Smutty Holiday Book Club

Are we gonna block Zach Bryan on Spotify? I couldn't name one song. No, neither can I. I'm sure he's a massive artist. Not my genre. Couldn't name one song.

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Welcome back to the get to be nominated for a Grammy podcast while still nine. Welcome back. Is that that's not that's not? Listen, I would be I would be happy for we've been nominated for a Webby. No, we haven't heavily. Never.

I think maybe it was a Lordy IY situation. Yeah. So to be nominated for a Webby, you need to submit an application and pay like $500 per category. Oh. If you're wondering, award shows are scams. And you guys have the product by watching them. I think I had a shared win of a Webby category. There's a Webby dancers thing. Yeah. Yeah. And like, we're both going to sit cross like it today. Yeah, Chris, cross that both offs. Welcome.

That's the acceptable form at this point. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Welcome back to the pod. Welcome back. Thanksgiving is approaching. It's this coming weekend. And spoken word category of the Grammys will get next year. And spoken word. What did you just try to use? Wow, the fact that I stumbled over that sentence. Jeremy came up with a new tongue twister.

are our eyes. Are our eyes. And then he sounded like a seal and it was incredibly entertaining and I wish that it had been live. That's the first time Memphis had it correctly. I'll never say it again. Are our eyes. But it just came out and I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Have you ever seen the TikToks where Glorilla is talking about anything in her Memphis accent? Crazy. Well, we have our first segment that's on blend. You even heard this? No. Have you ever heard someone from the city of Memphis say music?

Jeremy, if you offered me, if you put a million dollars in front of me, I could not tell you where Memphis is. What? One, I couldn't tell you where it is. Two, I couldn't tell you what state is in. That's not true. Three, I could not tell you what someone from Memphis sounds like. I believe this. I think that I can get you to where Memphis is in half of 21 questions. Okay, go ahead. You will be given the questions.

Is it in? Sorry, I'm asking questions for the answer I wanna get to. Maybe I won't get here. Go ahead. Is it in the south? Yes. Okay. Is it in Texas? No. That, by the way, that you, I feel like- But you can see why the vibes. It's giving Texas vibes for some reason. But like, but, okay, the answer to this whole thing is, it's in a state. Tennessee. Let's fucking go. Done. Let's fucking go. It's very much in the middle of the country.

Okay, the whole- The FedEx headquarters there. We don't need to dive into this hole. They've got some of the best barbeque you could imagine. And they say music with an R. Hey, you are actually. Merzick. Look at that. Merzick. I have it, you want to hear me? Merzick?

Yeah. And I got to be honest, when you're in Memphis, that's the correct way to say it. Let me hear it. Let me hear it. Hold on. I'm verifying. I'm not a robot. Yeah. I saw someone do a Pittsburgh left in LA the other day and almost went into car crash. Really? Yeah. Well, they're on the wrong coast for that. I know. I was like, so again, because of the podcast, I know that that's a beautiful thing. You got a beautiful spirit. Yes, sir. Just listen. OK, late on me. Beautiful thing. You got a beautiful spirit.

Beautiful sperm. And I just saw a pop up on my nursery. And I was just happy. I was geeked. Why you laughing? I love her. I'm sorry. What you laughing at, man? Nah, it popped up anyway.

I'm a nurse. I'm familiar with the nurse. I've heard of that before. It's a blessing to have a set of natural kurt teeth. I've noticed that every word that has that you sound is a word that you would say funny. Like nurse feet. Instead of like view, you would say

Yeah. I've never heard this in my life. You just haven't paid attention to it. Yeah. These are one of these accents where if I was faced with it in real life, I would have to repeat every word back to them in their accent. And I know socially that's not really acceptable, but I just can't help. It's like when we did that cooking class with that couple from New Jersey. Was it New Jersey? No, no. We're really from.

Boston messages. Boston. And they had the craziest Boston accent. I couldn't stop repeating words back. Jersey just sounds like someone's mad. Yay, yay, yay. It would know as Jersey. I'm Boston kind of too, but like... I couldn't stop repeating things back out loud. Well, okay. What's the phenomenon that I hear that we're not the only ones that are falling victim to, which is that... It's the feminine phenomenon. I think that actually is over.

That is over. You are correct. Fuck you, moody. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news. I think that's actually on pause for a regroup period. There's a minute on and on. We'll regroup in another four years. No, actually, I think this is the whatever you want to call it where you only watch TV with captions on when they're speaking in English. Oh, yeah. Joe, is this among you? That is so incredibly, incredibly common, though. I know so many people, I can't hear if the captions aren't on.

I personally, like I'm one of those people that does not have a preference. They're not on at my house by default, but like no issue if people have them on. Here's where I have an issue, live sports. Oh yeah, I don't want, I don't know what's going on to begin with. So I don't need captions to know, like that's not, that's actually not going to help me whatsoever to know what they're saying. Well, if you watch live sports with captions, you are very much in the know 30 seconds late.

And I don't want to slander the stenographers out there. Sure. Obviously. But it's a little behind. Yeah, I mean, if you're a real-time writer, you got to be up on the ball. People speak quickly. But my point is you constantly have them on. And I don't really, it doesn't bother me. But I just find it so funny because your dad will just be here and be like, why are these on? Yeah. It's our generation. It's not the boomers. It's our generation. Don't hour me. Don't hour me. It's you.

No, but it's okay. I think hot girls need captions. I think hot girls need captions, and I fucking stand by that. I can't hear if I can't see the captions. We have seven speakers pointed in your general direction. Yeah, okay, so like, if...

Memphis, what's her name again? Glorilla? If she was trying to say literally anything. Okay, that's different. That's different. Okay, there's a dialect. My nerves feed. That's actually pretty good. We got invited to a friend's giving and I saw a pumpkin pie cake today. And when I tell you that I'm going to have to partake in that, I think this Thanksgiving. To buy it?

