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On the set of Batildra, I once saw Joe Marla fight the trunchable. I did not see that. That's what it says on your CV. Do you want that on your CV? I don't, but I don't feel like I have a choice.
Hi, I'm Joe Mahler and I am Tom Fordyce and this is Things People Do. Some people do amazing things on this show. We meet zookeepers, politicians, astronauts and some people who do other things like
recruitment. Cheesemakers drainage engineers because everyone is interesting if you ask the right questions. See I used to hate people but this podcast has changed me and now I can't get enough of people and the weird and wonderful things they do. Been in Blackadder.
What? I love how casual that is. I was 27 years old living in Maidenhead and I felt like my soul was eroding every day. What you're saying is for the right price, you're the man. I'm always the man. We are back at the Clappen Grand again with another live episode of Things People Did where we are celebrities and comedians all about the jobs they used to do before they were famous. And our guest today is a phenomenal comedian. It's Sindhu V.
I applied to 18 consulting firms. I got 19 rejection letters. You are going to buy government bonds because they're the safest, because no government defaults. You be in full? No, you can eat for. Why the fuck are you saying I can eat for? Because you're so much stronger on looking. Strong as your foot worked and ends there. Welcome to things people did.
Ladies and gentlemen, please be answering them from a wonderful Sindhu V. That was good. Thank you. Yeah, nice. There's the energy. Loving it. Welcome, Sindhu. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to be here. Thank you. Sindhu, what are your thoughts on Joe Shorts? Have you seen these?
Could you stand up right now? They're very cute. Cute.
Yeah. Like, not in a bad way. Like, you know... Like cute, like, a 10-year-old boy going to the beach. No, like, oh, look at that guy. He's so cute. Like that. Oh, okay. So... They're cute. Don't tell my wife about tonight. Especially earlier, okay? None of that. Thank you. You look really cute, too. Thank you. Don't know what this could go down. Tom, you look all right as well. I'd say you look your age.
Thanks for that. No, that's like a normal middle-of-the-road statement, isn't it? I'm not sure it is, John. It's the same thing. I'm not sure it is. I don't think that's a normal comment. That's not a normal comment. I think for anyone who's passed 20, if you say to them, oh, you look your age, that's immediately an insult.
Would you love me to move on, Joe, because I don't think so. It's something ever happened. And to do, you'll be familiar with things people did, in which we talked about all the jobs that you did before you became an amazing and famous comedian.
Now, Joe, we've spoken to different people through the months on this show. Different jobs. This is the very first time that we've had someone with what we might refer to as a proper, proper, proper job. Like, this could be the most impressive job. I think he is by distance. And I still have no fucking idea what they do in this job. So you used to be an investment banker. I was. I was an investment banker in... I sold... Yeah, that deserves a move. That's right.
Thank you. I sold bonds. Bonds. Okay, shall we break this down real quick? Is that okay? Yes, please. Basically, as a company, you can borrow money either by taking your shares and selling them to people and then they give you money, so you have money.
Or you can sell your debt. You can say, here's a bond. So I'm not giving you shares, but it's kind of like a little loan. And then at some point, you can sell the bond back or you just get a dividend, a coupon dividend. Don't worry about it. It's a way of, I know, already I'm losing you. I see this. It's a way. You got me. You got me at sell your debt. So I can like give my debt to someone else. We're in a bond. Yeah.
So that's doable. So if I went up to someone tonight, I went, well, my debt, they could buy that. Yeah, but it would be a bond and then they could reclaim it, then you'd have to give them back what they've given you plus interest. So it'd be more debt? I mean, if you had no money to start with, and this is what you were doing, yes, you would have more of no money.
But the bottom line is, I sold bonds, which is to say I wasn't like in stocks and I sold bonds and I sold only government bonds to, because governments borrow money all the time. I mean, we're the UK, we should know that.
We borrow money all the time and I only sold them to other central bankers or hedge funds. So it was a very specific kind of bond sale. Cindy, what was it about this world that made you want to enter it? Because it is very, very different. Where you have ended up? I was doing a PhD and I grew up in India so I was on a scholarship and very specific visa requirements. And then at some point I was like, this is so boring. Goddamn, this PhD is fucking really doing my head in.
