The Distractible Paradox
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January 06, 2025
TLDR: This podcast episode explores 'The Distractible Paradox', discussing a hypothetical fifth dimension of distraction between Mark's hyper-fixations and Bob's phone case knowledge.

Welcome to this week's summary of the podcast episode The Distractible Paradox. In this episode, host Bob and competitors Mark and Wade dive into an amusing and thought-provoking discussion centered around various paradoxes, humor, and personal anecdotes, all while navigating the whimsical theme of distraction. Below are the key takeaways and insights from this entertaining episode.
Core Concept: The Distractible Paradox
The episode posits that distraction is an intrinsic part of conversation and thought, drawing the hosts into a series of paradoxical discussions that blur the line between focus and amusement. Each host contributes unique tangents and insights, creating a tapestry of humor interwoven with philosophical inquiries.
Key Highlights:
Introduction to Competition: Bob introduces a playful competition where Mark and Wade vie for points based on their amusing commentary and insights throughout the episode. The playful nature of the episode is established right from the start, hinting at the absurdity of their scoring system.
Personal Anecdotes: The hosts share stories ranging from Bob's status as a Bengals fan to Wade's musings about technology, and Mark's hyper-fixations. These personal tales provide a backdrop for the more abstract discussions that follow.
Discussing Various Paradoxes:
- The Pinocchio Paradox: A thought experiment where Pinocchio's lying status creates a logical conundrum. This leads to discussions around truth, lies, and the nature of reality.
- Russell's Paradox: Explores set theory and the question of self-referential sets, igniting a debate about logic and language.
- Coastline Paradox: Illustrates the folly of attempting to measure coastlines, emphasizing how precision can lead to paradoxical conclusions about length and measurement.
- Birthday Paradox: Engages with probability, showing how in a room of just 23 people, there's a surprisingly high chance that two share a birthday.
Expert Opinions and Humor
The podcast strikes a balance between humor and intellectual exploration, making complex topics engaging. Throughout the discussions, each host showcases their knowledge, exchanging clever banter peppered with witty one-liners and humorous takes on serious topics.
Notable Dialogues:
- The Logic of Nature: The hosts discuss how paradoxes challenge our understanding of reality, with mixed reactions to the absurdity of certain rules governing logic and everyday life.
- Sports Analogies: Bob’s references to sports illustrate personal stakes and emotional investments that resonate with many listeners, while the discussions about fictional strategies in football inject humor into the topic.
Practical Applications
Listeners are encouraged to think about how paradoxes can reflect real-world complexities and dilemmas.
- Critical Thinking: By engaging with paradoxes, one can sharpen their critical thinking skills and learn to navigate contradictions in everyday life.
- Creativity in Problem Solving: Embracing absurdity and distraction can lead to innovative solutions and creative insights.
Takeaway Messages
- Embrace Distraction: The episode emphasizes that distraction can lead to meaningful conversations and unexpected insights.
- Challenge Assumptions: By exploring paradoxes, listeners are invited to question their assumptions and engage in deeper thinking.
- Enjoy the Journey: The hosts remind us to find joy in the journey of exploration, even when the destination appears absurd.
Conclusion
The Distractible Paradox encapsulates a comedic yet profound reflection on distraction and thought. The humor and wit of the hosts, combined with the explorations of various paradoxes, create an episode that entertains while also provoking thought. It's a reminder that amidst the chaos of distraction, there's always room for laughter and insight.
Join us next time for more humor and intellectual explorations in the fast-paced world of distraction!
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Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to restactable. This episode. Bryant Baughn is paternal about his progeny's flatulence, claims animals have no animus, then throws down the gauntlet. Wipeable wade boosts the bangles, sander's streetcars, proposes universe sucking wood, and beats on brand. Gerrymandering Mark respects divine indifference, rizzes on rustles, and gets irate over infinity.
from kidnapping quarterbacks to thirsty asses. It's time for the Distractable Paradox. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Hello and welcome back for yet another episode of everyone's favorite podcast. That's right. Everyone's favorite podcast. This is distractible. I am your host, Bob, and I am joined today by my competitors, Mark and Wade. Don't say hi.
I am the host because I won the last episode. Mark and Waiter competing to win this episode. They win by making me write down points. And whoever gets the most points or the least, we've never done that, but it could happen. Whoever gets the correct amount of points on my little thingy here. Uh, they're the winner or maybe not. Maybe I just say someone wins arbitrarily. Is this the golf episode? I'm not going to turn that out here. We're not, I'm doing high score this time. I want to, I want the golf episode to be a surprise.
May I have the correct amount of points? No, not yet. You might end up with the correct amount of points. Is it like price is right? Where we got to get close enough booth out going over? I'll allow that. Does that require me to pick a number first? Well, I could pick. I think it just means I'm going to sabotage Wade by giving him all the points. This is quite a strategy. I'm going to try to stay at one the entire time. I like this. I like this. OK, I accept. Give him any points that I've earned so far.
