The Hinged or Unhinged One

Hi, I'm Otto. Welcome to M. Sarah's podcast. Did you just have a lazy surgery? Here's the thing. What's the thing? I am fully sick. Okay, I'm fully sick. I'm sneezing every second. You know what? You know what's bad when you're sneezing a lot?

Constantly. I mean, you're acting as if your daughter wasn't sick and then got me sick and I was having these same symptoms and then now you have them. I'm not telling you, Erin, that you can't have the symptoms, have the symptoms. I'm talking about myself. And I'm just saying it's bad. I'm just saying I do know what it's like because this was me, you know, 48 hours ago. Yeah, we'll put some sunglasses on. You'll look better if you do. Oh, I honestly feel, I feel okay though. I don't look that sick. I mean, I look pretty pale, I guess.

You look pretty lifeless. You look a little, you look a little white. You look a little bit. You know what? I need to re-blush my lips. They finally faded. Yeah, I know, but you looked insane for a solid week.

No, well, yeah, maybe, no, no, no. No, no, it was like two days. You guys, Erin, no, I stand by it was the best thing I've ever done. Cosmetically speaking. Wait, really? Cosmetically speaking. I would look crazy if I did that. No, cosmetically speaking, your nose job was the best thing you ever done. Okay, that's true. But the second best thing I ever did was lip blushing. 100% hands down.

Best thing I ever did. There's a lot of sounds in the background. Do you have Montana organizing things back there? So no, I'm going to tell you what I'm doing. What's the date today? November 18th. You know what's happening in my house? The Christmas lights are going up.

Oh, okay, it's very loud. The Christmas brothers are here. The Christmas brothers? That's the name. By the way, they're really expensive. I should get a discount. I just gave them a huge shout-out, you know? Oh my God, the Christmas brothers is amazing. That's the name of the company. And... Wait, but I feel like they're limiting themselves by calling themselves the Christmas brothers, because you could- What should they be the Christmas sisters?

No, I'm saying it's not brothers. It's the problem. It's Christmas. That's the problem because you could you know spoken like or spoken like a passionate Jew the Jewish brothers They could be by the way the Jewish brothers would not be good for business. No would not No, I've been saying they could be the decoration brothers. Oh the deck the decorative brothers Yes, and then you can be decorating for lots of holidays not just Christmas How about the holiday brothers?

Okay. What other occasions besides Christmas are people lighting up their entire homes? I'll tell you. Hanukkah. What if I want to light up for Hanukkah? So would Jews not call the Christmas brothers?

Hell no, I mean, I would. Aaron let me. Aaron, we're, Aaron, we've been divided long enough. It's time things are changing. We're coming together. We're coming together. I wouldn't call it the Christmas brothers for a Hanukkah lighting. I wouldn't. By the way, by the way, people can't really get canceled anymore, you know, but that you might get canceled. Like in Trump's America, you can't get canceled. Well, did you listen to the Sam Harris podcast? I sent it to you, babe.

See what happens. Wow. See. Well, Molt, first of all, let me be clear. I mean, probably, okay. Okay. I was the first person to send it to you. Many people sent it to me. I have you listened to this in Paris.

Oh my God. Aaron, I'm not, today is not my day. I'm, I have like a head cold. It's one of those things where every day is not your day in quotes. When's it gonna be your day? I had to make a list of things to talk to you about because I'm, it's, you know, normally I'm, no, normally I'm, I'm exploding on all cylinders, you know? I'm keeping the pod moving. I would almost consider myself the, the MC of this podcast. I am the narrator.

I keep it going and then you obviously weigh in and have, you're also there. You weigh in, you are very, you give great advice because you've been through a lot. You know, I think that's why, I think that's why you give better advice because honestly you've been through so much.

I was thinking about that the other day I was like God she really has great advice on so many on so many things that it hit me it hit me like a ton of bricks I was like poor thing I mean she has so much so much to draw from whereas me

I've literally slept with like six people in my entire life. It's so good. It shows that I said this to someone recently. I was like, well, I've only slept with six people. And it's so people think I lie. Like people actually think that when I say that I'm like a psychopathic, psychopathic liar. Nope, not a word psychopathic. I don't think it's a word.

I'm a deranged liar. People look at me like, please, they can't even believe it. But guys, it's true. Well, your Instagram tells a different story. Your Instagram is just hardcore slut. Just like, always putting it out there.

Wow. Yeah. So you're, you're slut-shaming. 100%. All right. Well, but let's be real for a second. I am a total prude. And I think you need to, you need to corroborate this information. I have corroborated it many a time.

You are a prude, prude up and down square. No, I've lived like no life and I've never had a one night stand. I never will. And I mean, I guess never say never, but it's not looking good for me to do that. Definitely never say never. I mean, you know what I am? There's a word for it. You're only attracted to somebody if you are emotionally attached to them. There's a word for it.

Demi something. I don't know. What's the word? There's a word for me. There's a word for I'm sure Montana knows. I think the word for it is boring. I like being boring. I think I'm just I've just settled into being boring. See what happens when I'm not firing on all cylinders. We just sit here like you don't keep the train on the tracks. We're not just sitting here. I've laughed. You've laughed.

You look insane. I mean, just looking at you is going to entertain the audience if they get visuals. I know, but my eyes, I have cold eyes. You know, I'll show you. Let me give you a look. Yeah, your eyelids are like kind of red.

Yeah, you better, you should put them back on there. You look better with one. I know I'm fully sick. I have a head cold. I have a head cold. I have a God, why do we have a visual component to this podcast? Like, let's just you beg for one.

Oh my God, Sarah Montana must be, I was gonna say, rolling over her grave, but she's alive and well. But Sarah just saying, why do we have a visual component? Alison, are you looking to quit just hearing that? First of all, you fucking jerks, listen. I have only advocated for a visual component because our listeners are constantly asking for it. It's not like I give a shit, I can look at myself in the mirror every day. Sarah, you two have one message about something and it's like the whole world asking you.

