Supporting Yourself and Others in Tragic Times: It is crucial to seek support and tools to navigate the complex emotions that arise when witnessing a tragedy. Sharing experiences and finding professional help can aid in processing traumatic events.
Supporting yourself and others when witnessing a tragedy is crucial. Mel Robbins shares her personal experience of witnessing a horrible tragedy and emphasizes the need to discuss this important topic. She highlights the complexities of dealing with emotions such as guilt, fear, sadness, and grief in such situations. By sharing her conversations with friends and family, she reveals that many people have their own stories of witnessing tragedies. Mel emphasizes the importance of seeking support and tools to process traumatic experiences, and shares her own experience of finding help from trauma expert Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald. This conversation acts as a resource for listeners to understand and navigate their own feelings when faced with similar situations.
Taking Action in Emergencies: A Lesson in Proactive Responsiveness: In crisis situations, prompt action, clear communication, and resourcefulness can save lives. Be proactive, stay calm, and utilize visual cues to help guide responders towards the necessary help and support.
When faced with a potential emergency situation, it is important to take immediate action and seek help. Mel Robbins demonstrated her first responder instinct by calling 911 multiple times to report a missing swimmer. She persisted even when she initially couldn't get through and remained calm yet assertive in directing the dispatcher to relay vital information to the police boats. She used visual cues, such as waving a red and white towel, to help guide the rescuers towards the swimmer's location. This conversation highlights the significance of being proactive and resourceful in times of crisis, as quick and effective communication can make a crucial difference in ensuring the safety and well-being of others.
The Importance of Processing Traumatic Experiences: Processing traumatic experiences is crucial for emotional healing and understanding. Seek support from professionals to navigate the conflicting feelings that arise and debunk misconceptions about trauma.
Processing traumatic experiences is crucial for emotional healing and understanding. Mel Robbins shares her firsthand account of witnessing a search and recovery mission unfold and the overwhelming emotions that followed. Through her story, she emphasizes the importance of talking about traumatic events to make sense of the story and process the conflicting feelings that arise. Mel's experience highlights the impact that witnessing a traumatic event can have on an individual, even if they are not directly involved. She emphasizes the need to seek support from professionals, such as therapists and trauma specialists, to navigate these emotions effectively. This conversation underscores the significance of understanding how our brains and nervous systems process trauma and the misconceptions surrounding the subject.
Understanding and Addressing Vicarious Traumatization: Witnessing traumatic events can have lasting effects on our mental health. By seeking professional help and understanding how trauma affects the brain, we can process these experiences and regain control over our emotions.
Witnessing a traumatic event can be just as traumatic as experiencing it firsthand. We often overlook the fact that vicarious traumatization is a real thing. Even hearing graphic details repeatedly can be traumatic. When we witness something traumatic, our brain undergoes a process of filing away the memories. In normal events, memories are filed into a file room in the brain called the hippocampus. However, in sufficiently overwhelming events, this filing process becomes disrupted. The memories may not get properly organized, leading to triggers and reoccurring negative emotions. Thankfully, there are proactive steps we can take to process these experiences in a healthy way. By understanding the neurological aspects of trauma and seeking professional guidance, we can help these memories find their place in our minds and the story of our lives.
The brain's response to overwhelming events and the impact on memory organization.: Traumatic experiences can disrupt the brain's ability to properly store and organize memories, leading to fragmented files and difficulty in making sense of overwhelming events.
Our brain has a natural ability to file away memories and access them when needed. In normal events, our brain maintains homeostasis and files the memories properly and in an organized fashion. This allows us to easily retrieve and share these memories, experiencing the narrative content and associated emotions. However, in overwhelming or traumatic situations, our brain prioritizes the threat and the file room workers, responsible for organizing memories, are needed elsewhere. As a result, we are left with fragmented files, lacking narrative content and meaning. These fragmented files can be triggered by similar experiences and prompt our brain to organize them again. Understanding this process can help us better comprehend trauma triggers and how our brain tries to help us process and make sense of overwhelming events.
Trauma Responses and Healing: Understanding, Integrating, and Connecting with Others: Trauma responses are a natural part of our survival instinct, and by integrating and understanding them, we can heal from trauma and foster empathy and compassion for others.