Seriously, it was just boring and I thought I have to quit But if I quit I had to go back to India because I wouldn't have visa and being an illegal immigrant is just never fun And so and this was in the United States and and there it's never fun They really get you here. We're like, please go back but over there. It's like, you know, well, it's so so scary and so I had
And I couldn't really go back to India and say to my parents, especially my mom, that I didn't get married at 21 like you told me. And now at 26, I have no PhD, no husband. She'd have been like, why are you alive? Like what is your heart? So I was like so full of shame. So what I needed was a visa. I needed a legitimate visa to continue to live in the West.
And the only people that would just sponsor you outright were consulting firms, like McKinsey and all of them, or an investment bank. My PhD was in political philosophy. So I was like, not a bank. But then let's be honest, as an Indian, I just have a native amount of mathematics in my head. So it turns out I could do the tests or whatever they were, interviews. So I applied to everything.
And I applied, and I've said this before and I'll say it again, I thought, I'll apply it for consulting from what do consultants do? I still don't know, you know. They come, they make pie charts, they say, in this circle here, and you're like, why are you drawing it? I can see, I know what a circle is, that's what they do. I thought someone there will give me a, you know, some kind of bullshitty job.
I applied to 18 consulting firms. I got 19 rejection letters. Someone heard I was applying and I swear. But I got a lot of interviews at investment banks. And I didn't know what the job was. I just went in and I was like, I'd like a job.
And then they would ask me these. And I read up. It's not like I didn't read. And I talked to my friends who were doing MBAs. And I got three jobs, one here in London. But it was a more senior job. And then two, one in Hong Kong and one in New York. And I didn't take New York and Hong Kong. My mother said, oh, you must come to Hong Kong. So many good Indian boys will get you married. I was like, no, we're not doing that. So I didn't go to Hong Kong.
And that's how I got the job. So I had nothing to do. I did not know what I was going to be doing. I just knew that I would have a legitimate way to earn a living and continue to sort of do something so my parents weren't embarrassed. Joe, are you listening to Cindy here and thinking that the investment banker world might be something for you? You do play, you do play the twins. So as in working one,
Yeah, I can work your mum. Because Leonardo DiCaprio did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Plus, I have to tell you, I was in sales. And sales is always the same. You see? Yeah, you have to know a little bit about your product, a little bit. But the fact is, sales always works on your client trusting you or wanting to hear your view before you say, you know, buy this thing. It's like, it's not a, it's sales is sales. So even when I didn't know exactly what I was doing in the beginning,
My clients trusted me, and our traders knew what they were doing. They were trying to rip off my client, for sure. So I had to make sure they didn't rip them off too much. You know, because money-making, no matter when and where it's happened in the world, someone is getting screwed, okay? That's just money-making, sorry to say. And so that was, in the beginning, it was just sales and trusting the client and trusting, or the client trusting me. Then over time, you learn what the product is.
My issue there would be the trust bit and getting the client to trust me based on my views that I'm giving down the phone to them or in person where I'll just say something. They might just be scared of you, Joe.
because you know, you know. But I've got really cute shorts on. You do. But that's not formal office attire. And also, you wouldn't be wearing that. And also, I think if you just looked at them and said, you better, they would buy some bonds from you, for sure. So bully tactics. Not bully. Just like a kind of a very assertive. I can fucking do it then. What sort of working environment would Joe find himself in Cindy? So, Joe, I've literally never seen you in long trousers.
Yeah, well, because of that undercarriage issue. Because of the undercarriage issue. Simdoo, let's find out if Joe really could do this. Is he got a desk? Is he got screens? Is there a decent lunch break? There's no lunch break. Fuck off. Yeah, well, there you go. There's no lunch break. You can shove your investment bank and all the fucking gold coins that you've got in it up your ass because I need food. Lunch? Yeah, no, but we ate lunch on the desk.
So the most junior person, there was no break. There was just eight lunch while. So I had one, two, three, four, five, six screens. And then you have this bank of numbers and they're always going off. And then you have your personal number, which every time mine rang, it was my mother.