To make it. Oh, to buy it. Okay. To buy it. Are you crazy? So we're bringing Starbot goods to the Thanksgiving? And honestly, I think that's fine. Sure. I don't think anyone wants me. I don't think, let me find it. I saw it on a TikTok ad today. Oh, so it's on a TikTok ad? No, no, like, sorry. A sponsor TikTok by, it was from Joe.

Okay. Rogan? Vulpis. Cool. Of course. Jeremy, again, the phenomenon on and on is over. It's taken a break. It's taken a break. Okay, Thanksgiving pie cake from Goldbelly? Do you know what that is? I'm helpful. What is Goldbelly? Goldbelly is like DoorDash, but for places that are far away, like for example, they ship stuff from like Cat's Belly in New York. Oh. For everyone who wants yesterday's corned beef.

This looks insane. Look at this thing. Where's the gold belly? Well, no, they ship it to you. And listen, I'm not above cake that's coming from 2,000 miles away. I'm really not. We have a lot of options close to us. But this looks really good. OK. Anyways, this is influencer marketing, taking its toll on me, and I've been sold. So we're doing long-distance cakes now? Yeah.

I think it's time that we spend less time with our phones. Yeah, I don't know if I disagree if I agree with that, but I love that take for you. Okay. And Lauren tried to tell me that me liking pumpkin pie was, what did you say? Out of, out of, out of character? I don't know, it was out of character for you. Yeah, I just feel like like- Have you ever been to the Midwest? Yeah, but you don't like anything.

You have to watch it out of character. If you have been in the Midwest. Is that like you liking pumpkin? Like pumpkin is such a close relative of squash that I feel like and you hate squash. And then I hate squash. What? I don't hate squash. I feel like you verbally have a costed squash. No, never. You like squash? Wrong guy. You like squash. Wrong guy. What's your wait for? How do you like to eat squash? What's your favorite squash? However it's served to me. Talk to me about the butternut. Butternut.

better or not. Yeah, no, like, I don't think you've ever had a worst take on my food palette. That you don't like anything? Because that's an action. No, the pumpkin pie would be outside. No, that's outside of your, because you so vehemently hate lemon meringue pie. Yeah, because that's for, like, I'm not, I don't receive Social Security yet. Okay. Fuck you. Love lemon meringue pie. Delicious. Justice for. Oh, I'm in.

I'm in. How's a rhubarb? Obviously, to be honest, I don't know. A rhubarb? A strawberry rhubarb pie? Are you out of your goddamn mind? I don't have a great aunt, but if I did, she would eat like this. Oh no, I came out of the womb being like, give me the rhubarb. And you don't have 12 cats? Almost did when we were in Italy, almost brought home 12 cats. And then half of them died. Oh, too soon, too soon. Wait, shall rhubarb?

A strawberry rhubarb pie? Like, it's okay, but it's not like in my top five pies. Yeah, listen, it's not in my top five either. Wouldn't be in anywhere near, honestly, the only top it is, it's in the bottom five. I don't know. What is it? It is rhubarb. I don't know if there's like a sweet fruit pie that I wouldn't eat, to be honest. Like, I'm not a huge fan of savory pies. Okay. But like a minced meat pie, not for me. I'll skip it. No. But like any of the dessert pies, I'm fucking in. There's not a pie I wouldn't eat. Sweet potato. So that feels like a savory pie for me.

Sweet potato? I've never had a potato. The sweet potato is savory. Okay, just because it's called a sweet potato doesn't mean the potato is actually that sweet jammer. We'd sweet potato all the time. I miss you, Lauren. Yeah. Okay, I think sweet potato and pumpkin pie are both very good. Never had sweet potato pie, but I'm in on pumpkin pie and I still stand by. You never had sweet potato pie? No. Really? Yeah, get, get, get, get, get cooking.

I don't, if you want sweet potato pie, I don't know why he would want me to cook it. Okay, we've got, we have things for you to try. Really? Yeah. You know, there's like a very, very, very big, you pick a side. You just sweet potato or pumpkin.

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Oh, well, then I'm pumpkin. I'm team pumpkins. Well, but I appreciate a sweet potato pie. I've never seen last Thanksgiving that you had so much you had you wait half the half the pie with all the whipped cream and you felt really, really ill afterwards. Was that last year? People don't. They're not ready for the way that I use with cream with cream. Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, Lauren loves to like buy this like.

See, I don't participate in the like 33% less this that like if we're going to eat whipped cream, we're eating whipped cream. So here's my theory is that if it's 33% less fat, I can have 33% more. I was actually about my preference. Go ahead. Well, no, I've already said my piece. So go ahead now. I didn't realize was if you go to Whole Foods during the holidays, you can get.

The tub. You can get like you know like there's like aerosol in that thing and like it kind of expands. Yeah. This stuff is it's it's already in its final form. It is whipped. So it's like you you basically you buy a tub of it and it's clear and like you you have like four days to use this thing. So you better. It's fresh. Pie a lot. You better go. It's why I bought a tub of creme.

And I applied. Was that last year? Was that, I mean, you know what, that was last year's Christmas, I think. I think we bought a pie for Christmas and that's what it was. Whole Foods or Gelsons or something? Yeah. Yeah, I think it was Whole Foods, I think you're right. And I guess I'll be doing that again. Yeah, I stand by it. If we can top your 2,000 miles away cake with some actual fresh cream. I really am going to explore this option as a Thanksgiving for what we're going to bring to the Thanksgiving. Well, what I didn't realize before meeting you and all of your friends is that being able to digest dairy is a luxury.

Yeah, honestly, thank your lucky stars over here that dairy doesn't make you die. Yeah, thanks, Europeans. So yeah, I'll be eating dairy. Same. Well, there anyone likes it or not. No, I too, well, you've are dissipating. And then after Thanksgiving, the weekend after will come vlogmas.

And I'm doing vlog once again. Honestly, I'm so torn because I want to just reuse my intro from last year because it's so cute. I love it. It just was so well done. And I loved it so much. But I feel like the people want what people want. And so I'm here to deliver. So Jeremy's going to help me shoot a new intro next week.

