The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795
en
January 29, 2025
TLDR: Tom Segura and Christina P discuss poop protocols, cool guy consistencies, recap Charo's visit, review a fan tattoo, and have Jim Norton as guest to talk about his marriage, future of human sexuality, cancel culture, favorite comedies, and more.

In the latest episode of Your Mom's House, hosts Tom Segura and Christina P welcome comedian Jim Norton to discuss a myriad of thought-provoking and humorous topics. They kick off the episode with a lighthearted discussion about personal hygiene protocols, followed by amusing anecdotes that showcase the hosts’ unique comedic style.
Key Highlights
Early Banter and Humor
- The Hosts' Humor: Tom and Christina open with funny remarks about personal experiences, including their bathroom routines and surprising moments during their visits. They explore the idea of having a “protocol” during bowel movements, adding an entertaining twist to the mundane.
- Character References: The episode includes comedic references to characters such as Unc Shine, highlighting their consistent and wild antics, which set the tone for the discussions to follow.
Jim Norton Joins the Episode
Jim Norton, known for his candid storytelling and distinctive sense of humor, joins the conversation as they delve into:
- The Evolution of Human Sexuality: Norton shares insights about his marriage to a trans woman and discusses how this relationship has shaped his views on sexuality and identity.
- Cancel Culture: The trio reflects on the ongoing evolution of cancel culture, debating its potential decline and how it affects comedians today.
- Comedy Legends: Discussions extend to iconic comedians like Patrice O’Neal and Greg Giraldo, with Jim reminiscing about their impact on the comedy world. They examine what made these figures great and how they influenced current comedy.
Personal Life and Relationships
- The Concept of a "We": The discussion emphasizes the significance of partnership in relationships and how it evolves over time. Norton opens up about his marriage, discussing the dynamic and sharing personal reflections that resonate with many couples.
- Comedic Influences: The conversation touches on influences and the support of fellow comedians, showcasing a deep respect for the artistry and camaraderie within their community.
Cultural Commentary
- Modern Relationships: The trio navigates the complexities of modern dating and relationships, particularly through the lens of comedy. They touch base on themes of fidelity, sexual preferences, and societal expectations.
- Humor in Vulnerability: Jim emphasizes the importance of vulnerability in comedy, sharing how exposing personal flaws can resonate with audiences and make for relatable material.
Memorable Clips and Laughs
Throughout the episode, various audiovisual clips are shared, illustrating hilarious and, at times, cringe-worthy moments from the internet. Segura and P encourage Norton and listeners to gauge these clips based on whether they are:
- Horrible or Hilarious: This playful segment keeps the mood light as they react to absurd scenarios showcased in viral videos.
- The Fun of Pranks: Stories of pranks and the inherent risks of comedy are shared, which enhance the overall comedic atmosphere of the episode.
Conclusion
This episode of Your Mom's House is a rollercoaster of laughter and insight, blending humor, personal anecdotes, and cultural commentary all within an engaging dialogue between the hosts and Jim Norton. The discussions about relationships, cancel culture, and the essence of comedy provide listeners with a mix of entertainment and food for thought.
Key Takeaways
- Embrace the complexities of relationships and the importance of communication.
- Comedy often arises from vulnerability, making it relatable and authentic.
- Cancel culture is evolving, and comedians are navigating it creatively.
This episode solidly reinforces why Your Mom's House continues to captivate its audience with unique content and relatable humor.
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What's everybody? It's time for another podcast. We have a very exciting episode today. Gene, how are you feeling? I'm excited. There's going to be a snowstorm tomorrow. I'm taking huge dumps today. You did. I had like waves of caca come out and I feel more ready. Did you like it when it's a surprise like that? When you sit down to make brown and then you get a bonus brown?
Oh, it was just like. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, I feel like I took something to like make, you know, I didn't take that brand. No, I took that. I tried that. The Shawna told me, oh, he tried this all brand, you know, and he measures it out, you know, like a lunatic. He's like taking exactly 17 grams or whatever. I'm like, whatever. I made a small bowl of it. And I was like, Oh my God, because I've been eating that. I sprinkle it on my yogurt. And boy, does that make me
It was an emergency. Yeah. But does not mean you feel lighter, huh? Well, yeah, but I didn't do that. So I just, I got home late last night and then, you know, slept a little bit, got up. I don't even, had I eaten? Yeah. I ate a little. I had a little bit. I had berries and eggs. Oh, eggs make you shit. Well, this was, I mean, I thought I was going to have a little boom, boom. And it was so much.
Yeah, and you know what's interesting is that I normally I smell your brown has a very pungent sour smell No, I'm just I'm telling you I didn't even smell it today Well, I had the flushing and the rinsing going the whole time Rinsing and what I love about the wash let the the built-in bidets of Modern society is that you can wash as you shit and then sometimes you keep shitting through the wash the whole the what?
The spray will hit your asshole and your asshole goes, what's that? And then you just keep shitting. Hold on, because I've often used the spray to stimulate my anal. That's what I'm saying. But then I'd stop the spray once the brown comes down. Oh, I'll shit right through it. What? You're crazy. Who does that? Why would you do that? Aren't you afraid you're going to cut it off or it'll spook it? No. No.
I think it's too much stimulation for me and I cut it off. It feels kinky. I like it. I like it. This is like, man, anyway, I just feel like I could shoot at any moment again. I really do. Seriously. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think you ate something questionable last night? I mean, I traveled. Who knows? Yeah. I ate right before we left. We ate. I had salmon and rice, which is fine, but you never know. You never know.
You never know. It'll take a few days to adjust. And then I'll leave again and then I'll shit crazy again. I know. I know. It's weird. I had a little irritation in my bowel, too, where something triggered it and I was just making soft browns for days. You know, it's something like irritates your intestines. Yeah. But it's kind of nice because then you're a cleaning house. Yeah. School.
That's pretty cool. You ready to start the show? Of course. Let's do this very quick. Here we go, everybody. Oh, hey, here you go. You don't think I want them nipples? Jesus. I want them nipples too. And your feet. Yeah, I want your feet and the nipples. The nipples looking at me right now. Come get me on the shine. Come get me. I thought you were going to play something. I'm looking at you, boy.
I'm coming. Okay. Well, you got to bring it to me. You got to bring it to me. Yeah, you got to bring me to Nipus. Oh, it's Randy. Don't bring anyone mugging to this. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.
time. I have to say this before we get along. I mean I like to change the topic to something a little more dignified.
Why, I don't understand why it's so funny to you. What's so funny? You gotta bring me to nipples. Oh my god. Okay. Okay. You're the worst. Okay. I was gonna say that I noticed over Christmas vacation a while ago. Yeah.
that I have a specific protocol as I'm Browning, meaning I can't read a book and Brown. It's too distracting. I can't look at just videos and Brown. I have to be, I can't be texting and Browning. I have to be playing Tetris.
And if I'm not- Wow. Isn't that crazy? That's fascinating. No, I'm serious. I can't be watching TikTok. I have to play Tetris. I've lost myself on the can before, on my phone. I know that. You think I don't know that? I don't know that. Oh, I know. I have no idea how much time has gone by. We know that. Especially it's weird when we're alone with our kids, you seem to disappear for like an hour. Oh, stop. Yeah, especially when they were young, that was really weird. Exaggerator. Legs are gross, exaggerator. No.
Anyway, by my perfect four lipsticks, you guys, I'm wearing the perfect red right now. I suggest you just buy all four. Why not? They're the perfect colors. I got Madison, Berlin, perfect red, and atomic. ChristinaP.com. They're beautiful. They're so beautiful. They are. They're very nice. More coming. I'm just so pumped. I love doing these. I mean... You don't think I want them nipples? Goddamn it. I thought we were past it. I tried to get us past it. Hold on. What do you... What's your protocol? Your protocol.
Um, I just want a little bit of a loan. I want a little, just don't bother me. Sure. Um, I could do, I mean, as a kid, I did magazines a lot. So I like magazines, but we don't have magazines in there anymore. We used to. Um, yeah, your phone and just, what are you looking at? Like I found that even specific content I won't brown to.
That does I don't think that happens to me because I'll read articles I have like all the the like I have New York Times LA Times Wall Street Journal like I'll read articles because when I when I walk by the toilet I don't hear silence. I just read an article this morning. I usually hear
Sometimes there's people in car accidents, and sometimes it's an article. Most of the time it sounds like violence, and I'm like, dude, he is loving that shit. Yeah, sometimes I get lost in a loop of cool stuff. Violence. Accidents. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't really want to watch violence. I'd like to see like, you know, somebody snowboarding in their knee snapping or something, you know what I mean? Something like that. That's what I hear through the door. Yeah. And also, and this is like, listen, I've just come to terms with that as part of our marriage. Yeah. But I've often wanted to talk to you through the doors you're browning. I don't like to. Never let it happen. I don't like being spoken to when I'm browning. You don't. And I know that about you now. No. No. Next time you come to that door. You gotta bring me to Nipus.
You know, so here's what I love about, if you don't mind, it's been a while. What I love is that he's never changed. I like somebody that's consistent. And if I had introduced you to this man 10 years ago, it would be the exact same video that it is today. There is zero evolution, zero. He's still putting out a consistent message. I would wager that if you go to his Instagram page, there are a few hundred videos, maybe with this hat on,
and every video is basically the same. It's so crazy. And usually these artists, they do evolve. Like RPC, he's taken on different identities, Lucifer's lair, Professor Comdomp, right? Yep. But you're right, Ankh never wavers, maybe he changes his hat. Let's just pick one, go ahead and hit that one, what is it?
