WWDTM: Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller

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From NPR and WBEZChicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. The NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows, making the best of a weather delay at O'Hare by filling in for Bill Curtis. And here's her hosts at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois. Peter Sago. Thank you, everybody.

Thank you so much. Later on, we're going to be talking to Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller, the stars of the HBO show Somebody Somewhere. But first, I've got to say what a thrill it is to be standing right next to legendary comedian and actor Tim Meadows. It's such a thrill to have you. So, you know. Thank you. Big thrill for me, Tim. How does it feel for you to take on this job? I've got to say, after years of working next to some of the absolute greats, it's really exciting to try something different.

If you'd like to enjoy your debut on our show, just give us a call. The number is 1-888-weight-weight. That's 1-888-9248-924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on-weight-weight. Don't tell me.

Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Daniel. Hey, Daniel, what are you calling from? I'm calling from Austin, Texas. Austin, Texas. We were just talking, ironically, a moment ago before the show about Austin, Texas, which a place many of us have been and all of us love. And I actually have a question for you that came up. Have great fact you've been able to keep Austin weird.

I guess. You guess? He doesn't sound very convinced. Yeah, I don't know, man. That's how I feel about it. Well, well, that was a weird answer. Yeah, I guess so. Well, Daniel, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, you can see him at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas on December 21st and 22nd, and then at the La Jolla Comedy Store on December 27th through the 29th. It's Maz Jobrani. Hey.

I love you. How are you? Next, a comedian you can see New Year's Eve at the Burlington Comedy Store in Burlington, Vermont. It's Joy L. Nicole Johnson. Hey, Danny Boy, how you doing? Hi. And a comedian who has a new Netflix special called Home Free. It's Tom Papa.

Hello. Hello. So welcome to the show, Daniel. You are going to play the very first edition ever of Who's Tim this time? Tim Meadows filling in for Bill Curtis. It's going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose on your voicemail. You ready to go? Absolutely. OK. Here is your first quote.

If you can spill it, spread it, pump it, or pour it, it should go in a check bag. That was advice from the TSA for all the people who'll be traveling next week with food for what? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving, that's right. The TSA expects this to be the busiest Thanksgiving travel period on record, as millions of Americans will journey back home looking for someone to fight with.

And the general rule is, as you heard Tim say, solids can go in your carry-on onto the plane. Liquids have to be checked in luggage. This is for safety. When this soup in your checked bag leaks, it can help put up the fire when the lithium battery in there explodes.

Are you guys going to be traveling? No. Absolutely not. No, I mean, is it the point to go to someone's house and they've made it and or bring something from the same city or state? Who's flying with gravy? Who's doing this? It is weird. It is a little strange to be flying to Thanksgiving dinner with food. I mean, like, first of all, why are you flying anywhere if you also have to cook? My rule is if I'm putting on an apron, you're getting on a plane, right?

It is tricky because you get caught in these traditions. You have to go to the same place year after year. And sometimes they don't make great gravy or other things. So you got to come up with sneaky ways to get yours in there. That's a ziplock bag in your pocket full of gravy. Good way to do it.

That sounds like the uncle who sneaks in some alcohol, a little flask. You got a flask of gravy? What's he doing? Yeah, I get a little ziploc thing of gravy. I'm like, don't tell your mother. Yeah. Yeah. And everyone in my family knows I do not cook, so they say you bring the alcohol, baby. Yeah. My family is mixed. I'm Iranian. My wife's Indian. So we have Persian food, and we have Indian food. Right. And nobody touches the turkey.

Do you actually have a turkey getting all that? There's a turkey there. You walk by. He goes gobble, gobble. We're like, screw you. We got food, man. We got 2,000 years of cuisine. I was about to say the turkey's still alive, but if you're not going to eat them, why not? Let them live. It's also, I should say, because of these rules, it's a great time to be a smuggler because if they find drugs in your body cavity search, you can just say it's stuffing. It's cartel stuffing. Yeah.

All right, Daniel, here is your next quote. It is from Rolling Stone. There's been a dev Patel contest in San Francisco. A Jack Schlossberg meet up in Central Park. A Paul Mescal hang out in Dublin. A Harry Styles party in London. So Rolling Stone was talking about this latest popular contest craze that's spreading around the world. What kind of contest specifically?

