The Crouch’s Christmas Countdown: 1 Month to Go!

One of my nicknames at school was Tallus Maximus Aurelius. Father, to another side, I've been too aware of why I will have my vengeance in this life or the next. Guys, come on! And you knock on a CME after Christmas complain and that I didn't get anything. I do not want a present because I've got all I need. The only thing I want is you and your silk AP boxes. That's all I want. The bare ones, absolutely.

That's all I want. By the 20th it's just sitting on the ground. It's stellar then I'm so... Mom, the elf hasn't moved for three nights now. He's like... He's tired. It's a busy season for them. Yeah.

Guys, you know we promised to reveal Ross if we hit that 100,000 mark on our subscribers. We're still not there, so you clearly don't want to see Ross as much as you say you do. Yeah, hit subscribe. It helps and you can see Ross. Hello and welcome to The Therapy Crouch with me, Abby Clancy. Me, Pete Crouch. And me, Ross, Pete.

I don't like saying that you're involved in this. Sorry. Why don't you like saying the name? It's part of this podcast. It's like you know with the other day when saying, you know, that piece of Christ. Ross is getting all like a deal over the feather in his niggas. Well, I've got feather in your niggas.

Just did you see the bobs growing up? I was speaking to your mom yesterday. Oh, God, that was you. And she said she's terrified to speak to you about the pug, because you bite her head off. She's got loads of great ideas, but you won't listen. And she said, she said, I'm worried about our rest. She's close to burnout. Oh, yeah, she says it to me. She said he's burned out. He's close to burnout. I'm so worried about him. The boy needs a break.

Christmas is coming off. And it's like tough luck. Go back to work, please. Crack the whip. Crack the whip. Crack the whip. How are you guys? Yeah, good, thanks. Yeah, I noticed your Asian provocateur campaign has gone down really well. Straight in? Yeah. Just so that you know, I've had plenty of people who can get in touch with me. Did you like it? Loved it. Do you know what? I think with that though, it was a perfect blend of humour and hotness.

You know, and I think it was quite an empowering ad and any men watching that will never be late for a date again.

Surely, that's a positive thing, you know, apart from the ending. So bold, love. I know. I made a good night, didn't I? Yeah, so we had the big launch party, and I hate having my own parties, especially ones that I don't arrange myself. You know, I plan my own secret, 21st. Yeah. Without beating up, beating up.

Well, I thought it was a surprise. So, ta-da! I've found this whole thing. But you only told me, like, 10 years later, that you'd plan on the whole thing. I know, I know. Through Holly. I think I must be a control freak. Oh, really? I think I must be. You think I must be? Go away. I think, like, letting any inch of my life out of my hands.

It's really difficult for me. It really is both, yeah. But the party, like, you know, I need to give a shout out to Penny, who literally, well, my AP team, Sarah, Rosie, Penny, everyone in between, Greg Williams, who shot it, Jamie for featuring in it, Jamie Winston. It was just...

Oh, yeah. And you. I am part of the AP team. You are part of the AP team. First man in 10 years. Really? Just to be in a campaign. Well, perfectly. I didn't know that until someone's home. I know you keep having to go out because AP sent me all these gorgeous, gorgeous goodies to wear. Why haven't you got them on? I'm like, why haven't you got your silk age in pocket airbox? It's got them basically. Yeah. When I was doing exhibit the other exhibit, the other day, our job was like put his arms off, lifted up in the air, and then pink silk box.

He's got yours. But no, it was just the most incredible night. We had Jules Holland on the piano, Paloma Faith. Sometimes that, you know, Jules Holland didn't play with it for that brilliant. And then... Doja Cat was nothing at all. Doja Cat was gorgeous. She was so lovely. And then, you know... I think I spoke to the Doja Cat. Nah, I mean, he was surprisingly. And DJ Fatone with his co-host Peter Crouch. Pete was MCing at one point, doing a garage remix.

Well, over a track that was an alternative carriage. It was a kind of like, what do you call them? Like a mashup. Mashup, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I had all my friends come to support me and, you know, everyone was just so positive about it. And I think, you know, that's what it's all about. Female empowerment, you know, you can look good, whatever age you are. And yeah.

My friend messaged me as she's in New York and it's like all in the windows in New York. We went to Selfridges the other day and other family shopping trip. Went downstairs. I think there was like the gym and stuff and underwear. Walked through but love self-grant to me. I was in the agent for Vocateur concession because even though... Oh my God. It's on the big screen.

behind the thing. I'm trying to, obviously you're in the wonder way, you feel uncomfortable really. I've got a five-year-old, a six-year-old boy, so glad to just move it quickly for a little bit. But we don't look like pervert. Which journey can I just stop there waiting for the message, just looking like this? And Johnny's like, is that you and Mark? I said, no, Johnny. I can't have his eyes. It's not us, mate. Come on, let's go over here. It's toys upstairs. Yeah. I'm proud of it. It's funny. No, it's very good, but it's quite racy. The party was, all my friends came down from Liverpool.

Yeah, it was class. And we just said it all. I was dying the next day. I've never drank so much LADIA in my life. But it's good. But it's stressful having your own party. All eyes on you. I was so worried in case no one would turn up.

And I also didn't, I invited my Liverpool friends, but I didn't, I only invited like Ruth and Claire from London. Cause I was like, I don't, I don't want anyone to come. You know, I was so scared. I just needed like, we gang with me. And then I'd be armed and fine. I've done things like that though. You know, when you do something good and you, you're supposed to invite people. And like crouch first, you forget to invite everyone. I didn't invite anyone. I was like, like, cause what if it flops? I don't want anyone. I know there. Yeah. And then, and then when it's great, you go, Oh, I wish their problems here.