They draw in the front, I'm gonna tear it up. It's just like some crawfish. They boot it too. Oh, yeah, Mary. I'm telling you. Yeah, go the next one. Yeah, Mary is one love, all right? It's Mary. It's talking to Mary. Girl, they work with you. He wants to eat them draws, he always says. Yeah, Mary is one love, all right? Okay. Them girls that work with you. Yeah. Yeah, Mary is one. Sure. Uncle Sue, I got one for you, my boy. Yeah.
Birdman, what's that? I'm cooling, man. Cooling. Yeah. Yeah. On the snoop, I got seven feet. Okay, next one. Good morning. Good morning, guy. I'm all right, baby. Yeah, girl. I'm all right. Okay. Hey, how y'all doing, baby? I'm cooling, baby. Yeah, I won't give this something to eat. I'm trying to tell you now.
Uncle Snoop, what's happening to my dog? Birdman, what's happening? He's... I'm calling him. He's saying hello. He's saying hello. Yeah. He's one love, man. There's a lot of one love. Uh-huh. I got something for somebody. Hey, my baby girl, Kelly. How you doing, baby? It's the same. Click the next one.
Look, one move. I forgot. I forgot. I mean, but I got it. Yeah. I'm trying to say I forgot. OK, I think we got it. So yeah, it is the same exact thing than when we first saw him a number of years ago. And it has not evolved. And that's exciting to me.
It is and wide change perfection. He's figured out the formula that works for him. It's like RPC. He has his style. Yeah. He does his Lucifer's layer, you know, a lot of touch in the chest talking about what he likes. Yeah. And then here's, although I remember the RPC doesn't like being associated with, of course, and is not a fan of his.
Well, of course. Well, because our PC is evolved. He is an artist. He is creative. He does have different things going on. He does. He's a clothing designer, porno actor, singer. He does stand up. He does a lot of different. Like, kids, you cannot compare these pages. No, you can't. Let me tell you, if there's a surefire way to wake up feeling fresh after a night of drinking, it's with Zbiotics pre-alcohol.
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That's E-X-P-R-E-S-S-V-P-N dot com slash Y-M-H. You can get an extra four months free. Express V-P-N dot com slash Y-M-H. Yeah. No, look at his contents. Way better. Fund men to me. Like, yeah. No, he's amazing. Yeah, he does. This is a totally different thing. I mean, look at those birds. It's fucking amazing.
What's with the fire? What's he doing there? It's Lucifer's lair. What do you think? Hey, you got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message. You got the same message.
I mean, that's the same message, man. That's the same. But here's the deal, man. Why do I feel nothing but love? I got to be honest with you, the feelings I get watching these gentlemen. Onk makes me feel a little scared. Yeah. And I don't feel repelled by that. But for RPC, I want him to get what he wants. I understand what you're saying. Why is that?
I don't know. I mean, also, how many pages does RPC have on Instagram? Does he have a few still? At least 10 pages at least. Could you pull up another one? Sure. I just want to see. God, he's so charming. Is it the charm? Is it the?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Cool. Oh, wow. Oh, did he give a shout out to? Oh, OK. Do not trust this man. Yeah.
I did not sell my ideas. Fraud by trying to copy my hats and caps fashion and put my name on it. Oh, wow. Well, you know, IP is a real big thing these days, you know what I mean? And yeah, I would definitely side with RPC on that.
Of course. Maybe I feel a kinship with RPC because he is a comedian. He is a singer. He is an actor, he's a performer, and he's a lover of animals. It's a great guy. He's a great guy. But I don't know much else about Aung Shein. Maybe if I knew a little bit more about him personally. You're good. You're good. I'll just say this. If you are visiting the Greater New York area and you are a hot black or Latino man and you're looking for a good time, I would take him up on this.
You can use Google Maps and just type in Robert Paul Champagne RPC. It'll take you exactly to where it is right there. 2390 second half in New York. Yeah. Wagner has his apartment to see just ring the buzzer and he will buzz you right. Well, hold on. It says 2390 second half.
Um, yeah, well. Whoa, wait a minute. That's inaccurate. I think Wagner houses is like that whole block. Yeah, it's kind of like late on there. Yeah. Thank God. I, I don't want to spread misinformation there, you know?
Well, let's move on to something that, frankly, can't really wait much longer. Sure. There's two things really. One is that Charo was here last week. Boy, was she ever- Holy shit. Was that something? I might say her best appearance.
Yet. It was a legendary classic appearance. Um, and the boys did the right thing. They didn't even have to be asked. There is an incredible super cut. Let me just relax. Let's just get into position and enjoy this. Everybody. Okay. Go on. Thank you. Go on. Okay. Pull the bike down a little bit. These are my dog. Get lift the cup. Okay. No. How's the coffee?
the regular other one. Well, if I don't have, if I don't have the microphone, I pull it down, not from there, from the bottom. Well, if you do it, you can do it. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,
Did we talk about the crew? Yes! Hours ago. And did I thank you? And no, did I thank you? I'm so glad that we were all able to do it. I was talking. Can I get a coffee for you? You want another coffee for real? I don't know. Coffee? One cup of coffee doesn't make me... No! Coffee! This will be number four or five that you're having. Just so you know. Give me some? What's wrong with you? That had phones on your cheek. Are you testing me for my stupid? Can I talk? You talk nice!
Thank you. Reach the other way. No, no. Closer to you. Hello? Here. Here. Right here. Just, sure. Oh, thank you. Thanks, Jack. I forgot. Oh! This is your show, really? Don't be retarded. I might be retarded, but I'm not stupid. I'm retarded. Retard? This what? What? I'm taking you to buy me something.
Unbelievable. Truly remarkable. That was so much fun reliving that. She's Christ. She was a little, I mean, look, she was a little out there. She was out of it. She'd taken some edibles. And drank a lot. And drank a lot. Anne had five coffees. I mean, it was amazing. It was unhinged. She was totally unhinged. She really was. Did you take her shopping? No, I haven't spoken to her since.
Well, rest assured, she went through my closet last night and took out a jacket. She did? Yeah. She got something to worry about. Not surprised. Yeah. Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Who knows if we'll ever see her again, but that was a pretty memorable episode. You guys had a, you had a, you had a row. Yeah. Is the Brit side governor, a bit of a row. Yeah.
I sure did. Well, she was a little blitzed maybe when she left and may have said some things. You know what I mean? We'll see. Hopefully I'll have an update for you soon if she's still alive. All right. So this you're going to absolutely OK.
All right. Hey jeans, big fan of both y'all and my image podcast that helped me deal with a lot of hard times in life. You guys have made me laugh when I've had the shittiest day. I'm very thankful to be alive at the same time as y'all. I'm a tattoo artist from East Tennessee. I've always wanted to give myself a YMH tattoo, but didn't really know exactly what to do. That was until
I saw Christine's amazing artwork of Tom choking practically to death, just trying to say the word Netflix. I can't name a more pivotal moment in all media that is more deserving of a tribute. The entire world practically stopped to hear if Timothy would make it through such a dangerous word to say out loud. And I think we're all in a better place now that he had made it through such a life-threatening situation to commemorate both an amazing piece of art and an unforgettable moment in history. I chose the choke.
As my YMH tattoo as a gift to myself, I hope I made mommy jeans proud. And I hope Tom gets the speech therapy he needs. Mwah. Skylar. Here you go. Oh my god.
Oh my God, it's perfect. It's, how did you do? It's identical. No, is that real? Am I being duped? No, you're not being duped. That's real. That is real. Holy shit, he really did it perfectly. No, my favorite part about this too is that there is gonna be somebody who goes like, who is that? What is that? And he could be like, oh, do you like stand up?
It's a whole story. It's a whole story. You ever see Tom cigarette and they'll be like, what? Yeah. And he's like, yeah, that's him. And what's really special is that it's both of us. It's a collaborative thing. It is. And I love this. I can't encourage this enough. It's incredible. It's really, really remarkable. I'm just so thrilled as an artist to have my work featured on somebody's body forever now. Yeah. That's so cool.
Wow. Well, Skyler, you are incredible. I think we need to send him something. Absolutely. Guys, please reach out because that is remarkable. Please share any future interactions you have from people when they go, what the fuck is that? I would love to do that. Oh, my God, please. And by the way, don't think I am resting on my laurels just because of this success. I'm already developing my next piece of art that you are my muse. I know you've told me. You are my muse and I know exactly what I'm going to do.
I'm excited. I'm excited to see what you're such a prolific artist. Thank you. I just want to see who becomes next. But like they say in the art world, you don't want to put out too much. This is true. You don't want to lower the value of your work. This is true. This is why I'm parsley now. Like we did the first one, the second one. What are you doing?
I'm roguying. Oh, that's why it's the rougies in there. So this one, I have diarrhea ready to come out of me. So just, I'll show you this real quick. Yeah, I guess I'm a little antsy. Yeah. I have to ship pretty much. Maybe don't drink coffee. I want to. So here you go. This is a, we found another Kevin Spaniel's classic here. Oh, I miss him. You're definitely a single woman because you got the single woman. Tell that damn smoke detector. How do you live with that?