Sounds like lookalikes. Exactly right, lookalike contests. The hottest new pastime, the celebrity lookalike contests. So recently we had a Timothy Shalomay lookalike contest in New York, a Jeremy Allen white contest in Chicago. People are just flocking to these things. Is it surprising? I don't know. People come running when they heard there's a park where a bunch of guys would look like Glenn Powell are hanging out.

So this all happens, all started just a month ago when some guy for just joke, I guess, threw a Timothy Chalamet contest, broad daylight, Washington Square Park, New York City, and a lot of people showed up who looked a lot like Timothy Chalamet, and Timothy Chalamet showed up.

Which was pretty cool, and that made in the news, that led to Jeremy Allen White contests here in Chicago and New York, and ones for Dev Patel and Harry Styles in London, as you heard. But all those fans were disappointed, because just Timothy Chalamet showed up for those too.

So Timothy famously grew up in the health kitchen building in New York. So I was there last year for a dinner, and I'm coming out. My friend was like, Timothy, shout on my group in this building. And I was like, isn't it Timitay? And I get out the elevator. I'm like shouting, Timitay, Timitay. And then he walked past me. What?

And he, like, pulled down his hat because just some crazy woman is shouting his name in the lobby. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Did you shout it three times? Because that can conjure him. It did. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait

True. No sir, I'm sorry. You don't look like Jeremy Allen White from The Bear. You just smoke cigarettes and your t-shirt is too small. This is very generational though, you know? Like older celebrities, this isn't gonna happen.

Old people don't want to come out even if they look exactly like Jack Klugman. They're not coming here Daniel is your last quote California King not big enough for you meet the Alaska King that was a headline of the Washington Post about the new trend of people wanting bigger and bigger what? Beds yes beds very good

The Alaska King mattresses are really something at nine feet by nine feet. They're great for anyone who loves losing their wife. The bed is equivalent of, quote, two full-size beds jammed together, then you add 28 inches of length.

It's fun in a way that you could discover your spouse is cheating on you while you're in the same bed. You catch them and they feel terrible and they're like, oh sorry, we didn't think you could see us with the curvature of the earth.

We've gotten way too far. It's so gross. My grandparents slept in a one full-size bed. It was just a little bit larger than a twin. And these were not small people. No. And they slept in that bed for 50 years together every single night. And let me be clear. They hated each other. And their grandparents slept in a drawer together.

Yeah, and they despised each other. Is it possible, Tom, that the reason they hated each other was because they had to fight for space in a tiny bed together? Maybe, maybe, if you get one of these Alaska kings, you don't see your spouse for so long, you begin to miss them. I lose my airpods on my bed five times a week. The idea of getting a bigger bed, unless they increase the size of the airpods, I'm not getting them.

Alaska King AirPods. Yeah. Tim, how did Daniel do in our quiz? Wow, I'm keeping score and announcing. That's a lot of work. Okay. But Daniel, Daniel did really well. He got all three questions correct. There you go. Congratulations, Daniel. Thanks for calling. Thank you. Take care.

Right now, panel time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Tom, a man was stopped from boarding a flight in Lima, Peru last week when it was discovered that it's not that he had a pot belly, he had what? A belly filled with pot. No, not filled with pot. Oh, he had a baby there. Not quite a baby. He wasn't kidding when he said he had a stomach bug. Ew. Oh, geez. A bunch of diarrhea?

What? I said stomach bug. And I said diarrhea. I know. Bed bugs? I'll give it to you. Insects. Hundreds of tarantulas, centipedes, and bullet ants. What? Where? What flight?

Airport security were suspicious of a man with a quote extraordinarily swollen belly so they give him a pat down and discovered he had bags of four hundred and fifty insects taped to his abdomen. That's so gross. It's so gross that I was more comfortable with my first answer of diarrhea. When they sort of got everything out of the bags and examined it, he had 320 endangered tarantulas, 110 rare centipedes, and nine bullet ants.

Bullet hands. So let me get this straight just because I'm flying tomorrow. No, tarantulas, bullet ants, or gravy. Right. I like bugs with 16 legs and bugs with lots of eyes. I like spiders that crawl on the floor and eats up all the flies.

Coming up, we grant your special requests in our beloved listener game, call 1-888-Wait-Wait to Play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait-Wait-Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR. I'm Jesse Thorn. On Bullseye, Connie Chung, the legend of TV news, tells us about her incredible career and marvels at the convenience of standing desks. They have these desks here in New York that move up and down. That's on the next Bullseye from MaximumFun.org and NPR.