And that's not the reason you don't invite them. You just don't invite them because you're super unorganized, which brings me to my weekly wine, actually. Let's go. Lovely. So it's a month to Christmas. Mm-hmm. Oh, what do you think of my trees, by the way? Fabulous. Fabulous. So Warren was here last night. So Warren from London event florist, and he is, you know, fuck Santa. When you've got Warren, you don't... Oh, quite nice. You don't need anyone else, but he is literally

he has literally transformed my house. And you know, with Warren, I don't even give him a brief because I'm like, he's just, it's like he jumps into my brain and he just delivers like it's incredible. And I was just like, I really want to go really chic, elegant, traditional Christmas. And he's like, fine, no problem. And he came with this huge team and it was done in like two hours and it is,

It's a very classy Christmas affair in the Crouch household. And it brings me on to my weekly wine, really. I feel it's just a little bit too early, and I don't want to be a Scrooge, and I see people doing this all the time. It's not Christmas yet. I'm all about the festive period, but I just think it's a bit early to be putting all these trees. I repeat a little bit. It's 12 days before, 12 days after.

I can't have trees. I take mine down on the next day. Do you? Like 27, the gun. You want to f*** me, so you? No, because I'm... No, that's probably a lie. I'll probably keep them up till the first. Yeah. Because I just want them gone because I think Christmas is all about the build-up. It is. You know, the excitement is the build-up, like once Christmas day comes and you hope and you... We're not doing presents this year, are we, by the way? Yeah, but you know...

It's not a thing. Can I just say like this is on the therapy crowd try we've got this unless it's that Jessica McCormack diamond ring I don't want anything she said this to me she's deadly like what I think is deadly serious do don't get me anything this year we don't need it I don't need it no genuinely Pete I've got my new curtains and that's all I need or doesn't that ring why are you tricking me like I'm not a promise it's totally down to you if it's optional

It's down to you. It's up to you. That doesn't mean don't do anything. No, it's up to you. You just said it's down to you. That means get yourself bucked out of fucking self, which is real, yeah.

No, I am joking. I genuinely, you've heard it here on the therapy couch guys and you're not going to see me after Christmas complaining that I didn't get anything. I do not want a present because I've got all I need. The only thing I want is you and your silk AP boxes. That's all I want. That's all I want. That's all I want.

Okay. Do you want to do that? That's a slow problem. You know, nothing gives me more pleasure than getting a new rug or, you know, something like that. So, you know, I don't need presents. I'll just buy like a rug or a little cushion. Right. Well, I sort of rock and sort of rug out. No, you can't.

You've got it wrong. But my weekly wine is I'm trying to be organized. We're so busy, you know, even with the kids' schools, like everyone who's got kids will know this. You know, it's Christmas Carol concerts, it's Christmas plays, it's school trips. I'm a volunteer on the trips, you know. The kids' social life runs up as well. So I need to be organized with our work and that. So I keep saying, I haven't got like an Amazon account. Yeah, conveniently. Yeah, conveniently.

So I keep sending Pete images of things thinking, right, do me jobs today. I've got my list on right Pete, order this, do this, do this. And he hasn't done. So I said to Pete, it's been two weeks. I'm like, Pete, none of the kids stuff's arrived. You know what we've, what I've ordered. And maybe I, um, we've missed the delivery. I don't have seen anything in the post. And he's like, Oh, I haven't done that yet. So now the sold out for the fucking squishmallow advent calendar.

The kids are like, what do you want for Christmas? All they want is this 24-day squishmallow advent calendar. I took the kids to Smith's Toy Store the other day and I thought, we'll have a little walk around and we take pictures of what we like and then we can write them on our list for Santa.

And they had loads of the squish, mellow advent calendars. And I stupidly kind of put them in the same category as a Christmas present when I give them on the face of December. So I could have given them to them because it's not a surprise. And I didn't get them. And now they sold out. And now there's... Keep up that. I'm going to impress you off. I thought this is a you problem or a people problem. But I asked Peter Audre on Amazon and they've sold out. You cannot get them. And that's all they want. So can I explain myself just briefly? I had a change of bank card.

So everything that was, well, we had things on order and it said payment revision needed. I sent you three dolls this morning, but you haven't ordered them. I saw that, yeah. See? Stuff to do. I don't know. I mean, that'd be the exact same. Honestly, I've got stuff to do. Christmas isn't on my agenda. It's not even December yet. You know? Yeah, it's in November. Yeah, I know. It's not even December yet.

You put it all about the build-up, it's all about being... So, if you don't get these things in, how am I going to have time to wrap them all? Well, you have got, you know, over a month. You need half an hour? Half an hour? Oh my God. Well, not getting him any gifts that you've shaped up on. Because you haven't got to wrap your own one this year. I've got Peter Goodgift.

I won't give to either, babe. You know what I'm like. I don't need anything. Again, very similar. There's lots of stuff in Asian rockers here that I could quite happily unwrap. OK, I'm going to wrap them back up for you and give you them. Perfect. That'll do. I've given half of them to Ruth anyway, my friend. Ruth always made up with them. Shall we help other people there? So what's your weekly one?

Well, I just said about it being Christmas early. It just feels like, listen, I love Christmas as well, like I'm a fan of it, like I'm not Scrooge. I just feel like, you know, these were up, it's kind of 1920 for November. The trees. That for me is still fireworks night.

is with Warren as well. He's fully booked by August. Yeah, he did say that. He's fully booked by August. So I have to grab whatever time I can with him. So it's like when Warren says the trees again, we know the guy we know because like Christmas is not Christmas without Warren.

I would literally drop dead if he didn't come to my trees. Christmas without Warren, just isn't Christmas. No? Well, fair enough. Alright, let's get some audience wines then, babe. Hi there, the Clants and Cardi P. A couple of licks things for you. Love you guys and the pod. I feel like we haven't had a Shabbat story for quite a while. Shabbat? So here's mine. A few weeks ago, I started infrequently shabbering my girlfriend of 12 years. She occasionally listens to your pod when I have it playing in the car, so she's aware of the Shabbat thing.

Occasionally listens. Casual, casual listener. Cheeky bitch. That's the best thing to be called. Cheeky bitch. Cheeky bitch. Last week I gave her a proper good shower. She shouted out in pain. Little did I know she had piles and hadn't told me. Basically I shabbered her piles.