Erin. Demisexual. That's what I am. I'm a demisexual. Or a sapiosexual means a person who's sexually attracted to highly intelligent people. I'm a sapiosexual. I don't think that you seem to be attracted to hot, rich people. Whoa.

Well, I mean, considering I've been with the same person for 17 years, you're just basing this off what I was like in my 20s or early, by the way, early 20s. I met Tommy when I was 25. Yeah. Yeah, but your type was pretty consistent.

I can't say it was highly intelligent people. I'll tell you this, I'll tell you this, rich, rich, no, but good looking, yes, good looking. Sarah, okay, we're not gonna go down this road. Everyone you've dated has been rich in that as a fact, but you think of dating rich as like a 90 year old man being rich. Like a billionaire, no, you've never done that. No, no, no, no, no, that's not my MO, you know what I'm saying?

No, but it should be to be clear. It never will be. The amount of billionaires that are, no, it's a no for me. It's a no. How many? Because there's only like 10 of them. All of them. I don't know. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

All the billionaires. I think I'm gonna be, I think I'm, well, we know I'm a sapio. What am I? I'm a sapio. No, I don't think you're that personally, but demisexual. Demisexual. Or people will only experience sexual attraction after forming a strong emotional connection with someone. That's you, demisexual. That's me. I could never, the amount of hot people I've been around in my life where they're flirting with me or whatever it is. And I'm like, oh, I'll throw up on you. Not interested.

But you know me, I have problems. I have problems. I have issues. Yeah, you do have issues. But you know, ever before you dive into your story, I gotta talk about me. I feel like we talk about you a lot.

All right, let's hear your little story. No, no, no. No, no, no. I'm dying to hear this story. Tell us. It's not a story. I was just going to say that when I was single and dating and Charles and I were really close and he was my best friend. I mean, he's still my best friend, but he lives in New York is that I would be like, oh, I'm not really into that guy. And Charles would be like, really? But he has such a good body.

You should just do it. And I'd be like, a good body. Ew, like who cares? Like guys body. But like gay guys really care about guys bodies. And the thought of me like being like, I don't know Sarah, I just had to do it. Like he had such a good body. It's never. Can I? That is so crazy to me too. But girls are weird. Like for instance, like, okay, so you know like Cristiano Ronaldo's body? Like I'm sure you can just quickly Google me. I don't know it, but I can imagine it.

Okay, to me, that body is disgusting. Okay, now, no, no, I call me crazy. I'm being serious. And this is the guy, this is probably the guy that every girl would be like, that is the dream to me a chiseled 12 pack with like oil on it is I would

Never, ever. I like, I like. A dad bod. A dad bod.

but no, not a dad bod, but I would prefer a dad bod. I can't explain it. It's like I like, broad shoulders, big hands. I'm not interested in a 12 pack. That has never been, I've never been with anyone with a 12. Well, Tommy had a... Actually, yeah, Tommy and Tommy definitely had that. But Tommy is... But Tommy is like, yes, it's just different. I mean, Tommy was like looking at himself in the mirror all the time and like flexing. That would be part of the problem. Oh my God.

but Tommy was just like had that has or had that body as a consequence of what he did. It wasn't like he was like in the gym like doing sit-ups.

No, no, there's just, listen, we're all, we're all different. We're all different. And like a Cristiano Ronaldo body, when I hear my girlfriends talking about him, I'm like, what? That, that is just, it's just not it. Do your girlfriends talk about it? I feel like you have like these phantom stories that aren't real that you talk about. Like I don't picture your friends sitting around being like, Cristiano Ronaldo has got such a good body.

Well, it's not a topic of discussion a lot, but of course it's come up. But I am interested. It is interesting how, yeah, it's funny that Charles would say that too. But look, I think most women do talk about bodies and they say, you and I aren't like that. No, I promise you, none of my friends care about guys' bodies.

Oh, it's like, I mean, you said Simon was gonna, Simon wanted to lose weight. I was like, he should, that is the last thing he should do, or Simon looks better when he's got more weight on him.

I think. Absolutely. I mean, I just think when a guy is like too physically like perfect, it feels like womanly to me, you know? I just want like a guy. Like you don't want a guy overthinking it. You know, he's like, you don't want to like see how much he thinks about his own body. No, we want men that are going to chop down a tree, you know, going to chop down a tree. That's what we want. We want the man that's going to chop the wood.

because it's cold outside, we need a fire. Simon, I don't think he's gonna chop wood. Gonna build the fire. He would definitely hire someone to do it. Okay, not as long as the wood gets chopped. I guess as long as the wood gets chopped, but I'd prefer it being chopped by the hands of somebody. You know what I mean? Well, that's a high bar you're looking for. Yeah, Sarah, what is your type? I'm a demisexual who's looking for someone with a nose, had a chop wood with their broad shoulders and big hands.

Okay, I think we could find this person. That person exists. That person has to exist, right? Yeah.

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Oh, Montana told me that Watch What Happens Live sent you a gift bag, because they felt bad. Oh my God, they did. They said, we heard you didn't get a gift, the gift bag. And so here it is. But like, I mean, they didn't explain why they didn't give it to me in the first place. So they were pretending like it was accidental, I guess. But I'm not buying it. It's a good gift bag though, right? I haven't opened it yet. Just on principle. Relatable Queen doesn't care about all the free good stuff.

Our little relatable queen. Okay, second thing I wrote down. Are you aware? Cause I did not know who these people were.

chicken fry and the Zach Bryan thing. Yes. Are you aware of this? Okay. I'm aware, but like very minimally. By the way, we shouldn't talk about this without knowing the full facts. She's probably lovely. We don't know these people. We actually don't know the details. We saw blurbs on some bullshit. I heard a story. I don't know if it's true or not, but I read it online that he was married to someone who was in the military.

and he mailed her divorce papers. She didn't know it was coming. It arrived to her while she was deployed in the mail. Okay, by the way, terrible. That is awful. He sounds awful. I mean, if you leave that long, I'm just kidding. Erin! Oh my God. Erin, okay. Erin, I think this is the episode that's gonna do her in. She's shaming Christmas. She's shaming deployment, deployment, and she's, what was the third thing? It was the third thing that you shamed.

