TBT: Sloan Bella - Mystical Mother

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Most little girls grow up wanting to be doctors and lawyers and shit. And I was like, I want to be super hot, make a lot of fucking money, and be a rock star's wife. That was my goal as a child. And here we are. What's up, you sexy motherfuckers? Welcome to another episode of DumbBlonde. Today, we have our mystical mother here, Sloan Bella. I know you've been called a lot of things, but you are our mystical mother. I love that. I love that. I love that. I'm so excited to be here. It's so exciting.

Dude, so I walked in. Sloane has this package that she literally wrapped to the gods for me. And we got it open and it was the most beautiful obsidian ball. It looks like my own personal eight ball. Like it is the most amazing gift I've ever gotten along with tons of other crystals and stuff like that. Like it was for the new studio. I know to raise the vibes and have it go really well. I appreciate it so much. It was such a pleasure bringing it because it came off my set to your set.

Oh, I love that. Yeah, it came from my home to your home. Literally, it was one that I use that was out every day. So I wanted to bring it to you. Yay. When I find the perfect place for it in the studio, I will video it. I'll make a video and I'll tag you in it so that it can see where it's at. Awesome, awesome. Sloan, I'm really stoked to have you here. I've been nervous. I'm not going to lie, because there's some things I want to ask you about J&I and just life that I don't know if I want the answer to. But it's like, you are the most honest.

Trying to be. Person I've seen on the internet who just keeps it 100. I dabble in all things like I guess you could say a cult and I'm obsessed with death and like I love just everything mystical and when you came across my radar I was like who is this woman?

And then the more that I studied your story and got to know who you were as a human, I was like, this is my long-lost sister. We probably are to some degree. No. Yeah. It's crazy. It's so interesting. Yeah, because we both left home at 14. Just decided to up and go. I think you were in a warmer climate. I was not. I was here in Vegas. Oh, yeah. No, I was in Toronto. So it was more of a stupid decision, you know, to run away with just the clothes you're wearing because it was pretty

Cold. Freezing. Yeah, it was October. It was our Halloween Thanksgiving in Canada. So I remember what, do you remember the day you decided to run away? Absolutely. Like I can visualize it and everything, exactly what I know. Yeah, I did. I took a purse. I took my Marilyn Monroe book and out the door I went. I took a trash bag of clothes. Did you order a trash bag? Yeah. And to this day, I pack up everything in trash bags.

Doesn't matter how much money I have, I will literally throw all of my clothes from my closet in trash bags. And just so I can, that's how I move clothes. Yeah, that's probably the best way to do it till you hang up. You can hang up on me because they're going to get wrecked anyway. I've never understood people who fold their clothes and put them in boxes. Like if I can put them in a bag, dump it out.

and sort it out and throw it out and give it away. Yeah, absolutely. So I kind of feel like we do know each other in the sense. We went kind of in two different directions, both sex work, but a little bit different. Well, let's circle back. Let's start from the beginning, because I want my followers who don't know your story to really get to know you, where you came from, and how you came to be this just mystical mother.

I love that you call me that you are you're just like I like I look up to everything you do I think it's awesome because my greatest gift was being a mother so that was the thing I was here to do I love that that's what I feel yeah and looking back on my life there was one thing in it was that

Let's talk about your childhood and where this all started and all that. Okay, so it's kind of interesting because I was adopted. So you never really give much thought as to what happens because you don't remember. You're like a newborn. My mom had me and gave me up after she gave birth to me.

and I went into the, I was in foster care for 10 months. So people I don't know were watching me and it's interesting because it didn't occur to me that that would be trauma until my son just had our second granddaughter and I'm watching her and she's not even the age I was when I was adopted and I see all the love that went into her and then

I'm like, I have no memory, no pictures, no memory, none of that. I mean, you don't really remember, but I can see with my granddaughter how loved she is. So it occurred to me this week, looking at her, because she's nine and a half months, that she's so cute, looking at her that, did I recall, like, what happened in that time frame? They say trauma starts at the moment of conception.

Yeah, they do. There's a book I'll tell you. I'll give you the name of it. I believe it. Yeah, I believe it. And I know I know people say because my parents adopted me at 10 months and my adopted mother who was a nightmare for people who know she was very well educated businesswoman.

overpowering and crazy. Okay, looking back on it, I think she may have actually had a few screws missing. But it was difficult. She told me something and she said she kept coming to the orphanage or she called it that. So whatever the place that housed the baby housing place. And she was looking for

a child she was at 40 looking for a child and she said I was the only one she came back three times and I was the only one that called out to her so that's karma right there next life I'm not doing that right very clearly well not not doing it do you believe that you signed up for that though like you came here for that lesson or would you think it was I you know I know people like to say that

in the past few years I've changed my mind I believe I was kidnapped here actually like I'm being dead serious I think I was hijacked here or maybe people change after they make the agreement and then we're stuck in that until we're not but I did walk away from it I do know when you're adopted you don't hold attachment to a lot because they they

My family would say, you know, we chose you, this and that, which technically, yes. And I think that led me right into stripping, honestly, because it's like, pick me. You know, pick me. And so I never correlated it, but I actually believe that now. And I found it extremely difficult. They were very educated people and well-schooled and very proper.

And I'm sorry, I'm laughing at that because I'm so not proper. We all have to laugh at our trauma. Yeah, I didn't know I really laugh at that. I was absolutely not proper. My mom was British. And you know, you had to sit down and wait for dinner to be served and clean the table. It's good etiquette, but they were so like, you need to marry a man and be a secretary. And I'm like, yeah, no. I'm sorry, no.

Even at a young age, you knew that that's not what you wanted. No, no, absolutely not. When I was a little kid, I used to tell my mom, I'm going to go to California. I don't know why I had that in my head and my husband's there. And, you know, and he was. And he, well, yeah, anyway, he was also Canadian. So it was really interesting. That too is karma. So the childhood stuff was good. I had the usual, I went to private boarding school, the usual for the British. Okay, I'll say it that way in Canada.

boarding schools, I would get expelled, you know, I was naughty, expelled, expelled. Then I went to private school, expelled, you know, that kind of thing. And I would never stay in school, I wouldn't stay put, because I couldn't grasp what they were saying, I guess if that makes sense.

It was dumb to me and I was no good at math but I was good at English so I would stay for English and art and then gym and leave or what we call physical education and then leave and get in trouble constantly and when I was really little like first and second grade you'll love this one. I know you'll appreciate this. Did you ever get yelled at in school for talking too much?

I, I'm smiling because I got expelled from school. There you go. I had to sit at the table and have wait till dinner got served, had to clean up the table. They're all had nonsense. Literally, like I was. No, it's crazy. That's why I'm smiling because I'm just like, I got kicked out of every school I went to. I was called to name. I got expelled from school in kindergarten for ripping a boy shirt off of him because he was talking shit about my dad.

There you go. He deserved it. Literally. I didn't know for sure. But just listening to you talk, I'm just like, oh my gosh. It was the same. And what I found even more interesting, which is a psychic trait. So I was in school and I was no, my aptitude for math was ridiculous and it didn't have any, except for me either.

But yeah, I mean, I can count money. Yes. That's all that matters. Who cares if I can do an algebra now in our 40s? Nobody said no one ever. I used to argue that and get yelled out for that too. But I love you. I say, what am I going to do? Actually, in astrology, you do kind of need algebra, but now computers do it all. Yeah. So I don't. But I did.

I got humbled by that at one point when I was learning how to do a chart, but I was in a special class for, they now have like learning disabled classes, but I was dyslexic and ADD and a whole host of God knows what, hyper, hyper person, right? And so I went to a special morning class, I would use a derogatory term, but I won't. Kids in my class could not see, they could not hear, and I could do all of those things, but I was kind of raised through grade school,

in that class. So it really undermined my confidence. I didn't think I was that smart because I was over here and the other kids were there, but I was able to read Braille to little kids. That's what they had me in their force. I was like, okay, like littler kids that were behind. They didn't have the school system that we have that our kids would have now. So I felt not very smart, but I didn't care because I just wanted to be

pretty because I had a mother that would say, you know, you look insert insanity here. So it was very competitive with her kind of. And she was looking back on it. She might have been like a closet alcoholic, I'm thinking. And it was so detrimental. But she did teach me good things because she was a good business woman. She was a strong focused business woman and went through three separate careers late into her life.

That part was good. I knew that a woman could do that. She was super strong. So I liked that. I took that part of it. And my dad was the smartest man I knew. Super smart, educated, so smart, could converse on anything. Alcoholic and crazy. And so I kind of grew up in a house and I'm sure your other guests have said it, but I call it covert sexual abuse because

I didn't know the name for it, but they took the bathroom doors off. So I had to shower in front of it. So look at the life and then move into stripping, you see? So it's kind of a way. My parents took the doors off the hinges too, but not the bathroom, but to my bedroom. And they nailed my window shut and put bells on the door.

like you're a bear. Literally. I mean, here she comes. Here comes this rebellious ass chicken kid. Yeah. Yeah. But just even having your privacy compromised at such a young age, you learn one not to trust people. Nobody. And two to literally skate on thin ice and watch like you become like

it's like if somebody moves a certain way you can read it like you can read oh yeah no I'm triggered by certain people like I'm always like not so much now because I don't care actually going through menopause I don't care like I'm like do what you gotta do I don't care when I was younger I was more nervous almost to the point of like not trying things you know hiding and

staying hidden. I also think it's a psychic thing because the school I was telling you about with the weirdo classes, sorry kids, the weird classes was it was because I was perceptually not picking up what other people did, but I'm psychic. So they tried to correct that out of me, I think.

Did they, okay, so we're whining about when you had an encounter with your dad, where you asked him, where do we go when we die? Yeah, I asked him, yeah, I said, what happens when we die? I distinctly remember, four turning five, and he said, you just, you rot in the ground. I hate when people say that. I think he was drunk at the time because, yeah, who says that to a four-year-old? I was so traumatized, I ran up to my bedroom, hid under the covers, and I was like, huh.

What happened? So then me personally, I'm thinking, well, then I should just die now because who cares? That's where I go. I'm like, if I'm going to get there anyway, then so it made me a little bit like suicidal a little bit. Oh, my gosh, at four or five. Yeah. Like, I thought, why would I be here? Like, what is the point if that's it? And we just Rod, I don't even want to play this game. Like, I remember thinking that. So I think so deeply like that too at such a young age is

Yeah, it was obsessed. Well, I'm OCD too, so it was a obsessive thought, rumination. But the next thing that happened is my dad's mom came to me, but I didn't know who she was. Just a lady that appeared in my head.

was this the first time you had ever had a vision or had you been having them before you asked him what happens when we die I had been seeing aliens I call them aliens but I call them earwig men actually growing up because they look like big tall nomadic Bedouin with the the tarps on them but they had like you know what an earwig bug is kind of yeah it has the pinchers okay yes they and the legs yeah the legs and the pinchers and they stand so these

beings look like that in the face, but covered in like robes. And there would be around my bed every night. So I was already waking them up with those stories. And he just thought you're just being a kid. I went to know he thought they thought I was crazy because I was adopted. They can then use adoption against you because you're not theirs. You see.