Um, the way that I've been living with just being a single woman is no, no, no, no specifically the smoke detector that keeps chirping. How do you live with that? Can you just elaborate more on like the what do you mean by the smoke? Oh, my God. It keeps going be like red flags. Yeah, that smoke detector that's beeping in the background. There's a smoke detector. Um, it beeps every 30 seconds and it goes beep.
I don't hear anything deep in. Did you just hear it again? Because I don't hear anything. Good for it. I told you guys that they don't hear it after a while. There it was.
the beep. Yeah. So I don't know. Maybe I have to replace my fire. Oh my God. Batteries. Yeah. Maybe that's what it is. Okay. So I just noticed it. You didn't notice it. And it's the first, it's one of the first things men noticed about you ladies because a man would not sit there with that thing beeping like that every 30, every 15 seconds, it beeps. Okay, noted. And my point is guys, the things that we noticed, they don't notice. They just, they get comfortable.
It's insane. How does she sleep at night? She's tuned it out. She didn't even hear it. Well, that's really interesting because it's one of the marks of a cool guy very early in YMH history. Yeah. The chirp, the chirp, that was, that's always part of their thing. Well, schizophrenic minds can kind of make sense for a lot of things. It's official. It's crazy. Let's take a quick break.
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And we're back and super excited for our guests. You could check out his new podcast. Jim Norton can't save you. It's Jim Norton, everybody. Thanks, guys. Thanks for coming. I can't believe this is a long time that this has not happened in. I know we keep every time I'd be here, you would be away. Yes. You're on tour somewhere or like when you guys were available, I wasn't here. I know. Happy it's finally happening. Yeah, I'm so happy to see you, man. Me too. We are huge, huge fans. Oh, thank you.
Yeah, you're an amazing comic. Obviously, you've been doing great radio and podcasting forever, too. But this is fucking, this is a treat, man. Thank you. Now, watch me bomb for an hour. No, you're always good. You're always good. We actually did that show together. Wasn't it the three of us that did that in Pittsburgh? In Pittsburgh, and that was 2014. What? Yeah. God, that feels like an eternity ago. You remember that?
Vaguely yeah, there's some weird theater for Randy and D radio guys. Yes. Yes, and everybody did I was like ten people or something. Yeah 2014 it was 2014. Yeah, it's depressing or maybe 15. I don't know because we didn't have kids then we were still like Yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah, it was a long time ago. Yeah, it was it was like attacked. I don't even know who closed it. Yeah, did I really you closed it? Yeah, yeah, yeah
Wow, no memory. I have I remember very well. It was um, yeah, I was so starstruck. I remember being on that line up with you. I was like, it's Jim. Oh my god. Yeah, we all were. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Thanks. Yeah. No, you're because yeah, I mean, it's honestly your stand up is so good. You are you are definitely an under rate as much success and everything that everybody knows. Your stand up is so good. I like the thing I like watching is like
Somebody who's like willing to take risks and go for it You know and I feel like you're one of those guys that if I watch you I'm like man I gotta fucking step it up like which is a good thing to have you know It's a good feeling to to have yeah When you feel like if you're like emotionally vomiting it feels good just to kind of get it out because then I can't get caught Yeah, like you're not gonna get busted with something if you tell everybody you're very honest. You're very honest
It's just a fear of getting caught and a fear of being like oh Somebody telling something about me something if I tell you first you have you know how it is Yeah, you have nothing to say but you always did you always have that like were you always that way? It's what made comics laugh when I started. Yeah, like it was like I would start and like it was like it was like 1991 and Guys like Bob Levy and Jim Florentine would come and they would always laugh at the stuff I talked about that was like me and my personal life and sex and on like the honest self deprecating shit like the real self-hatred. Yeah, that would make my those guys
It's so funny. They were like, I love that. So like making them laugh to me was like, that was the win. That was the win, man. Yeah. Yeah. Well, what I love about you is that you are so open about your sexual proclivities or your quote deviancies and all of that. And I think in watching somebody who accepts themselves, even if you hate yourself so fully, it allows other people to accept themselves.
In a way, that's always satisfying if somebody emails me. I've gotten a lot over the years of people going, Pam, so glad you talked about that because I thought I was alone doing that stuff in childhood or liking this or liking that. It was so nice to hear somebody talk about it. The guys you wouldn't expect to hear it from, because it was on Opie and Anthony, and they were just barbarians, the audience. I mean, they're real people. They're harsh, and they have a vicious, mean sense of humor. But at the end of the day, they're just regular people.
So they would write in and they related to certain things and they appreciated it. And they're like, I always thought I was gay if I did this. And they were right. But I mean, you're a homo. But it was nice to get those messages from people. I was like, hey, it's fun telling on yourself. But it's also nice when somebody kind of relates to it.
Yeah, I mean, but I think that thing too about watching you be super open and honest. I think even as a comedian, you're watching it and you're like, man, I need more of that open. You know what I mean? It's like it makes you go like, oh, I should just share that thing that I'm scared to share. Right. Because one of the worst that's going to happen is they don't like it or they don't relate. A lot of times they won't admit relating to something. Yes. It's hard to get people to like, you know, how it is.
Because it's the mirror, it's too much because some people aren't conscious, I think of what it is. So if you're like, I was trying to do this bit for the longest time about how women can hate their husbands when you first have a child. Because it's true, the woman carried the baby for nine months. We're exhausted, we give birth and then we breastfeed.
And you're like, what the fuck have you done? You know? And that's just a very normal, it eventually subsides, but I just couldn't sell it. Because the women are sitting next to their husbands in the audience. And they're like, I don't know if you should. I don't even love you. Everything's great. Yeah, you're a great partner. You went to Lamaz with me? Yeah. Yeah.
But I think it's natural. I guess so. So, were you ever able to sell it? Were you ever able to find the thing that would just kind of, you could just never get it to click where they would be safe going with it? Yeah, because now I have to blame my own mental illness. I blame it on my relationship I had with my father and that he was abandoning. And then I can tie it back to me projecting it on to him. And then it gets safer. Because then it's like, then they go, okay, she's messed up. She's so mentally. Yeah, she's crazy.
I'm laughing because she's crazy not because I hated your fucking gods. Yeah But doesn't that help when they think you're crazy and I think that helps it gives them the excuse sometimes that they need like otherwise they think like if I'm laughing I'm admitting and if I'm laughing I'm agreeing but if I'm laughing because they're crazy It's okay. Yeah, no one's gonna stop you at the and say could you put checklist of why you laughed at these bits? Why did you laugh?
Did you bother you when someone says as a woman when someone says we're pregnant? Yes, that drives me crazy. I see couple saying that's weird. No, she is she is or my partner. I don't like hearing I just husband wife. Yeah, just say just say what yeah, she's pregnant. I'm going out tonight
She's pregnant and I did it. We're pregnant. You're like people you wouldn't expect to hear saying we're pregnant or saying them. It is like a type of couple too. Yeah. They're a little bit like full of themselves, right? They think that you can tell when they say we. Yeah. It's somebody who goes, well, that's the right thing to say. Sure. Sure. It's kind of like the, I don't know, those ultra liberal type. Yeah. It goes, we are doing this. Do you do we?
I'm not with pregnant in my house. No, not real. I mean, unless we're doing something, but there's really no, there wouldn't be much cause for it. Like we're doing this or no, it would just be me or her or like, I can't think of any case where it would, it would.
feel like we should do it the way like a, you know, like a couple like you would, would do it like where you're pregnant. Well, yeah, the pregnancy thing is absurd. But, but even one time, I remember one time, Tom and I, you probably remember what I'm going to say. We're in the airport getting ready to go on a vacation together and he gets a phone call and he's like, I'm going to Hawaii. And I was like, just you, just you. And I was like, what about us as a family? We, we are going and you got, remember that?
Did I get upset? Yeah. Probably. Probably deserved it. Here's the truth. I still was going away. Yeah. Right. Both things can be true. Yeah. One just makes you a little more selfish. I do remember this though. I remember. I remember in college.
I, there was a time where one of my roommates, Casey and I, were just like, you know, we had an apartment, we had it for, we stayed for the summer. That was the thing where like people went, you know, like in college, went back home. Right. And we stayed and we were like getting up, working out together, hanging out during the day, watching movies. And then we went to a party.
at somebody's place, at an apartment. And as we were leaving, I remember I turned to the person. I was like, thanks, thanks for having us. And then we walked out and I was like, yo, that's what a couple would say, man. Yeah. I go, I just thank them for having us. Like we are a unit, like we're a gay couple now. And I was like, I think we're hanging out too much because I'm like referring to us as one. Yeah.
But it does feel weird if you're walking out with your friend and you're like, hey, thanks for having me. And then he's like a dick like me too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, I don't, I don't necessarily, I think in that case, what I say, I'm going, it would depend on what they're calling me for. If it was someone saying, hey, could you do this? Like a business. Yeah, yeah, or something like that. I might go, now I'm going to be in Hawaii. I don't know if I'd say we're going to Hawaii. Yeah, yeah. Hold on, your honor. I think it was your mother who you're talking to. And you're like, I'm going to Hawaii. And I was like, you're not here.
I mean, I don't think I put that much thought into it, honestly. I really was just like, yeah. That's the troubling part, isn't it? You annoyed you, though. You didn't annoyed me. It was very selfish. I also remember, like, start of the marriage, you being like, you saying something about a we thing. Like, we are getting this place. We have this. And I was just like, who fucking cares?