This is due to me. No, my mom was like, hey, what are we doing on Tuesday night? After we shoot the house tour, and then you were like, oh, nothing. After we shoot the house tour. I'm not shooting the house tour. What I mean, we shoot the house tour. I mean that I... Sometimes I think you have a difference, like, an issue with, like, delineating where you begin and where I end. We are one. Okay. Also, you do have a calendar invite for that. But I'm gonna scoot you into your office. My favorite is when you've got overlapping calendar. Like, your own calendar invites conflict with your own calendar invites that you've placed on my calendar, which is like this.

That's my fault for this one for Tuesday. Okay, well, one of you. Oh, because Lauren and I did text about rescheduling the Tuesday one. I've got like six different conflicts often the same people might get your shit together.

Anyway, I was so good to know that I've got you booked out. Triple booked. Yeah. But for Tuesday, it's because the house has to look like I'm godly me. No, it's like when people come over to any Midwest house. It's like, don't buy God if the kitchen sink looks as if it's been used. Oh my God, yeah. No, like a dried egg in the sink. Why are you sitting on the couch for the house tour? I just cleaned that. Yeah. And so we do have dogs. And so that's always, that'll be

I'm convinced the diggy lives his life just to unflatten a freshly beaten pillow. Yeah.

No, that checks out. He wants it to be in ball form. There's nothing that makes the dogs happier than absolutely creating chaos on a neatly fluffed couch. Yep. There's nothing they love more. And like, I don't realize how much more comfy a fluffed couch is until it's been fluffed. Until it's been fluffed and I'm like, oh, is this what our couch is supposed to feel like? That's really nice. Yeah, like it's crazy how much a couch like snaps back to life.

Yeah, so anyway, so I'm going to try my best to clean the house up as neatly as possible. And so that it does require some of your participation. But I'm going to shoot the vlog was intro that evening. And then for this vlog, this is here. I'm going to do a little book club. I'm so excited. I noticed that I was not, one, I was not made aware of, nor was I invited to the club. Well, it's going to be like a holiday smurry book. So I just don't know. Listen, if you want to participate. I mean, if I feel like I'm invited,

Jerry, do you want to be in the sweaty holiday book club? I'll consider it. You know what? We'll choose the title, and then you let us know how you feel after you read the synopsis of the book. Yeah, thank you. I'm currently collecting. Just one book? I think just one. I think just one. Because I... In 12 days. I think I'm going to give everyone three weeks, baby. Okay.

So like around day 21 of vlogmas, I just feel like December is so busy. Like I don't want to stress people out. And so I asked the good people of the vlog what they wanted. So one I asked for book recommendations. Again, the requirements were lightly smudgy and holiday themed could also be medium to heavy smudgy as well too. But like I don't want to like. There's light smot leave off and what does mediums come up again? You know, it's tough. It's tough because everyone's got different smot levels, you know? There's your smot level.

My smell level is not, I would say I'm average smart. There's some crazy books. There are some fucking crazy, crazy books. What's too much for you? Any kind of relationship with inanimate objects is not for me.

There was a whole book with, I think, was it a pillow? I don't know, anyway, there's a whole book written about a girl and her relationship, her, and it was, I don't know, I don't know. That, anyway, that's too much for me. A pillow? Yeah, that's too much for me. I also am not into, like, violence, like a hardcore, like, violence smut is not for me. Such as?

What do you mean? I don't understand. Like BDSM, like hardcore BDSM smart, in books, not for me. Got it. Not for me. So anyways, so I've asked the good people of the vlog for holiday book recommendations and then also how many books. And I feel like everyone still had a lead to just one book for the vlogmas. You're kind of like a Disney smutter.

a Disney smutter. Yeah. Like, you know, they'll step out of their, their covers every once in a while, but usually it's the same, same vertical. I also like don't want to introduce people to a, like their first money book and it'd be like fucking off the charts. My and I scar them forever and then be like, my intro to this crazy fucking book was Lordia. Why? Like, I just don't want that to be the connection. So wait, so will you have already read the book beforehand? Like, will you be an expert on the book?

No, no, no, we're going to start. We're going to all start together. So I'm going to pull it around. It turns out to be a shitty, smutty book. Then I won. It probably will be because that's how holiday books go. And it's a holiday smut book. That's what I said, a Christmas smut book. Oh, is that like Mrs. Claus and an elf porn?

No, no, no, it's like, get trapped in a snowstorm. There's only one bed, enemies to lovers. And elves, actually, kind of funny. No, no, no, no, no. That's too much, that's too much. Same makes it a side chick. No, no, no, no. This will be like a... These are clauses unappreciated around the house. There's like a girl saving a Christmas tree farm or something, and then they get snowed in, and then there's only one bed left in the inn, and then they fall in love, but they hate each other beginning. Enemies to lovers trope. It'll be like moral unlines at that, probably, because that's like how most of the Christmas books go.

Rudolph's angsty because his lover likes somebody else. Donner's getting it. See, like the B.C. Ali section of it, that's not for me. That's too far. Really? That interested in the Blitzen side trope? No. No. That's not for me. That's not for me. So anyways, and I'm not going to be the, I'm not going to be the gateway to that for people if that's what we're going to do. Sounds like being a gatekeeper, but you are. I will also be doing a book club and we're going to be talking about Reindeer's fucking ew. So anyway, if you're interested in that, Jeremy's going to have that on his Patreon.

My book club would be for nerds and nerds alone.

Yeah, so if you will choose the book and if you want to participate in the book club, you may. Okay. But I'm still trying to figure out and would love any feedback if you are in- I got some real questions to you. No, no, I actually wasn't talking to you, but thank you so much for your participation. If you want to just sit there and look super handsome, that'd be wonderful. Did I do best? If anyone has any recommendations for like how to, like, how to format a book club? Because it's hard because I make- Well, there's no examples out there.

fucking, duh, I know there's one billion book clubs, and that's why I'm not here to be like the leader of all the book clubs. I just always wanted to do one, so I'm gonna do one for one month just for vlogmas. But my where I'm struggling is that I feel like it needs to be an open conversation, so it's like, do I do a live stream for that day of chatting about the book?