Um, there was a third thing. There was a third thing. I'm sure there was. I don't remember what it was. I don't know. I think this is, this is my take down episode. Yeah. Very, very, very anti-American.

There was this one time that I was at the airport. I don't remember which airport, Nashville or something. And there was a woman who was in like full military gear and she asked me, there was like a, like a plug where I was sitting and she was like, do you mind plugging my phone in over there? Or like maybe it's even with my charger, like would do, could I charge my phone in there or whatever? And I put it in and then when I handed her my, her phone back, I was like, so we're like, even now, like,

I made a joke. Meaning that you served our country, I charged your phone. It's like we've basically both done, you know, amidst for each other. She's us. She liked it. I'm offended. No, I think, listen, you get away with saying inappropriate. You get away with saying crazy shit. That's true.

You really get away from the same crazy shit. People don't even check you, where they're like, honestly, she's not on one out. But guess what? What I'm saying isn't crazy. I'm just saying what everyone's thinking, but just as afraid to say. What a lot of people are thinking and afraid to say. Yeah. Maybe reframe, maybe give me a compliment instead of trying to be a bitch. Well, you are dissing me. Oh, yeah, I'm right. That's, yeah.

But you know what, you just mean I'll just compliment you. That's how this works. Yeah, I like that. That's a better system for us. I will say you do get away with saying a lot of things that I feel and think but I can't say. I will say that. But what were we just going down? Oh, me, I'm getting canceled. I was saying that after love is blind aired, you know, Hannah was just like pretty

awful to watch, and everyone was hating on her, and it was kind of rightfully so. I mean, she was pretty awful on it. And afterwards, not skinny, but not fat, Amanda Hirsch, I think she had Hannah on her podcast, and people were like, why would you have her on? And I think I even was like, oh, why would you? She's awful. And Amanda posted this story that I thought was so smart. She was just like,

Guys, it's like to your point, Sarah. This is a TV show where you date each other and she was shitty to the guy that she was with and was like, you know, a brat and was a bitchy to him. What do you want? You want her to kill herself? Is that what you want? Like you won't be happy till she kills herself. Like what do you want? Like you want her whole life to be taken away from her? You want her to cease to exist? You want her to grovel in apologize? Like what would be enough for you? Like you want to ruin her life over that?

Like, yes, maybe she was a bitch on a TV show. And then what? Like, never hear her side of the story? Like, truly. And I really resonated from when she was like, do you want her to kill herself? Because that is the point that people get to, who have the internet turn on them. Like, what would be enough? Okay, take us back to your list, girl. I know, but now I wish I didn't say the list, because the list is short. There's barely anything left on it. It's getting us somewhere.

I'm glad we didn't take Netflix's invitation up on that fight. Invite Jesus. We can talk about the fight. That was hard to watch. That was hard to watch. No, but they had some some A-listers there. I feel like people went.

I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the fight, watching Mike Tyson, Iron Mike, get beat like that. That was hard to watch, but it's all for show. It's all for show. I mean, I think that that guy could... I don't know if that's true. No, Aaron, that guy Jake could have knocked him out in the first round. You don't think that this is all planned, like you can't knock him out. You got to go all 10 rounds. You got to blah, blah, blah. Come on, wake up. I don't know if that's...

planned. It did not, to me, the first two rounds, it looked like Jake was shook, and he was nervous. It was like, holy shit, I'm in the ring with this guy. I didn't realize what it was going to feel like. He seemed nervous the first two rounds and didn't seem like he could knock him out. Then there was a clear switch where you could see, looking at Mike Tyson's legs, for me, was like, it looked like an old man shuffling. It was really sad. Oh, no, that's not what I meant. His body's incredible for 60 years old.

No, he looked like he was struggling. He couldn't stand his ground very easily, and it did look sad. And it does seem like Jake could have knocked him out at some point and chose not to. And I thought that was actually very respectful of him and mature of him. Yeah, it just goes. Jake Paul lost to Tommy Fury, LOL. I don't think he's that good.

I don't know who Tommy Curie is. I don't know who Tommy Curie is, yeah. But I'll say this, that Simon's take on it is that Jake is actually a really good fighter, but he's like, call me when you fought a real fighter. Like fight, like, like fight a fighter who is in the prime right now, not like a NBA star, not like a former fighter, but like a current fighter right now. And then that will prove that he's a good fighter. Well, he's also a Tiktoker.

I don't think, I mean, there's a very big difference between, first of all, I believe he wouldn't be heavyweight, right? This is not like, he's not a, he wouldn't be in the same class as a van der Holyfield. And who's the British guy? I don't know anything about the weight classes. I saw Mike Tyson fight the British guy. What's his name? I wish we, wish we had a fact checker around here that we could just call the British guy. What's his name?

Anyone, anyone there? Julius Francis? No, Alison. You mean older guys. No, not this. This fight would have happened maybe in 2005. Anyways, it's a moot point. It doesn't matter. But the point is you can't compare real heavyweight fighters to Jake Paul. Tyson Fury. Also, no. Someone, Tana, saying also, no.

No, if you're a fan there. What is his name, Lewis? I was thinking, I was going to say Lewis Hamilton, but I knew it wasn't him. No, Lewis, there's a fighter named Lewis, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got me. I know who you're talking about. We just discussed this. Simon was asking Tom Woodger if he grew up watching boxing and he was like, yes, Lennox Lewis. Thank you. Thank you. That guy is. Thank you. I saw him fight Tyson, I believe.

Was it Tyson? Maybe it wasn't Tyson. Maybe it was someone else. But it was Lennox Lewis. Okay, you seem very sure about one thing, which is Lennox Lewis and nothing else. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm not that well-versed in boxing, but I'm pretty sure that this is child's play compared to the prime of guys like that.

