The Year of Realizing Things

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Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to the What We Said podcast. Hey, guys. I hope you're having a great Tuesday so far. I've missed you guys. I do. I've been a bit, not really, for you guys, but for us. It's been a couple days longer than we usually go. And when you're a yappy girl, and when you have thoughts just racing 24-7, that's a lot of time. That's a lot of words left unsaid. For sure. That's a lot of downtime. I've been really thinking about lately.

what I would do without a podcast. Like, where would I get all these thoughts out? Where would I be able to just word vomit and vent every thought that comes into my head without this podcast? Isn't it crazy because you have, and I do, but multiple streams of like getting our thoughts out, like Instagram stories, Instagram feeds, YouTube, TikTok, and it's never enough. Like the podcast at an hour a week of just like word vomiting and it's never enough. It's never enough. And people will say to us,

Is it hard to come up with stuff to talk about every week? I'll have people who are interested in starting a podcast, friends or friends of friends, and they'll ask, is it kind of hard to keep thinking about what to talk about and topics and all that? And truthfully, no. I mean, yeah, sure, if you want to think of creative, I don't know, titles and certain topics,

when you've been doing this for six years, yeah, it can get like, you know, sometimes it gets monotonous where it's like, okay, we don't want to do another dating stories because we've done that so much lately. Let's think of something else like in that way, yes. But as far as just getting on the mic, the stream of consciousness, the stream of thoughts like does not end. Yeah, we have to stop ourselves every time and be like, okay, we've been talking for almost an hour and a half, like podcasts, we don't want it to be too long. So we should probably be quiet now. No, exactly. It's really crazy, actually.

Well, first and foremost, actually, the TikTok ban happened while we were gone. Wow. And that was really crazy behavior. Like, that was toxic boyfriend behavior 100%. I was feeling so ghastly and just like, oh my gosh, thrown a thrashed about because

It's literally like they gave us the silent treatment, like we're going, we're leaving, we're done. We're going dark. Everybody say goodbye, like, you know, we got in a fight. Any last words? Yeah, like you better shape up. You better say goodbye because I'm gone for good. And then they shut the door and they leave and you wake up and they're back. Yeah. And they're like, wait, no, it wasn't that it was never that serious. It's like, well,

The entire internet erupted with like a lies, goodbyes, tears, just like everyone was so fearful for their censorship, for their livelihood, like all of that for nothing. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was a big deal. It was

Without TikTok, it was crazy. We were, we had a group chat going, we were talking about just like, this is crazy. Cause we were all opening our app and it's like, oh, it's gone. It's, it's dark. It was 8 30 p.m. I think around that time, we're like, we can't scroll anymore. Like it's done. This is so crazy. The next morning, we, we're still talking about it a little bit and literally, I think eight a.m. I had texted. I'm like, why is TikTok working? Because life got on. He's like, I can scroll. I said, I'm sorry.

What do you mean? Yeah. And then I got on mine, just scrolling as normal. I'm like, huh? And then it pops up with a notification. It's back. I'm like, that was crazy. Yeah, it was crazy. This girl, Molly, that I follow, she's so funny. And she posted, she's like, that was a humiliation ritual. Mm hmm.

He's like, that was crazy. It really was. No, it was really crazy because I understand that. That's the thing. That's why TikTok is the toxic boyfriend because it's like all of ours as the girlfriend who's who's having this happen to us. Our reactions are valid of like. Goodbye. See you later. Like this huge thing is going away. I think it is so valid to literally be crying about that. We are part of it.

to them. Like we are literally they just it's so true. That was a huge ritual. That's hilarious. No, it was. It was crazy. But I think it's so valid. And a lot of people were saying in the beginning, like, you know, all these tiktokers going to have to get a real job and stuff like that. Obviously, some people are joking with some people are serious, like, Oh, boo hoo, you lost your job. And I'm like,

This will affect, okay, so weird regardless, but this will affect so many people and it will affect them a lot more deeply than large TikTok creators. Most large TikTok creators have other platforms, like it's not going to be the end of the world. And honestly, if another app pops up, they can probably get followers a lot easier than the app that they were saying because they're already well known. This, what, who that really affects is people, I had a few girls messaging me just, I was posting about it on stories like, Oh my gosh, it's really gone. This is crazy.

And I had a few girls messaging me like, I'm a single mom and I was like, just now sort of making money off TikTok, either from a small business that they had promoting it or from whatever it is being a content creator. I'm like, that is, that is who it affects even more. Exactly. Is millions of people who have small businesses, who have a small micro account, but they're starting to make money and they're actually starting to

be able to stay at home with their kids and sell their products. That is who it's affecting even more, which is so horrible. So all around it would have been a major hit to the economy, to the social media world. It was a really big deal, I feel like, for that to go away. Definitely.

And obviously, yeah, so happy it's back, but Molly was also saying, she's like, yeah, yeah, blah, blah, I'm so happy it's back. And then she's saying the humiliation ritual thing. She's like, I damn near cried listening to, I don't want to be happy by Dixie D'Amelio. She's like, literally, she's like, literally, I was live. And then it started like kicking people out and like, it was like shutting down and that song was playing. I don't know if it was,

whatever. She said she was listening to it. She's like, I was literally on the verge of tears. And she's saying she's so embarrassed now. She's like, it was such a big deal. And it's like, I don't want to be happy. And she's like, I was on the verge of crying my eyes out. It's like, morning, the end of an era. Yes. But then it was just like, no, just kidding. It was such wild behavior. I can't even believe that night. I was so down bad. Nick and I were just Nick was so happy for his place. Like, my wife had a good night.

I'm not eating cereal, reading the back of the cereal box.

Nick looks around me. He's like, this is crazy. He's like, it's happening already. The changes are happening. He's like, look, you're reading the back of the cereal box. I was like, I know. What am I supposed to do with my hands? Read? Does it read at night? I know. I saw a Kindle. I'm like dust off the books. I know. You know what really was crazy? It was it was wild. I'm glad it's back now though. I am too. But it also was like it was kind of this thing where you're

I saw a few other comparisons. One person was like, this is like when you say goodbye to someone and then you realize you're walking this in the same direction. It's like, okay, this is actually not goodbye, I guess. And then what was Mada? She made a funny video about she was comparing it. Dang, I wish I could remember it cracked me up. But anyway, yeah, it was just it was just that thing of like, you're almost you've kind of accepted it. You're like, okay, this is going away.

What is my new life going to look like? Yeah. And then it's best to look with ours. Yeah. So then you're kind of, okay, I was genuinely getting to the headspace in that 12 hour span of like new things are coming. Like this first closing, new ones are opening. This is going to be such an amazing opportunity for everyone. It's going to be hard, but it's going to be, you know, great energy. Yeah. To like look in other directions. Yeah. And then when it came back, I kind of was a little like, but that was it. Yeah.

Give me a week or something. Yeah. Detox, not just 12 hours. Like that wasn't enough to really break us out. That's probably why they were like, wait, we can't give them too long, right? Cause then they might not come back. Yeah. Cause I was telling Nick, like, I don't know if they get rid of it for a month and then it comes back. Cause we were like, it'll come back in like a month or two. Yeah. It would be the same.

You're you're without it for a month you've kind of broken the habit it's going to take everybody like a little bit to jump back in one you might feel especially if you don't make a living from it you might be like wait i feel so much better not going on social media all the time that was when i deleted instagram yeah i was only going to like a month and i'm like.

I feel amazing. Why would I get it back? I feel like if I wasn't making money from TikTok and I went without it for a month, I'd be like, I'm doing great. Like, why would I? Yeah. This is my market back. Yeah. No, that was crazy. That was crazy behavior. I mean, glad it's back. More addicted than ever. Thank you. I'm so scared. I'm so scared that I almost lost you.

We'll see. We'll see what the future holds. Cause now who even knows what cause now people are like, Oh, it's only the 90 day extension. I'm like, whatever I have been. Yeah. Tossed and turned so much with this situation. I feel like it's never going away. Yeah. That's how it feels. Yeah. Who knows?