Well, they said to be careful doing that if you have an apartment and you marry somebody like be careful about saying like our home or whatever because then they can like lay claim to it if you get Oh, really? Yeah, I know somebody she had money and she married a guy and she's like, you know, just be careful saying something like our place of Like she kept it on her. It was her place. Oh, it's my yeah, I guess so. Yeah, this way if they have the worst you can't but then again Maybe that was just her being fucking paranoid. There's no legal basis. Yeah, sure Yeah, definitely because in New York isn't it what is it called common?
Where is it? Common law stuff? I don't know. Well, there's a thing that I know that I think in Texas, because there's certain states where you can date somebody and it's over a certain amount of time. Seven years, I think. And not married, and then they have claimed to property. Common law marriage.
Is that if you're living together? You have to live together. Yeah. I don't know if New York has common law. I think it's a seven year period, though. Maybe it's different in different places. Let's see. No, New York does not. Oh, good. Thank God. Yeah. Yeah. Texas does, I bet, right? Texas is a common. Yeah. Two weeks. Yes. Yes. Yes. Informal marriage to marry without formalities. Okay. What is the requirements? You have to be 18, not related. That's good. Not married to anyone else. They have to, yeah, cohabitate.
They must agree to be married though. So that's an interesting thing, is that they must present themselves as married. What is the proof of that though? That's exactly what I wanted to ask. Because all she's got to say is he told me that we're married, we're like a married couple. I just have to fill out immigration things. When you're having your green card, the conditions taken off of Norway.
So having the conditions take off and you have to, one of the things you have to get your friends to sign is something that they say they do present as a married couple. They are married. It's where they don't get scammed. Yeah. So many people do that scam too. I've met so many people that have done it for somebody else and you're like, you're married? Well, you know, kind of. Yeah, they just like hook them up with the green card though. It's crazy. It is crazy. Can I ask you the dumbest question? Sure. She is.
yep so so hold on okay so you married you married but you're married to a trans woman yes so are you married like boy girl married or you boy boy married you know what i mean boy girl married because on her i mean i know that's like a whole
I know that she's definitely different than you, obviously. But on her passport and on her birth certificate, it says female, because Norway is very open about that, which they've changed the way you can change your birth certificate in Norway. Wow. So it says that. That's very progressive.
It is, yeah. I mean, it's kind of, whatever. I mean, it works out well for us, but. But what do you mean? What's the, could you kind of went like, oh, I mean, I don't know, it should be necessarily that easy for a person just to say I am the, like, I think there should be some process you go through. It doesn't mean that it can't happen, but I just think this would prevent.
you know, some guy that looks like me or you. Yeah. Just just going, Hey, I got arrested. I want to go to a woman's prison. Yeah. Sure. What is lovely? I got to get to know her a little bit in the green room at mothership. Oh, okay. Yeah. Gorgeous. Oh, thank you. Sweet and funny and like, it's just so cool. And I'm really happy for you. I mean, I don't know you really well, but you seem very happy and very much in love and like this is a good relationship.
Yeah, it's like, you know, you settle in and you realize, like, wow, I am married. Like, it really is at times great at the times, you know. It's everything they said. It's every, I'm living every fucking hack comic in the 80s bit. Like, they were right. They were right.
But I do like it. I was lonely. It sucks when you're in fifties and you're single. And it's all just one person after the other. Or it's nobody for six months. It's just lonely. Yeah, sure. I love how this is like a real thing that I don't think people talk about enough is how many people
don't have somebody. It really is a huge number of people, you know, that are out there that going through life and they go, like, if you talk to people, you'll realize you meet people who are like, oh, I haven't had some people are like, I haven't had a relationship in 13 years. Yeah. It's like, you know, they just kind of like settle into that. I remember I argued with an extra often years ago. I was like 22 and I still remember she's like, you're going to die alone.
And I was like, wow. And the 25 years later, I still hear that sometimes. I'm like, wow, that really affected me. I mean, she was probably I was a dick and I was a bad boyfriend. But like, I think that's one of the things I was like, I don't want to die alone. Like you want to just be with somebody who you enjoy. Yeah. And my wife and I, for all the faults or whatever, the times we argue, if I can't make it work with her, I have no shot at ever being married.
Well, that's what I was going to ask you. Who were you dating before her? I don't want to limit. Had you dated men? Had you dated women? I never dated men. The idea of hugging a man and going, hey, we're how you doing, baby? It's just as repulsive to me as it is to any other guy watching this.
It's the idea. It's a very weird thing. And people can't understand it because there's a dick in play. So you're like, man, but I'm like, no, it's like somebody who lives as a man or presents as a man. Right. Doesn't do it for you. You don't like masculinity. I hate it. Like being around that.
Okay. Yeah. Unless it's a woman being dirty and aggressive, then that's okay. That's more of a masculine attitude. Right. But it's kind of hard to explain. There's a lot of people right now going, this guy's just a homeowner, he's delusional. And there's other people going, yes, I know exactly what you're saying. Right. It's hard to explain. Yeah. But you can't consider yourself straight. I'm sorry. If you're out there, if you're dating somebody, you're married to somebody and they have a dick, I don't care what their birth certificate says. If you enjoy that dick, you're not a heterosexual male.
you're somewhere in between. I don't think you can be hetero. I think common sense. Would it be like you're sexually gay, but you don't like gay-ness? Would that be somewhat? No, because I do like vaginas too. I want to talk to you so technically. Bisexual then.
I guess I mean not to label it because I actually don't like all these labels I know but some of them are just unpleasant in the rack you miss vaginas oh yeah but I think that but if she had one yeah I would just be one up like I would miss everyone but hers
It's not like if I married somebody with a pussy, I would get a bunch of them. It would just be hers and then the rest I would miss. But yeah, so that's one thing, of course I do. I do miss that. But I mean, I'm greedy and I'm an addict, so I would miss it no matter who I was married to. I would miss everything that I couldn't have. It's kind of normal, right? Yeah, I think so. That's just married couple shit. Yeah, I think that's very natural. Maybe you're like the future of human sexuality.
I don't know, I mean, I don't know if this is gonna catch on. We have Will Blunderfeld on the show, and he encourages straight men to try, quote, gay things. Like, I don't know, is it society that tells men, because women can make out with women. Let's say, and even in the 90s in college, it was totally fine if I wanted to make it all. Will's got a bit of an angle. He's kind of like, you know, he's like,
Basically he's like playing with another guy's balls is the straightest thing you can do and you're like wait what like he's always kind of Yeah, he's got a bit of an agenda which is to let him touch your dick Men being men
Yeah. And it's disguised under this, like, this is what warriors did. Like, he's always, like, the Spartans did this and the samurai would lick each other's nipples. Maybe they did. Yeah, yeah. And then you're, like, listening to it, like, really? He's like, yeah, so do you want to do it? And you're like, I mean... I do a friend of mine, Jose Menendez, used to say the same thing.
He would say that this is what the Warriors. So the Warriors are doing gay shit. I mean, that's okay. Everybody's trying to rename it and make it okay. It is what it is. And progressives had just fucking gone berserk. Stop telling yourself that if you're a guy and there's a dick in your face, you're a heterosexual male. It's crazy. It's almost like that's the 1940s angle of the only proper answer is heterosexual. So we have to maze and shoehorn the language to get you back to what is proper, which is heterosexual.
Just say you're not heterosexual, it's fine. It is fine. I think also what you're pointing out is that they're, I mean, you're kind of the living proof that there really is a scale on this thing. You know what I mean? It's like a fluid kind of thing. It's not just black and white. Right. Because your own sexuality is kind of in the gray area, right? Kind of, yeah. I think I've always been that way as a kid. Always not sure exactly what I wanted. Again, a lot of it is greed. Yeah. How small, like, what were your earliest memories of being this way?
I was probably five. I remember I used to, yeah, I have a picture of myself and I can date it. It was from 73. And I used to have like little oral sex with my friends. But this one kid I was scared of, and I used to blow him. But I think I kind of liked it. You know what I mean? Like when I look back on, it's like my therapist is like, you were like, I'm like, I don't know. I may be always scared, but I did kind of like it. You guys were on the same age though? He was in my age, maybe nine months old, within a year old. He wasn't like he was 41.
If you're like, no, but he was my friend. He taught me to fish. Was that the first penis you'd ever touched? I think so. You're this friend at five, yeah. Yes, but I have a photo of myself. Like when I fell and I split my head open, and I know I was already doing it by then, and there's a date on the picture, so I know it was eight. Wow, that's young. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was off to the rabbit. I was a trooper. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it was very active as a kid. It was very, but I talked about that a lot. Like, you know, we would play that the Monster Rain game. And, you know, it's just one of those things. Which game? It was, we would, one of us would yell like Monster Rain and we would hide under the porch. And then we would blow each other under the porch. But the Monster Rain, this was one of your specials. It was, it was called Monster Rain. Yeah, it's a true story. But yeah, we would, we would, yeah, that's where it came from. Yeah.