And then anyone can pick up your line, because when you're on the phone with a client, if your line is ringing, and there were these long phones, so you'd all be like, it's a huge trading floor. And invariably, in the middle of something, someone would say, oh, wait, it's your mouth. I'm like, tell her I'm not talking to her right now. It's so funny. And also, then you have no personal space.
So the first couple of huge fights I had with my spouse, because I got married very early in my job, I had to go under my desk. And then everyone on your desk was like, okay, they're having a fight. Then they'd pick up your calls and take care of your clients, because you were under the desk being like, I fucking can't believe I married you, or whatever, you know, under the desk.
Because you're there from... I used to get to work around 6 a.m. Because I was still junior, so it was before Tokyo closed, and then go home around 6, 6, 30, so it was a whole day. And you see, you have to fight.
So then you're going to do it inside the desk. So you've got the area like with your six screens and your big bank of keyboards and your phone and all that and the lunch spot and the box of the lunch boxes. It's all happening there. So it's all there but is it like with marathon runners? Like they obviously can't. If they need another, a different sort of break.
Oh yeah, no, then you're just... So where are you doing? Are you just doing that then? No, no, no, no. So you're allowed to go to the toilet? Oh no, because if you're not at your desk, someone else will take your call, but like, if you're in the middle of a live trade, you don't go anywhere, but it goes like this. It's like, it's always moving like this, you know? So it's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Can I get a price for this? Okay, you're done, you're done, boom, and then you can go pee.
Cindy, did you have any because clearly you are no longer an investment banker? Maybe that was your choice, but things can go wrong in this world. Did you have any spectacular losses? Oh, yeah, once. And I think the thing is that because I was very junior, it was and it was also Japanese yen. So, you know, even though it's like four billion, it's not that much because of the exchange rate.
So the Bank of Japan used to do a treasury bill short-term auction twice a week, and a lot of central banks would buy billions and billions of their tea bills. And I would have to go and do the trade, but that involved a swap, an FX swap between yen and dollars or whatever.
And you know, I got like a dot in the wrong, like, you know, when you do the multiplication, digit thing, I got it wrong for one client. It was just so stressed. I'm starting to sweat now because it was so stressful. And no one else had come in. I thought, well, that's it. I'm going to get fired. What sort of numbers we talking that you've lost this time? No, it wasn't. It was probably not more than, I don't know, 100, 200 k, which is not in bank. No, no, no.
No, I'm not. It helps you, dude. How much you run into this? No, no. Not all that I'm trying to catch. It wasn't my money. It was the... Oh, right, yes. You don't give fun. No, no. No, but oh my God, it's so stressful to think about it. But, you know, people can... You can... I mean, if you're doing a longer-term bond, you can lose tens of millions, but then you are in trouble. I mean, so I sort of... We were able to fix it, but until my boss came in, she was very nice.
Not that day, but generally. And then I went to her and I was all like, oh. And she was stern with me. But she said, we'll fix it. And we did. But that was very, very stressful. Because also, the FX changes in seconds. So if you don't bolt it down, then you can't go back and get it. Oh, horrible. Joe, I can sense that your interest is peaked by the bond world. I'm not just because of what's happening in your shorts.
I would like to see a scenario, Joe, where you are interested for reasons that we can't as yet ascertain. You are interested in buying some bonds. Yeah. Cindy, you're selling the bonds. Yeah. Let's see how this goes. Shoot. Am I buying? You're going to buy some bonds. Are they debt bonds? I don't want any of them. Bonds are only debt. Oh. Yeah. I don't want to buy them.
No, OK, let's put it this way. You have some money. Yeah. You want to invest it. Yes. There you go. We've got loads of money from this podcast because of all these lovely people paying £15 and £5 for their tickets tonight. OK, so I want to take all of their money, including what they've got in their pockets because they've kindly donated it and we're going to invest it and then we're going to spread it all out again. So I've got three and a half grand.
That's fine. What can I do with that? Okay, well, we are only going to talk about bonds, and we're only going to talk about government bonds. Yeah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck man.