It's just so. It's too lucrative. Even for the people at the top, it's like, why would they do away with it? Well, I guess the whole, there's a lot of things, but censorship. Yeah, I just feel like it's such a huge, it's such a massive act. It's way bigger deal than Vine ever was when Vine went away. Obviously, that was like really, that even was crazy though. Just like was gone one day and it's like,

never coming back. This wasn't as developed. Like it hadn't... TikTok is so developed and now has its claws and everything, every part of life, every industry. Vine was like barely reaching the tip. Like it was just fun. And people were just starting to make money off of it. Like the top people. I feel like TikTok is something that really has changed a lot of people's lives.

I mean, for good or for worse, I guess, but it has, it's kind of like the early YouTube days where it's like if you blew up on YouTube, like that was a life-changing thing. And it's the same on TikTok. Like I know people personally where they did not have money or like a big career and then they blew up on TikTok and now they're like,

Yeah, or multi-millionaires within like two years. Like it's a huge shift. And again, changing people's lives on a smaller scale too. But yeah, that's a big deal. I know it is. So that will see what happens. I was crazy, glad it's back. Stay tuned for the, you know what we almost lost our beloved fan page.

I just, I just popped up two days before the band. On one hand, I was like, wow, this is so fun to see like little edits. We've never had that. Oh, my ego was.

through. Thank you to that fan page through the roof. I was like, wow, I texted Jason. Like, I think our podcast is good. Like, I think it's funny because the way they clipped it, because we, we clip our own podcast. Like, I'm like, we're the fan base. No, we clip our own podcast and we'll try and find, you know, little bits and pieces. This is really breaking the fourth wall here, but.

That while we do a lot better at that, by the way, we don't even go, we don't even put as much effort into that as we should. Yeah. But to see it from a different perspective is fun. Exactly. It's like, Oh, this is what other people, because I think I'm hilarious. I think we're hilarious. You know, like I laugh at our jokes 24 seven, but then to see what other people think is funny is funny to me. What I loved about it too, is it was like bringing our community together, like,

In a different, it wasn't people commenting on our, what we said thing. It was like a separate entity where people would comment, be like, oh, yeah, like we're all valley girls. I'm like, wait, this is so fun. Yeah. And where were you? And we trapped them. And yeah, now where were you? Yeah. And where were you three years ago? Actually, where were you one year ago when we started video? Yeah.

No, it was, I was like, wow, we're really about to lose our first ever fan page. This timing could not have been worse, but you know, TikTok's back. So we're good back and thriving. We're good. We'll take any and all edits as long as they paint us in a positive or just like, thank you so much, you guys. That really meant the world to us. Yeah, it was really great.

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What have you been up to? What are the vibes? How are you feeling? I'm feeling good. Oh, one thing I wanted to say near the beginning of this episode is first of all, thank you to everybody who was reaching out to me or like messaging me about me opening up about my anxiety last couple episodes. Just basically saying like you're not alone. I feel the same way. And

While you know that you're not alone, it always feels good to hear it from a direct source. You're not alone in this. And something that has helped me. I do feel as though I've been feeling much better day by day. Stepping stones is not just one day I wake up and I'm

anxiety free. Yeah, but it has progressively gotten better and I was saying how my mom and Abby have been like great resources because they have gone through this before like very similar obviously we're family and like so you know.

They, we share genetics and we share, you know, some of the things they struggle with is very close to things that I struggle with. So my mom shared with me this book. It's called Dare and it's by Barry. I don't know how to say his last name. It's like McDonough. I don't know.

but it's there it's called there like ending anxiety basically you can look it up on amazon they have a workbook i posted about my story i'll post it again and it has helped so much it's like like prompts or what yes i was getting to the point where i'm just like i don't even know what to do like it's past the point of like just go on a walk like this is that will help like just do this that will help and she's like no like i'm so

filled with anxiety and just like this feeling that I'm now wanting to just like stay in bed and just like be it just like is so overwhelming and I was just like I do not see a way out of this like that requires like just do affirmation in the morning yeah something so this workbook I was even my mom said to me she's like do this I swear it helps and I was just like

Another thing is another thing to do. But it has helped so much. It's basically about how you, when you have anxiety, you want it so badly to leave. Like you're fighting it so bad. Just like get out. You're scared of your anxiety. And it was saying how when you fear anxiety, it makes it stronger. So basically bringing your anxiety with you and accepting it. And it goes through ways to do that, obviously, better than I can explain right now.

And it's been so helpful. So definitely look into that. I know there's an app. People, I post it on my screen. People like the app is amazing. It's so helpful. I haven't gotten the app yet, but it's basically like disengaging. It's like, there is a acronym like disengage. I can't even allow.

What's the next letter R? Yeah, run towards and then engage. So it's like all these different steps to kind of help you just like live with your anxiety. And by doing that, it ends anxiety. So like it makes it go away. And I really, like I can testify. I feel like it really helps. Obviously, again, doesn't like make it go away forever, but it just makes it so much more manageable. Yes, I feel like I've been more so

Just having the same like what ifs and anxiety and just like this feeling where it's like starting to manifest like physically where I'm just like oh I'm starting to like get the tight chest and like the heart palpitations and I'm just like oh my gosh like no and then I get so scared of it and then it's just like this spiral.

And as soon as it starts, I can kind of use what I've learned in the workbook and things and just be like, OK, I can take this with me. I can have this, but I can keep going about my life. I'm just going to choose. I kind of just tell myself in my head, I'm just going to choose.

This anxiety, okay, you're annoying, but you can come with me. Tag along. I'm still gonna get up and do my things, and if you're there, that's fine. If I'm so anxious and I'm having this fear, that's fine, but I'm still gonna go about my life and accept that my anxiety is just gonna come with me, and it's weird because then it makes the anxiety go away. It's been very helpful, and I've been seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. This has been so much better. I feel like it was a factor in your day to day, what's the word? Not routines, but tasks and stuff.

Yeah, I mean, I was still like...

I have, as a mom, I feel like you just literally have to keep going. Like impossible to not. Yeah. But also I have a very, very helpful husband who sometimes I'm like, now you're enabling me to like be overly helpful where I'm like, sometimes I need to just like get up and do it and feel like I have to, where it's not like, I'll do it. Don't worry about it. I'm like, especially when I'm feeling anxious. Like I need to feel like I need to just get up and do it. Like he'll be like, oh, I'll take the kids. Like I'll do this. I'll do this. Like I'll clean this, whatever.

Yeah. And which is obviously so helpful and stuff. But sometimes I'm like, I need to just get up and get it done. But with work stuff, certain things that I'm just like, okay, I have to do this. And with Ella, it's like I'm still breastfeeding. So there's lots of things that I still just like have to do. But definitely one for a couple of weeks there, I was like really having a hard time, like where I was not for a while, it was like,

No emotions like at all where I just like I was telling like I haven't cried I haven't like I'm just like I feel nothing and then it turned to like anxiety We're just like I'm crying all the time and so it's just like an up and down of just like okay Something's not a stable here like I don't want to never cry but I don't want to always cry I just want to feel more balanced what I'm supposed to be feeling yeah

And just like do and be. So it definitely was like affecting me and like I literally would just want to like sleep and like just when you also haven't been feeling that great with all your stuff. So I don't know if that's intertwined, but I'm sure when you're also not feeling good physically. Because if you're having allergies or cold or anything, it's like.

Yeah. Yeah. That makes it even extra more. It's like, why would I get up and go work out and go on a run? Like, I don't know. Yes. No. Then I'll do this. It all gets intertwined. It's just like two. So yeah, I see you anxious girls. I see you. It's rough, but I do when I was feeling like so anxious because it was kind of like it got to a point.

where it was like over Christmas break pretty much. Like I got to a point and whether it was stress or whatever, I'm kind of like not. I'm just like done trying to even figure out what it is. I'm just like whatever.

It got to it like I had one really bad night like where I was just like up all night and I had like the worst anxiety the worst like intrusive thoughts is like the worst like episode I've ever had like that I can remember again. I'm sure I've had bad nights before but in recent history like I was like that was so scary and just like dark and whatever and I couldn't sleep and I was just like having insomnia and it was just like oh my gosh my mind is just like going crazy.

Then I feel like from there, that put me into a hole and then I had to climb myself out of it. The last month, it was just like, okay, each week's getting a little better where I'm further away from remembering how I felt that night and then coming out of it, if that makes sense.