So it's like, you're crazy. So then the visits to the shrink happened. And I'm like, I can't help it. I'm, you know, I never denied it. I never tried to change it. I just said, no, they're earwig men. At first they looked for bugs and they weren't bugs. I said, no, these are men. And I always say, I thought they hid under the bed. They didn't.

in the closet. I didn't know where they came from. They were around there. So when my, I technically grandmother adopted, but I didn't know her, she died years before I was even born. When she appeared, I woke my dad up, like I snuck down the hall, tap, tap, tap. He slept closest to the door so that's why I could get to him. And I told him there was a God. That was what I said to him. He got so mad. I want a little psychic, baby.

Yeah, I would love the shit out of a little psychic baby. I'd be like just oh my god He got so mad like he was like get to your room wake me up again And then the spanking started all of those things, you know because they wanted me to shut up basically He was raised very religiously I guess and then as happens had an issue with it

My biggest problem with religion is how can you be religious, but not spiritual? You can't. I don't think it's one man made to me. Right. It's insane to me that people preach all this love and this and that, but they don't practice it. No, that's man made here and it's money. It's earthbound. So if you

You don't have to go to church. You do not have to go to church. I never went to church. No one like my dad was off the church by the time I came along. So there was no church. I went with the neighbor kid a couple of times, but that was at her family's request when I stayed over there. But you don't need church. You either know there's a God or you don't. Yeah, I grew up in church and you won't catch me in one now. Yeah, I don't think that the people there are just hypocritical for the wrong reasons.

Yeah, and it's man-made, and it's skewed for them to control the masses. So it's a little bit of a hypnotic for the masses. And God is in you, like your Creator is with you, period. You don't just end up here and need man to tell you what to do, in my opinion.

Exactly. And I just feel like Jesus was a Capricorn. He was a hell of a lot cooler than people try to make him sound. He was not black and white. No, no, no, we got mad at people. That's what I always say to me. When people say to me, how can you swear if you're spiritual? How can you do this? How can you do that? And I'm like, Jesus did. Like, what are you saying? He wasn't human. He was in human form. He was the son of God walking in a human shell. Like we are. So I get to cut you out because you asked me a stupid question. Has Jesus ever appeared to you?

not me, no. But I do feel the spirit in me and I can feel it around me. But no, I have not had that happen. I would love that to happen. Yeah, that's really amazing. Wouldn't it? Yeah, I have not had that happen. I have had I have had visions though of

When I'm talking to people who who have illness terminal illness like they could be my friends and actually they were my friends and I know they're getting ready to pass and this one friend in particular was very Catholic girl I saw like the Virgin Mary come around her and

Weeks before she died, that's how I knew she was going to die. Like I saw what she prayed to coming around her. So I was like, okay, she will pass soon. I didn't tell her at that time, but I just knew it. And she passed on Palm Sunday, which was really interesting. Yeah, we're gonna dive into some death talk later on because I have been listening to how you have like predicted a few people's deaths. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm just gonna have a sit down with someone and we're gonna talk about death.

I don't pick that up around you, by the way. Thank God. All right. Thank you. So circling back to the four-year-old girl, you're being told that what you're saying is wrong. You're being sent to shrinks. You're being spanked because of these visions you're having. Take me on this journey. And how are you feeling? Are you still just like, no, I'm right? Or are you just giving into thinking maybe there is something wrong with you?

I always felt like I didn't belong with them, but I don't know that I felt right or wrong about it. I just knew. So I didn't even attach like a judgment to it. I was like, I just feel, I kind of just feel like

they can say what they want and I can say what I didn't argue except with my dad. Like you know this one on from four to ten so it went on like six years and at the end of it if I even opened my mouth he would come flying at me across it you know he would just like be like that's it and he couldn't tolerate it. I wonder if you were triggering something a fear in him. Yes yeah maybe you were sent there for him.

I think so, because after he passed, which my son hates when I tell this story, because he's like, I don't remember. And I'm like, because he was a very psychic child, my Jason. But when my dad died, okay, in 2006, at the age 80 something, whatever, older,

And he passed. He came to my son. I did not get the phone call because they're in Toronto and we're here. So they were waiting for us to be awake after Christmas. And my son told me before I got the call, he came downstairs and he said, you know that grandpa, they only met him once and he goes, you know that grandpa with the dogs. It was poodles. And I said, yeah, and he goes, he's in my room.

And he said, there is a God. So he came through my son, which was tremendous for me and a nice acknowledgement. Confirmation. Confirmation. Yeah, because when they cross out of the physical, we do go to different levels. So according to your belief system, like if you really want to go somewhere that isn't with God, you can go there. I mean, you're never stuck anywhere. You can kind of transition through different levels.

as you choose, it's your belief system and he, obviously he crossed over to a dimension. I don't believe we go to heavens. A lot of the religions say you're here and then in heaven, that's not my understanding of it at all. So we go through different levels, kind of like school, but I don't want to say school, but different dimensions.

Do you feel do you get to pick them or is it just how you've lived your life that lifetime and how you gave back and what you did that I think the level that you get to go to next? I'm not sure you know I can't really answer that because when my son passed I noticed the work that he was doing was work he is working on the other side and I had never seen that but he shows up

in a position of helping from the other side. So he went right into kind of helping people, which was an interesting concept because some people I see that are in school, other people are just having fun. Some people are watching their families, like when my dad passed, he was around me for 15 years.

I could pick him up like that. He was there. He was watching. He was actually watching. Like what I was doing, I felt, I felt. And then suddenly the energy was gone. So they will transition. And again, time is much different. Time is meant to keep us stuck here.

I feel, I don't know that we all choose to come here. I have to say that. I really don't believe that. No. I would love to hear your theory on that because I always feel like I have always, but I don't know enough and I'm always open to learning. Yeah. I have always felt like I, maybe it's my way of coping with my trauma, but I always feel like I picked my parents and I needed to learn these lessons in this life. And that's what has made me the woman that I am today. Absolutely. I agree with that part of it. Yeah.

When I look at that though, they tell us that and I don't know that I hear that. Sometimes I do hear souls are sent here to heal and to teach. I don't think that I'm one of those because I just refuse to say I came here. She's like, I am not of this world. I am not. I did not. But I do know they do. There are

Healers and teachers that come down as people to maneuver around people right but I feel I know that kids can leave before the age of four if they don't want to continue on this incarnation so we have from birth to four and If you really don't want to be here, I know the soul can leave easily obviously they're kids right they could do anything and

I feel like children are so much more in tune with the other side. Oh, they are. They live more on the other side. They see they have a whole thing and then we're taught it's not real because if you knew it was real, you'd be like, why am I here? Right. You'd be like, why am I here? Yeah. And as you get older, more of your people are over there than here. You know, I mean, like when you get into your 70s, most of your friends or parents and siblings have crossed.

So I actually believe some of us are, I believe the reincarnation cycle was hijacked to tell you the truth. So I believe some of us were forced into coming back here because when we crossed out, we went where we thought, but I think they kind of

steered us down the wrong path. Like a kind of spiritual warfare? Yes, absolutely. I am not convinced we're all supposed to be here. And a lot of new age, I know you hear it all the time. It drives me crazy. They say you can co-create. I'm like, tell the people in Ethiopia that they can create whatever life they want because they cannot, because the whole country is gridded and the energy is blocked and stolen. So they cannot. Neither can Haiti, neither can wherever.

you know yeah they can't so stop saying that is it what only first world countries that we can do it yeah so see that's profiteering off of spiritual so they haven't had enough

I don't know, people just think it's nice to believe in. I think it depends on the person. And I think sometimes we jump into something. I'll tell you, I had a experience once with somebody who passed away unexpectedly and of an overdose. And their sibling, when I saw the sibling pregnant, I knew it was that person coming back.

Because I dreamt it, right? And I thought, oh, my goodness. And all the way along in the pregnancy, I was like, they were deciding whether they were going to come back in because they wanted to complete the connection, but had OD'd. So they left early and then tried to come back in, but chose not to be born. So that was a stillbirth.

And I saw the whole thing. I saw the soul making that decision. Like, you know, in the way of this person as a person. Like, I saw it and I knew it was going to happen. I did not tell the person, but when it happened, I was like, yeah, I thought that was going to happen. So it's interesting that soul made a decision first to come in and be pregnant, maybe to clear the karma with the sibling, you see, and just live in the tummy and then leave. So I'm not quite sure how it works, really.

That's wild. That's really crazy. I definitely want to look into that more. You guys, there is no better time than to manifest a new business than the new year. Start this year off being your own boss, being an entrepreneur, doing whatever your little heart desires. You know that business idea that you've been thinking about putting together? Guess what? Do it.

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So circling back to your childhood. She keeps trying to go there. No, I know. I'm like, that's cute. So then back to your childhood, you're growing up in this house. Take me on this journey. Like, are you still seeing visions? Do you, as a child, do you start talking to them? Do you? The way that it works for me is I'm very clear audience. So I hear things and then I just blurt the marrow. Okay. So that was annoying again. Hello, be that annoying child.

So it's kind of like you learn how to wrangle it. Yeah, you and you have to learn to know what it is because you can say something and think it's gonna be It's a combination of feeling your body and wording and the wording can come from outside of you But it comes from inside of you like just say this so when I say it I get a feel for whether it's my crazy mind or if it's psychic I also

dream things, but not as much anymore. And I used to be what's called, I think they call it a trans channel, meaning I would, in order to connect with people that have passed on, I would step out of my body. So my physical would go to sleep and they would, they say it means they come into your body, but I was not coherent. Like many a friend when I was a teenager say, you know, you just dropped off for 10 minutes there. And like I was in on drugs, contrary to what my family thinks.

But I would step out and I was able to connect through that and it has to do with the frequency of the body because it's very hard for them to connect with us and we have to heighten our energy to get out. So to actually do readings awake and like this to talk to people, it's kind of athletic with energy. You have to raise your vibration up. So you kind of have to know how to do that or you get drained because your energy goes and then drops. So when I was a teenager, I would just, I call it stepping out. I would actually

this would shut down like this and I'd step out and I would see them and that first happened when my best friend passed on a motorcycle so I was like 16 turning 17 and he was 18 and I did not know he passed until I fell asleep for 10 minutes and saw him and so my boyfriend at the time said you just were like acting like you were hugging somebody and taught but you weren't awake

So, and then I woke up and said, oh my God, and then had to track him down and find out what happened. He came very, very clearly to me. Oh my goodness. Yeah, so I physically was somewhere else. Or it's the astral level actually. It's out of your body and it's right here. Is it ever a scary feeling to be out of your body or does it always feel peaceful?

Oh, it doesn't feel peaceful. No. Okay. No, no, no. I mean, I don't know about then because I can't remember. Right. I had a lot of anxiety, but when I'm out of my body, I kind of, I call it like an airplane grounding back in and sometimes it's very bumpy. You jolt in and other times it's smoother, but I call it grounding in like an airplane. Do you ever get scared that like your soul will get snatched while you're out of your body? How do you protect yourself? I don't know.

Um, yeah, no, I mean, I'm like fascinating. Yeah, they teach me. They tell you how to protect yourself. I actually pray to God. So I ask in the name of Jesus to protect me. Yeah, I wear crystals like I have all my jewelry is kind of crystal to align it so that they can't get into my head. Yeah, you know, uh,

I kind of feel like I pray I go in nature that's the quickest way I find so I find grass and trees and usually a dirt trail and I start walking up it I try to eat right I don't get high or drunk because that will because you won't even care yeah so I don't do those but I don't know that you can protect yourself

if it's gonna happen to you. Right. I don't know that you can. I'm not sure. I have always ever since I was a little girl and I've said this on multiple podcasts. Seeing spirits and dreams. I've had people who have crossed over that have come to me that I didn't even know that. So why do you fight it?