I'm married to a streamer? No, I don't know. I don't know. My YouTube person was like, hey, so any plans for streaming? And I was like, got to be honest, my worst nightmare. I was like, not interested in love. Yeah. But no, thanks, XO. OK. But no, I'm trying to figure out like how to make it to go live on TikTok, then interactive. No, not TikTok. OK. A lot of a lot of people do like zoos.

Yeah, maybe I assume. But I also want to like, I love the idea of it being able to live. Yeah, that's the other thing too, is that I think that like maybe a live stream and just being like super involved in the chat maybe might be the move. Like, how to discuss the book while being able to have the actual live interaction of people is like what I'm trying to figure out. Periscope it is. Periscope, R.I.P. Still live. Is it really? Yeah, Xbox. The fuck are they?

Oh yeah, they did. Twitter did buy it. It was like live engine. Did they just absorb the technology? Got it. But that's what I'm trying to figure out. So if you are a part of any digital book clubs, let me know how, because yeah, I think you're right. I think Zoom is going to get capped at a certain amount of people. So that's not the move. And so maybe it's a live stream. Unlike the day that we discussed the book and everyone gets their little snacky, their little drinky poo. And then we talk about our holiday smile. I don't know. I can only, it's going to be so organized. I can't wait.

It's going to be sort of also to that would be one less video that has to be like produced and edited as well. So you're just going to take take a day off.

Well, no, I'm not taking the day off, I'm doing it live. Okay, I guess that's... Yeah, no, my editor would get the day off is what would happen. Got it. And you'd be nervous pooping. And I would be nervous pooping, potentially, yes. Yeah, okay, great. Have anything week you in front of the pups? And then maybe if you've read the books, well, too, we can discuss. Well, it's not okay. I don't wanna... You're your first smart book! When I hear the title, I'll, you know.

Oh, it's going to be something like like Merry Christmas or something. I can't tell you how cheesy like I can't tell you. I grew up in like the 90s and 2000s. Hallmark TV. Yeah, you're so right. You're so right. You're sorry. I love a holiday smelt book. So anyways, if you have any recommendations, if you have any titles that you'd like to put forth for this, I can't wait. Do you guys have like time movies in Canada?

Yes. Okay. I think so. Okay. I did not partake. Well, you were about 50 years too young. But I think yes. It's the same movie shot a thousand ways. That's how I feel about a lot of the Hallmark movies. Yeah. I'm so excited for the holiday movie to start rolling out though. I love me at Cheesy Holiday movie. Like the one with Lindsay Lohan last year. Chefs kisses. I wish that I could turn my brain down enough to the point where that was entertaining. I love like brain off.

I'm running, brain off captions on. That is my ideal evening. With a second screen in hand. That is my ideal evening. Scrolling with the heated blanket atop you. Two pups. With a single size of champagne to your left. My god. Oh, music to my ears. You know me so well. That's all I want. That's all I want. I'm just a girl. I'm just a girl. I see that. I'm just a girl.

So anyways, that's the book club for Vlogmas, but I've got the big bear trip planned, where I've got some little craftsies to do, and that's gonna be Vlogmas 2024 in Vlogmas book club. Can't wait. Champagne? Did you know the name of the book club? Holiday Smut Club, I don't know. Okay, trademark pending. Anyways, so that's the Vlogmas for 2024.

And Jeremy, I'm so excited for you to read your first small book because it'd be so nice. OK. I think I think I'm going to just hold that in your cow and you can help me participate in the holiday life. You've got enough holds in my calendar. What's one more? What's one more?

Welcome to Monet Talks with me, your girl Monet Exchange. A weekly podcast where the only thing a hundred of them to tea is our top exo-aling. Every single Thursday, we'll be bringing you candid interviews, fun segments, and games, featuring a dazzling array of guests, including fellow queens, other celebrities, pop culture icons, friends, and maybe even an ex-boyfriend. Off war.

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Hey everybody, my name is Bob the drag queen. And I'm on exchange. And we are the host of sibling rivalry. This is the podcast where two best friends gab talk smack and have a lot of fun with our black queer selves. Yeah, for sure. You know, we are family. So we talk about everything, honey, from why we don't like hugs to Black Lives Matter to interracial dating to other things, right, Bob? Yes. And it gets messy and we are not afraid to be wrong. So please.

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I have been going down an absolute wormhole on the Brianna chicken fry and Zach Bryan public breakup. I just obviously can empathize so much. Someone going through a public breakup and then to make it on this insane of a level where he's such like a celebrity, a level status musician is so insane. So they dated for I think about two years. No idea.

Show is that right? About two years, I think. And she went on tour with him, was living on the bus. Obviously, that's a very isolated, lonely life. So I saw this come out because he got caught on Raya.

That was the very first thing I saw, and I was like, oh no, they broke up, but it's very sad, because he's always posting such professing his love on Instagram. He's very publicly professing his love, which I feel like sometimes can be a red flag in itself. That's why I just have a social media bid. Yeah, that's why I never get a birthday post, if anyone's wondering.

And so anyway, so that's the first thing I saw is I was like, oh no, he got caught on Raya. And he announced their breakup on via an Instagram story, a fleeting fucking Instagram story. Is that just you couldn't make it to the feed is crazy? That's insane. And like his next story was- If you did that, I might not have seen it.

Literally, there's a high chance that you just wouldn't have seen it. You'd have to pin it, but you tag me. So anyway, go back in their timeline because this is all up in the headlines right now because his team has been harassing her for this $12 million NDA settlement to not talk about anything just in regards to their relationship or him or

the crazy emotional abuse that he subjected her to for over a year. And it is so sad. I just finished watching the episode that she did with Josh and Dave on BFFs. And it was literally my heart breaks for her. So he breaks up with her via text while she's on tour, which one is fucking shitty, because he bought them a house to grow old and have babies in next to her family in their hometown. That's a tough sell.