Last episode, if I remember right, for some reason only costs three points to win. I wonder if Bob will go higher or lower than three. Is three the fewest amount of points we've ever had actually win an episode? That might be true. I can't recall a two point or a one point victory. That might have happened. Someone might have had negative points. We've had some pretty savage. I don't know. Anyway, look, the rules are none of this shit matters. The winner is the winner at the end because I say they're the winner. But
There are rules in there as a constitution, and we do get in a hot tub for some reason, and there are boats unknown cares. How are you guys doing today? You got any small talk? Oh, way disappeared. Up there he is. I always have small talk of the fascinating variety constantly full of entertaining tidbits about how I am doing random bullshit. I actually have nothing.
For the first time in my life, I have nothing going on. Nothing new. Nothing exciting. Nothing at all. Just have a bunch of lame shit going on. Yeah, just nothing. I have no new gizmos. I have no new toys. I have no new.
Technology nonsense. I don't have any updates on the random experiments that I was doing. I have nothing. I documented your points for small-time mark. Give them to Wade. I'm using a blanket authorization to give any points that you earn to Wade. Minus one. I have to have one. Maybe not an earned one yet. Mark just got a caveat point for giving me a caveat. Mark's really tearing it up here. Wade's taking a commanding lead though.
I don't know man do I need to participate today I feel like okay look my life might not be the most exciting life in the world but it's mine and I enjoy it and you know what I've been enjoying lately and by the time this episode airs I may or may not be enjoying something else but is it been a wild ride sports people out there to be a bangles fan they're not technically out yet
As of the recording of this episode, it's come down to the final weekend and we have like a 20% chance of making it. But all we need is to win and have two teams lose. It was we had to win out. We had to win three games and have like four teams lose. Now we're down to just one and two. We need to win. We need two to lose just so we can either make it and lose right away or not. But I don't know, man, it's been
One of those losses is very possible. I don't know if the Chiefs are going to play all their starters, but even with some beast backup squad guys on there, they could beat the Broncos. We don't know if the dolphins are playing their starting quarterback. I forget who they're playing though. Jets. I don't know that the Jets can win.
The Jets have to beat the dolphins for the. Oh no. The Jets have to beat the dolphins and the Chiefs have to beat the Broncos and we have to beat the Steelers. So listen, the odds are slim, but if it happens as of the area of this episode, I'll be very happy unless we've already lost. Dude, if the Bengals do get in, this will be the first time in my life. I have two actual teams that I actually root for in the playoffs. Usually I have zero.
Bengals and Lions have never really made it the same time. No, not really. Well, that's not fair. The Lions made it a year ago and they want actually what they got their first playoff win in 60 or whatever. But yeah, I mean, generally I have no teams in the playoffs and I just pick a team to root for and it's usually like the Niners or someone. I'm greedy. I want three. I want my Bengals Vikings and Lions.
Good for Sam Darnold. I hope he gets in there. He is clenched. He is in there, but I hope he does well in place. I have a proposal to fix the football situation in Cincinnati once and for all. Get a defense, better play calling. Yes, all of this. I'm going to make all of your dreams come true because Cleveland has a football team, right? They do indeed.
They yeah, so all we need to do is we need to dig a tunnel from Cincinnati all the way to Cleveland skip around Columbus and Start kidnapping their players in the middle of the night They've got like two we could use take the two get more just in case as a backup I thought you're gonna say get a tunnel build it from since I did Cleveland get Cleveland's team in the tunnel and collapse the tunnel
That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I think Cincinnati abducting players and not allowing them to play for the Browns would only help Cleveland by and large unless we can magically fix Nick Chubb and steal him. Mark, let me tell you this. I think Cleveland has only won one playoff game since they came back as a team and the following year, but they decided at the end of the year was cut the quarterback who won that playoff game to get a more expensive quarterback who's a lot worse.
and has some really big red flags. I mean, like, the sky is crimson around this man. And they were like, that's our guy. Not the guy who brought us to the promised land, but this guy. Okay, tunnel revisit the tunnel idea. In the middle of the night, dress up the bangle's worst players. Just paint them brown, shove them through the tunnel.
and then have them pop up in the middle of whatever Cleveland's field is and then boom. Defense, you've been doing a lot better as late. Put this on, come with me. Their helmets are already orange as it is, right? Both helmets are orange. That's true. If you just peel those stripes off the Bengals one there, then there you go. You're basically in there. Exactly. See, there's a reason I'm the brains of this podcast.
We're going to have mice and men them. Can I be a starter George? Yes, you can, Lenny. Yes, you can. A tunnel actually is just a long railgun. Just to accelerate some of the way to Cleveland. It'd be very fun for like the, you know, the majority of that journey. How long would it take to get railgun from, uh, how would it take to get rail from Cincinnati? Also, I'd agree with you.
be done. Couldn't do it impossible. You need European wizards to make rails happen. I know that there's a subway system in Cincinnati, but for some reason, isn't it the most logical place to have high speed rail other than Ohio? Because Cincinnati, the Columbus to Cleveland is like one straight line.
So you just have a rail that goes and then you have, they abandoned the subway, the subway here, I believe. I think that there's like part of it that's converted into a nightclub. There's a dance club called like Ghost Baby that's in where the subway should be. It just, it doesn't make sense. A lot of, there's actually many stations or throughout Cincinnati that are just completely unused. The tunnels are there. They're just not full of train and they could be.