Trauma responses are initially adaptive and designed to help us survive. However, over time, they can become maladaptive and trigger re-traumatization. Understanding that trauma responses are a natural part of our survival instinct can help remove the layer of shame often associated with experiencing trauma. Integration is the crucial step in healing from trauma, where we organize and put away the fragmented file folders in our mind so they resemble other memories and do not continuously trigger us. The conversation also highlights the conflicted emotions that arise when dealing with traumatic experiences, even if we are not directly involved. It reminds us that everyone has experienced trauma in their lives, emphasizing the importance of empathy and compassion.
Integrating Traumatic Incidents: Creating a Coherent Narrative and Engaging Multiple Modalities for Balance and Healing.: Creating a coherent narrative and engaging in multiple modalities, such as EMDR and narrative therapy, can help integrate traumatic incidents and restore balance to the brain. Alternative medicines may also assist in turning off the fear center for facilitation of integration.
Integrating a traumatic incident into our lives requires creating a coherent narrative of the event, filled with emotional content and meaning tags. To achieve integration, it is important to engage in multiple modalities rather than seeking a quick fix. EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprioritizing) can help short circuit the fear center and restore balance to the brain, while narrative therapy provides a helpful approach. Alternative medicines like Psilocybin or M D M A are also used to turn off the fear center and facilitate integration. It is worth noting that different individuals may respond differently to traumatic events, and some may not be as triggered as others.
Understanding Trauma Responses and Their Impact: Trauma responses can vary from person to person, and it is crucial to support individuals in processing their emotions rather than labeling the event itself as traumatic.
Individuals can have different trauma responses to the same event due to the fragmentation of file folders in their memory. This means that the symptoms and emotions that follow a traumatic event can look very different, even for people who experienced the exact same thing. In the past, this difference in responses was used to shame individuals and question their mental health. However, it is now understood that the fragmented files can create various emotional reactions, such as heightened distress or complete shutdown. It is important to recognize that both active emotional responses and lack of emotional content can be indicators of trauma. Immediate integration of the memory through narrative therapy or assigning meaning can significantly lower the likelihood of developing PTSD. Hence, the focus should be on supporting individuals and their processing of the event, rather than solely categorizing the event itself as traumatic.
Redefining Trauma and its Impact on Individuals: Trauma is not solely determined by the severity of an event, but rather by the emotional experience and lack of support. It is important to recognize and manage symptoms of intrusion to move towards healing and integration.
Trauma is not determined by the objective severity of an event, but rather by the individual's emotional experience and the lack of a supportive environment to process it. Mary Catherine redefines trauma as any event that leads to unbearable emotions without a relational home. This implies that traumatic events can vary for different individuals, and the level of support required to heal and integrate the memory can vary as well. Feeling guilt or shame for experiencing trauma is a misplaced reaction, as our nervous system indicates the need for intervention and care. To address the repeated playback of traumatic incidents in the mind, it is crucial to recognize and manage the symptoms of intrusion, such as intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and repeated behaviors.
Integrating Traumatic Memories: Overcoming Intrusive Thoughts and Emotions for Healing and Growth.: By acknowledging, understanding, and integrating traumatic memories, we can reduce their intensity and move beyond them, ultimately finding healing and growth in our own personal narratives.
Integrating traumatic memories can help in dealing with intrusive thoughts and emotions. Mary Catherine emphasizes the importance of stopping the intrusion by acknowledging and integrating the memory. Shame acts as a major barrier to this integration process and needs to be addressed. Instead of shaming ourselves, we should focus on understanding and meeting the needs of our trauma response. By assigning meaning to the event and fitting it into our larger narrative, we can reduce the intensity of intrusive memories. Mel Robbins shares her own experience of integrating a traumatic event by repeatedly telling her story and allowing herself to feel the associated emotions. This conversation highlights the power of processing trauma and moving beyond it.
Managing Emotional Trauma: Steps to Healing and Growth: Recognize the impact of emotional trauma, separate from shame and visualize putting it away, construct a coherent narrative, seek support, and understand trauma response as a natural survival mechanism.