It's not that I fight it because I've actually made peace with it now, so it doesn't bother me as much. But I don't know if I never want to steer anybody the wrong way, and I don't know if I am the right vessel for anything other than myself. Okay, so that's perfect. Now that's perfect, exactly.

Okay, so first of all, when you read energy, you are just giving information like your phone, your phone. The phone doesn't judge me or you. If I'm calling you and I scream at you, the phone is not like, oh, I shouldn't have dialed their number. The phone does not know. So we are a wire. That's it. So if you have something to say to somebody, say it to them. Yeah. And just say, I'm giving you this, do what you want with it. Yeah.

I don't care about being right or if, I mean, people can call me crazy. I had one woman insist I was wrong. I'm like, fine. I do not care. You, that's fine. But I give the information if I get it. And I don't judge it anymore. When I was younger, I might have talked around it because I'm like, who says some of this stuff? Yeah. But yeah, no, you, if you get it, give it because they're coming to you because you can hear them.

Yeah. So it's like driving to Vegas. You know how dark that road is at night. And if you see a light in your car breaks down, you're going to go that house. Now, what if they don't help you? Right. So they are they want you to go there. That's why they're coming to you. They want you to do it. And it's part it is part of what I think you're here to do if you can do it. So whether you like it or not, like none of us grow up and I did not I've tried to get out of this. I don't it's not no.

Yeah, you're like do you feel like it's it's almost like a I don't want to say a prison sentence because that sounds terrible, but it's almost like Exhausting. Yeah, it it bugs the living shit out of me and people yell at me. You know how they get at you online. Yeah a bunch of bitches Anyway, no offense trolls troll ass bitches, but welcome

Yeah, that's what they are. But they say, oh, how come you get mad when people ask you for a reading? I'm like, I had people in my house from the age of 20 up until COVID. Yeah. Like my entire life has been just reading. Yeah. And they came to me physically, like they come to your studio. They came and sat down. My kids grew up. I mean, decades, four decades, like stop. Yeah. You know, and I mean,

I'm trying to talk on a live show about something. Let's say and they're like do you do a reading? I'm like it

No, go away. Yeah, you're like, that's the last thing I want to do. Just let me do my thing. It's like if you're a hairdresser and you go to eat lunch and then somebody's like, could you just cut my butt? Shut up. Yeah, you're like leave alone. Yeah, I totally get that. So it's like that. And other times, I don't want to see things. So there's certain things I don't want to see. And that, again, comes, and it comes with the death of my son. And when my step-sum passed, I saw both of those things. And people mistake it. They say you're not supposed to

speak about something like that. But I actually saw it. And here's what I learned from telling both stepson and son that they were going to pass. I didn't know which one of my sons. So I told both of my sons to hope that one of them listened. But here's what I learned.

A soul is going to do what they're going to do anyway. And you can tell them, is that going to stop them? Now that comes into we have no control over our lives. So there's exit points in life. And I do know that we have three or four, like my son, Keith, he had several different exit points.

What was so interesting and this comes to your reading point about 15 years before he passed I went to an astrologer friend of mine to ask business stuff for my husband actually and he was looking at my chart and my husband so he kind of will look at them together and he says He says a bunch of stuff and he's like you're gonna have a child that dies and I said right out of his mouth like almost the way I do it and

And I said, Oh, no, you mean my stepson. So he said, no, one of yours. And I never forgot it. I told John, my husband at the time, I told him this. And the minute our son passed, this astrologer's name came right out of our mouths. Like we were like, damn. But I started to get the information about two months before. So it happens for me like that. And I blur it out like he blurted it out. He was that kind of a psychic. Like it happened to me. So never.

ask somebody something you don't want an answer for because you may get an answer you don't I was not expecting that I asked about business and his psychic side took right over even though he was an astrologer you see he immediately blah wow and it was horrifying and then when my kids turned 18 I was like they're 18 I'm good you know when they're 18 you think you're good yeah not so much it it can happen and I also remember my husband saying God wouldn't do that to me again because it was his stepson

who passed, who was nine months younger than me. So my husband had two grown kids when I met him. So my stepson and stepdaughter are right in the middle of them. And I was good friends with my stepson. And I told my husband, now I said, it's not God who does that. We're not living on God's planet down here. That is not who is here. And souls have their own journey and paths. So they will leave when they want, regardless of what we're told in society. It has nothing to do with that.

So even if there is a murder, you know, something along those lines, I don't know why That is happening because if I can't remember killing you when you kill me I'm just gonna come back and kill you again. Hello. I'm coming after you again. See you now. I will never stop it. So

As a soul, I'm coming back after you. As long as I got a vendetta. I'm coming back. I'm living as a Scorpio now. I'm coming after you. So I don't know that we even understand karma except to say that it is balance. It is not vengeance. So people often say, you know, this one hit me. It's karma. I'm going to do this to them. No, it's balance. So maybe I need to learn balance. Maybe last life.

I didn't want children. And so this life my son came to me who I wanted desperately and then he left. So maybe now I know that I'm balanced in that feeling.

Do you believe in past life regressions? Oh, 100%. Oh, 100%. Yeah. I've seen past lives. Yeah. Oh, I've seen them. Yeah. I always think I was like some regal queen, but then I also think I was like some fucking bad bitch warrior. Yeah, you probably have a spider, dude. Yeah. Throughout generations. You know? Yeah. Well, you have class. And now, yeah, it took a lot of long time to find it.

Well, but you would be different. Your soul would be the same. So you would be in positions of power throughout your life to elevate other people, which is what you're doing here. You use a play on words calling it dumb blonde because this stupid society thinks you're dumb. Hello, not dumb. You know, like anything but. And so you're using the play to educate people. It's in your face smack deal.

Oh, yeah. I'm very tongue-in-cheek with everything I do. I'm going to say it before you can. Yeah. Oh, my God. I will out myself on everything, so you can't get me. You can't blackmail me. Oh, nothing over me. You said something in a podcast that I watched last night on the plane. You said, be real. Say what you want and get it out before anybody can ever have anything on you. And I was just like, that's how I've lived my life. Absolutely. I love that you preach that to everybody. I do. It was hard.

now my husband is going to hate me for saying this technically ex-husband but we all know John so we're gonna shout him out shout out John yeah there you go my man anyway I met him in a strip club okay so yeah we're going back to your childhood I met him I met him there and he did not want me saying that out loud now I'm like

stripper stripper and so yeah it was funny because people carry their own shame about stuff and I'm like whatever people's preconceived notions are it's they're gonna have you know that from the internet they call absolutely she's an alien with with you know a horn on the back of her head what

They make up the wild. I fight them all the time. I'm like, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you. Oh, I shut it down all the time. I'll tell you something. I have a good message. My son Keith had passed. When we started my channel, I got so mad at this woman. She was trolling me. I'm going to cross search her name. I'm going to fight.

You are me. I'm gonna find your grandma. I'm gonna find your aunts, uncles, your whole bloodline. I'm finding him. I'm gonna find your car. I'm gonna fly and your tires are gonna fuck you up. So my son, Keith, he's sitting there and he was a Scorpio moon, Sagittarius Scorpio moon and he's sitting there and he's like, Oh wow, that's emotional. Sagittarius sign, Scorpio moon. Yeah, and a Leo rising. So he also had swagger. And he was very cute. And he said to me, Mom, do you think Kobe worries about trolls? I'll never forget it. And I'm like,

I don't know. I want this woman's number because I can't see straight because I'm so immature. And he's like, no, Kobe laughs all the way to the bank. Now, stop looking for this woman and go film some more. So I always remember what he said, what would Kobe do? So that's what I say. But he had to teach me that and he it was in 2018. So I was like, okay, I'll listen to you. We love

Yeah, he was so cute and my husband's a Sagittarius. Yes. I love Sagittarius. I love I love sages. Yeah, they're fun. They're fun and they can be oh my god They can foot in mouth and say shit and you're like did you just say that? Oh, yeah, sometimes I have to tell my husband. I'm like what the fuck?

Stop it. Yeah, like what are you doing? But he's so sweet and just they are very diplomatic. Yeah, they're they want to have fun. Right. So they don't want to hurt you and make you upset. Yeah. So that you don't have fun because they want to continue to have fun. Yeah. And they also like childlike almost. Yeah, no, Sagittarius is it's not of the earth. Sagittarius is half man, half horse. So they

live on the earth as a different species. They don't feel like us, number one, okay, people without Saj. And so they live down here and they shoot for what's unknown. So they're always contemplating it. That is what they do. Their whole thing is about the contemplation of why are we here. So even if they're the goofiest,

stupidest, childish, you know, weed-smoking, speaking about my kithi at the time, but whatever they're doing sounds like my husband. They're still deeply soulful and thoughtful about where we are and why we are here.

Yeah. Oh, he's so he my husband is so deep. Sometimes I'm like, calm down. I have to like bring him out of it, you know, calm down like a room. Yeah, it's not the time right now. So let's circle back. So you left home at 14. And I heard you say that when you left home at 14, it was it was life changing for you. Yeah, you had been through a lot when you left home. Can you take me on that journey when you finally decided to leave home? Yeah, it was the greatest thing. I know it pissed my family off. So I'm sorry.

Sorry, not sorry. Sorry, not sorry. But yeah, I packed my little bag and I wore like pants under my pants, so baggy pants over my skinny pants and sweatshirts because it was freezing. It was October in Toronto, actually up north. And I went to school and my friend's sister drove me to the mall to the bus station. And then I just got on a bus and went to Toronto where I had been. We had moved up north. And of course nobody would take me in.

You know how that is? Yeah, they're like, no. It's wayward child. Absolutely not. So I ended up in the flop houses, and you're going to love this. Maybe not. But they call them flop houses. Somebody corrected me and said they call them something else now. But where all the drug people go, and I'm not going to lie, I liked LSD. Go ahead. I love that drug.

But I ended up in houses with like, I'll say the needle people, the people that use needles. And I was so OCD that I couldn't stand it when they would, I did not do that. But when they would shoot up, they'd just leave the needles in the cigarette ashtrays on the floor.

So I like the good OCD girl would pick everything up and wash them. And I that we didn't know about AIDS exactly yet at that time. But it was that year that it was it was like an 81 it broke. And I was already doing that. But I couldn't stand it. We're going to put it back in their arm from the ashtray. That drove me nuts. Like even I was like no. And

I looked in the paper for a job, so I was always looking in the paper, and there was this club, and it was called the Fillmore's West, not East. And the owner, he was looking for cocktail waitresses. This is before Tracy Lourdes, okay? So nobody was checking ID, no one cared, okay? Nobody cared.

And so I went and met with him and I had no money to buy a little. He wanted us in a bathing suit with little heels. I had no money. So he gave me a hundred bucks back then and I could have just bailed. But I didn't. And I went and bought it at Capizios. You remember that store? It's a dance store. So I went and bought this little shiny, gold shiny little bathing suit and these little shoes. And I went and I started waitressing.

And then I met one of the strippers, and she was like, I need a girl. We're going to Fort Erie for the weekend. She goes, you want to do it? I'm like, not really. I don't think so. I had been like, how much? Yeah. Yeah. Well, then she says, she goes, well, I have some clothes for you. And I'm like, not really. She goes, well, it's.