Yeah, it's amazing, but you don't have to mind for material when it's just that like it's there It's like I don't have to go out and find an angle on fuck Trump's elect or try or this is happening It's like but you also start to feed on it too much like you have to talk about other stuff Yes, cuz otherwise I'm just literally it's like you're carving away at something and there's nothing left anymore Yeah, there's a balance I mean I think also in like you know in kind of scoping out an hour like I think about hours a lot now of of
You know, if you have, like, that type of material, you want it to be, like, 15. Yeah. Probably max. 15 of that. Yes. So you don't want an hour on blowing and coming. No, not at all. So it's like, like, you've got to kind of, like, shape. I mean, we're always trying to shape, like, in the hour that I'm out with right now, I have done, if it's for 15-minute chunks, I've done them in every order.
You know what I mean? And trying to figure out what order is best. And I feel like currently I feel like I figured out the order to do them in. Because sometimes I go like, oh, that chunk at the end doesn't feel I should end with that. I feel like I got to move it up. And you're always just trying to make it move around. But I try to balance it between, OK, stuff I'm talking about from my life, general observational stuff, et cetera, like having some balance to it all so that it's not just one note.
Yeah, and it's interesting to do it in a different order. Sometimes I'll do that. I do a Wednesday show in New York at the Fat Black Pussycat, where I just run the hour and I work on it. You just go through it. Sometimes I'll start with the closure and then work your way backwards and go, is the opening strong enough to close? Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's like, no, the build is kind of what made that better. But yeah, it's ballsy to do that when you're on the road in front of a lot of people switching that 15 minutes.
Yeah. Well, sometimes it ends and you're like, yeah, I shouldn't have done that. Yeah, that was a bad move. I should have done that in front of 50 people on a workout instead of. I'm back on tour now. I had taken time off and I'm not with the radio show anymore. So it's like, it's weird. Were you in Sam? Yeah, that's I love. Was it serious for 20 years? Wow.
Yeah, it was a lot of talking. And we just couldn't, you know, they just didn't want to pay it. And I knew it was coming. Like, you know what I mean? Like you see it and it's like, whatever. It's a little scary because the first time you're like without that comfortable thing to go to where everything is set up, you just walk in and talk. Yeah.
But like, I feel good that I didn't blow it up either. Like, you know, in life, we sabotage things. Absolutely. Especially comedians. So many comedians. Yeah. Fuck that, they're fucking like, and I've learned so many lessons from watching other people implode and watching other people just blow up their life that I'm like, have confidence, but don't be stupid and think that things won't continue. I mean, ACDC went on after Bond Scott died. I mean, I mean, radio shows will continue whether or not I'm a part of them. Right. So you have to be realistic.
Well, that's very, I mean, that's a super mature approach to this thing. You know what I mean? From you, I'm saying, to like, I'm not going to blow this up. I'm going to keep doing it until if somebody doesn't want to do it. But now you're making the kind of the transition, right, to the podcast. Yeah, 30 years in. I mean, I really should be executed for my, we were there at the beginning and I just, I couldn't. I had a contract and I wasn't allowed to do any other audio.
That started the stuff. Yeah, but back then I probably could have snuck it in back in 2009 or 10 I probably could have fucking yeah But I would have ruined my life like I know that I would have done something or said something on the podcast that like today I would be like why the fuck did I say that in 2011? I didn't know it was gonna come back to yeah. Yeah, I want me. We all have I guess all right
It's just a matter of they haven't found them all yet. That's really what it is. Somebody wants to write the code to search all the audio of things we've said. It could be very destructive. But also, Tommy, well, yeah, of course. But don't you find too the...
If you've never claimed to be righteous, what the fuck are they gonna take us down on? Nobody, we never claimed to be in the right about anything. At this point, they can't take this away. They could just take something else I'm doing away, basically. And they can't take touring away. So they can't take the two main things in my career away. Thank God for that. They could just be like, oh, you can't be on this TV show anymore. Okay.
I think that's changed a lot, too, or it's starting to. It is starting to. People are like, eh, enough already. Enough. And especially, again, because so many of the old radio shows are online. Yeah. I mean, there's hours of offensive shit. It's like a whole show. Yeah. It was 25 hours a week at one point. It was Monday through Friday 6 to 11. We were doing five hours a day. So funny. I mean, it's, I mean, there's a lot of offensive stuff.
But I love that time of radio because I would go between you guys and Stern and that was such a good time of just like, there is that window before this cancel culture started where shit was actually really hard and funny. They would fuck you back then too though. They tried to get us with homeless Charlie when that homeless guy came in and he was really just a funny, like a naturally funny human being and he was brutal and he was just talking about
Laura Bush, and he was talking about the Queen of England and having sex, but in a way that would be very, very unpleasant for them. And we got kicked off a satellite for a month. We got suspended for a month, and the only thing that saved us was in that day.
The only thing that saved us was that we were actually on K-Rock, and since it didn't happen on their airwaves, they kept the show. But that was the one time, I hated terrestrial, we were doing double duty, and that actually saved us from really our lives being our job. We had gotten fired once already, so I mean, it was. Yeah, I remember that.
Yeah, that era was all about like like you guys and Stern people it was either like fines and suspensions and firings like it was a regular thing. Well, it Janet Jackson fucked everything without him intending to because after she that nipple slip. Yeah, I think Bush was president. It was 2003 and the fines went tenfold. So it went like from 35,000 per occurrence to 350,000 per occurrence. That's like
Big jump. And if you did it on 10 stations, it was, you can find on each station. So I think that that's when everybody just was like, we can't do this. They crack down and then it just started to get shitty. And again, that kind of eventually gave the birth to podcast where people just couldn't hear it on the radio anymore and podcast, you could do whatever the fuck you wanted. So are you enjoying the podcast thing? I'm only, I mean, I've done.
I'm only, I do one with my wife, which we've been doing for a while, but this one of just me, and a guest, I like a lot. I've only done a few episodes, we've got like eight episodes taped, but I love it. I mean, it's so much fun. And total freedom, like total freedom. Total freedom, and it's an hour, and you're in your house, and I didn't think I would like it in the house, but it's like, I can have somebody whenever I want, like, whatever you wanna do it, you just do it, it's great. It's the best, dude. I don't know, it's nobody telling you what you can, you can't fucking say.
No, and nobody else to, nobody else to have to, no matter how much you like your radio partner, there's always two different thought processes going into it. Yes. Two different senses of humor. And I just, I just want to say what I want to say, and I want the pace to be what I want the pace to be. Exactly. Yeah. You dictate it. I mean, I dictate it. Yeah. That's kind of fun. Like, I remember the whole, one of the reasons I even wanted to do a podcast was I went on another guy's podcast and I was just like, oh, I wouldn't,
I wouldn't do it this way. You know what I mean? It started to like, it bothered me. I'm like, why wouldn't you ask that guy that question? Right. He was like, I don't know. So that was just like the same kind of thing of you're like, well, I'd rather do it the way I want to do it. Yeah, you want the control over it. I'm enjoying the fact that we were going to get a studio, but they were closed for the holidays. Like this whole thing happened really fast. So I was just like, I've learned from watching other people lose radio jobs. I'm like, don't fucking languish. Don't just sit there like a lump of shit, hoping and be bitter.
shut up, start doing something else. So at least you're, you know, you focused on something else. Yeah. You can't just sit there and feel sorry for yourself. Nobody wants to. Nobody cares. Nobody feels sorry for me. Well, that's like life that taught you not to just sit around because like maybe 25 year old version of you would would do that or something, you know?
Getting fired in 2002 changed my life. That changed everything for me. You see that it can happen. They can take everything from you. You also know that you're going to be okay. I remember I was with Bobby Kelly, we had done the same building, and I lived on the 22nd floor, and I was saying to myself, I should just jump out the window. I finally have fans, and now the whole thing is gone. My life sucks.
Yeah, it was stupid, but then tough crowd came along. So there's always something else always something else. Although now it's just me. So I don't have Collins fucking coattails to get dragged behind her own a to come back. So we'll see how it goes. Oh man, that your crew, like your core group is like, I think amongst comedians is one of the favorites to admire and look up. You know what I mean? Like people love
hearing about you, Colin, Patrice, Rich, as a group, you guys seem to have one of the coolest classes of people. It was fun. I still see Colin and Keith all the time. It'll be Keith Robinson, who's actually just as fun. It's crazy. He had a stroke. Keith is amazing. I would never say this to him, but he's amazing because he never feels sorry for himself.
Yeah. Like it's fucking crazy. He never complains about having to walk up and down the steps at the cellar. A lot of times I'll see him walking from the parking garage to the club. And he's just, you know, he can only walk very, very slow and never feel sorry for himself. It's really...
inspiring, and it's exactly the opposite of how I would handle it. You know what I mean? I would be milking it and bitching, and he just did a brilliant hour on Netflix. It's really inspiring to see him, and he's still funny, which is crazy. That's incredible.
And Patrice, these dumb fans, it's always a matter of what I, especially with my marriage. What if Patrice was alive? What'd he say? And I think that he would love the fact that his name is being used to torture all of us. He would love the fact that all of a sudden he's this gold standard of life, and we're just these fucking shit plebes. Yeah.
He would really enjoy that. His name is brought up constantly for all this. I love that people see him that way. The memories alive. It's nice. I wish he would have gotten to see it, but I'm happy for him that he's not forgotten.
Like Otto, Otto's not forgotten, but I wish Otto was talked about more of Otto and George. Yeah, I mean, one of the funniest people to ever live. I remember getting those tapes. We had like Otto and George like tapes. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was crazy. Like passed around. He was so great. And I just wish that more people talked about him, but I'm happy for Patrice. You know what I mean? Like when you see one friend getting so many accolades, you're happy. And then you're like, I wish he got a little bit more. And Greg, and Geraldo. I loved Geraldo. Oh, I loved him. Yeah. God, I memorized his stuff.