I did receive a few punches on the arm in return for the pile shabber, which I totally accept was a good revenge, but in my defence I was unaware of the piles. If I had known, there would have been a no-shabry. No-shab-a-zone? No-shab-a-zone. Anyway, we're still together, but I'm not going to risk going anywhere near that area or again. You also see Lee Mark and his pile-ridden other half-ran. All right, Ben, I better just say a non-man. That's hilarious.

The shab is not supposed to go up your actual bum. I've turned up big air powers. It's a little finger, isn't it? It's a little thing, isn't it? A little poke. I've got two phobias in this world, snakes being one of them, and piles being the other snakes. You're not going to do any good in the jungle.

I was horrified with the thoughts of them. Really? Have you ever had them? No, they horrified me. Apparently everyone gets them at some point. I don't think men get... I don't think men get... We gave it a name and everything. What was the name? Freddy the Flap.

My makeup pals in 6-4, I've got his mum to put his preparation hate on them. And he was like 17, 18. What's preparation hate? Henry cream, pal cream. I've got his mum to rub his pal cream in 18 years of age. You can't do your own. I wouldn't get my mum, I don't know. How's he getting to do that? I think my mum did mine. She wasn't me. My mum came round with her little kids rubbering to sit me in the bath.

Listen, it's not to be a changeable. You've gone from there. Agent Pyle to a robot. The Agent Pyle? A new life. Listen, I'm normalising Pyle's. Everyone gets them in their life and if, you know, if there's going to be so much embarrassment about them, that's why people don't... Yeah, we've got to bring attention to the pile. No, it's a normal thing.

Yeah, I suppose, you know, you should be over at all. Pregnant women, imagine having a baby. Some babies come out six, seven, eight, nine pound. Imagine the weight of that inside your pressure, all that extra fluid you carry and extra weight. You know, it's gonna happen.

Yeah, they've got a bunch of grapes. OK. But I think what we need to do is if you... Maybe this conversation that we're having now, like normalising piles, she would have been able to tell him. Except, by the way, no showering this week. I've got piles. It's not a very nice thing to say. We've got to make it a taboo subject. We've covered them to be true, she said. Now onto piles. They're not pleasant, but it happens.

Yeah, pleasant piles. Alright. Well, let's move on. Hi, your conversation about favourite things reminded me of my late uncle Steve's favourite. Life's like a pubic hair on a toilet bowl. After a while, you get pissed off. That's your favourite saying, Sunday of a week up. After a while you get pissed off. Oh my God. Well, I can categorically say there's never been a pube in any of my toilets. I could link for toilets that clean. And if there was one, there's not something pissed off. No.

I'll tell you a little just for show. Pissing the shower. No! We have to go outside, utility room door and into the outhouse. Fred, that's disgusting, mate. But also, quite apt. You do get pissed off in the legs. I very rarely get pissed off.

What are you talking about? Very rarely, just usually Fridays between 12 and 7 when pizza goes. I'm not like a moody person. You get pissed off like 10 times a day?

his stuff with you. Yeah, probably. All right, let's go to a week of time. His stuff with Pete booking the cinema at half-ten last night. Half-ten? No, 850. 850. That's reasonable to go. 850. So you tell me how I can win in this situation, right? I had a... First one, 530 booked, can't do that. So the next one was seven, but Sophia had 10 is six or seven. That should have been your weekly wine. How much money you've spent on cinema tickets without going.

So funny because we got there, it's torrential rain, me peeking so fear went to watch Gladiator and it got to the tail. What did you say? I said to you to write in the phone, and you said both the nachos, or did you say non-compares to these? You've heard the story about crouches having these nachos, haven't you? I went fucking viral.

I believe that. I think he must have said it. Pete's favourite thing is nachos in the cinema. There's a big story that came out right and loads of people started asking me and it went and someone set up a web page telling us like massive and even now to this day still people tweet me again as is crutchy having his nachos.

Is that a Doritos? And the story goes that there was a big long queue at the cinema, right? And I walked to the front of the queue and said, Pete Krauch doesn't queue. And then said, nachos, didn't say please, just said nachos. And then as the nanny put the nachos down... Does no smoke without fire. Krauch is having these nachos, right? And proceeded to eat them whilst everyone was waiting at the cinema.

That's the story, which is obviously completely made up, right? But it's grueling, massive legs. I think I remember that, you know. It's t-shirts and everything. Honestly, do you want to tell me? I vaguely remember being in the cinema with you, a queue, and nachos. Shouldn't we went to that, was it? I never did that. No. Well, geez, I've used nachos. Nachos doesn't queue, nachos now. Nachos.

It just did happen. I like that, then someone said to me, yeah, but do you like that? And I said, hell, I'm partial. You love them? Because not embedded, that's people's like, not on beats this, doesn't it? Nothing. Nothing beats this cheese. And that plastic melted cheese. Oh, fantastic. I'm going to hunt, Doug. Oh, no. Did you just rip off this in a little bit? I just normally smuggle stuff in. Smuggled? We smuggled about all the water in. Ooh. I was like, Sophia. I was like, Sophia, put that in your coat now. I just wrote a big litre of water.

And then she got it out of the tail and said, can you hold that? I'm like, what the fuck did you go? It's only because I don't like them metal bottles. I like the glasses. I'm just a cheapskate. And so we had nachos. We had to make it gladiator too.

We need to set the scene. So the seats in the cinema were like the big beds. I love that. With the button full recline. I have Pete's bubble coat over me and I was like, I'm ready for bed now. I thought the gladiator. Paul, my skull.

I thought he did a great job. Paul. I thought he was great. Paul. Paul. Paul's a mixture between Todd and Arjan. Yeah. Thought he did. Well, actually. But yeah, obviously it's a good film, but like, if you compare it to the original, I don't think it compares really. I don't think it ever was going on, was it? It was the same. It was the best of all time for me. The reason that it really lost me, and I hate to criticise anyone else's work, but gladiator is

Literally one of our favourite films of all time and it's just so authentic and real and you feel like you're being transported into those times. Everything is believable. And then in this one, you had like this CGI fake monkey dog hyena thing, which is like a fake. Yeah. That was the only thing. Yeah, but it was good. It was an insane. Denzel was fabulous in it. I was entertained.