Yeah, anyways, I think that I'm good. I'm glad that workbook is helping. And I feel like it is really good to accept things as best you can. Or it's like you always taught me what you resist persists. Yeah, exactly. And I do believe that. I feel like when you try so hard to get rid of something, I always felt like that when I was going through infertility. Like the more I'm just like, this is not good. Like the more I would just push against, like this shouldn't be happening. Like I should just be able to get pregnant. What is going on?

And the more I just accepted what the truth was of that moment, it was a little bit easier to manage. It's like, okay, this is my current reality. The more I'm like, this should not be what's happening. It's like, the more I'm resisting this reality, the more uncomfortable and unhappy I am, the more I accept this is my current situation. At least it's a little bit more manageable where you're just like,

I don't know. Yeah. That's the only way I can. I do relate to what you're saying in that way, where it's like, just the more you focus on something and resist it so hard. Yeah. You almost think that by accepting something, you're, you're allowing it to win. Yeah. Yeah. Like, oh, you know, I just have to accept this is the way it is. But it's like, when you accept it, you actually have more motivation to move forward, I think. Yes. Because you're like, well, I, it's almost an excuse when you have that thing, like,

that you're resisting against. That's where all of your energy is going. You are like, at least for me, it's like I'm just like not doing, I'm not showering as much. I'm not taking care of myself as much. I'm not working out as much. I'm not like making my bed in the morning. I'm not doing my laundry. Like I'm just letting things slip because I'm just like so, so mentally just my brain is so focused on something else. Yeah.

You don't have as much mental space to do things that you actually want to do. Yes. And once I finally was like, OK, I'm going to have to just do my laundry with anxiety. Like, I'm just going to have to bring anxiety with me to do laundry. And if I have these thoughts, like, whatever, like, literally in my villain arc, whatever, just literally being like, OK, and who cares? You know, like, I've literally just been saying that to my anxiety is like,

These what ifs will come up. She's like oh my gosh like this horrible feeling and I'm just like and who cares literally like I'm just gonna live my life And if you want to come along for the ride, that's fine, but I'm also just gonna like stay here like I don't need to worry about The future and what if like let's just stay here like we'll worry about that when it comes like let's just stay here for now

That's a valid thought, but like, let's stay here. Like what's actually happening right now. Yeah. It's like, Oh, my laundry. Just normal daily tasks. Yeah. It is really, really hard to function when you're having just intrusive, scary thoughts and what ifs. I always try to remind myself, if I do have like a thought of just like, is this a what if or is this

an intuition truth and pretty much always. I'm like, this is a what if. Like, if I do have a thought, like, oh my gosh, this could happen. And then I think like, was that a what if thought or was that a, you know what I mean? Yes. That sometimes helps me to be like, no, that literally was a what if like that's that was my thought process. What if this would.

where to happen. That's not reality. I don't know. It's, it's extremely hard. I'm not pretending to know literally one single thing. No, but it is hard. It's like, you want to follow your intuition, but when you have anxiety, you're just like, but is this my intuition? Is this doom feeling like real? Like, is this telling me something? And I always been, I have been telling myself, like, okay, even if that were to happen right now,

then you need to lock in. Then the what ifs aren't even, what are you doing wasting your time with that? If this is a huge emergency, if this is something like super serious, then you worrying about it and feeling like, I'm scared.

then be brave. Like then you need to even more than just if you're having a normal day. Like you need to lock in and just and be brave and be resilient and just big. And I will do it scared. So I've just been trying. I've been really, it's funny because I've been talking about resilience. I've been like on the podcast weeks later, like the last couple of months just mentioning it here and there. But when I was having anxiety, I was really just like, what was making me feel so anxious and almost digging me into a deeper hole is like,

I just want to feel happy. I just want, well, I ever feel happy again. I just want to feel lighthearted and happy and have fun. I was just wanting it to be like, I just want everything to be good all the time. And I think my brain just knows that's not true. I'm just like, you can't. That's not real in reality. Yeah, it's like why you want that. That's just not how it's going to happen. But then the other part of me would be like, but I want it to be that way. I want it to be fun and lighthearted and perfect and everything's great all the time. And then we just like, okay.

You gotta like all that idea that it's gonna be like that. And you can still have an enjoyable life, but happiness should not be.

my number one goal in life in terms of attributes. Happiness is something to look for and seek in terms of experiences and things like that and love. But as the number one attribute that I should have, resilience should be my number one, like attribute or bravery. Because that's life. You can't just not everything. So when something unhappy happens or when something sad happens, that will really set you off and to just

I thought it was to be happy all the time. It's like, that's never a promise and that never will be. It's never 100% attainable to always be happy. So to rely on that as like something that, but what I can have all the time is bravery, is like resilience is like, okay, I'm just going to keep doing anyways. Yeah. And that's what I write in a parenting book. So love that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, it's hard out here. It is. And I feel like even just what you shared, like everyone, I feel like can relate to that in some on some level, whether it is anxiety or something else that struggle with. It's like life is just not smooth sailing at all. But it does just make you going. It does for me at least. I'm like, when I have happy, light-hearted moments,

I just want to soak them in and be as present as possible because not to be like, because I know they won't last, but it's like, I just know life goes in waves. And so if I am feeling very happy or like thriving in some area of my life, like, I'm going to just ride that wave and be like, cool. This is my current reality. I'm super happy with that. Yes. We'll see what tomorrow brings, but today I'm feeling good. Yeah. And I think that's the key. That's even just if you

I think when I'm so attached to happiness and perfection, it's like the fear of it ending is on the forefront of my mind. Whereas when I just accept that things will be happy, but I can enjoy the journey of life and I can feel like content with confidence and feeling like I overcome something like think feelings like that. If I'm just like, that is what I.

like want out of life is like the journey of it and, you know, being resilient or whatever. Then I'm not worried about the future. Like, I'm just like, I don't have to try and figure out my brain how I'm always going to be happy and perfect and great and wonderful and everything's going to be rainbows and butterflies. Like, then I can actually soak up. It's funny because I can actually soak up the amazing happy times more because I'm not like, when will this end? Yeah, exactly. Well, that's not really thinking about that. Yeah. I'm just like, Oh, this is great. I'm loving this right now. Yeah.

totally. So anyways, love that. Glad you're feeling a little bit lighter. Yeah. I'm seeing the, I'm definitely having a lot of better days. Yeah. So good. Yeah. Something about me is I am back in my skincare era. I don't know if it's because I'm getting older, but

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Because you won't give me crumbs. I did give you crumbs for the other night. I couldn't help it. But yeah, so I went on my trip. I talked about it a little bit last week about how I went to Miyamo in Sedona. It's a like resort spa place and.

It is right next to enchantment resort, which I think is pretty popular. Like I've heard of that before and me on though is just it's like on the same property. Actually, it just has 20, I think, casinos, like rooms. So it's a little bit smaller and.

Anyway, I don't know all the info about the differences of the resorts, but it is like a different entity anyway. So yeah, I went to Sedona. This was a true solo solo solo trip because I flew alone, obviously.

I rented a car alone. I drove to Sedona alone. I stayed there alone and did the whole thing back. So I did stay at my parents the night I went to Phoenix and stayed the night with them at my parents house. And then I drove. So I was with them for a second. But other than that, I was just solo the whole time. And at this place, you can do. So I did a two night journey is basically what they call it because

essentially i think normally you have to stay three nights or something but on certain days i don't know the all the info but basically i was able to stay two nights i think during certain times of the year maybe the week you are allowed to like if you check in not over a weekend or something so anyway i just want for two nights

And how it works is you, there's basically this menu, like a spa menu and activity menu, just a menu of all the different things that you can do while you're there. And there's tons of different stuff. And when you book this trip and you say how many nights you want to be there and everything, they set you up with someone to create an itinerary specifically to you. So you kind of tell them your intentions for the trip.

certain things that are sticking out to you on the menu. Like, okay, I definitely want to get a massage. I definitely want to do this or that. And then they create an itinerary for you and then you work together to edit it. So you can say, okay, yes, great. I want to do that massage, but I don't really want to do that meditation thing. I want to do this instead, whatever. So you can just create it and make it completely personal to you. When I tell you the serotonin that was going through my body when I read my itinerary and just like edited it to perfection and made it what I wanted it to be.