No. Stick it to the man. Stick it to the person. The person, not just the man, but also you're kind of giving them your money, so you're not sticking it to anybody. Oh, actually you've been the opposite, aren't you? Just... Oh. Okay, let me just explain. So you can call and say, I have this money. And I'll say, you know what? You should invest it safely. Yeah. Don't do anything risky. I'm risk averse.
Yeah, and it's a really good, because it's a long-term play, right? These people have worked very hard for this money, right, Joe? And they've given it to you, and now you want to invest it carefully so that in the long-term, you get, you keep earning, yes? Yeah, that is not what we want. Fair. Yeah, we want that. So, and you are going to buy government bonds because they're the safest, because no government defaults. Governments.
Joe does... See, this is why salespeople get fucked up when they talk to someone. Joe doesn't know that. Don't tell him anything. Hang on, Cindy. No, no, no. Okay. Listen. What about Greece? I know they... They're... I'm not selling you junk bonds. Oh. I'm selling you Western Tier 1 debt. I'm selling you US bonds. US Treasury bonds. Yeah. Okay. And I think...
I think that given what's going on in the US now and what it looks like, you'll do well in those bonds. I think that economy is going to have to get stronger and I think it will get stronger. And then I'm going to give you a lot of speed about Trump is probably going to go. By the way, Yay Kamla Harris, yeah, she's going to come, it's going to be stable. Do you believe that?
Well, Trump's going to die. No. Let's just break it down. Do you think Trump is bad? I think Trump is bad. Do you think someone who's not Trump is good? I don't have an opinion on that because I'm not up to speed on US politics. No. But if you're not Trump, you're better than Trump. Well, Hitler was a can.
Fair, fair, but we're not getting him. Okay, let me go to do this. Sorry, I needed to get the same bum out because I hadn't had it. And eight fucking deserved that one. Yeah, no, okay. Do you think, do you think a Democratic leader who is a woman who's half Indian and half Black would probably be more diverse and more inclusive than Trump?
That sounds... Yeah, yes. So... Fucking sounds better to me. That's right. And so, you know, it looks like she's gonna do better. So the economy and the general politics and the macroeconomics should do better. And, you know, you'll be buying debt from a stronger... Yeah, from a stronger position. Should I sell you some bonds?
There you go. And I've sold you some bucks. Yeah, fuck you now. This trade, I got a buzz out of that role play. I actually genuinely like... By the way, that was an extremely simplified sale. Because we don't have time job, because we don't have time. It goes on and on and on. Yeah, because we can't talk about yields and this and we don't talk about that. We don't want to talk about derivatives and all that. So we just need some yields. Yields, yields, fund yields. You've been spending some yields.
I did actually invest once, I did do investment actually. In? Thank you, yeah. It was in, it was called Lenny Gas and Oil. And it was a Venezuelan.
I'm not joking. Well, I say Lenny. So it's called LGO, Lenny Gassenoil, and it was a Venezuelan oil... Not Lenny as in Ben Young's. No, not him, no, no. No, it was an oil-rigging Venezuela. It was an oil-rigging Venezuela, and I was getting, like, the... Huge return. BPD reports, barrels per day, reports from Thingy, because the kit man... Was that not a red flag?
Well, no, because I trusted the kitman. It's all about trust in sales. He sold it to me as a trust. He said, I'll just put in a little, you know, five or eight. And I went, yeah, that sounds great. Mate, I've got that. Yeah, that's infested. And it went up and it went up. And I was like, Reg, this is fucking flying. This is incredible. Like, he's like, hold off, mate, hold off. We're going to plan a 50p party. Then we're going to plan a one pound party. And I was like, OK, cool. But now I've doubled my money. He was like,
I said, shall I get it out? Because I'm happy now. I'm happy with that. And he's like, no, no, no, leave that in. Leave it in, mate. I was like, OK, cool. And then it was really good. And it told three of us, and we'd all invested and quietly going about our ethnicity. And then it got round to the World Cup.
and during a World Cup camp, each week I was checking it and it was fucking dropping like this and I'm like, red boots, shall I get out, shall I get it? He said, no, hold firm mates, gonna shoot back up, I've met with the guy, met with the MD and all this stuff and the BPD is fucking flying, they're promising this coming, I was like, okay, I do, just stick it in.
