Hey, everybody. John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredients to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to The Weekly Show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey everyone, Desi Lightick here. The Daily Show is on break for the holidays, but in the meantime, we put together some special highlights for you. We'll be back in the new year on January 7th with all new episodes. What do you think about young people getting all of their information and entertainment from social media? I see no problem with it.
Why would you? It seems great. Is that true? I mean, I don't know because, obviously. TV is dying. What? No, no, sir. Well, let me ask you a question. In your mind, seeing as I work in television,
Will I die first? Because if that's the case, I don't mind. But don't you so watch TV, but you just watch it on your computer. On TikTok, on your phone. Right, but you understand that that's still TV.
It's just you're watching it in a different delivery service. It's like heroin is heroin, whether you snorted or shoot it. It's still an opiate for the masses as his television. You're just getting it in smaller bites, but it's still, it's like, it's still TV. We make it. Unless you have to look at your face like this poor boy.
If he only knew the business he was in. Well, I hope we don't die quickly, and stay. And you're here, and we're making TV for you tonight. Welcome to the Daily Show. I'm your host, John Stewart, captain of this dying medium. I don't know if you even saw that to me. Oh, the gentleman tell me tonight. He said, oh, I'm so happy to be here. You know your television is dying.
And I said, I am aware, and in fact, I'm contributing to it. You're welcome. I have a lot of interviews that you've had in these many years. There's one that stands out as the most profound. Ooh, most profound interview. Well, so I've interviewed people like literal dictators, like people that have killed people like, I don't know if you remember, Perez Musharraf was the leader of Pakistan,
And this was post 9-11. And Al-Qaeda had been threatening him with an assassination. Now, I've had great like Malalia Sausage and Bishop Desmond Tutu, Jimmy Carter, like people of pure goodness. Like you just, they vibrate on a different plane of kindness and goodness than most people. And you can feel it on them. And then you have dictators, slightly different vibe.
So, Pravez Mushar, it was only memorable because, so he was, at the time, the president of Pakistan, and he was under assassination threat. He'd just written a book, and it was his autobiography, I think. And so, he came here to the show to promote it. And that day, we had snipers on the roof, we had AK-47s in the hallway, guys marching, we had bomb dogs, we had
I mean, it was a level of security that I had never seen before. And I realized, like, this man is risking his life to tell his story on this show. I should have read the book. That's what I remember thinking is I thought, I thought, oh, shit. I feel terrible now. Here's your skies.
He could die, and I'm just gonna be like, so... is Pakistan hot? Like, I didn't know shit. So the crazy part was, even with all that security layer, right, in the studio, they put a Kevlar front on the desk. Like, this was no bullshit. Many of you are younger, so you don't remember. After 9-11, we all lost our minds safety-wise.
So they put a Kevlar front on the Daily Show desk, and I'm in there, and I'm looking at it, and I say, because there are secret service agents from both countries, America and Pakistan, in the room. And I go, so tell me about this, what's going on? And they said, well, if somebody manages to get through any kind of security issues and tries to assassinate President Musharraf, we will jump
and push him down below the Kevlar to protect him from the bullets. And I said, you know, funny thing is, I'm also, you know, because, you know, I understand, he'll be there, and then I'll be sitting there, what should I do? Without missing to be in a New York City cop walk by and he goes, you fucking duck.
Oh, dear God. Now you're... These are one of those that are always the wrong kids. I was six years old. You would come on. My paw and I...
what you know now. You know, if you went back to, you know, the early 90s, or anything, you would have advised us or done differently, like different guests, like somebody that you can have or not. On the MTV program? Yeah. You watched that show? Because it was like, I think the guests, the first guests on the MTV show, the premiere episode. Now, this is, so I should explain this to my kids, the younger people they are. MTV.
was a cultural course in like the 70s. No, in the 80s, I guess it started, right, with Video Kill the Radio, sorry, the Buggles. And then from there, it was really cool. And then, I don't know what the f*** happened to it, but my first guest was Howard Stern, was the first guest. And he came on and he said, you suck. The set looks ridiculous. You'll be canceled in six weeks. And I just sat there like,
But, you know, it was such a different kind of show. I think the two guests on that first show were it was Howard Stern, a boy that ate cheese into the shape of states. Who was referred to in all the production documents as cheese boy.
The crazy part is Cheeseboy is probably like 50 now. Cheeseboy is an ophthalmologist. But we had so much fun, but it was such a different ethos. And then we went to, I was hired to replace Arsenio, which makes total sense. And so you can imagine how that went. And then that got canceled. I remember the last two weeks of that show were just chaos.