I was just beaming. Like, I was so excited to go and do this. So I wrote down. Yeah, I need everything. I was like, first and foremost, just being absolutely alone for that long. Like what was the experience where you like, I'm getting bored, where you like, I haven't heard my own thoughts and gears. Like, what was the overall takeaway? The overall takeaway was that I felt

I felt really good being alone. I felt like it was necessary, important. I felt really connected to myself. Kind of that where I felt like I hadn't felt my own heard truly my own thoughts and just like been alone in so long. Because anytime I've ever

Even if I do leave life for a trip or something, I'm going with a girlfriend or something. Or if I've only left Benny one other time for like one night, or maybe it was two nights. And same thing, it was like for a work trip thing. And I'm never alone when I do that. So.

between, throughout my entire marriage, I've never gone on a trip alone. Like it's always with life or with girlfriends or with my mom or with my family, whatever. So yeah, it just felt, it did feel different. And it honestly,

kind of reconnected me. I feel like with, again, kind of my 18 year old self, where I was just like, I was feeling very in the creative flow of just like, it was just kind of like we had talked about last week. Like this is my identity. Like I'm not a wife or I'm not just a mother. I am not just these things. Like I am JC. I am myself. I'm not just Kendall Jenner's mute. It's like I'm more than that. I'm so much more, even though TikTok doesn't get it.

But you know what I mean? Like it just was kind of this realization of like, what are my desires? What are my dreams? What are my thoughts? Even when I was driving to Sedona, I

I had the urge to listen to like kind of not like kind of throwback music like basically I found this titled or this playlist. That's the word I'm looking for. This playlist on Spotify called I think was called like Bad Bitch playlist or something. And I put it on shuffle and I started listening to that on the drive up to Sedona because it was two hours long. And I had the thought of just how

the duality of what I was doing. Like I'm alone and I'm going to like a spa retreat to literally find myself, find Jesus, find the universe, find something. And I'm listening to like rap. Yeah. And that kind of, I don't mean to get so deep with that, but like my kind of takeaway from this trip was like duality in everything. Like I'm allowed to do that. And I was thinking, if I was with someone else,

I might not listen to this playlist cause I'd be like, oh, that's not really the vibe of the trip. Like if I was with even girlfriends, I'd, I might be like, oh, let's listen to like some soft music to like get us ready for, you know, just because I think like that's what I should do. But I was just like, but that's not what I want to do. Like I'm going to do whatever I want to do on this trip. And so that's like a silly little example of something that, yeah, that makes sense. It was just being like, just, just reminding me that yeah, I'm my own person and I can just do whatever I want. I have free will.

That's, that's, that's actually what I realized on this trip is that I have free will. Yeah. To do whatever I want. So yeah, it was a really good experience being alone. I think it's super necessary and it's a really good reminder to just tap into who you are, who you've always been, who you want to be without any noise at all, quite literally.

just in Sedona in general it's such a peaceful grounding energy there and at the resort it's so quiet it's just very silent like you go outside and it's just like nature sounds like birds chirping and just like very quiet peaceful energy and so I truly while I was there

I also was trying to go into this trip not expecting to like have all these epiphanies because I'm like, okay, I don't want to go into this being like, this is going to be the most life changing crazy experience of my life. And then I leave and I'm like, okay, that was fun. But you know what I mean? So I was trying not to also put too many expectations on.

All of it in general, be open to whatever it is. Yes. But one thing I was like, I really don't want to be on my phone a lot. Like I want to detox. That is a boundary that I'm setting for myself. But truly while I was there, I didn't even want to be on my phone. Like that was what was kind of nice is I was like, this phone is literally

disgusting to me right now like I don't why would I want to when I'm in this gorgeous place and I'm like feeling so peaceful why would I want my phone in my face like roll your mind yes it just didn't fit

the energy of when I was there. So it was really nice. Cause I also kind of detox from my phone for a few days deleted Instagram, you know, the drill. So anyway, I, the first day that I got there, I had a massage, a full body massage, 60 minutes, Swedish massage. I fell asleep during it. It was just so, it was so good. One of the best massage I've ever had. So nice. So good. After the massage, it was so peaceful.

also everyone that works there were the nicest people i've ever met my life they were so nurturing and warm and just kind and i could tell all of them were so passionate about what they did all of them are women that i worked with and that like massage me and all that stuff. And they were all a little bit older too which i kind of love because i was just felt like i was getting this.

wisdom from the entire time. So then I had lunch, which was this like tuna poke on crispy rice. I literally wrote down every detail, a caprici salad and a fresh pressed juice. Amazing. It was so good. The food there was so amazing. And I feel like when something sometimes when something's all inclusive, I'm like, okay, it's not going to be good. It's not going to be good if it's all inclusive. But in this case, so it's

The in whatever package thing that I bought, you get three meals and like as much juice and stuff as you want every day. So the food is all free, essentially. And you could just like order whatever you want.

But the food was so insanely good and just so nourishing and fresh. And I never once ate and was like, oh, my stomach hurts. It just was like, this is clean pure food and it's so flavorful and so good. They have these chefs. They're getting it from good places. It just was so good. And the fresh juices were just the best combination, like prickly pear and lime and orange. And I was just like,

It was so good. I truly, when I was leaving, I'm like, what am I going to do without my fresh pressed juice? Yeah, twice a day. It was so, so nice, magical. So I had lunch and every lunch that I would go to, I would either you can get it like to your room and you can just be in your room or you can be out in the facilities in different places. It was so nice because there's not a bunch of people there. So you kind of feel meditative and alone the whole time, even if there are people around.

And I found myself actually when I was going to go there, I was like, oh, I'll probably just want to be in my room. Like, I just want to be alone. But when I was there, it just felt so calm and peaceful that I liked being just like at the little restaurant that they have, because they cut whatever you can still like see the views of everything. And it's just a little bit more like, I don't know. Yeah, serene and expansive. So I would eat and I would read on my Kindle.

like while I was waiting for my food and after and stuff, I would just like be in my robe, literally lived in my robe the whole time. Yeah. So after lunch, I went and showered off my body because I had like massage oil on me and then I got an energy clearing done.

This was something, you know, I was getting into my woo woo era. Okay. Another thing about this trip is that I went with very much the mindset of like, again, I'm not trying to figure anything out. There's nothing that I'm going like, okay, what's going to be my new belief system is just like, I'm just open to whatever

Happens on this trip and however I feel whenever I resonate, I will take if I don't resonate, I will leave it like I don't there's no Enjoy it is yes, so I had an energy clearing and this This lady was so just again very warm and inviting and immediately I just got good energy. No one is handed So it can mean different things, but like what are they doing physically to you?

Well, again, it can be either physical or just like a mental thing. And she had asked me like, she was kind of just telling me like energy is stored in our body and.

Sometimes we just feel ready for different energy and we wanna like clear it out of our space and out of our mind. She was asking me if I feel it more physically in my body or mentally. And I told her more mental. Like I feel like the things that torment me at all are, it's like my mindset or just mentally things get trapped in there is how I feel. But I was saying like physically I do feel it a little bit just in my chest room. Just like, oh, if I think about stressful things like I'll get kind of tense in that area. So anyway,

She walked me through a visualization kind of meditation thing. And basically what I loved about this approach is she so she had me write down.

like three words that describe the energy that I want to release in my life. And so I had written down a few words. Like one of them was patterns. I'm like, I want to release like certain thought patterns that I just have had for so long that feel like stagnant to me. I think I'd written down like stagnant and negative to just like any kind of negative stagnant patterns in my life. Like that's what I'm trying to release myself of. And then she had me basically write a little note of

Kind of like thinking that energy because she was saying from her perspective, she believes that energy comes into our life to teach us something. And so if we're feeling ready for new energy, that likely means that we've learned the lesson that we needed to learn from this energy entering our life. So if we feel like we have negative stagnant, whatever trap energy in us, and we're like, I just don't want to feel this way anymore. We've gotten to a point.

where we're ready to release it. So she kind of had me write down like just she's like literally just write down whatever you want. I'm not going to read it or anything. Just maybe like thanking this energy for entering your life, saying what you learned from it and like that you're ready to release it. I liked that perspective because

The other, the other thing she had me do is like write down three things that you want, three types of energy you want to invite in because when you release energy, you now have space for new energy. And again, whether this is real or not in the sense of like physically, I don't know, but I think for me, it was really nice to mentally imagine.

this negative energy leaving me leaving space in my body and my head in my heart for new fresh energy to enter. And I just liked that visualization. So she kind of walked me through basically like getting rid of that energy like it wasn't anything crazy. It was just like, okay, imagine you're walking through a meadow and you.

you see the energy she was also saying like what does that energy look like to you what does it feel like and like imagine it and then basically imagine it like the earth like sucking it up and then like these flowers growing it was just a really nice visualization practice.

