldn't happen, but it couldn't happen. And that, you know, Carmella was going to come through. But anyway, I mean, we'll discuss later why she didn't, but I could not believe it. Yeah, it was a big shock. I think it was the classic thing of, you know, as all living in a liberal bubble. But yeah, there was also the fact that before Carmella came,
Along and she was she only had like about hundred days of campaigning. Yeah, it was Joe Biden and then it was there was no question You just knew Trump was gonna win you could see it because poor old yeah, Joe didn't really seem to know where he was and so I think perhaps it was the case that because he got replaced by Kamala so quickly you just got really over excited We all just got very excited because suddenly Trump was the sort of the old guy in the room the guy that couldn't string a sentence together and
And there seemed like a time where he didn't quite know how to steer the narrative, but there were a few weeks where she was like, you know, the joyful warrior and the new hope for the country. And he was like on the back foot. But then suddenly, the assassination attempt turned everything.
Yeah, it did. It was funny because he got those... Do you remember the... I mean, it turned into t-shirts. Yes. It literally turned into perfume. You know that he's got his own perfume. Well, he's got lots of different things. You can buy onesies that are kind of Trump endorsed. You can buy lots of Christmas decorations. But he has his own perfume and it's called Fight Fight Fight. Well, I think he's missed a trick because he should have brought out... He's got aftershave from men. He should have been smarter and leaned into his brand of for women. Instead of perfume brought in a mace spray.
Yeah. Fight fight fight fight. Yeah. That's very true. It's real there. It's not very in. Yeah. That's not very on brand. Carmelis should have brought out a nice bracelet. Or he should have made space that doesn't work.
That's a horrible idea, actually. But yeah, so the assassination attempt was incredibly dramatic. And then there were photographs of him, obviously, with the kind of blood coming down his ear. But then there were also, do you remember those photographs of him in Elon Musk? Where Elon Musk was kind of just jumping in the air and offering millions of dollars to people just to join in with the exciting new idea of a president.
I need to caveat what I'm going to say by saying that up until this most recent election, I was like the biggest American file of the award. You could find like I grew up thinking I was in Little Women, like if you were to like do a scan of my brain, I was a March sister.
I was, Joe. I mean, it's such a cliche. We're all, yeah. I think like most people are cultures American and all the books are like so much for everything that we engage with is from that American point of view. So I was always like Americana loved it. And then I woke up that morning.
And I just, something had been snapped. And I just thought, maybe America's the bad guys. Maybe it's not a surprise. Maybe it's a really horrible, classist, racist country that was founded on a genocide. So maybe we shouldn't be like, oh, whoa!
I can't believe I got what the United States voted in a racist misogynist. Oh, maybe it's like, yeah, duh. Yeah, of course they did. I just can't, I feel like America is like that friend who was in a bad relationship. They broke up. You spent four years listening to them going, and then he did this to me. Can you imagine? And then he did that to me and you're like, move on. You're not with the money more. And then you get a text message thing. Guess what? Oh my God. And the certain stage you have to just
You know, yeah. See ya. Bye. Best of luck. Let me know how that works out for you. Yeah, enjoy. Enjoy. What about Carmilla? Where did she go? I mean, she was everywhere, wasn't she? She was everywhere being the joyful warrior and kind of dancing with everybody. And you know, it really kind of buoying us all up. And I think at some point, and it may be coincided with the assassination attempt where, you know, Trump sort of surged forward again, somebody said to her, you've got to calm down a bit.
You've got to cobble it down a bit. And actually come forward with some sort of serious, be serious, engage with the policy. So instead of what she kind of, she kind of was doing all these interviews where she did serious kind of thoughts on things except they sounded like motto's on tea towels. She sort of seemed to be saying things like, it takes more muscles to frown.
and it does to smile. But saying it like it was important. And all these sort of interviews just sort of nodding blankly at her. And it just didn't cut through. I mean, like you say, Miranda, she didn't have the time. She didn't have the time, really. And also she was slightly over celebrity endorsed, I feel. Like there's a whole lot of people that are just like, if Oprah likes her, I'm not interested.