Yeah, he was such a good comic. So good. His son does comedy. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Greg Jr. And he's good looking kid. And yeah, he's following his dad's footsteps. I just think how happy Greg would be to to see him doing that. He's in the city doing it. He is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was working at the seller as a waiter. And now he's out just kind of like they're just hustling like like every other young comic. It's great to see. That's crazy.
That's awesome. Yeah, Drew Aldo was a funny dude. I mean, he was so bright. Yeah, he was Harvard. He's crazy. How many comics like went to law school? Yeah, went to Harvard, all this stuff. And then there's me. Yeah. Yeah. How far did you guys drop that high school? Well, I got to go into college and everyone goes like, huh? What? Because I went to Lenore Ryan College. I don't know. Yeah. And then they're like, is that a real school? I'm like, yeah. I mean, I was I was a terrible high school student. I got to college. All right. But.
Yeah, I don't think I could have used a degree less, you know, communications major. It's nonsense. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking four years of fucking around since that. Yeah. Do you do you feel attached to those years to either like when you look back at like high school and like they're like, because obviously they both want you both to go to your reunions because you're who you are. Do you go or do you like? No, no, no. Get fucked.
No, I don't go to any of that. I mean, the funny thing is sometimes I'll think about college and the only thing I go is like, oh yeah, it really is the relationships. In other words, like college connected me to some people that are meaningful to me, right? Like certain friends. As far as like, I couldn't tell you about a class or a goddamn single thing I learned. Nothing. It's just like, huh? That's sad.
Oh, yeah, I mean, that's just, I mean, I just... Dude, I had a philosophy professor that changed my life. This guy was fucking dying. Back it up. He had built his own log cabin before he was a philosophy professor. He was a professional, or what semi-professional boxer. He had lived this incredible life, became a philosophy professor, had an affair with his student, ended up marrying her, making a kid. The kid ended up going to the college. Like, this guy led such a great life. And then he was dying of cancer.
And then he taught existentialism through his treatment and dying of cancer, which was so fucking crazy and surreal to actively be dying and to teach young kids about life and death at the same time. The guy changed my life forever. You know, like the open your mind and his penis was delicious.
I know that's where you were going with it. I did not have a person. I was definitely not going there with it. But he changed my life. He opened up my brain. I'll tell you my most fond memory. This is how you know that I was a comedian in a class is that in communications,
There's different tracks you can take and I took TV radio production and there was a class on advertising. And what I still remember is our professor teaching us about like ad copy and like how you have to, you know, how the process goes and how it can, like there's a, there's a template you used for an ad. This is like in print advertising and how it could go sideways.
And he's like, and he cited this example. And he brought up the image on the screen of a newspaper, I think in North Carolina, that was advertising for a sporting goods store. And the ad said, where are these skis? And you'll ski like a, and I laughed so hard. And nobody else laughed. And I was just like, oh, he was like, he was like,
That is so inappropriate. I'm so awful. And I'm sure you can find it, by the way. You can probably find this thing somewhere in online.
Yeah, this. And so this was like the, the example that he gave. And I was like, yeah, yeah, you'll ski like a piece. It appeared in the observer. I mean, that's so funny. It's so funny. Who does not laugh at that? I mean, this guy did not. And half the, I mean, if you go back one, if you quote that, that's amazing. And you put images, I bet you it comes up.
Right there. Probably see where it says 7997. Wow. That's it. It's the drawing. Oh, man, they should have really... I thought they'd go harder on the image.
You'll scale like a... I mean, if they... Come on, that's a fucking... Who would not laugh at that? And this guy was like showing us on the board and being like, you know, I'm laughing, he's like, why would you laugh at this? Because you just scale it up. And because it made it through. Yeah, of course it made it. What it is, it's like, it's just being a little rascal, right? It's like, it's very rascally. It's like a little kid getting away with like,
It was a road fuck on the wall. When someone puts porn in like some type of presentation and porn, I don't care where it is, it's always funny. It's always funny. Who doesn't enjoy that? We're dirty, like just something inappropriate and in my eyes. Inappropriate is my, that's like everyone has their button for laughing. Anything inappropriate, like the person cursing at the gala,
You know what I mean? Like the juxtaposition of like, you shouldn't do this here. I will always bust out laughing in tears. That's what I think that's why. Dude, even like vandalism, like you put a dick on a billboard and I'm going to giggle every fucking time. Absolutely. Especially when it's a one. I'm a gal. Yeah, yeah. Vandalism is like...
I don't know if he did this growing up when you'd make a googly eye. You erase around the eyeball of somebody in the black and white book. You know, I sound like a picture. And then you make the eye big and googly. Like even that, I'll show you.
No, but that's a, I'm pissed I missed that one. Yeah, that's a good one. And that dick is great. Some guys said, I forget who was that did this interview as a prisoner. And he said that one of the things that a prisoners would do is for assholes is like you read, he got a book, it was a mystery. And somebody had gotten the book first and went back and the guy who actually does it, they circled his name.
So it just wrecks it. I wish I would have thought to do that. This reminds me, I always think about Brendan Walsh when this stuff comes up. You know, Brendan Walsh? Yeah, such a rational name. He's just like this is him. Oh, yeah, this fucking lunatic has always has done these these like
pranks, but they're like for himself sometimes too. Like he got, he was in some Zoom. It was for like, I don't know, like that's the thing is that just for him, during the pandemic, you know, everybody was Zoom. And it was like, I forget what the topic was. People were discussing, I don't know if it was like public health or something. And he would, he got in on these and there'd be like six strangers talking about this topic. It could have been book reviews or something.
And he found somebody, he would find people like on Craigslist to join the Zoom. He'd give him $100 to be just sitting there, like a guy. And then at one point, he would just tell him to stand up naked. And so he could stand up and their deck and balls would come across. Everyone would be like, whoa, and then he would be like, what's going on? Like, he's setting up. He's setting up. Or he also did that billboard.
in Silver Lake, where it was a T-Mobile billboard. And it had huge images of cell phones with texts in it. And it was like, sign up for our new plan, you know, with one of these. And he went up there and did that to it. Your father passed with, oh my God, what?
He did that, dude. That's funny. That's amazing. That's really funny. That's what you're driving, you know. What the fuck is that? You're dead, right? Oh my God. But see, this would make me like Samsung a lot. I'd buy that. I'm going to get a galaxy. That's really funny. Remember when he covered? So there was a gay bar in Silver Lake called MJ's. Oh my God. And didn't he? He made a banner.
Dude, this was, well, they were, they were close. So the first thing was this neighborhood gay bar gay. Yeah, it was a gay bar in Silver Lake, which is like the east side. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a staple. Still those fields, right? Yeah, near those fields. And the bar was closing. And so, you know, like the local community was like, Oh, I can't believe it's, you know, it's closing. So he went there.
had a big banner made, hung it up, and then set up a website so that they would be connected. And this is the most liberal kind of very tree-huggy kind of area of LA. And the signs had coming soon, Silver Lake Gun Club.
And, dude, here's, put the website, which was like HTML built and had an eagle, just like going like this, and he put up a phone number that people could leave, and he goes, he's like, yeah, I just, I just listen to people, they're like, we do not want this in the neighborhood.
And then sometimes he said he would answer when they would call and he'd be like, Silver Lake Unclu, and they're like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm just, this is America, man. I can do what I want and like hang up on them. Just listen to them get fired up. This is all for his own amusement. That is so funny. Yeah. There's really funny people out there. Like when you hear about a guy like this, you're like, what a fucking, sorry, Silver Lake Unclu, this, Silver Lake is not getting a gunshot.
That's him. Is the website show live if you went to the website? No, it's not. Oh, it's not. That's really funny. Yeah, there's people like him, though. You're saying, right? I'm not creative like that. I wish I was. My humor works different than that.
But I wish I had the ability to do that. And that T-Mobile thing, that made me laugh a lot. That's really funny. I know it's kind of like when sometimes you're around guys who are just comedy writers only. And some of the shit that they just
come up with as an idea for a scene or something, you're like, wow, that is like, they have just a gift for that type of creativity, right? Are you good at that? I'm not good at that. I'm not good at conceptualizing the bigger picture, the scene. For me, it just comes in little spurts and little aggressive actions, and then I'm kind of done.
I mean, I like doing that kind of stuff, but I think I'm okay at it. But I definitely think there's people that are far better. You're great at like sketches. You're really good at that. Like coming up with a funny scenario, I think you're really good at that. I mean, I'm okay. I think I'm okay. I think what happens is once you put yourself in a room with the people who are really good at it, you're like, oh, Jesus Christ. You know what? Always a jealous of the Twitter people.
The great tweet the great tweets. Yeah, I just what was Colin's thing again? Colin he was just such an ass and that nothing bothers him and he'd always so hey fans And it's just so infuriated. He just doesn't care, but he really doesn't care So it works because it's legit. Yeah, he's just being ridiculous. He doesn't care. He's not trying to make any big points
No, and it always makes me laugh. Yeah. Oh, God. Well, yeah. The conflict between Arabs and Israelis is not just about land, but in my opinion, there's a religious aspect that can't be ignored.