And afterwards, she was like, okay, like, tell me what you think or whatever. And I was like, well, number one, when I was visualizing all the nature, it was like telling me or just reminding me that I need to get out in nature more because I was telling her. I can't picture it. No, no, no, I was saying, I'm like, she was kind of laughing because I was like,

I had the thought of like, oh my gosh, this feels so good to be in nature. And it's literally in my mind. So I was like, I can't imagine how good I would actually feel to be in nature. She like started laughing. I was like, I'm dead serious. Like, I just need to get outside more.

And so funny. So that's like a random thing that I was thinking. But anyway, it just felt really good to invite fresh new energy into my life. Again, whether that's so sorry at the very end, she gave me like a little massage in the like areas that I said, whatever. So she just kind of like.

gave me like a body massage. That sounds like you do it to me. I'm like here, I'm an energy worker. That sounds so nice. Like when they talk, like if they're talking about like what they're doing to, I feel like when massage, even when you're just getting a regular massage and they're like, Oh, there's a lot of stress up here. And like I'm working out this knot. It's like, if they are not like, Oh, yeah, you are, you are. Yeah, exactly. It's a mindset. And that's kind of where I've been with

beliefs like just in general these days is like, I don't know, I just think our minds are so powerful. So whether or not like I was recently watching this video and this girl was sharing some stuff like a testimony, she's Christian and she was sharing like how she feels about just Jesus and like her belief system. And I fully was like, I totally believe that for her. Like I totally understand what she's saying and how she feels about how like,

You know, like that belief system because it is a mindset, like whatever you attribute your, when you feel like your suffering is dissipating, whatever you attribute to that, I totally, do you know what I'm trying to say? Like whether you're thinking like, okay, it was because of that energy clearing I got and I'm feeling so much lighter and brighter or whether you prayed and you felt lighter after it's like, whatever you did, you feel that way because of your mindset and like what you were attributing to helping you. And so I think whatever does that for you.

That is your reality. And so for some people that might be a religion, for some people that might be like yoga or spiritual practices where they're like, I just feel so much better after I do this. And so that's kind of what I was the whole weekend. I'm just like, that's my vibe is like, if it makes me feel better and it helps me connect to myself deeper and I feel happier. Awesome. Yeah. If it doesn't, okay, I'll try something else. Yeah.

Yeah, that was super nice. And I loved that. She was just really kind and sweet. So that was really nice. Then I went in the sauna and the steam room. Then I came back to my room and I did an everything shower. And then I got room service dinner and I got a pasta, like a veggie pasta. I got a salad with lemon and a creme brulee with fresh honeycomb. Wow. That was amazing. Really delicious. The fresh lemon, like a lemon salad. I love a lemon salad.

It just hits. And then at the end of the day, so the whole time I was reading this book, the creative act, which is such a good book. And I highly recommend it for literally anyone, honestly, because everyone is creative. I think I've mentioned that a few months ago, I was like, Oh, I'm going to start reading this book. And I had like read little bits and pieces, but I like really was reading it on my Kindle on that whole trip. And it was the perfect book to be reading because that's kind of been something that I've been trying to reconnect with for a while. It's just like my creativity and just

not doing things because I showed her because it's a job, but like truly creating from a place of I want to do this. I'm drawn towards this. I don't want to do whatever it is. And so that night I journaled a lot about my experience with like the energy clearing and stuff. And then I read that book more, which was super nice. And then.

Gosh, I have so much more. I'm like, wow, I need to shut up. I'm eating it up. Let me tell you something that I learned from the creative act of the book that I think is such. I just love this so much. Basically, they're talking about in the book how you

You know, certain things like a book, for instance, you're like, okay, a book is normally around this many pages. It's separated into chapters. The chapters all have a title. Like that's what a book is, right? A feature film, a movie, it's usually around 90 to 120 minutes. It usually has three acts. It's whatever. There's certain things about a movie.

And it's just like, oh, that's what a movie is. And he was basically saying that, you know, if you wanted to get into painting, you're likely going to get a rectangular piece of canvas and put it on a thing, you're going to put it on an easel and you're going to start painting. But you've already put yourself in a box.

Like, you've already hindered yourself because you're putting rules on what painting is. Like, you can paint anything. You can use anything. You can, do you know what I mean? But it's like, you have in your mind, like, this is what painting is, is sitting down with an easel, like,

And he was talking about how we get so like pigeonholed as artists and just as people of like, this is what we do. And I was like, let's watch a YouTube tutorial on how to do this creative thing. Yes, instead of just doing it your own way. And I was really thinking about that with myself and just like even I was taking my vlogs into consideration. And I was thinking like, yeah, that is how I think of it. It's like, okay, my vlogs are around 30 minutes.

I start with an intro and it has a title. And then I go into like, Hey guys, welcome back to my YouTube channel. And I end with like, okay, make sure you're subscribed. And it just like was this weird realization to me because he was saying like, then we get stuck in that and we think that's who we are as an artist. It's like, this is what I do. This is my formula.

And he was just basically saying like the more you put rules on something in like a formula, it's like the more you get stuck and you don't just do your thing basically. That was very eye opening to me and a really good reminder to also like just do my thing. Like my YouTube videos don't have to be 30 minutes. They don't have to have an intro. Yeah, I can do whatever I want and make a video about whatever I want. It doesn't have to be a week in my life.

Yeah. Like why do I think that that is what a YouTube video is? Do you know what I mean? I don't know. That for me was kind of like a, it was a good realization that I had while I was on that trip. Just in general where I'm like, there are so many things that I just do because I've done it for a long time and I don't need to be doing it. It's just, it's not really even being super creative because it's just like a formula. I don't know. It's easier to probably feel burnt out too when you're just doing it over and over and over again.

Exactly. The second day I had breakfast in my room, delicious. I did a private reformer Pilates class, so it's just me and the instructor Jan. Okay. When Jan approached, she was an older lady and I was kind of like, okay, so you're anxious. Yeah, basically. Yes. I was just like, this is going to be easy and like, she's probably not going to like, you know, push me.

Jan put me to work. Okay. She put me to work, mama. She did not go easy on me, but she also was super nice. Again, it had great energy. But from the start, she was just so knowledgeable about Pilates, about like hips and where everything should be about form. That's so nice. She asked me if I had been a dancer. And I was like, yeah, she's like, oh, it shows. And she's like, I'm actually an ex-professional dancer. Like she danced for a lot of her life. And she's been doing Pilates for 30 or 40 years and

She just knew so much and she was giving me little tips. Like at the very end, she was like, if I could give you one, because I told her I turned 30, I have a baby, whatever. Yeah. And she was like, if I could give you one piece of advice that I wish that someone would have told me it was to not.

stand with like my hip, like hold my baby on my hip all the time and like stand always with basically like your weight on one side. She's like, try as hard as you can just when you're standing. She's like, of course, when you have a baby, you're going to do that. But to stand firmly on both feet. And I was like, what a good little piece of wisdom from Jan. And you know who else told me that who when I was

Probably 19. I had a male worker at a gym come up to me and man's playing that to me. And the delivery was not as. It didn't quite the same. No, has like an older wiser woman. He was like, why are you always popping your hips out like this? Because I was like standing like, yeah, how women do. Yes. And he's like, why are you always like, he came up to me out of nowhere? Like, I was like, why are you always putting your hips out? You're going to ruin your hips. Like you need to stand straight, like try standing straight.

Yeah, that one. And I was like, and I'll sit in my head. Exactly. I was going to say out of spite, I would have sat in my head for the rest of my life. I don't care what damage it does to me. But I actually have always thought that like, and I've heard that about holding babies like on your hip, but you need to be switching hips all the time. So that is a good reminder though.

Yeah, she was like, I basically, she's like, that's my one tip, but she just taught me a lot about form. And honestly, just in general, all these women who I had an older woman that did my facial and she knew so much about skin and all this stuff. And she.