I think as well, she didn't have many, like a response to like the healthcare crisis that's in America at the moment, or like living wage or stuff like that, that working house people could get like behind. It was, yeah, like just Instagram, sunset, pictures. And she kept, I mean, even when she was saying, we need to support small businesses. People need to get paid more.
Yeah. And you've literally been in government. You've quite a long time. Yeah. And what are you going to do about it? But yeah, she was kind of, you know, people were saying, well, you know, you've been in power. What did you do? Yeah. Anyway. See you. Yeah. Yeah. All that trouble learning the voice, you know. Sorry. Yeah. Back to Trump. Yeah.
Now, late November, saw the opening of Wicked, the film retelling of the musical about the relationship between Glinda the Good Witch and Elphaba. Is that how you say it? Elphaba. Elphaba. Elphaba. Elphaba. Elphaba. Elphaba. Elphaba. Elphaba. Elphaba. Elphaba. Isn't that stuff you used to replace egg whites in Elphaba?
Anyway, the Wicked Witch of the West. Glinda was played by Ariana Grande and the Wicked Witch of the West is played by Cynthia Arevo. So, Gronya, you are, unlike me, a wicked expert. Well, tell us about the film and then also tell us especially about the interviews that Ariana and Cynthia have been doing.
Okay, so Wicked, the film is based on Wicked the Musical, which was this big Broadway sensation about like 10, 15 years ago. And it's been in the works for a very long time. Now, finally, it's come to the big screen. And the only review I can give it is Hollywood has done it again.
It's so brilliant. It's about seven hours long, but it only feels like six and a half. And it's just an absolute romp. It's so good. And the best part is it's only part one. Oh, my God. We've still got part two to look forward to. But it is fabulous. It's all school. It's MGM Technicolor. It's escapism. God damn it. What do we need now? More than ever, if not escapism. And it's a lot of good. Oh, yeah.
There's a few good bangers. It looks amazing. It's all about a very complicated relationship between two strong women. It's about friendship. It's about discrimination. It's about being judged because of the colour of your skin. It's super gay. And it's a bop. OK, it's a bop. But...
The interviews have been done. Ariana and Cynthia have been doing these interviews and it doesn't come across like a bob, does it? They come across like they're nearing a nervous breakdown every time anyone talks to them. They sound like they've spent the last two years making Schindler's list.
Make a very beautiful frock, you know, enhanced shinders list. And also they're hanging onto each other. So desperately, like you feel like one of them is like digging their nails into the other's arm. I mean, maybe to keep awake because they've just been on too long a press tour. I don't know. But they look, as you say, they look like...
This is the end of the world. They're always on the edge of tears. I think it's very funny. I think the energy that they give in those interviews is you know when you go to a friend's house and you stay up all night and you tell each other secrets and then the next day you're like, you guys, you don't understand. We're going to be best friends in the life. You don't understand what we went through. It's got that energy. Hasn't it?
And I just like the intenseness of it. I like how in all the podcasts and all the interviews, they did sort of sound like, yeah, this was like the most grueling experience of their life. Yeah, I find it quite, I mean, I find it a bit weird, right? Because what very clever producer Liam said, he said, he thinks that this is the way that
kind of Hollywood interviews are gonna go, meaning that it's young woman friendly, it's quite gay friendly, it's like, we've got the emotions, we know that you, the listeners, and indeed you, the interviewer, have also got the emotion, this is a safe space, we can all have the emotions together, and that's all right, but it does make everybody just look a bit wimpy, it's like, you know, I hate to, I mean, I just feel like I sound like Margaret Thatcher.
You know, toughen up a bit, have a bit of a laugh, you know, it's like, that's off the agenda. But do you remember when they made Lord of the Rings? And when all the actors spoke about Lord of the Rings, all the male actors, they were like, it was amazing, we're tribal now, we're tribal, all that matching tattoos, like he's my brother. Yeah. So it's sort of, it's...