It's just the amount of people that will go like, we fucking talking about it. They just don't understand that he's being idiot. Hey girls, if you want to look more appealing to me, forget the push-up bras and push up the sides of your mouth. A smile is the new tits, explanation mark. Yeah, this is amazing. I'm not a racist who believes in white privilege, but I do believe very strongly in white power.
I think he's probably like him or a tell and you hate saying those guys cuz like of all of everyone says them It's like saying with your prior or ship palette, but I think Colin is probably my favorite guy To walk because every year. It's a new hour. It's about something. Yeah, and it's really like he's never
I remember I was on stage one time at the cellar doing something, it was just, whatever, I was just going from A to Z quickly. And he just walked through and he went, nice writing, lazy. And he was right. I was fucking, I'm lazy. He never is lazy with his writing. It's always, it's never the easy road. He doesn't do the audience's emotional work. I just, he's just great. He's the best guy.
Yeah, his stand and then yeah, he can and then you like learn on his hours and shit Yeah, which is kind of annoying that kind of annoys me. Yeah, I don't like that. He actually you see it clipping like wow. I really didn't know that That's what he wants me to say. I hate him. I do too But the material is great like he's able to take these dry subjects Like the Constitution is not a funny thing. No, and he makes it though
Now, red state, blue state, those are not funny subjects, but he makes them hilarious. I remember with Dave too, I always tell this, but like when I had worked with him, this is like close to 20 years ago, and I had, he was like really complimentary, and I was like, you know, just starting kind of, I was like, this fucking amazing.
And then I saw him like a year later, and I did a set, and I did one of those jokes from the year before. And he was like, you're still doing that, huh? And I go, what? He goes, you're not writing? And I go, he's like, it's 20 minutes. You don't have to do 20 minutes. And I was like, he would be like an actor or something. And I was like,
And I was only a few years then, you know, it was like so cutting, but it was the same kind of thing where I was like, oh, I'm being lazy. Like I haven't. Yeah, he's telling you something. He's fucking with you. Yeah. But he's also such a great, like no matter what he says, you know, it's coming from a place of a guy who's brilliant. And I hate saying that because it's the word is thrown around too much. Yeah. But I mean, he really is fucking his mind. The jazz only has the ability to do that too. Like we're like with with Dave, you never see the punchline coming. And again, I have no idea where it's
You know, we write jokes, so you kind of know the fucking A.B. You never see it coming into the noise me. And Jezelne, even though he's got kind of like a cadence and a pace, and you have an idea of where it might be, 90% of the time, I still don't see what it's going to be. You predict you're like, this is going to be fucked up, or like, and you try to guess which fucked up it'll be, but you don't always know.
That's how I know I like that's how I think somebody is good with colony I never see it coming when I don't see it coming. I'm like fuck yeah Yeah, it's also I can't watch guys. I don't want to watch guys who I wish I was doing what they're doing. I know I know same that guy's better Yeah, it's upsetting. Do you get those those like weird petty I would say jealousies, but those weird like fuck
He's great and I'm just never gonna be that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah for sure, man I mean and then and I think the my maturity is in that in Accepting it like in the times when I go well, how about he's just great You know, I mean it's like it's like when you play sports right like fuck and someone's really and then one day you just go Yeah, he's just the best guy on the team like he's that's just what it is right at what point do we let go of?
I'm gonna could always that weird dream of being the best at being the one at what point do we say like yeah, I'm good at what I do But I'm not I'm not gonna be that guy and like when does that happen? I mean, I I don't I feel like I'm kind of I feel pretty much in that where I go, you know, I'm really lucky I'm really happy that I get to work and I have a fan base and you go Yeah, there's just days where you go like you know what?
I'm pretty proficient at what I do. And some people really like it. Yeah. And then you go, when people talk about like the best, the best, you go, it's these people. And I guess like depending, like I don't want to act like it's the same every day. But I think there's a point where you just go, yeah, that's who they talk about. They talk about those guys. Yeah. And that's fine.
Yeah, I'm okay with it too. I just don't know when it happened. Yeah, like I don't know what the period was where you like you kind of Slide into accepting that and going yeah, I'll be always be good at what I do and it's great and people some people like it and some people think it stinks Yeah, and that's fine. Yeah, but that group I'm not in that group. Yeah, I don't know when I came to accept that
Yeah, I know, I think it's a, I feel like it's kind of just this process because another year goes by and you're like, yeah, I'm not in that group. Are you on lists? I never wind up on lists. Never. I'm never on lists. But the key to see some of that, a lot of that is like the machine too of publicists. Yeah. And what also, who's publishing that, it's usually not. It's not the theme of peeps. It's not the, that's a lot of it. It's all of it. It is, it is what it is. It's bullshit. It's not real. It's not even to diminish
Those people who are super accomplished, but lists are PR machines. Yeah, that's what that's what is that is a lot of times this people on a list. A lot of times all have the same PR person. Yeah. And sometimes they're plugged into this thing. And, you know, it's almost like I think the longer you do it to when you start reading like reviews of a special and somebody's like, you'll remember where you were.
Oh, please. This isn't really accurate. You know, this is just one person's feeling. It's just like if I wrote it, it's just my feeling. But yeah, on the top 10 list, I'm never list. At top 10, I mean, I'm talking. Top 100, I just. Oh, stop. There he is. Oh, those are the same list. OK.
You guys both are on the same list. Well, some lists are amazing. Sigora and Norton, five, oh, and Netflix you need to watch. Here you go. You guys are on the same list. Wait, who made this? Did your producers make this up before? Yeah, it's on fucking, it's on writersbone.com. Thank you, writers. You got it. I know it's, it's, it's, it's, it's never, there's never time. It's also from 2014, Jim. Oh, right. Well, I'm just seeing it. Yeah. I feel refreshed. Feel better now. New sense of confidence. Yes, this is pretty great. Can you find any more lists?
Like good ones though 79 comedians We have to be on that right are we on? Okay, how are you made it has a master of fan base cool? What year is this this is probably this is probably Nick Swartzon. Yeah, this is only Yeah, this is gotta be I'm gonna guess this is 2015
This is not a new list. All the Mulaney's on it, so maybe it's not that old. What year is that from? 20, 20, 20.
He's like the prototype when they go, this is how you should, this is a comedian. Yeah. I think he's handsome. He's handsome. Great writer. Yeah. Very clever guy. And a good performer. It's always different. Yep. Yeah, you look at him and you're like, yeah, I get why he's really successful. But here's the thing, Jim Norton, is that if I want to hear about giving a five-year-old kid a blowjob, I want it from you. You're the only guy that can tell that story.
Well, when I was five, let's just clarify. Not like now. How do you get fired from driving a bus?
Exactly, yeah, so I wouldn't hear about it. But I mean, do you know what I mean? Like, John Mulaney can't do that. I don't want him to do that. I don't want him to blow five. You know what I mean? It's also my favorite type of... You guys know what I'm fucking saying, Schmucks. God, these are so mature grow up. To make it real clear, Jim is not talking about blowages now. Yeah, he isn't blowages now. No, not at all. I was also five. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I try to give him a compliment. Thank you. The point is I like but I like the deep weirdos and I've always liked that. I always like the darker stuff. And I'm not gonna like I don't like the stuff everyone else likes. You know what I mean? I think it's more valuable. Yeah, that you're a bit of a door course a weirdo. I like that.
If, if you hitting something in people or if they relate to something that they don't want to admit or talk about, it always feels good. Cause that's what makes me laugh. Like any, that's the stupidest thing. Oh, I was thinking that and I didn't want to say, but when you hear a comic hit something like that, it still makes me feel something. Yeah. I mean, that's what politics is. Somebody says something that I feel in my guts and the guys who are really good at being political are guys who know how to hit that thing. That's in your gut and make it look like that's the way everyone else should feel. So yeah, that's true.
You know, it kind of works. And the guy who can work the room the best is usually the guy who wins. The guy who can tap into that. Yeah, true story. I like, I've always, it's like the same reason like, I don't watch PG movies. I like watching rated R movies. Like that's what I want. And I like watching rated R comedians. Like that's my favorite thing to watch. Yeah, but this is bad news bearish. And I like to do it with much better shit.
Yeah, I don't like PG movies either. I just feel like, no, they're going to censor something out that I want to see. Yeah. It's almost like smoking in the bandit, which is such a great fucking hilarious movie. There's a line where Jackie Gleeson, like he sees the cop in the thing and he goes, next time we're a bad John Yeti, and it was covering the word dick. But it's so bad. It's such a bad afterdough.
But you can see his mouth. He goes next time where you're bad on your dick, which would have been a really funny line. Really funny, but they I think diety. Yeah, like your diet your diaper whatever that is. It was such a bad dub. He's amazing in that. He's so funny. I don't think I've ever seen a funnier performance by anybody anywhere than him. He's the funniest fat guy ever. Like again, blue, she was great. John Canty was great. Chris Farley's great. But in that realm of like larger than life fat guys. Yes.
Nobody was funnier than Gleason. Nobody. So funny, especially in this movie. Oh my god. Well, also I used to watch, I used to watch as a kid, I would watch the newlyweds, right? What was it called? What was the show that he was on from like the fucking... Oh, yeah.