Whatever she said and I'm like okay, I'll go the most terrifying thing because it was horseshoe tables Back in the day with a whole bunch of people and you're completely naked like you've gone on saying your complete and I was like I did not understand what they were looking at I was that immature like I knew I had a body and I know that people look but I was like I don't

How you were 14? 14. Oh my goodness. Yeah, 14. It was a little bit, yeah. It was a little bit horrifying. And then when I came on those men, though, well, I don't think they, well, I mean, I looked young, but maybe they thought I was, I don't know what they thought. They know. Assholes. Those men know. Yeah, they probably knew I was, and I was terrified. I was traumatized and terrified. My friend was like doing all kinds of things up there. And I was like, I'm not making those faces. Like, I'm not going to go. Were you still a virgin?

No. No. No. Thank God. No, I knew people, but I mean, you're 14. What are you getting out of it, really? Yeah. You know, it takes till you're probably 20 to understand what you should do or at least I felt. Sorry for such a personal question. I was trying to see where you were at. Oh, no, no. I lost my virginity young. I learned at age 10 that men would pay for that kind of thing. Like if you take your shorts down, always the stripping, they'll give you money. So how old were you when you lost your virginity? 12.

Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. That is so young. That's coming from a place of love. We have a 16-year-old. My heart would break. It was a kid my age. It was not an adult person. Young little boyfriends.

And I was like, I don't get it. Wow. I was like, no, really, I was like, it took me years. And then when I had my kids, I was like, I get it. So for me, it was about having my children. Yeah. That was important. The other stuff I could do without. Yeah. It's never been about the sex for me. Yeah.

you know, after the stripping life, I was like, I hate everybody. Yeah. Don't try to kiss me. So you said at a young age, you learned that men would pay for things that you have men paying. Oh, yeah. Neighbor men. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I wear little shorts out and stuff and they call you over. And, you know, five bucks if you show me what's in your shorts. So.

I did that. I've got to say I did it. But I was 10 and I knew better. Did I? Did I not? But you're a child. That's not your responsibility. No, it isn't. That is those men that are disgusting. And you'll love this. It was the Girl Scout Troops father. Who else would it be? I just got goosebumps. Yeah. I will fucking kill a motherfucker, dude. Like I'm laughing. Men just fucking piss me off. Yeah. No, they're really weird, but our whole society. They are. Yeah. Weird isn't putting it nicely. Well, I look at it and I'm like,

You're married, you have your own kids. Looking back at it now, you know. My abuse as a child came from both, my mother was abusive sexually as well. So when I talk about that, a lot of people are very uncomfortable with it. Even my husband would be like, well, maybe she just didn't know what she was doing. I'm like, come on. What would she do? She would check my crotch when I came in the door. So she would put her hands down my pants and check. Yeah, yeah. And I put her fingers in you? Yeah.

Yeah. That's what I lived with. That kind of stuff. Yeah. So, and when you tell people, they're like, I know it. Yeah. I know. So you run. I mean, I never did that with my kids. I was always knocking at people. Don't do people. Don't do. I won't even Bailey. I don't even look at her when she showers at me. No, I was she not that woman knew what she was doing. Oh, she knew. She was trying. You know what it was? She was trying to have power over you.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. She would do stuff like cut all my hair off and then tell my dad I did it. No, I didn't. Do you think that's why you have short hair to this day? I wonder. Because I've had it long, like yours, and then I'll cut it short. Right now, I don't want to go through the growout stage. Oh, no, it's the worst. There's that. I don't know how I'm going to appear on camera.

Well luckily there's like ways and extensions and everything. Yeah you can do that when it gets too about here. I may try to grow it out but I have a little face. I love your short hair though. Yeah your look is a vibe and I would told you when you came in here. Sixty's vibe. Yeah. Sixty's. But I love it. Yeah. It's like very twiggy. Yes. Yeah I like that kind of thing. I love that. I think I mean when my mom cut my hair it was like I had long hair and she would just cut like you know so you look like an insane kid that your brother cut your hair off by accident. She's just

jealous of you. Yeah, I had her into stepmother too. She didn't do the things to me that yours did, but she beat me and emotionally physically. That's the same. She probably wanted to do something else and couldn't, you know, take you down that way. Yeah, horrific, horrific. Left a huge scar. Yeah, it was interesting because

That has to be a mental illness, though. You can't mean to any sort of child on a continuum as fucking along with you. Yeah, you never know. You're face is hilarious. No, I love you. Oh, my God. No, I'm the same way. When people talk about my trauma, I get like a really shitty and like a nervously laugh. It's just it's a trauma response. Yeah. Oh, absolutely.

But it's just, you cannot be mean to children. If you're mean to children, you are a fucking just piece of shit evil human being. You're a weirdo, yeah. Children are the most innocent things on the earth. They don't have, you don't have any recourse really as a child. I mean, my kids, my kids had a lot more recourse. Like, my Keithie, if you told him no, you couldn't go out, he would turn around and say, I'm gonna tell people you did, you Michael Jackson me at that time. And I'd be like,

Don't laugh his ass off. I don't do that. It was like 10 and I said, what did you just say? I need to go on. So the kids got more brash as they got older. But for my generation, because keep in mind, I'm almost 60, which we know, but which I speak at nauseum because I can't believe I'm here.

It's very humbling to grow old. Like, everything you thought you were when you were young and it wouldn't go away, it's gone. Whatever it is you look in the mirror and you're like, who is that? That different person, you know, just so different. But for me, it was very hard with my mother. And I remember running away at 10, running away at 11, running away at 12, my dad would find me. Obviously I didn't get very far. I mean, who are we kidding?

And the other thing that I learned from my childhood was to be a distance runner. So when they would start whatever it was they were talking about in the home, I would leave when I was five, put on sneakers and go out the door. Because back then we all took the subways in Toronto, we all took the buses. That wasn't abusive. Like all the little kids went in little groups.

It wasn't like today where you're like, get off the subway. You'll be kidnapped. And we drop our kids everywhere in micromanage. It was not like that. And I wasn't the only kid out, all my friends. And we lived in a good neighborhood in Toronto. Shout out to Lawrence Park. And we lived there. But I became a cross-country runner to get away from it. So I always had practice. And I just have used that to cope my whole life. And it's been the biggest blessing. I would advise people with anxiety and trauma exercise.

a blessing. It comes first in my life, period. I preach that all the time. Whenever I had just gotten out of a severely abusive relationship and I first got with Jay, my body was in fight or flight. I didn't know what was going on at the time. No, right before I started hitting my spiritual journey.

And I would wake up out of a dead sleep at six o'clock in the morning, throw my shoes on, and go jot. We'd be on tour. And I would jog around the hotel that we were in. Like anywhere we would go if I started having a panic attack, I would just go jogging. Like it really does reset the mind. It saves your life. It saves your life. Did you ever take the, I took Calonipid for a while, did you? Oh, I was a Xanax addict. I didn't do Calonipid, but give me a little Zany Bonaducci and I would be in heaven.

I love it. Yeah, I was so bad I was having like 200 panic attacks a day and I was always in the emergency room and I thought people were poisoning my kids too I always went to the emergency. Yeah, I'd run straight there like they're gonna help you. Me too. They'll lock your ass up. They give you Xanax. Yeah, and fucking colonipin. I went so much the doctor told me he was like he didn't call me Bunny, but he said Alyssa because that's my reality. Yeah. He said Alyssa.

You can't keep coming in here. He's like, if you're not going to take the Xanax, do not come back in here. Yeah, because you're not dying. Right. Yeah, exactly. Stop it. Yeah. Yeah. I would be so crazy that I was actually, and it can be spiritual because in the midst of my panic attack, I'm super psychic. Like I would see any kind of energy around me, anything. Good, bad or ugly. Yes. And that would freak me out. Yeah. So I would go places and see things like I went to Disneyland.

with the kids, and I was seeing like demonic, and this is true. Like, I think Keithie was like three, and we were with Tanner and Jason, their little friend, and I was looking around, and I got stuck in one of those cars you drive, and I'm like, I can't. I would see something coming at me.

And it's because I was so open that they will utilize that if they're a little bit dark to come in and torture you. I'm convinced of it. I'm convinced of it. You can hear an past podcast where I don't want to keep circling back to me, but it's like the similarities is giving me confirmation that I'm not crazy. You're not crazy. How many times have I said that my panic attacks, I would look at people and their faces would look like they're melting. Yeah, changing. Because you're seeing what you're seeing in the midst of a panic attack. I can see people's

eyes changed. Yeah. Well, you're seeing a lot of people have attachments. You're actually seeing that. So call it nonhuman entities attached. I don't go as far as to say they're all demonic unless I can tell by the shape I see. Right. But people walk around with things on them. That's why addicts can't give their drugs up because they have attachments on them who like the drugs. People don't get that. Addiction is a frequency, not a mindset. It's not a lifelong thing. I know Dr. Drew will yell at me.

No, I love that. It just gave me a goosebumps. It's not a lifelong thing. It's a frequency. Once you shift the frequency, you can remove the addiction. You don't think about it because you don't live in it. Wow. It's family patterning. You may come from a family that has a habitual habit of living at that frequency, but that's not like your gene pool is white. No. Yeah. I don't believe that. Of course, I go against medical science here. Same.

Yeah, I don't believe I think that everything is I love Eastern medicine. I don't like anything about Western medicine. No, it's very damaging. I had my kids. My husband delivered my kids. I did not go to a hospital. I took no drugs. I was fucking savage. It was savage. Childbirth is barbaric. Yeah, I haven't had children this life because I fucking am so scared of it.

It's so barbaric. It is, but it was interesting. I think I might have died during childbirth or something. You could. A lot of people still do, believe it or not. It's pretty intense. It's a pretty intense thing, but I really enjoyed it. Weirdly. I wanted to feel my children. I spent so much time numb that I actually wanted to feel them. Maybe it has two kids. She's like, no.

Don't like that one, dude. For me, me over here is like, I can feel her burst. I can feel her butt cheeks clenched over here. I know they're like, I remember saying just before I pushed my first son out, I think I'll go to the mall and look for a pair of shoes. Oh my gosh. It's like, you're not going anywhere. I'm like, no, really, we can hold this off till later. Like, then I was like, you're into it then. Yeah. That part I was in. Yeah. And you both, my kids were like nine pounds. So it was

Little baby turkeys. Yeah. Goodness. Little watermelons. Oh my goodness. And a long 22 inches long and I was like, it's watermelon. They were watermelons, yeah. Goodness. We did that just fucking, just fucking Shiro over there. Goodness gracious. That's my OCD. Once my mind sets to it, I'm not changing. I will not change. I got it. It's.

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Circling back to you did this first gig when you were 14. Yeah. Did you jump into full-time dancing after that? Pretty much. Yeah. I had 14. Yeah. Yeah. No one asked for... I mean, I had ID that didn't say I was 14 instead of was 16, not much better. Right. Yeah. Still.

And in Toronto, the clubs, and I went to the Fillmore's East at that time, so it was the same owner. But I applied there as a dancer kind of behind his back. When he found out I was dancing, he never looked at me or spoke to me again, the owner of that club. Like he literally shut me down. I guess he didn't expect

Whatever. And I'm like, well, the money is good. Well, I feel like men in that industry are such creeps that he... That he... Right. So he probably, to you, you were a waitress, so you were innocent and you were pure. Yes. And then when you crossed over, you were just like the rest of them. Yeah, like in his mind, that's how... Totally. Yeah. I had the greatest time at that club, though. It was... Yeah. It was... I love dancing. Yeah. It was so fun. But I also...

was shocked. Some of my friends would get pregnant and they would make more money pregnant and that freaked me out. There was weird shit that would go on in the booth. This is before girls had to pay to work in a club. I quit when I was 23 because I'm not going to pay to work in a club. Like it's work. Why am I paying you? Like the house fee.