It's just the female version of that. It's like an extension of everybody that's ever in any play or any telly series. It's like, oh my God, you're my best friend. You're gonna be best friends forever. And like strictly, you know, I know I've found a friend for life. Well, you know, you'll have lunch next month, you know, and that'll be it.
Yeah, I'm unsure, but I do feel like tearful interviews might be the way forward. I think they're gonna be all over 2025, tearful interviews. Oh, my prediction. They'll be having, but isn't it fabulous? Just two very, two millionaires just having a nervous breakdown for our entertainment. That's not bad. No, that's okay. Not bad life. They just need a biscuit. Yeah, okay, hi.
Here on Paper Cuts, headlines are the old acquaintances that should not be forgot. And in 2024, we've had some doozies. Here are some of Jan and Granja's best headlines from the year, with a little bit of John Ellage, Natasha Devon and Alex von Tunzelman too.
Are there any good headlines out there? John, you have the star. I do have the star. So a couple of comments on the front of the star before I get on with this. Firstly, the picture of the giant five foot beaver that Photoshopped. I think they've done the Donald Trump pose. I think that's a deliberate reference. Also, great story. We're not talking about page seven. Al Pacino. I was dead. He came back. He came back. He came back. Okay. So.
Svenger and Ericsson claim this is on page 3. Svenger and Ericsson claim to you almost got ABBA to write a World Cup anthem for his England team. Right. The late Three Lions Managers had his assistant, Tord Grip. Great name, Tord Grip. Tord Grip approached the Swedish group's Benny Anderson after David Beckham led the squad into the 2002 tournament.
Even though the musician allegedly agreed to compose one, he said FA bosses snubbed the idea, because Benny wasn't English. I've got to say. Well, no, I've resfed, be fair. Anyway, the headline, Mamma Mia, here we go, here we go again.
That's very good. That's quite good. Page eight, Halloween should become a bank holiday as the spooky autumn celebration rises in popularity. Almost a third of people wanted March of an official day off, while a fifth admitted they prefer the occasion to Christmas. Almost half, 43%, said they now exchange gifts on the spooky spectacle, such as Halloween pajamas, cuddly toys, boo baskets and horror films. What's a boo, a basket?
in a study as the supermarket. As to obviously who the story has come from. Halloween is now a huge Gen Z affair. Anyway, the headline is bank Halloween. Okay, fine. That's good. Okay. That's okay. There is a picture of a very small dog wearing devil horns with the caption dress up. Colon, fun time.
Fun time. Over on page 14, Brit blokes are slipping down the Willy length league. Oh, God. The Willy length league. Just Willy length league. I wonder if that'll come into our story on Guardian sex tip, please. Just very much like to thank the producer for this one. Brit blokes have flopped from 66 to 68th in the past two years in a study of toges spanning 90 countries.
German researchers reviewed 40 studies involving thousands of fellows. They found the average excited Brits appendage measures 5.2 inches. That is nearly two inches less than men from Ecuador who have the longest in the world. But, good news, the average Brit bloke is ahead of Cambodians, the smallest and less than four inches. There you go, Brit bloke. So now we know. Anyway, the headline, little of Britain.
Oh dear. It's so nice to hear the word Todger, isn't it? We just don't hear the word Todger enough. I love that they come to Ecuador and Cambodia to measure people's Todgers.
It's just really delighted to be professionally talking about cock at 10 o'clock in the morning. Okay, last from me. T-drinkers are committing crimes against the classic cuppa, including making it with fizzy water. Jesus. What? I don't even like tea, but I can't do that. A baffling 54% told a survey it was absolutely fine to use carbonated H2O for a brew. Great second mention from the star there.
Exactly half, things are acceptable to make tea in the microwave, while 53% like using tea bags more than once.
The headline, that's Tea Potty. Yeah, that is Tea Potty. Tea Potty, yes. Okay, Jan, you've got the sun. I've got the sun. Page three of the sun, there's a story about Oasis. Noel and Liam Gallagher's master plan to cash in on their Oasis reunion. Surely Oasis reunion is the plan to cash in on the Oasis reunion. Yes, but they've got lots. And I mean lots of interesting ideas for their merchandise, including fly swatters and
ironing boards. This is just not true and the headliners swats the story morning glory. Some might spray.