And then the night before the opening game of our home world cup, he then decided to email all 31 man squad the night before saying, hi guys, I've got really good investment opportunity if you don't want to get on the train now, of which I was like, fucking hell, I thought that was our secret mate. But then it turned out he needed a load of other people to shoot a load of money in for his shares to go like that. And I didn't understand the concept of like a Ponzi scheme or anything like that.
I thought it sounded good. It was really good. And then it just dropped. And then I've still got the shares. Because they were too thingy to come out. So I still own bits of Lenny Gas and Oil. I think I've got 300 quid in there now. So I think I'm a good investor.
You're a very good investor for the salesperson. I would just say on that, I would never invest in something that was not backed by some kind of guarantee. Kidman said it was good.
So that's the salesperson's word, whereas there was no one that you could then say, now I want my money back, you have to give me this. And that's why bonds, et cetera, tend to have some kind of guarantee. And your money in the bank, so there's no runs on the bank here because the bank will always guarantee your money back. So it's always better to do that.
So not gas or oil? No, gas and oil, but maybe you can buy gas and oil stocks from bigger companies BP, but I don't know if we like BP really, or you can even buy their bonds. Okay. Yeah. I'll do that for us. I won't invest our money into LGO. Anyone else in LGO? Just out of interest.
Fuck you then, that's fine. So Cindy, let's go a little bit further back in your career to the point where you were offered a job at a bookshop but could not take it. Yes, so I was 16 or 17 and in India it is not usual at that time for children whose parents were not struggling to suddenly go and start working. You went to school,
You came home, you listened to your parents, then you went to college, university, you either got a job or you got married. This business of suddenly saying, oh, I want to go and start doing a job, it just wasn't a thing. However, some places, and there was a bookstore, it was called the Bookshop. So literally that was what it was called.
And it was in my neighborhood near my house and my school. And that gentleman often gave jobs to older teens. And I wanted to have a job there because I love books. And then my mother said, no, because she said, you don't love books.
You want to meet that boy from your class who kind of, I've seen you guys talking and I don't, I think he's a very bad boy. So you can't take that job. Now, she was completely correct. Like that's absolutely why I wanted that job. Nothing to do with books. I wanted to hang out with this guy.
So she said, no, and I was so sad. And she said, oh, he will lead you astray. And I still know him. He's a friend of mine. He would have led me so fucking astray. It's not even funny. I mean, I look at his life now, and I'm like, bro. Anyway, yeah, just catastrophically astray. Anyway, so I wasn't allowed to take the job.
And I tried to reason with my dad, and my dad told her to just let her go, and my mother was like, no, if she's so interested in being independent, we'll just get her married. And I'm like, that's not the definition of independence. But so I wasn't allowed to. I wasn't allowed to take a job by her. Yes, but I understand that now from your mother's point of view, because you weren't taking the job for the job.
You would take it so you could go out of your way with this fella in the middle of a book. Well, so I have his way. Yeah, but yeah, that's... I mean, I was stupid, but I had a crush on him. What do you want? And I wasn't allowed to... Like, he came over all the time. We were friends. But I couldn't, like, do anything at home, you know. So maybe in the bookshop.
This reminds me, Joe, of the episode we did with the librarian. Oh, my God. Remember the aisle where things happened? Was it? It was sci-fi, wasn't it? Sci-fi and fantasy. Sci-fi and fantasy. That is the library aisle to avoid. Always, too. If it's like a voyeur part of you, then that's the aisle we go to. Then you should go, yeah. And you just... You've got fucking Lord of the Rings on your right, and then... Star Trek.
Is that a book? It'll do, yeah. Star Trek DVD.