I think there was a horrible miscommunication years ago where people were raving about the subway and, like, the mayor of Cincinnati or the council must have been like, wait, they want a rave in the subway? All right, we're canceling it. Put a rave in there. We'll just put a train on the street. Call it the streetcar. Everybody likes streetcar. It goes three blocks. streetcar makes me nervous. Are you allowed to drive in street car lane when streetcar is coming? Will it stop or will streetcar be like, you're on a streetcar part?
Yeah, it has like a big like Mad Max like plow on the front. It's just like on the front with a guitar like Well, those guys on the big wavy back and forth poles. I got the back like witness me Guy with crazy mouth apparatus trying to do like a weird bane exactly all in one car It's the entire Mad Max movie in one street car
If any of us ever go on the street car, we have to walk in, get on board, and immediately just go, immortal job!
Everyone will know what we mean. Imagine if Cincinnati had a subway system. I've heard it. I don't know anything about this, but I've heard it described as like Cincinnati was almost basically what Chicago became that in the in the early industrialization of this part of the country, the queen city and the windy city were kind of like in competition with each other. And then I think everyone would agree. Chicago kind of won that one, but imagine it did in many ways. But if you've ever been to Chicago, I prefer Cincinnati.
It's weird because Cincinnati is a nice city. It really is. It's not a huge city population wise, but it's got a lot. It's got a lot going for it. And it makes total sense that it would be a major hub on the way from east to west because it's got river access that has access to the Atlantic Ocean and the Gulf of Mexico. Technically, it's a major rail hub, or at least it was, and it's like used to be. It's basically like the next point. And then people were like, ah,
Move that a little over us more upright by a lake where it's windy. So anyway, doesn't matter to me. I don't live there. My like one trip to Chicago, the scene that sticks out in my mind is sitting in standstill traffic where everyone's laying on their horns. And one guy just decides he's tired of waiting and drives on the sidewalk while blaring his horn beeping at pedestrians on the sidewalk that he's driving down. That to me will always be how I see and feel about Chicago.
Because I've had to drive through it many times because driving to Minnesota, like where Molly's family is, one of the two ways to go is through Chicago, which we've done a couple of times for whatever reason. And I've just never had a good time driving through or near Chicago. I think driving anywhere near or in Chicago is just about the worst way you could experience Chicago. The city itself is lovely, very nice place with lots of great stuff to do. But no, you don't want to drive there. That's not the way.
I actually took a train to Chicago once. Weirdly enough, I was visiting family in Holland, Michigan, which is a tiny little place over on the west coast of Michigan. And there's a train from Holland to Chicago, which I thought was super weird. It was
fantastic. Cause then you get out and you're in the middle of the city at the train station, you don't have to drive or nothing. Man, I imagine if we had trains places would be nice. This is weird side tangent. Did you guys see? It's really horrible. Did you see the train that got derailed because of the truck got like magnetized or whatever to the rail?
What? No. Unfortunately, a couple of people did die, but like a tractor trailer was going across the train track. I'm not sure why it stopped, but apparently something happens with like a magnetism thing and like part of the truck got magnetized down to the train. They like had to take the semi part of it off and it just left this thing and the train hit it and I'll write through it. That's not enough explanation about the magnet magnetization of the truck to the train tracks.
I don't know. I'm trying to find the right thing. Where did this take place? I believe in Texas? Okay, a lot of weird magnets going on. Texas, we all know this, yes. I thought it was magnets. Maybe it's not magnets. Where would you have come up with magnets? I don't remember, man. I saw this like late at night and maybe I'm misremembering it. There's not the word magnet in any of these articles. Yeah, literally not a single mention of magnets for any reason. Hey, there's no magnets.
It's a good thing I'm getting all of Mark's points today. Yeah, it's really saving you. I'm really playing a risky strategy today of all days to do this. But I think it's going to pay out. It's a bold strategy. Let's see if it pays off for him. Have I told you guys about the fart story with James? Where he farted in a movie theater in Oppenheimer and everyone laughed? I wish he did. He probably would think of that. He's very funny.
No, so we have this place we drive frequently where there's rumble strips on the road, which is that thing where you're driving and you drive over it and it goes, we drive over there all the time and we're driving there with James in the backseat. And we went over the rumble strips and out of nowhere, and he's never said it before, at least to me, really, out of nowhere. He just goes, huh, farts because the rumble strip sounds like fuckers.
Anyway, he's hilarious. He's going to be the funniest kid I know. No, no, it's funny to me, but like he'll be second. You're not a kid, so you're kind of in a different class. All right. You're not the funniest adult I know either, but don't be offended. I know a lot of adults. You could say that it's just not true. James is hilarious. Also, he calls the movie Sing Dance Animals, and that's his current favorite. Pretty accurate. Is he like getting old enough now where he's branching out of a lot of like the baby-esque shows, like the blueies and stuff, or?
He still enjoys bluey. He still enjoy it. The thing right now is animals. Everyone is constantly surprised. It's because we're like, Oh, he loves animals. He loves animals. And people were like, Oh, you like a horse? He's you like, like, no, he knows what a yak is.
He knows what a flamingo is. He can't quite say it, but he knows what a hygiena is. He knows probably a few dozen animals in total, and all day, every day is. I want animals. I want animals. And it means a lot of different things, because it could mean he wants to watch a video of animals, could mean he wants his stuffed animals, but he's an interesting place. Very smart.