Yeah, so we didn't have that when I did it. But we did tip the DJ at the end of the night because he removed whatever was wrong with your body, with lighting, the importance of lighting. So he would do that. But we didn't have to pay the clubs. Like they were looking for girls. There was such a stigma to it. So we got paid quite a bit, which was really good. And I traveled from here and I went to Florida. So I worked Toronto, California, Florida. And it was a shock when I came to LA because the clubs where liquor was served were all

I mean, we're sorry, all nude was just beer, and then full nude was no alcohol. But Toronto, it was like anything goes. Like huge clubs, everybody's drunk, and God knows what. And this is where I drew my conclusion that most men are gay.

Because they would come into the clubs and they had their young men friends with them, but they had their rings on. So I saw so much of that, it really jaded me. Like I was a jaded bitch after that. My next book that's gonna come out after this book, my life story, I've already decided I'm gonna call it Little Black Book. And it's literally gonna be just everything about dancing and sorting and everything. See I didn't quite do the escorting a couple of times.

But I could never show up on time. That's why you're an hour early today. I'm like, for bunny, I'm showing up. I'm like, yeah, I know. I'm like, I will be there. Well, first of all, the time said central time. So I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, what if I make a mistake and it's not really central. And so I'm like, I'm checking with, I'm calling John. I'm like, is central time, what is it this time? Stop calling me.

to our difference. Yeah no it's too I have to look it up though because my mind will go off running and then you'll be like where is she but it was so fun no I'm glad I got here I'd rather be early but at that time I was so like ADD that I couldn't commit I could barely get to a club you know

I barely get there all over the place. Yeah, no, I was just very much on the go. Like I still carry, I still traveled like that. I still travel like that. I'm here there and everywhere. So it was hard and the dancing was easy because I do one set. And at the time in Toronto, we had to go on stage for three songs, clothes, underwear, nothing, right? And you could table dance. Do you remember when you had to carry the things on your head? No.

Oh, yeah. OK, we had like boxes. They did not have. You could dance in the horseshoe, but for people at regular tables, just like this, we had like boxes. So you go the guide by a dance. You go pick a box up and stand there and dance in front of them on the little box in your heels. No, never had to do. But I.

Everybody always says that I glamorize being in sex work, and it's not that I glamorize it. I literally grew up in Vegas, where fucking sex work is glamorous. Yeah, it's not. When I was dancing, it was like the Anna Nicole's, the fucking Pamela Anderson's, the Carmen Electra's. It was a very taboo thing. It wasn't like it is now. Dancing was very taboo. It was for me too. It was like horror.

If one more man calls me that, I will come. That is the word. I get that at least 10 times a day. Yeah. That triggers the shit out of me. I laugh. Well, now I'm like, it's mishorred to you. But I will scratch your eyes out. I make it into merch. I make money off. Yeah. Yeah. That's smart. See, I got to learn because I get too emotional. I go right into like, OK, I'm now. Yeah. Now. Now. All the hate that gets thrown at you, just turn it into money. That's what I do. Yeah. That's what I'm going to do now.

Yeah, dumb blonde. That's how I started all this was literally people talking shit about me I know because it's like really hair color like and that's another thing with my mom growing up She wouldn't get me Barbie. I had to have skipper

Okay, something happened to her when she was younger. Yeah, I could somebody made her feel less than that, that and that was what she wanted to project on you. But my thing is, is like, you go your whole entire life till you're 40 years old, not having a child and then you go get one and you treat her like this. Yeah, it was very, it was very, yeah, it was difficult because you have nowhere to go. You have no family because once they cut you off, you're cut off in the adopted circle.

I will say my cousins in the adopted family were always very kind to me so I've lit cousins that are they'd actually be second cousins because my first cousins are older because my parents were older but I have a brother that my mom and dad had after they adopted me but he doesn't talk to me either so yeah I didn't even call him my son passed which was interesting sounds like he's like her

Yeah, I would bet. Without insulting anybody. Right. Publicly. So moving on, you said that you stopped dancing at 23. Yeah. What had you already met, John at that time? Yeah, I met him in a club. Let's bring John in. Yeah, because you and John have a long time. We like, I don't want to say it's a

Oh, it's tumultuous. Okay, long, tumultuous. We're friends. What kind of relationship do you think it is? Do you think it's karmic? Do you think it's soulmate? It's soulmate. Now this is interesting because soulmate can be anybody. Yes. Your kid, your parents, your whoever. It's definitely both. It's 100% karmic because as I always tell the story, but it's true. I was going to Florida to work. I worked in Miami, so I was going to Florida and I came into the club in the Valley. It was just a topless club at that time.

that I was in in the in the valley a real hood rat club no offense but it was anyway I would just you know do the dance contest win and then take off because I'm so ADD I don't want to stick around so I was going to give the bartender money I owed her and I saw John at the bar facing the TV and when I looked at his back I kid you not and I was with my friend we were he came in the club with me

I said to my friend, I said, my little gay friend who was coming to Miami with me. I said, see that guy at the bar? I'm going to marry him. Like, I knew it. And I saw one dark haired baby and one strawberry blonde on his back. Oh my god. So that is actually how I introduced myself to him. And he said, are you high or would you like a drink?

He's like, you are right up my alley. Yeah. I saw my children. Yeah, I saw them. Two boys. And I saw, Keithie, Keithie's a strawberry blonde. Well, he was a toehead at birth, like a real toehead. Beautiful hair. Don't natural blonde? I'm a dark dishwater blonde. Okay. Yeah. And sometimes I'll go red. Sometimes, you know, what? He had changes, but now I love blonde. So yeah, I'm a short haired dumb blonde. There you go. Not so dumb blonde. Yeah, exactly. Stupid people.

I have to say it. We should put the stupid people show. But John was there. So I was on my way. I was also married to somebody else at the time. It was a four-month marriage. I made a mistake. And the voice in my head, when I was walking down the aisle, talked outside of me and said not to get married. And I ignored it.

Yes, I did. Because we all do that. Because we think we know better. So I ignored it. I did that twice. Yeah, did you? Oh, yeah. Did you want to kick it? Before Jay, third time's a charm, baby. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I was his second marriage, and he was mine. But six months later, I came back, and I...

saw his friend in the bar he was not there so I said to his friend can you call your friend because he said he'd be here like I was so literal it was ridiculous and he came over and we started dating right then and we weren't really apart like and that was

It's this is your 37 and we've only been divorced since October. So it was I know I moved out I love each other. I just feel like so much love. Yeah, I do love him. He was annoying John you're annoying off

After two babies and a fucking lifetime together, stop being annoying. You delivered the kids, too. Yeah, he did. He did deliver them. Cut John some slack, Sloan. I'm like, oh, he's so funny. He now lives in our house with my grandkids, my son, and there's no room for me right now. Literally to do my podcast. I'm down the street in my studio slash where I stay, but then I go there to see the grand babies. I'm back and forth. I drive a lot, which is good for my ADD. It's excellent.

But what was so fascinating when I met John, this is true story, our dads worked together and we're both nicknamed Slim, okay? Yeah, my dad was born in 1917, his dad 1912, but they worked for the same company in the same line of work.

His mom, her first name was Kathleen. My mom's middle name was Kathleen. Okay. And we're all from Canada and the families. So I know it's karmic. Yeah. There's no way our backgrounds are very similar. What I think happened, because I can't get away from them and I will pick men that are 20 to 25 years older. And that is a sign of abuse. Like that does come from that. Yeah. However, I get their

time frame and their culture. Like I'm not current, I'm back then. So all the TV shows they grew up with, I get. Yeah. How they, you're adopted parents were also older. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. My dad was in his 50s and my mom was 40 and then I think turning 42 when she had my brother. So she got pregnant right away. Pretty much. There's two years between us.

So she got pregnant on her own after she adopted probably because she was not as nervous about never having kids You know for her and it was obviously it was karma because she felt the need to do it right to begin with you know So that was karma. So everything was kind of my brother was a Scorpio. You know how that goes I Love Scorpio women Scorpio men scare me

Yeah, they can be there. They're my husband's a Scorpio. He's an airy Scorpio rising and I'm just like, you never know. They think he's and he's very psychic. He's and see for psychics. And this goes for you too. You're what I call a sensitive. So

You don't work professionally as a psychic. It's not your profession, but you operate psychically and not just once or twice. You do everything psychically. So that's a sensitive. So you do your business through your psychic ability. So most successful people do that. They just don't counsel others day in and day out because that's not what they're here to do. They're here to do this business, but use that insight. And John was very much like that. So I really appreciated it. And every step of the way he's been on my journey.

Like on our way here, my bra broke, so he drove me to Victoria's Secrets to get a replacement. Is he here in town? No, he wasn't. He's with the grandkids right now. But I'm like, we have to get a bra. He just looks and he's like, you have to catch the plane. I'm like, bra, please. So he's good like that. But if I were to say, hopefully he doesn't get mad, but it was the alcohol. It's a lifelong journey with the alcoholism or the alcohol. Is he an alcoholic?

Not, not according to him, but I feel that it's a problem. So if you drink and you talk to me in a certain way, when my kids are older, I'm not going to listen to you. It's a trigger for you. Yeah. Yeah. He needs to understand. Yeah. It's a huge and an abuse of home where alcohol was he did as well. Like his dad was very similar to mine. You guys are opposite and yes, the spectrum though. Like he was more normal. Yeah.

Well, that and he took it on, whereas you were like, absolutely. Never. That's how I am. I'm sober. I won't do drugs. I won't drink. Nothing. We planned a drink for Mimi's birthday. It's like a special occasion. When is Mimi's birthday? The 30th, April 30th. So April 28th, we're going to go out and tie it on. But I have to bring my own bottles. I won't drink liquor at a bar because I don't trust it. OK, they spike it. Yeah. Mimi, they spike it.

I don't trust anything. Drink out of bunnies bottles. Literally. Yeah. So, you know, it was just two different ways of accepting. Yeah, once I had kids too, I think that any kind of drugs or alcohol is off the table for me, like I get very serious. So I'm a mom that way, you know, women are caretakers. So we hopefully don't go down. You know, I didn't want my kids to see that from me. Yeah, I'm not saying I didn't do drugs. I did as a teenager, but

Yeah, so I finally got fed up with it, but I'll tell you what I think really happened I've given it a lot of thought because he drove me batshit crazy a lot and was my best friend like he's the first person I call so it's I mean yeah, I just don't know what to say I did from the minute I saw him even when he's annoying and you know I put his name in the freezer yeah To block him. He knows that secret. Yeah, he's to throw his name out of the ice cube chase

to put it in there, freeze it so he wouldn't bug me. Alicia didn't put him in a jar with nails. No, I wasn't trying to kill him. I'm trying to back him off a bit. None of it works actually by the way. They're going to come forward if they want to, right? But it's funny because we were struggling when I got pregnant with Keith in our relationship and I wasn't sure I wanted another child.