But I could be wrong. Yeah, I could be wrong. Yes. Oh, there it is, the fight you watched, Sarah. Lennox Lewis versus Mike Tyson. Where did it go down, Allison? We love it. I was there, I was there. Sarah Foster was there. Okay, Lennox Lewis versus Mike Tyson, billed as... Tennessee? Nope, it was in Vegas. Okay, so Sarah, I don't know if you were there. Maybe I was there in my mind. Yeah. No, I was there.

Because the venue is the pyramid in Memphis, Tennessee. I was there and I was not in a turtleneck. What does that mean? No, I was in like Frankie B's and like a bikini top, I'm sure. Oh, yeah, for sure. Oh, yeah. Nope. I was not at that fight in Tennessee. Nope.

Oh, it was originally scheduled for Vegas. And then they switched because Nevada refused to grant Tyson a license after a press conference brawl between Lewis and Tyson. So maybe you went to Vegas, not knowing that it has been rescheduled to Memphis. And then you watched it on TV. I think that's what's happening. Maybe that's what no, but you know what, you were there and they were like Sarah. It's in Memphis.

Erin, this was during the time in my life. I don't know if we've ever talked to the pod about this when I was a poker player.

Oh, yeah. That was a dark time. I don't know. You would drive to what's up. No, you guys commerce commerce. Yeah, that was dark. I would drive to commerce casino. I would drive to the bicycle casino in even a worse part of town. I would sit at no limit tables through the night into the next day. Drive that little Prius with David Bordalucci. He'd be like your, your like driver. He was like my, he was like my bodyguard, like your road dog. Yeah.

And guys, I don't think we've ever talked about my poker days. Anyways, that was a real set up and it went nowhere. Oh yeah, it was Molly's game era. In fact, I was at one of Molly's first games. Yeah, she was like the assistant of, well, yeah, because of Toby.

Yeah, you enjoy that. I was at these games when... Deep in that world. Yeah, when the buy-in was like $200 is what I'll say. And then the buy-in became about $2 million. Jen and I used to make pasta for everybody. Are you sure you weren't one of those girls that would like massage the guys while they were playing? Can you imagine? Can you imagine? No, but there were those girls. I never saw that movie.

No, you guys, I was me, Jen and I were... It's... Sarah has lived many lives. She didn't do much in them, but she played poker. That's the thing, guys. I never did anything in any of these lives. If you look back at the world I lived in, God, what a loser I was.

But you know what, I don't regret any of it. I don't regret being approved. I really don't though. Like all jokes aside, I don't. Like I look back at, I don't feel like, oh God, I should have done that with this. I'm good with it. I feel so great that I can count on, I was going to say one hand, but basically one hand.

the people I've been with. I think it's not all about sleeping with people though. Don't you have to like, I know more people. It's more just like, I just like free and open and enjoying where you go, what you're doing and being present and living for yourself and not others. It's like all that stuff.

What is Montana saying? I feel like Sarah is like a vampire where you can see her in like all these old photos and like in the background of important events like she is everywhere. I didn't go. Yeah. All right. We're going off the rails here.

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Oh, good news for you. Apparently, I don't go on tech talk, but apparently there is a fashion reviewer who is very rude to people and who said you looked really good at baby-to-baby and quotes no notes. Perfect. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think he said perfect. I saw that. I believe Montana sent it to me and I was very excited about it. Yeah, because you never get good fashion reviews. You're not really thought of as like a fashionable person.

I don't know if that's what is happening, but should we bring up when you were worse dressed next to somebody and us weekly, you wore the same fur coat as a rapper or something? Who was it? When they do who wore it better, it's never me. It's never me. I'd always like, Sarah Foster gets 15%. It was like, who did you lose against? Yeah, I remember, I think I got it. I feel like it was the person that Rob Kardashian had a baby with.

I swear, I think that's who it was. I don't know who that is. By the way, you're so sick. You probably framed it somewhere. Go get it. Go get it. You know you framed it. Go get it. I'll be right back. Yeah, just go get it. We'll wait. We'll be right back. Honestly, I think I posted it. I think I posted it. You think? I'm sure you did post it. I think it's about my phone. Yeah, it's your screen saver. No, I've never worn it better.

Never. So I know. Wait, but what was I just saying? Oh, yeah. So, yeah. Okay. When I went to baby baby, I wore a Monique. The rails. No, I wore a Monique Lillier dress that was red and gorgeous. And by the way, you're welcome. You're welcome. You probably wouldn't have even picked that one. If I didn't make it very clear to you, it was the only one you should wear. Be honest. You were leaning pretty far across the board. Everyone liked that one.

Are you sure you were leading towards some floral situation? Yeah, I also did like the floral one. I did like that one, but I was happy with the red. I mean, I couldn't breathe all night, but breathing is overrated. Breathing is overrated when you get reviewed on TikTok from someone who's apparently very judgmental.

But my only thing is that in that video, he basically complimented everybody that he was reviewing. So I just don't know where I'm so lucky. Oh, you know why? Maybe it was charity. So he didn't want to dis people out of the chair going to a charity event. So yeah. I used to be really funny on Instagram. I'm seeing this now.

You missed the old me. You have no presence anymore on social media. You're none whatsoever. It's like sad. Yeah, you're pretty irrelevant on social. I feel that way. God, I used to do lots of funny jokes about you and Simon together, those paparazzi pictures of you guys together.

I remember it looks like you guys were having a lover's quarrel. No, you guys, there were these. It literally looks like you guys are having like a lover's fight. It literally, and you know what, okay, there was these photos where Simon and I are standing outside of a restaurant or something, and it looks like we are in a full boat and you know what we were doing. We were talking about your engagement ring.

No way. Yes. We were talking about, by the way, I would just also like to go on record saying, you're welcome for that engagement ring because everyone else said you would not want that ring. I was the only person that said that is her ring. And now it's like the most, you know, infamous ring around. You're welcome. My God, that was you.

