My boyfriend's narcissistic stepmom has completely stolen and confiscated every baby shower gift that was supposed to go to our unborn child. And now we are both at a loss and we seriously don't know what to do. Here's what happened. So my boyfriend and I had only been dating about two months when we got the positive test. We have now been dating about nine months and he's made it clear that he never wanted kids and has been struggling with prenatal anxiety. But has made it clear that he would like to be involved in my baby's life.
As 220-something-year-olds and as first-time parents, these baby showers that we're gonna have will help us both financially to make things work the best we can. It's been a really hard pregnancy and it's just getting more difficult to work full-time as I get further along. We had previously considered living together upon knowing the circumstances, but for financial and personal reasons, our daughter will be staying full-time with me at my parents' house.
which ended up being our only option for the time being. My due date is August 1st, and his lease for his apartment with his current roommates ends on December 1st. It's also important to know that he has two sets of parents, a stepmom and a biological father that lived together, and a biological mother and a stepdad. And there was a baby shower hosted on June 1st.
My boyfriend's stepmom, let's call her Jay for the sake of the story, is married to his biological father. This baby shower was mostly for this side of the family, people like his aunts or uncles, his cousins, grandparents, and his great-grandparents. And from that baby shower, we received so many wonderful gifts.
and it really was such a lovely experience. But something strange happened at the end of the shower. Jay and his biological mother started to move in a hurry by putting the gifts away in her closet. I was really confused when I saw this. And when me and my boyfriend had discussed what we were going to do with the gifts after the party, we both agreed that we would put as many gifts as possible in his car, just to not make it weird for his relatives, and any bigger gifts would go in my parents' SUV.
The whole thing just seemed really weird to me, and the people that were still there sat in silence as they shuffled all the gifts away. I felt so small and like I couldn't do anything. I was in his parents' house surrounded by his relatives. My boyfriend said he thought she was just moving them out of the way when I asked about it, and this seemed weird to me also.
Why were the gifts just not brought to the cars? Jay came up to me when she was about halfway done putting the gifts away and told me, don't worry, I'm just putting the gifts away so I can make returns on the duplicates or even make exchanges and write thank yous on your behalf. And then she went back to quickly stashing away the gifts. Now here's the thing, I received no duplicates at this shower except for two swings but even then, why do I not get to pick which swing out of the two? Now this is where we both made a mistake.
With us both being equally confused and tired from the festivities, we left with no gifts. And his family was acting in the same way that you would expect anyone would act towards a 22-year-old's baby shower. We get littered with comments such as, get ready for your life to end, or them saying, oh, say goodbye to your free time. It's pretty much the usual hassle that people receive from relatives regardless of your age, which may think so much worse, especially with his anxiety around being a first-time dad.
I found out later that she had decided that she would keep the gifts at her house without talking to me or my boyfriend first. She chose to put them in her closet without even letting one of us know that's what she planned to do. I then got a text message from Jay about a week later telling me that she had gotten everything split up between us and I just got more confused. Do they not know that she will be living with me full time?
Well, it turns out Jay didn't agree with our living situation and told my boyfriend that she was scared that I would just rush off with the gifts as well as keep his daughter away from him. His stepmom and dad wanted to make sure that he had something after trying time and time again to explain our situation to them.
and that if we were to move out together, it would be in December or later. He works full time, but he hasn't worked at his current job long enough to qualify for paternity leave, meaning that I will be with her full time on my maternity leave both night and day. And he wants to see her every time that he can, both after work and on the weekends. And right now with our combined incomes, we just can't afford to move in together.
When Jay had sent her son to drop off the baby shower gifts, I immediately noticed that there were two big ticket items missing, a swing as well as a pack and play. I planned on returning one of the swings and buying a car seat or a crib, and both gifts were about $400. After noticing this, I got really suspicious. It made me question, what else did she possibly take from us? Jay had her daughter make a detailed thank you list with every gift given, which I used as a checklist for every item given to me.