Every weekday, NPR's best political reporters come to you on the NPR Politics Podcast to explain the big news coming out of Washington, the campaign trail, and beyond. We don't just want to tell you what happened, we tell you why it matters. Join the NPR Politics Podcast every single afternoon to understand the world through political eyes. You care about what's happening in the world.

Let's state of the world from NPR keep you informed. Each day we transport you to a different point on the globe and introduce you to the people living world events. We don't just tell you world news, we take you there and you can make this journey while you're doing the dishes or driving your car. State of the world podcast from NPR. Vital international stories every day.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. The NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows. We're playing this week with Joelle Nicole Johnson, Tom Papa, and Maz Jabrani. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago. Thank you, Tim.

Right now it's time for the Weight Weight Don't Tell Me Bluff the listener game, call 1-888-weight-weight to play our game in the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at Weight Weight NPR. Hi, you're on Weight Weight Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Camille from Baltimore, Maryland. Hey, how are things in Baltimore, the Queens City, I love it there.

Things are great in Baltimore. Yeah, that's good. What do you do there? I love to go see concerts. I like to cook and be anywhere near or on the water. And you can do that. There being a lot of water available in Baltimore. Exactly. Well, welcome to the show, Camille. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Tim, what is Camille's topic?

No Brown M&Ms. So we all love hearing about those fun tour writers, whether it's Van Halen's No Brown M&Ms or Tim Meadows, Peter Siegel do not look me in the eye.

This week, we heard about a VIP who made a very unusual demand. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one and you'll win the wait-water if you're choice and you're fully smelly. Ready to play? I'm so ready. Okay, well, so are we. First, let's hear from Tom Papa.

While some may think that the demands of rock stars can be extravagant, a famous Italian opera singer may put them all to shame. The legendary alto Josephine Gileo credits her longevity to creating a tropical backstage environment that keeps her voice in shape and theater staff pulling out their hair.

The dressing rooms must be kept at 85% humidity, generated by plants, misting machines, and 12 heavy breathing howler monkeys from the Peruvian rainforest.

Two hours before showtime, anyone over five feet, two inches tall, has to leave the backstage area so as not to directly inhale any of Josephine's perfect air. The monkeys, who average three feet in height, are welcome to stay. Finally, after her vocal warm-ups in this perfectly tropical air, Josephine's private chef caps things off by serving her red wine and meatballs, because after all, she is an Italian diva.

An Italian diva in her contract demands a tropical environment, complete with monkeys backstage. Your next story of ridiculous requests comes from Joyelle Nicole Johnson. Most couples bond over things they adore, but Ama Rachman and Melody Murchit bonded over unadulterated hate. It was their second date that one of Forbes, Pakistan's richest couples discovered they hated other people's mouths.

He asked me out to a restaurant and I confessed my disgust. Thinking the relationship would be over then and there, Merchant was amazed to find that her new bow shared the same idiosyncrasie. Anything mouth-based is off the table, which is a lot more stuff than you think.

So they do what any other rich couple would do. They throw money at the problem. They've hired a bodyguard whose sole job it is to get all mouths away from them. Whenever they go out, all mouths must stay closed. While they both know this behavior is ridiculous when asked if they would ever seek therapy, merch and bluntly stated, why? I have money, my man, and a bodyguard. When you have those things, you do what you want. A very wealthy couple.

It insists that they never see the mouths of anyone ever around them. Your last story of a peculiar plea comes from Maz at Joe Broni. Slipping on a banana peel might be funny to you, but to Sweden's gender equality minister, Paulina Brandberg, it is terrifying. Why? Because she is afraid of bananas. In fact, she is so afraid that her staff has to, quote, banana proof any areas she might be present in so that she doesn't have to face her bonanophobia.

Who knows what causes this banana phobia and minister Paulina? Now I don't want to make any assumptions but maybe as a child she had a pet monkey and that monkey's name was Bjorn who doesn't go hoo hoo hoo but has a Swedish accent goes hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo

And maybe the monkey went bananas. Seriously, it's a medical term for when monkeys eat too many bananas. And maybe to this day, whenever Paulina sees a banana, it reminds her of baby Bjorn. And the feeling she gets can best be summarized by the 80s pop band Banana Rama. It's a cruel, cruel summer. Leaving me here on my own. It's a cruel, cruel summer. Now you're gone. You're not the only one.