He likes to enact animals eating each other. He'll get like a bear and a giraffe and then the bear will be chasing the giraffe trying to bite it and it will succeed at some point. And he's literally just running around like, Oh, no. Oh, no.
Or he'll stage like accidents. He has like trains and stuff. He'll put an animal in front of the train on the track and then just slowly like. Oh, no. He's probably good, right? I mean, I guess it's better than taking like Barbie dolls or like army dudes and being like, oh, no. These are animals. Yeah.
They don't have souls. Listen, that's called being a passive god and you just let what happens happen. You know, you can't interfere. It's just going to get worse if you do that. If you do enough, sometimes people won't know you did anything at all. That's another Futurama reference. Really packing those in these last couple episodes. I'm going to watch this show again.
If you've never seen that episode of Futurama, man, is that a good one. Bender gets ejected into space faster than the speed of light becomes a God, then meets God. All good stuff. There's a nuclear war. It's a porn theater. It's good stuff. Should we move on to the topic? Sure. We're going to be guessing. You guys ready to guess some stuff?
Can you guess who blah, blah, blah, blah? I have a list of paradoxes, paradoxi. So weird. I was just telling Mark when you were gone that I was looking at paradoxes. Well, you did your last steps about time. It's kind of a paradoxical thing we were discussing anyway.
I have a list of paradoxes and brief explanations of them. All I'm going to give you is the name of them. And I would like you to give me your best guess as to what the paradox is and either the most correct or the best answer or other reasons will win. So you'll each get a shot to tell me what each paradox is. And you might know some of these. If you know, I know some of these, but I don't know my name.
If you know paradoxes, you might know some of these. But anyway, we'll start off fairly easy. I don't know if he sees a fair way to say it, but oh, I should flip something to see who goes first. I'm going to flip my fidget toy. Mark is concave way this convex.
Wait goes first. All right. What is the Pinocchio paradox? I actually don't know this one. All right. So Pinocchio is a little wooden boy when he lies his nose grows. That's true. Pinocchio paradox is if Pinocchio keeps lying and his nose keeps growing infinitely.
How much mass is being taken away from the rest of the universe to make his nose? Well, his nose eventually grow to the point where all of the universe is contained in his nose. It becomes a singularity of Pinocchio-dose. I'm curious how in your mind his nose is stealing matter from the universe around him and converting it into nose. Well, it keeps growing and mass can't just be created out of nowhere.
Matter can't be created or destroyed, right? It's there's a conservation law of conservation. Theoretically, if it got long enough, I feel like there's a few steps removed from he's made a wood and it's pulling from wood from the rest of him versus it's
sucking mass from everything around him and converting it into nose. Is that canon though? Padocchio doesn't like get shorter when his nose gets longer or anything. Like, I don't know where it is. We don't see what's inside him. It could be. It could pull from a nose deposit that is tracking all the way through his body, you know, like hyper dense deposit of nose wood. It's just extruded. And okay, do you like that? Do you like that, babe? Where'd it go? Yeah, I like the
All right, well, that went in a weird direction. Anyway, okay, Pinocchio Paradox. Pinocchio lies infinitely. His nose consumes the universe. The Pinocchio Paradox is when there are two Pinocchio standing at a door. And one of them goes like, I am the Pinocchio that guards this gate. One of us tells only truths. One of us tells only lies. One of us speaks in riddles. One of us speaks in rhymes. And then you have to guess which one's the liar, but it's obvious because his nose will grow.
Yeah, that sounds like there's a giveaway on that one. That's why it's a paradox, right? It's a terrible puzzle because it's easily solvable. That's the paradox part.
Nailed it. Well, I could confidently say that neither of you got that correct, but both of you gave me really good answers that I'm having a hard time deciding between. To stall, I'll tell you that the Pinocchio paradox is, as Wade established Pinocchio, wooden boy, nose grows when he lies. What if what happens when Pinocchio says, my nose will grow longer now?
because it either is a true statement because his nose grows longer or is a lie, which makes his nose grow longer, which makes the statement true again. It's just a version of the liar's paradox, really. But I gotta say, I thought Wade had it locked in. I really fucking like Mark's answer.
I was like, man, I know the liar's paradox. I know the double liar's paradox. I don't know Pinocchio's. Don't worry, Wade. Mark wins that one, but you get the point anyway. Mark's bold strategy. Based on that one, this is only going to go better because the names definitely get funnier and not more serious. What is Russell's paradox? Russell's paradox. And Mark goes first technically on this one.
The only paradox there is how his parents thought it was a good idea to name him Russell. What kind of name is Russell? Russell's paradox. And when you look at this guy and you're like, oh man, he looks like he's got a cool name. And then he says, I'm Russell. And you're like, fuck, go away. And you know, that's Russell's paradox. How can someone be walking with a name like Russell? And Russell is not going to like that answer.
Russell's all the Russell's watching. I'm sorry. Well, no one likes Russell anyway, so no one cares about Russell opinion. I had a family. My family named Russell, but it's cool. Did he suck as much as it sounds like he did? Sadly, it was worthless. He's dead now. You could be honest, he won't know.
Alright, we're gonna note that down. Wade likes Russell's. This is a weird reference, but I'm pretty sure the older boy and honey I shrunk the kids is named Russell. That makes sense. It's about right. Yeah, what a piece of shit. Oh, am I supposed to answer now? Are you dumb answer? Yeah, wait. What is Russell's paradox? I think Mark answered that pretty thoroughly.