Thank you. You did a great job. But no, you used to be really funny. You used to have a great personality and Simon kind of sucked it out of you. He replaced it. He replaced it with these good values and this just subservient, you know, what? Oh, it's like so you're afraid to be controversial. So now I'm having to be triple controversial because you're so

boring. I know. Everything you're saying is true. All right, back to my list. There's only one thing left on my list and it's really not interesting. I'm going to be in Palm Beach if anyone wants to come and see me. That's what you want to promote, a store opening? Well, I just, I'm looking at the list and on the list, it said Palm. Oh my God, this is a really funny post. This is a picture of me.

standing in front of the like Hudson River in New York, like looking out to the water. And it says me searching for my wallet on a first date.

You know what you should do? That's really funny. You should just go back to the vault and just repost as if they're new. It'll revive you. It'll revive you. It got 10,000 likes. That's really fucking funny. Oh my God, that's really funny. God, what happened to me? This is upsetting me right now.

Who am I? I think you're doing okay in life, you know? I hate to give you a compliment, but I think you're doing okay. All right. You know that this episode is not going well when Alison starts texting. We have a lot of questions. Yeah, but I can't stop until I find this thing. No, you're not going to be happy until you, you know, tell the audience about how much better and close black China looks than me. Oh, that's who it is. Well, I don't know. You said Rob Kardashian's ex is that that's his ex.

Oh, I found it. When bad clothes happen to good people. I think you're right. It is. Oh, yeah, it is black china. Oh my God. My caption says congrats to Sarah and black china on their chic fashion sense. When bad clothes happen to good people.

I mean, that top's not that bad of yours. I mean, it's silly. By the way, that's a very, very, very chic designer. Shall I say the name? No, I mean, it's honestly, I think it's cute. Thank you. You've done a lot worse. Oh, Erin. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That felt good to find it though. That is OK. I've been in that many times when bad clothes happen to good people. That's kind for them to reference me as a good person. So that's good.

Oh, my God. Wow. You really like missed the old me right now. Well, you can get it back. You can get your mojo back. I don't think I can. No, you can. You just have to... I have to want it. No, I don't know. Maybe you can't. Maybe the ship has sailed. It's all right. You're doing okay in life. It's weird, right? To like... What?

I don't know. I'm just going to say it's weird to be having mainstream success in the way that you want to. But then I look at Instagram and I'm like, wait, but I want to be funny on Instagram. It's hard to be funny on Instagram, but it wasn't hard for me. There's a lot of people

Well, because it comes naturally to you. There's a lot of people who try to be funny on social media and who borrow other people's humor and comedy, and it just doesn't land, but it comes naturally to you. So, yeah. Okay, well now, now I'm in a bad mood. All right, well, let's get you out of it. Back to Palm Beach.

It looks like I got to check it off the list. I can check it off the list. Guys, favorite daughter is coming to Florida, Palm Beach specifically. We will be at the Colony Hotel. This is a... I don't think I'm going, sir. I think it's just you. This is an iconic hotel. Yeah, but they don't care if you're there. I mean, they're still going to...

Oh yeah, no, Aaron will be there. But I believe I will have, I don't want to, cause I posted, oh, we'll be there the four to the fourth to the eighth. I will not be there all those times. So don't show up. I think you need to like decide, like figure out what you're talking about and then maybe come back to this because you're giving all these dates that you're going to be there, but not there. Okay. You know, I don't know what you're telling people to do.

No, Erin, listen to me right now. I am not okay. I took an antihistamine. It's not, I think I'm having a reaction to it. No, I'm serious. I'm feeling really loopy. Okay, Montana has come in with the cold hard facts. It's December 4th to the 7th, but Sarah will only be there on the 5th.

Wait, what? Yeah. Oh, God, that's not, I have people that are, oh, driving in from other parts of this, of the, of the state to see me on the sixth Montana. Are you Montana? Don't, don't play with me right now, Montana. I'm only going to be, I'm only going to be there on the fifth. Yeah. Hold on a second. No, you're, you're sending people on a goose chase.

All right, we'll get back to you on this guys. So maybe figure this out before you talk about it. No, Aaron, people wrote me saying, Oh my God, booked a flight. This is bad. Yeah, this is bad. All right, I'll get back to you guys. This is bad. All right, Aaron, take over now, please. All right. Well, multiple people want to know about a day and Noah's life. LOL. Okay, hold on. What do you mean multiple people? It's one question. Well, Allison says multiple people.

All right, tell us about her day. Well, I'll tell you this. This girl dress as well. Let me tell you something. This is, when are we gonna show her face? Her face is so cute. We gotta show her face. I know, I'm dying too. I almost posted that adorable picture of her the other day. I almost couldn't help it. This is crazy that you're just like, oh, I almost posted your baby the other day? Well, you told my kid Santa Claus was fake, so it no better off. No, I did not. I can do whatever. First of all, having a 13 year old who believes in Santa Claus is honestly weird. It's honestly weird.

So I'm glad I told her. And she took me into it. You know what? I'm going to post that picture of Noah. Now I'm mad all over again. I'm going to post it. And honestly, she's so cute. She deserves for the world to see her with that little face. I know. And her clothes. Do you have a stylist for her? Why does she always look so good? Why does she always look so good? My kid... What is she did, honestly? I dressed my kids in Old Navy and the Gap. Speaking of them, where'd you get that outfit?

I got you that for your birthday. Yeah. Valentina, can you come over here for a second? Did you wear this to school? Yeah. Where's the school? Happy, the school had words with me, by the way, that she wears the same thing to school every day because she only wears a gray skim suit. She has multiple of them. But the school was like, maybe buy your daughter some clothes? Yeah. Valentina, I have a question for you. Can you hear me? Would you say that I'm the person who told you that Santa didn't exist? Who told you that Santa wasn't real Aaron, right? Oh, Halo and her nanny.

told you. That's not true. Why don't stop defending Erin? I know what you're doing. She doesn't want to. She's just defending you. No, my friend didn't tell me said I wasn't real. I just happened to like overhear a conversation that her name, my friend's nanny was having about like putting gifts in the trunk of a car or something, right? I was like, wait, what do you mean this is going to be? But be honest, Erin has told you very inappropriate things, correct?

