TDS Time Machine | In the Field Pt. 3

Hey, it's me, Michael Costa. The Daily Show's on break for the holidays, but in the meantime, we put together some special highlights just for you. We'll be back in the new year on January 7th with all new episodes.

Eagle Pass, Texas has become the epicenter of the National Immigration Debate as over the last year an unprecedented number of migrants crossed here to apply for asylum. And for many observers, this complex issue can only be summed up in one word. Invasion. We are being invaded. We are being invaded. We're being invaded. We're being invaded just like it's a military invasion. But how are the locals coping with this relentless onslaught? They've come and taken over the town.

It's our land and there's just people coming in. They're causing, you know, havoc and craziness. There's chaos. Shouldn't you be welcoming? Don't you have any empathy for the journey they've taken together? They're not welcome. Get the hell out of our place. You can't move around. We'll see them. You can't get a meal in a restaurant. Can't get a hotel room unless you wouldn't pay $400. Who are you talking about right now? The state guard from Florida, Tennessee, Arkansas, Idaho. Oh.

What you need to be afraid of is some of these convoys of people. You're talking about Central American Caravans. Oh no, we're talking about the people that are invading the country here, not the Mexicans. The invasion here is from Governor Abbott and the Trumpers and the MAGA people.

Yes, Eagle Pass has been overrun since Governor Greg Abbott declared a crisis at the border and sent in the Texas National Guard, attracting a flood of Republican governors, congressional delegations and even billionaire weirdos. This is our taxpayer dollars. Right. Being put to use by coming out to Eagle Pass and what's happened is it's jacked up the hotel prices

Our room is $370, and they don't even have any hand lotions, Judy. I understood. I understood. What is your message to the people that want to come down here and don't come?

OK, but be more clear. Please don't come. It's not just cool guys and scarves that are being victimized in this conflict, but also local small business owners who resemble Sam Elliott. Right now, the only people that are going into the water are individuals from the press that want to see how ugly it is out there.

The governor of Texas is here disrupting your job and you want to deport him. Get him out because, I mean, I'm expected to follow federal law, local law, state law. I would expect the same thing from our leader of our state. Sam Elliott and his mustache's concerns were justified because when America sends its people to Eagle Pass, they're not always sending their best. Some, I assume, drove countless hours to sit outside of fence. But why? This is my land. I'm from Texas.

I'm here to support those people who are fighting for me. My life. My land. Do we have guts enough to defend ourselves, do we? Now, are you shaking your head? You don't really get skeptical. You're wearing suit and you've been successful in the New York media. You know why? You sold your soul to the devil. If I sold my soul to the devil to be successful in news media,

I would be more successful. I wouldn't be sitting here in Eagle Pass, Texas. You think I want to stay at a Marriott town plaza with no body lotion? That sounds like something the devil would say. Yes, Dan's fashion critique hurt, and his outlook was very confrontational, so I decided to talk to the chairwoman of the County Republican Party for a more measured view.

So we've had this invasion, and it's really turned this town upside down. You mean from Governor Abbott, from the 13 out of state Republican governors, news media, such as myself? No, I'm talking about the illegal wetbacks. And I'm sorry, what did you call them? Wetbacks. Wetbacks. Man, I haven't heard that word in a long time. OK, now that she's gotten that out of her system, I was ready for a more nuanced conversation.

We just want them to come legally through the front door. Calling them wetbacks to me is not a, we welcome you here. I want them to come legally, that's what I want. So they aren't wetbacks, so they don't have to swim the river. They wouldn't be wetbacks if they didn't.

Obviously there's some disagreement about whether we should let people from other countries seek refuge here and whether we should refer to them with vintage racist slurs. But as militarizing the border actually worked to keep anyone out, I asked Moggaly Urbina, whose pecan farm borders the Rio Grande.

I asked them two several times, please don't put the wire up. We don't want it. It's liability. Yeah, and they just came in and they put it up anyhow. Do you think the fencing and the buoys and the razor wire do you feel like that's working? No, no, not at all. The governor's just pushing them out to New Mexico, Arizona to California. But guess what?

They're still coming in. So if they haven't solved the migrant crisis, could there be another purpose for the thousands of state guards, miles of barbed wire, and throngs of sunburned politicians in Eagle Pass? I would have to say it has to do with the fact that it's an election year. A narrative is being told that creates chaos, scares people. It's what's going to win them the election.

Do you think this issue at the border has a lot to do with Donald Trump's reelection? Yes. You do. Trump is concerned about the welfare of the people, me, this country. He's not worried about trying to look good so that he can get elected. A guy with a golden toilet and a spray tan. Isn't worried about looking good?

It's a political stunt, the Republican pandemic, of course, who don't get it there. I might have been Spanish, but I forgot pandemic for it. Do you mean politician? Well, it's kind of a heavier word than idiots. Not as heavy. Not as heavy as, but heavier than idiots, stupid. Somewhere between motherfucker and idiot. Uh-huh, I would say so.

As I'd come to understand, the border is a complex issue that affects people's real lives. It's so much more than a photo op. But before I left town, there was one more thing for me to do.

Every election leaves a third of the country feeling like complete shit. But there's a large group of people who have immunized themselves against political disappointment. Their strategy is surprisingly effective. I am choosing not to vote during this election. Oh, I'm not voting for anyone.