All right, so the first Russell that came to mind for me is Russell Brand, and he's got like long hair. Russell's paradox is kind of like my version of the Pinocchio paradox where Russell's hair keeps growing. Eventually. You just really sure that one of these paradoxes is going to involve consuming all matter in the universe. So you're just going to keep going to that well.
Well, as long as it makes sense, and I'm pretty sure it was a name like Russell's Paradox. It's got to be something like that. Because Russell, I think, has two S's and two L's. It's already consuming the entire alphabet to make S's and L's. Mine as well be. I think Wade's proposition there just only backs his Russell Brand as a giant prick. Aren't you cosplaying as him, Mark?
Oh, the hair. Let me go. Let me leg up Russell Russell. Well, Mark's googling Russell Brad. I'll tell you that Russell's paradox was discovered by Bertrand Russell. Russell is his last name and is a theoretical paradox that asks, does the set that contains all sets that do not contain themselves contain itself? I see. I see. OK.
You were right, Mark. Russell's are terrible. Yeah, that sounds dumb. I'm going to give that one to Wade just so we can move on from the his blank consumes the all matter in the universe and and that was the one, Wade. It was that one. Yeah, I did it.
Wade, what is the coastline paradox? The coastline paradox. I think this is another name for the hairline paradox. As time and or water continue to move in, it will slowly take away the coast, just like the hair starts to disappear. But the further it goes in, is it still the hairline or is it eventually the
In line what is the coast the coast is ever? Proceeding wait is shockingly close to the answer. Do you know it? I do know this paradox I do know this you know the correct answer mark It's one of the stupidest paradoxes in the world if it's the one I'm thinking of it's just so fucking dumb It's so goddamn dumb anyone that says like
It's where if you try to measure the coastline, right? Okay, you have like a ruler you measure the coast you just pick a random point there and wherever the shore meets You're like okay. I'll go there and then you measure the coast look okay. That's great. Bye
If you increase the precision by shrinking the measuring device of your measuring thing, the coast, you'll always get a larger number with the more precise measurement of what it is and it could be like, the coast is technically infinite. And I'm like, you're a fucking idiot. The coast is obviously not infinite. It's the same people to say, like, well, if you put a cat in a box or something, like the Schrodinger's bullshit.
That's why you mean my birthday cake? No, I'm not talking about that, but it's just like people like using the concept of infinite in a really dumb way. Clearly, the coast has a definite size. It is not infinitely large because you can't
Measure. What if it's a small infinity mark? There are different sizes of infinity. There's an infinite number of numbers between zero and one. That doesn't mean that this coast is infinitely long. It's so stupid. There's an infinite number of coastlines between San Francisco and LA.
It's just like I hate it so much because it's just such a stupid argument to make and people will argue it to the ends of the earth and it just like it has no value in terms of actually like communicating with the world. It's the same people that say like math is just the definition of the universe. It's like, no, it's not.
That's your approximation of the universe. It is such an egotistical way to think that the universe is simply math. That is such an egotistical viewpoint to attribute our flawed system of mathematics to the universe itself and say, like, we're so good and accurate at this that this is just what it actually is. And it's like, it's not none of the current simulations or descriptions of the physical physical universe are anything other than approximations. Exactly. Exactly.
But if they used a smaller unit of measurement, they'd be closer to getting the real size name. That's the problem with physics. You guys need smaller rulers. Right, right, right. You'll see that this coastline's infinite. Anyway, that's correct, Mark. Yeah, and I hate it. Some of it feels like it feels borderline philosophical. It feels like something like your philosophical uncle would do to you on April Fool's Day.
Yeah. Well, it feels philosophical to me in that I'm kind of come down on Mark's camp there. The discussion of it is the most like pedantic and useless thing I could imagine discussing about measuring a coastline, which is how philosophy feels to me a lot of the time. Sometimes philosophy is very useful and sometimes makes me want to never think about philosophy again, but it is a paradox and Mark on a correct. Hey, as someone who was there, I also feel that way.
All right, guys, this next one. So easy because we talked about it in a recent episode. You both know this paradox. So let's I'm going to do this one as a as a lighting round for no reason. Just say ding. Mark, you say ding and wave. You say dong and I'll just pick who comes in first. Ding ding or dong in to answer first. What is the twin paradox? Oh, ding.
What's that? Did you just talk as a joke or did you just think of it? Okay. I'll give you some dong points. Is it the Scott Manley thing where if one goes flying through space all fast and whatnot, the other one will get all old and wrinkly by the time that they get back? I'll accept that. I'll accept that.
We did we were talking about this with ways time think is we're talking about the twins where one was on the space station and one was on earth and the one on the space station was five milliseconds younger. The paradox of how time dilation affects the two twins if one is traveling at near light speed, blah, blah, blah, blah. Are they still twins? Are they still people? Given that they share us so clearly not. How did I forget that we just talked about that and you told us we just talked about it.
We literally I know this is the next episode, but we we talked about that 40 minutes ago. That just happened. All right, I'm going to phrase this question in a different way. There is a paradox.
Bless you. There is a paradox that another one we've talked about on our show. It was a little while ago now, but we have talked about it. It is the name of an episode of this show. Ding and dong your ways to victory. Who can think of it first? It is the title of an episode of Distractable, and it is also a paradox. Dong. Wait. The ship of Theseus.