All right. So this week, we heard about someone who has an odd demand for pretty much when they leave the house. Was it from Tom Papa, an opera singer, an Italian one who demands an absolutely tropical jungle-like environment in her dressing room to preserve her voice from Joy L. Nicole Johnson, a wealthy couple from Pakistan, who insists that whenever they go out, no one ever

display their oral cavity, or from Maz Jobrani, a Swedish government minister who was so terrified of bananas that her own staff has to make sure that none will appear wherever she goes. Which of these is the real story of an unusual condition? I'm going to go with the Prime Minister Afraid of Bananas. I'm going to go with the Swedish Minister Afraid of Bananas. That was from Maz Jobrani.

Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to an expert on this area. What's probably happened is that this person had a banana, sore banana, ate banana during some negative experience. That was Professor Mark Sheffield, a neurobiologist at the University of Chicago, talking about the possible origins of the banana phobia suffered by the Norwegian minister. Congratulations, you got it right.

Thank you. You picked Maz's story. He was telling the truth. That means he gets a point, but more to the point, you win our prize. The voice of anyone you might choose. Thank you very much. Thank you. Take care.

And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things that's called not my job. HBO's Somebody Somewhere is not like their other shows. There are no dragons or gangsters or billionaires, just a bunch of normal people trying to get by in Manhattan, Kansas. And it's become immensely popular because won't it be so cool when a dragon finally does show up? The two stars of the show, Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller join us now. Bridget and Jeff, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you. So let's start here. I just started watching the show and I devoured a season or so and I've been trying to explain what it is and why it's so popular. Well, I mean, it's not getting those House of Dragons. I know, it's like so popular.

I don't know. It's a slice of life. It's about friendship. It's about making each other, lifting each other up. And we're not afraid of a fart joke. I don't know. Our show is all fart jokes. Really? I know. You and I have the same formula. Bridget, since you are from Manhattan, Kansas, and it is a show set in Manhattan, Kansas about a woman from Manhattan, Kansas, I'm assuming that everything we see in the show actually happened, right?

Oh yeah, pretty much. Give me a take. Wait, I was gonna, I can't, I can't talk like this. I was gonna say something naughty. I'm gonna leave. And Jeff, I'm told that your character that you play is awfully close to your real life experience. Is that the case? Yeah, we both love Vitamixes and we're both, you know, middle-aged homosexuals with asymmetrical faces. So. That's true.

It was meant to be, Peter. It was meant to be. Right, right, right. And I know, Bridget, there are a lot of your friends from the New York scene in the show, including your own dog. Yeah, that's right. In season three, there's a dog. She's a beautiful pomeranian. He plays a rescue dog, and she's actually a rescue in real life. Thank you so much. You are an angel. What's that? Is she there with you now in your home? Where we find you?

Yeah, she's gave her a little sleeping assistance in the other room. I understand.

She wouldn't bother. Perhaps a big bottle of Chardonnay. What's right? Was this whole show just a plot to get your dog into the union? It occurs to me, Bridget, that I don't know of any other major piece of entertainment sent in Manhattan, Kansas. So you must be like a queen there, because you have done form in Manhattan, Kansas, what's a game of thrones did for King's Landing. You put it on the mat. What's right?

You know, they actually did a Bridget Ever Day for me a couple years ago. So if anybody ever wants to go to midnight in Kansas, I think it's March 5th every year. They make a little Bridget Ever Donut and Bridget Ever Beer. Wait a minute. It's not just, wait a minute. Hold on. I mean, it's not just like they had a day for you when you showed up. There is an actual day on the calendar every year. The kids get off school. What are you doing for Bridget Ever Day? Is it? That's right. As a great LL Cool J says, dreams don't have deadlines. So that's amazing.

So this is the third and last season of Somebody Somewhere, which is sad, but I think four episodes are out now. I didn't want to ask you this, though, because the characters you play are broadly similar to you. They have similar styles, maybe in similar backgrounds. Would you both love to play someone next or soon who is nothing like you? And if so, what kind of character would that be?

I'm waiting for the train wreck spin-off for me and Tim Meadows to do like some sort of warm calm. Like it's a little freaky at the talk-up bar. How about you, Jeff? Do you have any idea like if you said, oh my God, somebody somewhere, what a huge hit. You can write, try and take it. You can play anything you want. What do you want to do?