Dealing with emotional trauma requires recognizing its impact and taking proactive steps to manage it. One important step is to separate oneself from the shame associated with the trauma by visualizing it being put away in a box, temporarily removing its influence. Additionally, it is crucial to construct a coherent narrative of the traumatic event, recounting it as if telling someone who wasn't present. This helps to process and make sense of the experience. Connecting the narrative with the associated emotions allows for a deeper understanding of their significance and how they relate to one's life story. Seeking support from someone attuned to your emotions can provide validation and aid in placing these emotional fragments in their proper place. Lastly, realizing that experiencing a trauma response does not mean being broken, but rather understanding it as a natural survival mechanism. Taking control over one's nervous system and working with the trauma response is possible.
Embracing Triggers and Emotions in Trauma Healing: Processing emotions connected to triggers is crucial for integrating traumatic experiences and preventing ongoing retriggering and retraumatization. Support and sharing stories can facilitate healing.
Trauma healing requires acknowledging and addressing triggers, as well as integrating the associated emotions. Triggers can be subconscious and may indicate buried memories in need of organization. Rather than avoiding triggers, they should be seen as opportunities for growth. Moreover, the goal of not feeling anything is unrealistic, as our memory files are designed to contain emotional content for a reason. To fully integrate traumatic experiences, it is necessary to process the emotions connected to them. Failure to do so may result in ongoing re-triggering and retraumatization. By sharing our stories and supporting one another, we can help each other heal and navigate our individual journeys.
The Power of Understanding and Compassion in Healing from Trauma: Trauma responses show resilience, not brokenness. By embracing our experiences with compassion, shedding shame, and seeking support, we can heal and create a better life for ourselves and those around us.
Trauma responses are not a sign of brokenness, but rather proof of our survival. Experiencing trauma and its corresponding symptoms does not mean that we are flawed or damaged. In fact, it signifies our resilience and strength. By recognizing this and starting from a place of understanding and compassion, healing becomes possible. It is important to integrate the traumatic experiences into the story of our lives in a healthier way, shedding any shame and conflict associated with them. Additionally, sharing knowledge and resources on trauma can help not only ourselves but also those we care about. Remember, you are loved and capable of creating a better life. Take care and seek professional advice when needed.
Something Scary Happened the Other Day, and I Wanted to Talk About It With You (and a PhD Trauma Researcher)
Host witnessed a tragic accident and reached out to Dr. MaryCatherine McDonald, who shared advice on trauma; he helped unpack the experience with compassion and clarity in real-time while explaining what trauma really is and how to heal from it.
The Mel Robbins Podcast
230 Episodes
Recent Episodes from The Mel Robbins Podcast
Don’t Learn This Too Late: Make An Authentic Life Now, By Getting Real About The End
By the time you finish listening, your perspective on death—and life—will be forever changed.
Today, Mel sits down with death doula and best-selling author Alua Arthur for a transformative conversation about how embracing the shortness of life can unlock a profound sense of joy and purpose in your life right now.
Alua shares three powerful questions you should ask yourself today and reveals an inspiring exercise to perform on your birthday to help you live with more intention and gratitude.
With wisdom, warmth, and humor, Alua shows how getting real about death can unlock the authentic, fulfilling life you’re meant to live.
Prepare for a mindset shift that will change how you look at life, death, and everything in between.
For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page.
If you liked this deeply profound episode, listen to this one next: #1 Neurosurgeon: How to Manifest Anything You Want & Unlock the Unlimited Power of Your Mind
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How To Create Better Relationships: 6 Surprising Lessons From 30 Years Of Marriage
In this episode, you are getting the 6 secrets to a lasting partnership.
You will learn how to make love last and the key to keeping your relationship successful and strong.
Today, Mel and her husband Chris dive deep into the most important lessons they've learned in 28 years of marriage.
Mel and Chris share their real-time reactions to each other’s insights as they dive deep into the keys to a lasting relationship.
Together, they unpack how to handle resentment and unmet expectations, how to navigate family pressures, personal growth, and much more.
Whether you're in a relationship, navigating one, or simply curious about how to build a lasting connection, this episode offers authentic and relatable relationship advice you’ve never heard before.
For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page.