So I asked Keith to tell me if he wanted to come through. I wasn't opposed to not having the child or not. Honestly, that was my mindset. I wanted a career. I was kind of selfish. I had Jason. I was good with one child, even though I saw two. And I really felt like Keith wanted to be born. So I had him. And I'm is the best thing I ever did. He was my tie to learning things that my first son taught me different things. But my Keith, he taught me really huge lessons. Obviously, he passed so huge lesson.

But when I separated from John and I planned and didn't let on and then suddenly I just left and he was so mad and yet he would shop for dinner the next night and come get me and I'm like now my independence over here because I was such a young girl too, you know, but

After that, it was six months later that Keith passed. So I think Keith's birth was for us to work our karma out. I think we completed that cycle. And so we can be really good friends now without having any kind of issues. You know, I mean, we can have issues, but I have my own place. So bye. So I feel like

John's gonna just be in your life. Yeah, he is. I know you say a lot on your podcast because me and John were talking about this, how people don't know how you're with Jay because it looks like it should not be according to them and their judgmental ass selves. John and I were always like that because he was much older and so people would say is that our son is that your grandson and your parents like, no I fuck him.

I swear, people are stupid. No, not everybody, but there used to be random. So we always looked, not when he was younger, but we always looked kind of now when you see us because he's at that different stage in life.

He just turned 78. So yeah. And he still can get you though if he wants to. So I'll give him that. But it's funny. Your friends are your friends and it's timeless. Like whoever you love is who you love. There is no path for that.

I always tell everybody when I met Jay it was literally like my soul was like there you are. Yeah like I recognized him and I had known him in every other life too and we have had the craziest relationship but like that dude is my best friend. He's my John. He's yeah my best friend. Literally. Even when I'm

freaking mad at him. Like I could just put a fork in his forehead, which I tell him I'm a driver and stick one in your forehead. Aw, don't be hurtin' John. Damn it, I love that you're sayin' that. But it's funny because he is my best friend. Like everything that I've ever done, my work, he's always there. And he can bug me while I'm doing my work, but he's still always there to pick it up.

He's really good. Our little granddaughter loves the shit out of him. She looks at him like she knows him from somewhere. It's the strangest. She could, like she's friends with me, but wherever he goes in the room, she's like, it's so funny. She just loves him. Yeah. She just sees him and she checks for him. Like her little head pops out of your arm looking for him. Oh my goodness. It's the cutest. So let's talk about your kids. Yes, because those are your light and you have said numerous times during this podcast that you came here to be a mom.

I did, I didn't know it, but I did. Yeah, let's talk about it. Oh my God, take me on that journey. I loved being pregnant with Jason. Loved it. Like, loved it. I was like, look, I gained $197. I really did. I bet you were so cute though, because you're so tiny.

No, I was a beast. It's like a wildebeest out there. But my stepson called me a blueberry because I wore blue blue overalls and I was so huge. Like, I mean, my belly was like, it was hideous. But I mean, cute. It was Jason. And I just absolutely, I loved breastfeeding.

I breastfed for two years, and we co-shared the bed. The kids didn't have their own beds. They did, but I brought them all in the bed with me. And my son does the same, so it's kind of cute. They all co-sleep, co-sleep, I think is what they call it. We just called it sharing the bed. But it was the best experience of my life. It changed me so much. It changed me.

just it was incredible. And then you become this like even more paranoid OCC person with kids. You're like, you know, you realize you're responsible for it. Maybe he's laughing over there. You're just like no babysitters. I made all this. Yeah.

family members only my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law was on set. Do you remember Psychic Friends Network? Back in the day, so we did my client reenactments that the show did. Linda Georgian was a friend of mine and Dionne Warwick was the host. That's the only way they put it on in the air. But my mother-in-law'd be in the green room and hold Jason and I'd breastfeed him between takes and he'd come back. I dragged her everywhere with me and she did it willingly.

That was the best. And when I got pregnant with Keith, it was, Jason was so lovely. And I was kind of mad when I got pregnant again, because it went so quick that first two and a half years that I'm like, oh no, there's another baby coming. I don't, you know, like now I can't give to Jason because I'm now going to have two. So I was kind of mad at first, which was weird. And then I got into the pregnancy and both my kids told me their names at ultrasounds at six months.

So I wanted to name both of the Matthew. Like I had that in my head. They're gonna be Matthew something, right? I don't know why, just like the name. So with Jason, I heard Jason. So at six and a half months, I'm like, he's Jason. And then with Keith, I heard Keith. And John's like, who do you know, name Keith? I'm like, nobody. You're like Keith Richards. Yeah. He's born on the same day as my son.

Oh, wow. December 18th. Yes. Oh, my God. Good hit. That's crazy. Yeah. Keith Richards. Keith was not like Keith Richards, but he could have been maybe, I guess. But yeah, when I got pregnant with Keith, it was so different because that was an extraordinary thing. When I gave birth to Jason, I flew out of my body.

I was pushing. They said push. My mother, birth mother was there, and she had a mirror. She's like, look, you can see that. Like, I don't care. You know, my head's spinning around. And so John was there, and he was holding me up. And I'm push, push, push. And I'm thinking to myself, this is actually hell. I need to get him. I told John, go down the street, get that kid. He used to play baseball. I said, he sells drugs. Find him.

Give me the drugs, but it's too late at that point. Anyway, I flew right out of my body, and suddenly I was looking above myself, and I saw Jason who hadn't even come out at age 19, handing John a little girl, and she was Hispanic, mixed, and I saw a baby girl, and she had wavy hair, and she was a little toddler, and he was handing her over, like it was over my body, but I'm watching it.

John's over there, and I knew it was his granddaughter. That's our first granddaughter, baby Lila. And I saw her, when I saw her, I went, oh my God, there she is. She's here. And I described her, John's like, that's weird. It's like the absolute description, because it wasn't anybody we thought who it would be with, and this, that, and the other. And with Keith, I was screaming as my legs were up, and I was in the jacuzzi.

And something told me to get out of the jacuzzi because it didn't feel right. So John's like, don't push, don't push. And I'm like, why? The midwife was on her way. It was almost to be Christmas. And he's like, the head is purple. I'm like,

So meanwhile, the midwife gets there. John actually did this. I got to give him kudos for this. He pushed Keith's head back inside. Yes, for the love of God. Yes. No, seriously, I couldn't even feel it though, because I was so like, what's happening. Right. I was just like, you're for him to even be able to do that. He did it. He jumped right. That's one thing about him. He's really good at that. Like, if you're having an emergency, he will stop and help you. Yeah. And he doesn't care. You can't leave this man. He has been a love in your room. Literally.

literally felt like a Mac truck after. But Keith was tangled down here and under here. John untangled him. The midwife came in and so turned me and then Keith was delivered but then he had to go to the hospital and this isn't even funnier story but not. So I'm there and I don't have any clothes that'll fit.

I'm wearing John's pants. And I said, you stay with Jason. I'm getting in the ambulance with Kethi. Kethi went and our doctor was Heidi Fleiss's dad who was doing the movie and in trouble for tax evasion at the time. So they banned him from the hospital. Oh no. So then the hospital called social services on us for having a home birth and all of that shit. And little Kethi had to stay there one week.

They want to make sure he was okay because he got strangled coming out, but he was fine. And he was nine, just over nine pounds. And he was in with the little like drug babies that were the size of your hand. I was like, like little, like not even a pound babies. And that blew my mind. But I was still like really angry that my Keithie was in there. So I go to anger first always. I'm like, fuck you, I'll get my kid out of here. And so Keithie came home and he was just

So cute. And that changed my life, too. But when I got pregnant with Keith going back, I'm always going backwards. That's, I have a lot of cancer planets. We do that. We go forward and then we look back. Um, astrology lessons. Yeah. But when I got pregnant with Keith, that explains why you say that you, um, came here to be a mother because cancer represents mother, like mom. Yeah. I just absolutely, it was, I'm not saying I was the best. I would chase those kids, ask Jason, like I,

Well, the son, when he was being bad, I parked my car, kicked my shoes off, and tackled them on the street. Like, I was that bitch. I feel like that's how I would be on the mom. Like that bitch, you know, people are like, your mom. And it's like, you were not going off with that kid. I fucking told you no. Yeah. And, you know, no. I wanted them to stay away from drugs, obviously obvious who, who wants their kids on drugs, said no one.

But when I got pregnant, it was St. Patrick's Day and I'd gone down and gotten, I felt like having sex and John was with his friends. So I went down to the, was known as a bicycle club in Burbank and I dragged him away from his friends for a quickie on the living room floor. And I literally heard ping, it was like ping your pregnant. And I just remember him saying, I am not out of the room.

And I was pregnant. We couldn't know then, right? And then I tell the story, but I really heard one's coming and one's going. So I didn't quite know what it meant, but when I looked up when Keithie would be born and it was a sadge, I knew it was his brother Jimmy. So I didn't know the timeline, but that was my first hit that Jimmy was going to pass. And that was the step center. Yeah. He was, that devastated me. Because I saw it. And as a psychic person, when you get that information,

it's almost like you feel you're causing it, but it's not that you're you're getting the phone like the strand of information first and you can feel it and it's so um it blew my mind it uh it fractured me i was not normal after like i had a psychotic break

Like, that's what they said. I went to the hospital and ran away from the hospital because I thought the doctor was an escapemental patient. I mean, I was out of my mind. Like, I was just like, I'm not staying. Goodbye. Yeah. Gotta go. You, because the voices in my head, like, now they were messing with me because I was so... When Jimmy died, it...

shattered me like glass and John as well. I'll never forget it. But as we got closer to the timeframe, I had the conversation with him because I kept hearing the voices. So I thought, I'll go to his work and just jokingly sit down with him because we learned while I was pregnant, he had a drug problem. We did not know that. I mean, maybe his sister did, but I did not know that other than weed. I mean, whatever, but nothing serious.

And he started doing the overdosing thing and this and that, and he did not look like it. He was extremely good-looking, okay? And tall and healthy-looking and, you know, so he didn't look like he was destroying himself, if that makes sense. And I went to John's work. He was working with John at that time, and I sat down with him, and on his lunch break, he'd always tan out the parking lot, so I was sitting with him, and I'm like, you know, how do you want to be buried? And he's like traditional Catholic.

He just answers that. He was a double sad. He was the best. He was December 9th. And he had a Pisces Moon, though. Sweet little Pisces Moon. Really sad for this planet. Too sensitive for the planet. The nicest person. The nicest, kindest person.

Pisces always is and they take care of everything and everybody, but it will destroy them too. So mentally for him. But anyway, he told me he'd just gone to a wedding and he was wearing his dad's tie, which was the one that John were to our wedding. So he said, yeah, I'll wear that tie and this, that and the other. So, you know, up then I was after Keith was born, I thought we were safe again. This is my thinking I can control or that I understand and I did not. They're going to teach you a lesson psychically every single time.

But it was, Kithi took his first steps on the day, on the day his brother died. So my son walked and our other son, which would be John's son, passed on that day. And it just, so, yeah, at John's work. And I just, I heard the phone call coming in and I walked out the front door because I knew.