I was just like, I love getting wisdom from older people and it was also so refreshing because all of them are so passionate about what they do and they're like in their 60s. Yeah. And they're just like, they love they've been doing, you know, energy work or plotties or being an esthetician for like 30 years or more.

And they all just loved it. Like each individually would be like, this is my passion in life. Like I just love, love, love it. And I'm like, that is so, it's so nice to know that life doesn't just end and that you can still have passions. Like for me, I was just thinking it 30 years from now, I'm going to live a whole other lifetime. And I hope that I still have things that I, you know, wisdom that I've gained up and new hobbies and passions. It just, it was like refreshing to see for sure. I love that.

That sounds so amazing. I'm so glad you did that for your birthday. I feel like, especially for this birthday, like into a new 30 really just does feel like it's was the right word. Like old, no. Ancient. Yeah. No, just so like those. There's a shift. Yes. It really does more than 20. You're not even think you're so aware at 30 of time of

Life experiences of just how the world works way more than when you turn 20 years like, yeah, I'm not a teenager anymore, but I feel like this new you're just like, okay, I'm setting myself up for the rest of my life. Yeah.

Yeah, so what a great way. I have felt a shift for sure. I'm not even kidding. I know I've been 30 for two seconds. I'm not trying to be like, I'm so wise and I'm a wise sage now, but I do feel just this shift already where I'm like, this is a new chapter. This is a new decade of my life. And like, I'm just done with the, I don't know. There's a lot of things that I feel like I'm leaving behind mentally and not even cause I'm trying to. I just feel them dissipating from me, quite literally. After that, I took a nap.

That's amazing. And then I did an astrology reading, which I'm not going to get too deep into because I feel like it was like very, it's very personal to me and like specific to me. But this woman also had, she's like, I have been obsessed with astrology since I was 10. She said she would look up books. She would just like books and any type of content she could get her hands on from a very young age about astrology.

And so yeah, she's an astrologist and she basically read me my whole chart and went through like, did this very every detail of it. It was 90 minutes or 80 minutes, maybe. And she just gave me every detail about that's crazy. Everything in my chart. And I will say like it was crazy how spot on she was about a lot of things without knowing me, without knowing what I did for work.

And yeah, it was really cool. Yeah. I'm like, I don't even know what to really share about that. Does she do future stuff too? Or she just kind of talks about like your personality. Like, is she talking about like timeline? Because I know sometimes a little bit of timeline. This year of your life, like, is when this start, like, did you do that kind of kind of timeline issue?

It was more just like how I am and like my gifts and my purpose, my purpose in the world and like just my childhood to now kind of. And then she was saying like you're progressed. What is it called? It was like something that was kind of like now in the future. Like it was like, and now this is how you are. This is how you were. This is how you were. And this is kind of how you are now. And so I love that stuff. Yeah, it was just all. It was cool. And she was very woo woo and very like.

Do you believe in past lives? And I was like...

maybe like I'm open to it. I don't know if I believe in that. And she was like, okay. And she is so, it was just, I loved talking to her because she was just like, life is a mirror. Like we mirror things, people mirror things back to us. Like she just, it was a cool perspective shift, I guess of like, okay, this is an interesting way to look at the world. But again, I am open to, is that my religion? No, but I'm like open to hearing what you think. And you've literally studied this for the past 30 years, you know? So it was cool.

I love that. So yeah, she read me every detail, literally, quite literally every detail of my chart.

And that was really fun. Then again, I did lunch reading on my Kindle. Then I did a little solo hike slash walk, which I didn't know if I would want to do, but in the moment the weather was really nice that day and it's like right next to the resort. There's just a little trail. It's not like I like went off on this crazy hike at night or something alone. It was broad daylight and it was basically at the resort. There was a trail. So I did that and I just walked through the desert. It was so quiet. It was so peaceful. And I brought my film camera and I just like took some photos of kind of

The desert and that was also fun because that is literally my roots like yeah, that is From the time I was 14 like I have been doing stuff like that and I always before I moved to California Ironically, I moved to California to get away from the desert because I was over it. I just taken so many photos in the desert and Now I find myself missing it a lot the desert just the vibes the energy like

I think the desert is so cool and so beautiful and I love the tones and I can't help but think like my Jason Marie presets and stuff. They're inspired by desert tones. Like that has always been my vibe is like pinks and oranges and like I still love that vibe. Yes. And I even green and tan like that is my vibe and when it comes back to it, it's the desert. Like those are the colors that I'm drawn to.

And so, and that's kind of how even my house is, like still to this day, I try and fight it sometimes. Like I have in the past been like, okay, I don't need another pink pot, like light or like orangeish thing or dark green. But I just can't deny that that's like what I'm drawn to so much. And so yeah, it was fun. I just took my film camera, I took some photos of like cactus and rocks and like, you know, Sedona is very like pinkish and orange. It's just so pretty.

So that was really fun. I did that. And then I did a sound bath, then I relaxed in the relaxation room, which is just like this beautiful desert view. And I would just like go in there, they have blankets and you could just like lay there and read and stuff on these like nice chairs. So nice. And I have like tea and water and cut up fresh fruit and like nuts and stuff. And you can just like have a snack or go get whatever it was so nice. And then I got a facial by this wonderful

lady again who was so knowledgeable about skin and she was super nice and it was just like when I got done it was literally I had the smoothest softest skin and she used great products and I loved all of that and then I had dinner and I did that in my room and then again I journaled and I read more of my book and that was pretty much it because the third day all I did was get my stuff packed up I got like oatmeal and a fresh juice again and then I just headed back to Phoenix and then I went I had my flight

So I left pretty early in the morning. So that's basically what my trip was. Yeah. I love that. It was so amazing, truly like one of the best experiences that I've ever had. Best gift you could give yourself, for sure. Yes. And I'm so glad I did it. When it was leading up to it, I'm like, going alone. It's not that I was scared. I was just like,

I'm spending all this money and I'm literally alone. Like there's no, I'm not sharing this experience with anyone. I just felt a little like, okay, not did I make a mistake, but I'm like, is this going to be worth it? And it 100% was. It was amazing. I mean, I told late if I want to go back there with him. I want to go back there with every person in my life.

It was really nice to do for my 30th. I think it also proved to myself that I am an individual. I am independent. I've always had this type of spirit, and I'm just like, it was fun to reconnect with it. Definitely. Give it some space. Yeah. So there's the full breakdown of my trip. Sounds amazing. I'll be booking at there tomorrow. Literally. Oh, actually, I'm going to be working there.

You're like, actually, I cut the pockets. This is our last episode. I'm catching at me. No, it was so nice. Sedona is just so beautiful. Yeah. Like I had actually shockingly never stayed there. Spent the night in Sedona. I've only driven up there, taken photos and stuff, but I've never actually stayed there. So it was really nice. Have you ever stayed there like in a hotel? Nick took me there for Valentine's Day a long time ago. Okay. Just like on a random surprise trip.

And I had never been there, but I never stayed there either. But there's just like something about the the people there and like the energy there. We were just like walking around the town, which like it's so cool here. Yeah, we really feel like we're in a different world. It's kind of healing and like very, no, I don't even know if I'd say like woo, woo, but kind of. Yeah. It's just like this very.

healing, magical, peaceful place. Yes. It was the perfect. Yeah. You feel like you're on Mars. Like it's literally just like everything around to the beautiful red mountains or whatever they're called.

Yeah, the red rock. Yeah. No, it was so nice. And as much as I wish that I was getting paid to talk about all this, I definitely not. But me, Elmo, if you want us to come and do a retreat there, we will come back anytime. Now, everyone there is so amazing. So nice and so sweet. Like, they also, because it's a small resort in place, they just like know your name and they're super personable and you see the same people every day. So it's like,

the, you know, lady who's working at the like breakfast restaurant, like, hi, JC, how are you? Like it's very, it feels very personal. Yeah, that's amazing. Which is really fun. Yeah. So yeah, there's, that's the tea. I love that. I had a great time. I'm really glad I went. Yeah. So overall, number one takeaway, if you had to say, wait, I've literally brought you my takeaways. So please hold.