I was entertained. I was definitely entertained, but the cast does look great to be fair. I always felt like someone had, they had to do things like someone had said, I'll make this movie, but you've got to do these things. Just don't feel like

Who made of it? I don't feel like Ridley would do that. Ridley. Ridley and Paul. I just don't feel like Ridley would be OK with it. You're getting on like your mates with the cast of the Gladys. I'm not. I'm not. Just what you want me to call them? Do you mix in the same circles? That's just the face of Asian Propsida, Ridley and Paul. Yeah. Denzy. I love Denzel. Do you know what? Oh, Denzel's just got the most. What's the word?

charisma, yes, rhythm higher. I follow Riz. Dental's got such a distinctive walk, like every film, obviously it's his walk, that's what he does it, but it's like, it's a proper walk. That's another Ickler. People's walks. Yeah, but he's looked like he's got the confidence laughing. He carries that doesn't he? He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like... He's just like...

Either for me with one of the top five of actors of all time. Man on Fire is probably one of my top five films. Yeah. Crack a film. That is crazy. You can be quite mean in films, Denzel. Mm. Well, Taina Day is a bastard. Train and night? It's terrifying. Yeah, wow. It's pretty bad in 38 or so, as well.

Will you sleep for that bit? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

Sophia, Colleen and Danny. Who's Danny? From McFly. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It was McFly, I think. Yeah, I like him. We've met him before, and he's great. Yeah. I like him. Yeah. He just makes you like on a smile. He's a happy person. Yeah, he is. Happy good energy. Yeah. Gladiator. I thought we were entertained. We were entertained. Well, it was no gladiator.

Tofak Tofalo. Tofak Tofalo. One of my nicknames at school was Tallus Maximus Aurelius. Father, to another side, husband to a worldwide. I will have my vengeance in this life or the next. They had lines in it as well from the thing. He'd say like a line from the old film. Are you not entertained? Yeah, he did say that. He said something like something in this life or the next. It's like, oh, shut up.

Paul was fabulous. No, genuinely. You shut up. I'm not finishing back. You could not fault his performance at all. Yeah. Or dentals. All right, all the guys. He was good as well. Which one? The guy from Narkos. Paul Pascal, who's his name? Yeah. He's Claire's dream man. Zaddy. RPA Claire. Yeah. That's his dream man. She loves him.

And they said, there's nothing to go and watch it as well, I would say. A weekly shine, Abby, Pete, and Ross, I've listened to your pod from day one, I absolutely love it. Fellow scouts are here, but my husband and I have our three gorgeous children and have moved abroad 18 years ago. We're still abroad, but our kids have moved back to the UK. Firstly, because of uni, then jobs. Our two boys are back in Merseyside and our daughter is in London. But I love listening to your pod on my daily walks. It reminds me of home.

We get back as often as we can to our kids and families, especially my father-in-law, who we're very close to and is an absolute legend. Our oldest son got married at the beginning of May in Carden Park. We had a fabulous weekend celebrating. Then, straight after, my father-in-law became unwell. Long story short, it had been diagnosed with prostate cancer, but it was being managed with hormone injections.

I managed to get a doctor's appointment then onto the hospital after some tests and scans. We were told they couldn't do any more for him as his liver was failing. As you can imagine, we were devastated. He was fit, very vibrant, 85-year-old. He just loved to dance to any music until the early hours. He loved his garden with a passion and was a second dad to me after losing mine years ago. While he was in hospital, he wasn't eating much, so had the hiccups a lot.

I told him how to listen to your podcast as we're big liberal fans. And about the episode with the cure for hiccups, I'm not a fish. My husband and kids were laughing at the fact that my father-in-law said, I'll try that. So he did it the next time he had hiccups and it worked. We couldn't believe it. And it gave us so many laughs to the point where he would just sit up and shout, I am not a fish.

He would even put his hands together as if he was diving into sea and shout, I'm not a fish all over the ward. The nurses found it so funny too. We just want to say thank you for all those precious moments in the last few days. He passed away on the 31st of May and we brought him home.

We miss him so much, but we have those special memories to look back on. So I wanted to write in with this weekly shine. Thank you for what you do. Keep going. And also a shout out to Ross's laugh. I love it. As it's exactly the same as me and her sons. Much love to you all, Jacqueline. Oh, what a lovely message. Are you crying? Yeah. Oh, God, that was lovely. That is so nice, isn't it? You know, you do fit stupid things in here, like, you know, I'm a fish and that's

actually really helped a family going through a traumatic time. It's the best thing in the world. Oh, it's lovely that. Isn't it? Yeah, honestly. You get so many messages like that, and it does make you feel nice, isn't it? Yeah. It's great. It's brought a bit of laughter to someone. Yeah. In the gala, yeah. 85. It's good to go to age. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. Still having a laugh at that. Yeah, it's a lovely laugh, and I'm a boogie. Yeah. Oh, brilliant. Oh, thanks for the message, Shaq. Thank you, Jacqueline. That was lovely.

So back onto Christmas, there's still a lot to do.

It's just, this is my, this is my problem with Christmas. I've cleaned. You're saying, cause so much to do. I was laughing, cause a friend of ours, Emma, she was talking about, she's moved back in with a moment, a kids, and she was talking, like, you know, I'm doing like a deep clean for Christmas, like organizing every draw, getting loads of stuff for the charity, getting all the toys to, you know. Always gotta do a deep clean, obviously. Otherwise it's just not Christmas.

She's like, oh my God, she was like, I don't know his wares, you were my mum, she says my mum cleans things before she puts them in the bin. She'll get a yogurt pot and rinse it out. Yeah, yeah, I'm not about that life. She said she's got like a bottle of beer or something like that, you know, just like, just wash it all out. Make sure there's no beer left in it. Oh, real.

You have too much time on your house. Christmas is my favourite time of year. No, it's great. And you do such a good job. I have to say, I take the mic out of you. But I'm gutted this year because John's going to Liverpool to me, Dad. I was going to say, this is the first time you've done it without John. No, because he was in Cayman Island last year. Or the year before. Yeah. We're going to be on our own, aren't we? It's funny because...