Like, it's good that they took us off the air because someone was gonna die. Like, Marilyn Manson was on the show. He lit a fire during his performance. An actor smashed a mug and cut his hand wide open. And the final one was, there was an act called the Birdman of Vegas. And the Birdman of Vegas had a Condor Act. I don't know if you've ever been around Condors. They're gigantic. They were probably like, there's my size.
not that I'm gigantic, but in the bird world, I'd be badass. Like, if I woke up on a pigeon, the pigeon would be like, I don't want any problems. But the bird, there's like six feet tall. So he's doing the bit, and the bit is, his assistant is there, and the condor will fly from his arm to the other. And it's a giant bird with a wingspan of 12 feet, and it flies over. But the bird apparently wasn't
going to do that that day. Instead, what it did is it flew into the audience. And so a giant condor just started pecking the shit. Like, and then the audience starts chanting, sue them, sue them. And I'm just like, I, and we're really canceled. We were already canceled. I was just like, I will let the birds kill everyone. I don't give a ****
But that was the experience there. So if you say, would you have done anything differently? I'd be like, I guess I would have made sure the condors were leashed. How happy am I to be back tonight? You know, I don't know if any of you have ever had to slog it out one day a week like this.
You know, I don't know what you guys do. And I listen, this is not the disrespect to your work ethic or any of the things that you are. But, you know, it was around three o'clock today, three o'clock in the afternoon. And I remember turning and looking at somebody and saying, I just don't know how much longer I can do this. You know, because it was almost four.
No, it's been, I have to say, it's been lovely. You know, I have been in hibernation for a few years with my family and I would never give that about like it was, it's been wonderful and COVID played very much into my social leanings in terms of reclusiveness. So once a week is about right for me with people and for people with me.
The best piece of advice. Wow, that is such an end-of-life question. That really is what that... Nobody ever comes in like a 22-year-old and like, best advice. They're like, well, beer on liquor, never been sicker. All right. The best advice I'm trying to think of... good advice, I don't really...
I don't seek counsel in that way. I didn't have a mentor. This was back in like late 70s, early 80s. So there were no mentors. I was raised feral. So I don't have a ton of advice. Oh, here's one. This is a good one.
So I used to host a show on MTV, it was a talk show, and then it got bought by Paramount to replace Arsenio. So I was the natural replacement for Arsenio. Because I think a lot of people are like, hey, the hip African American guy, let's stick maybe small Jew in his place.
and see what happens. And so the show was on for like nine months, and it got canceled. And we were all very sad. And when your name is on it, and they tell you to get out of the building, it's very hurtful. David Letterman came on the final show. And on the final show, he said to me, don't confuse cancellation with failure. And I thought that was really interesting. And then in the commercial break, he said, although this is also a failure.
He just, he just didn't want me to confuse it. Hey everybody, John Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, The Weekly Show, coming out every Thursday. We're going to be talking about the election, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredients to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday?
Listen to The Weekly Show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcasts. I mean, the same world for young people right now is... Oh, you're good. And so... How old are you? I'm a great student. Oh, you'll be... You got so many... We're gonna f*** this. We're gonna ruin this so much. You have no idea what we've got planned. You are walking into Thunderdome.
No, honestly, we do this all the time. Every generation, even the greatest generation, they drop atomic bombs on people. We always think that the world is at its worst in the moment that we're in it, but you have to remain optimistic because the images that they present to us are to heighten your fear. That's how they make their, oh, you're going to love the show tonight, I think.
I'm going to love Michelle. So what are you thinking? I think a lot of young people are a little bit not happy with the choice of candidates. I just feel like my vote, our voice doesn't matter. Oh, it so matters. In fact, your voice is, can I tell you something about advertisers? Do you know that advertisers, they look at different demographics.
But the largest demographic that they look at is 18 to 24. That's the one that means everything to them. Use that power, the power of the person. I'm 61. I'm not even listed anymore. Like literally companies would be like, what about people over 55? And they're like, I think they might be dead. Like don't discount the power that you guys have. You have a tremendous amount.
I would think on Instagram. I would tell them on Instagram. This is the fight, man. No, no generation ever feels empowered or seen or any of those things, but what I would suggest is trust your discomfort because you clearly feel it, but discomfort is a wonderful motivator. It's sort of the difference between stress and anxiety, like
Action is the antidote to anxiety. And if you feel anxiety, it will lessen as you take action. Small actions, like a little bit every day. You know, I have young people that live in my house. And I usually see them after three when they've woken up. And generally, they just want me to make them a bagel. So it's different.
But honestly, that discomfort will spur you on. I'm sure of it. And your generation. And then you'll be in a position to save us, but you won't want to. You had a question about college campuses? OK. So the cafeteria, if you want to go by the quad, you're going to look for the quad. Usually the food is near the quad.