I just don't want to play the politics game. I literally took the word political and I blocked it on all social media, so I don't have it. I don't have no food. Yes, I don't have no food. And these non-voters practice political abstinence for a range of reasons. Is there a reason you're not voting?

Not really in some politicians like that. I just became really disgusted with the whole political process. We waste way too much time and money and energy trying to get somebody in the White House when what we should be doing is focusing on a community. Did you think about voting for your local election?

I don't think either of them are good leaders. One of them is definitely going to bring up more violence. So one candidate leading to more violence didn't get you to vote? Yeah, I don't know why. I just don't. No, it didn't.

Most people resented choosing between two candidates they didn't like, but this non-voter had the opposite problem. I think either way, we have two great candidates. It's like one is an accomplished attorney and then one is an accomplished business person, but I feel like we need both skills. So if we had an attorney business person, then you would maybe vote for them. Yes. That makes sense. Have you voted in past elections? I have voted in past elections. Okay, Gotcha, and you're choosing not to vote in this election just because why?

I have literally detox myself from a lot of toxicity, which includes live television news and that kind of thing recently. When you think about the word toxicity, it's about digestion. And digestion comes from what we eat and consume, which also is what we see, what we hear. So I'm honestly genuinely inspired, and I, too, want to learn how to get toxicity out. I mean, don't get this on camera. I'm having diarrhea for, like... So not voting could actually cure my diarrhea.

People have a lot of names for JD Vance, weirdo, oddball, certified freak seven days a week. But does he deserve this reputation? Just everything, yeah, it'll be a lot of glaze to you, it's some pretty cool stuff. So they set a role, just put it on the right side. Whatever makes sense? Nothing about the way he did that makes any f***ing sense. And recently Vance's wife outed him on national TV for something even weirder. He has all sorts of dorky interests.

I want him to explain what the dorky habits he had. She said he's going to kill me for saying this, but it's Magic the Gathering, which was a card game. It's similar to like Pokemon. That's right. Before JD Vance was a powerful political shapeshifter, he played Magic the Gathering, a collectible card game that's been around since the 90s.

So we magically gathered a bunch of card-carrying dogs to see how they thought Vans's allegiance would affect their community. So, what is magic the gathering? And how would you explain it to someone who doesn't give a f*** about any other student? It's a turn-based card game. You get resources called mana, and you get those by playing lands or other sources, and then you generally, like, will play creatures, and then that's what used to attack your opponent, and you try to accumulate advantage over time.

Right, and at what point do you grow up and stop playing this shit? But how do these super nerds feel about one of their own trying to move out of his mom's basement and into the White House? Are you worried that JD Vance playing magic will make you guys seem weird?

No, no. He's a magic player, so either step up in my book, you need a certain level of intelligence to play magic. Yeah, because you're making a whole bunch of tactical decisions based on what's going on. Why, like, being able to decide, like, I don't ever want to have a woman touch me. I would rather play with some dudes in a smelly room. It doesn't always smell the best in here.

Fans also admit that his favourite strategy was something sinister. I think, I still don't understand his f***ing game. JD Van said that when he played Magic the Gathering, his favourite deck was Yogg Muff's Bargain. What the f*** does this mean? It's a combo deck where you get to trade your life away for power.

He's doing what he needs to win, and if he's being a dirty YAGMA player. So is YAGMA's bargain disqualifying the way, like, a felon shouldn't be president? I probably wouldn't trust someone if they're willing to sacrifice so much just to get ahead. Like, how J.D. Vance spent years talking shit about Trump and then totally flipped and is now running with him.

Yeah. People who played it won pretty much too much for it to be fun anymore. You could draw 20 cards if you want, which gives you a ton of advantage. You can't be touched for a whole turn. I wouldn't worry about that. Pretty sure that effect is in play. Independent of cards. Who here is voting for Trump Vance? Who here is voting for Harris Waltz?

Oh. And undecided voters. What are you going to do? Get in the voting booth and roll a 20-sided die? Oh, thanks. Baby. What's harder to explain to your family? Being an undecided voter or being an adult man who plays magic together.

being a decided voter, actually. My parents are Haitian, like, born and raised, so they're like, what do you mean? We don't eat cats. But, like, did you tell parents that Jamie Vance also played Magic the Gathering? No. But I don't think that's gonna dissuade them. Well, half these wizards and warlocks really undecided? I needed to explain politics in a way they could understand. Using a custom election, 2024 Magic Deck, I gained these Dorito Munchers some truth to snack on.

I summon J.D. Vance, the boy wonder. When J.D. Vance, boy wonder enters the battlefield, all Haitian creatures are returned to their owners lands. That's pretty strong.

Yeah, you think a little more decided now? I think so. One down, three to go. However, these players were teaching me a valuable lesson. That were all losers. But especially them. You want a creature like that? It gets exiled. You can choose, if it's your commander, to put it back in the command zone or leave it there. How do I lose quickly? Choose wrong. Yeah, I choose wrong. Take a number, one, two, three or four. OK. All right, ready? One, two, three.

I picked three. I picked two. All right, so RFK Jr. and Elon Musk died. Great. I will pass the term. Play. Swamp. I'll go find an island, you can go. You don't even have it a little bit of fun? I am having absolutely no fun. Time to do us all favor in January 6th of shit. Game over nerds.