You know, my brother and sister were like my kids in a way. Yeah. Because I was like 12 when John was born. So, you know, as I got older and they were, you know, Ellie was like eight years old when we met. Wasn't she? And nine, eight or nine? She was eight, yeah. And so we've always hosted Christmas. Yeah.

It's such a bizarre thing as, you know, they've got their boyfriends and the girlfriends and the both engaged. And, you know, that comes with the partner's family. So everyone's kind of moving away and I'm like, oh, where's all my babies got? So Elle's going to Ireland to Scott's and his mom, Catherine, who's... Catherine was here last year, wasn't she? She's great.

fabulous Catherine Scott's mom. So we had them last year. So they're doing it in 10s. So they're going to Ireland. John's going to Liverpool because we spoke about it before. His concept is morbid concept. John's gotten his head. I've only got 30 times left to see me dad. So he's worked like my dad's like 67 now. He's worked out if my dad dies at like say 75.

And he sees me dad once or twice a year. He's got like 10 times to see me dad before he dies. So it is back a bit, but I used to go home all the time. When I first moved down here, like one, 76 weeks, I literally go over Easter and Christmas now, like hardly ever. And like when John said that the other day, it did. You do think, don't you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. So John's going to Liverpool. So it's just going to be the crouches.

I'm happy with that though. You're because you don't want to be with anyone on earth apart from me? The kids? Stuck with them? Are you still going to do with De Niro or are you going to go out? I think it's a nice thing to be with your immediate family. More on Uncle Noobed dance around in the kitchen. Talk about a child like that.

No, it's just, it's just for me, like Christmas is just such a big deal. So while I'm like, yeah, you're allowed to go to other people's, I really don't want them to. I know, my mum says that to me every year, she goes, you know, if you do want to go to your dad's one year, you can't, I don't think. You'll never hear the end of it. I'm so, you know, like, we're beating friends, aren't we, you know? But I say to me, Dad, do you want to come, oh, I can't be asked with all that.

My dad, like, he just says it as it is. Oh, can't be asked with that. Now going all the way there to go all the way back. No thanks. Can't be asked. Can't be asked to be grandkids. No, no, my dad's coming down for Christmas next week. Yeah, he is. Yeah, John was saying. But he's now saying he doesn't want to go into London. He wants to stay local. So we need to get like it. Can you that? He said he wants to walk. The dogs go to a nice crunchy pub. Have a nice few drinks.

It sounds like my life. Yeah. You can give him up for the pizza. I know, yeah, pizza won't eat up as close as it doesn't. On this podcast. Do you think that is insane? Do you think that's absolutely insane? Do you think that is more drip? It was in my draw with no tags on it. It did have the tags on, you took them off. I think it might have been a tag on it. Well, I thought it was a new thing that you got me. I was very appreciative. Thank you. But there was two of them. So there's one for me and one for you, Dad.

I got my dad too. Why? She didn't get me one, but you got him too. I was on buck off. Well, my dad likes a hoodie, as you know. You can have one. I have one. But it's not yours. Do you remember when we went to Dublin? I'd used to have bought the same coat or something like that. You'd done me Jeff? Yeah. Oh, that was so funny. You got to stop doing that. What was that story? I bought me dad, John. I bought Pete this coat.

No, because they both said a lot. I love that coat. No, I bought it. Did a bite for me dad first? Not for me. It's a piece that they wore that they did. Yes, I bought a piece, this big bebry puffer jacket, but it's all plain. It's not like heavily branded. And my dad was like, oh, I love that. My dad loves a coat and he loves a hoodie and he loves a bear trade. I think that's where I get my trainer. Fettishram.

No, we killed him with that gee-le. Oh, yeah. Last time. A yellow one. Lemon, gee-le. Got it in Italy. Look at friggin' squish-milla. So we got my dad and our John the Coaster when we went to Dublin. Yeah. They all brought the Coats. But didn't call, did they? Three of them had it on. You got the f*** you bring that f***? Three of us. The thing is, I had it first. But my dad was so funny. My dad was like, I can't wear mine. Like a right with three twats. But my dad was like, well, I can't wear mine now. I've seen it around it.

Yeah, he was never, he was. No. That's what we need to do. That's what we should have planned. And a little trip. Yeah. Oh, a little like. Do you think we could fit it in? That dabbling trip was great. Oh, phenomenal. Oh. What do you want to do, Christmas? Like, what's up, like? Have you ever had dinner out? I mean, Mum says that every year, I'm not doing this again. I'm bucking off restaurants and you can all fuck off. Yeah, but it's never the same. Yeah.

You know, it's, it's always the gravy. I do the best gravy. Yes, sister. You get a, we always go out and get red wine, Jew. Come on, that. One type of you can't drink. There's a bit, though. I don't knock a bit of this, do you? I like, you know, I like the, the flavours of the meat in there, but there has to be some sort of bit, though involved. There's to be some kind of stock cube. Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

Give all gravies spectacular. Yeah, I do the best grave. Yeah, you do. And I just don't like that. I think you used to know that Arjana isn't he? Because Arjana is the most incredible cook. Yeah, it's top chef. And he's not going to be there. So normally my Christmas is me just going, oh, give that lipstick with my booksfizz. Yeah. And now I'm going to have to be doing everything unless we go out. I can help.

The thing is that we could just do the M&S one. We've tried that top notch. It's incredible. It's a lot easier. And the prep is done. Yeah. So it's a lot less faff. Because I don't want to be in the kitchen for like five hours making the dinner for me, eating the kids and no one eats it.

I hate the way you say that. It should matter, just the same as having that family round. I've actually got that. I'm sorry. I'm just doing that for Pete. For fucking Pete. It was in every day. So funny because on the Gladiator movie last night, so he comes home from war and greeted by his wife and she goes, darling, let me feed you. And Pete just went, have a look.

Even he's getting a roast. You know, she'd go to a wall, like in front of a way. I know. No, because I know what I will admit. I will admit. I'm sorry. Yesterday, I did. He was a mix up with my online food order. So it didn't come one day. So I had nothing in at all. So I had some salmon. That was a particular day where he'd come over and touch his face like that. Let me prepare some food.

