We Must Think The Unthinkable | The Glass Is Already Broken

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Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast. On Friday, we do double duty, not just reading our daily meditation, but also reading a passage from the Daily Stoic. My book, 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance in the Art of Living, which I wrote with my wonderful collaborator, translator,

and a literary agent, Stephen Hanselman. So today, we'll give you a quick meditation from the Stoics with some analysis from me, and then we'll send you out into the world to turn these words into works. We must think the unthinkable.

It was a speedboat accident. It was a rare genetic heart disorder. It was an accidental drug overdose. This was how Francis Ford Coppola, Martha Nussbaum and David Kessler respectively lost their children, a tragic experience that they have talked about both in their work. And when they came on the daily stoic podcast, not too long ago, as Coppola said when I was interviewing him, the loss of a child is not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

Obviously, no parent deserves such a cruel fate. Most of us wouldn't even consider it a possibility. We'd rather focus on the good times and the good fortune, all the hope that our children represents. But the stoats would urge us otherwise. In fact, Marcus really explicitly writes in meditations that as you kiss your son good night, he's quoting Epictetus here, he says, whisper to yourself,

He may be dead in the morning. Don't tempt fate, you say. By talking about a natural event is fate tempted when we speak of grain being reaped? For the stoic so this wasn't some silly academic exercise. The death of a child was very common in ancient times. Marcus Aurelius himself buried not one but nine of his children. Seneca buried an infant son and Cicero an adult daughter.

The point of contemplating this unthinkable reality actually isn't morbid. It's purposeful. A parent who acknowledges the fragility of life understands that every moment with their child is a gift and it is not wasted. A wise parent looks at the world, harshes is and says, I see what you're capable of, what you might do to my family tomorrow, but today you've spared us and I will not take that for granted.

And this is how we must live, not just with our children, but with our wealth, the peace in our country, the clear skies above. It can all vanish in an instant. And there's little we can do to prevent that. But what we can do is fully immerse ourselves in the present moment, savoring each present moment. We do have as parents, as friends, as individuals with a sense of gratitude and appreciation. And we've been talking a lot about

memento mori here. I have some memento moris. I have the memento mori coin here on my desk on my mirror and my bathroom. I have a chunk of a tombstone and just as dad on it. It's just a reminder to me, to you, hopefully, about the fragility and ephemerality of life and the importance of being present.

If you want any of these reminders, you can check out store.dailystoke.com. I'll link to the collection in today's show notes. But do listen to that episode with with Coppola and Nussbaum and Kessler. They're three of the most moving episodes we've had. Very, very beautiful. And I learned a lot both as a parent and as a person, I think you will too.

November 22nd. This is the entry from the Daily Stoke 366 Meditations on Wisdom Perseverance and the Art of Living. And by me, Ryan Holiday, and my wonderful co-author and dear friend, Stephen Hanseman, I am holding a cloth-bound first edition. Got a leather-bound edition in the Daily Stoke store. Got an e-book, audio. But actually, it's only on these episodes that you can hear me do it because I did not do the audio.

The day I spoke, we had a professional voiceover artist do it. But today's quote comes to us from Seneca in his consolation to Helvia. That's his mother. He says fortune falls heavily on those for whom she's unexpected. The one always on the lookout easily endures. There is a story of a Zen master who had a beautifully prized cup.

The master would repeat to himself, the glass is already broken. He enjoyed the cup. He used it. He showed it off to visitors. But in his mind, it was already broken. And so one day, when it actually did break, he simply said to himself, of course. And this is how the Stoics think, too. There is supposedly a true story about Epictetus in a lamp. He never locked his house. And so his expensive lamp was stolen. And when Epictetus replaced it, he replaced it with a cheaper one. So it could be less attached to it if it were stolen again.

devastation that feeling like we're absolutely crushed and shocked by an event. It's partly a factor of how unlikely we considered that event in the first place. No one is wrecked by the fact that it's snowing in the winter because we've accepted and even anticipated this turn of events. What about the occurrences that surprise us? Well, we might not be so shocked if we took time to consider their very possibility.

You know, I took some questions as part of the daily stoic 101 challenge, which you can check out. I think it's dailystoke.com slash 101. If you want to do a deeper dive into stoicism, we run it all the time. It's fantastic. But my favorite part is the office hours. And somebody asked me about stoic paradoxes. And they said, what about the sort of paradox or the seeming contradiction between what Seneca is saying here?

to sort of go, this thing could happen, I've got to be prepared for it, think about it, think about it, think about it, and then not being anxious, right? He says, you who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than it's necessary. I think that story of the Zen master and his cup is a good way to sort of solve for that paradox, right? And I think it's important that the Zen master enjoyed the cup.

appreciated the cup. He priced it. Yet he also told himself it would be gone soon, that he wouldn't get it forever. So he didn't lock it up in a cupboard. He didn't pay a bunch of money to ensure it. He didn't, no, don't, don't touch that. Get mad at his kids, right? He enjoyed it. He appreciated. He just understood that it was not bound for this world, that it would not be here forever, that it was in a sense already broken because someday it inevitably would break.

And actually, maybe this is a way in to understand that really trying, oof, rough Mark's really thing that he quotes Epictetus about saying to yourself as you tuck your kids in at night, they will not make it till the morning. This isn't detachment. It's not, oh, I don't care. I don't prize the cup. The cup doesn't matter to me. It's not, it's no good anyway. The way we sort of preemptively and immaturely push away things that we're afraid of losing.

It's designed to do the opposite. I love you. This is amazing. You are so special.

You're supposed to be there for the moment with your kids, but know that someday they will grow up. Someday they will move out. Someday something will happen to you or to them. These are statistical certainties, right? Seneca was writing that letter to his mom after he found out he would be exiled. She was devastated by that news. So Seneca's not talking about this idly. Neither is Marcus Aurelius, right? That exercise must have been so heartbreaking for him because he did have last

That times was so many of his children.

The Stoics knew this stuff firsthand. We have the hard one wisdom of their very painful, devastating experiences. So it's not a paradox. It's reality and reality is complex. You have something you love and you prize it and you don't want to lose it, but you understand that you will lose it, that you don't get it forever, that fortune behaves exactly as she pleases. I have to be aware of this. I have to be practical about it.

We can't be caught by surprise, right? The unexpected blow lands heaviest, Seneca said, right? You'd prefer that you wake up the next day, and hopefully you will you wake up the next day and your kids are still there.

You reach for the cup in the cabinet and it's still there. Most of the time that will be true. Most of the time your luck will hold. But someday it won't. And stoicism meditates on that, is aware of that, refuses to deny that.

refuses to suffer before it is necessary, but also doesn't exacerbate that suffering by pretending it's impossible or unfair or unlikely. Any of that embraces reality. It acts accordingly.

Thanks so much for listening to The Daily Stoke Podcast. If you don't know this, you can get these delivered to you via email every day. Check it out at dailystoke.com slash email.

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