Well, I've been playing a lot of serial killers lately. And that's nice to be someone who you know. Exactly. I thought for a second you were kidding, but are you not kidding? Have you been playing a lot of serial killers? I have been playing a lot.

Imagine that's kind of a mixed blessing because you get steady work, right serial killers always popular, but at the same time What is it about you you think that makes them think hmm serial killer psychopath sex criminal? Yeah, I just got a face for murder

You give me precious back, you give me precious. All of a sudden, I have a premonition of what the big surprise climax of somebody somewhere is going to be. Well, Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller, this is really fun.

have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling nobody nowhere. So obviously since we show is called somebody, somewhere we thought we'd ask you about nobody nowhere. That is three questions about places where it's hard to find anybody. Tim who are Bridget and Jeff playing for? Jack Powers of Las Vegas, Nevada. OK.

Come on, you guys, as we do this, you're allowed to argue, you're allowed to team up, you're allowed to play this however you want. Here we go, here's your first question. The loneliest and most desolate place on earth is Antarctica, an entire continent whose population never exceeds about 5,000 people. Despite that, one scientist who was there in December of 2013 managed to do what?

A, convince the band Coldplay to come there and do a show. Naturally. B, match with someone on Tinder. Or C, organize the first ever Freezing Man Festival. I think it's C. I do too. I think it's C. Wait a minute. So you're staying freezing. Freezing Man Festival.

Who? The audience is objective. The audience is objective. Wow. I was going to pull the trigger, but the audience is shouting, no, no, no. Audience, what do you think it is? They always know. They think it's B. They think it's B. OK, let's do B then. We got to do a predict. They always know. They always know. OK, let's go B. They don't always know, but they did this time.

A scientist was sitting there, and he was like, what the hell? And he turned on Tinder, and he swiped right on this woman who was camping on the ice about 45 minutes away by helicopter. And they didn't meet up, but they say nothing came of it that time. So as far as we know, the first Tinder hookup has not happened yet on Antarctica. What a pit's ending to a great storm. I'm so sorry.

All right, here's your next question. Now, the loneliest place that anybody has ever been that we know of is the moon, only 12 people have ever visited the moon. Now, the first astronaut to do it after Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin was Pete Conrad. What were Pete Conrad's first words after stepping off the lunar lander onto the surface of the moon? Was it A, one small step for A man, one giant step for mankind, suck at Neil.

B, so we're going to get a drink around here that's not recycled urine. Or C, whoopee. You're messing with this, right? Right.

This guy sounds like a kind of man, but one of them is real. Well, he said one of those things as he stepped in the wild. I love him. I love like TT. I think it's a TT. He drinks a TT, the TT one. The TT one? I don't know. I feel like it's whoopee. It's definitely not the first one because people don't say suck it in the 70s stuff.

So you're going to go with two different answers. Bridget, you're going to take the recycled urine and Jeff whoopee. Yeah, we're diverging in two different woods. Jeff is the winner. Jeff is correct. All right. Jeff is already one. He got two right. Let's see if Bridget can catch up. Your last question.

In 1993, I was Arizona State. Give me a break. I went to Texas Lutheran College. I think we're on the same train. In a famous incident in 1993, a French man's car broke down far out in the Moroccan desert.

And he was so far out, there was no way for him to get back. So to save his own life, he stripped down the car and he built a motorcycle from the parts and drove it back to civilization. And when he got there, what happened? A, his wife said, oh, were you gone? B, he was ticketed for riding an illegal vehicle, or C, at the celebration of his miraculous return. He died when a popped champagne cork punctured his head.

Oh, if it's not sweet, it's good. It's gotta be sweet. I can't die from that. That's a fun answer. That's a fun answer. Come on, you gotta do better. You can die from that, and I'm willing to give it a shot. All right, Bridger wants to go with he died, ironically, from the popped champagne cork. What do you think, Jeff? I think it's the ticket. You think he got a ticket? I think it's the ticket. Once again, Jeff is correct. Wow.

So Tim, how did Bridget and Jeff do on our quiz? Jeff got all three questions correct. Yeah. It's a record. It's a record. It's never happened before. Bridget Everett and Jeff Hiller are stars of somebody somewhere in HBO and Mac. Season three is out now. Catch it. It is remarkable and heartwarming and funny. And every now and then Bridget says something very dirty. Bridget and Jeff, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

In just a minute, a wine that could make a sommelier rethink every single one of their life choices. You care about what's happening in the world.