But here's the thing, the stepmom had taken and withheld about two thirds of the gifts. Every time he tries to speak with his family about this, and trust me, I would never say a word to them as they are his family, they gave him another excuse. They say something like, we were scared her family was gonna run off with the gifts.
But it's like where am I gonna run off to, my family's house? You know, the same place she's gonna be staying full time? They also said to us, we wanted to make sure that you had something. It just seems like she's running off with a bunch of free stuff and abandoning you. Or my personal favorite one where they said, why is your girlfriend being so materialistic? It is so obvious that she plans to leave. I've gone out of my way to build good relationships with his entire family. And it hurts to know that this is what they really think of me.
I think the funniest part about all of it is the fact that he specifically said he didn't want anything from the showers baby-wise except for a car seat of some kind. It's like his family expects me to withhold a gift from him or like we aren't two adults that can make decisions for our own child. They're not just keeping the gifts from me, the girl their son knocked up, but they are actively breaking my trust as a mother of their unborn grandchild.
Now, when it comes to the handful of items that were confiscated gifts, they include the following. She took the lactation pads, breast milk storage bags, and the newborn diapers, meaning that all of the ones that I received were completely taken from me. She also took the cards in return receipts, including the gift cards, the bottles, and the newborn onesies. She even took a breast pump from me.
because she was splitting things up between the two of us. I feel sick knowing that she kept literal diapers from us and items only I would ever use. Regardless of our living situation, Jay made me feel like every gift given to us was very conditional, like it had to be earned or
beg for until she got her way. It felt like a toddler throwing a fit that things weren't exactly the way that she wanted them. I've thought through every possible reason why someone would do what she did. Is it because Jay's daughter just found out that she's pregnant? Is she keeping the gifts for her daughter specifically? Is it about the money when she is already so well off? Is it some kind of attempt to control the both of us? Or does she really think she's doing the right thing?
On some level or another, I understand some random girl he knocked up won't have the same level of trust that her stepson has. But why does she get to choose what's the right thing for him to do? I understand it looks weird that she is living with me full time for the time being, but we literally have no other choice. It's not like his parents are offering him a spare bedroom. They don't want to make solutions to the living space. They just want to control it.
I can't afford anything better. It makes me feel like a horrible person already, that I can't get my daughter a better life, and all their judgement just made me feel so much worse. I'm trying my best to make the circumstances work. I love my daughter, and I want her to have everything she needs to the best of my ability.
At the end of the day, I just don't understand that even if she was splitting things up between us, why were breast milk storage bags and lactation pads taken from me? Why did I not get to keep the nice onesies with the zippers or get to pick out which swing that I wanted? Why does Jay get to pick and choose what we each need for a child? Why don't I get to own the breast pump?
I am going to be the one using it after all. This entire situation just made me feel so small. It feels like I can't do anything at all. I feel so frustrated, and I feel like this is the worst way to manipulate someone, by withholding non-conditional gifts from a literal unborn child.
I have another baby shower coming up from his other side of the family, namely his biological mother and his stepdad. And knowing that his biological mom helped his stepmom bring the gifts into her closet and helped to withhold them from us, I'm just honestly so anxious over the whole scenario.
If they really are trying to control both of our lives now and the lives of our unborn child, what about when my daughter is actually here? My entire pregnancy, they have told me horrible things, saying stuff like, you need to stop taking your parents' money and sign up for government daycare. Or they'd say to me, you're making it so much more difficult for each other by not moving in together. And also, of course, all the usual unwanted pregnancy advice and the comments about different things. Usually, the first thing people ask me is whether or not I'm planning on breastfeeding.
I mean, even strangers are asking me this. And the random belly rubs from absolute strangers is even worse. Now, my boyfriend feels completely indifferent to the situation. On one hand, he understands why they did it and he isn't angry. But on the other hand, he realizes this is them being controlling towards us and is literally telling us exactly how they will be when she is here. Regardless if it's in his best interest, he shouldn't have decisions made on his behalf by his parents as a moved out adult, especially without even a heads up.