That's like, that's crazy. In her hometown, not even his. Yeah, in her hometown, not even his, that's like some insane love bombing shit. Sure, how many houses does he have? I know, right, how many houses? He's so rich. So breaks up with her via text. And I think she kind of summarized it as, let me take a week before we have to deal with this publicly. Let me just take a week to personally deal with this, and then we'll figure out how to make a statement together.

He gets caught on Raya. That spirals into him posting the Instagram story, him being like bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla

It's me, both. I'm just like, oh, you're stupid.

I don't think it has a thing to do with his intelligence. I just think it has to do with maybe emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence for sure, for sure. And so their team starts low with... Who's their team? Sorry, his team, Zach Bryan's team starts low with the money that they're trying to offer her to keep quiet about all the details of the relationship. And I think it's also to like she was speaking in the podcast about having videos of him like just being so awful to like her friends and her and like having just like these

I find it interesting, though, because there's only so much you can do if someone's a violent person. You can't be compelled to not speak about something that was, I think, a potential physical danger to you or others. I think there's new laws around that. I think it actually has to do with what came after Trump in gag orders.

like in terms of being able to, for the victim to have to stay. Yeah, like you signed an NDA, but like some... It's only for things that are like against the law, i.e. like sexual abuse or things like that. So I can't be like a emotional verbal abuse. No, but like physical could be, right? Right, totally. God, I got it, got it. But like if he's a harmed others kind of thing.

got it. It seems like it was mostly like him taking her phone, ripping out her hands, smashing against a wall, or like screaming at the friends and just saying awful things. So I feel like it could be a gray area. You know what I mean? If he's not physically putting his hands on her. But if it's gray area, then...

Yeah, gray area is gray area. Yeah, you can argue both sides. So anyway, his team starts low and gets up to $10 million, $12 million, offering her a house, offering her an apartment in York, $12 million.

But it's hush money. It's literally hush money they're trying to buy her off to take those experiences away and to silence someone who's been emotionally abused for the entire relationship. I want you to know. I'm worth way less than that.

Like you could take a zero off and I'd strongly consider just like, yeah, that, that not tracks for me. Yeah. That sounds pretty nice. I mean, that's life changing money for. Eight figures, pre-tax? 99.999% of people that is life changing amount of money. Yeah. And she was also speaking to just like how this obviously is his pattern with all of his excess. And so he's paid off all of his excess because a lot of times he finds someone who, you know, hasn't had the success that Brianna's had.

Well, most people in the world would need to consider what $12 million could do for them.

Yeah, well, and that's what she was saying. She was like, my family comes from nothing. She was like $12 million for my family. Like that changes lives. And so like it is such a hard moral decision that she had to make. And so essentially her reasoning for not taking the money, spoiler alert, that was what she, the conclusion that she came to was just that like, I'm not going to let him control me any longer. And I don't want him to take the experiences away from me. Like it's not about

You know, going on every podcast and doing an expose on Zach Bryan and how awful he is and how he's the worst guy and like, you know, trying to destroy his name in his career. But it's more just about having her independence and not having someone monitor every single thing she does and says over the next three years, which I guess was the period of when the $12 million be paid out over.

I would love to know when I get to that. How three years? Yeah, how three years. Like that's so... It was two not enough. Five, two too long. Yeah, too long. But like one is too much money. It's literally a vesting period. It's so crazy. But she like also spoke to just like the other crazy controlling stuff that he used to do. Like she wasn't allowed to sing or listen to Morgan Wallen music or Noah Kahn. Yeah. All these people that he was probably just like insecure and not emotionally intelligent enough to like handle his girlfriend.

thinking that this artist is good. So like Spotify, Pop Rising was off limits, you never do. Off limits, off limits, yeah, yeah, no more than Walter. Got forbid a country playlist were to appear. Oh my God, I know. Yeah, if it's not Zach Bryan Radio with a lot of filters, it can happen. Right, with specific artist filters. Right. And then when she was negotiating her contract with the BFFs podcast and Barstool, Zach Bryan offered his girlfriend double the amount that Barstool was offering so that she would just not work with them anymore.

That, I mean, this is, this is crazy. That's just so controlling and I just feel so sad for her. And like, it's just, it's just so, it was the way that she articulated it all so well. And so like, I've never been an, an abusive, an emotionally abusive relationship like that, or physically abusive to specify, but, but she was just like. We work on that.

You never think that it's gonna happen to you. You just don't think that you'll ever end up in this position and it happened to me. I'm someone who was successful and I have a great support system. I'm not coming from this broken life where I have nothing and I need to cling to this person, but I ended up here. And that's just so sad.

Yeah. And also it's, I think it's interesting to see how it can happen in front of people's eyes. Totally. And then that just said too, she was like, I had to finish my tour after he had broken up with me via text and like you can just see the light has just like been sucked for me. Yeah. It sounds, it's just so awful. And she was like, he ruined everything like birthdays, red carpet, any event, like anything that was good for me, he ruined. Well, whenever Warner music wants to stop,

Oh my God. And so then Josh and Dave Portnoy did this diss track on him like to defend Brianna, which was very sweet and like just like, you know, like a funny thing to do. That's like, you know, like harder because they didn't say anything like that. That was so crazy and out of pocket. They made fun of his hairline. They made fun of his hair. Yeah, exactly. And like him being small to be made fun of.

And he, Josh realized then, so at first I think people were like, oh my God, like somehow Zach Bryan's team was able to get the music video taken down. They were able to, because like they share a label, like, and they were like, oh, this is gonna be bad, like PR. And then they realized that Josh, after he did just like a parody wrap with Bryce Hall years ago, signed himself to Warner.

for a music deal and it was actually Warner claiming it because Josh is owned essentially by Warner and they had to. But they claimed it because Zach Bryan's team made them. Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah. So whenever Warner wants to stop backing someone who's emotionally abusive to women, we'd love to see the music video. Tea. I think it's actually back up.