I used to watch that as a kid all the time. He's like a clinic in funny, natural acting. And they said he wouldn't rehearse, and he would just kind of like, they said if he was rubbing his stomach and then he was trying to remember a line, he was just one of those guys that was just great in the moment, and the rest of them would want to rehearse. I think Joyce Randolph is the only one that got residuals out of that, Trixie.
Really? Yeah, I think her brother was a lawyer or her brother-in-law was a lawyer, and she signed something for like whatever she signed, but she wound up getting money over the years. Thank God. And the rest of them did not. Holy shit. Because back then it was live and done, and no one thought it would be anything else. Right.
because syndication didn't exist until I love Lucy, I think. Oh, yeah, she got it, dude. Ari Meadows was the only cast member of the honeymoon's received residual payments for the show throughout her life. This was due to a clause in her contract, which was the result of her manager's fight. Oh, see, I got a rookie. I thought it was Joyce Randolph. It was Audrey Meadows. OK, it was one of those. But, bro, that's amazing. Yeah, she was really funny, too. She was like the first feminist on TV. Like, she always won. She was always right. She was always smarter than a fucking husband. And she brutalized him. Yeah.
I mean, some of the lines were just, they were just really, really monstrously funny things she got to say. It's the best show ever. It's incredible. They couldn't touch sex. They couldn't touch divorce. Nothing that you could kind of, they had such a limited... Yeah.
Boundaries where they could work in corridor. Yeah boundaries and they were just you see the original Alice just doesn't work No, there's like an original Alice and I think she played a maid on later episodes But they a couple of them. I think I think her and Trixie were the second ones
Great show. Amazing. You have never seen an episode. You don't have to watch. You don't have to watch. To the moon. Oh, it's amazing. Like I know, I've seen takeouts or whatever. Wow. I've never watched a full episode. No. There's only 39 of the classic, like there's other ones that were shot for, like, I think, what are the complicated stars that ever show us. But the 39, like, the guts of the series episode, the big ones. Wow, you've never seen them. That's amazing. No, I was watching Mr. Ed growing up.
Mr. Red was good. This is great. And the Jeffersons, but that's not black and white. Sherman Hemsley, I got to know him a little bit. Really? Yeah, not well, but he would come around. He was doing stand up and he would do, me and Vos hung out with him. And he's probably at that time, there was the most famous person I'd ever been around because every homeless people, everyone recognized George Jefferson. But he went on to Carolines and he was like kind of half sold.
room, and he walked on to the Jefferson's theme song, and he just did like, you know, 35, 40 minutes to stand up. And I think he brought people on, but it was nice to get to know them. But yeah, you know, nice guy, sweet guy. Very nice guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he'd be kept in touch for a while. And then he died.
Yeah, I ended that. Let me, can I ask you to throw the cans on for just one second here? Sure. So, because I always, I think you're the perfect person to do this with. Oh yeah, great. Is there, can you hear well? I know you have, are you? Yes, all good. So we'll show you these videos. Sure. Just a few clips and you just, you just tell me whether you think it's horrible or hilarious. Okay. So we just like to play these for people.
Oh he laughed though, yeah. It's both. It's horrible and it's hilarious. It's both. It is both. There's one more time. Here we go. Dude, I can see myself doing this. Oh yeah, we can all, I mean. You just sleep. Oh dude, right in the kneecap. Because you get confident sometimes around a pool, you're like, I'm gonna have fun now. I'm gonna let, I'm a kid again. And then, yeah, you forget that you can break everything.
And pool disasters, like when someone jumps off a roof, you're so vulnerable because it's all concrete, and you smash your knees. Yeah, pool disasters are terrible. Concrete, steel, and then, or a shallow end. It can all go sideways for you. You can wind up in a wheelchair easy.
Oh yeah, this is pretty reckless. These guys are kind of assholes, man. Yes. Like people are standing around. This is... Oh, that's not cool. She's fucked up. Yeah. She's super fucked up. She is, yeah. But it's hard not to laugh because she knows something's about to happen. Yeah, you do. And those guys are going, you know, that's definitely more than 30 miles an hour. That's a dick move, yeah. Yeah. That's a dick move. But again, I see the humor in it. Watching somebody get flattened is always funny. It's always funny. Yeah.
Is this how congested it is when you sled? No, this is crazy. And they're real crazy because you could have cleared it. You know what I mean? You could have found a path. No, it's not normally like this. They just wanted to zip through people. They wanted people as their obstacles. Oh, dicks. Oh, I don't like this one. Oh, fuck it. I like this one.
And that's not, I've seen really bad ones. That wasn't bad at all. No, cause it looks like the bar, it almost looks like what you would consider a girls bike. Like the boys bikes don't have the bars where your nuts could smash. Do they have that bar or is that bar low like in a girls bike? Cause it doesn't look like his balls get crunched too big. That's right. And also this is where you can tell that there's going to be a real problem is right when he's about to, yeah. He's reaching for me. That's going to be bad. Let's see.
of the bar. No, it doesn't look like a standard bar, right? Right. It looks like if that bar had been there right now, his balls would be smashed. But it looks like it's not there. It's almost like it's like an e-bike, maybe, because it's such a like a beach or a cruiser. This isn't like a dirt bike, is it? No. It's different. He's using the wrong bike. He is. Yeah. But he got lucky there. Save his balls. Save his balls. All right. This one's either gone, but his balls. This is my final one. There you go.
Oh my god. Did he lose his shoes? I mean he lost his face. He slid on his fucking face. Oh, that one got me. Yeah, that one got me. Oh
Fat idiot Having fun trying to like prove that he's still got it. He's still got it with his buddy These are two they're two dicks and khakis. Oh my god. We're in the same outfit by the way the same outfit these fucking morons Oh, no, clearly been drinking. Look at the stumble starts there Yeah, that's where he starts to go wrong. He's two blocks back and he's falling. He hasn't run and
Well, he's not wearing shoes, is that the problem? Because you probably had on dress shoes. Yeah. And this friend goes, you want to race like in the old days? Yeah. And he's going to take my shoes off. Oh, is that fantastic? His skin just came off his face. And I so wish we had the after shot of just like missing face.
Do you ever see shots of that like motorcycle accidents? I've seen like a lot of videos of people who like have these awful motorcycle accidents and the fucking pieces they have their faces gone. I can't get on a motorcycle. No way. I just saw a video of a tiger attacking a guy. Have you seen this? Was it in a cage in India?
Yeah, I think I think it's in some type of like it looks like it's like there's no reason for a person to be there and other people be outside of it. Right. So it must be like at a zoo or something. But anyways, he doesn't die. And the aftermath is insane.
I don't know if I saw it. How long did it last? That sounds really nice. Yeah. Did you watch that on the toilet this morning? I watched it last week. Yeah. I don't know how long the attack. So what happens is it starts with the, there's tigers around this dude and then somebody shoots like they're trying to like make the tigers run and the tigers scatter. But then one comes back and starts gnawing on the guy and clawing on him. And then it just goes to the hospital footage and these wounds are just
I have it on my I'll show it to you. Yeah, I'd love to see it. This is different. The one I'm thinking I was in a zoo or something and he had jumped into like the tiger cage and the tiger was just walking around with him dragging him by the head and people were throwing things. It's crazy.
When an animal like that is eating someone, intervention doesn't matter to it. Oh, you're fucked. You're just dead. You're doomed. He's not afraid of people hitting him. He's not intimidated by a lot of big cats too, even in the wild. They like to play with their prey before they eat it. So sometimes people are like, oh, that's cute. Like it's playing with that gazelle. You're like, no, it's going to eat it in a little bit here. He's having fun right now.
There was one video, it was from an African safari, and it was either a gazelle or it was one of those buffalo stuck in the mud, like up to the shore, and the lions are just eating it alive, and then they bite its asshole out, because I guess that's sweet, but they went for its asshole, and they bit his asshole out while he was alive.
Nature's very unpleasant. Yeah, and then intestines fall out. They're like, this is delicious. Yeah, well, they like to eat the soft tissue first. So that's why they'll eat organs like that first. So they'll eat like intestines and because they're like, oh, these are, it's easier to eat. And then they're like, all right, now we'll work through the tougher stuff. Yeah, and then the buffalo's just standing there. Just like in the noises.
God. But you can never tell. That's the same noise they make when they're hungry is the same noise they make when their assholes been eaten out by a fucking predator. You have no idea what they're very hard to read. That's very hard to read. All right. The new podcast is called Jim Norton. Can't save you. There's episodes out now. You're going to have guests that you choose to have on whatever you want. And you also have another podcast with Nikki.
It's called Sword Fight, and we've just been doing it where we have guests come on, and most of them are comics. And I just wanted to do something with it, because she makes me laugh. That's awesome. And yeah, we do it once a week, and I love it. Awesome. Thank you for coming in. Thank you. You guys are great. Thank you. We appreciate it. All right, we'll see you guys next week. Bye. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy. Yeah. Tommy. Tommy. Tommy.
Would you marry your dad? Just like, just like the gays. Just like, just like the gays. Would you marry your son? Yes, of course. My God. I wish I could. Call me. Would you marry your dad?
Did you marry your son? Oh my god. Yeah. Yeah. Would you marry your dad? Yeah, of course. I live for this shit. Yeah. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Would you marry your mom? No. Come on. I think I'm very my dad.
Now, please, no. Would you marry your dad? Yeah, of course. For sure. Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I really would, anyway. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like the gays. Just like just. Would you marry your dad?
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