I do have three more baby showers, one with the other side of his extended family, one with my side of the family, and one with my friends and coworkers. He tells me not to worry because I have three more showers to go, but what I keep trying to tell him is that I just can't rely on those people to buy everything that we need. What if we needed the extra money from returns to buy something super essential? I don't even have a crib, a car seat, a dresser.
or a changing table topper, and now I don't even have diapers. I cannot possibly depend on three or more people to spend upwards of $100 reasonably. These might be the only big gifts we receive that we could return for something else that we need more. He's told me that growing up, they made him feel like he was just there, and that he didn't have a good relationship with his stepmom for a long time over how controlling she was growing up. It makes me sad that she made a little kid feel like he wasn't as valued as her biological children.
Even when he became older, she did this, like paying the full amount for her biological children to go on vacations, or just to go to Disney, but if he wanted to go, it became conditional. He had to pay for the plane ticket if he wanted to go to California beaches, while her biological children got a full ride. I'm scared Jay is going to do this again to my daughter, now that her biological family member is carrying a grandchild too. It is such a complicated situation, and I'm so lost in what to do.
Every answer makes me feel materialistic or selfish for wanting these gifts, but I wouldn't be able to afford them otherwise. Obviously, if he wanted to, the gifts from his family he is more than welcome to keep, but they were supposed to be for the both of us and for our unborn child. It feels like I'm going through a divorce trying to split our assets. Why did his family have to make it so weird for me? What should I do? Wow, this is a crazy circumstance to be stuck in.
For starters, your boyfriend has no spine. Why on earth is he not making a bigger deal out of this? Why is he sitting there and being like, oh, it's okay, whatever. I can understand why they're doing it, so I'm not completely mad. Like, no, I would be furious. I would be kicking the door in from their house and being like, give me the gifts right now.
I would tell them you have until the end of the day to get me those gifts, or else I'm gonna call the police and start a report. Because what they're doing is literally stealing. They're stealing all the things that they gave you, and they're trying to be like, oh, we'll take care of it in the meantime. It's like, no, you're not, you're gonna give it to me, or else the police are gonna be involved. And sure, you know what, I can understand where you're coming from, where you're saying, okay, this is my boyfriend's family, it's not my family, so I don't really have a place to say anything or try to make a fuss about it. But if your boyfriend's not gonna do it, then in my opinion, if I was in your shoes,
I would definitely be making a big deal out of this. You both are in a financially tight situation. You can't even live together at the moment because the lease on your apartments are just not lining up. So to have these baby showers as some kind of relief for the baby that is literally on the way, only for your boyfriend's mom and stepmom, to literally step in and take things from you and your boyfriend, like that is absolutely unacceptable. And it's time for somebody to step up and say no, you need to give us those gifts right now.
They're not gonna manage it for you, they're not gonna handle any kind of thank you cards or anything like that. They're not gonna return any duplicates because they have no right to do so. They're gonna hand over everything that they're supposed to give you, and then they're gonna walk away calmly and mind their own business. Because the comments about them
basically implying that you're gonna run off with all these gifts and abandon the boyfriend? Or them even saying, oh yeah, you're just never gonna let our son see his daughter. Like that in my opinion is a clear view into how these people really are. And I'm a firm believer that if someone shows you exactly how they are, and exactly how they feel about you, then you should believe them.
You should believe that they are telling the truth and that this is actually the way that they see you. Because seriously, this is all completely inappropriate. They cannot, under any circumstances, take these baby shower gifts from you and try to lord it over you as if they have a say on where it does and does not go. Because at the end of the day, that's between you and your boyfriend. And either your stepmom or his biological mother has any right to take anything from you that's going to your baby. If you like Am I the jerk, you're probably going to love Am I the genius?