Listen, in the corner here, they've got a little ironing board with Nolan Liam's face is on. And it's got other suggests, I think, I don't know if these are real or if it's what the star is, the sun is suggesting, but it's fly swatters, clothes pegs, ironing board covers, dental floss, mosquito nets, Christmas garlands and reeds, moisturizers, briefcases, deodorants and car washing mitts. Brief cases.
So, we're on page four, where we have high-spirited bunch in Italy, who won a prize of 16,000 euros with a 10-tier tower of ropes, a 10-tier tower of men. They all climbed up 10 tiers of them. And the headline is lean in tower of geezers. I guessed that before you said it. I was like, I got it, I've got it.
That's good. You must be good at crosswords as well. The next one, it's apparently a new era for Rita Ora. She's parted ways with longtime manager Sarah Stenet. But far from resting on her laurels, she's set to bounce back with a job hosting the MTV Europe Music Awards next month at Manchester's Co-op Live Arena. Just like they take away from the glamour of a showbiz event when he's at the Co-op Arena.
I always think. But anyway, Rita's going to the co-op arena in Manchester to present these awards, and the headline is, Ayup Rita.
which is a sort of coronation street reference, I believe. And my final one, you'll be pleased to hear, is Scott Chris Ormiston beat 29 rivals to win the world porridge-making championships at Carbridge in the Highlands. Well done. Do you know what this is one? This is not, it's Oat Cuisine King.
Oat cuisine, you see, it's porridge. So yeah, fabulous. There you go. So, let's do today's headlines. What do you have for us, Natasha?
In The Sun, there is a story about Madonna growing close to a young British boxer. He's not that young, he's 34. Oh yeah, that is fine. He's a consenting adult. Named Richard, but nicknamed the Midnight Train. And has modeled for Burberry. And the headline is, justify my glove.
Oh, that's frickin' nice! Oh my gosh, this has got a nice picture of his boxing gloves to make sure you get that, you get that pun. I'm here for it, I am here for it. Then, on page 22, there is a story about Brummies and people who live in the West Midlands are likely to be the biggest Star Wars fans in the whole of the UK. Right. And the headline is, May the Force be with Yao.
There's also a story about the British Library being plagued by Randy Booklovers romping in Luz. Are they Booklovers if that's what they're there to do? I mean, I blame Bridgerton. They're headlining. No sex, please. It's the British Library. I spent quite a lot of time in the British Library and those Luz are not very private. That is not a good place. Also, they're not nice. People are gross. People get me passionate about literature and be like, oh God, I need a release.
And then finally, on page 25 of The Sun, you know when you see a cat, you are taught from quite a young age to go sp, sp, sp, sp, sp, apparently, according to cat experts, they haven't said boffins because it's not the star. But according to cat experts, that's like swearing at them. And you shouldn't do that. No. Headline, just push off. What was your favorite line?
Couple of guys, yay, nailed it, that's great. I've grown ya, what have you got for us? Well, so the daily story. Couple who ran a spooky museum before splitting up or fighting over possessed dolls and ghost hunting gear. Headline is, ghost bust up. Oh yeah, okay, okay. What is that, ghost busters? You're not all right. Yeah, I was pushed up. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, sorry. Let it works.
Also in the Daily Star, the story of Clarissa the Carp is set to fetch a whopping £40,000 at auction, 72 years after being caught in Hertfordshire. The headline is, real deal. Yeah, fish funds. Because this is an oral medium, it's real R-E-E-L, real deal. Very, very good.
Now, despite Trump, despite Ariana and Cynthia's nervous breakdown, there have been some fun parts of 2024, and we would like to highlight them. What have been your favourite bits? Jan, what have you enjoyed?
Well, I cannot tell a lie, and I know that everybody might not agree with me, but I have enjoyed the fact that Liz Truss will not shut up. And, you know, in April, she brought out her book, Ten Years to Save the West, which is, you know, the most hubristic title you can ever imagine in the entire world, you know, and it's the subtitle is, you know, written by the only conservative in the room.