Let's state of the world from NPR keep you informed. Each day we transport you to a different point on the globe and introduce you to the people living world events. We don't just tell you world news, we take you there and you can make this journey while you're doing the dishes or driving your car. State of the world podcast from NPR. Vital international stories every day.

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From NPR and WBEZChicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. The NPR News Quiz. I'm Tim Meadows, filling in for Bill Curtis. Thank you. We're playing this week with Tom Papa, Maas Gibrani, and Joelle Nicole Johnson.

And here again is your host at the Scuba Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Peter Segal. Yes, thank you. Tim, thanks everybody. Just a minute, Tim Meadows brings you our first-ever listener, Timerick Challenge.

If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-888-9248-924. But right now, panel some more questions for you from the week's news. Tom, this week, a high tribunal in Britain ruled that calling someone what is a form of a legal harassment? Calling someone an American? No. That may be coming. Can I have a hint? Sure. Finally, some male pattern justice.

Oh, calling a ball? Yes! Finally! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! No, I'm not.

So yes, according to a court in Great Britain, bald is now a formal offense, a man named Tony Finn, a longtime employee of the British Bung Company sued after his supervisor called him a, quote, stupid bald seaward.

And to be clear, being called a C-word, he's fine with it. Totally fine. But bald was going too far. He sued. And this week, a high tribunal ruled that using bald as an insult is sexual harassment because

only men tend to be bald. So again, all this is true. All three members of the tribunal that made this ruling were themselves bald. Oh, they stacked the court. Why do you think they all wear those wigs? What if they flip it, though, and you have to start wearing a brazier on your head and cover it up? If this is a big sexual problem,

I don't want you flaunting it around the office. Wrap that thing up. If you take up your hat, you're like, you're flashing me. You're like, officer, my eyes are down here. Moms, last week, a group of fishermen working in their boat off the coast of Norway must have celebrated when they caught what in their net.

They celebrated when they caught, was it something valuable? It was very valuable and very large. Gold? No. Give me a hand. According to the fishing regulations, they got to keep it, but they have to throw the missiles back because they're over the allowed side.

Oh gosh, it was a nuclear thing? Like a nuclear submarine? A nuclear submarine, yes. Specifically, they caught the USS Virginia, a 19,000-ton nuclear-powered attack submarine armed with cruise missiles. Although, of course, when they got back, the fishermen said it was really a 50,000-ton sub armed with ICBMs.

The small fishing boat, right, lowered their net looking for one more haul before heading back into port, and all of a sudden they found themselves being towed very fast out to sea, right? Well, down on the submarine, they were all asking each other, have we been down here too long? Or am I really hearing the distant sounds of screaming in Norwegian? You know your military is not good when a net catches you. That's right.

Hold on, Captain, there's a worm on our hook over there. Let's go investigate. From now on, all the submarines in this ex fleet are going to be equipped with scissors.

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait if that's 1-888-9248-924. You can also see us most weeks at the Studebaker Theatre right here in Chicago, Illinois. They love it, you will too.

And come see us on the road at Carnegie Hall in New York City on December 12th, tickets at NPR Presents.org. Also check out our sister podcast, How to Do Everything This Week, How to Handle It, If Your Cousin Comes to Thanksgiving, Dressed as a Furry. Hi, everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi. This is Kristen calling from Virginia Beach, Virginia. Virginia Beach, Virginia. I've been there. It's in Virginia. What do you do there? Well, I'm a hairstylist, and I am an all-star cheerleading coach. You're an all-star cheerleading coach. You want to let us know that you are a very good one.

Well, my kids are very good. Of course. I have noticed in my very limited exposure to cheerleading that it's gotten really athletic. Incredibly athletic. Does it ever get dangerous? Do you ever worry for your kids? Oh, all the time. But I'm a good coach, so they're pretty safe. We have established that, OK?

Well, welcome to the show, Kristen. Tim Meadows, filling in for Bill Curtis, is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to go? I am. Here is your first limerick. To Pizza Hut's wine, I won't say no. It's from fruits of a vine stock that they grow. Like basil notes chaste, a cross-forward taste in wine that is made from

No? I don't know. Neither does anyone at this particular juncture. So Tim, why don't we do that again? OK. Here we go. I'm not a limerick. Never in Detroit has limericks ever been taught or read. And I'm willing to allow someone who's better. Like if you have an Irish person in the room, they won't stop.