Check it out linked down below in the description. Also, go to amythejerk.com slash submit if you would like to submit your own stories. Am I the jerk for refusing to ask my partner if he'll drive my friend to work when I go on maternity leave? Because right now my friend is acting super entitled and really trying to guilt trip me hard. And at this point, I seriously don't know what to do. Here's what happened.
Okay, so I'm currently seven months pregnant and I give my friend a ride to work. I've been doing this the last year because they live three minutes away from me when I was in my old apartment and I continue to do the favor when I moved in with my partner. I'm going on maternity leave next month and my friend has no idea how she is going to get to and from work. She's been trying to figure it out since I found out I was pregnant but she cannot drive. There are no driving schools nearby and the closest one is two hours away and they have no family to help them do it.
I said I wish I could help more, but giving her rides while on maternity leave, but driving with a newborn at 6 in the morning just isn't happening. Well, today she suggested that I ask my partner if he would drive her, and I said no, I'm not asking. We have to be at work at 6.30, and my partner had to be at work at 7.30, and we live about 10-15 minutes away from my friend, and our job is 20 minutes away from his job.
and I'm not making my partner wake up earlier than he normally does just to get ready for work and drive my friend to work all because she can't find a ride. She then made a joke saying that he should do this because it's his fault that I have to go out of work because he got me pregnant and as a friend she would appreciate the favor. I said I wish we could help but I'm just not asking him. Well, she is now upset with me because I won't even ask.
But I already know that my partner will say yes because he has people pleasing tendencies. So I'm just trying to make the decision for him. She then brought up how she would not have even taken the job that I helped her get if she knew that we would not be able to carpool anymore. She figured it out when I couldn't give her rides due to illness or appointments. But now I feel like she's just guilt tripping me and keeps insisting that I just ask and refuses to drop this subject.
So am I the jerk for refusing to involve my partner in this entire mess? Because right now I really don't know what to do. I'm honestly kinda disgusted by your friend because they're seriously just trying to guilt trip you into doing exactly what they want. They don't care about you or your fiance or your baby. They don't care about anything going on in your life. They only care about getting a free ride to work and they're willing to guilt trip you and disrupt your entire life just to get exactly what they want. And you just know that the only reason they're asking you to ask your partner
is because they probably know that there are people pleaser as well, so they're thinking to themselves, oh I can get him to do this, he'll drive me to work and that'll solve all my problems. Like seriously, this kind of arrangement is obnoxious, and I can understand carpooling for work, but at this point there's such a weird sense of entitlement that it really makes me question if this friendship is even that deep in the first place. Like are you guys actually friends, or does she just see you as like a free ride of some kind?
Because based on what you're describing, I'm willing to bet that it's the second one, and that honestly is so tragic. So no, you are definitely not the jerk for saying no, I'm not gonna ask my partner to drive you to work. That really sounds obnoxious, and in my opinion, you should not be forced to drive this friend, especially with the fact that you're gonna have a baby very soon. An entitled old jerk refuses emergency medical service, all because I was wearing a mask, and this was clearly an insult to his delicate sensibilities.
But after trying and failing to talk to this man, as well as trying to convince him to let us help him with his medical emergency, he refused our help unless we took our mask off. And I'm honestly still blown away by this guy's weird behavior, and I hope I never deal with anyone like that ever again. Here's what happened. So I'm a firefighter and a paramedic for a small suburban department.
And our particular community has a lot of retired elderly people, and many of whom begin to experience medical problems at an exponential rate as they get older. Last shift, we get a call to a home for difficult breathing. And most notably, as we pulled up, was a yard that had sides of their favorite political candidate, as well as an American flag flying upside down from a flagpole, and most ironically,
A sign depicting bullet holes? Boldly proclaiming that this house doesn't call 911. Our mere presence at that house proved that was in fact very false. I mean, I can't imagine how the Second Amendment didn't resolve his respiratory distress. And he had to resort to calling the exact number his sign states that he does in fact not call. But I digress.