I was told it would be by Halloween and this was October 9th and it I can't even describe it. I was not normal neither was obviously John and poor Keithie was 10 months old so he never knew he went through so much and

that was my first I remember looking at the body in the funeral it's not funny but in the funeral home and we have already established that you laugh when you're uncomfortable so I almost knocked all the flowers over like I couldn't get out of the room fast enough and I was like they didn't brush his hair right he had long hair used to wear it in a ponytail and I was like it's a hair swirl but of course you're dead so your hair is wrong yeah you're dead and

it was so traumatic for me and I had postpartum too so I had those two things and poor John he had to get up and go to work like he was supporting us at that time because I had stopped working pregnant with Keith and was looking after Jason and so he was a sole supporter so he had to go back to work and the thing about the grief that I found so interesting is people would call me from his work like he'd forward the phones and I'd answer and they're like

Yeah, how's Jimmy? John told me he was, you know, getting lunch when I stopped by and I'm like, he's actually dead. Like, he would not say it for like a good, he was, he wouldn't say it. I mean, people knew, obviously people knew us, but he wouldn't say it. And poor Jason was three and loved his brother.

Before my Keithie came, it was Jimmy who showed himself on my podcast. And so I jokingly thought, like, see her first dad. We were fighting at the time. I'm like, how about somebody else in the family? Never heard to me that he crossed my son over.

So he came to let me know. I always saw Jimmy He showed me how he died much different than with Keith and with when Keith passed when I got that call from my other son Jason who did not know he was dead. He just said his exact words 130 Is it okay to say this? Yeah, you asked about the kids I'm talking about it, but when Jason called me I just finished working and I

He never called. He used to text, so I picked up for that reason. You know how these kids are. They don't want to talk to you. I try to get our kid on the phone all the time. I don't text me. Call me. Yeah, they don't like that. The 30-year-olds don't either. 31.

Anyway, he called me and he said, Keith hit the floor. And I'm like, he fell down the stairs. Like, I didn't understand the motorcycle conversation. And I said, what are you talking about? He said, the motorcycle. And I said, where? What hospital? I went right to that.

He said, chat's worth. I said, wear a desoto. So I'm on the phone. I have had a best friend. So did he know? No, he didn't. No, no, no. Somebody had called him and said your brother was in an accident. I heard from George because Keith had gone out to get the motorcycle. John had COVID at the time was really sick. George and Keith went out to get Keith's bike. Was it been in the shop? So George was driving, shout out to George, a Scorpio.

There you go. Yeah, he's a November 4th Scorpio. Anyway, one of Keith's friends, he was driving Keith's car and Keith was riding the bike home and they were going to the gym after that, like my kids do. And so George did not have my phone number or Jason. So he called our other neighbor, David. David called Jason.

So that's how I found out and then said, call your mom, tell her, whatever. But he didn't know he was dead. So David drove out before we got there. And then the police told David what happened. And he called Jason, but I did not get that call, but I knew I went complete the I went numb. I don't have feeling. I laugh. You could punch me. I don't have feelings.

Now I don't feel anxiety like you know how it takes over your body I don't feel that anymore, but I know I have it right mentally intellectually, but I feel nothing physically so I Of course went to anger, but I drove down the street I was calling the police and they wouldn't tell me so then David called me and sent me a pin to where Keith was and

And I said, you need to tell me, is my son dead? And he wouldn't answer, so I started screaming at him, you killed him. Like, I just went right nuts on him, the poor kid. He hung up on me, ignored me, thank God, but he didn't want to tell me. That's what he said later. He goes, I just didn't want to say it, you were driving, so I just didn't want to say it. So I was on the, I was on, it's funny, I'd been on a group text, shout out to Carol, and she had said, let's

I had said let's steal the bikes and she was gonna put them in her garage and I didn't follow through because I called John and he said they'll just get insurance money and buy faster bikes. So and I didn't even know Keith had a bike until two weeks before he passed because I wasn't living in that house and they shut the garage on me till I walked up on it one day. I saw Jason's bike and then I saw a blue one and I'm like who's that?

Because I know Jason I have the same thing with motorcycles. I will not let my husband have one No, no the drivers. No this lady Just I have the video from a neighbor. Thank God. I had to do all the work though, and the police thought I was crazy. You're crazy mom who loves your son

Yeah, that's it. I just remember pulling up and I saw the tarp and I went completely nuts. They would not let me go near the body. I didn't care. I don't care what position my son's in. He's my son. I'm here to clean his life up and bring him in. Like that's my job.

And I'll tell you something, I think of it, it's to all the mothers that have lost, I hope I don't cry. Anyway, to all the mothers who've lost kids, makes me very, it's a full moon. I'm going nuts, but it's okay to hurt. This is a very painful, but obviously. But to all the mothers, it's a great honor.

to finish your child's life. I learned that because I cleaned up and had help from so many people who helped me clean up my son's life. Um, I felt like I had to like he was not finished. And so I felt like I would do everything, find out everything, make sure all his friends knew how important they were to him and do things in his honor. That's how I looked at it now. That was it was, um,

It blew my mind. I was just like and I just couldn't understand like people like the police were there. I couldn't understand what they were saying. What the fuck are you saying? And I could see him and it's funny. The first person I texted was his ex-girlfriend. They were not together. Her name is Paige. I love her dearly. I texted her. I sent her a picture from across the street. Don't ask me why I did that. She was with her boyfriend now and they have a one-year-old 16-month-old child. Really cute.

And he said, she told me this after, he said, what's wrong? And she said, I think Keith died. So they pulled over. She had the same reaction I did because he looked like he was sleeping. They covered him and his little socks were there and they were dirty on the bottom. And I was like, why are his socks? Because he used to run around and white socks outside.

on the, you know how men are, they just go out. And she had the same, same comment. I just felt the urge to send her that, I don't know, I just had that reaction. And she was, yeah, she would, and then Jason pulled up, he reacted the same way I did. He ran out of the car. It took three police to hold him back because he was going to fight them. He's like his mother that way. But he's a guy. And McKenna was there, my lovely little makeup artist, daughter-in-law. And she was there.

And I just watched her. She kind of slid onto the ground. She's a Pisces. She just kind of hit the ground. And Jason just ran like he was a quarterback, like trying to get to his brother. And they had to like, you know, push him like that. And so it was unbelievably traumatic. I just changed the whole mood of the room. But it was OK. It was so traumatic to me that

I don't even know how to describe it like John didn't get out there to say I just and I remember calling him as I was driving up and I told him to shut up because he started crying like a wounded animal not crying wailing the word is wailing I couldn't handle it shut up click and he couldn't come because he was too sick he had a fever and all of that but

I just, seeing it just blew my, like it just blew my mind. And so we waited, you wait, obviously, till the coroner gets there because they have to do what they do. And I was, George had gone, George, because the police, he took his car, his family took his car to Johns. And when the coroner, Pukethi on the stretcher, his eyes were half open, like that's what happens when you die. And his mouth was open. So I was above his head and his feet were this way.

And Jason was behind me in the corner, and I sniffed for him. I wanted to smell him. He was not there. I sniffed his mouth. I looked it. I was like a nut. I looked at his eyes. I had to take it all in, because that's how I am. I have to find out everything. But I had to look at him. I had to see.

Didn't have panic at the time. I was just numb, but I could not smell him. He was gone like he was out of the city now I'm gonna tell a really interesting thing after that the next day my Jason was coming home from The gym in Burbank or wherever he was but I think it was a gym a lady hit him on his motorbike So I was in the emergency room with him. She ran over his right and

didn't break anything but ran over the right side of his leg and wouldn't get off. She was wearing a mask and an older lady and the lady behind her had to bang bang bang and then help Jason. The day after that

Jason says he doesn't remember but Kenna does remember so Jason anyway said he had like a vision in our house and he saw Keith come in with his helmet on go upstairs like he did and he turned to his dad and John said to him in this vision this wasn't really happening this is what Jason saw and he said

doesn't he know he's dead? And John said don't tell him he'll stay longer, which would be exactly what he would say. And so Jason said they sat there and Keith came downstairs, sat on our table. We have a low table and lounge table and he sat on it.

And Jason and John and him were talking in this vision, and then Jason couldn't stand it anymore. And he said, bro, you died on a motorcycle. You're dead. And he said, Keith looked at him and said, I'm not dead. And they did what guys do. They stood up and these two would, you know how guys are. They fight like with their chests and stuff. And Jason said he like chest bumped him energetically.

and then got so mad he swooshed out of the room. So technically Jason told a piece of key soul. That's a great illustration because he helped his brother leave, like at least understand part of that because part we split into different energies when we pass. Part of his energy.

went one way, but part came home because he wasn't sure, because we're not contained, see? So Jason actually did that. Jason has been a good medium since he was a kid. He's actually better than I am, but he will never admit it and will ignore this conversation for me saying that.

And then that night I slept in Keith's bed, and I felt him. Kenna came in the room. Keith's cat was there too, and I felt Keith come through me. But he was fragmented. I knew he was hugging me, but his energy was all over me, and yet he was hugging me.

It wasn't like I hugged you. It was kind of like a tornado. Yeah. Like the static on a TV for like you walk through that and how that would feel. It was like that. I knew it was him. I slept in his bed and I just said to John, I'm going to sleep in his bed and I went so that I could smell him because I couldn't smell him. And that made me, he had a very distant, my kids, I could, you know, you can smell your children. Even with cologne on, you can smell them.

And when was this, when did this happen? 2020, July 29, 2020. Oh my gosh. Yeah. But Keith, Keith, I have to show you the picture. He manifested on my live stream because I kept saying I can't feel him. I did. I felt him move through me and I felt him when I was preparing his friends, prepared the most beautiful send off and celebration. We did the service in the park.

Gorilla style because it was covid so like 60 people came in the park where he would work out during covid The funeral home took his body across the street because there were no nobody was allowed to view I Through a tantrum and said I'm bringing him home if we can't and so they moved him to a different area We signed waivers and everybody was at once was able to see him And I was quite fine looking at his body because I knew he wasn't there so it was very different than when his brother died because

Something in me thought he was still in there. But when I looked at Keith, he looked like my Keithy skinnier because you lose your volume. But it wasn't like he's not there. Do you think it's because you had that maternal attachment to him that you feel that? Oh, as opposed to with Jimmy?

Yeah. Oh, definitely. Yeah. I just knew he wasn't there. So I looked at the body and I actually took pictures of him so that I would remember it and it looks like him sleeping like a little angel. So they could not put clothes on him because his body was damaged tremendously from the motorcycle.

So they wrapped him and he looked like a little mummy. It was so cute. His little face was really cute. So I saw that and He manifested I think it was Elvis's birthday somebody emailed me the other night. I was talking about this So I have like your sets like a couch that was behind me and it had a blue throw on it It was in my other studio and they're they're all crying over here

It made me cry too. I am. I'm sorry. No, don't apologize. I just it's yeah, it's the it the one way to get at me is to say something about my kids. I will yeah or to you know like negative. I mean, but Keithie came through so I was sitting so I sit

at the kitchen table. The only thing I took in the divorce was my kitchen table where my kids sat. That's like I lug a huge big fat thick-ass kitchen table around because I'm like my husband. He's obsessed with our kitchen tables for some reason. Yeah because people sit there and talk that's it. So my camera is on that and my little so I had it there and the the two chairs were behind me and people started going look

Look what's happening behind you. So I turn. I can't see anything because the light's in my face and I don't see anything. They're like, there's the face. There's the face. And I'm like, I'm live streaming. So I can hear them. I mean, see the thing. And I'm like, oh, it's got to be Jim Morrison. I'm screwing around. I have a picture. It's Keith's profile from his picture. Someone took a picture of me with it behind it and attached Keith's face beside it to show that like he manifests. He manifests.

all the time. So I get comfort in that, although I'll tell you as a medium who's lived through this, I still want my son here. There is nothing you can tell a mother or a person who's lost somebody that makes them feel better. So I don't even think I make people feel better when I tell them if I tell them I because I miss my son. So you can tell me stuff.