I'm off for you. Okay, here we go. To Pizza Hut's wine, I won't say no. It's from fruits of a vine stock that they grow like basil notes chased a crust forward taste in wine that is made from... Hesto? I truly don't know. That's not an unreasonable guess. They grow... Tomatoes. Tomatoes, yes.

Pizza Hut is now selling tomato wine, a wine made from tomatoes infused with basil that is supposed to taste like pizza. It is a wine that experts describe as technically non-toxic. How is it different from a Bloody Mary? Good point. It's not as good. Yeah, I think about to say, yeah. All right, here's your next limerick. All right, hold your heads. Here we go.

Listen closely as the brother reads the lyrics. Once an asteroid belt was our thing and our skies had big rocks on the wing. They just kept flying around till they crashed to the ground. Just like Saturn, the earth had a ring. Yes, there you go.

That's right, according to a ground-breaking new geological study, a one-point God liked us so he put a ring on us.

460 million years ago the earth was struck by a series of meteorites all along the equator so scientists now hypothesize that the rocks were not just like randomly striking the earth but instead dropping down from a ring around the earth it's fascinating what we didn't know about the past right now we know someday far in the future scientists will discover that the earth used to have land oh because we're dying

One of the benefits of having a ring, it just looks good. Yeah, pretty much. I mean, Saturn's pretty sexy, right? It is. Saturn is really hot, right? Man, the number of times in grade school where I was like, will you focus? I'm like, I am.

He's in an erotic reverie, ladies and gentlemen. Here is your last limerick. Airline comfort is crossing a line. When they sleep, I have no space to dine. They lean back and I'm hoping my laptop won't open. I vote to ban seeds that. Recline.

It's like church in here, this is awesome. According to a new survey, 41% of airline passengers say they want airlines to ban reclining seats on flights completely.

Which means, of course, that the other 59% of passengers are monsters. It is very offensive when someone just comes back and you're in that little tiny space and you're collapsing your skeleton in like a praying mantis and pretzels. It's like, bam, I'm here now with my bald head in your lap. That's not cool. What if they add the beep, the beep, beep, beep.

So you're reversing and the person knows it's happening. Yeah. Tim, how do Kristen do in our quiz? It's a good question. You know, I was focusing so much on this. I'm going to give her 800 points. Yeah, I know. I'm sure that's close.

That's within a margin of error. Congratulations. You've set a record on our show. Well done. Thank you so much for playing, Kristen. Take care. Thank you guys. Happy Thanksgiving. Bye-bye, you too.

Now onto our final game, lightning fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Tim, can you give us the scores? Tom has three points. Maz has three points. Joyelle has two. All right, very good.

So here we go, that means, Joel, you are in second place behind the guy, so you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question, fill in the blank. On Thursday, blank withdrew, as Trump's pick, for Attorney General. Matt Gaetz. Yeah. On Monday, budget airline blank filed for bankruptcy.

Ew, spirit. Yes, this would be Raphael Nadal officially retired from professional blank. Tennis. Right, tennis. On Thursday, the CDC confirmed the first US case of the new strain of blank pox. Ooh, monkey? Yeah, em pox, as they call it. After dozens of monkeys escaped a research facility in South Carolina this week, reports now say that blank. They take a fly. No, almost. That there are also furl emu on the loose in South Carolina. Well, that's supposed to know the answer to that. Well, okay.

This week, the daughters of civil rights leader, Blank, sued the CIA over his assassination. Bernice Keene, Martin Luther Keene, Malcolm X? No, no, it was Malcolm X, yes, I'll give it to you. On Wednesday, Lady Gaga and Post Malone were named as headliners of 2020 Fimes Blankella Festival. Coach. Coachella, this week, authorities in Argentina caught a man trying to swim, smuggled cigarettes across the border from Paraguay disguised as Blank. Tarantulas. No, he was disguised as a giant aquatic plant.

The man had been swimming across the river that forms the border between Paraguayan Argentina with 200 packs of cigarettes covered with leaves and artificial plants, and authorities were like, wait a minute, plants don't usually have arms. Tim, how did Joy-Elle do on our quiz? Well, I'm happy to tell you Joy-Elle got six right, and she now has 12 points, and she is in the lead. There you go.