I added it on, she just said, let me feed you. Will feed my man. It's not changing that you dick. So I said to Pete last night, sorry, Pete, there's no dinner. You're gonna have to order something. You're gonna have nachos at the end. Push straight in. Okay, actually he's having his nachos. They are good though. Christmas Eve's a good night, isn't it? Do you like Christmas Eve?

I love it. It's just always got to have that fine balance between not having too many. Because you know, you're going to be up at 5.30 in the morning. We've done that loads of times. It's just that you don't want to go if you go over that kind of. Those Christmases. Just a few Bailey's. Just a few Bailey's. Keep it level. Couple of points.

I like Christmas Eve because everyone comes round. Yeah. You know, we get the party food on the go. Mm-hmm. Few drinks. We love a ram, sing star and a dance star, isn't it? Yeah, that's good. That one. Yeah, and you're matching for Jarvis. Matching for Jarvis? Oh, shit. I haven't done that. Oh, for God's sake, it was still November.

What are we going to do? Yeah, it's literally all my to do. I think Christmas Eve was evolved from when I was a kid. They were like, oh baby, Sienna gets like a Christmas Eve box now, which is basically like what I used to get for Christmas Day. They're like whole... Quite a little present. Yeah, a box full of presents. I don't know why you realise this. Well, you know, like in Europe, like when I played with all the scandal, you know, like they would just celebrate on Christmas Eve. The 24th year. Yeah, and then they'd come in on Christmas Day.

and train because we train and then obviously when we're all darting off trying to get a roast somewhere because we've got a game the next day we might be travelling, still do what I was playing, why didn't we just do European? Celebrate then, do presents then, then I go to training and go to football. And do you celebrate in January as well, King's Day? I know in Spain and Portugal do that as well, like the fifth and sixth of January they're still partying.

To be honest though, I quite like the day it first is a cut off for the hour party season deal. I'm ready to stop. Well we haven't been able to do anything for New Year, ever. You've got kids, don't you? I always remember that when I was playing football. For ten years we didn't even see the New Year end, did we?

No, because when I was playing football, obviously the business time, you'd play Boxing Day, play 28th, play the first, then you played it that weekend. And then that weekend after the FA Cup, it's kind of a free week. So everyone's totally blown out, right? And we're like, I'm ready to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's like, please, everyone's going to come out and say it. No, mate. Yeah, no, the whole world's not out. Yeah, I feel like you're... Are you going to do Dry Jan? Yeah, I think so. It's my birthday.

I don't need beer stuff at the time, I'll bring the party whenever. We've got a few trips planned as well, right? Lapland UK. You know, Jack's five now, the baby, and he's really so excited for Christmas. So we've got a few things. We're actually going to the Hogwarts, Harry Potter, Hogwarts in the snow, which will be amazing. We've got Lapland coming up, which I can't wait to go to. Yeah. And then I'm doing a little Christmas party for the kids.

and their school friends. So, that's going to be mega. You've got to be mega. I've got a couple of golf drinks. Oh, where we go? You know, golf and drinks. Just get an A now. Yeah, yeah. The kids party, the dads are coming. OK.

And then I would love to go and see the New Devil Wears Pro at Christmas Eve with the New Devil Wears Pro at a musical. I'd like to take it. Oh yeah, you normally do a show of Christmas, isn't it? Yeah, I want to keep, I want to do something with the girls. So me, my friend Claire and her daughters, me and my daughters, aren't, I will come. So we're going to do that and then you can do something nice with the boys. Oh, you're going to see, you're taking the boys to the first game, aren't you? I am. Well, I've taken them to the first Liverpool game.

Oh, congratulations, Pete. You've been one to this for a while, haven't you? Well, it's one of those where I don't know whether to like, I didn't know where to take them and what to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm an Auradabatic, so I'm a footballing kind of nomad really, like, live down south, but...

People, the kids are Liverpool fans, aren't they? They are. They love my shallow. Is that the dad played for Liverpool? Their mom's scouse. Granddad would not have it any other way. So... Yeah, and it's also a great place to go and watch football, you know what I mean? So... Yeah, they want to go. They've been asking me for ages, but I've just been... Because I don't want to go too early, because it might be overruled by the situation. Yeah. I feel like it's just the right time now. I think they are at age for this night, I would say. I think that's when I start to kind of go into everything. Yeah. I'm kind of...

My first game was Liverpool as the villa, I think. Did you not used to go and watch Pete? No one was in a... I can't even watch so many beaters, I've only really scored ever. I've got this. Good times.

But yes, I'm really looking forward to that. Yeah, that would be nice. Hopefully, I hope they enjoy it. Christmas day and Christmas day. Christmas day and Christmas day as well. Ultimately for us, like Christmas, it's just about making memories. Yeah. And I know we laugh and joke and say, I want this diamond ring. I don't, I just want everyone to be together. And, you know, I want my kids to go, do you remember when we did that? Yeah. And do you remember when we had all the kids around and we were, you know, I've got all like, you know,

This is a amazing website I found. It's called Baker and Ross. Baker and Ross. Baker and Ross. And it's like an arts and crafty kind of thing. And they've got everything. So like all like Christmas glittery stickers and decorating baubles and loads of fun stuff. So I'm going to do all of that. We're doing gingerbread decorator and Santa's coming. Maybe we can do a little feature on the pother view doing a little arts and crafts. I'm still trying to get freaking reindeer. An actual reindeer.

Yeah, but it turns out it would be cheaper for me to buy my own reindeer and re-home it the next time. Can you hire reindeers? Yeah, you can hire reindeer. But it's quite expensive. So I'm like me and the girls like... Bit reindeer. So we're actually debating buying our own reindeer.

Just don't say it's in wee, is there wee in that? No, me and the girls, me and the girls, but then I'm like, is that a bad message? Like a reindeer, it's not just for Christmas. Yeah, exactly right. And you don't want to get locked in a custody battle with the other girls, do you? Who's getting it on what days and all that? You can still, they'll want to give it to me. Sharon's already transported me off with her ducks that she got.