If you liked this episode and would like to know more about how to build connection that lasts, listen to this episode next: The Best Relationship Advice No One Ever Told You
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#1 Neurosurgeon: How to Manifest Anything You Want & Unlock the Unlimited Power of Your Mind
After listening to this episode, your brain won’t be the same.
Today, you are going to learn the science behind manifestation and what steps you need to take to manifest your dream life.
In this episode, Mel sits down with the extraordinary Dr. Jim Doty, a Stanford neurosurgeon, neuroscientist, and expert on manifestation and visualization.
Together, they dive deep into the science behind creating the life you want. Dr. Doty explains why your negative self-talk is holding you back and how you can reprogram your brain using simple yet powerful tools rooted in neuroscience.
This episode is science meets manifestation, as Dr. Doty unpacks how neuroscience proves visualization. It will give you the mindset reset you need to make your brain work for you and to rewire it for success.
For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page.
If you liked this episode and would like to know more about manifestation, listen to this episode next: How to Manifest Anything You Want: 4 Simple Steps Backed by Neuroscience & Olympic Athletes
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There’s Something Exciting I Need to Tell You
Mel is thrilled to announce that her new book, “The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About” is now available for pre-order.
You can order a copy of the book at LetThem.com.
If you're struggling to achieve your goals or feel a little happier, the problem isn't you. The problem is the power you give to other people.
In this book, you’ll learn how two words — “Let Them” — can set you free. Free from the opinions, drama, and judgments of others. Free from the exhausting cycle of trying to manage everything and everyone around you.
There is a better way to live.
The Let Them Theory is a proven method that teaches you how to protect your time and energy, and focus on what matters to you. You’ve spent too long chasing approval, managing other people’s happiness, and letting their opinions hold you back. Learn how to stop giving your power away and start creating a life where you come first—your dreams, your goals, your happiness.
“Let Them” is a simple tool that millions of people around the world can’t stop talking about because it works. The fastest way to take control of your life is to stop trying to control other people and focus on what you can control: yourself.
By letting other people live their lives, you finally get to live yours.
Order your copy of The Let Them Theory now and discover how much power you truly have!
Start Strong: Do This Every Morning to Get Out of Bed, Beat Anxiety, and Feel Incredible All Day
If you have trouble getting out of bed, there is one simple hack you need to wake up early, beat anxiety, and kickstart your morning.
In today’s episode, Mel shares a technique called slithering that will help you on those tough mornings when getting out of bed feels impossible.
Mel reveals how this unique practice, taught to her by her therapist, moves stress and tension out of your body, helping you shift your mindset and start the day with ease.
You’ll learn how to use this simple tool to reset your body, tackle morning dread, and take control of your day—no matter what challenges you’re facing.
Note: this episode covers sensitive material, including discussion of trauma and sexual assault. If this topic isn’t for you right now – please skip this episode.
For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page.
If you liked this episode and would like to know more about Mel’s morning routine, you’ll love: 3 Small Decisions That Make You Feel Incredible: Do This Every Morning After Waking Up
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How To Reinvent Yourself & Make The Greatest Comeback Of Your Life (At Any Age)
In this episode, Mel is giving you the step-by-step roadmap of how to reinvent your life.
Whether you’ve just graduated, you’re an empty nester, or you’re somewhere in between, this episode will provide you with the steps to make a pivot.
You’ll learn why reinvention is not about fixing what’s broken, but about tapping into your desires, following your curiosity, and taking bold action.
By the end of this episode, you’ll be fired up and ready to take control of your future. This is an encore episode with new and exciting insights from Mel at the top of the episode where you’re getting Mel’s simple guide for stepping into your next chapter.
For more resources, including links to the studies mentioned in the episode, click here for the podcast episode page.
If you liked this episode, you’ll love listening to this one next: 9 Small Things That Will Make a Surprisingly Big Difference
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Focus on Yourself: 3 Signs You’re Giving Too Much & What to Do About It Right Now
When was the last time you said "no" without feeling guilty? Or set a boundary and actually stuck to it?
If you can’t remember, today’s episode is the wake-up call you need.
Boundaries can protect your time, energy, and mental space, and yet for so many of us, boundaries are hard to make and almost impossible to keep.