Good. I think they're a little figured out. Good. Yeah. By the way, water's monetizing. All they have to do is turn the ads on for that's how AdSense works. All they do is they claim the copyright. Right. I think it's awful if genuinely a public company in America, which is as much reach as it has.

is leveraging their contracts with individuals that were made years ago over rounding errors that they never anticipated even getting back to then stop someone from exercising their free speech on a platform that does get beyond what a conversation like this would to get in front of people and to make a serious point, which is certainly something that I think that if the executives at Warner were being honest with themselves and look at their wives, look at their daughters, they'd think twice about that.

Warner. Tea. I'm serious. Yeah, no, no, I totally agree. I totally agree. That in and of itself, you are protecting someone who is trying to insert this dominance that was never right to begin with. Agreed. Agreed. And so anyways, I'm glad that she is out and I'm sure that she is happy to move forward and start healing. And I'm sure there's going to be an unlimited amount of fans who only listened to one side of the story and a little flood comments with whatever.

noise. Let it go. Just let it trickle through. And you know, are we going to block Zach Brian on Spotify? Probably not. Probably not. I mean, that's not for me. So maybe on my personal Spotify account. But anyways, I couldn't take I couldn't name one song. No, neither can I. I know he's a massive artist. Not my genre. Couldn't name one song. But no, I very much empathize for her. And it's a really sad situation. But I think she's handled it really, really well. I think we're just handed this poorly. I agree. I agree. To me, for the smallest of the three major labels in America, you guys are making the biggest impact right now in the negative way.

And on that note, the Grammy nominations went live today. And we are going to see Sabrina Carpenter this coming week. And I'm so well, I guess next week. OK, tonight we're seeing Wicked. Tonight we're seeing Wicked. So Wicked, tomorrow we're seeing Tori Kelly.

And we're going to the We Rate Dogs event. I'm talking about people who, when we live in an era where we're also written the same air as Cynthia Rivo and Tori Kelly and Ariana. And for you, Sabrina Carpenter, it's exciting. It's a big couple of weeks. Oh my God, I am so excited for Sabrina. I love when the stigma gets pulled up. I have had a dress for Sabrina Carpenter and Boots for months.

And I'm ready. Do you acquired boots for this occasion? I did acquire boots for this occasion. I acquired a dress and I acquired boots and I cannot wait to wear all of them. Do you think it's like a southern thing, a country thing? What do you mean? Sabrina Carpenter?

No, no, she's like a boots girl. She's like a platform booty girl, because she's so little. She's literally like a polypucket. And so she wears all these fun platform boots. She wears all these fun platform boots. And so I actually didn't get a platform boot. I just got a boot that matched the very Superina Carpenter-esque dress. And I'm excited. How nice. OK, so let's make some predictions here. So when will the actual Grammys be? Is that fall?

No wait, when's the actual spring? It's like February or March, right? February. Yeah. Album of the year. Is this the last one on CBS or is this one on Disney? I know they just had a 10-year deal with Disney. It'll be on Hulu now.

I don't know, but Sabrina Carpenter is nominated for Album of the Year, and that's all I'm all about in gear about. Wait, let's say them all for audio people. I was going to get there. I was just really excited about Sabrina Carpenter. Okay, so we've got Andre 3000, New Blue Sun, Beyonce, Cowboy Carter, Billie Eilish, Hit Me Hard and Soft, Chapel Rhone, The Rise and Fall of the Midwest.

princess, Charlie XCX, brat. I love the album cover so much. Jacob Collier, which I'm so excited for him to be on this list. Like, that's incredible. I'm so happy for him. Well, he has many Grammys, I think. Yeah, he definitely does. But, like, to be able to hear that, that's huge. Got it. Sabrina Carpenter, Shorn Sweet, Taylor Swift, The Tortured Poets Department. So, if you're picking one. For me, it's Sabrina, obviously. It is. I also would pick that.

Yeah. I also feel as if we have listened to nothing but Sabrina for so long, I think. Unfortunately, we share, there's only so much like audio real estate in the house. Yeah. And so you're always playing the same six Sabrina Carpenter songs.

I've been listening to the short and sweet tour setlist. I didn't even know I'm doing this music though. Um, okay. But also, so obviously I'm biased because I'm a huge Sabrina fan, but I also think that Beyonce has a huge shot. I think Billy Eilish has a huge shot. And I also think that actually, you know what? Chappell Ron got nominated for, I think, new artist of the year. And I think that she might get that. We'll, but we'll get there in a second. If Chappell Ron wins this album of the year over these others, I will be shocked.

I don't know if Shalah, not yet, not yet for her and her career. I'm going to bring it though. Okay, record of the year, and Jeremy, what's the difference here for the music?

Well, so the other one's the album, right? The one after this is song. So record of the year includes the production and song of the year is like the lyrics and got it. Okay, so we've got the record, meaning the recording of the year. Song is the written song writing. The words. Yeah. And record and album are like the two big heavy hitters. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So record of the year, we've got the Beatles, now and then Beyonce, Texas Hold'em. Love that song, Billie Eilish, Prince of the Feather. Also love that song, Chappell Rhone. Good luck, babe. Charlie XCX, 360, Kendrick Lamar, not like us. Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick Lamar. Kendrick Lamar, done.

Really? Yes! He ended Drake's career with this. Yeah, that was tough for Drake. Sabrina Carpenter, Espresso, Taylor Swift, featuring Post Malone, Fortnite. That's also pretty good. But no, to me, Kendrick, by far. Okay. I do actually like that song a lot. So I can get behind that. I didn't think it was possible to go up against Drake and win, and I was wrong. And he really did. Has the six been the same?

Haven't been back in a while. Couldn't tell you. I agree with you guys on this one. However, I am putting in my bet for Taylor to win all over the year with torture post department. For everyone who just wondered why there was much of silence, we had that removed.

song of the year. Okay. So again, the words, the lyrics, the writing, Beyonce, Texas Holdam, Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars, David the Smile, Billie Eilish, Prince of a Feather, Top of Rome, Good Luck, babe. It's crazy because like I would, Texas Holdam to me, I came out forever ago. Yeah, that feels so long though, but I forgot that it was this year. That's part of the bias of like when you released things in the earlier year. Yeah. Shibuzi, a bar song. Love that one. Tipsy.