Well, you're a reindeer in the middle of June and gone. They got them in the farm, round the corner. I was just going to see if we could borrow them. Just go Panto style and get petered. Of course you would just finish that. We'll get a double end of it. That's a good idea. I'll take the front end. I'm on goal end.

No, so that's what it's about and I hope everyone listening has an amazing Christmas. Yeah, and I hope so too. Yeah. I don't think the listeners will think it's too early to decorate the house. No, we'll hear from them. I would like some pictures, the percentage of pictures of their trees. Yeah, yeah. Get some elf inspiration to be good as well. Oh my God, freaking elf. I'm just not up for that this year. Elf on the shelf. I like it. I'm happy to take that job. I enjoy that. Yeah. Like the best of my favourite one last time I had him put in the car arms around the bar. Yeah, yeah.

No, the worst one was when you poured all the bloody Cheerios down the toilet. Oh, yeah. I was a v-thrower, wasn't me, it was the elf. Yeah, we put cling film over the toilet seat. Yeah. And tipped a whole box of Cheerios and it was all over the floor and the elves were just like...

That's good go and laugh, that's commitment to laugh too. Did I do that? Yeah, I didn't even remember. I remember you getting into it like she didn't. No, it's a good fight. No, but you get into bed overnight and then you can shit the elf. Yeah. We haven't done the elf. Yeah, that's the nightmare when you're tired and you're in bed. But our kids are, they love it, but they're scared about it, so they can't go upstairs. Yeah, and obviously I was like, that's... The elf? No, the elf? He's been lost. No, he doesn't. He can't, he can't go upstairs. That's the rules.

the way it does start off like really like really enthusiastic where we're like putting like ice and sugar on the floor and putting prints like it's Santa's footprints and then the next one it's just like sitting on the edge. Yeah, on the telly. By the by the 20th it's just stellar then I'm so tired.

It's a busy season for them.

Yeah, I'd like us to know if we're into fun. She gets some agony abs. Remember, if you're liking this, subscribe. Okay, agony abs here. Hi, Peter, Abby and Ross feels mandatory to say I'd love to pod. I'm hoping for some advice or ideas. I'm Irish. I've moved to London three years ago. My best friend at home got married last year, and since the wedding, she's been really down. She's really struggling to adjust to married life, and has even said things like getting married doesn't fix the problems that were there before. And how is my life?

How is this my life at 29? I am the only person she talks to about it. I think me being in another country helps because I feel somewhat separate to home. She's the nicest girl in the world and it's so hard to see her upset. She's turning 30 in December and because of the way she's feeling isn't having a party, which is so unlike her, she's normally the life and soul of a night out.

She's always wanted to come visit me in London but because of wedding planning, the wedding itself and the honeymoon she never got a chance. Now she has booked flights to visit me for the weekend and I want to surprise her by doing something special for her birthday because I think it would be a shame not to mark her turning 30 and she deserves to celebrate.

I was looking at afternoon tea, spa days, cocktail evenings, or even just booking into a nice hotel for the night while she's over, but everything's so expensive and I'm worried they seem a bit cliche. I'm also on a budget so it's annoying. I may not be able to go above and beyond, but I'm willing to try if it's something that's guaranteed to be good. Not that she's fussy, I'm sure she'll appreciate anything. She wouldn't expect anything anyway. You guys seem to know how to celebrate. So I thought,

You would have, you might have some good ideas on what I could do in London to make it special. I would appreciate any advice. I really want to make it one to remember she deserves it. Thanks so much and sorry for the long email. Again, love the plot, pod. P.S. Shahwa's Ross. We could send Ross as a kiss-a-ground. Aye, botlet in the box. Oh, that's sad.

Life's too short to be in an unhappy relationship. And to settle so many people up there. It's easier said than done, though, isn't it? It is. It is. It is easier said than done.

Do you know what I saw in London with that? That looks quite good. It's this cocktail bar where you bring your favourite spirits, or I bring bottle of Jamesons or whatever, and the TCHF5 cocktails that you can make with that bottle of spirits. That's amazing. And it's not that expensive either. It's like 30 or a quid per person, and then you bring the spirit, and then you can get pissed on your own bottle. Amazing. And it's like a proper classic bar. I can't remember the name, but it might be worth a look. It's good. I'd love to do that. I'm doing wreath-making.

Oh my god. That was more expensive as well. Like 70 quid. That is so good. What else do they do? Maybe a show? Yeah. There's watch-along cinemas in London as cinema. There's watch-along pictures in London as well where you can go.

I don't know, I think White Chicks was on the other day, but whatever the ETH joined in the movie, the Saviour at like an Alacarth style as well, it's actually really good. The thing is, though, with the cinema, with the cinema, you can't talk, and they probably won't have a good catch-up. What about like, um, yet like Hampton Court, or...

Battersea Power Station, they've got the ice rink, they can do a bit of shopping, there's loads of bars there. Very Christmassy. Few outdoor markets, and they're there as well. Yeah, I like that. Me too. I think he's good as well, isn't it? What's the food market as well? Bora market. Bora market, isn't it? That is what they are. And you can kind of spend as much as you want to, don't want there as well, can't you? Yeah. Yeah. You can do a little shopping day, then go to make their own cocktails, and then hit the club.

She needs to have a good laugh. Yeah, all right. I don't want anyone unhappy over Christmas. No, no, we don't want that. Loving the podcast at the moment, I've watched it for ages. Been living in London for the last two years and not having much luck on dates. I've probably been on a few dates a year by keep getting friends owned. Do you have any advice on how to stop this from happening or what I can do better? Also, do you have any tips on how I can meet more girls in general or when I'm out on nights out, et cetera? Cheers, Rob.

Peace and veg. Peace and veg. Yeah. Rob, I need some finishes. Peace. Have you got any finishes in the world? Yeah. As a, as a swordsman in the previous life rod. Oh, I have to get your conversion rates off my pizza crowd. You can come to the right place here, Rob. You're going to get canceled. Let me sort you out. You're going to have to cook all of that. No way. That's fine. You can't say that. You'll get canceled. Love. Look at that. I'm saying a sword. That's fine.