The ship of Theseus is correct! Ohhh. And you heard of the ship of Theseus? Well, that's not even asking what it is. He doesn't know what it is, though, ding! If you have a ship and you slowly replace it piece by piece and eventually replace the last piece of the original ship, is it still the original ship? This, dumbass, is right.
You might know rulers and coastlines, but I know boats. So what's the answer? If you know boats, what's the answer? Uh, the answer is it lies in the eyes of the beholder. If I gave you the ship of Theseus and you replaced it piece by piece for you, it's the same ship. If you tried to give it back and there were no original piece of it, what the fuck is this? This is the same boat. I thought you were trying to make like a guy holding the bee joke because you emphasized the beholder.
Eyes of the bee holder. I know. I really thought that was going in a bee direction. No, I just talked stupid. OK, that explains why you're such a dumb ass, but it carries a big stick. The eyes of the beholder. Talked stupid and carry a bad stick. That's what grandpa B.O. is said. And I'm fresh out of sticks. Let's go back to the original format. And since Wade won that one, I would say Marcos first. What is the birthday paradox?
Ding. Yeah, you have to ding. It's you're already, you're auto ding. Go ahead, Mark. You dinged anyway. The birthday paradox is that the birthday song was like trademarked or registered or copyrighted for so long. And so all these restaurants had to come up with their own version of it. And now it's gone into public domain. And the restaurants still sing their own stupid version of the happy birthday. Happy birthday.
That's the birthday paradox. Doesn't make any goddamn sense. All right, Wade, what is the birthday paradox? Come on, dong, man. If you were born on a specific day of a specific month of a specific year, and then you move to a place where your birthday was on a different day on that place, and you celebrate your birthday, but you celebrated on the day you were born here, but not where you were actually born, is it still really your birthday? That is an interesting guess. I think that almost is even a paradox.
Not what the birthday paradox is, but that's like the other birthday paradox. Damn it. The birth doll paradox. What are you? Is this like a Homer Simpson thing? Yeah, I was kind of like, instead of birthday, it was a birth doll. Not right. That's not it. All right, cool. No, keep trying. You got this money. No, birth doll.
No, come on, you got it. You got to really try. You got to mean it. No! Ah, it's still a little off. Birth. Oh. Oh, there was something in that one. Birth. Oh. He's getting there. That's positive progress. Birth. Birth.
Nailed it. That was good. He did it. All right. The birthday paradox is that in a group of a certain number of people, there's about a 50% chance that two people share the exact same birthday. This is just a matter of probabilities. But I want you guys to tell me, what is that number of people closest without going over wins? Who's guessing first? Are we ding donging? Wade goes first. Ted.
bold. I believe it's this was in the relation of when I heard about it or read it, it was like in a classroom. So it's like probably 28 or 30 people because it relates to like if you're in a class of other students, there's a large chance that someone else has the exact same birthday.
What's your exact number? Uh, 28. Oh, I'm sorry, Mark. The answer is 23. Oh, boom, boom, boom, boom. Wait, wait. You might as well just guessed one and just let Mark dig his own grave. I honestly almost did. But then I was afraid he would say two.
That would be the move. I should have, uh, I should have thought about it a little deeper because I was following that strategy with the major points. But if you realize what I'm actually doing is the mark point paradox where I'm intentionally giving away points because it all falls into my strategy of being the lowest. So in, by doing the lowest, not low strategy, I would be against what I'm trying to do. That's a point for mark paradox. But are points worth more that you win and give me or that I win and give me?
I gave them all to him. Except for the one, wait has earned all of the points in the entire episode today. I like this one. This is also like a middle school paradox. Guys, what is the paradox of Beridin's ass? Beridin's or Beridin's? Beridin's ass. My first this time?
Yes. Burden's ass. Burden's ass is not actually his butt. It's his donkey or mule or whatever the fucking ass is. He actually had two donkeys that looked alike, but he couldn't tell them apart. So he named them the same name by which making them the same donkey, even though in actuality they were two separate donkeys.
So the paradox is whether it's one donkey in a superposition of two separate donkeys with the same name or whether it's two separate donkeys. Yes, because when he would take the donkey into town, people would ever only ever see that donkey. So in actuality, he had two, but people only saw one. But to them, Burden's ass was one donkey. Mark, what is the paradox of Burden's ass?
Buridin, the lesser-known brother of Schrodinger, always jealous of Schrodinger's success, decided that he was gonna take it upon himself to make a claim for his own fame. So he shoved his donkey, like what Wade was saying, into the hay-bailer, and said, we don't know if his alive or dead, as blood was fraying up the back of the hay-bailer. Dear penthouse, I don't know! We have no idea! That's a superposition! There's no way of knowing you!
I could still hear it, it might be alive. Coincidentally, it's both about the donkey and him being a jackass for trying such a stupid thing. Is this pile of blood and viscera still an ass? I don't know. Could be? If the burden's ass paradox is...
The paradox of a burdens donkey that is equally hungry and thirsty and if placed exactly precisely in the middle between a stack of hay and a pail of water, the donkey will die of both hunger and thirst because it can't possibly make a rational decision of which one to go to first water, obviously. But donkeys are stupid and given that the theme of the paradox of burdens ass is stupid, I'm going to say that Marx was closer.