Okay, get out of here. You're just defending her. What was that? What did you ask her? What did you about me? Oh, yeah. Oh, about your boobs. I did sort of accidentally tell your boobs to pick. I'm so excited to post this picture of Noah. I mean, she's so cute. The world's going to love this. And by the world, I mean, my 10 followers. Oh, they're going to be so blown away by her adorable face. Did you see the picture? You know what? I'm going to throw her a Paris, too. I'm going to throw her a little.

Oh my God. Did you see the pic I just sent you? Oh, she's so cute. God, she's huge. Did you tell the audience that she's in like the 150th percentile? No, we went to her six month checkup. It's crazy. And she is the size of an 11 month old baby. And in weight, she is what they call off the charts, which means she's

past 99th percentile and they don't measure a weight as heavy as hers. It doesn't sound like she's six months old and she's 20 pounds.

I don't know if that sounds, how that sounds, but apparently it's pretty large. But I said to the doctor, do we like that? I know what you said to the doctor. You said, do you get babies, Ozambic? No, I love that she's chubby, but I was just making sure that there wasn't two chubby. I said, do we like that? And he was like, we love it. There's nothing cuter and healthier than a chubby baby. She's perfect. Yeah. Nothing gets me more excited than talking to you guys about scams because it is

I will, I wear skims every single day. The underwear, the bra, usually a t-shirt, a long-sleeve t-shirt, but here's the thing. They're holiday shop.

is I just, they just keep hitting it out of the park every day and time. This is also, no, let me say, this is the one time a year I want to match, have matching pajamas, like with the kids, you know, it's the one time a year, let's match, let's wear cute like onesies, let's wear cute Christmas pajamas, let's take pictures, let's have these memories,

And let me tell you something, Skims, they do it best. They really do. Well, listen, ever since I was pregnant and I couldn't fit into any bras, all I would wear were the Skims Fits Everybody Scoop Brallet. It's like you're wearing like a cute sports bra. I don't know. It's just like there's something about it that really works for me. And now that I'm breastfeeding all this stuff, it's the only thing that I wear. And I'm so happy because it's in the Skims Holiday Shop. And so there's these really cute prints. I got the, I'm looking at it right now. I got the red like snowflake set.

The Fitz everybody scooped bralette set in the red print and I got the matching underwear and I also got the soft sleep lounge. I got this like red. We don't talk about we don't talk about skims pajamas enough. I feel like we talk a lot. We all know bras and underwear but their pajamas are epic. They're really soft. So I'm very into everything that I got and I think it's a very good gift to get somebody.

So, shop skims holiday shop at skims.com available in styles for women, men, kids, and even pets. If you haven't yet, please be sure to know that we sent you after you place your order, select podcasts on the survey, and select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.

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Allison, you're going to have to edit us to make us sound less unhinged. We got to move a little. I think that we're the perfect amount. Oh, we got Sarah. Did you didn't hear about the joke about us a baby to baby on the video?

First of all, I still haven't recovered from the James, James Corden talking shit about us in his funny way, obviously. I mean, you know, we were in great company, but why are we always getting attacked? What was the joke and who said it? Tell me. It really wasn't that bad. Basically the opening video was, it was a white lotus theme for season three. It was Michelle Moynihan, who I guess is the star of the season. And she's like talking to some guys about baby to baby and trying to like,

I don't know if like trying to sell the monitor, say like what the night's going to be like. And it's like, Oh, well, this person's this and this person's that and they'll be there. And then she goes, Oh, and the foster sisters will be there. And the guy goes, the, the one that's hinged or unhinged. Wait. So hold on, which is which? I mean, you're obviously the unhinged one. I mean, it's very obvious. Wait a minute. Yeah. Who was the guy?

It's like an actor, I think. Wait, and then what was her response? I don't know. Because I'm actually friends with her. You're not. So I would hope that she was like, oh, you mean Erin? She's the unhinged woman.

She wasn't like, she was like, she was in character. She wasn't like being herself, I don't think. It wasn't like, oh, I know Sarah. It was like just making jokes about people. The foster sisters will be there. Which one, the hinge or the onion? Well, you know what this sounds like to me. This sounds like the smell actor is a very, you know, far left progressive is what it sounds like to me. It's not the actor. It's like someone wrote this.

Oh, it's the actor. It's literally like Dave. It's literally Dave Bernad. Dave Bernad is the actor. Dave Bernad is the writer. Dave Bernad wrote this. Yes. He said to me, he's like, I hope you like the jokes tonight. It's like in homage to you. It's like because I'm obsessed with you guys. Love you guys. It's like. Yeah, we have a funny way of showing it.

I mean, being like the, obviously, the hinged one, I'm not as offended. But why do you assume you're the hinged one is what I'm trying to understand? I'm the one that's like normal. I'm a mom, like two kids. Stay normal. Normal. Wait, why? Let's call Dave Bernad, ask him who's hinged and who's hinged. Let's see what he says. I mean, I think the world just knows that you're the unhinged one. Why? Well, you're Instagram, mostly.

Your social media is very unhinged. It's like strong political view, tits out, underboob, workout video, attacking someone. It's just like, you don't know. Right, right. One minute, I'm speaking at Stanford. The next, I'm posting my squats, even though I don't do that. Yes. That's the vibe. Oh, that was like the week ago. You know what others would call that? Being authentically myself.

Being authentic. It's not planned. I'm not trying to embody a certain character. It's just me. Yep.

Yeah, love me or hate me. Love it or hate it. Okay, okay, we have to answer some questions because people wrote in, why don't we ever answer them? Oh, what are your holiday plans? Well, we're trying to get back to Mexico. That's what we're trying to do, but it's becoming increasingly difficult because apparently everyone else wants to go to Mexico. And here's the problem. We go to these places

And then we tell the world about them, and we're constantly telling our friends about them, and da-da-da, and then they go, and they book before us, and they get rooms, and then we have no rooms. In all honesty though, Sarah, we plan like a month before, and then you're upset that we can't figure it out. It's like we have to plan ahead, but you are allergic to planning ahead. Allergic.