Obviously, it's funny, it's not true in a slayer. My dad's got a mate who's a sex liar. Is he? Ramrod? Ramrod. He said, he said, like, when he was younger, like, he went out with that many girls. He got the nickname, Ramrod. And my dad was listening to him talking about it. And my dad said, he was just, like, constantly sex lying. Yeah. Jay from New between us. Oh, yeah. What can he do, babe? I'm going to show you us now. You're a girl.

Will I like a nice guy? I'm not into bad boys, so I think a lot of girls do. I think, I don't know, I haven't been on the dating scene for 20 years. This, this, this, treat, treat me and keep him keen. But it's not, you're not going to get that advice from this podcast. Because that's not our vibe, is it? It's honest. I don't, I don't agree with that. When such spreading, not but love. Yeah, and also keep being you, Rob. I don't think, you know... I don't think he needs to change at all. Especially the friends over here. He must be a nice guy. People want to be around you.

But there will be one that wants a little bit more than the friend zone. You know, keep stick with it, I would say. Yeah, for you. Different activities, get out, do things as well. That's how you meet people doing things. But also you do have to sometimes close, close. You know, you can't, if he's not closing and he's just letting that friend, like, make it clear. Like, is this, is this sort of an era or not? Like, yeah, maybe do it early. Yeah, because if you finally have the friend zone, maybe just letting a teeter on a little bit, if there is a bit of a spark, just go.

Come on, Gail. What's going on here, then? I'm joking. I'm stupid. Relationship and right advice by Ross. Come on, Gail. Come on, Gail. Come on, Gail. Let's have it, then. Let's have it, then. Let's have it, then, Gail. I don't listen. He doesn't need nights out, nights in. You know, keep doing stuff. Get yourself out there. Put yourself out there. I'm sure you'll... What would you do to Willa Gail?

Well, it depends, if you talk about the initial meat or the first date or... People have a compilation of the best goals. I know, yeah. Actually, we can't take any advice from Pete. Pete took me to the old man's pub opposite his flat on our first date. 20 years later. The old, I made my own drink. I made me buy my own drink and I had no money, I had seven pounds.

He literally offered you that you said. He thought you were supposed to say no. I was kind of toilet. He said, do you want to drink? I said, yeah. I'm going for being an independent woman, but by the drinks. Yeah. I thought girls would play as two. Yeah. They are, but it's just the... You can get a drink in surely. No. I've never bought a drink in my life apart from that night. What? What? What did you offer? Because I thought you'd say no. Yeah. But on the top. Yeah. Put it on his turn.

Okay. Yes, be you mate, be you. Be you mate. The right girl will come along. Yeah. A midwife here is replying to the previous agony app that we had. Remember this one. I sent you an email on the 13th of September heartbroken that I had to end my career with 30 years as a midwife. Yeah, I remember this lady. A role I loved and felt privileged to do. I wrote to you asking for some advice as I thought Pete would know how it felt.

When his career ended, and it was clearly so passionate about being a footballer, you guys gave me such good advice about ways in which I could be useful and participate actively in midwifery. Midwifery. Midwifery. How did it know? Midwifery.

I just needed some help on how to think outside the box. Abby quite rightly told me I needed to change my negative thinking, which I totally needed to do as I felt hopeless and really sad. I felt I had no future in my beloved career.

Peace suggested I should use my skills and experience by writing. I took your advice, Pete. I put pen to paper and started writing, and I haven't stopped. I've also undertaken many online courses, which means I can remain on the midwifery register for a further three years, which I would never have done without your advice.

I'm writing opinion pieces for midwifery publications. I haven't submitted one yet, but I will very soon. I hope to get published in one of the midwifery magazines. I can't thank you enough for uplifting me, making me think outside the box. Obviously I still have down days, but generally I'm more positive about the future and may even go one step further eventually and make some YouTube videos for new mums, as suggested by Abi.

So watch this space says me though who can't even know I can't even do a real. How amazing is that? Watch this space. You may see my mug on YouTube doing newborn bath demonstrations in the future. That's incredible.

Thanks again, you wonderful pair. You've given me the kick up the arse I needed to get out of the black hole I was in. Genuinely, you've given my role as a midwife a future when I thought there wasn't one. I'm still hopeful of delivering a baby again one day. Finding your podcast and loving it has completely helped me. 100% I will be forever grateful and forever a listener. Keep up the good work helping people with their problems as you genuinely do make a difference. Thanks so much, a very grateful Emma from Shop Share. How lovely is that?

Yeah, I know. That was a good one. Do you know what? Like, three is unclear. That's because we had so, so, so many people write in. They were affected by that message originally with, like, advice and tips and ideas. And it was echoing what you guys kind of said, like, right, or do a podcast on, but it obviously, like, totally. I feel emotional today. I feel like I've got a cry right there. But it was a compliment. You know, it sort of sent me over the edge.

I thought there was a couple of really emotional kind of, yeah, because I think we don't see it really as, we kind of see this as entertainment really. It's fun, isn't it? I don't know what I see it as. Well, there's two people there that we have help. I just see it like, we just sit and we all have a chat and a laugh. And it's actually a real honour that you can, you know, change someone's mood, get them out of a dark place, help. You know, it's quite an incredible feeling.

And lovely. Because sometimes that's what you need. Isn't it someone to just sit and talk, do this, do that. A lot of people don't have people to talk to. So many people. Honestly. Yeah. All right. Well, that's great. It's a Christmas miracle. I love bathroom newborn babies. It's the best. It's a good round here.

I used to love the bathroom and the sink, like a tiny baby, you can hold it on the one hand and it'd be like, it's a good, good time. I would have said that, that we're never going to experience that again.

I think we've experienced a lot of it. Listen, thanks for listening to the pod. Thanks for writing in, because we love to support everyone's given us. Follow us on our socials. Visit the website therapycatch.com, find us bonus content on there, and send questions because we love helping and we love having a laugh at your expense as well. See you next week. Merry Christmas.