I'm gonna say this is the last one we're gonna talk about, and I'm gonna give you a hint. This is the dumbest fucking paradox I've ever heard of, including everything we've talked about today. I'm ready. What is the unexpected hanging paradox? And don't think too complicated about it, because it's stupid.
I'm looking for anything that's unexpectedly hanging above my head. Nothing now that you have your blower. You're expecting it so it can't be. You're right. Um, the unexpected hanging is... Oh, God, I don't fucking know. I can't even think of anything funny that would be related to this. Make it about a well-hung dick. Hung dick? Yeah, it's funny. I answer hung dick.
Sorry. What is hung dick? Thank you. Thank you for praising your answer in the form of a question. I appreciate that. That's a terrible answer, Mark. I wagered all of my points. All of them, even the one except for one. All right. Wait, do you make the same wager? I will also wage your all of Mark's points except for one. Yeah, you know what? Okay. I actually think I know this one before I say anything. I think I know this one or at least I know what generally it's about. Well, so you are you wagered all of Mark's points.
Always are all of them. I think it has something to do with like a king ruling over a village or something. And if everyone thinks that they could be unexpectedly hung at any given time, they're more likely to like behave in the kingdom therein or something stupid like that.
It has something to do with them literally having the threat of being hung, hanging over their heads, affecting their behavior, I think, if this is the one I'm thinking of. I'm sorry that is incorrect. Oh, it just diverges a little bit from the point of this one. I feel like the
Unexpected hanging paradox is a man is convicted of a crime and condemned to death. A judge sentences this person and tells the prisoner that he will be hanged at noon on a weekday during the following week, but it will be a surprise. The prisoner is then taken back to their cell and the prisoner reasons out that, well, okay, they couldn't hang me on Friday because if it gets all the way to Friday and I haven't been hanged, then it's not a surprise.
I'll see that coming. I know this one too. Yeah, well then if it gets all the way to Thursday It couldn't be Thursday either because I will know it can't be Friday It must be Thursday, and I won't be surprised any the same thought process Eliminates every day of the week because the prisoner logically is like well I couldn't be surprised And I wouldn't be surprised and if it's going to be a surprise then it couldn't be and the prisoner gets stuck in this loop and
Anyway, the executioner shows up on Wednesday and hangs the person and he's like, whoa, and he's surprised. That's it. Because he logics. It couldn't possibly. I see. I see. That's really dumb. Who did I give all my points to? Anyway, wait, you wait for all of Mark's points and mine except for one. You wait for nine points. So I'm going to go ahead and erase nine points from you. How many of my own points did I have that I lost? You have some of your own points.
Cause I wagered all of mine too. Oh, did you wage all of yours too? Yeah. Uh, you wagered 14 total points then, uh, which you lost. So you now have one point. I don't have one point because you wagered all of a, but what? According to Mark and he gets to have input on what you wagered for whatever reason. Oh wait. Wade lost all his points, but I'm going to say whoever wins this, whoever's, uh, explanation I pick gets all those points.
And since Wade's was close but wrong and not as funny or as stupid as the actual explanation, lean in towards Marx. Why? Because Marx answer was, what is hung dick?
Damn, it was too surprising. I'm sure you cheated off my test. What's your urns mark? 14 points. Wait, he's giving me all his points and I'm giving him all of my points. His points were turned into my points. Therefore, he's stuck with my points because they aren't his points, but can he give them away? Because they're now his points.
Are we in a paradox of points? It's the point paradox. We have just relived, re-enacted the points paradox. Yes, we finally got to the turning point of the episode. Oh god. That's the- that's the last paradox we're gonna talk about. Let's total up the points here. Wait, you weren't points for NFL playoffs, un-magnetized truck, hair consuming the universe, dong, Ship of Theseus, correct answer, and 10 people
to have the 50% chance of the same birthday, which was correct, even though Mark was way more correct. It was less than 23. Anyway, Mark, you were in points for sabotaging Wade. No, small talk. Mark's caveat, which is the one point you had the whole time. Cleveland Tunnel, Riddles and Rime.
The fuck did I write? God, I'm wait, I'm wo- Uh, correct, coastline paradox, you were correct about the twin paradox, the birthday songs in restaurants paradox, mark point paradox. What? Uh, murdering Burden's ass and what is hung dick?
That leaves Wade with a total of one point mark with total of 15 points, but I'm looking here and in the margins, it looks like Mark has asked me to make sure I give all but one of his points to wait, not mark down to one point and give Wade 14 points. What if I give 13 and a half points to you, Bob? What does that do? It takes me down to half a point mark to one point and you to 13 and a half points.
Alright, wait, I'm not gonna explain to you why you're wrong. I'm just gonna do exactly what you asked. Wait, you give me 13 and a half points. I was at 14. You were at 15 because you already had one point. Shit!
Anyway, continue. Bob has 13 and a half points, Wade now has one and a half points, and Mark has one point. Maybe I'm in the middle. We're setting records every single episode here because we have a new lowest score for an episode winner with one and a half points, Wade wins. Oh, wait, how he placed and Mark finished with. Mark has one. But what was the number of points you needed to read?