And it's full of her homilies and ways that we need to adopt all her fabulous policies, which, as we know, was such a success, in order to save the West. But she just won't stop popping up. And there she is at the election. I support Trump. And in fact, she was on a speaking tour. It was a very high-level speaking tour. She was actually in Beckles Church Hall in supper.
Talking to some bloke that looked like he was a character in The Archers, and she was giving her pro-Trump policies, and all of a sudden, this banner very slowly unfurled behind her, with the letters on it. It's so funny. With sort of googly eyes, and she just turned round and went, that's not funny. We beg to differ, Liz.
And she walked off to this kind of embarrassing smattering of applause that never really takes off. Yeah, she's always pretty good value. And it's quite like the fact that her book, that she brought it almost on self-publishing, wasn't it? It was a very low-key publisher. And this is a fact, because I learned it very recently, our own John Ellidge.
has outsold this year with this book which is just brilliant it is despite her diligently trucking around the church halls of the UK and actually going to appear quite a lot in the US guys I support female writers yeah do you know like yeah I'm sorry you obviously are rooting for the boys but you know I'm sorry did you buy 10
They love them. They were great. Oh, my God. And then she turns up at this. I don't know if this seems to have sort of been forgotten, but the another kind of right wing faction launched this supposed con.
Popcorn, they had a sort of a meeting and Farage was kind of lurking in the background. Jacob Rees-Mogg was there and Liz was their star speaker and she turned up in a rather unpleasant beige jacket and sort of told everybody that, you know, nobody's right winging up. She's so mad. Yeah. And I don't know what happened to that, actually. It seemed to go by the way. Well, Holly Valance was involved. And her husband, Nick Candy, has decided that he's going to give loads and loads of money to Farage. Yes, he's joined reform, hasn't he? Yeah.
I just think you guys are just jealous. Well, we're mean, aren't we? We're just mean girls. Just, you know, just Liz. You mean spirited. She's following her dream. She's, in many ways, Joe March. She is Joe March. She's got a little book out. Yeah, she is. And she's peddling her little, she's, you know, that's what she's putting her dream diary. And I think she's right. She is the only conservative in the room. There's quite a lot of times she is on her own. She's written down her intentions in a Hello Kitty, no.
So the bit that I liked of this year was, so the first part of the year was slightly dominated by Taylor Swift, who I know that lots of people like and I did go and see and it was fine, it was lovely. But then after a while, despite all her efforts, like she kept bringing, do you remember she kept bringing out extra versions of her album just to keep people from going to number one. Despite that, Billie Eilish, Charlie Exley ex Sabrina Carpenter and Chapel Road just kind of came in.
like the cool girls towards the end, and they won. Despite what all the columnists, Spotify rats said, they definitely won, because they look like people that you could dress up at Halloween, and Taylor obviously doesn't. So that's what I was really pleased by, but the fact that the cool girls came back. Yeah, it's so good. And the fact that Taylor served, she had the eras tour, and she brought it in an album, and people have just completely named the album.
Yeah. It's just the really long one. Yeah. Everyone's forgotten it because Charlie XCX just brought out brat and they're like, okay, fine. All right, there's nothing we can do about it. Brat is the one. It seems like Taylor Swift songs, you know, it's like, it's always this kind of thing, you know, I broke up with somebody and it wasn't my fault.
I don't know the lyrics in detail of, you know, Chappell Rohn and Charlie XC expert. I mean, hopefully they're lyrics. They're a bit more kind of... Well, they're kind of about sex and taking coke. It's a bit more fun. And every Taylor Swift's always, staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato staccato st
So the only moment this year that gave me hope that maybe calm exists and we do live in a world with some sort of sense of justice was just in Timberlake being pulled over for drink driving. That's an excellent highlight of the year. It's just like we live in a world where men can do whatever they want and they have no consequences whatsoever. And the fact that Justin Timberlake with his
seeding hairline. And his sad little puffy face was, you know, thought he would just like carry on his perfect little life. And then this cop said not today, Justin. But also that he didn't even say not just because he didn't know who he was.