I know. Who's hosting? Our dad is hosting Thanksgiving. I normally host, but he's hosting. He's hosting this year. OK, question here. Is Botox yes or no when you're into non-toxic lifestyle? So for me, pick your poison. Pick your poison. No pun intended. Yeah. For me, it's a yes, like a once a year. Or sometimes I'd even do one twice a year. Sorry. No, once every two years, I mean.

Um, and here's my logic is like, if I'm eating food that I'm getting, eating for nutrition to feed my body, I'm going to make sure that that food is clean. When I'm like existing, living around, living in the world, I'm not going to add unnecessary toxins that aren't making my life better. Um, but if I'm in,

If I want to get rid of these wrinkles between my eyes and the only solution is to put poison to my body and I know that that's what I'm doing when I'm doing it. I'm doing it. It's kind of like drinking alcohol, right? Like you know it's a poison and you accept that. But if I'm going to eat like an avocado to be healthy.

then I want it to be organic. Does that make sense? I'm not drinking alcohol to be healthy. I also think facial acupuncture is really amazing. And now there's also, so I just did Vivace recently and it's amazing. It's the radio frequency, microneedling. Microneedling is where it's at. You all should be doing that. I've done it before. It didn't do anything for me, but it was a beautiful recovery. Yeah, I did it years ago. The recovery was so hard. You didn't go there. Okay, this is a question. Is being in couples therapy before marriage a good thing or a bad thing? Definitely a good thing. Can I just say?

I am down for couples therapy in the early dating. Is that crazy? Because I actually think that's where it's at. Not crazy. That's where it helps you get ahead of everything. Yeah. I actually think that it's smart. Sorry, this one says, my best friend keeps sleeping with married men. How do I talk to her about this? What? It's tough because it's like... No, I think that's something you can be judgmental about. Sorry. Yeah, I do. I do.

I think that you can talk to her about it and say like, this is really bad karma for you. Like, if you want to end up in a relationship and be treated well by someone and not have them cheat on you, this is like pretty bad way to get there.

And it's not like it's just once, one time, okay, we get it. You can't help what you fall in love with. You can't help with certain, you know, whatever. It's not your responsibility to this person's wife. It's his responsibility to his wife. But if this is a pattern, you have issues like clearly, clearly there is something about this power. Yeah. I don't know what is it for her. Is it like it gives her it's a turn on wanting

her wanting to believe that she can get him to leave his wife, the wives. I mean, we got to go deeper because- No, you got to say your friend, something's going on here. This is a pattern and I just need to alert you to it that you need to deal with it. I don't believe that karma allows you to escape that. I think that's something that

Again, one time, okay, multiple times, red flag, red flag. Okay, this says rules on dating a guy, you're good friend dated, but was never official. You gotta ask her. You gotta ask her. You gotta say like, this is weird, but he and I are feeling a thing. Could you and I get past that? Like, do you give me permission? And then what I wanna say to the ladies is, to the girls who used to date him, like really,

really get real about how you feel about it. Because I have friends who have been kind of bitchy about it, like when really they don't care, they don't care, they've moved on, they're with new people, they don't really care. But it triggers this thing in them to be like, no, absolutely not, that's off limits. It's like if you're happy, if you've moved on, if you don't feel anything for this person anymore,

Let them see where it goes. And by the way, I'm not talking about, again, we need more context. No, we need context that they were never official. Yeah, no, you gotta, I don't know. This might be, people might not agree with me on this.

No, I think that if you don't, if you dated that person and ended it and it's not going anywhere, then you should probably let your friend explore that relationship. Okay, a guy ghosted me after I waited for three months to have sex with him. Assuming I let that bitch fly away. Yes, clearly that guy was really just wanting to have sex with you. And then he got what he wanted and he bailed and it's fucking shitty and it happens and

You definitely did nothing wrong and he's... I also just think ghosting is just, ghosting is just mean. It's just mean. I mean, it's just, there's nothing you also think that telling someone the truth is mean. Wait, what?

Yeah, like when somebody would text me and go like, oh, I want to go out again. And I would say, oh, I didn't feel a romantic connection. You're like, that's so insane. That's so crazy. You just don't talk. Just don't tell him or lie to him. It's like that's shitty too. No, but I mean, I think clarity, I always say it. Clarity is kindness. I would weigh rather somebody to say to me,

I met someone else or I just don't think this is going to work or I'm not into you. I don't like you. I would weigh rather that than just not knowing.

Wouldn't you? No, I agree. But whenever I've told you, whenever when I was dating and I would do that, you would tell me it was insane that I would tell someone the truth. No, I always just felt like the wording of, I just didn't feel a romantic. And by the way, that was after one date. That's a joke. This girl wrote in that they were together.

This girl said, guy ghosted me after I waited for three months to have sex with him, assuming I let that bitch fly away. You're saying ghosting is a really terrible thing, be honest, but then I'm telling you that whenever I used to be honest, you said it was crazy. No, because you would just write that after one date with someone. I'm saying ghosting someone that you were in a relationship with, that you were sexually intimate with, that's so mean. I don't know, you don't think it's very... No, I do, I said it's mean.

But if you don't like ghosting, then you have to accept people telling someone a harsh truth, because you also think that's crazy. I just thought it was no. I never said being honest with someone that you have been in a relationship with is crazy. I thought it was crazy that you'd say it to guys after you just had one dinner with them.

Like that guy goes, I'm like, if you have dinner, by the way, you have dinner with someone and it's weird, go some all day long, who cares? Like that to me, it's like kind of lame. I think, look, I think ghosting in general is lame, but if you were in a relationship with somebody or, and that's different. I think that when someone isn't responding to you,

they might as well be responding to you telling you how they feel, right? It's like, unfortunately, the absence of interaction and communication is them communicating and saying, I'm not interested or I'm not even to you as you think I am.

And it's like, I think as women, we find ourselves justifying it. Yeah. And we talk about this. It's so not helpful having friends that are like, he's just scared, he's intimidated by you. He doesn't know how to talk to you because he likes you so much. It's like, that's not helping your friend. If a guy is not texting back or making plans or making his intentions extremely clear and available for what you want him to be available for, he's probably not interested. That's just the cold heart truth and that's okay.