Can I just say, when I say I couldn't do anything, you have to remember, I was 16, 17 in India at a time where the biggest thing that I was hoping would happen was I would hold hands with him. And that would not have ever been allowed elsewhere. So I think we would have, I'd have been trying to sell a book because I was in sales to you while holding, I don't know what I thought was gonna happen. I was holding this boy's hand and selling books, I don't know. But none of it happened because I was not allowed to work there. And every time I walked by, I'd be like, I can't believe she didn't fucking let me do that job.
And Cindy, when you have a slightly obliquely reference that this man, no, it's still known as man, he would have led you astray in what way, what elements of his future behaviour make you think he would have led you astray? Like, first of all, so many marriages. Oh, how many? Just, I think number six now, but also an unnecessary... Quite, yeah. But it's an unnecessary number of marriages. Like, just after the first three, be like, I suck at this. I'll just have a girlfriend.
You know, don't do the house and the kids and da-da-da. That's one thing. That's a big thing. And also then every ex hates you. That's a sign. At least one could be like, oh, I'm sad this didn't work. They're all like, fuck you, we're going to come and kill you. What point did they relax a little bit and go, you can go and get a job, but like your very first job that wasn't the bookshop?
Well, I mean, when I left India and I was on scholarships to study abroad, they had no say because I was in university. And if I got a job in the library or something, they were like, yeah, fine. And they understood that I couldn't fly back to see them because I just didn't have the money. There were other things they were more strict about. Like, I never told them if I was seeing somebody.
because I was like, well, I'm not probably not going to marry this guy. So I can't tell my mom because she'll be like, is this your fiancee? And it's like, no, it's some guy I'm banging. Like, what are you talking about? And you just couldn't have that conversation. It's caught me off guard there. Yeah, sorry. You know. There is a slightly happy ending to this story, Joe, because I believe in the world, the bookshop didn't happen because of your mom. You did sort of get to do the same thing because you were an evening librarian.
I was an evening library and this is actually a really happy story for me because I now have children who are at university here. So when I came from India, directly from India to university here, I did not have any of the cultural references about kids in the UK who go to university.
First thing, second thing, I was on a scholarship and they gave you like a bursary. But, and everyone I'd come with, nine of us had come, and it was not a lot of money, but it was enough. Except for me, because I, very early on, after coming here, I discovered two things. One is Pizza Hut, and the other is Bella Pasta. They had a dessert called the Godfather. And it's a huge dessert for four people, and it comes with sparklers.
Now you got me. And his ice cream and brownies, I used to eat it myself. Now you really have me. Yeah, I was like, I fucking love this. And so I was like, I need money because I had no spending money. Like, you could not have gone every weekend to Pizza Hut and Bella Pasta on our stipend. So I needed a job.
So I got a job in the college library on a Friday and Saturday because where do all English kids go on a Friday and Saturday to the pub? Like I didn't drink a lot. I hadn't even really gotten into my drinking. Oh my goodness. No idea at that time what I was capable of.
So I was like, I'll do it. And so I did the library every Friday and Saturday. I just was there for hours. And I think I earned a couple of pounds an hour. One of the things I found out very quickly was who the real weirdos of the college were. Because they came to the library. But I guess for an English kid, they were odd because they weren't at the pub. They were studying in the library on a Friday. I was trying to earn money for my Bella Pasta habit.
The evening librarian, how is that a job?
The evening librarian surely must be the easiest job in the world. Like, you just said, no one goes to the library, apart from one or two. So what were you actually doing? I was literally sitting at the desk waiting for someone to come, but I said to sit there because the library's open 24 hours. And then at some point, when the porter came, or before the porter came, the students could come. They had like, we had a, but you couldn't check books out, like for a few hours. But otherwise it was always open. Someone had to be there.
Someone loves libraries. Yay. All night libraries. Yeah. I mean, I just sat there. You didn't ever check out the sci-fi and fantasy aisle. No, no, no, but also there were a lot of books you had to like reap, you know, the books that had been given in. You had to put them in the right shelf and all that kind of stuff.
Yeah, it wasn't a huge library. I just didn't have a life, Friday and Saturday night. Like, what was I... I was there. But I did eat well during the week. Did they put just on that pudding? You know, for the four people, for one, but you'd eat that alone. This big, yeah. But would they put the sparklers in it still for you? Or...