Okay, two things that I think are, I mean, I've already kind of touched on, but just that life is full of duality. And like, just every person is so complex. And we have very contradicting thoughts and belief patterns and like everything about everyone, there's so much duality. Like, I just kept thinking about that because

Again, I think like growing up on the internet and all these things, sometimes I just put myself in a box of like, Oh, I am this person. I like to do this. I like to be this way. And it's just there's so much to everyone. And I kept thinking about that, like even just the concept of like, Oh, I do these things because I think I should constantly. We all do that, I think, but like that had hit me even when I was on my way, like I said, and I was listening to music that I'm like, this doesn't really line up with the vibe of my trip, but that doesn't matter because that's just what I want to do. And like,

So that and just that the point of life is not to fit in. That's like what I kept thinking and not to be like, I'm so different. That's like, but just no one benefits from you trying to fit in into any sort of box. And I mean, maybe some people are more comfortable, I guess, but like, that's not beneficial to you or the world to

try to mimic someone else or their formula of life or what they do or their interests, like you just have to be yourself and do what you're drawn towards. I think that can be hard to uncover sometimes. Like when there's so much noise, it's just you get stuck in patterns, like I said, and you get stuck in form like your formula of life. It's like, this is my routine. This is what I do. These are who my friends are.

This is the music I listen to. You just put yourself constantly in these boxes for no reason, like just these different identities that you are when you aren't none of those. You're just you. And like, the point of life is not to

fit in for other people or for yourself, anyone. It's just like be yourself. I don't know. That's kind of the theme that kept coming up for me is just, yeah, be yourself. Do your thing. Yeah. I love that. There is no box. It's a great theme for the rest of your life, really. Yeah. I feel like shedding your youth kind of and like moving, not youth in that way. Like you still have youth, but

Shutting your like more your childhood and like your your 20s are kind of like revving up for the stage of your life Yeah, and having a theme it's important I kept thinking too that it's like when you do have kids you obviously kind of have this perspective shift of like you want to model certain behaviors because I feel like the best thing you can do for your kids is just be a

like the example that you want them to see in the world, you're obviously not going to be perfect. And that's not what you're aiming for at all. But they're going to take a lot away from watching you. Not just like listening to you. Exactly. It's like what you do is so much more important than what you say. And yeah, so I just kept thinking like,

I want to model these certain behaviors for Benny and for myself like I want to be. That's kind of why I wanted to do this little thing in the first place is it's like. I want to be an independent individual. I want Benny to grow up with a mom who she knows that I prioritize her and that I also have my own life like I have.

hobbies. I like to, I value my friendships. And therefore I go on girls trips sometimes. I go, I want her to grow up seeing me read and learn and always be like a student of life. I want her to see me going on solo trips. So she knows it's not scary to be alone. Like it's okay to be alone with your thoughts. It's powerful to be independent. Like, I think I want her to learn all these things. And I'm like, the best way she's going to learn that is by me being this person, like I don't want to

You know what I'm saying? Like, not just doing it for that reason, but it's like, it does, I guess, just having kids makes you want to be the best version of yourself or the most authentic version. And that is something that I value. So I think even though she's little right now, she's not going to know that I want on this solo trip. That's not the point. It's the point is that I'm already putting into place that I am an independent person and she will be a lot knowing.

and learning that behavior from me so that I hope that when she grows up, she's not scared to be alone. You know what I mean? Just things like that. I think that that's so much more powerful than anything I say to her. Like I can say all day long.

be your own person, you authentically yourself, you can go off and it doesn't matter what your friends do, like you can go and do whatever you want. But if she's not seeing me model that same behavior, then why would she, you know, she's not going to learn that as powerfully. And so I think just this whole trip like that was in the back of my mind as well. It's like,

I don't want her to see me scrolling on my phone 24-7. I want her memories of me to be like, oh yeah, my mom is always reading on her Kindle or whatever. I would rather her take that away then. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I'm just like to be that person. I need to be that person now while she's growing up because that's who I want to be anyway. Yeah.

Definitely. It's not just for her, it's for me. Like, I want to be that person. So I think that, yeah, it was just overall really, really good. It's really good for moms to have alone time. Yeah. And I really believe that. Obviously, I'm so fortunate to have a partner who's so supportive and like we have flexible schedules and all of that. So I recognize that as well. But I'm just like so grateful I was able to go. And yeah, everyone, when I posted about it, like most people are just so supportive, like,

I got one comment that was saying they're like, I would be so sad if my husband like wanted to go or my kid wanted to go do something like on their own. And I'm like, I wouldn't. Did she just saying like for your 30th birthday, you wanted to be alone? Like, how does that make your kid and your husband feel basically? And I'm like, Oh,

She's happy. She don't know. But also, I would not be sad if my husband wanted to go and find himself at a solo retreat. I'd be like, go off. If my daughter wanted to do something solo, when she's older, I'd be like, that's amazing. That does not make me feel scared at all. So we're projecting, but that doesn't phase me.

Yeah, it's something that I value. And I think every human being should value, not that you have to go on like a solo retreat, but alone time. You should be able to be alone with your thoughts. And I don't do that very often. It's not like I'm the poster child for it. I also feel like it depends on who you are, because if you never have time with your kids and your husband, like you're always gone and you're whatever. It's like maybe you probably would want that or you're always alone. It's like, oh, I want to be with other people. Totally. It's like what stage of life you're going to want to value are with your family.

all the time going on trips with them all the time traveling with them all the time you've been so many places with life yeah you haven't been on a solo trip so exactly and wanted something different yeah

It's something fresh for the team vote. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just felt like being crazy. No, it was, it was amazing. Truly. I don't know what else to say about it. I feel like it was just very rejuvenating and yeah. I feel like even if you go on like a solo date with yourself, it's like really good. Yes, it is. It's, I feel like it is so important, especially as a mom to just like remember that you have an identity that is not the people in your life.

which actually makes your relationships better. I think what other people might think. It's like a long time and understanding that you are your own person and you have an identity, not attached to other people makes your relationship stronger because you appreciate that more. And you take those relationships as you're not in control over them. So it's just like gratitude and like,

Service and it's like a beautiful thing like that you are In this relationship be not because you have to be like yeah, I am choosing to have this relationship like our identities are now intertwined and we can have like you know Our lives are together. Yeah, but I saw my own identity

Yeah. And then you don't feel like you have control over other people. You don't feel like they are like an extension of your identity as much, you know? So yeah, I feel like literally benefits everybody. I think so too, because I was thinking about that even going on a solo trip. I'm like, or I guess finding more of that independence.

I'm like, I hope that the more independent and self-assured and confident of my own identity, I get that I would hopefully project less. I know I'm not going to be a perfect mom and a perfect partner, but I would, I assume that when I'm more comfortable and okay with myself, I'm going to project

less expectations on and insecurities on to my kids and my husband because it's like, hey, I'm me. You're you. And like, I would love to facilitate, you know, all these awesome things for you. But at the same time, you are you. You are your own person. Yeah. And what you do.

doesn't like, I want my kids to feel safe around me where it's like, what they do isn't going to rock my world. Like if they mess up on something, it's not like, Oh, no, like, well, the town thing. Yeah, like, like my mom's going to freak out because like, it's like, y'all have high expectations for them in some senses and I'll push them to be great. But also it's like, I want my kids to know I'm good. I'm, I'm a safe, strong part of their life. If you mess up or do something, I'm not going to go into a tailspin. Like,

That's fine. Let's, you know what I'm saying? I feel like it's so much deeper than just like, you can go on a trip alone. Like you can go and date by yourself. It's like, it's so much deeper. It's like a deep strength within yourself that keeps growing to where you can be a more, more of a safe space, I think, definitely for people. So yeah, anyway.

Love that. Can't wait to go with you next time. Literally, I want you to also have a solo retreat, but also I'm like, can I come? And then you'll join me. Exactly. And then, yeah, 100%. Yeah, no, it was, it was so, so awesome. Like I said, I'm like, I want to go back with everyone in my life, want to have a different

Experian. I want to go. I was thinking actually, you know, just what we actually are one. No, it goes against everything. But you were actually part of my identity. No, I actually had the thought of like, if we went there together, because it actually wouldn't know what it would do. It will be over for these hoes. Try to heal us. No, just I think you have nothing.