Yeah, it kills me when my friends are like, you know, we'll be talking and whatever. And one of them will be like, he's scared. I go, can you stop saying that to her? Let's not say that to her. That does not help anyone. He's not scared. It doesn't help anyone. Yes, I agree. I think you have to reframe, he ghosted me to, he actually texted me and said, I don't like you.

Honestly, that is it right there. You need to reframe it. No, he didn't ghost me. He texted me and said, I don't like you. You're lame. I have no interest in talking to you. But waiting three months to have sex with someone and then them ghosting you is really shitty and definitely means that he just want to have sex with her.

And that sucks. That does suck. That's shitty. What were you doing for the three months? Like hanging out and just being friends. Like dating, hanging out. And he was acting interested and she was holding off on sex. And then she does it. And he leaves. I mean, it's terrible messaging. This is setting to women. All right, Alison, I feel like we answered some good questions. Erin, we answered two questions. We got to answer a couple more. I feel like four. Let's answer a couple more.

Oh, Sarah's full skin care routine. We need extreme details. Of course, that's the one you picked. Well, I was right in front of my face. Okay, found out my ex is in a new relationship. How do I not let this consume me? You know what? It's probably not going to work out, don't worry. Just tell yourself he's not going to marry her. Yeah, I mean, I like, okay. Let it consume you for a little bit. And then I kind of think like,

back to like the friends thing. It's kind of good to like say to your friends. Okay, ladies, let's not make this our daily routine. Don't send me his posts. Don't talk about it all the time with me. Don't make this like the central story of our lives. Don't tell me, you know, everything that she posts and they post and all these things. Let's just like try to focus our energy on my future and not make him and her the central theme of my life.

Right? Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe like, maybe like don't follow him on social, maybe just try to like, cleanse your body of him. Do you think girls really do that? Do you think most girls are really strong enough to do that? You know what? I'm gonna tell you someone who has extremely healthy habits and relationships and dating. Who? Laura Galvin.

Oh, she sure does. She does. Don't blow up her spot, though, because are you about to tell stories about her? No, I'm not going to tell any stories. I'm just going to say that she has really good self-esteem. You know what? And she has a dad. She has a dad, I'm telling you, who has constantly, I told you, there's something about Jewish girls and their Jewish dads. There's something about it. Jen Meyer is like this, too.

The confidence is oozing out of their pores. They know their value. They know their self-worth. It's crazy. It's very, there's got to be some connection here. And by the way, Noah's going to have this too. Yeah, maybe so. But either way, she has such good self-esteem and she handles dating.

with such like confidence and class, and she doesn't consume her. She is like, I love my job, I love my life, I love my girlfriends, I love my routine, I love my- But she takes things at face value. If someone's not interested, she's like, oh, it doesn't seem like they're interested. It's not the end of my life, right?

And she's been that way. I mean, I just really admire how she handles it. Yeah. And she's been that way with guys that she really likes. She's like, you know what? He kind of did this thing. I didn't like it. So I'm going to go date this other guy. I'm like, wait, how do you just flip this switch? If I really like someone, if I really like someone, that is it. I am consumed. I cannot even imagine being like, he's not writing me. I'm going to just go out with this guy that's been asking me out. I could never do that. I will be loyal to you for years after we haven't spoken.

So true! Like, you guys, I will be- You're not thinking about me? Well, guess what? Still thinking about you? Ten years later? Don't care? Guess what? I'm still loyal to you. I understand. We haven't spoken in three years, but I am still- That would be cheating if I- Oh my God. I'm sorry. I'm right or die. You're a road dog, please. I'm so sorry.

Erin, Erin, I'm going to have to break that habit. That is not, it's not going to work for me. No, you have to break that habit. And I was the same way when I was single, totally consumed. If I liked someone, it was like, Oh, forget it. Tunnel vision, tunnel vision. No, I'm like, if you look at me, I'll throw up on your face. I have feelings for someone else.

Yes, I haven't seen them in a long time, but I love them. No, it's true. And it's a bad quality. And you know what, we can't answer this question because clearly we had I had or Sarah has or whatever, we had bad healthy habits around that, unhealthy habits. But maybe we should have Laura Galvin come on and answer a few dating questions because she's got a great, healthy, your daughter calling me Sarah.

Oh wait, okay, let's end. I think we ended on this one, Erin. This is a great ending. Do you get tired of one another sometimes? Me, you? I think you do really get tired. Honestly, you know what I think? I think you can't get enough of me. I think you are upset. I know, I think you are obsessed with me. And I think now it's a safe space to admit it, that I am a fucking pleasure to be around.

Oh, you're definitely not a pleasure to be around. I can't say that, but I will say that no matter what, whenever we go out in the world, we always want to sit next to each other. Yeah. And I will admit that. You always, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in toxic. I'm in toxic. Just say it. Like you are intoxicating. Okay. All right. Well, this was a great.

I will say I like sitting next to you at a dinner party. Fine. I said it. We can read between those lines. You can't get enough. All right, everybody. All right. See you next week. Peace.

Thanks for listening to this episode. Hope you liked it as much as we did. We have a big, big, big request for you. We do. Please go leave a review. It makes a big difference for us. I was about to say, Aaron, don't sound so desperate, but we are a little desperate. We are a little desperate. We need you to leave a review. It's really important, and we don't ask you for anything. Two seconds, by the way, send a screenshot of your review, and maybe we'll post it. Maybe we'll call you. Maybe we'll... Why are you rolling your eyes? Just every episode is gonna say that, though. Great.

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This podcast is executive produced by... Do you not use that voice? I'm sorry, I'm trying to sound it. Yeah, but you don't make it sexy. This podcast is executive produced by... Do you have a normal voice? Yeah. Aaron Foster, Sarah Foster, and Alison Bresnick. I'll take over. Our associate producer is Montana McPherney. Our audio engineer is Josh Windish. This show is hosted by Simplecast. See, that didn't sound nice. That sounded great.