He just rested him, though he's just this guy. And I just think of everything that Justin Timberlake did, you know, the least of being, you know, ruined Britney Spears' life, you know, had a whole career in the North, he's slagging her off, destroyed Janet Jackson's career, and like really impacted her legacy, and then still was everybody's favorite jumping up and down guy, and the fact that he finally, finally faced consequences for his actions. It's only drunk driving though.
You have a very detailed working knowledge of Justin Timberlake. I wonder if you know what were the consequences. What happened? What happened? I think it's still ongoing. Maybe I'm wrong. I think maybe I can't remember. To be honest, it was more... It just got corny. But then he just got corny, so I like how people have...
sort of turned against him and that he's sort of facing consequences for what he did to get where he is today. And how he's just so irrelevant. He's so irrelevant. And I do think there's such... He's still got a couple of good hits. It's like small comfort in a world where Donald Trump is kind of writing off all his kind of transgressions.
Listen, we have to grab what we got. You know what we do, it's true. And you also, Gronya, you asked me to say the word, and I will say this word to you, and the word is challenges. Oh my gosh. We forgot, challenges came out this year. Have you guys seen challenges? No, so tell everybody that hasn't seen challenges. What is challenges? It is the horniest film of the year. Oh my gosh. It's so good. I'm not a tennis person, but finally I was like, I think I get tennis. It's
Oh my god, it's Joshua Connor, it's Zendaya, and it's the little lad from West Side Story. But we can just ignore it. But Joshua Connor and Zendaya, they are hot. Oh my god, it's just, so they all play tennis, but basically they all fancy each other. They all fancy each other. And it's the scene where Joshua Connor and the little boy from West Side Story eat churros, and it is,
It's what cinema was made for. It's like the scene in Tom Jones, that Henry Fielding thing where they do have that, they all, they all buy them too old, but there's old Albert Finney filming over there. Oh, eating. It's just treat yourself. It is such a brilliant film. It's like nothing. It's so modern. It's so fresh. Joshua Connor, he could ruin my life. Really? My life.
And he played Prince Charles, which is very confusing. I know, I'm finding it more to kind of, you know, to move on from that, actually. Especially Paul for us, sexy. Especially Paul for us. Now, actually, from Jason, this is very weird in colonial. It's adds a whole other darker subject to it all, my lord. But it's really, really good. And yeah, it's like, tennis is very much like the C plot line, so you don't have to worry about that.
And that's okay, we don't have to worry about their scores. Is it genuinely good or are you enjoying it? No, no, no, no. It's a catch way. No, it's not kitsch at all. It is. It's so good. I like how about it. I keep saying it, it is so horny. Okay, horny, horny, horny. They're all like a lot of like stairs where you're like, what's happening? So many scenes have seen of Joshua Connor, little West Side Story Boy in a sauna and you're just like, what's going on? How is this allowed? I'm still like, ah!
The tension. It's so hot, isn't she? Oh my god. Also, I saw some clips of her yesterday, where the thing was saying, don't try and hold her hand, don't try and take her arm. Because when you're going up to get an award or up the steps to get into an event or whatever, the bloke with her tries to take her arm and take, and she said,
Slaps them down every time it's like, I can walk on my own, you prat. And this is why we love her.
And that's the end of today's Paper Cuts. Thanks to Jan. Thank you. And thanks to Granja. I agree with you both. I've been Miranda Sawyer and you've been listening to Paper Cuts on a day when we celebrate the 100 year anniversary of the first ever Winter Olympic Games. And actually to celebrate me, Jan, Granja and producer Jade are going from some casual but long distance speed tobogganing. Yes. Yes. Right now.
See you next year! Paper Cuts is written and presented by me, Miranda Sawyer, with Jan Ravens and Granny Maguire, audio production by Jade Bailey, music by Simon Williams, production by Liam Tate, designed by James Parrott. The managing editor is Jacob Jarvis, the executive producer is Martin Boytosh and the group editor is Andrew Harrison. Paper Cuts is a podmaster's production.
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