Kendrick Lamar, not like us. Marina Carpenter, please, please, please. Taylor Swift, featuring West Malone, Fortnite. Kendrick Lamar, not like us, again. But do you think he'll win both? I hope so. Oh, man. I hope so. I think that Birds of a Feather could also take this. We could give you guys two predictions. OK. This can be Jeremy's. Jeremy can get... What color do you want, Jeremy? Can't be yellow.

Uh, can I get, um, aquamarine? Yes. Yeah, that's great. Yes, you can. Okay. And Lauren, what color do you want? I'll take like, um, I'll take like a, like a, like a, like a Samany pink color. Oh, okay. It's more fuchsia. Well, give me a minute. Yeah, you got to lean towards the, like orangey reds and then you'll find, you'll find some Samanese. Samanese? Like, like right there and then... You see Samanese. Samanese. Like that. Like a little bit, like a little bit lighter, lighter towards the right. That's tangent right.

Lauren always says that I can't, I have no, I can't see colors. Yeah. I think that Jeremy sees about four colors. Yeah. Yeah. Everything she quizzes me. I always get them almost all correct. And she goes, okay, best new artist, Benson Boone, who I think has a good shot. Ray, who we also love, Sabrina Carpenter, who I cannot believe is in this category, but she's strategically. So I think it was Tate McCray, who has put herself forth in this category three years. And I think that you're maxed out or something after three years. Not sure.

I feel like I saw a TikTok, and so she can't be best new artist, but now she's had her biggest year. And so it's like, this would have been her best shot, but because she's been nominated too many times. Well, I think she was nominated. I think she's submitted for her. Sorry, submitted herself, yeah. Yeah. Dochi, Chabalrone. Dochi's pretty hot. Dochi's pretty hot. People love dochi. I do like dochi. But then again, Shabuzzi, huge. Teddy swims, and then I'm gonna let you pronounce that last one. No, you're not. I'm gonna go ahead and let you take that one.

True. We don't know, but we're going to go listen to their music later. Can't wait to be a new fan. Literally, where are they from? I've never heard of them either. It's like the grimmies always have to have one. Yeah, well, yeah. Oh, man, I think that Benson Boone could take this. I could see that.

Oh, sorry, wait, no, I'm talking to you, but Chapel Rowne. I think Chapel Rowne's gonna take this, yeah. Yeah. I hope not. What? I love Chapel Rowne. Wait, not at all. Wait, I don't, I'm personally not that big of a fan either, but I think that she's definitely gonna win this category. Yeah. I...

Hope not. I want Benson Boon to win. I do love Benson Boon. I'm a big Benson Boon fan. Yeah, I like him. OK, this is the last one. Isn't that rock star energy that we haven't had a long time? Yeah, yeah, I totally agree. Yeah. And he's a really good backflipper. And he's dating a lovely girl from TikTok. I just love that he's just kind of embodied the whole you've got to like if you want to be an artist, you've got to just be a machine. Yeah, like you have to do everything all the time. Well, have you ever seen his American edition? No.

It's very, very wholesome. He didn't know that he could sing until late in high school. Amazing. And it just was like, yeah, I guess I can sing. I feel like he's got one of those voices where sometimes it's like, he probably sounds so unique and iconic, coming out of that little kid's voice. It's like, are you doing that on part? Do you know how you sound? Yeah, right. Do you know how you're even doing that? It's like, if you can actually control that, that would be commercially viable. Katy Perry was obsessed with him. I bet. Obsessed.

Okay, best pop vocal album. They take it away. Well, I'm in a grande, a journal sunshine. Mm-hmm. Sabrina Carpenter, Short and Sweet, Billie Eilish, hit me hard and soft. Taylor Swift, the tortured poet's department, Chaperone, the rising fall of a Midwest princess. Fuck, I could see any of these taking it. Best pop vocal album. So when they say pop vocal, does that mean, does that mean literally like how good they're singing?

No, it's just like another album of the year category, but the only people who qualify are God, like Pops are girls. I think it'll be Taylor Swift, but I'd like it to be Sabrina Carpenter. I saw today, I think it's this category that's the first time in history that there hasn't been a male in this category, and it's been all female artists. Yeah, I believe that.

But these are, these are all... I think women have taken over the music industry. Oh my god, the pop industry right now, women are fucking killing me. You listen to, at any point in time to top 40, it's just, and also it's not just pop. It's like pop is alternative, it's rap, it's hip hop, everything. Yeah. And I like a lot of it. I haven't liked it. It was supposed to be a feminine phenomenon, okay?

So that is, yeah, that is regrouping right now. But the Grammys is just a little bit of laughter. No, but I just think, I don't know if I've ever enjoyed so much new music, a majority of which is... It's just totally female. Yeah. Female powerhouses. Yeah. Okay, pet, okay, best vocal album. Okay, I think...

I'm so biased because I'm such a Sabrina Carpenter stand that I'm like, well, fucking obviously it's gonna be Sabrina, but I also know that everyone else in this category has a huge fan base. I kind of feel like I'm gonna grind it. It doesn't matter. It has nothing to do with a fan base. No, I know, I know. This is not dancing with the stars. This is the Grammy Committee. Right. That's also why certain artists have never won and never will. Right.

I do feel like this Ariana Grande album didn't take off like the rest of her other ones normally did. Like her label was kind of asleep. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck it. Let's go to bring a carpenter.

Yeah, I hope so. I think Sabrina is gonna win this one. I think that Taylor's gonna win album of the, or like the big one, album of the year. And then Sabrina will take Sabrina this one. Yeah, I think so too. Also, I think she's got her kind of embodying the dolly sound is very well received. I'm so excited to see her live next week. I'm gonna lose my goddamn mind. I'm going to lose my mind. This is like the concert I'm waiting for all year. I mean, you have yet to.