So you can imagine this person's politics and personality, which to some of these entitled old people, seems to become one and the same. I happen to not share his views, but a patient is a patient, and I treat everyone courteously across the board, unless they give me a reason not to. Ever since COVID-19, I've worn an N95 mask on every single medical call.
Our department no longer requires us to do so, but I choose to because I like not getting sick, and I also like not bringing home patients infectious illnesses to my wife and toddler, and I credit this with having not caught COVID once since it all started. Anyways, we entered the house and I called out fire department.
which he answered by saying, I'm in the back bedroom. I follow the voice to a bedroom where I find a 350-pound man literally sprawled out on his bed. He's audibly wheezing and coughing and looking pale and incredibly sweaty. And in EMS terms, we call this looking like garbage. So yeah, this dude needs some intervention. But before I even set my gear down and start my assessment, he says to me, get that effing thing off your face.
Now, I definitely wasn't expecting that to be our initial reaction, so I asked him and I said, pardon? He said to me, so I think to myself, okay, cool. To this guy, it's more important to range about personal protection equipment than I'm wearing than to tell me what he called for, or to just let me treat him.
I try to brush it off with an explanation about how this is what I wear for every medical call, but he raises his voice at me and he says to me,
Trying to look past what he just said, I asked him if he wants help or not, at which point we reach the stage where he pretends not to be able to understand me because the mask allegedly muffles my voice. I have a deep voice, and I have been projecting it for hard of hearing old people my entire career. And it was also fairly telling that when I told him, sir, you can hear me just fine. And his response was to say, no, I effing can't.
Eventually, he demanded that someone else on my crew help him out because he was sick of my BS. So I said to him, okay sir, you got it. I called my partner and my captain into the room and said that he would rather speak to them. So, they enter the room, but surprise surprise, they're wearing a mask as well because this house reeks of stale smoke and body odor, and this patient is constantly coughing.
So he sees two new people also wearing a mask in his room, and then this guy absolutely goes into a rage. He's telling us to get out that we're all useless, while also saying some of the worst slurs I've ever heard in my life. I asked him if he would be willing to sign a document called an Against Medical Advice, which releases us from liability when a patient refuses medical care.
His answer was to say, screw that. I can't hear you with that stupid cloth on your face. So I think to myself, yeah, okay buddy, whatever you say. We then grabbed our gear and we filed out. His clearly long-suffering wife caught us at the door and begged us to go back in and take him to the hospital as he's been having so much trouble breathing lately.
Now, he sure has, but he's also an adult, at least on paper. And he makes his own medical decision, so legally, our hands are tied. I felt a little bit bad for her, until she said something to me that honestly blew my mind. She said, you don't need to wear a mask anyways, just take it off for his sake so he'll let you help him.
My answer to her was, sorry ma'am, my body, my choice. Call us back when he goes unconscious or stops breathing. Well, sure enough, she called back at four in the morning and he was knocking on death's door. But this time, he was too messed up to even know that we were in the room, and I ended up having to intubate him and breathe for him mechanically on the way to the hospital.
Last I heard he's going to make it, but I sincerely doubt any lessons were learned along the way. Wow, this guy's an idiot. Like seriously, who in their right mind would be like, ooh, I'm having trouble breathing, but I can't possibly get this help if you don't take off that mask. Like, if I'm actually having a medical emergency, I don't care if the ambulance is wearing a clown costume.
I absolutely want them to come in and try and help me out. So honestly, the way this guy acted was incredibly inappropriate, and I don't blame the original poster for walking away and teaching this guy a valuable lesson. When you subscribe, make sure to hit the bell to turn on notifications. To finish listening to all the stories, check out the playlist at the top of the description. And if you want some chill music to put on in the background, check out easymode.com. If you like Am I the Jerk, subscribe to Am I the Genius. Everything will be linked down below in the description.