Listen, the beautiful thing about college is that it's built for you to push the limits of who you think you are and who you think you want to be. And it's a wonderful experience. The thing that I would say to you is,
have the courage in the internal barometer that you've developed over the years for yourself about right and wrong and don't necessarily just allow the conditions that you find yourself in to shape that.
you're here for a reason, and you're that way for a reason, and be strong in that, and learn, be open to people, but be convicted. I think it's a wonderful experience for kids, and I don't worry about, you know, Gen Z, they're so f***ing, they shut the f*** up. You know, every generation is like, that generation sucks. We were awesome, and I'm like, eh. I know my generation, like, we were doing whippets in 11th grade, like,
Wow, that's a great question. And I really thought you were going to end it with what's a book. Because you get that a lot from the kids now. Sir, I have a question. What's a book? And I was going to say, it's like a movie. You flip. I would say so.
This may sound antiquated. I feel like I was raised on Kurt Vonnegut. And so any Kurt Vonnegut, I had the hole from player piano to breakfast at Champions, to slaughterhouse five, to, you know, mother and all of them. And he was my favorite author by far. And I felt like he educated me in the genre of
optimistic cynical humanism. Like the thing that you're talking about, how do you maintain? So he's a guy who was an author who came of age. He fought in World War II. He saw Dresden. That's what Slaughterhouse 5 was about. It was about his experiences seeing the worst.
that people could do. And people always mistook his cynicism as, or his, I guess I should say, his dryness as cynicism. But it was really idealism. He believed so much in people that he couldn't help but be somewhat disappointed that we were blowing it in the way that we were blowing it. But I would say, line your desk with Kurt Vonnegut and you cannot go wrong. And I was lucky enough
to get to interview him when he was, you know, hadn't passed away yet.
No, but he came on. And when he passed away, his son sent me, he was also a really wonderful caricatress, sent me a doodle of his that he had inscribed to me before he passed. So it's one of my most cherished. But I would say Kurt Vonnegut, you can't go wrong. And playboy.
How do you maintain a sense of hope and levity when time is safe? How do you keep laughing through all that? Right. How old are you? I'm 19. 19 years old and the world's already beat the shit out of you. And it's always the young dudes that are like, I have a quick question. I'm 19 years old.
when hope is gone, when the darkness slowly creeps down. I'm 61, so I'm already an injury time.
Like, so I'm good. I'm actually weirdly always optimistic. We go, I think maybe that is the horizon of history. I came up at a time in the 60s where we had all these great leaders and we killed all of them, every single one. And then we went to Vietnam and law and then Watergate, like shit was just unraveling.
So I do think it gives you a sense of, oh, it's always a mess. And what that makes you realize is, oh, so it's just, that's the game. We buckle down, you got a lunch pail it, and you carry it through. You're 19. You'll someday, when you're 61, and people be saying, how do you maintain optimism? You'll be like, you have no fucking idea what it was like when I was a kid. You will be that guy to be able to say, you're thinking bad now?
And obviously, look, it is. These are 10-year-olds signs. And maybe even we'll talk a little bit about that on the program tonight. I mean, it's a terrible time. It's a good thing. No.
Because part of the issue is you just want someone to talk to you like you're a human, like you're an adult. Not like it's a work. Not like it's their spinning you or any of those. And that's my biggest complaint with all of this. Nobody expects perfection. Everybody knows that the obstacles and all the things that are going to be thrown in front of us are going to be arduous. That's life. Life is hard.
You just want someone to not bullshit you when what you know you see and hear is what you see. Like that's all that you can really do. But how do you maintain? So you're 19. So are your friends optimistic or pessimistic or do they not talk about it? Or are they just on discord being racist? What is going on? I think a lot of people are pessimistic. I mean, how do I maintain optimism? Yes. I try to laugh.
So here's the only thing I would say. I'm glad you do that. But really, we write it for eight-year-olds. So 19 is a little above our pay grade. But is it, I do remember 19, like that age, there is a certain existential anxiety that creeps in because the world does, listen, it feels out of control. You probably know more about it now than we did. I think one of the things that's probably harder for kids now is,
you are the amount of information that you absorb is probably, but I would imagine hopefully your brains will evolve to, you know, because when I was a kid, like TV happened and everybody's like, that will, don't sit in front of the TV and eat and just watch TV and now you'd be so happy if your children would do that, right? You'd just be like, don't send pictures of your dick to people, like,
John Stewart here. Unbelievably exciting here. My new podcast, The Weekly Show. We're going to be talking about the election, economics, ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. Listen to The Weekly Show with John Stewart, wherever you get your podcasts.