I have 14 points. 14 points. Did I say 12? I meant 14. There you go. There you go. Maz, I'm going to arbitrarily pick you to go next, fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Biden authorized the blank's use of American supplied long-range missiles. Ukraine. Right. On Monday, the Manhattan DA agreed to postpone blank's hush money sentencing. Trump's. Right. This week, the US formally proposed a partial breakup of search giant blank. Google. Right. In order to avoid space debris, the blank was forced to adjust its orbit on Wednesday.

the blank, the space station. Right. This week an art collector paid $6.5 million for a banana duct taped to a wall and then blanked. He ate it? Yes. What? Dozens of people were second to this week after eating carrots contaminated with blank. E. coli. Right, for the first time, wildlife officials suggested that giraffes be added to the blank list. Endangered species. Right. Speak a woman who was baffled at how her puppy escaped its crate every night, set up a camera and discovered blank.

The puppy was escaping the crate every night, discovered that it wasn't a puppy, it was a monkey.

and was using his arms to get out of the crate. No! She discovered that her other dog was unlocking the crate and letting the puppy out as soon as the coast was cleared. The woman caught her other dog on camera walking after the puppy's crate and using his teeth and paws to unlock it. The woman has since gotten a more secure cage and is confident the puppy will not escape any longer. But why is that other dog bringing in a birthday cake? It's not the puppy's birthday.

Tim, how did Maz do on our quiz? I'm happy to tell you that Maz got seven right. He now has 14 points, but he is 17 points total, and he is now in the lead. There you go, 17. Yes! Here's the tough one, Tim. How many, then, does Tom Papa need to win? Seven to tie, eight to win.

All right. Here we go, Tom. This is for the game, Fill in the Blank. On Thursday, the International Criminal Court issued an arrest warrant for blank. Netanyahu. Netanyahu, right. On Tuesday, Donald Trump picked WWE's Linda McMahon as his secretary of blank. Education. Right. This week, Australia's government introduced a bill to limit kids under 16 from using blank. Social media. Right. This week, MIT announced it would offer free blank for families earning less than $200,000 a year.

Uh, college. Well, free tuition. On Tuesday, private space company blank scrapped their latest booster catch attempt. SpaceX. Right, on Thursday, cryptocurrency blank hit an all-time high. Bitcoin. Right, last week a man in the UK who had his phone stolen by thieves was able to easily chase them down because blank. Because, uh, find my iPhone. No, because he happened to be four-time Olympic gold medalist runner Mo Farah. Hilarious. Amazing.

Mo Farah, one of the greatest middle-distance runners who has ever lived, was out for a jog when the thieves snatched his phone, but I have a feeling they instantly regretted it after they heard the four-time Olympic champion mutter finally. That is cool. Tim did Tom Papa do well enough to win. This math is difficult.

Tom got six right, 12 more. He had 15 total. But it doesn't beat Maas, because Maas got 17 total. Yeah!

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict after giant mattress is what will be the next innovation in sleep. But first, let me tell you all that. Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with urgent haircut productions, Doug Berman, the benevolent overlord, Philip Goethekir writes out on Lumrex, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff of crew at the Student Maker Theatre, B.J. Letterman, composer, and theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Brumboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson, Biniem Bezuna, and Monica Heke. Peter Gwynn is our

turkey baster. Emma Choi is our vibe curator, technical directions, more on a wider CFO's called another reproduction manager. Is Robert Newhouse our senior producer is the Enchilag and the executive producer. Wait, wait, don't tell me. This is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will be the next big thing in sleep after big mattresses? Ma's Joe Bronney. Now that the beds are so big, Starbucks will build a store in your bed so you can have a cappuccino and then take a napachino.

The eternal sunshine mattress. Wake up refreshed, not knowing what happened the day before. And Tom, pop up. The San Francisco Sleep Center, where guests can go to sleep in pods and wake up in four years when this is all over.

And if any of that happens panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell. Thank you so much, Tim Meadow. Thanks also to Maz Jobrani, Joelle McColl-Johnson, Tom Papa. Thanks to our fabulous audience who joined us here in Chicago. Just give it to Peter, and thanks to all of you for listening wherever you might find yourself. I'm Peter Siegel, and we'll see you next week.

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