Renowned psychiatrist Dr. Pooja Lakshmin is sharing the 3 surprising signs that you lack boundaries and how to take control to reclaim your life.
By the end of this conversation, you're not only going to know how to set them, you're going to realize that any single time you feel overwhelmed or overextended, you need to take her 3 simple yet powerful steps to taking your power back.
If you liked this episode and want to learn exactly what to do to live a more peaceful and fulfilled life, listen to this episode next: 5 Things Only Fake Friends Do & How to Let Go of What No Longer Serves You
For more resources, click here for the podcast episode page.
Connect with Mel:
- Get Mel’s new free 26-page workbook, What Do You Really Want, to finally answer that question and redefine your future.
- Watch the episodes on YouTube
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How To Reset Your Mind for Calm & Control
In today’s episode, you’re going to learn how to turn your comfort zone into a powerful tool that fuels your success.
Your comfort zone is not a place of weakness—it’s actually a place for growth.
Today, you’ll discover how and when to use it so you can feel more calm, confident and optimistic about your life.
You’ll know when to press pause in your life so you can recharge, and build the strength to take on your biggest challenges.
Based in science, Mel will explain how everyday comforts—whether it’s your favorite cozy blanket or your go-to spot on the couch—can actually make you more resilient and help you break through self-sabotage, fear, and resistance.
Plus, you’ll hear from world-renowned Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Robert Waldinger, who shares the surprising science behind comfort rituals and why they’re essential for staying grounded in a chaotic world.
It’s time to unlock the power of your comfort zone so you can truly create a better life.
If you liked this episode and want to learn exactly what to do to discover your authentic self (at any age), listen to this episode next: How to Build Real Confidence: 7 Truths to Unlock Your Authentic Self
For more resources, click here for the podcast episode page.
Connect with Mel:
- Get Mel’s new free 26-page workbook, What Do You Really Want, to finally answer that question and redefine your future.
- Watch the episodes on YouTube
- Follow Mel on Instagram
- The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram
- Mel's TikTok
- Sign up for Mel’s personal letter
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Build Amazing Habits: Simple Steps to Break Bad Habits & Make Good Ones Stick
If you struggle to make new habits stick, you are not the problem.
You've just been missing the right tools and strategies to make real change happen.
In this episode, you’re going to learn the simple ways to break bad habits and form new ones.
Mel is revealing the 3 biggest mistakes you are likely making when trying to change your behavior and why it’s not about willpower.
She is breaking down the science of habit formation so you can finally understand why your bad habits keep holding you back—and how to flip the script.
This is a comprehensive toolkit that will help you apply the research to your life and take the exact steps you need to make lasting change.
This episode will help you beat your next urge to doom scroll, snack, smoke, or self-sabotage.
This is the breakthrough you've been waiting for!
If you want more science-backed hacks for more confidence and productivity, listen to this episode next: 4 Habits for Energy, Productivity, & Happiness That Changed My Life (Science-Backed)
For more resources, click here for the podcast episode page.
Connect with Mel:
- Get Mel’s new free 26-page workbook, What Do You Really Want, to finally answer that question and redefine your future.
- Watch the episodes on YouTube
- Follow Mel on Instagram
- The Mel Robbins Podcast Instagram
- Mel's TikTok
- Sign up for Mel’s personal letter
- Disclaimer
Don’t Argue or Fight With a Difficult Person – Do This Instead (#1 Narcissism Expert)
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Part 4: Hope | Life After Loss
In Part 4, witness the culmination of Paul's extraordinary inner transformation. After weeks of intensive healing work, he has now reached a place of emotional depth where he is able to listen to and hold his inner child, allowing him to process his childhood trauma. In the second half of this emotional closing episode, Paul writes and reads heartfelt letters at Zoey's memorial. Through this profound act, Paul's journey comes full circle, demonstrating the resilience of the human spirit and the capacity to find solace and closure even in the face of unimaginable loss.
Your Questions: Answered
Last week, we sent out an email asking those who signed up to the bonus materials to ask questions relating to Pierre’s journey (thank you so much to those of you who did). This week, I try my best to answer them. If you’d like to receive the bonus materials, and have a chance to ask me a question when we next do a Q&A video, please go to intherapy.alexhoward.com and follow the instructions.