Just for me, no, it came with sparklers. Yeah, no, but because they saw you eat alone, did they put the sparklers up? Yeah, yeah. I used to go into Bella Pasta by myself. If I'd written a great essay and done really well, I'd be like, and I used to play a lot of basketball. I played basketball for the university. So I would go to basketball and on my way home, stop in at Bella Pasta, order the godfather and eat it. Did you get like name tags like the godfather girl or something? No.
I don't think so. I don't know that they did wave at me. That's true. They did. So no, I didn't get a name. Joe, I'll cut the chase. How many godfathers could you eat in one sitting? Two and a half. Four!
That you be in full? No, you can eat for. What the fuck are you saying I can eat for? Because you are so much stronger looking. Stronger. You know you like to look like you're strong. Listen, there's ice cream. That goes down easy. Hang on, just go through these ingredients one more time since we can all picture the godfather. It has got bottom to top.
It's got, well, I haven't eaten it for a lot of years, okay? It's got ice cream, brownies, chocolate sauce, and cream. Exactly. You could eat four. If I can eat one, you can eat four. Whatever you want me to invest in, I'll invest it. Exactly.
Give me all the godfathers you got. So good. Honestly, January, maybe you're right. Maybe I could eat four. I could. If I can do 12 packets of quavers in bed, I can eat four godfathers. Easy. I do really struggle with eating, if I'm honest.
I have a packet of custard creams, a whole pack to myself every night. There you go. What's the scenario in which you find something? Are you in front of the TV? Are you just in bed? Well, no, I read them across the evening. What I'll do is I go to the biscuit tin, I'll get like three or four out, then I'll go back and sit in the lounge and just go, oh, that's nice little snack barar. And then I'll get up, and I'll go back to the biscuit tin, and then I'll go, get three or four out, and then I'll go, hmm, I don't really want to waste any energy getting up again.
Maybe I take five or six this time. And then it sort of goes with that river until I come back and the biscuit tins empty. And then I'll just hold my way back from work the next day. I'll just buy another pack and then refill the tin and go for the same thing. And I'll mix it up with a ham and cheese wrap. How is that mixing it up? It's completely different food stuff. No, I don't. It's the mix? Yeah, that's the mix. I'll have that and then I'll have the wrap. Or maybe I'll air fry some carrots.
which I have you know, I tried a new technique the other day where you put these carrots in the middle of two wooden spoons, yeah, and then you chop it like that. So, who said, oh, did someone say, oh?
You know where I'm going with this? Yeah, they're fucking good, aren't they? Chop it so they look like caterpillars so you don't chop the whole way so they bend like a little caterpillar thick, like a little witchy grub and you like that and then you pour like loads of honey and sugar and shit on them with a bit of rosemary, obviously, whack it in the air fry for about half hour and that constitutes my healthy snack.
I have to say, first of all, that way of cutting is called a hassle back. Second of all, I just got an air fryer and I love it. You know why? Because you can heat pizza so quickly and so well. It's crisp on the bottom. You know, you put the microwave and it's like, man. Sorry, you put pizza in the microwave. To reheat pizza. Oh, right, yeah.
What are you going to do? Turn the oven on. Why aren't you hungry? You got to eat fast. No, I don't want to wait. I just eat cold. No, OK, but there's a time for cold pizza and there's a time for not cold leftover pizza. So you air fry your pizza? It's so good. That's why I got it, which everyone in the house is like, that's the stupidest use. And I'm like, well, you do other shit with it. I'm not stopping you, but I will reheat pizza in it. Love it. Pizza and hassle back. Hustle back. Hustle back. That's when we cut things like that.
Yeah, I knew I could be a chef. I know how to fucking Hasqueak shit. You do that? I've got that. Hang on. I've just had Vicky in my ear. I've got some really bad news. Oh dear. You know Bella, Italia. You know the godfather. Yeah. They don't serve it.