If we went there and we were just in that common area like brainstorming for the podcast, like, can you imagine the good energy that would flow? That's all I can do is imagine. We will never happen.

But I wasn't there. I really did have that thought. I'm like, if we came here for like a little, that would be amazing. What we said, retreat, like think of some new fresh ideas for the podcast, like need that. Because you can also do stuff on your own. Yeah. It's not like you have to be together every five seconds. Yes. Exactly. You can like go do different activities and then you could like come together, have lunch and like, perfect. Talk about, yeah, you know,

Oh my gosh, I have more to say with this podcast. It's already been so long, but I did. I will say one tiny thing that I finally did my vision board last night for this year. Okay. I like printed out all the pictures and finally I had said, I can't remember last week or a couple of weeks ago, I was like, I don't think I'm ready. Like I was about to print out all the photos and I was about to do the whole shebang and like get the poster board. I was like, I'm not like it's feeling probably because I was written with anxiety, but I was just like, I'm not feeling this is feeling faulty to me. This is not feeling what I really want. I'm just like doing what I think I should want. It's not aligned.

Yes. And I finally just waited until I was like, okay, now I feel so much more clear in like what I want in life, but also just like for this year. And it's not out of fear. It's not out of like, oh, I need to like control this. How can I purposely like.

voodoo doll my year. Just like, okay, what do I actually need to focus on and what is important to me? Like not what I'm scared of, what is important to me to like focus on. And so I finished it last night and I was just thinking that I was like, I'm so glad I waited because this is so different than I would have done like even a month ago. And it's just cleared out so much space in my brain to like, okay, let, cause you know, David Goggins will get to you and he'll say like, don't wait for motivation to come. Like just get up and do it, which I do understand sometimes.

But at this point, I was just like, I'm so glad that I waited because I was kind of thinking, like, am I just like being lazy? Am I just like waiting? But there are certain things you have to be more intuitive with. And that's one of them. I feel like pushing, like there's a difference. I don't know. Again, also, he's a man and he doesn't maybe have a cyclical existence. Exactly. And just even the intuition thing, I feel like women's intuitions are so powerful.

where like, if you're not feeling drawn to something, there's a reason. There was actually one thing that I was like, when I went on the retreat, I was like, okay, I kind of want to like figure this certain thing out. Didn't think about it once. Yeah. Like last night, I was like, I told life, I'm like, well, I didn't think about that one time. It's nothing too deep. But yeah, I just was like, that's weird that.

intuitively, it's just like, that's not what my mind went towards. So I'm not going to force it to go there. Yeah, exactly. You need to do things on your own time. Exactly. So it was much better. That's good. So you're feeling like, did it make you feel motivated and excited? Yes, it made me feel just more understanding. Also, having experienced the opposite of like, okay, when you are feeling so heavy or dark, like going through depression or anxiety or whatever it is that you're going through, like,

how that starts like as a mindset and then it manifests physically and then it got how much it affects your life and how like I was just thinking, okay, if this goes on for years and I'm just like this for years, my life will fall apart as I know it like because I'm just seeing how I will make decisions based off fear and based off my anxiety. And I was seeing the importance of a vision board again, not just like to be cute and put stickers on a board and like make a collage. It's like, Oh, I'm actually

Using my mindset and seeing how it works the opposite way. Like I'm seeing the dark side of how like powerful your mind is. Right. And now I'm trying to now take that and understand how powerful your mind is in the positive way. Yeah. It's like if you are focusing on, okay, what do I need to be the little things that I want to be doing every day to like.

Again, whether I'm it's going to get rid of my anxiety or not, I'm just going to do anyways, because it benefits my life and benefits my experience. Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. Nice. I mean, it's honestly nothing too crazy. I did have a

I was David Goggins on there. No, I should have put him on there though. I really should have flowing. It's fine. I was listening to just some of his TikToks yesterday because we were talking about it with Kristen. And so casually us and Kristen Johns were discussing David Goggins, but I was just like. It was random combo too. I was going through his audience and I was just dying laughing. Nick was like,

Nick doesn't get it because he's a guy. So he doesn't think it's as, he thinks it's funny. Like, it'll just go, it's like, dirt. It's like, you're a bitch. It's like, dirt. It's like, get up. And like, Nick will laugh like, huh? I was like, no, you don't get why this is so funny. Like, because it's half true, but it's also just so goes against like every soft fiber of my being. Just be like, you may be bullied, but maybe you are dumb. Like, just so actually,

There's a time, there's a time and place for people like that. There are time and spaces where I'm like, I'm ready to be, I'm ready to be like punched in the face. Yeah, mentally. Some of the times what gets me going, it's not even like the juice of what he's saying doesn't make sense. He's just like, shut up, bitch.

And I'm like, you're, you know, and you ate with that. You're right. I do need to shut up and just get to work. Totally. But I'll be like running and he's running a 70 mile race. Like I don't even know what that's called. It's not a marathon. It's like three marathons in one. And he's running and filming himself. He's just like has a weighted vest as well. Yes. And what are you doing with your life?

And you're right. Absolutely nothing. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I do too. Sometimes it's nice to have a slap in the face. You know, it's good. I should have put them on my vision board. I did. That's okay. Okay. One last thing. This is the longest podcast of the year, but you're just started.

Yeah, true. We can do long earlier. I passed by the house that I so desperately want in my life. Okay. And I just was reflecting upon how I am like the previous owners for you. But I've never owned this house. I've never had any control. Nothing to do with this house. Like, it's not my property. Never has been.

might never will be. And I drove, I drove past, I actually have been like, I've been better. But it was on my way the other day. So I was like, okay, I'll just go down the street. And I went past it. And like, there was this car outside, like a big truck. I don't know what they're doing, like plumbing or like, looks like they were fidgeting. And I literally had a thought like, what are they doing with my house? Like, what are they? And I slowed down. And I'm like, Oh,

Chelsea, you're not okay. This is not your house. You don't own this house. You don't even know who lives there. And I was just like, what do they think they're doing there? Like, are they changing something? Why, why is the plumbing guy there? I am doing it with my house. That is hilarious. You know, sometimes maybe you need to have that mindset to manifest it though. Yeah. You're really getting into the embodiment of that is my home. Yeah, I know. It's crazy. It's scary. Sometimes I'm like, do I even want that house like,

Not bad. But I do love it. Yeah, I'm still feeling like so drawn. No, I just like pass by it. I mean, yes and no. Honestly.

It's like a bit of an older house. And part of me recently has just been like, I think with the mold thing, I've just been like, let's start afresh. Like maybe what's more important, charmer of mold infection. Like, yeah, totally. So part of me with that, I'm like, that is the old house. So you're going to say you could rip it down like we did, but then that. Yeah, it's like, what's the point of land? Yeah. Which doesn't exist right here. But it's so cool because of what's old about it. That's because of the charm. And mine didn't have charm. Exactly.

I don't know if we've discussed that my mom asked me when I saw the house. She's like, so what are like the things you love about it? I go.

that it's a house, that it has walls, that it literally has walls and we were actually tore them all down. So nothing about it, actually. There's not one thing. And then she, it was so funny because she like came to, she said, there's got to be like one more demon quality. She came to like, Oh, no, yeah, you're right. There's nothing about it. Mike, I told you it was nothing good about it. Yeah. Yeah. The previous owners would like to disagree with that. But yeah, you know, that's a conversation for the fridge. And you, you, it was hard for you to let that one go too. The fridge.

It quite literally the only thing left in the house. And then we said, signora. There's not one thing. People will come in. They're like, so what's the like the same about it? I'm like, not one thing. Yeah. After the renovation, you know? Yeah. There's not a different door. No, that thing is the same about it. Yeah. It was literally bones. Yeah. Down to the bones. Yeah. Okay. Well, we'll stop yapping. Thank you guys so much for listening, especially to my long rant about. And that was great. I felt like we were there. Oh, good. I felt like good.

through you. Yeah, good. I thought we could all go on that trip together, actually. Thank you guys so much for listening. If you guys want to follow us on Instagram, it's at what we said podcast. You guys can get lots of updates there. And on TikTok, since it's not banned, it's what we said on TikTok. You guys can follow us. And if you want to be a part of our episodes, you can write in, we have highlights on our Instagram, where you can like write in for advice and stuff like that. But we love you guys so, so much. And that's what we said. Bye.

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