I know, I'm so excited. Because I feel like we didn't see that many live artists last year. And this year we've seen a lot of people. And this is the one that I have been waiting for. And we're going with Remy as well too. And Mia will also be there. And so I'll have all my girlies with me as well. It's going to be such a good time. I'm so excited I'm going to have my little dress and my little boots. I think I'm already annoyed.

Okay, I went to country acapella, had a great time, and together as a unit, we do country acapella in Anaheim, and we also do Sabrina Carpenter. Yeah, and you kind of complained the whole time, but then when you got there, you enjoyed it. I complained leading up to it, because I also thought that there was a world where you might have bailed just because of the distance. No.

I didn't know. They're my friends. I know. Yeah. And I had a great time. Yeah. And so anyways. And good time at the Lawrence concert. I had a great time at the Lawrence concert. We saw Lawrence a week before they were attacked. Man, they are getting roasted on TikTok. And I hope they... The Lawrence hate talk is crazy. And I hope the haters keep hating. Man. Because it's not gonna stop her from sounding amazing. Yeah, truly. Yeah, the Lawrence hate talk is train is just wild. Keep hating. It's wild. Keep hating. They're gonna keep putting out bangers. It's Christmas in this house.

Yes it is. Can you say that one more time with as much than through the eyes? Yeah, it is a Christmas in this house. I walked in today and I said, whoa, winter wonderland. We've got duo Christmas trees. Three. There's three trees up in this house. And I only saw one. I only saw one. Yeah, there's two and a half to show. There's two and a half. One is like a really skinny like pencil tree. Yeah. It's kind of like you in the shower. I...

Okay, there's context here. So for some reason at some point in my life, again, I'm sorry that whatever time it is in the podcast, we're getting to the meat. This is the meat now is. So does anyone relate with the following?

Oh, oh, I, I thought that you were gonna. Okay, then I'll do it. Okay. So when I walk, and so this started happening, I guess whenever the first time I saw Lauren in the shower, I've been showering like this my entire life. And so, I can't remember a time when I haven't showered like this. When I tell you that when I walk in to, so like we've got one of those like, like my mother would hate our bathroom layout. Cause like when you walk into our master, uh,

When you walk into our primary bathroom, we've got like a shower that's just glass everywhere. It's a fish ball. Whatever's going on inside. Yeah, you can see. We're all a part of it, right? And so like there's essentially no privacy.

which is great because if there was, I wouldn't even tell you the story. And so I don't know when I noticed this, except for like really quite early. But like when Lauren showers, the majority of the time she's showers, she stands, you know, you know, when you're like going to dive at the YMCA as a child and they teach you to just put your hands like this. And you just kind of like, you just, you just kind of lean over. Lauren does that to the water.

and just stands there with her eyes closed facing away. So it's just like legs, butt cheeks, arms, and she's just like standing.

Like, it's like she's making like a human dunce cat. And she just stands there. And I'm just like, and I just walk and I just scream, pencil. And the pencil's shower! But it's like, also, it's crazy. It's like, if we shower together, she still has... I'm like, move, I need to... And when I tell you, it's right underneath where the rain spout is, because we got one of the ones that kind of drops in the middle. And so she... But like, oh, how do you do this? Okay, so we have the luxury... You guys all let me explain why the pencil started happening. You get closer to the warmth.

is that, no, it's not about getting closer to the warmth. It's about being totally submerged in the water, like, all of your limbs. Because if your arms are just hanging there, like, yeah, the water kind of touches them and hits your head and then hits your shoulders. But if you're in pencil, the water runs down.

I want everyone in the shower this week to get into pencil formation and tell me how great it feels and how warm and how wonderfully. If I did this in my childhood home, I would punch through the attic. Okay, you're 6'4", so it's not for everyone. Pencils not made for you, okay? All I'm saying is if you're over 6' you know for a fact, you know what I'm talking about. Your face is level with the fucking... With the spell. So this would be above the water.

Yeah, I don't love when I'm in a shower where it's like coming out of the side of the wall because then I can't pencil. You don't think I have to duck to get my chest wet? I mean, listen, this is not a competition on who's suffering more or if I can't pencil.

So anyways, I don't know when this started, but I hold my arms literally up almost probably the entire shower. It's like you're in a standing tan bed. I see the tanning bed. And I didn't realize it until Jeremy started. And obviously I've been in other relationships and other people have seen me on the shower. Your ex-boyfriends never... No one's ever roasted me for the pencil. Never just pointed out that you're just over here just like making

I just feel fully submerged. I'm always so cold. I mean, they're colder. I'm sweating. I have no temperature regulation. And so when I'm in the shower and I'm cold, the hot water, I feel fully submerged when I'm in pencil position and it feels great. And I feel warm. Show any thoughts? Are you going to defend it? Which side are you on in this one show? I've never penciled in my life.

Oh, I mean, you should try it. You pencil, I guess I've penciled one arm out of time. If you're shaving your armpit, you like one arm. No, no, that's got utility. Oh, no. This has to have no purpose. Yeah, I know, I've never done that. But I love that it brings you joy. It brings you so much joy. I will try it later. And I'll report back. I would like everyone to pencil this week in the shower and report back on how wonderfully submerged in the hot water you felt.

And you know what, with that, Laura, you have brought us to the perfect amount of time for this podcast. And so I will leave you all on that note. Happy penciling this week. That's about the partner. Or you can pencil with a partner. Oh, because you did the thing where it's like, you know, like where I stand behind you and used to have behind me and our butts kind of like meat.

Jeremy's butt sits literally up above my butt on my back because his butt is just so much higher than my butt. And the pencil together. And no, but that doesn't work because then you, because you're so much closer to the water and you steal all the water. Not my problem. So it actually takes away completely from the point of the pencil. And that's equality. And that is not equality. That would actually be, again, the opposite of the feminine phenomenon.

That's all we have time for this week. We'll see you guys next week on Well So Nine. Like, subscribe, do something else that's nice, and say something nice to somebody today. And enjoy, put an extra scoop of whipped cream on your pumpkin pie this weekend for in the name of Jeremy. And take your lactate. Okay. Goodbye.