Why? They took it off in menu? When did they stop serving it? Right, they stopped serving it about eight or nine years ago. That's sad. That's really sad. So what the fuck am I going to chop down on now? I can make one, as well as I remember it. And then I have to get some sparklers, which you can get in Wembley, but I don't know if they're the kind you should eat around. But anyway, I could do it for you. I want to invest in you.
Exactly. I see this is how you sell bonds to people. I want to invest in you. Read books together under a light whilst feeding each other. The Godfather. Fair enough. Fair enough. This whole conversation has taken such a turn. Who knew? And I'll sell you bonds. We will do so well. But I can make one for you. I don't know why you would take that off the menu. It's such a good dish. I'll get in contact with them. Fuck them. Yeah, please. I've got my mouth was watering. It really got my hopes up.
So Sindhu, those are some of the jobs that you did a little while ago. You have, as well as the stand-up comedy, you also have had a very successful career in film and TV. You've been in sex education. You have been in Matilda, the musical. Yes.
very, very lucky to have got any of that acting. And I can now talk about stuff that's coming out. Oh, yeah. Can I tell you about that? Yeah. So there'll be a show on Amazon in October, I think, 17th, 18th, and it's called the Pradipse of Pittsburgh.
and it's about a family that has just like in modern day shown up from India in the US and what goes on with them. So I hope you guys watch it and I hope you think it's funny.
Yeah. It's fucking mental, actually. How you've gone from this investment bank, huh? It is mental. And then you've gone into comedy and acting. What do you actually prefer now that you've done, but comedy acting? They're both very different because stand-up is me and acting is always not me. You know what I mean? And so that's kind of a huge difference up here. Stand-up is my home.
It's really my home. So I love acting and I feel so lucky every time I do it, but I still feel like a foreigner in that land. Whereas in stand-up, I'm like, I'm home. So I don't know if that answers your question, but it's not a preference. It's maybe a comfort level that I feel. Cindy, you have been absolutely fantastic. Thank you so much for coming on.
Thank you so much for having me. This was very fun. It took so many turns. Now, you're very successful. But before you leave, we do do CV's for our guests. Just in case it goes tits up. Yes. And probably going tits up off the back of associating yourselves with us. Okay. So Archie, our beloved Archie, has done you a CV that you can pass on to any future employees. Here we go.
Okay, personal statement. I applied to 18 firms, I got 19 rejections. It's not a great start. Joe, would you like to go through some of the key skills on Cindy's CV? Not ripping people off too much. Okay, not too much. Ripping off me. Did you rip me off? No, I did not. I feel like we've got really connected. I put your money in safe bonds. Yeah, safe bonds with America.
Yes, which is absolutely fine. And we're going to have a godfather hooded. Exactly. In fact, I did the opposite of ripping you off. Yeah, I want to read with you. Exactly. Exactly. Air frying pizza. I'm not sure it was going to get you that far. Making the godfather, eating the godfather, making the godfather. Do we have to watch the godfather whilst we're eating that? No, no, no, no. It's too much. What a buzz kill. Yeah, that's too much. Sorry. You know what movie we should watch while we eat the godfather? A Matilda. That we call the other guys.
With Matt Damon and Will Ferrell. Yeah. No, not Matt Damon, the other one. Yeah, Mark. Yeah. Marky Mark. And Will Ferrell, it's so funny. OK. There's no reason why you've chosen that film.
It's just funny. It's just a good film. No, you would love it. No, I do love it, I feel. OK, there you go. We would love it. I think we would love it. Yeah, and we would eat that. I was looking for a connection, but I don't need one because me and you are just going to sit and watch it together. Yeah, it's going to be so fun. Or I feed you and you feed me. Yeah, but perfect. OK, this is fun. I love this. I'm really well. Thank you. So, Cindy, that is your CV. Should you ever need one? You're not going to need one because you are unbelievably good at what you do and you're super successful. Ladies and gentlemen, please show your appreciation.
Oh, Cindy. Thank you so much. There you go. Cindy was superb. We loved having her on the show. If you would like to come and watch things, people did live. You can come and see us at the Clap and Grand on the 3rd of December. We have two brilliant comedians. We have Susie Ruffle and we have Jake Lambert. We'll see you then.
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