Doesn't matter. I want my Keith here. I think your soul is always gonna ache for him. Yeah, I think that's that's what I'm that that's what I do So but it has brought me so many lovely people who so many people reached out. Oh my god. I was dying like I and so many people

I shout out to my friend Bobby who Keith came to her and she painted his picture and then she was a PI and she found every witness. So and set up everything I needed to take to court, you know, to try and figure out what happened. She did it. And she literally said, was it a hit and run? It was.

Like my friend Stacey, who is a police of Los Angeles, said it caused the accident. Like if you're on the side, they didn't hit him, but they pulled into his lane. It was DeSoto. So six lanes going one way, going the other way. And Keithie was going to the freeway. He was in the closest to oncoming traffic. The lady pulled to turn left. And she went out like this, which caused him to move into the middle lane. And I have him on the bike. He's upright and fine. Like nothing is showing. And then two houses later.

He hits a mailbox that the person cemented into the ground and it All catapults him and cuts basically his this artery here And so he was dead and people kept saying oh your son was doing a wheelie No, we hit the mailbox and when it cut him because it was metal and cemented when it cut him That's a death grip like that. Yeah, that's what that is and then he hit a telephone pole and you'll love not love that But he landed outside of Buddhist temple

Oh my God. And so the monks were praying for him when I got there, which I liked. Yeah. Because Mikey Thee would like that. So I was very happy that people, they went, they told me they took me over there when I got there and they told me they were praying for him and they were chant, you could hear them chanting. So.

He passed right outside of there and it was actually under a really beautiful tree. It's very odd But I tried to observe everything that about it like every single element so that I Know what I saw and I can't stand it. Yeah, I absolutely I petitioned the court for three years and finally got all the police video cam So I saw every aspect of the damage done to my son

all the video. Now I can look at it. John does not want to look at it. Jason and I can look at it. But I had to look at witnesses and how they responded and people around and I had to know. And I can actually hear through the video, um, he's friend David on the phone. The police are telling him and

He's crying and I can hear Jason screaming at him through the phone and I can hear him say, bro, why would I lie your brother's debt? Like I can hear that conversation. So it's fascinating to put everything into order for me. So I can see how it drives people crazy when they don't know, you know, what happened or they can't see it. So I advise people to get as much information as much as you can get because even though you don't want to know it, it may help you understand a series of events which will then help you process it. Absolutely. That's what I feel.

No, I'm the same way. I want to know every aspect of every situation so that I can either one come to some sort of closure in my own life or just know it's just something about being an information junkie. I have to know everything. You need to know. Yeah, that's that's the same with me. I needed to know and then I needed to abdicate for my son and I needed to I throw parties

to celebrate his transition, which is his birthday on the other side. That's how I choose to see it. So I put a bench up in the park. That's what we decided to do as a family where he exercised. So I decorated on the day he passed and we have beer and pizza parties. And on his birthday, we let off firecrackers and neighbors call the police, but we do it every year or so.

That's what we do and his friends come and they always you know I get invited to all the baby showers So I go as him. Yeah, if that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely for every single one of his friends and all their little kids and It's it's it's a nice gift for you too. Yeah. Yeah. Oh no, it's really great to watch these kids I wish I know he knows me. Oh, that's my little granddaughter. I know he knows her. Yeah

Yeah, and my, my other granddaughter did part of the eulogy at his funeral. She was eight. She stood up. She wanted to. Oh my goodness. Yeah, she did. Really brave because I didn't want to stand up. So she did.

Yeah, really brave. Thank you for sharing that with us. God, I just, your audience is like, whoa. No, they love this. What do you mean? Before we get into our next chapter of this, can I pee really quick? Sorry, we're getting our lives together, Sloan. Yeah, I'm getting mine together. I dressed. I'm so excited I arrived here dressed.

Like a sane person. Sometimes I think I'm gonna look cute for somebody and then I'm like just stick with what you know works. You look beautiful. You are gorgeous. We all, all of us are gorgeous. Everybody's gorgeous. They really are, but we don't see it that way because we believe bullshit.

I do and you know what a lot of people are always like why is bunny nice to these people like I was on what somebody sent me a bunch of screenshots today from this group that's on a website that fucking just does nothing but talk shit about people and they were like bunny is always just so nice to people who have mental illness and I'm like

Am I supposed to judge them? Am I supposed to make them feel terrible about themselves? That's not what I'm here for. I'm here to love people and put a smile on their face and make them feel good about themselves. That's an ignorant comment. It's so fucking weird. You would not believe the shit I have to deal with online. It's crazy. I get that one woman

My PI was messaging me go, I think this is her page. She's sending it to me while I'm here. And I'm like, yeah. She's like, you can tell she killed her son and to be famous. I'm like, lady, I had no like in my head, but you can't fight them back. Yeah, because they tried to say that about us. My mom died before an award show. Yeah. And they tried to say, Oh, was Bunny's mom a sacrifice? And that's why Jay won all the awards. And I'm like, my mom.

Yeah, like nobody wants her like load you mom, but no, but that's not sacrificial lamb material. Yeah, no, it's it just it's weird and then they say things like you talked it and know that that's how I work as what clear audience is say things and it

actually happened. Yeah. So it was just horrible. See, so mine's the opposite. I have visions. And if I don't say anything, it will happen. But if I do, sometimes it like changes the trajectory of it. It's really weird. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah, it's really weird. I tell them that all the time. I'm like, I have to tell you this because if I tell you it, then it won't happen.

Okay, yeah, that could be also your OCD. Making the deals, making the deals. But I know with me when I call it psychic Tourette's, if I keep hearing it enough, I have to say it. Or it just eats me. And I wanted to warn both my boys and I didn't know which one. My best friend was a psychic and I went to her and I said, tell me which one of my fucking kids is dying.

And she's like, I can see the chaos. I can see the lady. And it was a lady that pulled up. We just found her taking me four years to find her. We just, I put her face everywhere online. I got it off the, we never know who she was, but I got it off the police footage. That's why I knew I had to get it. So now we're tracking her this week. My PI is going to call her. And then you can put even rush charges.

Well, she's going to have to say why she didn't stop. She's all over my son's body an hour before I got there. I have it on. The police didn't get her name. Nothing. She's oh, she's stopped. And then yes, she stops their look. Herner, whoever she was with, they're looking for shit all over the ground. And I'm like, it and then they're talking shit. They're talking shit about George's family. I have it on tape. Like I got the police footage. I had to subpoena myself. I had to research how to do that. Wow. It took me 18 tries, but I kept going into court, getting a subpoena.

and going down there and they're like, denied. And I'm like, motherfucker, I'm going back. But I did it because I knew I had to see something on the footage. And it's actually the one of our witnesses described her and said, Oh, no, she talked to the police and they didn't think anything of it. He died six months after that from a fentanyl overdose. And so but he described her. So when I saw her on the video, I'm like bingo.

Wow. Yeah, I have him on tape, so I taped everybody. He came. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poor kid was Jason's age anyway, fentanyl. And he was just, I felt bad. He didn't stop because he said he was smoking weed when he was driving up the street. He didn't want to get busted, but he did report her. And then I can see her everywhere. She's all over the body and the police says, what's your name, ma'am? And she's like, oh, I'm praying. And she pretends to pray. I want. Yeah, I want to kick this shit out of her.

Wow, and that is horrific. I watched it and they wouldn't let me know. I would never be able to live with that. No, that's not a good person. You're not a good person. Yeah, to go home and go to bed and know that you fucking killed somebody and you acted like you were praying. Well, see, like, that's disgusting. She didn't hit him. She pulled out. Right, right, right.

Which, so there was something wrong. She obviously knew she did something wrong. She was investing in his body. Oh my god. Yeah. And then she went to help George. She got water. So I asked George's mom, do you know this woman? And she said, oh, that's the nice lady that brought him water. Talking shit to the cops on her way. Oh, that kid. He comes from a shitty family. And then she's like, oh, yeah, the mother. She's a tall blonde. I'm not tall. I'm five, six, I'm average. And then she's like, the father's older. And then the kid in the car is like, he's like 80. I'm like, how do you know who I am?

They obviously went on, I don't know, but they badmelt George and all kinds of shit. And poor George was so traumatized because he was, he went, sat with Keith. But anyway, it was so, but now I have her name. It's like, PI is texting me. Well, you gotta keep me updated on that. And once you, you know, pursue it and everything, come back on the part. Yeah, we're definitely doing that. I mean, hell I have no fury, like a mama scorned man. Let me tell you.

No, this is Keith right here. He would hate it, but I hacked, hijacked his phone and hacked into it. And that's the last picture he had up, but he was six foot four and darling cute. Such a cute little blonde green-eyed sweet child. Sounds like my type.

Yeah. He would love him. He was so cute. And he would have loved you. He would have been so excited because of your husband. He would have loved that. Oh, I love that. His best friend's mom texted me. Oh, my God. He would have loved Shelley Rose music. No. Yeah. I love that.

She's speaking of jelly roll. Yes. You know my husband is obsessed with you and he has just been since last night just hammering me with please ask her these questions. Please I need answers and like he just really doesn't. He has answers but he's just being kind. He doesn't know. He doesn't trust anybody.

you know you and Tyler Henry are like the only two he trusts actually like you know please and then so I made the mistake of I just never want to ever overstay my welcome with people's gifts you know and I just feel like it's it's a gift and you know like I don't ever want to

Intrude so with Tyler. I didn't really go in-depth and I didn't intrude and he was just Jay was like, what do you mean? You had it for two hours and you didn't ask him a fucking thing and I'm like, well, not really So we will do the complete opposite and I will try to ask you some questions and but you so you pulled up our birth charts. Yes, okay cool

Yeah, so you did our birth charts and I'm curious to hear about all this. Let's go ahead. Okay. Well, this is super interesting. I'm gonna tell you something super interesting about your man first. I'll go back to you're the host. I should talk about you. I'm fine. No, talk about daddy. Since we just talked to daddy and he said, don't forget me. We're not forgetting you daddy. Can I call him daddy? Yes, of course. Everybody calls him daddy role. Okay. So the first thing I noticed with him in this life, and I'm going to say it straight out, no matter what he did, whether he's a singer,

construction worker, I don't care what he did. In this life, he was never gonna be handed anything. His life is about building it for himself from his own constitution. So he wasn't gonna, even if he was born into a Hilton family, he was never going to inherit that money because for some reason, the karma in this life is you must do for yourself. It's about getting to know yourself in this life. His chart is totally set up for music.

But here's the issue. Everybody got an issue in astrology. Okay, because he's a sad rising. Okay. So that's fantastic. It's cute. But he has Neptune on the ascendant, which is musical sun and Uranus in the 12th house. He actually channels the music he writes. So it comes to him in clear audience form. So he understands what I'm saying because he hears the wording and puts it to paper.

AKA notes automatic writing. Okay, that's what we call some people write like this when they're when they're giving readings because it's automatic writing. So he could technically do that. He guides it towards music. Now, because Neptune, which is your Venus's ruling planet, okay, because Venus is in Pisces, because Neptune

is up there on