Apparently over one oh fuck wait one and a half greater than one Apparently Bob's 13 and a half don't count as a win for him I do I declare as judge that I don't want to win so I'm disqualified from winning my own episode I bad math my way out of Louisiana
Wait, wait, try to lose one to nothing and accidentally one, one and a half to one. I was trying to get down to half a point mark so that way I could beat you at your own game, but I'd math poorly. This is what you guys made me do to the score, by the way. It's just scribbles. I can't believe that worked out for me. I tried so hard to squander it. I'm honestly not sure if I got the correct answer, and I feel like that's the correct conclusion to an episode about paradoxes. Probably, yeah.
I love that we had a points paradox in a episode about paradoxes. What's about, right? I don't know why, but I feel like I need to apologize. I'm very sorry for what just happened. I feel like somehow Mark got cheated. If you red flagged me, I wouldn't even be upset because I'm not sure how we get to the bottom of it, but that just feels fair.
I wanted to end this episode with one point. That was my goal, so I don't think that I can challenge because I did end with one point. I don't know where those 13 and a half points went. I have them. Oh, you have them, right? Okay, yes, that's right.
But Bob can't win. But Bob is disqualified. I'm I'm not a I'm not a despot. What was the number? What was the number that we needed to get close to? But over you said you had a number at the beginning of this episode. And that's that was the basis of my whole one point strategy was because I knew you had a number.
Honestly, do you want to know what the actual rule was that didn't even get triggered? The entire concept of this episode was I have had this written down for two years host an episode that is so blatantly unfair in Wade's favor that it's like comical and if Wade comments a single time about anything being unfair, he loses immediately.
You didn't complain. I was making shit up. I was just doing arbitrary bullshit New year new me neither of you complained about it being unfair even though it was publicly unfair That was the most arbitrary points scoring I've ever done and I don't ever even follow my own rules
I just happened to play the strategy in this episode of all episodes that I'm gonna give him all my points. The one that Bob actually plays that's unfair. Mark and I both decide to tank.
Is that because listen, as soon as Mark said he wanted to end with one point, I was like, I will give Bob all of my points, but half of one to undercut Mark at half a point. I know. I knew that's what you wanted to do. And the fact that you said 13 and a half was just so perfect.
I was not even going to say that because I was just going to keep that as an idea and then come up with some even stupider premise next time I hosted to make it more unfair. I don't know. My head hurts. Somehow we made a paradox episode about paradoxes, which is impressive or something.
I feel like we invented several paradoxes while doing this. Pinocchio sucking up the universe. Hung dick. Hung dick. The surprise. Hung dick paradox. The birthday song paradigm. I really like that one because why don't they just sing? Does no one know? Do they not know that that's in its public domain now? You could sing the regular birthday song. I have no idea.
You know, it's the worst is some restaurants do it in four or four. Happy birthday is a song that's in three. And some people will just be like, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday. It's like they're just singing it on a rent. It's terrifying. Can I get a Texas roadhouse? Yeehaw.
Is that what they do for? They do that on the birthday. If you go to a Texas Roadhouse and someone's birthday, they yeehaw, then they go stand around your table, like six waiters. And you're like, I just want to refill. And they're all there looking at this person on their birthday. Yeehaw. And I don't know what they say or do after that because I die of dehydration. But they do it.
That's probably a song or I don't fucking know I don't know what they say after the guy get that Texas Roadhouse yeehaw that everyone yeehaws and then I'll turn to skeletons and winter away like Indiana Jones with the wrong chalice we chose Paulie
Well, Mark, would you like to give a loser speech? I am fulfilling my year, uh, a goal of never winning an episode. That way I don't have to come up with an idea to host ever again. It's paying off in dividends. I can't wait.
To rack up another loss in the next episode. And listen, I can make that happen for you, buddy. I can- I can deliver on that for you. Don't you worry. Okay, all right, fair. Not fair, but fair is- It's the fair paradox. The fairadox. It's fair, but not fair. Wade, our deserving victor? Winter speech?
You know, I saw Mark trying to throw and I wondered if maybe Bob wasn't trying to throw? If maybe Bob would be like, you know what? I am gonna make it the low score. And I developed a strategy early on that I thought was foolproof, but it all came down to bad human mathematics and how the universe is all math is stupid human mathematics, so was mine. So I'm just the epitome of humanity is what I learned today. Really thought I was going down to that half a point to steal the win.
In everything that you could have done, you didn't guess the strategy correctly, but you did make a play that was about as good as you could have played it to try and trigger the strategy and wait for… you don't complain that much honestly.
It feels like you complain a lot sometimes. There was a period of time. There was a period of time where the tensions were a little bit higher with us. I just feel confused about what happened. And I don't like it. But thanks for listening. Thanks for watching listeners. If you think that you are confused because we skew towards the video now, that's not why.
There was nothing on the video that explains any of this anymore thoroughly than you got. Uh, I'm just stupid. Me and Bird and Zass were bros. Um, thank you, Austin Powers. Uh, make sure you check us out at socials. You know our names. Make sure you follow the show. It's the plus button or whatever. Check button. No, it's called distractible.
Oh, yes. Distractable. You know the name. That's the end of the episode. Thank you so much for watching, listening, and we'll see you next time. As long as the paradox doesn't prevent it from happening. Okay, bye. Talk us out.
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